Work Text:
Seonghwa has a habit of sleepwalking.
Not the cute, harmless kind where someone sits up in bed, mumbles a few words, and falls back asleep.
No. Seonghwa actually gets up.
He walks around the dorm with his eyes wide open, completely unaware of where he is or what he’s doing. Sometimes he wanders into the kitchen. Sometimes he stands in the hallway for no reason. And sometimes, he talks.
A lot.
Anyone who knows Seonghwa well enough eventually learns to recognize the signs. The moment he starts mumbling nonsense in the middle of the night, they know he's sleepwalking and don't pay much attention to it. Whatever he says or whatever strange things he does are simply his dreams bleeding into reality.
Over the years, Seonghwa has seen countless doctors, and every single one seemed to have a different explanation for his condition. He's tried medications, treatments, alternative medicine, pretty much everything remotely associated with sleepwalking.
Nothing ever really worked.
Eventually, he stopped trying to fix it. His sleepwalking didn't affect him during the day, so he'd learned to live with it.
The only thing that had ever genuinely worried him was moving away from home for college.
At eighteen, Seonghwa was terrified that a roommate would wake up in the middle of the night to find him wandering around the dorm and think he'd completely lost his mind.
Then he met Hongjoong.
And, honestly, Seonghwa almost developed an entirely different health problem because his new roommate was probably the most breathtakingly gorgeous person he'd ever seen.
Naturally, Seonghwa made it his personal mission to avoid sleepwalking anywhere near Hongjoong.
For the first few weeks, it worked perfectly.
Hongjoong was rarely in their dorm at night, which gave Seonghwa plenty of time to sleep and, eventually, get up and wander around without anyone witnessing his bizarre nighttime adventures.
Still, curiosity eventually got the better of him.
Seonghwa couldn't help wondering where Hongjoong disappeared to every night. At first, he assumed Hongjoong was out partying or going to clubs like most college students.
He couldn't have been more wrong.
One night, around three in the morning, Hongjoong practically stumbled into their dorm with tears streaming down his face.
Seonghwa had been awake, frantically cramming for a midterm, and immediately abandoned his studying to find out what had happened.
That was when he discovered the truth.
Hongjoong had been spending nearly every night in the music studios.
He was exhausted.
Burnt out.
Running himself into the ground because he was so determined to make something of himself.
That night changed everything between them.
Their friendship grew stronger after that day and Hongjoong finally came to the dorms at night and had a somewhat better sleep schedule.
The problem for Seonghwa though?
His sleep schedule got fucked instead.
Seonghwa stayed with him, listened to him, and slowly became the person Hongjoong trusted whenever things got overwhelming.
Their friendship only grew stronger after that.
Eventually, Hongjoong started coming back to the dorm at night and developed a somewhat healthier sleep schedule. Unfortunately for Seonghwa, his own sleep schedule was completely ruined in the process.
As much as he loved having Hongjoong around more often, there was one major problem. He couldn't let Hongjoong find out about his sleepwalking. Seonghwa couldn't stand the thought of waking up one morning to discover that he'd terrified or embarrassed himself in front of the one person he was already hopelessly falling for.
Unfortunately, exhaustion eventually caught up with him.
One evening, Seonghwa was so tired that he passed out on their bed without even noticing that Hongjoong was already lying there with his laptop balanced on his thighs. And, naturally, that's the exact night his sleepwalking decided to make an appearance.
Seonghwa sat up and started talking.
At first, Hongjoong assumed he was awake.
Seonghwa was talking about his classes, his professors, assignments, and everything in between. Complete nonsense that somehow sounded completely coherent in the moment.
Hongjoong answered him a few times before slowly realizing something was wrong.
Seonghwa wasn't actually awake.
His eyes were open, but he wasn't seeing anything.
He was sleepwalking.
Instead of being frightened or weirded out, Hongjoong found the whole thing strangely endearing. He eventually coaxed Seonghwa back into bed and went back to his own work.
Seonghwa found out, quite embarrassingly, the next morning. If anything, knowing that Hongjoong hadn't been scared of him made his feelings even worse.
He fell even harder.
The rest of college passed with the two of them becoming inseparable. And after graduation, nothing really changed. They continued living together, eventually settling into a small apartment while pursuing the careers they'd always wanted, or at least something close enough.
By their mid-twenties, Seonghwa couldn't imagine his life without Hongjoong anymore.
Which was precisely why he'd never confessed.
The truth was simple.
Seonghwa was terrified of losing him.
He had convinced himself that Hongjoong could never feel the same way.
After all, Hongjoong took his career and his dreams incredibly seriously. He'd always insisted that he couldn't afford distractions, and relationships were one of them (Hongjoong's words, not Seonghwa’s.)
So who was Seonghwa to challenge that?
He would never force Hongjoong into something he clearly didn't want.
He would never make Hongjoong choose between his dreams and their relationship.
So Seonghwa stayed exactly where he was.
Hongjoong's best friend.
Nothing more.
He kept his love buried somewhere deep inside his chest and told himself that being allowed to have Hongjoong in his life was enough.
And, for the most part, it was.
He loved Hongjoong enough to let him go if that was what it took for him to achieve everything he'd ever dreamed of.
But god, sometimes it hurt.
