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Spring is full of endings, Yu thought.
The end of another school year, the end of a cold winter. The end of his time in Inaba and his days spent grappling with the serial murders. With the Investigation Team’s last triumph lifting the final weight off his shoulders, Yu awoke to perhaps his very first ordinary day since arriving in the small country town.
Yu almost expected to walk downstairs to an empty living room, with Dojima so often leaving early for work, and Nanako walking herself to school most days. But it was the spring break, Yu reminded himself, and his final day in Inaba. Dojima had especially taken the morning off work to send him off.
“You’re up,” Dojima greeted him with a curt nod that he had grown to know masked an awkward fondness. Yu found his seat at the table, a mug full of steaming hot coffee already set before him. “Here, I made us coffee. I added in some cream for you this time.”
“Thanks,” Yu nodded, a smile reaching his eyes. He stared into the swirl of the smooth, fragrant drink. It did not go unnoticed how each time Dojima made him coffee, he made it slightly differently. Sometimes instant, sometimes with the good stuff from Junes, sometimes with milk or sugar. Perhaps it was his uncle’s own way of finding out which was his favourite — but Yu was hardly a picky person. Each time, he drank it down, enjoying the kind gesture. Today, he took tiny sips of the frothy blend as he looked around, noting Nanako’s absence.
“Oh,” Dojima began, noticing Yu’s wandering eyes. “Nanako’s… um, she was a little upset this morning, so she went back to her room. I’ll go get her now that you’re awake.”
Ah, of course, Yu thought. Nanako, out of all of his friends and family, seemed to be taking his leaving the hardest — even more so than Yosuke, his own Partner. Partner… Yu thought, clenching his jaw as he prepared himself for today’s goodbyes. What would it be like, truly saying goodbye to Yosuke for the first time ever, and not a ‘see you tomorrow’ or ‘catch you later’? And what would they do, for the year ahead where they would surely not be by each others’ sides? Then what after?
“Big Bro,” came a quiet sniffle as Nanako shuffled into the room, stopping in front of Yu as she looked down at her feet.
“Nanako, good morning,” Yu set down his coffee and rose from his chair. He wbent down to his knees to give his little cousin a big hug. She relented, burying her face in his shoulder.
“Good morning…” she said wobbly.
“Now, Nanako, remember you promised you wouldn’t cry today,” Dojima scolded her, but his tone was gentle as he rested a hand on her shoulder. Nanako and Yu drew apart as she found her way to her chair. “Come on, let’s have breakfast before we send your Big Bro off with his friends at the station.”
Nanako nodded, putting on a brave smile as her eyes met Yu’s for the first time that morning. “We’re gonna eat lots of breakfast so you won’t be hungry on the train, Big Bro!”
“Mhm, we will,” Yu nodded in reply.
“That’s the spirit,” Dojima praised, a chuckle behind his breath.
Yu had been so preoccupied with his last breakfast with the Dojimas that he hadn’t even spared a chance to check his phone yet. As he finished his last gulp of coffee, he pulled his phone out to check his messages out of curiosity. He was sure that most of his friends would leave their goodbyes and final words to say in person, so he hadn’t had the urge to look until now. But, an inbox notification from Yosuke caught his eye. Yu held his breath as he opened it and read it.
>> hey. do u have some time b4 u head 2 the station today? i want 2 see u… i’ll meet u outside ur house?
Yu was able to read between the lines. Yosuke wanted one last moment with the two of them, alone. Surely, he still had time, as the Dojimas habitually rose and ate breakfast bright and early. Yu checked his watch and was relieved to find that he had about an hour.
“I’m going out for a bit,” Yu announced, flipping his phone shut, “Yosuke asked to meet up before I go.”
“Okay,” Dojima nodded knowingly. He didn’t exactly start off on the best terms with Yosuke Hanamura, but it didn’t take a detective to know what was going on between the two boys. Whatever made his nephew happy, he thought. “Be back by quarter past nine for us to drive you to the station. Don’t want to miss your train.
Yu nodded his thanks and gave Nanako one last hug before he was pulling on his shoes, and out the door. After a quick text to Yosuke confirming that he would be out and on his way, they rendezvoused at the Central Shopping District.
