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“Grey.”
Buck’s face heats up with embarrassment. That’s not what he’d meant to say, not how he’d meant to greet his ex-boyfriend after not seeing him for over a year. Buck has never been smooth around Tommy. The very sight of him twists Buck’s tongue and makes him stumble over his own feet like a teenager, even now. Even after everything.
Tommy raises an eyebrow, amused. Buck doesn’t give him a chance to charge up whatever sarcastic comment he sees forming behind his eyes.
“Sorry, I mean, hey. Uh, hey, your- you have a lot more grey in, uh, in your beard.”
It’s true, to be fair. Buck can’t keep his eyes off the way the silver hairs sparkle in the midmorning sunlight. He can’t keep his eyes off of Tommy’s face, his shoulders, his neck. There are little shaving nicks by the hinge of his jaw that must be from days ago, judging by the length of his stubble. Tommy usually lets it grow while he’s off duty and shaves just before a shift. He said a clean shave was part of the uniform, always rubbed his knuckles over Buck’s ever-present stubble in joking admonition. Buck wants him to do it again now, wants him to put those strong hands back on him and never let go. Except-
“And you have a toddler.”
For the first time since he spotted Tommy at the next stall over, Buck remembers where he is: at the farmer’s market in his new neighborhood, with Theo.
“Ah, yeah, that’s uh- that’s an interesting story, actually-”
“Buck!” Theo calls from his stroller. “Can I eat the bug?”
Buck has a slight moment of panic, redirecting his attention. He’d given Theo a container of ripe cherry tomatoes to snack on while he shopped. Sure enough, a big fly has landed on the tomato grasped in Theo’s little fist. Theo’s eyes are wide as he watches the fly walk around the circumference of the tomato.
“That's a no, bud. Thank you for asking me first. Good remembering. No, we don’t eat bugs.”
“Want to,” Theo argues.
He’s so much like Buck was as a kid that Buck still wants to cry sometimes.
“Hey, I get that, for sure. But sometimes bugs can make you sick, so we say no.”
Theo pouts, still looking at the fly. “Okay,” he agrees sadly.
The fly takes off before Buck has to decide whether to shoo it away. Immediately, Theo shoves the tomato into his mouth. Buck cringes. He can’t win them all. He’d learned that with Chris, then with Jee-Yun and Nash, and he’s learning it all over again with Theo.
“He’s a cute kid,” Tommy says, watching this all unfold with a genuine smile. “Are you babysitting?”
“No, I’m fostering, actually. He needed someone and I just- I couldn’t walk away from him.”
Tommy nods, crossing his arms over his chest. “Hey, that’s great. You’re good with kids. I always figured you wanted them. Hell, if I didn't know better, I’d think he was your kid. He looks so much like you.”
Tommy says it lightly, jokingly, but Buck freezes. Then Tommy does too. His mouth falls open as he sucks in a surprised breath.
“Evan-”
“No,” Buck says firmly. “This, uh, this is not the place for that. Too many ears. And it’s a long story.”
Buck looks between Theo and Tommy, hoping that Tommy will get the message. Too many ears—two too many small ears. Theo doesn’t seem like he’s paying attention, too wrapped up squishing tomato seeds between his fingers, but still. Buck isn’t ready to tell him, and he definitely doesn’t want Theo to find out from overhearing a conversation like this. They’re years away from a real discussion. Buck is determined to do it right.
Tommy nods again. He looks down at Theo intently, like he’s studying him. Tommy’s look of surprise is slowly replaced by determination. He rocks back on his heels and tightens his arms around himself.
“I’d listen,” Tommy says. It looks like it physically pains him to say it, to stay still long enough to say something so vulnerable. “If you wanted to tell me that long, interesting story, I’d listen.”
Buck blinks. Tommy’s beard is almost fully grey. The skin around his jaw is a little looser than it was that morning in Eddie’s kitchen, that night under Buck’s teeth. Tommy is noticeably older than he was a year ago. And he isn’t running.
