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When Eddie wakes up all he sees are white walls. He moves his arm to cover a little below his abdomen. He was just stabbed, but…it doesn’t feel like it. In fact, it doesn’t hurt at all, and he doesn’t feel any bandages or anything.
The hospital room door opens and Buck walks in. He’s not wearing the same thing that he wore last time he saw him, so he guesses that when he fell asleep, Buck took Chris and Pepa home. Though, Eddie doesn’t even remember falling asleep.
“Hey, you’re up. How are you feeling?” Buck asks, pulling up the chair next to the bed. Making it so he’s as close to Eddie as possible. He leans over and kisses Eddie on his head.
Eddie doesn't even think twice about it. He’s still a little fuzzy, he just leans into the kiss. It’s something they’ve never done before but it’s almost…familiar.
“Good, but hey, did they dress my wound?” Eddie puts his hand on his stomach again. “I don’t feel anything, that doesn’t make sense.”
“Why are you holding your stomach? You fell on your back and hit your head.” Buck runs his hands through his hair. Eddie sinks into that too. “You sure you’re alright?”
Eddie’s eyebrows furrow, “Yeah, I’m fine. What do you mean my back and my head? I got stabbed, Buck. Are you joking? Because I’m failing to see the humor.” Eddie does feel pain in his lower back, but he thought it was because of the knife wound.
Buck’s eyebrows furrow as well, he scoots closer, which Eddie thought wasn’t possible, “Eddie, What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Buck, what?”
“Just—please, Eddie, just tell me.”
“I was bleeding out in an elevator, it’s a little blurry after that but I remember you, Chris and Pepa sitting with me after the fact.”
“And that’s all?” Buck asks, getting a nod from Eddie in response. “Okay.” Buck clears his throat, “I’ll be right back, just gonna go get the doctor.”
“Okay…”
Then Eddie is left alone in the hospital room. Now that he’s really taking in the sight room…it looks different from the one he was in earlier. Odd. The weight on his chest also feels a little heavier too.
About a minute or two later, Buck and a doctor walk in. The doctor asks him what he remembers last and he tells her exactly what he told Buck.
She—Dr. MacNamara—does a couple of brain scans on Eddie to get to the root of the issue.
“Okay, looks like, due to the head trauma and concussion, you’ve developed TGA, or in other words, temporary amnesia.” She says, when they arrive back in the room.
“What?” Eddie runs a hand through his hair, not noticing the band of metal around his ring finger. “How much am I missing?”
Dr. MacNamara looks at Buck, causing Eddie to look at him too. Eddie takes him in, noticing the distraught look on his face and also the band of metal around his finger. “About a year.”
“A year?” Eddie rasps. “Will—I’m going to remember right? You said temporary.” Eddie turns to the doctor.
Dr. MacNamara nods, “Yes, you should be getting little slips of memory from time to time, you’re probably more likely to get them around family and friends.”
“And how long until he gets it all back?” Buck asks.
“It varies. It could be a day. A week is usually the longest it’ll be.”
“Usually? What do you mean usually?” Buck questions.
“Sometimes it can take longer, and sometimes not everything comes back.” Both their eyes widen, “Though, that is a very rare case and based on your scans I don’t think that’s the case here.”
The scans took so long to do. It was about 8:00 pm when he went in for the scans and they made it back to the room at 10:00 pm. He doesn't know if the doctor isn’t telling him everything or if he’s just being paranoid. Maybe she was just being thorough.
“Okay…” Eddie whispers.
Dr. MacNamara closes her folder, “I’ll give you too some privacy.” She walks out the room.
“Eddie…”
“Can you give me a quick recap? Things that you think are important for me to know?”
“Are you sure? I thought the memories are supposed to come to you.”
“Buck please.” Eddie pleads.
Buck nods, “Okay, um. Athena made the switch to detective. May’s interning as a nurse. Um…Chris just started his junior year. And…I adopted Theo. He’s in kindergarten now.”
