Work Text:
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
Rozanov, trying to pick up his own husband: "Busy after this?" Hollander immediately: "For you? Yes. I'm washing my hair." Skates away.
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
After a difficult 1st period: "Is EVERYBODY getting paid to throw this game, or are we just shit, now?" Centaurs eventually win by 2.
***
Shane knocked then slipped into Harris' office. The man was deeply involved in something at his two monitor screens then flipped over to his phone a moment later.
Realizing Harris had not seen him, or heard him knock, he cleared his throat. "Hey," he started.
"Hey," Harris said cautiously.
"So, um... have you seen that account that popped up a few days ago?"
Harris rubbed the spot between his eyebrows, trying to release some tensions. "Yeah. No idea who it is, though." He went back to whatever he was doing on his phone.
Shane frowned. "Oh. Ok."
"Best idea? Just let me try to figure it out. Eventually they'll slip up, and we'll be able to narrow down who it is from."
"Hmm," Shane said, thinking it over. "My mom thinks I should go full-tilt on figuring out who it is. I... kinda don't care?"
That did get Harris to look up. "Good for you, man. That's growth."
Shane did smile at that. He really had spent a good many years freaking out about everything involving his image. Hell, it had taken him a year in Ottawa to actually start saying what he meant with people. It was easier now to do so, and doing it was far less stressful than constantly holding everything back. "I mean... what harm is it really doing?"
"Not much, other than with the people who already don't like you and the people you were never going to win back after you left Montreal," Harris said in all honesty. "Like, seriously. Can I say I'm proud of you for being marginally cool about this?"
Shane sat down in the chair across from Harris' desk. "I'll accept it," he said, actually feeling a little lighter, knowing there was someone “official” who didn't worry too much about the Twitter account currently "maligning" him.
Ilya and his mother were strangely cautious and worried. His mother was worried about his reputation. Ilya seemed to be more worried about Shane's reaction, more than any damage it was causing.
"I mean... you have to admit, it's funny," Harris said. "Objectively funny." He dug for something on his phone. Harris read out the latest tweet. "Hollander rolls up on Hayes having car trouble. 'Even your car doesn't want to be seen with you after you let through that many goals tonight, bud.' Hollander drives away."
Shane smirked. "I knew he'd already called for help, otherwise I wouldn't have left him. That does make me look like a bit of an ass, though."
Harris chuckled. "A little. But, I mean, if you're not worried, I'll work less hard on tracking down the culprit. Still. Again. Objectively funny, after the way Wyatt played. Any idea who was around at the time to overhear that?"
Shrugging, Shane ran his fingers along the suede-covered armrest of the chair. It was soothing. "I wasn't exactly looking for spies. Now I'm going to be checking everywhere, trying to figure out who it is."
Scrolling a little, Harris found another one. "'Hollander in the showers. 'Why does this water smell like kombucha? What did you DO, Dykstra?' I laughed out loud when I saw that one this morning."
"The one I don't get is the binky one where I asked the new kids if they wanted to trade their baby bottles for binkies so they could get out on the ice already. No one else was around, except for the rookies and Ilya. They definitely weren't around for the kombucha comment, and I really have to trust that my own husband won't start a Twitter account detailing my disparaging remarks."
Harris laughed. "That one did numbers, too. Saw it on a few other sites with some photo manips. But honestly... we'll track them down and ask them to stop, after we find out who it is." He stopped scrolling and squinted at one. "You told Bood after he ate a bunch of raw garlic that you'd help his wife divorce him for going home smelling like that?"
"He was eating the garlic like potato chips." He'd manage to hold back the remark begging Bood to not ask his wife for a blow job any time soon, otherwise that would have definitely ended up on this Twitter feed. "Anyways, that was just a few guys at an after-party. And Ilya." Shane frowned. "He wouldn't would he?"
Setting his phone down on the top of his desk, Harris thought about it. "Is Ilya the type in general? Yes. Is he the type to do it without taking credit? No. Still. Let's keep an eye on him. But if you get bugged by the tweets, ask him to stop and see what he says?"
Safe strategy. Harris probably didn't really think it was Ilya. But one did have to cover one's bases, he supposed. "Alright. I guess we'll wait for a few more tweets to come out, to see who's the common denominator."