Living with Hongjoong every day was a strange kind of torture that Seonghwa willingly subjected himself to. Because how was he supposed to stop loving someone when he had to see them every single day?
How was he supposed to ignore Hongjoong's beautiful, almost fairy-like face?
The endless parade of different hair colors he experimented with?
The way his lips naturally pulled into a pout whenever he was concentrating?
The way his entire chest shook whenever Seonghwa made him laugh?
Those ridiculously long eyelashes brushing against his cheeks whenever he looked down?
How was Seonghwa supposed to stop himself from falling deeper when Hongjoong still came home excited to tell him about whatever song he was working on?
When Seonghwa was always the first person to hear his unfinished tracks?
When Hongjoong's eyes practically sparkled whenever he played something new for him?
When Seonghwa watched him work tirelessly to become a better producer, a better artist, and a better version of himself?
He loved Hongjoong.
He loved him so fucking much.
And even though being around him every day sometimes felt unbearable, the mere thought of not having him at all was infinitely worse.
The idea of waking up one morning and finding that Hongjoong was no longer part of his life was enough to make Seonghwa feel like his entire soul was being set on fire.
So he could never risk confessing.
Because losing Hongjoong was a pain Seonghwa knew he would never survive.
So Seonghwa continued hopelessly pining for his beautiful roommate and best friend and went about his day.
Right now, he was listening to his favorite coworker, Jung Wooyoung, tell him all about his mini-interaction with his work crush, Choi San from sales.
“And then he smiled at me! With his cute dimples! I’m actually in love.” Wooyoung sighed dreamily.
Seonghwa chuckled. “You know, I think he’s interested in you. You should ask for his number.”
Wooyoung scoffed. “Please. Look who’s talking about making a move. You can lecture me all you want about that once you confess to your crush and best friend of almost ten years!”
Seonghwa pouted, crossing his arms with a huff.
He hadn’t meant to let anyone know, but one night at a company dinner, when he’d gotten a little too drunk, he’d ended up spilling his guts to his coworker and friend.
He didn’t regret it much. Wooyoung was a great friend outside of work, too, but it was still a bit jarring to be reminded of it whenever he said things like this.
Wooyoung continued, “I don’t even know how you’ve gone this long without accidentally making out with him. He’s actually so hot. I would’ve tried for him if I didn’t have San to chase after.”
Seonghwa slapped his shoulder.
“Ow! Okay, okay! And since you’re madly in love with him, damnit, it’s a joke!” Wooyoung said, rubbing his shoulder.
Seonghwa rolled his eyes at Wooyoung’s antics and turned back to his desk. He was lucky Seonghwa liked him so much, or he might not have let that slide.
Work was pretty decent for Seonghwa most of the time. It wasn’t something he was passionately devoted to, but he moderately enjoyed it, and that was enough for him. Marketing suited him well enough, and he had no real complaints.
His favorite part of the day, however, was going home.
More specifically, it was waiting for Hongjoong to come home so they could have dinner together like they always did.
Their current apartment had two bedrooms, so Seonghwa’s sleepwalking was usually confined to his own room. Of course, he’d managed to open the door a few times, but no one was ever awake at that hour, so he’d simply ended up harmlessly wandering into the kitchen and yapping to himself in his sleep.
As embarrassed as Seonghwa was about his sleepwalking, Hongjoong always reminded him how endearing he found it.
Hongjoong loved calling it cute. He’d gush about how goofy Seonghwa looked, eyes wide open as he mumbled some nonsense in the middle of the night.
Seonghwa figured he was just insane.
When Seonghwa reached home, the apartment was empty as usual.
He went through his normal routine, taking a shower before heading into the kitchen to start making dinner.
Their schedules were strange. Seonghwa started earlier and finished earlier, while Hongjoong started later and finished later. Eventually, they’d developed a system.
Seonghwa took care of cooking.
Hongjoong took care of cleaning.
Mostly because poor Hongjoong could not be trusted alone in the kitchen.
Hongjoong could manage simple meals, so he usually handled breakfast. On weekends, however, he demanded that Seonghwa sit down while he cooked for the entire day, regardless of whether he was struggling or not.
He was so sweet.
It warmed Seonghwa’s heart.
He was just so fond of the man, and he was painfully weak for him. All Hongjoong had to do was flash those big, doe-like eyes at him and pout, and Seonghwa would give in almost instantly.
Seonghwa smiled to himself as he thought about the younger man while cooking dinner.
It was around the time Hongjoong should have been home by now, but he still hadn’t arrived.
Almost as if Hongjoong could sense the question forming in his mind, Seonghwa’s phone buzzed.
Joongieee 🐿️🥰
seonghwa i’m gonna be late today
might be past midnight so don’t wait for me
goodnightttt
Seonghwa pouted at the empty apartment before texting back, telling Hongjoong it was okay and reminding him to eat something.
This happened often. Hongjoong’s job as a producer was demanding, and sometimes work swallowed up his entire day.
That didn’t mean Seonghwa wasn’t a little sad that he wouldn’t get to spend the evening with him.
He ate dinner alone and cleaned up before getting ready for bed.
Once he was under the blankets, the apartment completely silent around him, the last thing Seonghwa remembered before sleep claimed him was Hongjoong. He wondered what he was doing.
—
Seonghwa got up from bed.
