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Why are you once again crying over the same, stupid thing?
Sabi ko isipan ko habang patuloy na umiiyak.
Hindi ko man alam yung mismong dahilan kung bakit, dahil hindi ako ganoon kadaling paiyakin ay patuloy pa rin umaagos ang luha sa aking pisngi. Siguro dahil na rin ito sa mga nagtagong emosyon na sa tuwing umiiyak ako ay yun lang ang chance nila para magsilabasan? O baka dahil sa--hindi.
Hindi ito dahil doon.
Hindi na ito tungkol sa kaniya ngayon.
"Hala, bakit ka umiiyak?" Nagulat na tanong sa akin ng katabi ko, habang patuloy akong umiiyak sa panonood namin ng stage play.
"Kasiiiiiii--" Umiiyak kong sabi. Bigla niya akong nilapit sa kaniya at binalewala ang harang sa bawat silya para lang yakapin ako.
"Shh, huy. Wag ka nang umiyak!" He said as he locked me in his arms, while me on the other hand is still crying for I-don't-know-why reason.
Dang it. When am I not gonna cry when a scene is about family or connected to it? It's my third time crying at the same stage play that we are watching.
Nakakahiya.
But I can't help it.
I can hear the concern in my classmates' voices as they ask my why I was crying.
"Uy hala, Arin bakit ka umiiyak?"
"Arin, anyare?"
Me on the other hand is still bawling my eyes out while this guy is still attempting to calm me down by hugging me. Ramdam ko yung pag-aalala sa boses niya as he seeks help from our classmates.
"Guys, paano ba patahanin to?" Tanong niya sa mga kaklase namin, na binigo siya dahil tanging kibit - balikat lang ang naisagot nila. He sighed and put his attention back to me again.
Hihigpitan niya yung yakap niya kahit alam kong hindi siya kumportable sa posisyon namin dahil may armrest ang bawat silya sa pinanonooran namin na theater.
"Uy Arin, bakit ka ba umiiyak?" Tanong niyang muli sa akin…
"Eh kasi, eh. Kaya dapat natutulog na lang ako tuwing stage play, eh!" rant ko sa kaniya habang patuloy na umiiyak. Tinapik-tapik niya yung likod ko as a sign of comfort while he listens to my rant.
"Bakit sa lahat ng topic, tungkol pa sa pamilya? what the actual hell? This is SO unfair!"
We stayed in that position for a while, and inaasar na kami talagang talaga ng mga kaklase namin dahil 'mukha raw kaming magjowa'.
Natawa na lang ako sa kanila dahil alam kong kahit nagbibiro sila, hinihiling rin nila na sana totoo.
Well, we all have the same wish.
Naramdaman kong kumawala siya sa yakap niya sa akin at bumuntung-hininga. Hinanap niya yung bag niya at may kinuha siya doon. I tried wiping my tears dahil I want to know kung ano yung kinukuha niya... I was a little bit scared when he covered my eyes while saying "I was supposed to give this after the stage play kaso wala akong maisip na paraan para mapatahan ka."
Huh. Does he know that I was once a fan of surprises?
Was is the keyword there, actually.
I feel him move something and put it on my lap. Hindi ko alam kung ano yun at first because it was too light. Then he removed his hands to reveal what is was.
A teddy bear!
Napakamot siya ng batok niya as he starts to explain. "Marami akong spare na pera kaya nung napadaan ako sa arcade eh naisipan kitang kuhaan..."
I was about to ask how much did it cost him but he 'read' my mind and responded "Don't worry, it only took me one try to do so. Alam ko na yung gagawin ko after I got one for Jen."
Ngumiti siya bago magpatuloy sa pagsasalita, "You're welcome."
Tinitigan ko yung teddy bear na binigay niya sa akin. It's the right size to fit in a bag as big as he has. Kulay brown siya and its eyes are closed haha. It also has rosy cheeks and it's also pouting.
