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Skateboard skated through the streets of Craterdust. Who would’ve guessed.
He dissociated for a few seconds, causing him to slam into a wall and fall to the ground.
“Ugh-“ Skateboard groaned. Thankfully, the only thing that hurt was his back.
The ambience around him was suddenly interrupted by the VERY obnoxious crying of what sounded like a baby.
“…what the fuck-“ Skateboard looked to where he thought the crying was coming from, an alley right next to the wall he crashed in to. There was a box with something wiggling around in it. “Okay, yeah, that’s DEFINITELY a baby.”
Skateboard sighed, went over to the box, and picked it up. Aside from the very obvious inphernal baby inside, it had only a few thin blankets on the bottom. The crying was very harsh on his ears, but he figured he could slam his head into a wall once he got the baby somewhere that wasn’t a cold and uncomfortable alleyway.
Coil and Boombox were watching a random shitty movie together on the couch. Coil reached to grab a chip from the bowl on the table in front of the two of them, but almost accidentally knocked it over as Skateboard kicked the front door open. Anything that Coil and Boombox would’ve said was interrupted by the confusion and alarm of Skateboard holding a box containing a baby.
“Skateboard, why the fuck do you have a baby?!” Coil asked.
“And why in the inpherno is it in a box?” Boombox added on.
“I found it in a random alleyway. Anyways, where should I put this thing?”
“Uh…” Boombox pointed to the chair next to the couch. “There, I guess.”
Skateboard placed the box containing the baby on the chair. He, Coil, and Boombox couldn’t help but stare at the failed abortion. It had gray skin and a cyan onesie covered in a bit of dirt. Its horns were also cyan.
“So, uh… what now? What do we do with it?” Skateboard asked.
“Don’t you spend your time saving newspawns from dying? I feel like you, of all people, should know what to do with this thing.” Coil answered.
“Okay- okay, look, taking care of an 11 year old and taking care of a baby are two different skill sets! An 11 year old won’t die to a light breeze.” Skateboard replied.
“…fair point.” Boombox said.
The three of them stared at the dried up fetus for a few more seconds, until Boombox said, “We should give it a name.”
“No, dude!” Skateboard objected, “If we do, people will think it’s our-“
“Name it Failed Abortion.” Coil interrupted.
“What.” Skateboard and Boombox said at the same time.
“Name it Failed Abortion.” Coil repeated.
Boombox stared directly at Coil. “…okay, we are now taking name suggestions from anyone but you.”
“What about Abortion?” Skateboard suggested.
Boombox sighed. “Fine. Fine! We’re calling this thing Abortion, but only because it shuts you two up faster.”
Abortion started crying again.
“Oh come the fuck on.” Coil groaned.
Skateboard flinched from the sudden crying. “What does it want?!”
“I dunno!” said Boombox, “Give it some food! See if that works!”
Coil power walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge.
“Okay, we got carrots, uncooked wieners, and beer. Should I just throw it all in a blender and see if Abortion eats it without getting sick?”
“NO! NO, DON’T GIVE IT BEER!” Boombox said, more panicked than mad.
“Alright, beer it is then.”
“COIL!”
“Alright, alright! Carrots it is…” Coil took the carrots out of the fridge and placed them on the counter. He then looked through the cabinets until he found the blender, which he also put on the counter. Coil plugged in the blender and threw the carrots in there. He started blending the carrots. The noise from the blender made Abortion’s crying even worse.
“Damnit…” Boombox muttered.
“Don’t worry! I got this!” Skateboard proudly declared before turning towards Abortion. “Stop crying. Now’s not the time for that.”
Take a wild guess on if that worked. If you guessed that it failed horribly, then congratulations, you’re correct!
“…I hate you guys.” said by none other than Boombox.
“I love you too.” Skateboard replied.
Coil finally ceased his blending and threw the blended up carrots into a plastic cup that wouldn’t instantly kill Abortion if he accidentally dropped it on it.
“Alrighty. Order up.” Coil marched back over to the two and the baby.
“About time!” Boombox snatched the plastic cup from Coil and awkwardly poured a bit of it on Abortion’s face. Abortion did not eat it. Abortion did not cease its crying.
Boombox sighed. “Okay, onto Plan B!”
“What the hell is Plan B?” asked Coil.
Boombox summoned his gear. His boombox.
“BOOMBOX!” Skateboard yelled, causing Abortion to cry even harder, “BOOMBOX DO NOT PLAY SLEEP PHONK FOR-“
Boombox did not play sleep phonk. Instead, he played a normal lullaby. Skateboard let out a sigh of relief.
Abortion was still crying.
It was at that moment, Coil realized the TV was still on. It was almost certainly causing Abortion to feel overstimulated.
“Uh, one sec…” Coil grabbed the remote off of the couch and turned the TV off. “Boom, try muting the volume on your gear.”
“Alright…” Boombox did as Coil said, muting the volume on his boombox.
After a few more seconds of silence from the three, Abortion finally stopped crying.
The three let out a collective sigh of relief. “Thank fucking goodness…” said the three in unison.