Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hello, internet. If you’re reading this, you no doubt know that the reports of my
social demise are not, in fact, exaggerated. Yes, it's true. In a few short weeks, I
managed to make myself into a social outcast. However, the circumstances of this
have almost certainly been reported incorrectly. This, ladies and gentlemen, is my
story.

Part One
In which I accidentally come out to the whole school, complete with a fake account of how I lost my virginity to a guy at community college.

It starts at lunch on Friday. Louis is contemplating how to work some barbs about hipsters into his latest essay for Mr. Grimshaw’s class when Zayn flops onto the bench next to him, pushing his forehead against the top of Louis’ shoulder. Louis puts down his pen (sparkly and hot pink, just to be annoying) and looks down at his best friend.

“You’re about to ask me something that you already know I’m going to say no to,” he says to the top of Zayn’s perfectly-quiffed head. “Out with it, then.”

Zayn looks up, all wide eyes and pleading pout. “Perrie’s having a party at her place tonight and I need you to come with me.”

Louis sighs. “I knew it. And as predicted, the answer is no. You know half of them hate me, anyway.”

Zayn nudges against his arm again. “I just want you there, Lou.”

Louis does feel pretty bad about turning Zayn down, really. He’s been pining after Perrie since last school year and it’s been a slow process of getting him to open up around her.

“What you really mean is that you want me there to distract Jade long enough to get alone with Perrie. The girl is like a piranha, Zayn. All sharp teeth, ready to bite me in places that really shouldn’t be bitten.”

Zayn is still looking up at him through his ridiculous eyelashes and Louis can feel it chipping away on his resolve. He knows that if Zayn keeps talking, he’s going to give in and it’s going to be miserable, so he says the first thing that comes to mind.

“Anyway, I have a date, so I can’t go.”

That makes Zayn sit up in surprise. “Wait, really? Who with?”

“You don’t have to sound so shocked,” Louis mutters.

“No, but really,” Zayn lowers his voice, looking around the crowded lunchroom. “Is it someone from here? Is it Niall?!” He’s looking around the room, like someone might jump up and confess to it.

“Um, no...it’s, uh, this guy I met,” Louis starts, brain frantically trying to come up with something, anything, to tell Zayn. “He goes to the community college. I ran into him at...the grocery store. Yeah, and, like, we just started talking and now we’re going on a date.”

Zayn look at him expectantly and Louis squirms, unsure of what to say next. “I mean, I guess you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Zayn finally says quietly. He glances down at his lunch and Louis knows that if he asked, Zayn wouldn’t push the issue.

“Um,” Louis stalls. “His name is Greg. And he’s...he’s tall?” Zayn looks like he’s not really buying it, but fortunately for Louis and his big mouth, Niall drops onto the bench across from them with what looks like enough food to feed Louis’ entire family.

“What’s good, lads?” he asks. Louis just shrugs, reaching across the table for a handful of Niall’s chips. Zayn’s eyes narrow.

“Louis has a date tonight.”

Niall glances quickly at Louis, who hopes he doesn’t look too panicked, and then shrugs
easily. “That’s cool. Hey, Zayn, you going to Pez’s party tonight?” Louis could kiss Niall for the change in topic.

“What? Oh, yeah. You going?” Zayn says excitedly.

Niall grins, wide and easy. “Of course. I might even get Liam to show up this time. Dani’s been working on talking him into it all week.”

“Oh really...” Zayn looks over as Louis stares intently down at his lunch, avoiding the glance. Louis can practically hear the wheels turning in Zayn’s head. The thing is, Louis has had this dumb crush on Liam since they were like seven years old, but he absolutely refuses to do anything about it, to Zayn’s eternal exasperation.

Louis quickly tunes out the rest of the conversation. Thankfully Zayn has moved on to the actual details of the party, so he doesn’t have to make up more information about his fake date and Zayn doesn’t bring it up for the rest of the day.

Louis spends 90% of his night, and the rest of the weekend, playing princess dress-up with his sisters. It’s honestly one of his better weekends, and as a result, by the time Monday comes around, he’s mostly forgotten about his fake date with Greg.

It just makes it easier for Zayn to catch him alone in the bathroom before the first bell.

He’s sleepily washing his hands and checking in the mirror that his hair is lying flat when Zayn slides up next to him without a word.

Louis just looks at him. “Why, yes, hello, Zayn. It’s lovely to see your beautiful face this morning too.”

Zayn nudges at Louis’ arm. “I did it, Lou.”

When Louis looks a bit closer, he sees that Zayn is biting at his lip hesitantly and there’s a beginnings of a bashful smile on his face. He also has a bruise peeking out from the top of his shirt collar. Louis grins in genuine excitement at Zayn.

“Oh man, Zayn. Really?” Zayn doesn’t answer, just nods quickly. Louis drapes an arm across Zayn’s shoulders, pulling him close. “Was it everything you hoped and dreamed?” he whispers into Zayn’s ear, punctuating it with a quick lick.

Zayn squeaks and pushes him away, reaching up to wipe his ear off. “Gross, Louis.” Louis just sticks his tongue out in response. The thing is, he really IS happy for his friend, but he’s not going to back down from a chance to tease a bit.

“Just tell me this, Zayn. Were there fireworks?” Louis clasps his hands dramatically to his chest. “Did birds sing and flowers spontaneously bloom around your bed?”

Zayn just rolls his eyes a little. It’s a bit disappointing, Louis thinks it was at least a little funny. “We didn’t even really do anything, Lou. I just...I really wanna do this right, y’know?”

Louis relents. “I know, Zayn. You know I’m happy for you. And really, spare me the actual details when it happens.” He shudders for effect. “You know that’s not really my...area.”

Zayn’s gaze sharpens a bit at that last comment. “Speaking of areas, how was your date?”

Louis freezes. A side effect of practically forgetting about his lie is that he hasn’t come up a good way to tell Zayn it never happened. Put on the spot, Louis says the first thing that comes to mind.

“Oh, y’know. It was great. He was a real gentleman. Pulled out chairs for me, opened doors...” Louis trails of lamely, fidgeting.

“That’s really awesome, Lou.” Zayn sounds so genuinely happy for him that Louis’ treacherous brain feels the need to keep going.

“Yeah, I mean, you clearly know how it goes. We hit it off and just kept the party going, no time for texts to my best mate or anything.” He’s trying really hard to mask the fact that he might be a little bitter that Zayn never checked up with him. What if the date had gone badly?

Zayn doesn’t even notice, his eyes just widening a bit. “Wait, did you spend the whole weekend with him?”

“Urm, yes?” Zayn’s eyes widen even further. Louis makes a mental note to tease him about the Bambi look later.

He leans in closer. “Did you...?” he asks in what really isn’t a whisper at all. The words seem to echo around the small room.

“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell, Malik,” he says primly. “All I’ll say is that it was a lovely weekend.”

Zayn slings an arm across his shoulders and pressed his face to the top of Louis’ head. “You know I wouldn’t care either way. I’m just glad it was good.”

Before Louis can try and crawl out of the hole he appears to have dug himself into, the first warning bell rings and Zayn is pulling away. “Oh, shit, I told Perrie I’d meet her by her locker.” And then he rushes out the door, calling back, “See you later, Lou.”

Louis lets his head fall forward to lean against the mirror, eyes falling closed. “Fuck.”

He doesn’t even know why he kept the lie going. It’s not like this is the first time he’s turned down plans in favor of a weekend with his family, and Zayn would have understood. Suddenly the door to one of the stalls swings open, making him flinch back, and when he opens his eyes, Jake is smirking at him in the mirror.

Here’s the thing. Jake hates Louis. It’s never been clear if he’s holding onto a grudge from when they were seven (Louis spilled juice on Jake’s favorite shirt; it was a Big Deal) or if there’s something else. Regardless, his current smirk can’t mean anything good.

“Big weekend, huh?” Jake says.

Louis sighs. “Listen, Jake. Zayn doesn’t know what he’s talking about, I didn’t even have a date this weekend.”

Jake just rakes his gaze up Louis’ body, punctuating it with a raised eyebrow. “Mhm, I’m sure, Tomlinson. I know some people who’ll be quite pleased to hear what you got up to this weekend.”

Louis sputters. “No, I’m serious. Nothing happened.”

Jake just turns on the water at the sink, washes his hands and walks out.

“Double fuck,” mutters Louis, slumping against the wall. And then the first bell rings and he’s scrambling to gather up his books before he’s late for chemistry.

And that, my friends, is how it all started. I’d hoped that it wouldn’t turn into
a huge deal, but well, if hope is a thing with feathers, then those feathers turned
into wings that just made my “news” fly farther.

Part Two
In which gossip travels faster than the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.

Louis manages to make it into the chem lab just as the final bell is ringing, and based on the stares he’s seeing from Jake’s corner of the room, Jake has not decided to take the high road. At the lab bench next to him, Niall has his head buried in his arms on the tabletop, notebooks and pens scattered around him. He might be sleeping, it’s hard to tell. Louis picks up one of the pens and pokes Niall in the arm until he sits up, batting at the offending object.