Mukha siyang natutulog sa porma ng mukha niya and it seems so peaceful.
Napangiti ako at niyakap yung stuffed toy.
"Binigyan mo lang ako nito kasi ilang buwan na kita kinukulit dito, eh." He shook his head in response.
"No. Ilang beses na ako sumusubok para makuhaan ka nito. At kahit kulitin mo ako o hindi, I'll still get you one." He smiled warmly at me as he picks up the bear and holds it for himself.
"Noong nakita ko 'to sa display I put a token in a hurry kasi nag-iisa na lang siya doon. And it's the most bearable one sa display." Natawa ako kasi I thought he was joking on the 'bearable one' thing.
"No, I wasn't kidding. Unless you wanted an Angry Bird stuffed toy?"
"Sus. For all I know ibibigay mo lang 'to kay Charlotte~" biro ko sa kaniya but in the back of my mind I'm already thinking of ways how to murder her in my dreams—I shook my head to get that out of my system and looked at him.
"Thank you. Wala pang nagbibigay ng ganito sakin." I gave him a genuine smile. It's true.
Because the surprises I received back then were all heartbreaking.
"I know. I could tell through your eyes." Natawa na lang ako sa kaniya at sinubukan siyang paluin.
"Ang yabang mo!" Inis kong sabi sa kaniya. Tinawanan niya lang ako at ginulo ang magulo ko nang buhok.
"Gusto mo naman." Napatigil ako sa pagtawa and I could tell na natigilan rin siya dahil sa sinabi niya.
We both know na nagbibiro lang siya but may biglang awkwardness na yumakap sa aming dalawa.
He said what?
That I liked it?
I mean, it's true. I did like it— no, I love it. Just as much as I do to him.
Was it that obvious?
Natagalan akong magbigay ng retort but I don't think he noticed because I can tell that he's occupied with his own thoughts. Napangiti na lang ako habang tinititigan ko siya.
Kahit madilim sa loob ng theater I could clearly see his charateristics stand out. His attractive face is more attractive when I was viewing it from the side. I mean, just…
From the shape of his face, to how thick his eyebrows are, or how long his eyelashes are? Don't even start with his eyes—
I managed to wake myself up in my own daydream and shook him lightly. Lumingon naman siya sa akin, confused.
"Uy. Seryoso. Thank you ah?"
"Arin, wala yun. Anything for you." Nakangiti kaming tumitig sa isa't-isa at nanatili sa ganung posisyon. In a comfortable silence.
I wish time stops so I could stay here forever.
Nagulat ako when he broke his gaze to look at my hands.
Tinignan ko naman kung saan nakalagay yun and I blushed as I realized na nakapatong pala sa kamay niya yung kamay ko.
I pulled back my hand as fast as I could.
"Hala hindi ko alam! Sorry!" He let out a soft chuckle as he grabs my hand and puts it back kung saan siya nakalagay kanina.
"Ok lang, I don't mind" nagtataka ko siyang tinitigan at tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay.
"What? Ayoko lang na umiyak ka ulit. Kaya kung kumportable kang hawakan yung kamay ko, bakit hindi? I don't mind." Sabi niya at tumingin sa harap para panoorin ulit yung stage play.
Good for me kasi hindi niya makikita kung gaano kalaki ang ngiti ko at kung gaano ako kapula.
Tinitigan ko ulit siya and he seems more relaxed. Siguro kasi huminto na ako sa pag-iyak.
Hindi ko alam to be honest. But as I was looking at him may naramdaman akong gumalaw sa kaliwang kamay ko. I looked over just to see that he unconsciously intertwined our hands.
I'm stuck between savoring the moment or letting him know what he did.
Nakatitig lang ako doon nang mapansin kong tumingin siya sa tinitignan ko.
Napangiti lang ulit siya.
"Okay lang ba?" He asked.
I just nodded lightly as a response. Ginulo niya ulit yung buhok ko (na hindi ko pa naaayos ulit) at bumalik sa panonood.