He opened the door and shuffled into the kitchen.
The light was on.
Hongjoong was standing there, munching on something. His orange hair glowed beneath the warm kitchen light, bright and soft like a pretty tangerine.
“Hongjoongie,” Seonghwa mumbled.
Hongjoong turned toward him in surprise before his expression slowly settled into understanding.
“Sleepwalking again…” he chuckled to himself.
Seonghwa stared at him.
Seeing Hongjoong’s delicate features glowing against the dim light made something warm bloom in his chest.
He was so beautiful.
Like he belonged in a painting.
In a museum.
Yet not even the greatest painting in the world could capture Hongjoong’s beautiful face in all its glory.
“You’re so beautiful,” Seonghwa mumbled.
Hongjoong turned toward him fully, his beautiful eyes blown wide.
“I love you so much, Joongie,” Seonghwa mumbled.
Hongjoong remained silent.
But that didn’t stop Seonghwa.
It was a dream anyway.
None of this was real.
“You’re so amazing. I can’t help but fall for you over and over again,” Seonghwa whispered.
He slowly stumbled closer to Hongjoong and lifted a hand to his cheek. His skin was so soft and warm, almost like being wrapped in a hug.
“I’ve loved you since college, Joongie…” Seonghwa whispered. “And I’ll continue loving you silently.”
Hongjoong continued staring at him with an absolutely baffled expression, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. Seonghwa wished his dream version of Hongjoong were a little more expressive.
At least say a few words.
This was starting to feel too much like the real Hongjoong.
“Say something, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa whined. “If you keep staring at me like that, I’ll kiss you.”
Hongjoong gasped.
His face flushed a brilliant shade of pink, and all Seonghwa could think about was how beautiful he looked.
He still said nothing, though, so Seonghwa figured this dream version of Hongjoong was simply silent so he could continue yapping away.
“I’ve liked you for so long…” Seonghwa mumbled. “But I don’t want to come between you and your dreams.”
His thumb brushed gently over Hongjoong’s cheek.
“You’re so amazing, Hongjoong. You deserve someone equally as amazing and talented as you. I’m just a dude who works in marketing. That’s so lame.”
Seonghwa giggled almost deliriously, his hand still cupping Hongjoong’s face as he stroked his cheek.
He didn’t even notice when Hongjoong softly placed a hand around his wrist. The touch felt far too real to be part of a dream.
But Seonghwa wasn’t paying enough attention to notice.
“The amount of times I’ve wanted to kiss you is actually ridiculous,” he continued rambling. “I’m actually proud I haven’t done it accidentally yet.”
Seonghwa lowered his hand from Hongjoong’s cheek and let his fingers drift toward his lips.
Specifically, his bottom lip.
Seonghwa loved that one.
It was plump and pink and just so fucking pretty.
Hongjoong’s eyes followed the movement like a hawk, and his face turned an even deeper shade of red.
“I want to kiss you so bad,” Seonghwa whispered.
Finally, Hongjoong spoke.
Softly.
“Why don’t you, then?”
Seonghwa blinked.
Now dream Hongjoong was starting to feel like dream Hongjoong.
If only it were real.
As much as Seonghwa would love to kiss Hongjoong, he wouldn’t.
Because if he felt Hongjoong’s lips against his—even in a dream—he knew he’d never recover.
And he’d much rather remain a functioning human being in front of his best friend.
“No, I won’t,” Seonghwa mumbled. “I want to kiss the real Hongjoong, not the dream one.”
He finally dropped his hands from Hongjoong and turned around, stumbling back toward his room.
Not before whispering one last thing.
“I love you.”
Seonghwa fell back onto the bed.
—
Seonghwa woke up much later than he usually did on a Saturday.
He’d been knocked out cold last night and had slept like a baby. If the world had ended sometime during the night, he wouldn’t have heard a thing.
He realized he’d somehow fallen asleep on the opposite side of the bed.
He figured he’d probably sleepwalked around the room again and passed out at some point.
After washing up, Seonghwa practically hopped toward the kitchen, excited to see Hongjoong since he hadn’t seen him at all the day before.
“Good morning, Joongie~” Seonghwa sang when he spotted the familiar figure sitting at the dining table.
Hongjoong was munching on some bread, his laptop open in front of him.
Instead of returning the greeting like he usually did, however, Hongjoong startled and stared at Seonghwa with wide eyes.
Seonghwa didn’t notice.
He wandered into the kitchen, grabbed his breakfast, and hummed a song he’d heard on the radio the previous week.
It was only when he placed his plate on the table that he noticed how unusually quiet Hongjoong was.
He was avoiding eye contact.
“What’s wrong, Hongjoong? Did work not go okay yesterday?” Seonghwa asked, concern creeping into his voice as he noticed Hongjoong’s fidgeting.
“Um–it was fine. Um…did you–no–” Hongjoong stammered.
“Hey, hey.” Seonghwa leaned forward. “Hongjoong, what’s wrong? You can tell me.”
He placed his hand on the table, palm up, silently offering it for Hongjoong to take. Hongjoong stared at his hand as though it were some foreign object. A puzzled expression settled over his face.
Seonghwa’s concern only grew.
Hongjoong still refused to meet his eyes.