“Hey Partner,” Yosuke grinned his usual greeting, before pulling Yu into a tight hug. They lingered for a moment. When Yosuke pulled away, his eyes were cloudy. “You had breakfast?”
“Yeah, just then. You?”
“Same here.”
The two nodded, silence washing upon them. There was so much to say, that for a moment, nothing was uttered at all.
Yu looked around. It was still plenty early but the town was beginning to stir. Elderly ladies went about their morning walks, and children were already out playing by the shrine.
“How about we go somewhere quieter?” Yosuke suggested, unknowingly taking the subconscious thoughts out of Yu’s mind.
“I’d like that.”
The Samegawa Riverbank was still patchy with grass, greener than the dry, yellowish tinge it assumed in the autumn of their spontaneous brawl. They laid spread-eagled on their backs, just like before. Grass tickled Yu’s collar as he scratched absentmindedly at his neck.
There was no point in Yosuke asking when Yu’s train was — he knew. He had the date and time saved as soon as Yu told him. He didn’t need to ask him how he felt, or how long the journey would be, or if his parents were going to be welcoming home. These were the simplest things that Yosuke, that anyone could ask and receive an answer. Yosuke knew that Yu would be back in time for Golden Week, and definitely sometime during the summer too. He knew that they would still stay in touch, that they would be partners—boyfriends—despite the distance and circumstances. Yu would go back to his life in the big city, and Yosuke would make do with what he had left in Inaba. It wasn’t a fair trade, but within another year, they might just be together again. Yosuke had resolved himself to study his hardest for his third and final year, and make it to the competitive universities in the city that he knew Yu had his eye on.
“Will you be okay?”
Yu’s question came out of the blue, and frankly frightened Yosuke. He turned his head to shoot his Partner a quizzical look.
“U-um, yeah? I mean, what do you mean?” Yosuke asked.
“Will you be okay here?”
Genuine concern — that was the look on Yu’s face.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Yosuke answered plainly, “Yeah, you’ll be gone… but I have my family, and our friends. I have Teddie, and Chie, and Yukiko, and Kanji, and even though Naoto and Rise will be gone, they’ll come and visit, just like you will.”
Yu shook his head, turning to his side so he was facing Yosuke.
“I know that. I’m glad we’ve made so many friends while we’re here. But…”
He trailed off.
“But what?” Yosuke prompted. He was beginning to feel frustrated, but didn’t know why.
Yu sighed. “Look. I know you’ve been talking about studying real hard this year, and that’s great, but… I want you to do it for you.”
“What? Of course! Who else would I be doing it for? It’s not like my parents are the strictest in that sense… they just want me to do ‘okay’.”
Yu pressed his lips into a thin line. “I know you’ve been looking into the universities I’ve mentioned.”
“Yeah? They’re great. I know they rank high and stuff, but I think I can really do it. Or at least get into another university nearby, and then we can—”
“This is your life, Yosuke. There is no ‘we’.”
“And I want to go to university in Tokyo and live with my boyfriend. Is that so crazy of a dream?”
Yosuke didn’t mean to spit out his last words, and immediately regretted it. Too harsh. The guy was going to be leaving today, for god’s sake. The last thing they needed was to end it on a quarrel.
“Yosuke… I don’t want you to feel like you’re second to anyone. Not to me, or to whoever else that might be. Do you really want this? To go to university in Tokyo?”
Yu was begging quietly for an answer now. Why wasn’t he satisfied with Yosuke’s insistence?
The brunette reached out to take one of Yu’s hands in his own. He clasped his fingers, bony and a little cold. Yu’s hands were warm. They always were.
“I’m so serious, Partner. I’m a city boy at heart. I don’t wanna graduate high school and just get promoted to who-knows-what at Junes. I miss the city too, even if I say I love Inaba now. I miss the bustle and the ever-busy streets. Sure, I’ll admit that I hadn’t had my hopes set that high on the top schools, but what’s the harm in working at my very best? And, to top it all off, you’re gonna be there. It’s a win-win situation.”
His eyes were earnest and true, searching for a sliver of relief. Yu didn’t speak, not yet.