Eddie blinks at him, “Okay, uh wow. That’s—that’s a lot.” Eddie lets out a breath. Chris is in his junior year. Buck adopted Theo. Buck has a kid. He can’t believe he’s missing a year. “Is there anything else?”
“Well…yeah, but I don’t want to overwhelm you. The memories are supposed to come back to you.”
“So, there’s nothing else that’s important? Nothing else you think I need to know?” Eddie saw the ring. Why didn't Buck say anything about being married?
“Um…we live together.” Buck shrugs, like there’s more to it than just living together.
Not the answer that Eddie was expecting. How do they live together if Buck’s married? How big is their house?
“We live together? How many rooms are there? And where are the kids?” Eddie asks, since their parents are currently in a hospital room.
“Four, Chris and Theo have their own rooms, and they better be asleep in said rooms since they both have school in the morning.”
So, he and Buck have their own rooms too. Buck and his mystery significant other must share a room. Why does Eddie feel animosity towards a person he doesn’t even know? He should be happy that his best friend found love.
“You’re married.” Eddie blurts out.
“I—yeah, I’m married.”
“You don’t think that’s something I need to know?”
“Well, I—”
“Who?”
“I think we should let your memory answer that for you.”
“Buck.”
“Eddie.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, “Just tell me.”
“You need to try and remember things on your own.”
“And I will, later. Just tell me who you’re married to. You must really love them if you decided to get married in the span of a year.”
“I do love him.” Buck smiles, and it warms Eddie’s heart. Only for a little while because he remembers that Buck’s smile isn’t because of him.
“So, it's a man.” Eddie notes. “Do I know him?”
Buck lets out a huff of air and smirks, “Yeah. Yeah, you know him.”
Eddie doesn’t know a lot of men that Buck also knows other than Chim, who’s already out, since he’s married to Buck’s sister. Ravi is also out, he’s dating Buck’s other sister. Harry, Buck’s brother, so he’s out. And that’s really all the men that they both know who still live in LA.
Well, there’s…Tommy Kinard. But Buck wouldn’t go back to him, right? Let alone marry him. But who else is there?
Fuck. It has to be him. Eddie rolls his eyes in his head.
“When can I go home?” Eddie asks, looking forward at nothing.
Home. Where Tommy Kinard lives with him, Buck, and their kids. Does Buck not think that’s weird? Does Eddie even want to go home?
Buck stands up, “I’ll go ask, be right back.”
Eddie closes his eyes, trying to force the memories to come back. It doesn’t work. His eyes open again, hearing the sound door.
“They don’t have any other tests or scans to do. We can leave now.”
“Okay.”
Buck helps Eddie off the bed and onto the ground. He turns Eddie around, untying the hospital gown, leaving him in just his underwear.
It makes Eddie’s shiver, his heart stutters. The cool air hitting his bare skin and Buck taking this initiative, him caring for him like this. It’s different, but it doesn’t feel new. It feels like something they’ve done before.
Of course they’ve helped each other change before, due to injuries, but they way Buck didn’t even say anything, he just went straight for it makes this time feel more charged.
Why is Buck even doing this right now? He’s married. Eddie wonders how Buck’s husband would feel about this.
“Sorry.” Buck whispers, seeing the chills Eddie got. He grabs a change of clothes out of the duffle bag that was sitting on the couch. He knew Eddie would want to get out of the hospital clothes as soon as possible.
Eddie looks at his chest, finally seeing why it felt a little heavier. There’s another medallion. Eddie holds it between his thumb and index finger. St. Theodore. Eddie wishes that he could remember so badly.
Buck crouches down, guiding Eddie’s legs through each of the sweatpants leg holes one at a time. Then pulling them up to his waist and pulling the string a bit to make them fit a little better.
“They’re a little big.” Eddie says. The first words that were spoken in a while.
“They’re mine. You’ve made a habit of wearing my clothes in the past year. Claiming that they’re more comfortable.” He makes hand quotations on the word comfortable.