"Fair strategy. Don't worry--I'm working on it too. They're always posted from an iPhone in the middle of the night, if that helps."
"That really doesn't. Ilya has an iPhone and he sometimes scrolls in the middle of the night. But...ok. We'll see what happens."
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
In Scott Hunter's bar: "Tip is 20%. Move the decimal and double it. Wait. You don't know what the decimal is?" Hollander stares into an invisible camera and sighs*
***
"Ok!" Ilya shouted at breakfast one morning after looking at his phone. "Which one of you tweeted this?" He demanded, standing and holding up phone, showing the tweet about hair washing. "You make me look bad!"
"Oh, but the other ones are fine?" Wyatt asked, still a little stung over the car tweet.
"The other ones are funny!" Ilya called over to his table. "This one is terrible and should be deleted."
"You're just mad they think I'm funnier than you are," Shane quipped then he took a long sip of coffee.
"You are not funnier than I am," Ilya said darkly. "I am funniest."
Shane cracked up so hard coffee came out of his nose. He rushed to wipe up the mess immediately
Half the guys lost it. The other half were editorializing among themselves as to who was funnier.
"It has to be Hollzy," Haas pointed out to everyone at his table. "No one started a Roz account."
Ilya's eyes narrowed.
Shane tugged on his arm and pulled him back into his chair. "Listen to our tiny two hundred pound child. He speaks the truth."
Looking incredibly put out, Ilya pointed his fork at them. "You all disgust me."
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
...Hollander busts up and coffee comes shooting at his nose 4/4
=>Elsa R. @IceQueenERoberts
Roz can't even pick up his own husband, now this. Sad. I love it.
=>Roz's Regiment @RozsReg
Ottawa changes a man. Rozanov is no longer a guy who can pull and definitely isn't funny anymore, and Hollander is dropping one liners like he'll die if he don't.
=>Pucky Barnes @PuckyBarnes
Based on past tweets, Hollander held back. Spitting coffee out his nose? This is him showing his husband respect.
***
Shane could feel Ilya reading over his shoulder. "What?" he asked.
Ilya pointed to the tweet he was looking at. "You are ok?"
"I guess. I mean, it's not anything I didn't say, you know? I'm sure I should be more concerned about it. My mother is concerned about it. But so far, it's harmless."
Coming around the sofa, Ilya sat down beside him. "What if it stops being harmless? That is why we need to find out who it is. Make sure there are rules."
"Fair enough."
Ilya looked him over skeptically. "You are really not mad."
Shane sighed and put his phone down. "I think a year or two ago I would have been mortified. But lately?" He shrugged. "It seems like so much work." He was a little tired of being who he'd been just a few years ago. Being that perpetually anxious had taken a lot out of him. "Do you think I should...?"
He picked up the phone again and regarded the tweet.
"What?"
"I'm feeling... bad." He said it with just a hint of mischief in his voice.
"Like, bad about about the tweets?" Ilya asked cautiously.
"Like..." He hit reply.
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
"Ro-o-oz, Hollander's being a nerd about real estate again!" "You're just mad your mom has a picture of me on her mantel." "I am, shit. But you don't need to keep reminding me."
=>Wayne "Hot Stuff" McGee @HotStuffMcGee
Nerd. Nerd who isn't afraid to deal emotional damage before 10 a.m.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
Everyone should be a nerd about investment real estate in this economy.
Ilya took the phone away from Shane with a sly smile. "You are very bad." Before shutting the screen off and putting it aside, he looked at the tweet. "Twelve replies. One hundred twenty six..." He shook his head with a tsk. "For someone who does not regularly use social media, you do know how to break it quick."
Tossing the phone onto one of the sofa cushions, Ilya straddled his husband.
"I've learned by watching you," Shane said with a barely-contained smile. "I've seen you get like fifty thousand likes in an hour just by replying to a random hater and basically ruining their day with alerts.
"Hot," Ilya said into Shane's neck. "Do it again."
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
To Rozanov: If you wanted ice cream, you shouldn't have played like shit.
=>Cens Go Go Dancer @CensGoGo
Hollander, holding his husband to a higher standard. He wasn't that bad.
=>Frenetic Fran @MLHFrenzy
Ice cream's for winners. That game was terrible. No ice cream for anyone on the Centaurs. Except for Hollander.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
I'm lactose intolerant, but I get what you're saying.