“Yeah?” Buck asks.
“Yeah.”
“Even though it’s been over a year since we’ve seen each other? And my life has gotten, uh, more complicated?”
Tommy shrugs. He looks down and presses his lips together in a tight smile, like he’s trying to clamp down a surge of happiness.
“Evan, I don’t think there’s a moment I’ve known you when your life wasn’t complicated.”
Buck laughs and it causes Tommy’s smile to come out in full force, crinkling his eyes in that way that took Buck’s breath away the first time he saw it.
“Yeah, that’s fair,” Buck says.
“I think that’s generous, actually,” Tommy teases. “You know, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who has made me even come close to believing in curses.”
Buck’s cheeks hurt from smiling. He can’t believe his luck. He can’t believe Tommy still wants him. Maybe there’s a reason he’d never quite been able to get over Tommy. Right now, standing in front of him again, Buck feels like no time has passed at all. The opportunity to pick back up—even if it’s not quite where they left off—is within his grasp. All he has to do is reach out and take it.
“Yeah, okay. Any chance you’re free on Saturday?”
“Saturday’s great.”
“Great.” Buck grins. “I’ll text you my new address. Theo goes down at eight. Well, I try to put him to bed at seven, but, you know.”
“Toddlers,” Tommy nods seriously.
“Toddlers,” Buck agrees with a sigh. He can’t stop smiling.
A moment passes where they just look at each other, take each other in. Buck would stand here in silence with Tommy for another year if that’s what it took, but he knows that Theo will start to get cranky soon if they don’t keep moving. Buck’s life isn’t about himself anymore.
“Well, listen,” Buck says. “I should get him back home. I’ll text you about Saturday.”
“Can't wait.”
Buck can’t either. His life isn’t about himself anymore, but he can still steal back moments here and there. He takes a step towards Tommy, and when Tommy doesn’t move away, he takes another. He keeps his eyes locked on Tommy’s until he’s close enough to wrap his arms around him. Tommy’s strong arms hold Buck close. Warm, safe, happy, Buck melts into it. Tommy clings like a desperate man.
“I’ve really missed you,” Buck says into Tommy's shoulder. His heart aches as he hears the words come out of his mouth. He hasn’t said it out loud in a long time, but he never stopped feeling it.
Tommy squeezes him tighter. “Me too. I’ve missed you so much, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think… After what you said, I thought you were done with me.”
“Yeah, that’s- that’s fair. But I didn’t mean it. I was just mad and it came out wrong. I’m sorry too.” Tears sting at the corners of Buck’s eyes. He squeezes Tommy harder, just once, then pulls back and gets a hand on Theo’s stroller again. “Saturday.”
“Saturday.” Tommy nods. His eyes are watery too.
He gives a little wave as Buck walks away reluctantly, pushing Theo’s stroller. Buck waves back.
On their walk to the car, Theo pretends that he’s a dinosaur, and he roars while eating the tomatoes. Buck loves it. He loves Theo, he loves that he gets to be part of his life. He needs to tell Tommy that on Saturday. He’s not sure how much time he has to date right now. Theo is his number one priority, especially while he’s still only fostering. He can’t do anything to jeopardize the adoption he hopes is in his future.
He thinks that Tommy will understand. Maybe it’ll even make their relationship stronger. They’ll have to go slower, spend more time talking instead of fucking. They’ll have to lay out their longterm goals and hopes for the future. If Tommy wants to be part of Buck’s life, he’ll have to be part of Theo’s, too. And if he wants that, he’ll have to be sure he’s sticking around this time. Buck won’t let Theo lose another parental figure so young.
But Buck is getting ahead of himself. Right now, he needs to get his kid and his groceries home safe. He needs to make lunch and let Theo run around in the backyard to tire himself out enough for a nap. He needs to do laundry (how do kids generate so much laundry?) and get ahead of the dishes before his next shift.
He’ll see Tommy on Saturday. He bursts out in a grin just thinking about it. He’ll see Tommy on Saturday.