Eddie runs a hand on one of his thighs, “They are pretty comfortable.”
Buck laughs, fetching one of his T-shirts and pulling over Eddie’s head, putting both his arms through the holes. Whispering apologies when Eddie would wince.
After Buck finishes changing Eddie, they walk down to the parking garage, they get in Eddie’s truck, and Buck starts to drive home.
It feels so weird. He’s driving through familiar streets, expecting Buck to turn down the street to head to South Bedford but he doesn’t, because he doesn't live there anymore.
“Do you know when I can go back to work?” Eddie asks.
“This morning the doctor said not for a week, and when you do go back you have to be on light duty for another week, so you won’t delay your healing.”
Eddie nods, “How’s Chris and Theo? Like how’s life been? And do we all get along? Like—”
“Eds.” Buck reaches one hand over and places it on Eddie’s thigh, driving with one hand. He looks so…good? Eddie doesn’t remember ever feeling attracted to Buck, but he’s feeling something. Maybe it’s just the head injury.
Buck continues, “We get along fine—great even. Theo follows Chris around like a lost puppy. He wants to be just like his big brother. And Theo loves you. So much. You’re definitely his favorite person. After Chris of course.”
“Of course.” Eddie smiles. A year, a year without his son, without Theo, Buck, their whole family. And Theo loves him. Eddie can’t help but love him too. A boy he barely knows. A boy who thinks of his son as his big brother. So, what does that make Eddie?
Scared.
That’s what he is. The truck slows down as they pull up to an unfamiliar house. Buck’s hand is still on his thigh.
“Eddie. You okay?” Buck asks.
“Yeah, just tired.” He lies.
“Come on.” Buck gets out, walks around the truck, and opens Eddie’s door.
When they get in the house it’s an open floor plan. You can see the kitchen from the living room and vice versa. There’s a glass sliding door, showcasing the patio and the spacious backyard. Buck walks over and shuts the curtains and makes sure the door is locked, it is.
“I told them to lock the door and shut the curtains.” Buck chastises. “Come on.”
Eddie follows Buck down a hall, he opens a door. Inside Theo is sound asleep in his bed. There are toys all around the floor. Buck walks in, trying not to make a lot of noise and dodging the things on the ground. Buck leans down and presses a kiss on Theo’s head, looks up and waves Eddie in.
Eddie follows Buck leads in moving around the toys until he gets to the bed beside Buck. “What am I doing?” Eddie asks.
“Our night routine. When we get home late and the boys are already sleeping, we usually come and give them a kiss on their head”
“Oh.” Eddie runs a hand through Theo’s hair, and it feels like something he’s done hundreds of times before. He leans down and presses a kiss to his head, his eyes getting watery. He blinks them away before Buck can see. The weight of the second medallion feels like it’s piercing his chest. It feels way heavier than before.
They leave Theo’s room and go to Christopher’s, doing the same thing, except there aren’t any mini booby traps on the ground. When Eddie kisses Chris’ head, his eyes begin to fill again, he blinks them away once more.
They leave the room and walk into what he thinks is his own room, but he’s not sure since there are a lot of Buck’s things in here as well. Buck guides him to the bed, making him sit on the right side.
“Shirt on or off?” Buck asks, fiddling with the hem of Eddie’s shirt.
Eddie does like sleeping without a shirt on most nights, though he doesn’t know how Buck remembers that.
“Eddie?” Buck asks again.
“Sorry. Off please.”
Buck pulls the shirt over Eddie, trying to be as careful as possible. “You okay?”
“I’m missing a year of time, Buck.” Eddie scoffs.
“Right, sorry.” Buck takes the shirt, walks over to the hamper and tosses it in there.
“No, I’m sorry. I just—this is so weird. I feel like I don’t know who I am. I feel like I’m in another body. Like I don’t belong here, like I’m just taking up space.”
“Eddie.” Buck sits next to him. “You are who you’ve always been. My best friend. Christopher’s dad. Theo’s favorite person. My favorite person.” Right, what about your husband? Eddie thinks.