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
Re: Group mini golf trip. Roz: WHEN I win, I pick for movie night. Hollander: When you lose, I will let you cry on my shoulder for as long as you need. Then I pick the movie. (They both lost.)
=>Prince Hockey @HockeyPants
I used to come here for hockey news. Now I come here for this.
=>Frenetic Fran @MHLFrenzy
Does Rozanov just let him get away with this stuff?
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
Yes.
=>Pucky Barns @PuckyBarns
Truthfully, I expected better from both of them.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
LaPointe cooked the books. I still picked the movie.
=>Pucky Barns @PuckyBarns
I don't understand what's happening right now.
***
Shane got called into Harris' office immediately upon arrival. He wondered if his few benign-ish replies were going too far? He just... felt better about things. A little freer, lately. He felt like cutting loose.
And so far, his agent and his mom had said nothing about the replies. Well, his mom had commented that she knew he was doing it and it was nice to see him interacting with fans, but that's as far as she'd gone. No critique of his actual words. Which was nice. His mother had many opinions and wasn't afraid to share them.
She still thought they needed to stop whoever was making the tweets, of course. But she was a little more relaxed about it.
"Ok. So. I have narrowed it down," Harris said, gesturing for him to take a seat.
"Oh, great." So this wasn't about his replies. Amazing.
"...To five guys."
Shane let out a forced, dry chuckle. "That's... a whole fast food chain."
"I can talk to all five of them, if you want?" He passed Shane a list on a large sticky note.
Shane looked it over. "Haas? Really? My large toddler son?"
"Means and motive in six out of twelve instances in the last week."
With a sigh, Shane gave the note back. "I guess? Or maybe I should?" He had no idea what he'd say, if he had to confront them. Maybe a faint, joking 'please stop' would work?
"I have more leverage," Harris said. It was true. He was the communications director. All would say was that it wasn't the message they wanted to send out and that he would eventually track down the cuprite. Shane was just asking politely.
"I can do it," Shane reiterated. "Like I said... I'm not mad. I just want there to be ground rules."
Harris looked him over. "You really want to do it."
"Sure. I'm not exactly scared of the guys on the team. Or mad. Might as well keep this out of official channels."
"Oh, official channels have noticed. And they want there to be rules, too."
"What're we looking at? Rules-wise?" Shane was curious.
"Nothing too personal. Nothing that makes you look mean or cruel. The thing about Wyatt's car looked a little mean from the outside." Harris listed off a few other things that Shane thought was fair, and would certainly protect him.
"How's about I just tell each of them that?"
"I'm also sending out a general email. In case we're wrong, or we've missed anybody. They could be coordinating."
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
Hollander: People who eat well-done steak are sociopaths. LaPoint: HEY! Hollander: Hey, everybody! I flushed out the sociopath!
=>Roz's Regiment @RozsReg
Libel!
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
It's libel if it's in print. I said it out loud. So it would be slander. But he does eat well-done steak, so...
=>Cens Go Go Dancer @CensGoGo
Is it libel now?
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
The steak was well-done. I said what I said.
***
Shane wondered if he shouldn't just kill three birds with one stone. With some thought, he decided to just be efficient about it. He supposed this had to be done. Especially with all the attention the account was getting. It had flown under the radar for exactly one day before blowing up overnight. Now a lot of people wanted to know who ran it and if it was all true. Shane neither confirmed nor denied anything.
As everyone was heading out for practice, he held up a hand. "Infants!" he called out across the changing room. "Over here."
There were a few ooohs, and questions wondering what the new guys had done, but pretty much everyone left it go and filed out.
Once they were alone and the rookies gathered around him, he looked each of them in the eye seriously. "So, which one of you guys runs the account?"
They all looked at each other, completely stricken. "Which--which account?" Newberry asked.
"You know which account," Shane said evenly.
They all were shitting a brick. He felt bad.
"I'm not mad," Shane assured them. "Management just expects there to be ground rules."
Looking at each other again, trying to figure out which one was the guilty party, they fumbled over assurances that it wasn't them.
Straightening his back, Shane looked down his nose at all three of them. "I believe you. Now get out there. And don't forget your binkies."