“Late night?” Louis asks. Niall just scrunches his face up at him, eyes still hazy with sleep. Louis smiles fondly at him before reaching out to snag one of the notebooks Niall has out. “We need to talk. Just...don’t believe anything you hear about me.”

“Is Jake being a twat again?” Niall asks through a yawn. Louis rolls his eyes.

“You know it.”

This time it’s Niall with a fond smile. “I got ya’, Lou.”

Louis is hit with a wave of overwhelming affection for Niall in that moment. For all that they run in different social circles within the school, Niall has never stopped being there for him. It’s a comforting thought.

Louis spends the next 50 minutes of chemistry class trying to pay attention and mostly failing. It’s like he can feel the stares of Jake and his crew from the back of the room and he’s already wondering how far his “news” has spread. It’s a relief with the bell finally rings and Louis can all but drag Niall out of the room into a neighboring bathroom, locking the door behind them.

“What’s got you so twitchy today?” Niall asks, leaning up against the wall.

Louis takes a deep breath. “It was a lie, Niall. I didn’t want to go to the party so I made up a date. And now Zayn thinks I slept with someone who doesn’t exist. And Jake does too.”

Niall sighs and reaches out to pull Louis to his side. “Oh, Lou.”

Louis nuzzles into the side of Niall’s shoulder, letting some of the tension he’s been carrying since before school seep out. “I didn’t mean to, but it’s too late now, isn’t it?”

“Probably,” Niall says with a shrug. “But you’ve got us at least. Want me to explain it to Zayn, or do you wanna try?”

Louis thinks for a moment and then, “He was so excited about Perrie this morning, Nialler. I don’t wanna ruin that and make him worry about little ol’ me. It can wait.”

Then the bell rings and Niall is rushing out the door, calling back about seeing Louis at lunch. Louis slumps against the wall for a second of self pity and then, with a deep breath, pushes the door open into the rapidly clearing hallway.

Some of Jake’s cronies are lingering over by the lockers and as Louis rushes by then, head down, one of them yells out, “Sure you should be sitting down after your weekend, Tomlinson?” The rest of the boys laugh and Louis forces himself to just keep going. Mr. Grimshaw might have a tendency to wander into his own class late, but he doesn’t take kindly to students doing the same.

When he gets to his usual seat, there is a folded piece of paper sitting on the desk. Louis picks it up and opens it thoughtlessly. Written in bold, messy, black marker and underlined twice is the word “FAG”. He draws in a quick breath, crumpling up the paper and shoving it quickly into the bottom of his bag. He can hear snickers coming from the back of the room, but before he can decide whether to turn around, Mr. Grimshaw is sweeping into the room.

“Alright, you lot. Sit down, shut up, and take out your books.” He drops gracelessly onto the top of the big desk in the front of the room, pushing a stack of papers onto the floor in the process. “Now, I expect that most of you haven’t done the assigned reading, but instead of giving you all a pop quiz, we’re going to try something new. I’m going to ask you questions and we’ll see how much public humiliation it takes to make you do your work.”

Louis sinks down in his seat, hoping to avoid getting called on. He did about half the reading between bouts of entertaining his sisters and he has plans to download the movie this week, but ultimately, he’d gotten bored with Hester Prynne’s story and couldn’t be bothered. Except now, when he can practically feel the gaze of other students in the room, judging him for something that he knows didn’t happen, maybe he wishes that he’d read on to find out how it ends.

But, of course, luck is not on his side.

“Let’s start of easy, shall we? I just want someone to give me their opinion, as an outside observer, of this story.” There is dead silence in the room. “Anyone? No? Ok, then...Louis, I see you trying to hide. You’re up.”

Louis sighs in his seat and shifts to sit up straight again, reaching for his book to open it up to the one quote he’d picked out for this eventuality. He does try to be a good student sometimes, and for all that they clash, he enjoys debating with Mr. Grimshaw.

“Well it’s like, he uses too many words? Like this whole thing about the rosebush right at the beginning. Who even cares? He’s just clubbing us over the head with the symbolism of sweet moral blossoms before I even care about the story. It’s stupid, really.”

Louis sits back, feeling pretty smug about his answer. Especially the part where he didn’t have to reveal that he hadn’t gotten past the first chapter. Mr. Grimshaw appears to be pondering what to say next and in the silence, Louis hears very clearly from the back of the room. “You’d know about moral blossoms. Or maybe not anymore.”

He twists in his seat to glare at the offending corner. “At least I have hope of someone getting near my blossom, you enormous twat.”

There is a nearly unanimous gasp from the rest of the room and when Louis looks back to the front of the room, Mr. Grimshaw is staring right at him with the beginnings of a frown on his face. Louis opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, he’s being cut off.

“No, I don’t want to know. Louis, go to the office and come back tomorrow minus a few words. And I don’t want to hear another peep from that corner.”

And thus, Louis finds himself shifting uncomfortably in a hard plastic seat in the main office, waiting to be told he can go sit in Principal Cowell’s office for the first time in his life. It’s awkward and silent in the office. Tulisa, the main secretary, is off in the side storage room, leaving Louis alone with someone he vaguely recognizes as a member of Jake’s crew. He’s staring at Louis over the stack of papers he’s stapling and it’s honestly a bit creepy.

Finally the silence is too much. “See something you like?” Louis demands.

The other boy (Louis is fairly certain his name is Max) rolls his eyes. “You wish. Just taking a moment to witness the birth of the new school skank.”

Louis blinks at that. “Did it take you long to think that one up? Don’t hurt yourself.”

Max sneers and goes back to his stapling. Louis shifts to slump back in the seat, but then the door to Cowell’s office opens and a tall, lanky boy with a mop of curly hair walks out. He’s clutching an ice pack to the side of his head and deliberately looks away as he walks past Louis on his way out.

“Ok, next,” is called out from the depths of the office.

Louis all but throws himself onto yet another uncomfortable chair, crossing his arms defensively.

Simon shuffles some papers on his desk. “Ok, so...Louis. That’s you, right?” Louis nods. “I haven’t seen you in here before, so what brings you here now?”

“Urm...” Louis hadn’t expected to have to repeat what happened. “I called someone a twat in class,” he mutters sulkily.

That gets him a sigh from across the desk. “I don’t even want to know. Just consider this your warning and you’ll be on detention this afternoon helping another student clean the gymnasium.”

“But sir—!” Louis yelps. But before he can get any actual protests out, the principal is holding up a hand.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. Get Tulisa to write you a detention slip on your way out and I don’t want to see you in here again.”

The rest of the day passes by in a haze. Over lunch, he tells Niall what happened, getting a sympathetic hug. For the first time in years, Zayn isn’t sitting with them, instead squeezing onto a bench next to Perrie. He keeps grinning with delight at them from across the room, so Louis shoots him a quick thumbs up and an answering smile.

The smile drops as soon as Zayn turns away and he slumps against Niall. “This sucks.”

Niall just pushes the basket of chips closer to him. Louis’ friends suck.

When he walks into the gym that afternoon for his detention, the only other person in there is the boy from the office. He’s mopping over in a corner and even from across the room Louis can see an angry-looking bruise over his eyebrow. He doesn’t look up until the door clicks shut behind Louis.

“Just us?” asks Louis.

The other boy shrugs. “Guess so. They just told me to mop up and make sure all the trash is picked up.” His voice is deep and slow. Louis imagines that if honey could talk, it would sound like him.

“I don’t think I know your name? M’name’s Louis.”

“‘m Harry. But I’m pretty sure the whole school knows who you are now.”

Louis slumps in place a bit. “Figures. Okay, well, cool talk then. I’ll just leave you be and go work on the other side. Wouldn’t want my social outcast vibes to rub off on you or anything.”

He starts to walk away, but Harry quickly closes the distance between them, grabbing onto the strap of his school bag. It startles Louis into dropping the bag, papers sliding out to spill across the floor.

“Crap, oh gosh I’m sorry!” Harry says. “I just...it’s fine. I don’t care about the rumors.”

Louis watches as he fidgets with the bracelets on his bony wrists, looking for any hint of ingenuity, but Harry just looks anxious, like he desperately wants Louis to believe him. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “Lemme just pick this all up so we can just get this dumb punishment over with.”

He stoops to gather up the fallen papers, but doesn’t notice the crumpled up note from English class has rolled away until Harry is picking it up. It’s come partially open and Louis watches as Harry freezes, reading the ugly word.

“I didn’t write it,” Louis says quickly.

Harry lets his hand curl around it, hiding it from view. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to see.”

Awkward silence descends and they busy themselves in the set task. Louis starts wishing that he’d at least remembered his iPod today, just to create some background noise. They’re nearly done when he breaks.

“The rumors aren’t true, y’know. I don’t know what you heard, but it’s not true.”