Eddie moves closer, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck, holding him like he’ll disappear. “I feel like I’m in someone else’s place…” Eddie whispers.
“You’re not. You’re still you. And you belong here. With me and our kids. You’re ours. You’re mine.”
Our kids.
You’re mine.
Eddie leans out of the hug and looks into Buck’s eyes. His gaze can’t help but to drift down to his lips. Eddie moves forward without realizing it. His lips moving against Buck’s, Buck’s lips moving too, just slightly, hesitantly. Eddie kisses Buck like he’s been starving for it. Like he’s his to kiss.
But Buck is married.
Eddie just made Buck a cheater. Eddie moves away quicker than he moved forward.
“Oh.” Buck says oh so softly.
“Buck, I am so sorry. I don’t—I didn’t—”
“Eddie, it’s okay.”
“No, Buck, it’s not okay. I—you’re married.”
Buck lets out a laugh and smiles? Like actually smiles. What’s so funny? Eddie loves Buck’s smile, and his laugh, but is it the time for both to be making an appearance?
“Eddie, I promise you it’s okay. Why don’t we just go to sleep and when you wake up, you’ll have some of your memories.”
Eddie blinks at him. How can he be so calm about this?
Buck guides Eddie under the covers, then moves to get on the other side of the bed. Once he gets under the covers he places a hand over Eddie’s heart.
“Buck?”
“Yeah, Eds?”
“When did I get the St. Theodore medallion?” He asks, fiddling with both the circles hanging from the chain around his neck.
“I actually don’t know exactly when you got it.” Buck scoots closer, “I saw it while we were changing in the locker room on shift. I didn’t even know what saint it was let alone who it was for until, like a week later.”
“I didn’t tell you?” Eddie looks over at him, half his face smushed into the pillow.
“You did, a week later, and only after I asked. You made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, but it was, to both of us.” Buck rubs his hand over Eddie’s chest. “Tired?”
Eddie nods and covers Buck’s hand with his own and lets himself fall asleep.
Eddie wakes up on a mattress on the floor. Buck laying sprawled on top of him. Eddie watches Buck sleep for a couple minutes until he wakes up.
Buck looks up and smiles at him, nuzzling into his neck, “Good morning.” Buck says, his voice sending vibrations through Eddie’s body.
“Hey, sleep well?”
“Very, which is surprising because we’re on a mattress on the floor.”
“Mmm.” Eddie pulls Buck in closer.
They stay like that for a while before hearing a distant crash.
“Theo!” Chris yells.
“I’m sorry!” Theo yells back.
Buck moves back a little and gives Eddie a look that says, ‘Should we step in?’ Eddie moves his head in a so-so manner, saying, ‘No, they’ll figure it out.’ Buck moves back into Eddie’s space. Eddie holds him tighter than before.
When Eddie wakes up, he notices that he’s not on the floor, so he must have been dreaming…or…
Could that have been a memory?
Eddie looks over at Buck, he still sound asleep. His arms folded underneath his pillow, he’s facing Eddie.
Eddie doesn’t want to wake him up and give him a false sense of hope if it wasn’t a memory, if it was just a dream.
At 6:00 am Buck’s alarm goes off. Buck wakes slowly, turning around to turn on the alarm sound blaring from his phone. He turns back around to face Eddie.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Um…”
“Eds, what happened.”
“Um… When—when we first moved in, did we sleep on a mattress on the floor?”
Eddie watches Buck’s eyes widen, “Yeah…”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, Eddie. Yes!” Buck rises up from his laying position. He pulls Eddie in, trying not to move him too much, because he’s still healing.
“Really?” Eddie whispers.
“Yeah, we only got around to building Chris and Theo’s bed. Uh, do—do you remember anything else?” Buck moves back.
“Did Theo and Chris get into a disagreement?”
“Yes! Theo accidentally knocked over one of Chris’ LEGO sets, one that he was in the process of building. They got over it pretty fast though, and Chris even let him help rebuild it.”