Seonghwa pushed his chair back and walked over to him. He placed a hand against Hongjoong’s forehead. He wasn’t warm.
So no fever.
Seonghwa did, however, notice the way Hongjoong flinched the moment his hand touched his skin. Seonghwa bent down until they were at eye level. Hongjoong still wouldn’t look at him.
“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa said softly. “Why aren’t you looking at me? What happened?”
Hongjoong’s eyes darted around the room frantically before he suddenly grabbed his head.
“I didn’t get much sleep,” he whispered. “My head’s pounding. I think I’ll go back to bed. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.”
Before Seonghwa could say anything else, Hongjoong shot to his feet and practically ran toward his bedroom, leaving Seonghwa standing there alone.
Seonghwa stared after him, completely bewildered.
Why was Hongjoong acting so strangely?
It wasn’t unusual for Hongjoong to get headaches after staying up all night. It also wasn’t unusual for him to be groggy and out of it during the day until he eventually gave in and took a nap.
But this?
This was different.
Hongjoong hadn’t even looked him in the eyes.
He’d flinched when Seonghwa touched him, avoided his attempts at comforting him, and practically bolted the second he had an excuse to leave.
Seonghwa frowned, staring at the closed bedroom door.
Maybe he was overthinking it.
Hongjoong wasn’t always a people person, especially when he was exhausted. Maybe he simply wanted to be alone for a while.
So Seonghwa decided to give him the space he clearly wanted.
Even if it hurt a little.
But then again, heartbreak was nothing Seonghwa wasn’t already accustomed to.
–
Hongjoong was losing his fucking mind.
He was losing his fucking mind.
He’d locked himself in his room after realizing that he genuinely could not be in the same room as Seonghwa after whatever the fuck had happened last night.
Especially when Seonghwa didn’t even remember.
He didn’t remember.
Hongjoong was about to fucking die.
He hadn’t been able to sleep for even a second after what happened.
All he could think about was Seonghwa’s hand on his face. Seonghwa’s sleepy voice telling him that he loved him. That he’d loved him since college. That he wanted to fucking kiss him.
Hongjoong couldn’t even believe this shit.
There was no point denying it anymore.
Hongjoong was, in fact, very much in love with Seonghwa.
He’d denied it for years. He’d convinced himself that his feelings were nothing more than deep affection for his best friend, that they would eventually fade, that he was simply too close to Seonghwa to see things clearly.
But they never faded.
If anything, they only grew stronger.
He was in love with Seonghwa.
There was no getting around it anymore.
But he never would’ve guessed that Seonghwa could possibly like him back.
Except now…
Well.
Hongjoong couldn’t be sure.
He had two options.
Option one: Seonghwa had meant everything he said that night.
He really had been in love with Hongjoong since college.
He really did want to kiss him.
He really did love him.
Option two: Seonghwa had simply been having some random dream that his brain had cooked up, and none of those feelings were real.
Hongjoong was much more inclined to believe option two.
Because honestly, how the hell could someone like Seonghwa, an absolutely ethereal being that belonged in the covers of magazines and walking runways, ever genuinely be interested in him?
He was beautiful in a way that sometimes didn’t even seem real, and Hongjoong had spent years wondering how someone could possibly look that good without even trying.
Besides, dreams were weird.
Hongjoong knew that firsthand.
He’d had dreams where he was completely in love with people he felt absolutely nothing for in real life. Once, he’d had a dream that he wanted to marry Maddox hyung from his production team.
Really fucking badly.
He’d woken up horrified.
He didn’t even like Maddox that way!
So there was no reason Seonghwa couldn’t have experienced something similar.
Maybe his sleeping brain had simply decided that Hongjoong was the romantic lead for the night.
Maybe all those confessions had meant absolutely nothing.
Maybe Seonghwa didn’t actually love him.
Maybe he didn’t actually want to kiss him.
Rationally, Hongjoong knew exactly what he could do.
He could simply ask Seonghwa.
He could walk out of this room, sit him down, and ask him what happened last night.
Then he’d finally have an answer.
And if Seonghwa rejected him?
Well, at least Hongjoong could finally move on.
That was the logical thing to do.
The sensible thing.
The mature thing.
Except Hongjoong wasn’t sensible.
Except Hongjoong wasn’t mature.
Except Hongjoong was fucking terrified.
Because he didn’t want to hear the rejection.
He didn’t want to hear Seonghwa say that none of it was real. He didn’t want to hear that he’d only said those things because he was dreaming. He didn’t want to have that tiny, impossible hope ripped away from him.
And, most importantly, he didn’t want to move on.
He’d spent years trying to convince himself that loving Seonghwa from a distance was enough. That being his best friend was enough. That simply having Seonghwa in his life was enough.
And maybe it was.
Maybe it had to be.
But now there was a possibility.
A tiny, ridiculous possibility that maybe Seonghwa loved him too. And Hongjoong couldn’t bring himself to let that go. Because if there was even the smallest chance that everything Seonghwa had said was true…
Hongjoong wasn’t ready to lose it.
He wasn’t ready to lose him.
Not when he’d spent years loving Seonghwa in silence.
Not when, for the first time, there was a chance that maybe he hadn’t been loving him alone.
Maybe Hongjoong was being delusional.
Actually, he was definitely being delusional.