Harry smirks. “So you mean you didn’t hook up with three drag queens out back of the bar on Saturday night?”

Louis’ mouth drops. “I...Wait, are you kidding me?!” He stares at Harry, eyes narrowed, until he sees the beginning of a genuine smile. “Oh my god, you are. I didn’t think you had it in you, Curly.”

The small grin turns into a wide and easy smile. “Got ya.”

“That you did.” Louis smiles back, cuffing him gently on the shoulder. “C’mon, let’s finish this up.”

Harry pauses. “And then you’ll tell me the real story?”

“Sure, kid.”

Fifteen minutes later, they’re slumped against the far wall of the gym. Harry’s produced a banana seemingly out of nowhere and is munching away happily, looking at Louis expectantly.

Louis takes in a breath. “Well, first of all, absolutely none of the story is true.”

Harry pauses in his banana consumption to stare at him. “So why haven’t you said? Fight the rumors or something?”

“Have you ever tried to start a fight with Jake and his goons?” Louis shrugs. “Might as well just ride it out.”

“But when you say all of the story is fake...” Harry trails off, looking uncertain. “I mean, are certain parts of it...something that could be true?”

Louis thinks about it for a second before he realizes what Harry’s referring to. “Ah. Yeah, well, I guess that part where I’d rather kiss boys than girls is true. Problem?” He hunches in on himself defensively.

Harry just nudges his shoulder. “Makes two of us, then. I guess this isn’t a great way for everyone else to find out though, huh?”

Louis lets himself uncurl, slinging an arm around Harry’s neck to pull him close. Harry’s ridiculous hair is tickling the side of his face and filling his senses with the scent of something citrus-y. For the first time all day, he feels like maybe he’ll come out on top of this mess.

“Well, young Haz, what do you suggest I do, if you’re so wise?”

“It seems to me,” Harry says slowly. “that your only options are to try and hide away from it...or you just have to own it. Act like you don’t care and flaunt it. People will get bored eventually, right?”

Louis thinks about that for a second. There is some merit to the idea, people will do anything to talk about someone if that person seems ashamed of it. He’ll have to think about it.

“I guess you’re not just all hair up there.” Louis catches sight of the clock and starts at how much time has passed. “Anyway, I need to go, but I guess I’ll see you around.”

He stands up and starts to walk away, but then stops as Harry calls out to him. Harry is picking himself up off the floor as he turns in place. “You should give me your number,” he says.

Louis raises an eyebrow. “Oh, I should?”

Harry smiles shyly. “At the very least, you’ll have someone who knows the truth to complain at.”

Louis concedes the point, swapping phones with him to punch in their numbers. He doesn’t actually have time to dwell on it. It’s going to be hard enough trying to explain the detention to his mom.

Here’s the thing, internet. It was good advice. To a point.

Part Three
In which some choices are made. Possibly terrible ones.

The next morning, Louis wakes up feeling marginally better about his life. He holds no illusions that school isn’t going to suck, but a solid night of sleep and a good think about his conversation with Harry has left him with a new resolve. If people are going to talk shit about him, well...then he’s going to give them something to talk about.

He’s in the process of struggling into his tightest pair of jeans when his phone chimes from somewhere on his desk. When he picks it up, there is a message waiting from “Harry ”.

Hey, can we talk before school?

Louis doesn’t think much of it, answering back with a quick yes and rushing out the door before he’s too late for even a quick chat. He’s barely finished locking up his bike when Harry is wandering up to him. Today he’s wearing a fedora.

“Nice hat, Harold,” Louis teases.

Harry reaches up to adjust it, eyes crinkling up in a smile. “Heyyy, be nice to my hat.”

They wander off to huddle in one of the alcoves behind the school, Louis trying to steal the hat off Harry’s head the whole way. “So why’d you ask me out here anyway?” Louis asks.

He watches as Harry fidgets in place, clearly determined to not look up and meet Louis’ eyes. His anxiety sits wrong on him. They haven’t even known each other for 24 hours, but Louis already knows that this boy should always be smiling.

“Come on, out with it. It’s not like anything you could say would shock me at this point.”

Louis is then promptly proven wrong by what comes out of Harry’s mouth.

“I need your help wooing Nick Grimshaw.”

Louis pauses and turns the words over in his head. There’s only one Grimshaw in the school, and he’s not a student.

“Come again?”

Harry finally looks up to meet his eyes. “But that’s the problem. No one’s coming at all.”

Louis sputters and Harry’s whole face scrunches up with his laughter. “Ok, but like...Mr. Grimshaw the English teacher?! Does he know that you’re trying to woo him? He’s so old.”

It takes Harry a minute before he can answer properly. “He’s not that old! The year’s almost over and he’s already told me he’ll be leaving afterwards.”

“I’m still not seeing how I come into this,” Louis says quietly.

“It’s like we were saying yesterday,” Harry says earnestly. “You can either try to hide, or you can show everyone that you don’t care about what they’re saying. We can help each other here.”

“I’m still not following and you’re running out of time.” Louis waves his hand a bit, trying to will Harry into talking faster. Harry looks frustrated for a second and then takes a deep breath.

“I’m supposed to be using the rest of this year to ‘find myself’ because I’ve never properly been with anyone. And I told Nick that I don’t want to find myself, I just want him. I just thought...well, maybe we could pretend like we hooked up? Then I can tell Nick that I’ve at least tried with someone else, and you get to show everyone else who much you don’t care about their rumors.”

Louis mulls it over. He feels like there should be something wrong with this logic, with everything, but he can’t quite pin it down. Especially not with Harry staring at him, wide-eyed and pleading. Zayn would probably be able to tell him why this is stupid, but well, Zayn isn’t here.

“If we’re going to do this, you are going to tell everyone about how fantastic I am in bed.”

Harry nearly tackles him to the floor in thanks. “This is going to be the best fake sex anyone has ever had.”

The rest of the week kind of sucks. It’s been a week of being elbowed in the hallways and nasty notes slipped through the slits in his locker. The rumors aren’t really dying down, Zayn is still off in Perrie-land, and all Louis can do is cling to the slim hope that Harry’s plan is going to change anything. In fact, the tag-team of Harry and Niall is the only thing that’s kept Louis from just running off into the sunset and never coming back.

Come Friday night, Louis and Harry show up together at the party, dressed to...pretend to have loud sex, Louis guesses. Honestly, when Harry showed up at his house with his skin-tight jeans and deep-scooped t-shirt, exposing the tattoos on his collarbones, Louis had almost turned around to go hide in bed for the rest of eternity. Harry practically carried him out the door, assuring him the whole way that his tight, black jumper and clingy deep red trousers were just fine.

He’s managed to mostly collect himself on the drive over, ready to put on a show by the time they’re wandering in the front door, already draped on each other.

He swaggers over to the first person who looks vaguely like they belong and gets right up in their face. “Tell me you know where there’s a bedroom I can borrow,” he demands, injecting as much false confidence and all his years of theatre into his voice as he can muster.

The girl just points down the hall, so Louis grabs Harry’s hand and stomps down the hall with him in tow.

“In you go, young Harold. We have unfinished business.” And then they’re tumbling into an empty guest bedroom. Louis quickly turns to lock the door behind them and strips off his shirt to drape over the doorknob and block the keyhole. Harry’s wandered over to sprawl on the bed and Louis wishes for a second that he could love Harry. It seems like his life might be easier that way.

“So, how d’ya wanna do this?” Harry says.

Louis looks at him blankly. “Are you forgetting that I have just as much experience as you? As in, none?” Louis looks up at the ceiling in despair. “Why is this happening?”

Harry rolls his eyes a little. “Well, then it’s a good thing we don’t actually have to do anything. Come on, this should be fun.”

Louis goes to flop on the bed next to Harry who immediately rolls to pounce on him, digging his fingers into the bare skin of his sides until Louis is breathless with laughter. It’s enough to break the dam of awkwardness that’s built up in his head and they spend the next several minutes trying to out-moan each other, making increasingly ridiculous faces and giggling. By the end, the bed is properly wrecked and both of them are flushed and disheveled.

They flop onto the bed again and Louis rolls to face Harry. “Well, Harry Styles, you’re a proper man now. If this isn’t good enough for Nick, then I figure nothing will be.”

Harry rolls over and pulls Louis to cuddle against his chest. “You’re the best, Louis. Thanks.”

Louis lets them cuddle for a few moments, but before long, the noise of the party starts to filter through the door again and he knows their time is up. Ruffling Harry’s hair one last time, he sits up on the bed. “Time to go face the adoring public then. You go first.”

Harry tosses him his shirt and then opens the door. No less than eight people lingering by the opening are trying very hard to pretend they haven’t been listening through the door and Louis just shakes his head, putting on his shirt. A wave of whispers follows Harry down the hall and then his vision is blocked by an angry-looking Jake.

“What the fuck?” he all but hisses.