“I wish I could remember it all.”
“You will.” Buck stands, “I’m gonna go get started on breakfast. We can wake the boys at 6:30.”
“Wait, I’m coming too.” Eddie stands as well and follows Buck into the kitchen.
Eddie watches Buck as he prepares breakfast, talking about their plans for the day. Plans that consist of taking the boys to school, doing laundry and relaxing.
Apparently, Chimney gave Buck a week off because, ‘I know how you guys get when you’re not on shift together.’ Whatever that means.
Just as Buck gets done with the pancakes, Buck’s timer goes off. He looks up at Eddie.
“Hey, you wanna wake the boys up?” He asks as he starts making the eggs. “Well, just Theo, Chris can get up and get ready on his own.
Eddie doesn’t want to. He feels like he doesn’t really know them. Yeah, he’s only missing a year with Chris but Theo? That’s basically the entire time that they’ve known each other.
Eddie rises and heads down the hall. He goes to Theo’s room first. Theo who’s already awake and playing with toys.
“Hey—”
Theo looks up, gets off the floor and rushes into Eddie’s legs, “Eddieee!”
“Good morning, buddy.” Eddie smiles and bends down to pick Theo up, his back aching in the process, but he doesn’t care. “It’s time to get ready for school. Do you want to wear anything specific?”
“Can I wear the green shirt you got me?”
“Uh…yeah.” What green shirt? “Um, can you find it for me?”
Theo nods and Eddie bends back down to put Theo on the ground again. Theo goes to his dresser, rustling through it to find the shirt. He finally pulls out a green shirt with a dinosaur in the center of it and places it on his bed.
Eddie and Theo walk to the bathroom that he and Chris share. Theo knows the routine better than Eddie, obviously.
Theo pulls out a foldable stool from behind the door and places it in front of the sink. He holds onto one of Eddie’s legs so he can climb onto the stool easily.
After Theo finishes brushing his teeth, they head back to his room. Eddie sits on Theo’s bed and tries to minimize the amount of bending he has to do as he gets Theo changed.
Once Theo’s dressed, he immediately runs to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Eddie takes a deep breath and heads to Christopher’s room. He stops at the door, and knocks.
“Come in!” Chris yells.
Eddie opens the door to find Chris already dressed, sitting on his bed. “Hey.”
“Hey dad. Are you okay?” He gives Eddie his full attention.
“Yeah… Well, as okay as I can be right now.”
“Buck says you can’t remember the past year.”
Eddie’s about to ask how he knows that, but Buck probably texted him as soon as he knew that there was something wrong. “Yeah.”
“You really don’t remember anything? That’s basically the whole time that Buck’s had Theo.”
“I know, I—uh, right now, I only remember a bit of our first morning in this house. But stuff should be coming back in increments.” Eddie nods. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.”
“You don’t remember the wedding?” Chris asks.
Buck’s wedding? “No, I don’t”
“I’m sorry dad.”
“Hey, it’s fine. It’ll come back.” Eddie places a hand on Chris’ shoulder. “Buck’s probably done with breakfast now, you want to come eat?” He changes the topic.
Breakfast goes by smoothly. Eddie’s not sure if Theo understands that he doesn’t remember everything because he keeps talking about things they’ve done, like the trip to the aquarium last weekend. Eddie’s heart breaks every time he has to tell Theo he doesn’t remember.
After taking the kids to school with Buck, Eddie spends most of the day in his bed—or Buck’s bed, he really doesn’t know. He also doesn’t know where Buck’s husband is and doesn't care to ask. Maybe he’s on vacation, somewhere far, far away.
Right now, it’s about 7:00 pm, Eddie’s scrolling through his photos—Chris’ idea. He thought that maybe it’ll help him remember something else.
Eddie remembered a few things throughout the day. He and Buck sitting on his couch, talking about the new medallion that lays on Eddie’s chest.
He remembers sitting on the patio with Chris while Theo ran around, playing in the backyard.
