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There was flour and cocoa powder all over her kitchen counters, but for the moment that was okay with Emma. She scraped off a spoonful of cookie dough onto the baking sheet and slid it onto the oven rack, promptly setting the timer and snitching some raw dough for herself. Stress-baking was a habit she picked up from her sister-in-law; before her brother David got married, Emma was more the type to take her feelings out on a punching bag. And make no mistake: she kind of really wanted to hit something right about now. But the gym was a good twenty-minute walk away and it was too cold for that. She would much rather spend her day off in her pajamas and gorging herself on homemade cookies, thank you very much.
If anyone asked about her sudden urge to bake out her feelings, she would blame Ruby. It was her fault Emma’s mood had taken such a turn anyway. She had been perfectly content with her cocoa and Netflix until Ruby’s text came through about an hour ago.
Ruby: i have a proposal for you
Emma: maid of honor at yours and victor’s wedding??? MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME
Ruby: NO
Ruby: i mean yeah obvs, but not what im asking. christmas is over anyway
Emma: damn i was hoping he’d finally asked
Ruby: lol you and me both babe. nah there’s a fancy new years party tomorrow night. one of victor’s med school friends. anyway vic asked me to go but i don’t want to be the only non-medical type there
Emma: im waiting for the proposal
Ruby: rude. i hereby propose that you and killian come to said fancy party a) so i won’t be alone, and b) so you can knock the socks off killian in a hot dress and seduce him ;)
Emma: NO
Emma: im not seducing my best friend
Ruby: ems you’ve been in love with him for y e a r s. and now, by some miracle or the pity of the gods, you are both single at the same time. SEDUCE HIM.
Emma: we’re not going. fight me.
Ruby: i’ll tell mary margaret you hated the bridesmaids dresses
Emma: bitch don’t you fucking dare
Ruby: see you tomorrow at 8 ;)
A few minutes later, Ruby sent her the address for the party and it felt like the final nail in the coffin.
As Emma was preparing another tray of cookies to go in the oven, a rhythmic tapping at the door interrupted her brooding. She rolled her eyes, wiping her hair away from her face and went to open the door for Killian.
“I gave you a key for a reason, you know,” she snarked as Killian trampled inside, snow clinging to his coat and the beanie– god, that fucking beanie– covering his head.
“You gave me a key because you have a penchant for locking yourself out, as I recall,” he replied with an easy grin.
“Still. You could just let yourself in.”
“But that would be rude, darling.” Killian punctuated the statement with a gentle boop on the tip of her nose, then leaning down and kissing her cheek. She scrunched her face in response, ignoring the burn his stubble left on her cheek, and headed back into the kitchen with him at her heels. “You’ve got flour on your face, by the way.”
“What? Where?” Killian gestured to her forehead, and she made to wipe it away, but Killian grimaced at the result. “I made it worse, didn’t I?”
“It might be best if you find a mirror, love.”
Emma sighed. “Watch the cookies for me, will you?”
When she came out of the bathroom, face and hands clean and hopefully looking less of a frazzled mess, Killian had already finished filling the next tray with dough and slid it in. His coat and hat were gone, leaving his hair standing in all directions. He snagged a fresh cookie off the hot tray and popped it in his mouth, hissing in pain.
“It’s too hot, idiot!” Emma scowled at him, smacking his shoulder as she passed.
Killian, even though his eyes were watering and had probably destroyed his taste buds, swallowed the whole thing anyway. He grinned. “You know I can’t resist, love.”
“Impatient.”
Emma brought the now-empty mixing bowl over to the sink and filled it with hot, soapy water. For a few moments, there was only the sound of running water and Killian puttering around her kitchen. Then she felt his arms wind around her waist and his chin settle on her shoulder. Against her will, she felt her body relax. They’d always been comfortable with each other, and Killian was definitely the cuddly type. She found that out way back in high school, that night he drove her home from a bonfire and they sat in his brother’s truck until dawn talking about everything and nothing. He’d thrown his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close, letting her lean her head on his shoulder during the tough conversations about their pasts and laughing with her at the more light-hearted tales. It was something of a fairytale beginning for their friendship, one that simultaneously melted her heart and made her scoff at times– because honestly, how could she have gotten that lucky?