Louis shrugs, letting the mantle of false bravado settle around him again. “Sorry. Sometimes you just can’t wait. Not that you’d know anything about that.”

He breezes out the door, more than ready to go home and watch movies until dawn, but Jake clearly isn’t done with him. Two things happen in quick succession that have Louis’ heart plummeting down to his toes. First, he walks out the door and directly into the brick wall that is Liam Payne’s chest. And second, Jake manages to yell out a final insult.

“I’d rather not know than be a slutty cocksucker like you.”

He feels Liam tense under where his hands are pressed to his chest and chances a glance up at his face. Liam is staring angrily over his shoulder, presumably at Jake, and for a second, Louis is actually concerned that there is going to be a fight. He pulls away uncertainly, trying to get away from the scrutiny of everyone else in this hallway, but all it does is refocus Liam’s attention directly on him. It figures, really. Any other day and Louis would be happy about it, but right now, he just wants to run.

“Hey, are you okay?” Liam asks. He looks so genuinely concerned and Louis thinks he might hurl. This isn’t how anything was supposed to go. Harry’s long gone, as planned, and without his earnest face, this is starting to feel like a mistake. Liam rubs a hand down Louis’ arm. “Hey, breathe. You’re fine.”

And that’s what does it. He’s not fine. And the last person in the world he wants realizing it is Liam. So, instead of answering, he pulls himself away from Liam’s comforting grip, pushes past him, and rushes out the front door.

He spends the three-street walk home thinking up ways that Jake could end up horribly maimed by Monday and definitely not thinking about how much bigger Liam is than him and how much he really likes that.

Confronted with the silence of his own bedroom, he curls up under all his blankets and pulls out his phone. Niall’s away for the weekend with his dad and Louis doesn’t dare try to call him, which leaves Zayn. Chances are good that he’s out with Perrie, but Louis hopes that he’ll be willing to chat even for a couple minutes, until he can re-center himself.

zap zayn picks up his phone when i call him in 2 minutes?

It’s the longest two minutes of his life and by the end of it, there’s no answering chime of a text from Zayn. He waits a few more seconds, and then hits the call button anyway. He has best friend immunity or something.

The phone rings nearly until it hits voicemail before Zayn answers, sounding grumpy and out of breath. “Louis, what’s up?”

Louis lets out a slow breath, already feeling better at the sound of a familiar voice. “Now Zayn, do I really need a reason to call my best friend?” In the background of the call, he hears a car alarm go off and the tell-tale click of Zayn flicking on his lighter.

“Louis...”

“It was just a shit night, Zayn. Wanted to hear a friendly voice.” Louis shifts, curling up more on himself.

Zayn lets the silence settle around them, probably taking a drag of his cigarette. “I’m sorry, Lou,” he says finally. “We’ll chat on Monday, okay? Pez drove us here and I can’t bail on her.”

Louis sighs shakily. It was inevitable, really, but he’d kinda hoped for better anyway. “Yeah. No, that’s fine. Thanks for picking up, Zayn.”

The call ends and Louis finally just lets sleep overtake him. Maybe if he sleeps long enough, the gross feeling that’s settling deep in the pit of his stomach will go away.

It doesn’t.

Instead, Louis decides to overwhelm the feeling the only way he knows how. In short, if people are going to harass him for being gay, he’s going to be as in their faces about it as possible. It’s juvenile, sure, but Louis is good at making the best out of the holes he’s dug himself.

Step One: go shopping. He heads out on Sunday morning with all the money he’s saved up and buys himself a pile of new clothing. Mesh tops, pink, sequins, and jeans he’s likely going to have to grease himself to get into. The stereotypes are shit and Louis knows it. But he has a point to prove and he’ll just work extra hard at reversing the stereotypes later.

By the time Monday rolls around, Louis at least feels somewhat ready to take on his newest role. Today’s outfit is a dark pair of hip-hugging jeans and a violently pink button-down that clings to his arms and chest. He’d been hoping to slip out the door before his mom or sister could see, but luck is not on his side as he flounces down the stairs right as she’s walking out of the kitchen.

She raises an eyebrow. “Is it fancy dress day at school and I just don’t understand your costume?”

“Er...” Louis fidgets under her gaze. “I’m just trying out a new look, that’s all.”

She frowns a little. “Is everything ok? I know I don’t have lots of free time lately, but you do know you can talk to me, right?”

And this is what Louis had been hoping to avoid. The guilt that comes with lying through your teeth to someone you love. “No, Mum. I’m fine, really.”

She smiles encouragingly. “Off to school with you, then. I’m off-shift tonight, so we can both sit down with the girls for dinner.”

Louis manages to find a genuine smile at that news. It’s been increasingly rare that they all get to sit down for a meal, so at least he’ll have something to look forward to during what promises to be the longest day ever.

It turns out that “longest day ever” isn’t quite sufficient to describe what Louis has to endure. “Operation: Show Everyone How Much I Don’t Care” means that he can’t sneak in through a side entrance. No, this requires a dramatic entrance through the front door.

Through some fluke, he manages to time his entrance just as Jake is walking by. Louis freezes for a second before forcing himself to tilt his chin up and continue on his way, leaving whispers and some giggles in his wake. Jake doesn’t say anything to him, but it’s made clear that he’s spread the rumors around some more very quickly.

By the time he’s made it to his locker, Louis is more than ready to give up and go home forever. Pretending that he’s above it all and proud is actually really difficult when every taunt sent his way is slowly wearing down his resolve. Taped to his locker is a note like the one from English class. He rips it down angrily, crumpling it up in a tight fist. He wants to turn and yell, but knows it won’t actually do anything. Instead, he tries not to visibly shake with repressed tears.

He’s just finished composing himself when Zayn slides up next to him, slinging an arm around Louis’ waist.

“Hi, Zayn,” he says quietly.

“Y’alright?” Zayn asks.

Louis shrugs and lets himself push into Zayn’s arm for just a second, seeking out the little bit of comfort being offered. It’s not long enough and the threat of the impending first bell has Louis edging away to open up his locker

“Yeah, it’s whatever,” Louis says. He switches out some of the books in his bag, pastes a smile on his face, and then turns to face Zayn. “Sorry about calling you the other night.”

“Hey, don’t even worry about it.” A comfortable silence descends, and then, as he’s closing his locker. “Uh, new shirt, Lou?”

Louis takes a breath and then whirls, striking a ridiculous pose. “Like it?”

“It’s very...bright. But I suppose it’s alright if you like it.” Zayn looks like he might say more, but then his phone chimes. The smile on his face when he checks the message confirms that it’s Perrie.

Louis shoos him away, blowing a kiss and dramatically shouting, “MY SHIRT LOVES YOU TOO, ZAYN.” Zayn just flips him off over his head and rounds the corner.

It’s the only bright point in his day, save for lunch with Niall and Harry. People have taken to slipping notes that say “fag” and “slut” into his bag and someone “accidentally” spills water on him in the hall just before last period, so he has to sit and feel soggy through all of history.

By the time the last bell rings, Louis is grumpy and wants nothing more than to go home and maybe never speak to another human again. So, he’s less than pleased when his name is called out in the hall as he’s wandering towards his locker.

“What?” he yells, spinning in place to sent his best glare at whoever it is.

Nick is standing in the door to his classroom, mouth slightly open with what is clearly surprise at Louis’ reaction. “I’ll pretend that didn’t happen if you just come in here for a bit. We need to chat.”

Louis rolls his eyes and stomps angrily past him and into the room, flopping into the nearest chair. “Is this the part where you tell me to stay away from Harry, then?” He knows he shouldn’t be talking to a teacher like this, but right now he can’t make himself care. Any trouble he gets from this pales in comparison to the current shambles of his life.

Nick rolls his eyes, closing the door behind him, filtering out the noise of the hallway. “Only if you insist. But no, that’s not why I called out in here.”

Louis looks down sulkily at his hands. “Well, what then?”

“Despite what you students think, I’m not stupid and I’m not blind. Something’s up and I know you’re mixed up in it.”

Louis glances up quickly, tensing in anticipation of pity, but Nick looks the same as he always does, faintly scornful. He looks away anyway, unsure of what’s on his own face and unwilling to let Nick see it. “I’ve got it under control, thanks.”

Nick snorts quietly. “By the looks of things, you haven’t even got control of your wardrobe, much less whatever is happening here.”

“Excuse me, what’s wrong with my clothes?” Louis bristles angrily, provoked enough to look up and meet Nick’s eyes.

“For starters, I’m sure whatever dye they used on your shirt came from a thousand highlighters.”

“Whatever,” Louis mutters, eyeing up the patterned shirt that Nick is wearing today. “Are you sure your shirt didn’t start as your nan’s curtains?”

Nick rolls his eyes a bit. “Can’t even come up with an original comeback. Something really is wrong with you. I expected better, Louis.”

Louis doesn’t even bother responding, just picks a bit at the edge of a nail and stares at his feet.