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
...don't forget your binkies." 2/2
=>Puck the Magic Dragon @PuckMagicDrag
Binky callback. The mark of a true comedian.
=>Cens Go Go Dancer @CensGoGo
It's funny because Hollander is old.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
You say this like Scott Hunter isn't out there, existing.
=>Scott Hunter @THEScottHunter
Why am I catching strays?
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
👀
***
Ilya helped Shane clear the dinner plates while Yuna put away the leftovers and David started the dishes. He tried to say it casually, but it didn't quite come out that way. "Why are the babies stumbling over themselves to tell me they are not the Twitter account tweeting about you?"
Gathering up the forks and napkins, Shane shrugged. "I don't know. I might have talked to them."
"Did you get mad finally?" He paused with a plate hovering over his stack.
Shane brushed it off. "No. I just told Harris that I would talk to them. He has a theory it's one of five guys."
"An overrated burger shop."
Nodding, Shane continued. "That's what I said." They tended to be on the same page about some things, at least.
"Good man."
"Anyway, I figured I'd just get all three of them at once, and I think it freaked them out more than reassuring them that I wasn't singling anyone out."
"Please. No scaring the children."
"I have to do Haas next."
"Please. No scaring the children," Ilya repeated.
Shane chuckled. "Noted."
"Are we talking about that Twitter account?" Yuna said from the doorway.
Grabbing the last fork, Shane sighed. "Yeah. I'm handling it with Harris. Not a big deal."
Yuna folded her arms over her chest. "I want to hear what they have to say for themselves. Whoever it is."
"It's fine, whoever it is. Management just has some guidelines they want followed."
"And what do YOU want?" his mother all but demanded.
"Them to follow the guidelines?"
His mother grabbed the last of the salad from the middle of the table. "I'm proud of you for being laid back about this, and even playing along. But if we don't find out who this is, it could get serious if they don't have guardrails."
"I only have two more players to talk to," he assured her. "We're working on it."
"Ok. But if you ever stop being ok with it..."
Shane nodded. "I know. I'll say something if they go too far. Whoever it is."
She shook her head fondly. "You know, a few years ago, you'd be an anxious mess about this."
"There's not much to be anxious over," he said. "Everything's out there, now. No more secrets with Ilya. No more accusations of me cheating, if we're on the same team. And I've said what I've said. Would I say it in mixed company? No. But..." He let out a long breath. "I'm not worried about it. Let's just put it that way."
Ilya put down the plates, came up behind his husband, and gave him a bear hug. "You have unlaxed."
When Ilya lifted him off the ground, Shane wiggled just enough that Ilya put him back down. "Alright, alright. I've relaxed."
"It's a lot," his mother told him. "I'm proud of you."
Shane smiled, mostly to himself, as he grabbed the last of the silverware. He'd made a lot of changes lately. And he had to admit... he liked them. "Can we get this cleaned up?"
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
To former teammate Hayden Pike: I heard the fire alarm went off in the locker room tonight. Pike: Yeah. False alarm. Hollander: Kind of like your playoff hopes.
=>Metros 5 Evah @Metros5Evah
I didn't know Hollander was a Mean Girl. He wasn't like that when he was here. I blame Rozanov.
=>Cens Go Go Dancer @CensGoGo
You're mad at the standings, not mad at Hollander. Take it up with the Metros, Friend.
=>Metros 5 Evah @Metros5Evah
Oh, I'm mad at Hollander, too. Don't worry. He left over a piece of ass.
=>Cens Go Go Dancer @CensGoGo
You wouldn't know true love if it bit you.
=>Metros 5 Evah @Metros5Evah
Don't talk to me. If the Metros win the next 4, they can make it to the playoffs.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
👀
=>Metros 5 Evah @Metros5Evah
Why is this happening to me?
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
To Pike at the bar after the game: What're you doing since your summer is starting early this year? Pike: F*ck you, man. Hollander: You know I'm not in an open marriage, Hayden.
=>Puck the Magic Dragon @PuckMagicDrag
See? They're friends. It's fine.
=>Shayden @ShaydenTruth
They used to be more.
=>Puck the Magic Dragon @PuckMagicDrag
There they are. Was wondering when they'd show up. Just waiting for...
=>Hollanov Confirmed! @HollanovLives
So much delusion in this thread.