He was practically pacing circles around his room, his mind running through every possible explanation for what had happened and every possible outcome that could follow.
What the hell was he supposed to do?
Ask Seonghwa?
Pretend nothing happened?
Move to another country?
Change his name?
The possibilities were endless.
Unfortunately, none of them seemed particularly helpful.
Suddenly, Hongjoong heard footsteps approaching his bedroom door.
His heart nearly stopped.
Fuck.
He immediately threw himself onto the bed, yanking the blankets over his head and pretending to be asleep just as the door quietly creaked open.
Seonghwa.
Of course it was Seonghwa.
What is he doing here?
Why is he here?
Oh my God, why is he here?
Hongjoong squeezed his eyes shut beneath the blankets.
Maybe if he stayed perfectly still, Seonghwa would assume he was sleeping and leave.
That was reasonable.
That was normal.
People slept.
He was a sleeping person.
Nothing suspicious happening here.
Then he heard Seonghwa’s soft footsteps shuffling closer.
Closer.
Closer.
Don’t come here.
Oh my God, don’t come here.
Please stop.
Please stop caring about me so much.
Hongjoong felt the mattress dip slightly.
His entire body went rigid.
Seonghwa was right there.
Hovering over him.
Hongjoong could practically feel his presence through the blankets.
Oh my God.
Stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop–
“Hongjoong?” Seonghwa said softly.
Hongjoong nearly launched himself through the ceiling.
He stayed completely still beneath the blankets, desperately trying to figure out how the hell he was supposed to respond to that without exposing himself.
Because there was absolutely no way he could look Seonghwa in the eyes right now.
Not after last night.
Not after hearing those words.
Not after finally admitting to himself that he was hopelessly, irrevocably in love with the man sitting beside him.
And definitely not when Seonghwa had no fucking clue what he’d done to him.
Maybe if he stayed quiet, Seonghwa would leave.
But did Hongjoong even want Seonghwa to leave?
Of course not.
Hongjoong wanted Seonghwa to climb onto the bed beside him, wrap him up in his arms, and pull him as close as humanly possible. He wanted to bury his face against Seonghwa’s chest and stay there forever.
Hongjoong was tired.
Tired of hiding.
Tired of running away.
Tired of pretending that his feelings didn’t exist just because admitting them meant risking the most important relationship in his life.
Enough was enough.
He was going to confront Seonghwa.
Right fucking now.
And if Seonghwa rejected him?
So be it.
Maybe Hongjoong could learn witchcraft and figure out some way to erase Seonghwa’s memory afterward so they could continue being friends like nothing had ever happened.
That was a problem for future Hongjoong.
He’d deal with it later.
Hongjoong abruptly sat up. Seonghwa startled so badly that Hongjoong almost felt guilty.
Almost.
He hadn’t exactly thought this through, though, because the sudden movement left their faces dangerously close.
Really dangerously close.
Hongjoong froze.
Seonghwa froze.
Neither of them moved.
“Hongjoong?” Seonghwa whispered.
He made no attempt to pull away.
His breath softly brushed against Hongjoong’s face, sending an embarrassing shiver down his spine.
Hongjoong swallowed.
This was it.
No turning back now.
“Do you remember what happened yesterday?” he breathed.
Seonghwa’s eyebrows furrowed. He looked so fucking cute. Hongjoong wanted to squish his cheeks like he was a stuffed animal.
Instead, he forced himself to remain serious.
“What happened yesterday?” Seonghwa asked.
“You sleepwalked…” Hongjoong replied.
Seonghwa cocked his head to the side, confusion spreading across his face. “I always do that?”
“Yes, but…” Hongjoong hesitated. “Do you remember exactly what happened when you sleepwalked?”
Seonghwa’s expression shifted. He looked down, brows knitting together as he searched through his memories. Hongjoong watched him struggle for a few seconds before deciding he couldn’t take it anymore.
He had to know.
“You said you were in love with me,” Hongjoong whispered.
Seonghwa’s head snapped up and his eyes went impossibly wide. The color drained from his face before rushing back all at once. He stared at Hongjoong in pure panic, instinctively shifting backward.
Hongjoong’s heart clenched.
There it was.
The fear he’d been dreading.
Seonghwa opened his mouth, probably to explain himself, but Hongjoong stopped him.
“I just want you to answer one thing, Seonghwa.”
His voice came out quieter than he expected.
“One thing.”
Seonghwa went still.
Hongjoong swallowed hard, forcing himself to hold his gaze.
“Did you mean it?”
Silence.
“Don’t lie to me, Park Seonghwa.”
His voice cracked slightly.
“Do you really love me?”
Seonghwa stayed silent.
He just stared at Hongjoong.
And somehow, that silence was more terrifying than any rejection could have been.
Hongjoong decided he had to be even braver. He’d already come this far. There was no point backing out now.
“Because, Seonghwa, I’m asking you…because I’m–God–I’m really fucking in love with you,” Hongjoong stammered, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. “So please…just be honest with me right now.”
Seonghwa’s eyes widened even further.
Hongjoong genuinely wasn’t sure how that was physically possible.
Under any other circumstances, the sheer comical horror on Seonghwa’s face probably would’ve made him laugh.
But right now?
With his heart practically on fire and his entire future with the person he loved hanging in the balance?
He couldn’t find it funny at all.