Finally, Nick breaks the silence. “Okay, y’know, I don’t want to know. But if you do wanna talk, my door is open. We’re not supposed to have favorites, but you’re marginally less boring than everyone else, so I’ll make you an exception.”

Louis does smile a little at that. “You’re going weak on us, old man. No wonder you’re leaving.”

Nick folds himself into one of the chairs. “You’ve caught me,” he says drily. “Whatever shall I do now that Louis Tomlinson has seen through my master plan.”

“You can have a cry on me if you’d like,” Louis replies.

Nick smirks. “Nah, I’ll save it for young Harold.”

Louis twitches at the mention of Harry. “Speaking of Harry, what’s up with you? You’re not really going to try and date him once you’re not a teacher, are you?”

It’s Nick’s turn to look away and Louis can see a bit of a flush on his cheeks. “He’s legal. You of all people know that.”

“That’s not really what I meant.”

Nick shrugs. “I hardly expect him to wait for me.”

Louis stares at Nick in stunned silence. “You can’t possibly be that stupid. He’s so gone for you, I think he’d wait till he graduated, if that’s what it took.”

“You’re being awfully calm about this given what I heard about you and Harry this weekend,” Nick says, squinting at him. Louis squirms under his gaze. Instinct is telling him to deny it, but that would defeat the whole purpose of this stupid plan.

“Last I heard, that sort of thing is exactly what you want Harry to be doing, so why’s it matter to you,” he says.

“I...” Nick pauses. “Okay, no. This conversation definitely needs to be over. Get out.”

Louis stands, smirk on his face. “I mean, if you’re sure you don’t wanna know the details—”

Nick just flaps a hand at him. “No, leave me. You’ve done enough.” Louis wanders out into the hall, feeling in slightly better spirits after the chat and relieved that there is no one else in the halls by now. Before he can get too far though, Nick is calling his name from inside the room again.

He sticks his head in the door. “You called?”

Nick is still curled into the student desk. “I meant what I said. About my door being open. They’re twats anyway, all high school students are.”

Louis salutes briefly and then leaves. He has a family dinner to prepare for.

I wish I could say that it started to get better, but mostly I was just ignoring the
problem. Life goes on, it is what it is, whatever. Life waits for no man and I had a
carnival to try and run. You know which one.

Part Four
In which everything gets worse, but I’ll always have ring toss.

By the end of the week, Louis feels like maybe he’s settling into his new role as school outcast. He can at least find a bit of a silver lining in Harry’s new-found friendship. Since that day in detention, they’ve clicked together faster than Louis would have ever predicted. It’s good since their table has been conspicuously absent of Zayn lately, which is mostly at Louis’ continued insistence that he doesn’t mind if Zayn sits with Perrie now. They’re just so smitten and Louis just wants someone to be having a good week.

The main problem, the one he still doesn’t want to admit to himself, is that maybe he’s starting to believe the things people keep calling him in the notes they keep slipping into his locker and his bag. It’s a depressing thought.

Fortunately, he’s busy enough with extracurriculars that he can’t dwell on it much. The drama club, his main pride and joy, is doing a massive fundraiser with a bunch of the sports teams and it’s only a week away. As the president of drama club, and therefore the chosen representative, it means a lot of long meetings with Eleanor, the sports representative and current captain of the cheer squad.

Louis has been good at keeping it all business during the week—it turns out it takes a lot of planning to run a small carnival—but by Friday, his reserves are pretty depleted. It’s the only explanation for his conversation with Eleanor.

“So, I think we’re in pretty good shape,” El says as they’re sprawled on the stage in the main auditorium. “I think we have people signed up for all the games. We just need a few more to help with setting up and breaking it all down.”

Louis nods, looking at the clipboard with their checklist. “Zayn gave me the final version of the posters, so I can get those printed this weekend. Maybe we can all meet on Monday to hang them up?”

She hums in agreement. “I think we’re done for today, then.”

“Thank goodness,” says Louis, letting himself set the clipboard aside and starfishing on the floor. It’s late enough in the day that the school is nearly empty and the auditorium is silent. He’s just starting to consider heading home when El breaks the silence.

“Hey, Lou?” She sounds thoughtful.

“Hmm?” Louis shifts on the ground to tilt his head to look at her. She’s frowning faintly at the ceiling, clearly thinking something over.

“Oh, he’s gonna kill me,” she mutters before shifting to meet his eyes. “Just...we wanted you to know that we’re on your side.”

“Who’s ‘we’?” Louis asks suspiciously.

El looks away. “I promised I wouldn’t.” Louis waits to see if she’s going to continue, but all she does is bite at her lip uncertainly.

“C’mon, El. Tell me.” He pokes at her side, making her squeak and try to roll away. When she still refuses to give up any info, he dives right into the offensive, rolling up on his knees to dig his fingers into her sides. She shrieks with laughter, batting at his face with her hands.

“Aaaahhhhh, Louis!!!!”

“Tell me and I’ll stop,” Louis says through his own laughter.

“Fine, fine,” El wheezes out between laughs. Louis takes pity on her and stop, flopping down on the floor next to her again, both of them breathing heavily.

It takes a few minutes for her to catch her breath, and then, “You have to promise not to tell him I told you.”

“El, really?”

She fixes him with a stern look. “Promise me.”

He holds up his hands. “Okay, okay. I promise. Now spill.”

“Liam is worried about you,” she says bluntly. “He said you looked upset at the party last weekend, but that you wouldn’t talk to him. And he doesn’t know how to approach you now.”

Louis breathes in once, twice, and tries not to look outwardly panicked. He hasn’t spoken to Liam in years and definitely never expected him to even remember their party encounter.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” she replies. “Anyway, it’s not just him. All of us feel the same way. He’s just the only one who said something about it.”

“Typical,” mutters Louis. They may not have talked in years, but he remembers the younger version of Liam who always had to make sure everyone around him was okay.

“Anyway, that was all. I have to get home now, but I’ll see you on Monday with the posters.”

Louis spends more of the weekend than he cares to admit thinking about their conversation. It’s a nice reminder that some people realize the things Jake and his friends are saying aren’t true, but as the next week progresses, it becomes harder to hold onto that happy thought.

The Saturday of the carnival is clear and sunny, much to Louis’ relief. It takes them four grueling hours to set everything up, but with the tag team of Louis and Eleanor directing their helpers, it gets done with plenty of time before they are set to open.

Louis isn’t signed up to run any of the games since he’s supposed to be making sure things run smoothly, but it’s becoming rapidly apparent that this means he’s mostly going to be very bored. Eventually, this morphs into being bored enough to lose all common sense and wandering over towards the ring toss. Liam is in charge of the ring toss.

Luckily, no one else is waiting to play so Louis is free to drape himself across the counter and be distracting. At least it'll be nice to have the attention of someone who possibly actually cares about him, because for all that he normally relishes the attention of people, it's been a special kind of torture to be under this much negative scrutiny.

Liam looks surprised to see him. “Hi, Louis. Everything okay?”

“Of course,” says Louis loudly. “I thought I’d just come pay you a visit, maybe toss some rings, win some cool prizes. Y’know, since this is a carnival and all.” Somewhere in the back of his head, Louis wondering what on earth is wrong with him. His brain-to-mouth filter isn’t normally this broken.

“Oh,” says Liam uncertainly. “I mean, you basically run everything here, so you can just play if you want.”

“Well, at least someone recognizes that I have some authority around here,” Louis mutters, glaring over his shoulder at where Eleanor and Danielle are helming the bake sale. “I mean, who would you rather have in charge, Liam? Me or them?” He cocks out one hip and leans farther on the counter, letting the poor excuse of innuendo hang in the air between them.

Liam flushes instantly. It’s so endearing, Louis just wants to squish him. “I...um—”

“No, stop,” Louis says. “You don’t have answer that. Just take my money and give me some rings. My sisters will be sad if I don’t bring them back a toy or something.” He reaches back to grab his wallet, but as he brings it in front of him to pull out some bills, a hand reaches out to grip his wrist. Louis freezes in place, unsure how to react. Liam’s hand is warm and so large that his fingers are overlapping on his wrist. Louis can feel the flush on his face now.

“Seriously, Lou. I can’t make you pay for this.” The nickname rolls smoothly off Liam’s tongue. Louis wants to know how many other ways he can make Liam say it.

“Fine,” he says. “Then at least let me buy you some cupcakes or something from the bake sale later.”

Liam agrees and hands Louis a bucket of metal rings. He spend an entertaining few minutes hurling them at the rack of bottles and trying to come up with increasingly creative ways to curse without actually cursing. By the time he hits the bottom of the bucket, they’re both giggling and Liam’s even thrown in a few fake swearing suggestions. Louis likes the way that Liam’s eyes go all scrunchy when he’s really laughing. He remembers it from when they were actually sort-of-friends and it’s nice to know that some things don’t change.

“So what’s the damage?” he asks.

Liam turns to survey the racks. “Well, you only got one on, but it’s on the red one, so I think that means you win?”