Yosuke had never been one to have any crazy big dreams about things like which university he’d go to, or what kind of high-paying job he’d end up in, if at all. There was only the here, and then, and the mystery of the future. He had been fine with trying not to think about it, having been shown how volatile his fate was — a mere internal transfer sent his family packing for Inaba. But this past year…
“You’ve shown me I can do more. Be more.”
Has he? Yu thought to himself. It was true that he was the one who brought their group of friends together — their “leader”. He assumed the role naturally, but still felt as though they were all equals.
“Most of that was your own personal growth, Yosuke. You faced your own shadow after all. I didn’t even face mine,” Yu deflected. His hands were still in Yosuke’s. He felt the other boy tremble a little.
“Facing my shadow… was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I know that there’s a good reason why you never did. And maybe you’ll never have to. Maybe you’ve already got it all figured out and… you were just showing us a better way to live.”
Yosuke’s eyes were fond. His tone was far removed from the harshness of before. He gripped onto Yu, like he was about to leave any moment (which he was).
“Maybe,” Yu echoed, not quite sure himself.
“Partner,” Yosuke began, sensing Yu’s shift to uncertainty. He played it off in a jovial tone. “Will you be okay? Going back alone?”
They shared a quiet laugh, both with the lingering feeling that it might be the last one in a while. Rhey were comfortable with the silence that passed, hands still entwined as they lay on the scratchy grass banks of the Samegawa River. Waking early had begun to creep up on Yosuke, who started to doze off. He had almost perfected his summer bream sleep-in schedule, but had rose early to make sure he was there to see Yu one more time before they’d all send him off at the station. His grip fell slack as he closed his eyes. The air was still slightly chilly, but the spring sun had begun to peer down as a pleasant warmth on his face
Yu traced the lines of Yosuke’s palm, committing his hands to memory. It would be another month or so before they could be close like this, and even then it would only be a couple of days for Golden Week.
“Yosuke,” Yu whispered, when the time on his watch began testing the limits of Dojima’s patience. “I have to go.”
He shook the other boy awake lightly, who came to his senses with a startle. He sat up in alarm as his bleary eyes adjusted to the light. Yu followed suit, dusting off his jacket.
“Shit! Why did you let me fall asleep?” Yosuke exclaimed, hands flailing aimlessly about, trying to find Yu’s hands again. “No… I had this whole thing planned were we were going to talk and then hold hands and then kiss and then go for a walk—”
Yu kissed him on cue. He flushed, lips parting as his Partner drew away. It was only a peck, and he wasn’t expecting it. Yosuke felt himself needing more.
“There, now we’ve done all of those things but go for a walk,” Yu smiled, now almost shy. “Walk me back home?”
Yu’s hand was outstretched — he had risen to his feet already. Yosuke took the offer, and also the chance to pull himself up close. He stole a longer kiss from his unsuspecting boyfriend.
“Hey…” Yu was grinning from ear to ear when they pulled apart. Yosuke felt as if he had been personally blessed by the gods, seeing his Partner grinning all giddy and fond like that.
“Of course I’ll walk you home,” Yosuke nodded, his hands finding their place in Yu’s once more.
They took off, without any further words of ‘goodbye’. It was idle chatter that filled the in-betweens of the walk down the road, up the stretch, and turns and corners. They kept on chattering, as if the looming farewell was only a ‘to be continued’ for the infinite conversations to be had.
At the station, Yu did not cry. He was so sure he would break composure before loading himself onto the train, but he kept it in for the moment. But the sight of all of his friends running on the platform, of Nanako who was in tears while his Uncle pat her shoulder, and the sight of Yosuke — who screamed and yelled the loudest for him to hear, who ran as far as he could to catch one more glimpse of his Partner — Yu couldn’t help but let a small sob escape his throat when the train rounded the corner and he couldn’t see any of the people he loved and cherished like family anymore.
It would be a long year ahead, and he would be alone for most of it. His parents would be back, but they would soon be gone again. And again. Despite this, and the stifled sniffles that plagued Yu’s entire trip back to Tokyo, he left Inaba with a bigger, fuller heart, and a deep valley in it shaped like home.