“What’s bothering you?” Killian mumbled. She felt his chin moving against her shoulder.
“Why do you think something’s bothering me?” she protested weakly, as if it weren’t obvious.
He breathed a short laugh. “You’re stress-baking. And wringing the hell out of that sponge.”
Emma guiltily dropped the sponge into the bowl. Killian squeezed a little tighter, and she let her head loll back to his shoulder. They locked eyes and she wondered if he could hear her heart beating, even though this was no different from their normal affection.
“I just…” she started, unsure of how to explain that he was a big reason why she was such a mess today. “Ruby invited us to a party tomorrow night.”
He arched one of those ridiculous eyebrows at her. “What’s so bad about a party?”
“It’s a fancy one with a bunch of Victor’s med-school people. We’d have to dress up and… socialize. And pretend that we’re actually studying to be doctors.”
Killian’s laughter shook her whole body. “I think we can handle it, love. Besides, we don’t actually have to go. We can get takeout and watch a movie, like we always do.”
Emma, though very comfortable in his hold, pried herself out of Killian’s arms. “Except Ruby is blackmailing me and I would rather not face my sister-in-law’s wrath, thanks.”
“Ah, that does complicate things, doesn’t it?” He scratched behind his ear, now looking somewhat sheepish. “No matter the reason, Emma, I would be happy to go with you. It’d make for a rather interesting tale afterwards, would it not?”
He flashed her that charming grin again and, damn it, she melted. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
///
Emma was a wreck.
Not that that was news to anyone nowadays, but this was a much different situation than sporting a black eye from an altercation with a suspect.
The only reason she was still going through with this was because she didn’t want to see the look on Mary Margaret’s face when Ruby spilled the truth about the bridesmaids’ dresses. She couldn’t even pretend that she didn’t hate the thing– all lace and frills and so poofy– because she had donated it to a theatre costume department the first chance she got a month after the wedding. And Mary Margaret would be mad– Emma wasn’t sure she had ever heard her sister-in-law even raise her voice in anger– but she would be hurt because she genuinely thought those dresses were beautiful and Emma couldn’t stand to hurt someone like that.
So, fancy party it was.
Emma smoothed down the skirt of her dress. It was wine red, long sleeved and fell just above the knee. It cinched at the waist and hugged her curves nicely, and the one good thing about this whole ordeal was that she finally had a chance to wear the thing that had been hanging in her closet for months (Ruby was also to blame for that impulsive purchase, surprise, surprise).
Killian would arrive any minute now to pick her up, and if she could just get her hands to stop shaking, dammit–
That stupid knock, so indicative of him, came at the door.
Well.
Emma checked her lipstick in the mirror and wiped a stray smudge away before hurrying to answer it. Her heels clacked loudly on the vinyl wood, but she didn’t care about disturbing the person who lived below her. What was her name– Sienna? No, Zelena?– was a bitch anyway.
When she opened the door, Killian’s confident grin faded away into something within the realm of gobsmacked. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably as she took in his suit and tie, his adorably mussed hair.
His jaw was still hanging a bit slack when Emma pulled on a smirk and said, “Like what you see, sailor?”
Killian shook his head a tiny bit, his blue eyes wide as they locked with hers. “Uh, I… erm, Swan, you look…” he stammered.
Her face felt like it would split with the width of her grin. “I know.”
She stepped back from the door to reach into the hallway closet and grab her coat. Killian, ever the gentleman, helped her into it and shut the door behind them as they left.
“So what’s our cover story when someone asks what we’re studying?” Killian asked as he pulled onto the main road. Snow was beginning to fall in flurries, soon to cover Boston in a soft blanket. “And what do we do if someone says they don’t recognize us?”