“You think?” Louis raises an eyebrow at how Liam clearly doesn’t know the rules to his own game.

“Well...” Liam says hesitantly. “Maybe I just tell everyone that they’ve won. I just don’t want some little kid to feel bad!”

“You would be a terrible carnie,” observes Louis, giggling. “Ok, what do I win then?”

Liam rummages around under the table and comes out with two small stuffed frogs. “Ta-da!”

Louis frowns. “I thought I only won one.”

“I thought you were winning them for you sisters?” Louis nods, so Liam continues. “I’m not the best at math...or biology, but last time I checked, twins meant that there are two of them?”

Louis nods. “Yeah. Thanks.”

The little frogs are dropped into his hands by a grinning Liam. Louis smiles quickly in return. He can’t stay here. If he stays here, with Liam looking at him like that, then he’ll probably cry. For all that he’s been crushing on Liam for literal years, he’s not sure he deserves the niceness that Liam seems determined to give him

He clears his throat. “Okay, well...I should probably go check in with someone else,” he announces.

Liam just nods encouragingly and then turns his attention to a little boy who has started hovering by them. Louis nods one more time and then forces himself to turn and leave. He tries not to look back, but then he hears Liam yell, “I like chocolate cupcakes best!” so he turns to salute him with one of the frogs.

Somehow, he finds himself in front of the bake sale where Eleanor and Danielle are blatantly staring at him. Eleanor looks amused.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” he says.

El just wiggles her eyebrows. “I saw that little display, Tomlinson.”

“You saw nothing. And one of you needs to go deliver a chocolate cupcake over there. I have things to do.”

He stalks off as Eleanor yells after him, “You can’t fool me, Louis!”

He doesn’t end up going to check on anything. Instead, he goes to sit in his usual alcove behind the school, curling in on himself and perching the little frogs on his knees.

“What am I doing?” he whispers. “Oh god, I’m talking to a stuffed frog. Get it together, Tommo.” He pulls out his phone, finger hovering over his contact list, but he’s not even sure how he would explain what he’s feeling right now. Instead, he pockets the phone, tucks the toys into the pockets of his hoodie and goes back to his supervising. He doesn’t go visit Liam at the ring toss again.

The good news on Monday is that they raised more than enough funds for both the drama club and the sports teams. The bad news is that Louis’ other situation is worse than ever.

It starts with a note taped to his locker, just like every other day the previous week. But this one has a new word: WHORE. It’s new enough to give him pause, but then Louis just crumples it up like all the others. But later, he’s hiding in a bathroom stall when two people walk in, mid-conversation.

“Yeah, I heard he was giving $10 blowjobs behind the school this weekend.”

“No way,” the other person replies. “Max told me that he let someone fuck him in a room at that motel on the highway? Only cost $20 and an Amazon gift card.”

“Figures. He looks the type.”

Louis curls in on himself, trying not to breathe or make any other noise as the conversation trails off and they leave the bathroom. As soon as the door shuts, blocking the noise of the busy hallway, he left himself exhale shakily, ending on a whimper. He tries to keep his breaths steady, ignoring the prickling at the corners of his eyes, but it only takes about 10 seconds before his tears are dotting the fabric of his jeans. The stall feels too small for him and all he wants is air, but leaving means passing everyone else out there.

He pulls his phone out with clumsy fingers, pulling up a text conversation with Harry out of pure muscle memory, the screen looks blurry.

2nd flr lav pls

He hits send and lets his phone drop to the floor. Harry will find him eventually. Maybe. It hardly matters. Maybe he’ll stay in this stall forever, like Moaning Myrtle. Except then he’d be stuck forever in this godforsaken school. Louis the slutty ghost.

He’s saved from his own train of thought by the sound of the door bursting open and someone quickly locking it.

“Lou?” Harry sounds anxious.

“Here.” More than anything, Louis is just tired. The door to the stall is pushed open slowly and Harry is frowning down at him.

“What’s going on, Lou?” Harry folds down onto the floor next to Louis. He’s all angles, crunched down like this. Like...an origami swan, except less graceful. Louis giggles to himself. Harry nudges him, eyes wide. “Talk to me.”

Louis slumps sideways against Harry. “Everything sucks.” Harry brings up a hand to scratch at his scalp and Louis lets himself relax into it for a second. “Sorry I made you come find me. It’s fine, I’ll be fine.”

Harry tenses next to him, pulling away and forcing Louis to look at him. “No. Louis, you’re not fine. Come on, we’re getting some air.” He stands, pulling Louis up with him.

“I...but class—” Louis is cut off by Harry grabbing his hand and all but dragging him out of the bathroom.

“Fuck class,” Harry growls. “We are going to end this now.” Louis doesn’t respond, just mulls over the words until they’re standing out behind the school. As soon as Harry drops his hand, he shrinks back against the wall. Harry crosses his arms and frowns. Louis has seen more intimidating kittens. Wet kittens.

And just like, with his friend staring at him and demanding answers, his mood flips right to the anger he wishes he’d had all along. “What’s it matter to you anyway?” he demands. “You got what you wanted, right? And now you can just fuck off and leave me to deal with the consequences.”

Harry’s eyes widen and he takes a step back. “No...I—”

“No.” Louis takes a quick step forward, getting up in Harry’s space. “Don’t try and tell me it’s not exactly what I see!” He’s yelling, and it feels good to let some of the pent up tension out. He’s been so on edge trying to keep up the act. Without even thinking, he raises clenched fists up at Harry’s face.

Harry instinctively grabs at Louis’ hands with his own, engulfing his fists and Louis yelps, trying to pull away again. Harry’s yelling at him when Nick finds them, carton of cigarettes in hand, clearly just looking for a bit of a smoke break.

“Hey!” Nick yells. “Break it up over there.” He rushes over and manages to shoulder his way between them. Louis flails at him, getting a few good hits in, before finally calming down and slumping against the wall again. He watches Nick lean down to whisper something in Harry’s ear, running a smoothing hand down his arm at the same time. Harry melts into it with the beginnings of a smile and then, with a final worried glance at Louis, picks up his bag and goes inside.

Nick slouches on the wall next to him, lighting up a cig and taking a long drag. “This can’t keep happening, Louis. Harry’s worried about you.”

Louis shrugs listlessly. “Why do you care?”

“That’s a stupid question. You’re better than that.” Nick isn’t even looking at him, just staring off into the distance. Louis studies his profile. He can see why Harry’s interested. He’s not classically attractive, but in his short friendship with Harry, Louis knows that he would never settle for looks alone.

“Surprised you haven’t already heard about how I’m whoring myself out to anyone who asks. Hell, I’d even do you for a cig.”

Nick sputters at that, standing up straight from the wall to look around wildly and hiss, “Louis you know you can’t just say that. If anyone thought for even a second that we were...” he trails off. “Wait, what do you mean by even?”

His indignant look is enough to bring a small smile to Louis’ face. “Don’t even worry about it, old man. I know you’re Harry’s anyway.”

Nick narrows his eyes. “You’re a strange one. But whatever those little fucks in there are saying about you, you’re better than all of them, Louis.”

“Yeah,” Louis sighs.

“Let’s go in,” Nick suggests. “It’s nearly lunch anyway. That’s the best part of the day ‘round these parts.”

The bell rings just as they’re walking in from the back hallway. Which means they’re just in time for a large percentage of the school, including Jake, to see them. Jake looks them both up and down and smirks.

By the end of lunch, there is a new rumor that Louis and Nick have been hooking up. As an added bonus, it’s being passed around that one of them gave the other some unspecified STD. A sulky Harry accompanies Louis home that afternoon since Nick’s been called into the admin offices and they don’t know when he’ll be done.

Later that night, Louis is sitting in his room alone when he gets a phone call from a tearful and nearly hyperventilating Harry.

“Breathe, Haz. Come on, breathe for me,” he whispers down the line. “What’s going on?”

“Nick’s leaving,” Harry sobs down the line. “They were questioning him and he just quit right there. I don’t know what to do.”

Louis sits in stunned silence. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.

“Lou?” Harry sniffles.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m here,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

They sit in silence for another few moments before Harry says, “I might not be in school for a while. I kinda scared my mom tonight so I think she’s gonna make me stay home.”

“It’ll work out,” Louis replies.

Harry hums noncommittally and hangs up. Louis doesn’t sleep easy that night.

The next day passes in a haze. Louis just ignores the stares and whispers that follow him down the halls. He hides in the library during lunch and the only person he talks to is Zayn, to make sure they can meet after school for an overdue talk.

They meet up out by Zayn’s graffiti wall that afternoon. Zayn has a fresh can, so Louis sits out of the way for a while, eyes half-closed and listening to the gentle hiss of the spray paint. Zayn looks different like this, away from the walls of the school and surrounded by his art. The wall is covered in swathes of bright color, abstract faces and vague cartoon impressions scattered throughout.