He could barely breathe.
Then, suddenly, Seonghwa did something Hongjoong was completely unprepared for.
Something he’d secretly been waiting for almost a decade.
Seonghwa practically tackled him back onto the bed before crashing their lips together.
The sheer shock of being manhandled and then desperately kissed by the man of his dreams made Hongjoong’s head spin.
For a moment, he could do nothing but stare.
Then instinct took over.
His hands immediately found their way into Seonghwa’s hair, fingers tangling through the soft strands as he pulled him closer.
His heart felt like it was trying to beat straight out of his chest. Every inch of skin Seonghwa touched seemed to catch fire and he felt like his brain was going to explode from the sheer euphoria he was experiencing.
Seonghwa removed his lips from Hongjoong and continued leaving trails of kisses along his face and neck, the steady weight of Seonghwa on top of him leaving Hongjoong feeling like mush on the inside.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Seonghwa whispered brokenly against his skin, continuing to pepper desperate kisses along Hongjoong’s neck. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?”
Hongjoong’s eyes threatened to spill over because, for once, he didn’t even know the answer to that question.
Why hadn’t he told Seonghwa?
He was scared Seonghwa would reject him.
Scared Seonghwa wouldn’t want to continue being friends with him.
Scared that, if they became something more, Seonghwa wouldn’t turn out to be what he had expected from a relationship.
He was just scared.
But then another thought crept into Hongjoong’s mind.
Why hadn’t Seonghwa told him?
Now that he had at least some confirmation that his sleepwalking confession had been real, it meant Seonghwa had liked him since college. Almost a decade.
Hongjoong knew he wasn’t entirely to blame. His own feelings for Seonghwa had only developed much more recently, long after college. Still, knowing that Seonghwa had been carrying those feelings for nearly ten years left a heaviness in his chest.
Slowly, Hongjoong pushed Seonghwa’s head away from the crook of his neck, ignoring the soft whine that escaped him as he reluctantly lifted his head.
Hongjoong forced himself to meet Seonghwa’s eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Seonghwa?” he asked. He had to ignore the bright red flush on Seonghwa’s face and his pink lips swollen and shiny.
Seonghwa’s eyes started scattering as he searched for an answer. His mouth opened, then closed again.
“I…”
The word came out barely above a whisper. Seonghwa swallowed hard, his fingers curling into the sheets beside Hongjoong’s head.
“Because I was scared…” Seonghwa finally whispered. Seonghwa let out a shaky laugh, though there was nothing amused about it.
“I know. It sounds fucking ridiculous.” His voice trembled. “But what was I supposed to do? Tell you I’d been in love with you since we were 18 and risk losing you completely?”
Hongjoong’s chest tightened.
“You loved me since college?”
Seonghwa’s eyes flickered back to his.
“Yes.”
The answer was immediate.
Certain.
It somehow hurt more than Hongjoong expected.
“Why?” he whispered.
Seonghwa frowned. “Why what?”
“Why me?”
A tiny crease appeared between Seonghwa’s eyebrows. “You seriously have to ask me that?”
Hongjoong looked away, but Seonghwa caught his chin gently and turned his face back toward him.
“I fell in love with you because you were you,” he said. “Because you cared too much about everything. Because you’d stay up until three in the morning helping someone with a problem and then complain about being tired the next day.”
Hongjoong’s eyes burned.
“Because your beautiful mind was filled with so much passion and creativity that I could never ever reach, much less try to be with. Because every time I look at you, my heart stops because of how beautiful you are. Your beautiful face, your beautiful eyes, your beautiful lips, your beautiful everything.”
Seonghwa smiled faintly as Hongjoong’s face flushed further.
“Because you’d pretend you didn’t care what people thought, but I knew you did. Because you always made room for everyone else, even when you were the one who needed someone.”
His thumb brushed slowly beneath Hongjoong’s eye.
“And because every time I looked at you, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.”
Hongjoong’s lips trembled as he spoke, “But why didn’t you tell me?”
Seonghwa sighed, his gaze dropping to where his hand still held Hongjoong’s chin.
“How could I when you were so focused on your dreams and your career?” he whispered. “You said you didn’t want a relationship to distract you from that. How could I be selfish because of my feelings when you were so clear about what you wanted?”
His voice grew quieter.
“You don’t deserve someone like me. Someone who doesn’t have even an ounce of the talent and passion as you do.”
Hongjoong stared at him.
For a moment, he genuinely couldn't believe what he was hearing.
But then again, he completely understood where Seonghwa was coming from.
He was right.
Hongjoong hadn't wanted a relationship during college. Not when he was struggling through classes, barely sleeping, and dealing with bitchy professors constantly ranting about his “potential” that supposedly wasn't being used, no matter how damn hard he tried.
Back then, the last thing Hongjoong had wanted was another thing to worry about.
He'd been so focused on surviving long enough to prove everyone wrong that he hadn't even considered the possibility of someone wanting to walk beside him while he did it.
But that had been years ago.
Years.
Hongjoong wasn't that person anymore.
He'd graduated. He'd worked his ass off. He'd finally built the career he'd spent years dreaming about. He was living the life he'd always wanted.
And somewhere along the way, he'd fallen in love with his best friend.
So if Seonghwa had really loved him that much...
