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Ilya left for a roadie this whole week and it was killing Shane to not see his beautiful fiancé for an entire week.
God Shane was hopelessly in love with Ilya it was kind of pathetic how he sat at home just staring at his black phone screen wishing it would light up and when it did he would get sad when it wasn’t Ilya.
But 9 times out of ten it was so it wasn’t terrible and luckily Ilya didn’t go on any planes for this game he was still in America but it was only a couple hours and the team was still a little traumatized from the accident.
Shane knows he is okay. Shane also can tell Ilya is still a little bit on edge now with traveling and Shane hates to see him worry but also a little selfishly it comforts him knowing that Ilya cares about his safety.
God Shane is a terrible person for wanting his future husband to worry about him and himself just because Shane is insecure.
But when you have someone so perfect and beautiful who actually cares for you for no reason or obligation except they want to, it makes you feel good about yourself.
:-:-:-:-:
Its a goddam Thursday when everything falls apart Shane is out with Hayden and jj when Hayden decides then was a great time to take dynamite to Shane’s mental state.
“What would you do if you found out Ilya cheated on you?” Why the hell would he say that? Does he know something? Does Ilya seem like the type of person to cheat? Shane knew he was a notorious playboy but he made it clear he was never dating anyone.
Also when Shane was dating someone he never tried to get with Shane but maybe it was because he was hurt by Shane ignoring him? No, why would he care if Shane was with someone else?
Ilya was hot and perfect and amazing and talented. He never had to worry about finding someone who wanted him and if he did they were blind.
No Shane stop being stupid he’s dating YOU he said yes to YOU no one else.
“Shut the fuck up hayden that’s a dumb question”
Shane said “it was just a question man calm down” “oh just a question? What would you do if Jackie cheated on you?”
Hayden paused then frowned and said”yeah okay stupid question sorry man.”
I sigh and finish my drink, paying and leaving to get an uber. Fuck Hayden.
:-:-:-:-:
Shane couldn’t sleep that night.Hayden had opened the heavily locked door in his brain with all his insecurities in it.
He was just staring at his ceiling and thinking and it wasn’t all nice thoughts but before he could work himself into a panic attack he picked up his phone and called Ilya.
At first when Ilya didn’t answer he got worried before remembering that it was the middle of the night and Ilya was probably asleep.
So Shane just sent him a text instead
Jane:just thinking about you call me when you wake up ❤️
Good that was good, normal didn’t sound too panicky or needy hopefully…okay it does sound needy but that’s not a bad thing…right?
Before Shane could work himself up into a panic attack he finally went to sleep exhausted, taking him out.
:-:-:-:-:
When he woke up he forgot about the text message and started getting ready for the day. It was an hour later when he was eating breakfast and going through his phone that he remembered and went to check if Ilya responded.
Huh he hadn’t even seen it yet I mean it’s early so maybe he just hadn’t woken up yet or maybe had time to look at his phone.
Everything is fine.
:-:-:-:-:
You might have guessed it but everything is NOT fine. It was afternoon and Ilya hadn’t responded or even seen it yet Shane was starting to worry even more then usual.
Jane: Hey Ilya, are you busy?
Jane:Ilya? Are you okay?
Jane:please answer me like right now
Jane: just let me know you're alive please?
Shane’s brain immediately went to the worst case scenario like he was kidnapped and being sold on the black market or he was killed and he’s bleeding out on the street.
Shane was hyperventilating now before he tried to calm himself down. It hadn't even been a full day. He shouldn't be freaking out so bad.
But he and Ilya always text each other all the time, especially when either of them were on road trips.
The last time they didn’t was when Ilya almost died so this was bringing up a lot of bad memories and feelings.
That’s when he got a notification from instagram it was Troy’s account. It was a picture of Ilya,hasye,bood,and Troy at a cafe all smiling and happy.
The caption wrote”time with my team before we kick ass tonight”
Ilya was fine, he was alive and Shane felt relief for a second before dread filled him. Ilya was okay and ignoring Shane.
Did Shane do something wrong?
Had he annoyed him being so needy?
Was this Ilya's way of telling him to stop being so clingy?
Maybe he just needed space for today.
What if Ilya was having a bad day and just didn’t want Shane to know about it?
No he looked so happy in the picture with his friends, without Shane.
Shane took a deep breath and tried to think rationally about this. Maybe Ilya just lost his phone or it died or he left it at the hotel yeah that’s probably it…right?
:-:-:-:
Shane spent the rest of that day in panic mode. He watched the game and Ilya looked fine, actually he looked better than fine.
Maybe this is what an Ilya without Shane was like,happy.
No stop bad Shane, Ilya is happy with you he’s going to marry you he spent 10 years with you even if it was only actually a little bit spent together still.
Shane didn’t sleep that night. He sat in his closet under all his clothes head back against the wall, eyes closed focused on his breathing and not thinking about anything else.
At least he tried not to think about anything else but he couldn’t help it. Shane was a worrier and very very anxious.
He totally lost track of time and he might have fallen asleep actually because he was jolted awake by the front door down stairs banging open and Ilya yelling out to him.
Ilya?
Shane quickly got out of the closet and looked at his phone. Oh, he had 10 missed calls from Ilya and several messages.
Lily❤️: hey sorry I’m fine just forgot my phone at the hotel
Lily❤️: I didn’t mean to scare you I’m fine promise
Lily❤️:Shane I know you are probably freaking out please answer me
Lily❤️:we are headed home now please tell me your okay I know you arnt asleep
Shit Ilya was freaking out, why was he freaking out? Did something happen?
Before he could call out to Ilya the bedroom door opened and Shane was pulled into a crushing hug that he quickly reciprocated holding onto Ilya tightly
“God Ilya I was so worried” Shane checked him for injuries
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine Shane are you okay?” Ilya asked a bit panicked himself.
Why would he be worried Shane’s fine
“Yeah I’m fine, why?” “Because you probably thought I was dead or something because I wasn't answering and you probably had like 50 panic attacks!” Ilya replied exasperated
Oh yeah that’s a valid concern and something that definitely happened.
“Well yeah but I’m fine now why weren’t you answering me?”
Ilya sighed and kissed Shane.”I forgot my phone at the hotel so I didn’t see your messages until I got back late last night then you wouldn’t answer your phone”
I relaxed at the information
And with every kiss from Ilya and the soft words as Shane told him all the bad things he thought that door got smaller and locked tighter.
Ilya loved him always and there’s no reason for shame to doubt Ilya so Shane will try not to anymore but it will probably take a lot of time.
The end.❤️