Finally he sets the can down, red paint dripping like blood from where he’s just added a new layer. Louis tracks a single droplet as it slides nearly to the ground, helpless to the pull of gravity. Possibly in another life, he was that drop.

Zayn drops heavily to the ground next to him. “What’s up with you lately, Lou?”

Louis slumps to the side, leaning on Zayn’s shoulder. He smells like leather and paint. “I don’t think I’m a good person, Zayn.”

Zayn sighs, shifting to curl his arm around Louis’ shoulders and pulling him closer. “You’re not. I don’t really know the details because you won’t tell me, but you’re the best person I know.”

“I think,” Louis says. “I think I might hate myself.”

There is silence then before Zayn says, “No. No, I think you hate this person you think you had to become.” He shifts to look Louis right in the eyes. “You don’t have to be that person.”

Louis looks down. “It’s not true, you know that, right? All of it was a lie, right from the beginning.” He curls up against Zayn’s chest. “I’m sorry, we should’ve had this talk ages ago.”

A hand strokes his hair as he takes shaky breaths. “I understand why you didn’t tell me. I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.” There’s a pause and then, “But Louis. Even if it wasn’t a lie and you were sleeping around, you know I wouldn’t care, right? Don’t shut me out like this again.”

They don’t say anything else. They just sit outside, listening to the whoosh of cars on the other side of the embankment. Louis extracts himself from Zayn’s embrace as dusk starts to creep in on them and he shuffles awkwardly under Zayn’s gaze.

“I need to get home. Mum’s on the late shift again, so I need to take over with the girls.”

Zayn just nods. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lou.”

Things seem to be looking up over the next few days. Louis stops trying to put on an act and tries to focus on blending into the background, like he did before. There are still nasty notes, but he at least there haven’t been any new rumors. Harry is out the whole week and doesn’t answer any of their texts.

On Friday, when Louis goes to lock up his bike, there is someone waiting for him by the usual spot. He approaches warily, but the other person doesn’t do anything until he’s pulled up right alongside them. Louis vaguely recognizes him from a class.

“Can I just get to the rack?” Louis asks impatiently. The other boy moves aside, but doesn’t go far. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, I think you can,” he says.

“Okay,” Louis says slowly. “I don’t even really know who you are?”

The other buy starts. “Oh, yeah I’m Justin. Um...well, this is awkward, but, like, I have this Olive Garden gift card and I wanted to know, um.” Louis gestures impatiently. “Will you go to dinner with me?”

It comes out in a rush so it takes Louis a while to figure it out. Once he does, he perks up. “A date? Wow, um, yeah, sure.”

“Cool. I guess I’ll pick you up at 7 then.”

They exchange information and Louis practically skips to his locker where Niall is waiting. “What’s got you so happy?” he asks.

“Niall, I have the best news,” Louis says, flinging himself at Niall and stealing his snapback. “I have a date. Like, a real one.”

Niall breaks out into a wide grin and steals back his hat, only to plop it right on Louis’ head. “Oh yeah? WIth who?”

Louis waves his hand. “It doesn’t even matter. He seemed boring and I probably won’t keep dating him. The point is that I’m marketable again.”

“Good lad,” Niall says. “I’ll want to know everything tomorrow.”

At seven p.m., Louis does a final twirl in front of his mirror, steps around the pile of clothing he’s pulled out in the process of getting ready, and heads towards the front door to wait. He’s dressed in his newest and most flattering pair of black jeans and a soft, slightly-oversized heather grey jumper, his hair is carefully molded into a quiff. He feels like he’s unstoppable.

Justin pulls up in a sleek sports car, dressed in a deep blue button-down and he holds the door for Louis with a smile. Everything goes smoothly until they run out of small talk before they even get to the restaurant. The last ten minutes of the drive, Louis stares out the window, trying to ignore the heavy silence that has fallen over them. He just hopes that his brain-to-mouth filter will stay in place.

It turns out to be a futile hope.

The silence persists as they are seated in a plush corner booth. The lights are dim and it would be romantic, if not for how awkward Louis is feeling. They manage to make more small talk about school until the waitress comes back with a basket of bread sticks and their drinks. Louis promptly uses the opportunity to stuff his mouth to avoid talking.

Justin watches him, wide-eyed, as he eats his way through the basket. “I see someone was hungry.”

“Maybe,” says Louis. “This is my last one, though. I swear these things just expand in your stomach. It’s like pigeons.”

“Pigeons?” Justin looks confused. It’s really not a good look on him.

“Yeah. Like how you can’t throw rice at weddings anymore because then the birds eat them and it all expanding in their stomach. And if they eat too much, poof, exploding birds. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told. I’ve never actually seen a bird explode.”

Justin is started to look a little concerned now and somewhere in the back of his head, Louis is cursing the fact that he doesn’t appear to be able to shut up.

“Speaking of explosions, actually. Have you ever done that thing with the mints and soda? I watched this YouTube video once and it looks totally sick. I was thinking of trying it this weekend with my sisters. Y’know, since the birds are out.”

“No, I can’t say I’ve ever seen that,” Justin says shortly.

Louis doesn’t really know how to respond to that, so he just lets everything lapse into silence again. It’s fine anyway, he can see the waitress coming over to take their orders anyway and that’s just one more step towards getting this whole experience over with.

But before she can get all the way to their table, she’s waylaid by the hostess and after a whispered exchange, comes over to their table with a, “I’ll be back in a tick, boys. There’s a birthday.”

“Oh, I love birthdays that aren’t mine!” says Louis, twisting in his seat to see who the lucky recipient of an embarrassing birthday song is. On the other side of the room, there is a young girl with a pink party hat and a huge smile. Louis smiles in her direction, reminded of his sisters and making a mental note to suggest something like this for the twins to his mother.

Then, the kitchen door swings open and out comes their server, followed by...Liam? He’s wearing a ridiculous hat and looks so unbearably excited to be singing happy birthday to some random child. Louis didn’t even know that he worked here. Liam’s clapping along with the song and suddenly Louis just needs to not be here. Needs to not be sitting and watching Liam be so earnest and good and everything that Louis wishes he were good enough to have.

He tosses his napkin on the table and starts to push out of the booth. “I...y’know what, I don’t feel great. I think you need to take me home. This has been great, but I can’t be here.”

Louis doesn’t even let Justin respond, just stands and starts to walk quickly back towards the exit. “Louis, wait!” he calls out. The yell clearly catches Liam’s attention, making him look up and make brief eye contact with Louis as he flees. That, more than anything, makes the hot prickles at the corners of his eyes threaten to turn into spilled tears.

A few minutes later, Louis is slumped against Justin’s car, waiting for him to come unlock the doors so he can go home and then maybe never leave his bedroom again. Finally, a weight settles next to him.

“Sorry,” Louis says. “I’ll be fine in a minute, I guess I’m just not that hungry.”

When he looks up, Justin is looking at him intently and as their eyes meet, a bit of a smirk appears on his face. “Guess this means we can get to part two faster, then.”

“Part two?” Louis is confused and a bit concerned by this sudden change. Justin looks almost predatory now, and Louis is just now realizing how much larger he is.

“Yeah,” he says, shifting so that he’s caging Louis against the side of the car. “What’ll $100 get me then?”

“What?!” Louis gasps, trying to press back against the car to get away from him. “What’re you talking about?”

“I’ve heard the rumors, Tomlinson. What, you think I actually wanted to date you?” He just keeps getting closer to Louis’ face, even as he’s desperately trying to turn away. “So, what do I get for $100.”

“Get off of me,” Louis yells. “Get the fuck away from me.” He struggles, reaching up to hit at Justin’s chest, but he just grabs his wrists in one firm hand and uses his other to grab at Louis’ chin.

Louis is yelling wordlessly now, wondering why no one is coming to see what’s wrong and trying to kick at Justin’s shins, heart practically beating out of his chest. And then, just as Louis about try and bite him, strong arms are reaching from behind and yanking Justin off him. He goes boneless with relief against the car, shaking and trying not to cry in relief.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Demands an angry voice. Louis knows that voice. He looks up just in time to see Liam punch Justin right in the nose. Justin crumples to the ground, holding his own face and Liam steps right over him to approach Louis.

“Lou,” he says carefully. “Louis, are you okay, did he do anything?”

Louis lets out a shaky breath and shakes his head. “He tried, but—”

“C’mon, let me drive you home.” Liam extends a hand and Louis grips it tightly, letting himself get led to Liam’s car, where Liam buckles him in without a word. He’s still shaking, the breadsticks sitting heavy in his stomach, and he realizes with a start that he’s been crying. Liam just passes over a box of tissues without a word and starts the car.

Louis doesn’t say anything until they’re sitting in the parked car outside his dark house.

“Thanks,” he whispers into the silence.

Liam doesn’t answer, just reaches over to stroke the top of his hand until Louis relaxes enough to turn it over and entwine their fingers.