Why hadn't he told him?
Why hadn't he said anything once Hongjoong had graduated?
Once he'd started living his dream?
Once it was clear that Hongjoong wasn't going to suddenly abandon everything he'd worked for just because he was in a relationship?
Why had Seonghwa made that decision for him?
Didn't Hongjoong deserve to know?
Didn't he have the right to hear the truth and decide for himself what he wanted to do with it?
The thought hurt more than he expected. Because beneath all of Seonghwa's excuses was something Hongjoong couldn't ignore. Seonghwa hadn't told him because he'd thought Hongjoong would never choose him.
Because he'd thought he wasn't good enough.
Hongjoong's chest ached.
Seonghwa.
His Seonghwa.
The man who was kind and smart and caring and funny.
The man who could make Hongjoong laugh until his stomach hurt.
The man who could look at him for half a second and somehow know exactly what was wrong.
The man who was cute as hell when he got flustered and sexy as fuck when he wasn't even trying.
The person Hongjoong looked for whenever he had the best day of his life and the person he looked for whenever he had the worst.
How could Seonghwa possibly believe that he wasn't good enough?
Hongjoong stared at him for a long moment.
Then he shook his head, laughing, but there was no humor in his voice.
“You know what bothers me the most?”
Seonghwa’s eyes filled with worry as he asked, “What?”
“You keep saying you made that decision because you were thinking about me,” Hongjoong said. “What you thought I wanted. What you thought I deserved…”
Seonghwa nodded slowly, whispering, “I was…”
“But don’t I deserve to have a say in that?” Hongjoong asked, his voice cracking.
Seonghwa’s eyes widened.
“But… you didn’t want to… your dreams?”
“I know what I said, Seonghwa.” Hongjoong's voice softened, though the hurt remained. “If you’d told me back then and I’d said no, fine. If you’d told me I wasn’t ready, fine. If I’d told you I only wanted to be friends, then at least we’d both have known the truth.”
He swallowed.
“But that was years ago.”
Seonghwa’s lips parted, but no words came.
“If you had still liked me after I achieved my dreams, you could’ve told me.”
Hongjoong’s eyes burned.
“You could’ve asked me. But you never gave me the choice.”
Seonghwa looked down.
“I was scared of losing you,” Seonghwa whispered. “I was scared that you wouldn’t be interested in me, and then you would be uncomfortable around me, and then I’d lose my best friend forever.”
Hongjoong stared at him.
“I had convinced myself that being your friend was more than enough for me.” Seonghwa’s voice cracked. “I was a coward.”
Hongjoong brought a hand up to Seonghwa’s face, brushing away the tear that fell as he spoke.
“No,” he whispered.
Seonghwa looked at him.
“You were scared.”
Seonghwa scoffed, “That makes me a coward–”
“It makes you human.”
Another tear slipped down Seonghwa’s cheek. Hongjoong caught it with his thumb.
“You loved me for almost ten years, Seonghwa. You were terrified that telling me would cost you the one relationship you already had with me. I can't blame you for being afraid of that.” Hongjoong explained.
“But I should've said something.” Seonghwa whispered.
“Maybe.”
Seonghwa's eyes dropped.
“But I could’ve said something too.” Hongjoong said with a sad smile. “I kept my feelings under the rug too. We really are similar.”
Seonghwa’s eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “But you said your feelings only developed recently?”
“They did.” Hongjoong paused, trying to put the complicated mess of his feelings into words. “But once I realized what I was feeling, I didn't exactly run to tell you either.”
Seonghwa remained silent.
“I spent months convincing myself it was just because we were close. That I was confusing affection with something else. That maybe I was lonely, or stressed, or just spending too much time around you.”
A quiet laugh escaped him.
“Anything was easier to believe than the obvious.”
Seonghwa's lips twitched. “What was the obvious?”
Hongjoong looked directly into his eyes.
“That I was falling in love with you.”
Seonghwa's breath caught.
“And I was terrified too,” Hongjoong continued. “Because what if I told you and you didn't feel the same? What if I ruined everything? What if you looked at me differently afterward?”
Seonghwa's expression softened.
“So you were afraid I'd reject you.”
“Very.”
Seonghwa gave a tiny, almost disbelieving laugh. “You?”
“Yes, me.”
“You're telling me the same person who just spent five minutes lecturing me about communicating was too scared to confess as well?”
Hongjoong frowned. “Now if you put it like that…”
That earned him a genuine laugh. It was quiet and wet with tears, but it was real.
Hongjoong's thumb continued tracing absentminded circles over Seonghwa's cheek. “I guess we both spent years assuming the other person would never choose us.”
Seonghwa's smile faded. “That sounds stupid when you say it like that.”
“It was stupid.”
The silence that followed was completely different from the one before.
Seonghwa’s expression crumpled.
Hongjoong barely had time to register the tears gathering in his eyes before Seonghwa leaned down and buried his face against Hongjoong’s shoulder.
A broken sound escaped him.
Hongjoong wrapped both arms around him immediately.
“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa’s muffled voice whispered.
“Don’t apologize–”
“I wasted so much time.”
“Seonghwa–”
“I wasted almost ten years.”
Hongjoong tightened his arms around him.
“We're here now.”
Seonghwa went still. Hongjoong pressed his cheek against his hair.