=>Puck the Magic Dragon @PuckMagicDrag
Yup. Now everybody's here.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
Shane Hollander enters the chat
=>Puck the Magic Dragon @PuckMagicDrag
Well...now they are, I guess.
***
After lunch at Troy's house, he and Shane were watching Anya and Chiron run free on the land, chasing each other and having a grand time from the porch, hands in pockets as the wind whipped by them.
Shane decided he'd better just go for it. "Hey, Troy?" He didn't even look his friend's way.
"Yeah?" Troy didn't so much as glance at him, either. They'd reached that point in their friendship.
"I'm not mad or anything. But do you run that Twitter account?" The only Twitter account anyone in his circle was talking about lately. Even after Ilya started a war with a former teammate over doughnuts.
"Nope," Troy said, popping the P.
"Didn't think so. Had to ask."
"Sure," Troy said. "Harris has been eyeing me up lately, I guess wondering if it's me."
"Sorry. You did make the list." And Shane was sorry, for real. This was turning into a thing, and he hadn't intended it to. Well, only one more person to talk to.
Troy chuckled. "There's a list? I guess there has to be. The public's been trying to deduce who the account is run by based on half-facts and a bunch of dumb photos. And half the team thinks the other half is in on it, and the other half blames Roz."
Shane wiped a hand over his mouth, trying to hide his smile. "I think that's three halves."
"Shut up."
"A fraction is like a decimal, in that--"
"No, really. Shut up."
They both started laughing.
Troy did finally look at him. "You know, you were wound so tight when you first got here, I thought you'd snap. You didn't say anything that wasn't media-ready to anyone but Rozanov and you froze every time someone chirped you. I like seeing you relaxed like this. Giving as good as you get."
"Yeah. In Montreal... things were rough the last few months. I brought a lot of that with me. It took me a while to get over it. I really should thank you and all the guys, really. For giving me the space to sort of come out of it."
"And you're really not mad about that account?"
Shane gestured, his hands still in his coat pockets. "Nah. What's there to be mad about? If I didn't want it repeated, I probably shouldn't have said it in public. I could have been nicer to Wyatt, though."
"Wyatt's sore you were right. He's also sore that you were funny and that it blew up. That's all. He'll get over it next time he goes viral on his own."
"He needs to get Lisa to film another one of his Lord of the Rings rants. Except I think everyone's laughing at him. Not with him."
They chuckled again. Those rants always did really well on Instagram. Apparently that's where the geeks hung out.
Shane wondered if he should start an Instagram account.
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
Hollander has an Instagram account for 24 hours. Immediately chirps photo of husband's car. "Easily the ugliest of your vehicles. Put it in the garage so I don't have to look at it." Rozanov has made no comment at this time.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
He blocked me.
=>Metros 5 Evah @Metros5Evah
Good.
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
Hollander in Pittsburgh bar, commenting on teammate's drink choice: "Rolling Rock. Ahh yes. The club soda of beers."
=>Frenetic Fran @MHLFrenzy
Rolling Rock is to beer as LaCroix is to fruity drinks.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
Rolling Rock sat near a beer once. LaCroix once stared longingly at a piece of fruit.
=>Frenetic Fran @MHLFrenzy
Printing this tweet and reply.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
Make sure it's above 600 dpi.
=>Frenetic Fran @MHLFrenzy
🫡
***
Once they were at cruising altitude, Shane got out of his seat and went back to talk to Haas. He sat down across the aisle and turned to him.
Haas was watching a movie and didn't see him right away, but he waited.
When the younger man noticed, he turned, practically jumping out of his skin. "I didn't do it!" he said loudly, yanking his earphones off his head. "I swear! I didn't even tell anyone about you jumping out in front of Wieb and scaring him scaring him shitless. I don't know how it ended up online!" Luca was panting like he'd just hopped off the treadmill mid-run.
Shane chuckled. "It's ok, it's ok. I know it wasn't you."
Haas stared at him blankly. "You know? Why did you--I thought--"
"I know who it is, and it isn't you."
"How?"
"You jumping out of your skin." He put a hand on the young man's arm. "Calm down. I believe you." He felt bad for freaking the kid out.
Luca began drawing in ragged breaths and blowing them out through pursed lips."Ok. Ok. Good. Ok."