“Why’re you being so nice to me?” Louis feels a bit like he’s going to fly apart at the seams. He huffs out a bitter laugh. “I don’t...I’m not the sort of person you should be nice to, haven’t you heard?”

Liam’s hand squeezes him briefly. “That’s more of a lie than all the rumors I’ve been hearing about you.”

“How do you even know it’s not all true? How, Liam?” Louis shifts to watch Liam’s profile. His face is mostly hidden in the shadows of the car and poor street lighting. He’s not even looking at Louis, just staring forward into the distance with a slight smile on his face.

“Because once upon a time, I was eleven years old and playing seven minutes in heaven at a birthday party, and you lied for me.” He shifts to meet Louis’ gaze. “Do you remember?”

As if Louis could ever forget.

It’s dark in the basement where they’re all piled together in sleeping bags, but no one is asleep. Louis is especially excited because this is the first sleepover he’s been allowed at that has both boys and girls. Niall has already been to five boy-girl sleepovers and he always comes back with funny stories about what happens at them.

“Let’s play seven minutes, you guys,” someone yells from under a pile of pillows. There’s a cheer and they all scramble to form a circle in the middle of the room. Liam ends up getting pushed into the middle.

“Okay, close your eyes and spin,” demands the birthday girl. “Whoever you’re pointing at when you stop is your partner in heaven.”

Louis’ never played this game before and is nervous about being in this circle, but he still cheers eagerly with everyone else as Liam spins. Except then Liam comes to an unsteady stop with one finger pointed right at him. A wave of giggles passes through the room. “But they’re both boys,” someone else in the circle says.

“Well, those are the rules,” says someone else. Before he can react, they’re being pushed into a spare room with the door slammed shut behind them.

“Um...” Louis doesn’t really know what to say, his emotions a mix of nerves and elation. The circumstances are less than ideal and he doesn’t even know if Liam likes boys that way. But on the other hand, he’s wanted to kiss Liam for well over a year now.

Liam looks away. “Can we...can we just say we did it?” Louis’ heart sinks. Of course Liam doesn’t want to kiss him at all. This is the worst night ever. “It’s just, I haven’t with anyone yet. I don’t think I’m ready?”

He still isn’t meeting Louis’ eyes, fidgeting in place and looking so unbearably nervous and earnest. Louis sighs. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. No one needs to know.”

Liam finally looks up at him with a smile. “Wait, really?”

Seven minutes and a long hug later, they leave the room and tell everyone that it was the best snog ever.

“I didn’t think you remembered,” Louis whispers into the darkness of the car.

Liam smiles. “How could I not? I like that Louis, y’know. The one who would do anything for someone who’s barely even a friend. I like him a lot.”

Louis looks down to study their linked hands. “Well, that Louis is feeling pretty dumb and awful right now.”

There’s a beat, and then, “I know this isn’t really ideal, but...I think I’d like a do-over of our seven minutes. And then, maybe, I mean...can I just kiss you?”

Louis exhales slowly, looking up to lock eyes with Liam again. “No, I don’t think so.”

There’s a brief flash of hurt in Liam’s eyes and then he drops Louis’ hand and shifts to look out the windshield. “Yeah, should’ve seen that one coming. Okay, well—”

“No, I mean,” Louis interrupts. “Just not now? Not when it’s all so messed up. You deserve so much more than that. So do I.”

Liam looks up hopefully. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “I’m gonna set things straight somehow. I have a plan.”

“Not a Harry plan, I hope,” Liam mutters.

Louis giggles, feeling lighter already. “No, not quite.” And then he’s throwing open the car door and dashing inside, yelling back, “See you on Monday, Liam!”

Friends, this is the final act for me. The grand finale. Or maybe it’s a beginning. In
the immortal words of the band Semisonic, ‘every new beginning comes from some
other beginning’s end.’

Part Five
In which nothing is worth doing without a bit of drama.

The first step of the plan is thwarted almost immediately when Louis calls Harry on Saturday. He doesn’t pick up the first four times.

The fifth time, it’s finally picked up and Louis just starts talking. “Harry! Listen I need a favor so you have to come to school on Monday.”

“Harry’s a bit...tied up at the moment,” Nick says.

Louis blinks, pulling his phone away from his ear to make sure that, yes, this is Harry’s number he called. “Very funny, Nick, put Harry on the line. I need to talk to him.”

There’s a lot of rustling on the other end of the line and what sounds like some whispering. “He’ll call you back, Louis,” Nick says. He sounds a bit out of breath now.

“What’s going on over there?” Louis asks suspiciously.

“I can assure you that you in no way want to know,” Nick says. “But I can tell you right now that Harry won’t be in school on Monday on account of the fact that we’ve run away to Spain.”

Louis chokes on air. “Are you serious right now?”

“Dead serious.” There’s another rustling noise and something that sounds suspiciously like a muffled groan. And suddenly it makes sense.

“Are you kidding me right now?” he yells into the phone. He hangs up to the sound of Nick laughing at him.

Whatever, he doesn’t really need Harry for this to work. He just would have been helpful. He picks up the phone and calls Niall.

By Monday morning, everything’s set up and it’s a long, excruciating day of waiting for the right time. Just before the end of the last class, Louis and Niall sneak out of their respective classes to meet around the corner from the front office.

“You’re sure you can do this?” Louis asks nervously.

Niall nods. “Piece o’ cake, really. Just remember, the code for the system is 1728. You should have about a minute.”

“Okay, then let’s do this.” Niall nods again, straightens, and then waltzes into the office with a cry of “Tulisa, you look lovely this afternoon.”

Louis watches through the door as Niall leans over her desk with a wide smile. At the very least, it doesn’t look like she’s trying to make him go back to class, just responding to whatever ridiculous story he’s telling with laughter of her own. That’s the nice thing about Niall. Everyone likes him because he puts them at ease, and he’s certainly working that right now.

Finally, Niall’s story means that she turns away from the door to look at something across the office and Louis seizes the chance to slip in, crawl past her desk, and get into the room that houses the school-wide PA system. Luckily Niall’s years of helping out with daily announcement means that he’s able to give Louis a quick cheat sheet.

Louis settles into the chair, puts on the giant headset, and flicks the system on.

“Er, hello?” his voice echoes in the headset and he can hear himself speaking in the office through the door.

“Yes, hi. Can I have your attention please? So um, this is Louis. I think that most of you know me as that gay kid who sleeps with people for money, but like. Yeah, I do actually have a name. I just wanted to let you all know that I’m going to come clean. I’m gonna tell you all the dirty little details that I know you’ve been dying to know. So, get your pens out and write this address down. Therogue17 dot tumblr dot com. That’s R-O-G-U-E for those of you who are undoubtedly struggling. So, yeah. I’ll be posting everything starting at four this afternoon, so see you there.”

And then Niall is pounding on the door and yelling that they have to go, now.

So that’s it. That’s the whole story. I wish I could say there was a moral beyond the
fact that some people are dicks, but...that’s all there is to say about it. Jake, I
just want you to know that you’re a terrible human being and I can’t wait for the
day I walk into a McDonald’s and you’re the one asking me if I want fries with that.
But until then, please live in the knowledge that you didn’t win.

But one good thing did come out of this. I think most of you know Liam Payne? Track team star, looks like a puppy? Well, if I’m not mistaken, that’s him outside my window right now, waiting to pick me up for our first date. I think it’ll go well. I hope it does.

See you later, losers.

Louis hits post and closes his laptop. It’s five p.m. on the dot and he’s been ready for this date since he got home. He runs to look out the window where Liam is standing, dressed in a pale blue button-down and holding a bundle of flowers in front of him.

“Ready to go?” he calls out.

Louis grins. “I’ll be down in a second.” He runs down the stairs, yelling out a goodbye to his family, feeling lighter than he has in weeks.

He bursts out the door and down the front steps, practically knocking Liam over with his momentum. Liam curls his arms around him, the flowers are tickling the back of Louis’ neck, but he doesn’t care.

After a moment, he pulls back to look directly at Liam. “I think I’m ready for that do-over,” he says quietly into the space between them.

It takes Liam a moment and then his entire face lights up with happiness and that scrunchy smile Louis has loved since they were seven years old. “Good,” he says.

Liam leans down to connect their mouths and Louis sighs into it, pushing up onto his toes to bring their chests closer together. Liam instinctively adjusts his grip to support both their weights. It stays relatively chaste until Louis swipes his tongue across Liam’s lips, chasing the taste of the soda he was clearly drinking in the car. Liam gasps and Louis takes the gasp as invitation to bite at his plush bottom lip. It makes Liam tighten his grip around Louis’ shoulders and he files that away for later exploration.

Liam growls and pulls away, breathing heavily. Louis licks his lips again, watching the way Liam’s eyes darken and follow the movement.

“Worth the wait?” Louis asks.

“I dunno,” Liam replies thoughtfullly. “I might have to try again.”

Louis just smiles and takes the flowers from Liam. “You can have all the time in the world.”