“We're here now,” he repeated, softer this time. “That's what matters.”
They stayed like that for a while. Neither of them seemed to know what to say anymore. For once, words weren't necessary.
Seonghwa’s weight against him was comforting in a way Hongjoong had never realized he needed. He could feel the slow rise and fall of Seonghwa’s chest against his own, the warmth of his body seeping through their clothes.
Every so often, Seonghwa sniffled quietly.
Each time, Hongjoong's arms tightened around him.
His fingers moved slowly up and down Seonghwa’s back, tracing soothing circles between his shoulder blades.
It was strange.
After everything they had just admitted to each other, Hongjoong had expected to feel overwhelmed.
Instead, he felt strangely calm.
Like some part of him had finally settled into place.
This was Seonghwa.
His best friend.
The person he'd trusted more than anyone.
The person he'd spent years unconsciously searching for in every room.
And now he was here, curled against him, finally letting Hongjoong hold him in a way neither of them had ever allowed themselves to before. Finally holding Hongjoong the way neither of them had ever allowed themselves to before.
After a moment, Seonghwa shifted slightly.
“Hongjoong?”
Hongjoong let out a hum.
“Do you really love me?”
“I really do, Seonghwa. I love you.” Hongjoong reassured him.
Seonghwa lifted his head just enough to look at him. His eyes were red and swollen, his cheeks damp with tears, yet his eyes seemed to sparkle with a new life.
“I can’t believe it…” Seonghwa breathed.
Hongjoong softly giggled, “I can’t believe you love me either, so we’re both twinning in that, I guess.”
Seonghwa lowered his face to press his lips all over Hongjoong’s face, whispering I love you’s each time.
Hongjoong's smile grew wider with every kiss.
Seonghwa continued, trailing gentle kisses along his cheek and down toward his neck, whispering those three words against his skin each time.
“I love you.”
Another kiss.
“I love you.”
Another.
“I love you so fucking much.”
Hongjoong let out a breathless laugh, his fingers instinctively threading through Seonghwa’s hair. “You've said that like six times.”
“I know.”
“Planning on stopping?”
“Nope.”
Hongjoong laughed again. “Okay.”
Seonghwa pressed one last kiss against the hollow of his throat before lifting his head.
His eyes met Hongjoong's.
“I've wanted to say that to you for so long.”
Hongjoong's smile softened. “You can say it as much as you want now.”
Seonghwa's expression became almost impossibly tender. “I love you.”
Hongjoong reached up and cupped his cheek. “I love you.”
Seonghwa leaned into his palm, closing his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them again.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked excitedly.
Hongjoong stared at him.
“You viciously threw me into this bed and made out with me for 5 minutes and you’re asking me now?” he replied incredulously.
Seonghwa was almost bouncing with the biggest smile on his face as he responded, “Yeah, but I wanna do it properly.”
“You're awake this time?” Hongjoong snickered.
Seonghwa laughed, “Yes actually.”
Hongjoong's heart melted. He grabbed the collar of Seonghwa’s shirt and pulled him close, their lips almost brushing.
“Kiss me right the fuck now.” Hongjoong whispered.
That was all the permission Seonghwa needed. He smiled against Hongjoong’s lips before finally closing the tiny distance between them.
This kiss was different.
There was no panic behind it, no desperate need to prove that the other person was real. No years of buried feelings threatening to overwhelm them.
Just warmth.
Just love.
Just them.
Seonghwa kissed him slowly, almost reverently, as though he were afraid that moving too quickly might somehow wake him from the dream he'd spent nearly ten years wishing for.
Hongjoong melted into it.
His fingers curled into the front of Seonghwa's shirt, pulling him closer as their lips moved together. Every few seconds, they separated just enough to breathe before inevitably finding each other again.
Eventually, Seonghwa’s lips left Hongjoong’s and he looked at Hongjoong.
“What’s on your mind?” Hongjoong asked.
Seonghwa giggled, then erupted into a fit of laughter.
“What?” Hongjoong cried.
Seonghwa wiped his eyes and replied, “I can finally tell Wooyoung that I confessed to my crush, and now he’s gonna be forced to do the same. He’s never gonna believe it.”
Hongjoong gasped. “You told your coworker?”
“Drunk accident,” Seonghwa replied sheepishly.
“Of course you can’t hold your alcohol, you lightweight,” Hongjoong teased.
Seonghwa let out a quiet chuckle before burying himself in the crook of Hongjoong’s neck. He whispered, “My sleepwalking finally became of use to me…”
Hongjoong chuckled.
His legs were starting to fall numb from Seonghwa’s weight, but he didn’t even care. He was the happiest person on the fucking planet.
It may have taken the two of them almost a decade to finally understand each other’s feelings. Feelings that had been revealed through Seonghwa’s sleepwalking.
But it didn’t matter in the end.
They were together now.
–
“YOU WHAT????” Wooyoung screamed, earning a few startled stares from his coworkers.
“I confessed to Hongjoong. We’re together now.” Seonghwa snickered as he sipped his coffee, thoroughly entertained by Wooyoung’s reaction. “So now, gain some courage and confess to your crush as well.”
“THIS WASN’T A BET????”
“It is now.” Seonghwa smiled wickedly. “Chop chop. Time’s ticking.”