Emma cranked up the heat and put her fingers in front of the vents on her side. “Well, the invitation was pretty broad– basically if you’re pre-med anything, you’re invited. Ruby said there are going to be a ton of people there and no one is expected to know everyone, so we’ll just say that we got the invitation through Victor. And if anyone asks, we’re going into–”
“Dentistry,” he supplied
“–optometry,” Emma continued.
They bickered over the pros and cons of different forms of medicine for the rest of the drive (“Why would you want to put your hands in someone’s mouth? That’s disgusting.” “Well, I’m sure it’s more interesting than staring at other eyeballs and reciting ‘better or worse?’ all bloody day.”) until they pulled into a neighborhood with perfectly trimmed lawns and large, stately homes. The car came to a stop behind a line of cars parked in front of a giant brick house with white columns.
“Good God,” Killian breathed.
“What are we even supposed to do while we’re here?” Emma muttered, almost to herself.
He killed the ignition and hopped out of the car. Emma climbed out on the other side and latched onto his arm as soon as he was within reach, huddling into him for warmth while they trekked up to the house. Through the frosted glass in the middle of the door, they could see people milling about and just before Emma could knock, the door opened and revealed Ruby on the other side. Her deep green dress could hardly be classified as more than lingerie, and she smiled brightly at them.
“Oh, good, you’re here!” She waved them inside and shut the door behind them, directing them to the closet where they could leave their coats. “Come grab a drink with me– Victor’s talking nerdy with the host.”
Ruby threaded her arm through Emma’s and pulled her along, Killian following dutifully behind.
“There’s eggnog, wine, beer, hard cider, and punch,” Ruby explained, snatching up a beer. “Good luck finding anything non-alcoholic, unless you’re hankering for water; there’s a rumor that someone already spiked the punch.”
“Would that someone be you, darling?” Killian countered, lifting an eyebrow at the brunette.
Ruby flashed a wolfish grin. “Don’t you know it, sweetheart.”
The party wasn’t quite as stuffy as Emma had expected it to be. The abundance of booze probably had something to do with that, but she wasn’t going to complain. After they had been there for a couple hours and had listened to some of the weirdest ER stories, someone broke out a game of Cards Against Humanity. Killian, Emma, and Ruby were some of the first to volunteer for a round. As one redheaded girl shuffled the cards, another friend of Victor’s asked Killian what he was studying. Caught off guard, he stuttered for a moment before settling on–
“Optometry,” he answered.
Emma smirked into her eggnog and Killian surreptitiously kicked her ankle under the table. She winced and pouted at him.
They played several rounds of Cards Against Humanity (to no one’s surprise, Ruby won most of them) before Emma noticed that Killian had left. She eyed the room before spotting him leaving, hastily excusing herself. He slipped out the front door and Emma grabbed both their coats from the front closet. Everyone else was probably doo drunk to notice their absence, Emma thought as she stepped out onto the front porch. A glance at her phone told her that there were only a few more minutes until midnight.
Killian was sitting on the top step, hands folded over his knees. “Hey,” she said softly. He looked up, a subdued, unreadable look on his face. “You okay?”
“Ah… aye, love. Just a lot on my mind I guess. Nothing to worry about.”
She passed his coat to him, shrugging her own over her shoulders and sitting next to him. Emma suppressed a shiver as the wind hit her bare legs. She really should have worn tights or something, but she wasn’t renowned for her wardrobe choices, anyway.
“Got any plans for the new year? Resolutions?” Killian asked.
Emma scoffed. “I don’t make resolutions.” She picked at a stray thread on the hem of her dress. “But I have been thinking about driving back up to Maine… you know, that freeway where my parents left me. Asking around, getting some closure, maybe.”
It was a thought that had been plaguing her for years, but had never done anything about. Every time she jumped from foster home to foster home, every failed attempt at belonging in a family, she wondered why she wasn’t good enough. Not good enough for her birth parents, not good enough for any of the foster families… She was lucky the Nolans were so kind and accepting. Getting placed in that home was a miracle, and while they never officially adopted her– she aged out of the system before they could– they still remained her family.