Shane recognized the signs of a panic attack and instantly felt bad. "It's ok. Calm down."
Which only make the kid’s eyes bulge.
Well, that hadn't worked.
Then again, when had anyone telling him to calm down ever stopped one of his panic attacks?
God... Shane was a little bit terrible. He'd been going through the motions of this investigation just so Harris wouldn't look into it further. Now he'd freaked a good kid out. "Luca... look at me. Just take a moment, ok?" He drew in a deep breath. "In for four, hold for four, out for four." He demonstrated, breathing in through his nose, holding it, then letting out through his mouth. Over the years, Shane had become an expert.
Funny... he hadn't had a panic attack in a long time. He was having trouble remembering how long it had been.
They both took in a deep breath, held it and let it out in unison. After a few minutes, Luca looked less like he was going to die.
Shane leaned in when he noticed Luca starting to breathe evenly. "Better?"
"Yeah. If... if it's not me..." there was something strangely suspicious in how the kid said it. "Who is it?"
Shane considered him for a minute. "Luca... what have you done?"
Luca blushed. "Nothing. It isn't me. I didn't make the tweets."
No, but the tweets had broken containment awful quickly. "Where are you reposting them to?" Shane asked, still eyeing up his teammate.
The blush went from Luca's cheeks to his neck, ears and forehead. "Tumblr?"
Shane sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"I'll stop!"
That made Shane pause as he thought it over. "Are the posts doing well?"
Luca nodded slowly. "A hundred thousand, easy."
"You know what? Keep doing that. You have my blessing." He gave the younger player a pat on the leg. "Now don't worry. Everything's fine."
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
To opposing center glowering at him: "I'd be more intimidated if your knuckles didn't drag. Increases wind resistance."
=>Puck the Magic Dragon @PuckMagicDrag
That wasn't even that mean. Everyone keeps saying he's a Mean Girl.
=>Prince Hockey @HockeyPants
The meaner it is, the more I like it. Screw the scores. I now have this.
=>Metros 5 Evah @Metros5Evah
Yeah, who cares about actual hockey when some has-been can say stupid shit and get attention for it.
=>Prince Hockey @HockeyPants
Is someone mad he said it to a Metro? He's over his ex and you can't stand it.
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
To ref in Boston: He bruised his own ass. I only bruised his ego.
=>Elsa R. @IceQueenERoberts
He barely touched the guy.
=>Build-a-Bear @Frankenbear
He still touched him.
=>Elsa R. @IceQueenERoberts
It was legal.
=>Build-a-Bear @Frankenbear
Ref didn't think so.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
I think I also got his pride. And possibly his girlfriend.
***
Media reminders were issued. Rules for tweeting "about fellow players" were re-sent to everyone. The tweets continued. None ever really crossed a line. If anything, Shane's replies were the thing coming up to the line in most cases.
At one point, Harris told him to just think about what he'd tell Roz in similar circumstances, then do that.
Harris thought about it for a moment, then mentioned how Rozanov had been lying low on the socials lately, except for all of the photos on Instagram that Shane couldn't see as his husband had yet to unblock him.
Shane laughed it off and promised to not do anything that would, in other circumstances, get Ilya in trouble.
Coming out of Harris' office, Ilya met him in the hall. "Everything ok?" Ilya asked cautiously.
"Yeah. Why?"
"You got called into the principal's office. Again."
"Apparently my replies are skirting a line," Shane said with a small frown. "It'll be fine. I'll be a little more cautious."
"Yes," Ilya said as they headed toward one of the lower levels. "Be more cautious."
Something lurched in Shane's stomach and he stopped walking.
Ilya stopped too. "I just mean. There is no need to get into trouble."
Shane looked him over. "I won't. I don't even need to reply. I just enjoy seeing people's faces melt off."
The grin that spread across Ilya's face was like sunshine. "Now you get it."
"Get what?"
Ilya took his hand, even though it was technically PDA in the workplace. "Why being an asshole is fun."
"I'm not an asshole."
Holding his finger and thumb a millimeter apart in front of Shane's face, he made a tiny noise. "Maybe a little one."
"Ok, maybe a little one. But just for fun."
Ilya frowned. "I am an asshole for fun. You are stealing my thing." Ilya sighed. "I guess I can share."