Theo and Jee playing with dolls, firetrucks, and whatever other toys they thought to bring out in his living room while Eddie and Maddie conversed on the couch.
Eddie comes across a picture of him, Buck, Chris and Theo. They’re at an aquarium, Theo, on Eddie’s hip and Chris next to Buck.
Eddie picks Theo up so he can see the otters better. Buck next to him with Chris on the other side of him.
“Hey, did you know that otters have the thickest fur out of every animal in the whole world.” Buck says with so much enthusiasm.
“Every animal?” Chris asks.
“Yup.”
“Does that mean that they’re very soft?” Theo questions, all fingertips pressed against the glass, leaning as forward as Eddie will let him.
“I would assume so. It would make sense, but I actually don’t know.” Buck responds.
“Buuuck, you’re supposed to know everythinggg.” Theo protests.
“I know, I know, sorry to disappoint. I promise I’ll research more, just for you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, buddy.”
That. That’s the trip that Theo was talking about this morning. Eddie’s eyes start to water. Theo’ll be so glad to know Eddie remembers it now.
Eddie sits up a little too fast, his hand immediately holding his lower back. Just his luck that Buck walks in at the exact same time.
“Lay down on your stomach.” He orders.
“What?”
“Your stomach, on the bed.” Buck walks over to one of the nightstands.
“Why?”
Buck pulls out some oil, “Massage.”
“Buck—”
“Lay down Eddie.”
Obviously, Buck isn’t gonna let this go so Eddie complies, laying down on his stomach. Buck sits on the back of Eddie’s thighs.
He dribbles a little on the middle of Eddie’s back. He starts rubbing in the center first, then spreads it all over his back.
“Okay?” Buck whispers.
“Mhm.” Eddie relaxes into the bed.
Buck’s hands move down, closer to the actual problem area. Buck applies more pressure there. Eddie responds with a sharp intake of air.
“Sorry.”
Eddie’s laid down on his stomach, Buck on the back of his thighs. Buck’s hands rubbing on his shoulders. Eddie lets out almost silent noises.
Buck’s hands continue down his back, giving him a full back massage. Eddie can feel himself drifting off to sleep.
When Buck’s done with the massage, he leans down and presses a kiss to each of Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie turns his head slightly and Buck leans over to kiss Eddie’s lips as well.
That one memory creates a domino effect. After that, it’s like he keeps remembering one thing after another. Until it’s all back.
He remembers.
He remembers everything.
His wedding. His and Buck’s wedding. Buck was never married to that other man. It was Him. Eddie is Buck’s husband.
“Buck. Buck—wait. Stop.” He turns his head.
Buck puts his hands up like he’s surrendering to Athena. “I’m sorry. Did I rub too hard?” He gets off of Eddie’s legs, sitting next to him.
Eddie turns around, “No—I remember.” His eyes gazing into Buck’s.
“What do you remember?”
“Everything.”
“Everything?”
Eddie nods, surging forward to connect his and Buck lips, breathing him in. His hands cup Buck’s jaw. He breaks the kiss, still staying close.
“You’re my husband.” He whispers.
“Yeah.” Buck smiles and nods, “Yeah, I am.”
Eddie leans in and kisses him again, pressing him into the mattress. Buck hands touching Eddie’s waist, just barely. Carefully, hesitantly, not wanting to harm him.
Eddie leans back again, his medallions dangling between them. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“That version of you still thought he was straight. I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”
“Is that all? Because I think you enjoy how jealous I was over your husband.”
“Maybe that was a plus too.” Buck smiles, “But I was also suffering. It was so hard not being able to kiss you.” Buck makes his point by giving Eddie a quick kiss. “I can’t believe you noticed my ring but not your own.”
“Yeah, but in my defense, I was recovering from a head injury.”
“Excuses, Excuses.” Buck chastises playfully.
Eddie rolls his eyes, “I love you.” Eddie whispers.
“I love you.” Buck connects their lips again.