But there was a part of her that would always be a lost little girl.
Killian took her hand, weaving their fingers together. She looked at their entwined hands, thought how right it felt to hold his in her grip and how couldn’t he see how badly she wanted him?
He placed a finger under her chin and tilted it up so she was looking at him. He wore the tiniest of smiles, a simple comfort. “If you want company, I’d be more than willing to offer my services.”
She smiled back, not releasing his hand when she lowered her head to rest on his shoulder. “What about your plans?”
Killian shrugged and her head bobbed with the movement. “Dunno… Maybe I’ll see if I can get a flight out to England to see Liam.” He nudged her and grinned. “Perhaps you could come, too. Liam likes you, you know.”
Emma hummed a laugh. “Maybe I should, then.” She paused as a thought struck her. “Do you regret it?”
“Regret what?”
“Staying here. Not going back to England with Liam when you had the chance.” She fiddled with the ring over his index finger, not looking at him all the while. “I mean, you two have always been so close, and you said that you wanted to sail. What changed?”
He didn’t reply for a long moment, and Emma’s heart sank. She would hate to hear that Killian gave up his chance to go home and ended up hating that decision. It would make her feel guilty, like she had something to do with it, even if it weren’t her fault.
“No, I don’t regret it,” he finally murmured. She faced him, shocked, but he was looking at the ground. From what she could see of his face, he had one of those looks, a look that meant something (if the books and TV shows were anything to go by). “I guess something else was calling to me louder than the sea was. And I can’t regret that.”
Chanting began inside, the countdown to midnight.
Ten.
“What would that be?” she prodded, her heart pounding.
Nine.
Killian met her eyes, a smile tugging at his lips– were his eyes getting misty.
Eight.
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned in close.
Seven.
“Don’t you know, Emma? It’s you.”
Six.
Emma took a shuddering breath. “What?”
Five.
“It’s always been you, love,” Killian breathed. God, he was so close, this had to be an alcohol-induced dream.
Four.
Emma released his hand and brought it shakily up to his face, cupping his scruffy cheek in her palm. She thumbed over the scar there and tried to speak, but all that came out was a strange choking noise.
Three.
Killian leaned pressed his forehead to hers. “Emma?”
Two.
Emma closed her eyes, feeling his breath ghost over her mouth. “I love you, Killian.”
One.
She felt his lips touch hers, gently and feather-light, but it was as if everything clicked into place at once. Emma pulled him closer, his arms winding around her waist as he kissed her harder. She tilted her head and if she didn’t need to breathe, she would have sat there all night kissing him.
Emma broke away first, laughing as Killian chased her lips. He looked dazed and unbelievably happy, and she imagined she looked the same way.
“I love you too,” he whispered. “Have for such a long time.”
“How long?” she asked in a reverently quiet tone.
“I think it was that night I drove you home from the bonfire,” he answered just as softly.
Emma gave him an incredulous look. “We barely knew each other.”
“What can I say, love? You bewitched me.”
She giggled as he pressed a light, quick kiss to her mouth again. This was unbelievable, a dream, something out of a fairytale, and she could overanalyze how magical her life had turned out to be later, but Killian Jones loved her and that was all that mattered in that moment.
Emma bit her lip and laughed. Killian narrowed his eyes at her. “What’s so funny?”
“Hmm… I just can’t wait to see the look on David’s face when he finds out.”
“Bloody hell.”
///
And without fail, when they showed up at David and Mary Margaret’s house the next day hand-in-hand and very clearly a couple, their reactions were something Emma wished she’d had a camera for. Mary Margaret clapped and squealed excitedly while David’s face turned a hundred shades of red.
Dinner was an awkward interrogation and she would probably never hear the end of “It’s about time” from Mary Margaret, but with Killian’s hand wrapped around hers under the table, she wouldn’t change it for the world.