Shane patted his cheek roughly. "Good of you."
Ilya squinted at him.
Shane didn't like the scrutiny. "What?"
"Why did you start the account?"
"Instagram? To annoy you, mostly. Thanks for taking away my fun."
Ilya wagged a finger in front of his face. "Not that one."
"What one are we talking about?"
Booping his nose, Ilya said, "uh, uh, uh. You know which one."
Looking around, Shane didn't see anyone. A slow grin spread across his face. "How long?"
"You spend too long in the bathroom in the middle of the night."
"Oh."
"Either you need more fiber or you are doing a Shitter Twitter." Ilya smirked. "And your diet is perfect. You do not need more fiber. You can schedule posts, you know. Use the browser, not the app."
Shane gave the smallest of shrugs. "I haven't really done a lot on social media until now. The details might have escaped me."
"So why did you do it?"
"It was fun?" It was more than that. But that seemed like the simplest explanation.
"You do not do anything on a whim."
One of the trainers opened up a door behind them, and they stepped apart from each other to let him through.
"We will talk about this at home," Ilya said lightly, but Shane could tell wanting to know was kidding him.
***
Sh*t Hollander Says @ShtHollSez
"Professor Oak can't be Ash's dad. Ash is an android." Hayes may have actually started crying.
=>Pucky Barnes @PuckyBarnes
Somebody broke Hollander.
=>Prince Hockey @HockeyPants
Hold up. Let the man speak. Why is Ash an android?
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
Because that show was on for 26 seasons and Ash was still 10 years old at the end. Obviously he's an android.
=>Ash Ketchum @PokeMasterAshton
You've convinced me. Ash is an android.
=>Wyatt Hayes @WyattHayes
ASH IS NOT AN ANDROID. AT MOST HE IS A CYBORG. WHY DO YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS? ALSO IF HE IS A CYBORG, PROFESSOR OAK BUILT HIM.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
Still not his dad.
=>Wyatt Hayes @WyattHayes
Why am I fighting about Pokemon with a guy who stopped playing in 2006? I feel like I am going insane right now.
=>Shane Hollander @HollanderShane
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are. -Bukaroo Bonzai
***
They were in bed and Shane was almost asleep before Ilya brought it up again. Shane almost thought he’d escape without a conversation about it. "So. The account."
Shane turned onto his side, facing his husband. "I don't know. I had a few one-liners I felt were wasted."
"But you started a whole account for it?" Ilya also turned, propping his head up on his hand.
"I felt like my reputation was gone after the tripping thing. Especially after a few of my former teammates anonymously told the press what they thought of me."
"You never wanted to be a golden boy," Ilya pointed out.
"Yeah. It was stifling. I had to live up to that. I couldn't say anything even remotely..."
"Funny?"
"Risky."
He could feel Ilya smiling in the dark. "Oh, New Hollander takes risks now?"
"Yeah. I guess. The whole account was a risk, in a way. Maybe a way to build a new reputation. Are you mad?"
Ilya's forearm came to rest on his hip, and fingers along his lower back. "That everybody gets to see you? SEE you-see you? And it's not just your friends that know you are clever? No. Mad that you have more followers than me? Yes."
Shane let out a breath that had a bit of a laugh on the back end. "Alright."
"The account is good. I think it means... maybe you are over some stuff."
"Yeah?"
"You are definitely over Montreal."
"I think so," Shane confirmed.
Ilya inched closer. "And over being tense every minute of every day."
"It's easier, here. The expectations are different."
"No. They still want a Cup. You just care about their opinions less."Ilya's lips brushed Shane's, then he pulled back slightly. "Is very hot."
"Me caring less is very hot?" But Shane moved in closer and caught Ilya's lip in his, tugging slightly. "Tell me more," he whispered when he let go.
Ilya hummed with pleasure. "The day you cracked your first joke with the team. Was like watching you fly out of the nest. Before that? I thought you would be bound up forever."
"It was good. Moving. It... let me be someone else."
"You are definitely not someone else. I think you are more you." Ilya kissed him again, slowly.
When they broke apart, Shane did smile. "Yeah?"
"An asshole," Ilya whispered as his hands started to drift.
"You like it when I'm an asshole?" Shane breathed.
"Oh yes."
THE END