Chapter Text
Lifted Anonymity
I: Private Reliefs
The clock on her bedside read 2:04 AM. The red numbers, the most bright color in the darkness of the room Admire Vega shared with Curren Chan, only reminded her how little sleep she was getting despite how tired she had been, but it had been more than an hour ago that she resigned herself to the fate of not getting any sleep at all this night. Her eyes were tired, heavy, and there was a slight blur to her vision that was hindered by the near darkness that engulfed everything outside the cracks in the window drapes that let out the lights from the outside in. Across the room she could make out Curren Chan’s form in her bed, her back turned to her as she was off to dream land, and for once not on her phone which was charging on her own bedside table. It wasn’t uncommon for Curren Chan to lose sleep as well as she scrolled through her phone at ungodly hours of the late night, or early morning depending on how long she did it, but every once and a while she would go to be at a reasonable time. Maybe there just wasn’t anything interesting posted at the time, Ayabe thought to herself on more than a few occasions when she found herself struck with this bout of insomnia that kept her up.
They talked about this once, how Curren Chan would stay up late looking at varying social media posts from whoever it was she followed, or, more often than not, how her own accounts were doing, while Ayabe’s cause of insomnia was…
…
Rolling her head over on her pillow, Ayabe peaked at the crack in the drapes on her side of the room, a habit she had formed over the years because she felt the most comfortable when she had a direct view of the sky, the night one in particular. It was the stars that brought her comfort, though in the city it was hard to see any with all the light pollution, and if she was lucky maybe she could catch the glimpse of one that did not turn out to be an airplane. She’s still a week away from her next outing to the mountains, when she can just take a night with only herself as she sleeps beneath the stars with only her thoughts to keep her company, but she can’t help but hope for the time to fly before then.
Considering how the last couple of hours have felt like they were stretching into eternity, it really does feel like her next camping trip won’t be for forever.
Ayabe took a deep breath and turned her eyes away from the window to focus on the ceiling above her, and like always it offered no comfort for her, it was merely a blank space that left her mind to wander to places she knew it shouldn’t go, but it would because that was simply how her brain worked.
She wouldn’t be bogged down by these kinds of thoughts, she knew that.
Ayabe took another deep breath, and her eyes lingered to her bedside table, where her own phone sat charging and face down, and she felt a shameful temptation starting to creep up through her throat. There was something she could do to keep her mind off her own thoughts, something she had done more than a few times before, to her own shame if she was being honest. She laid there for a time, merely staring at the phone, wanting to ward off the idea that was coming to mind, to try and ignore it and go back to sleep because she didn’t want to be like that. It was a struggle, but eventually she managed to win out over the horrible thoughts she was having, and she turned away from the phone, rolling onto her other side to face the wall, and tried to sleep the rest of the night away, trying to take comfort that she wouldn’t be falling for such temptation.
…
She would have never had thoughts like this.
…
Ayabe was much weaker than she would have wanted to be, but she knew that already, so reluctantly she shifted in her bed and took her phone into her hand and unlocked it. Even on the low light setting for this time, the sudden brightness caused her eyes to sting, and her blurry vision needed a moment to adjust before she could go back to her work and get to the site she needed to go. When the correct webpage was in sight her thumb hesitated over the screen, her thoughts and regrets trying to hold her back, to tell her to put the phone down and go back to sleep.
She wished she’d listen to them.
She didn’t listen to them.
Ayabe scrolled until she found something that could work, and once she did she began to type something, the words coming to her all too easily for her liking, and when her task was done she put the phone back down where she had gotten it. She didn’t slam it down, but it was a bit more forceful than what she would have liked to otherwise as she felt frustrated with herself for giving in to such temptations.
Still, as she laid there, looking at the ceiling that never offered her any solace, she couldn’t help but feel… better. More at ease, and she could feel the tiredness come down on her quickly, smothering her in a soothing weight that pressed down all around her, and for this moment she could feel the guilt wash away from her.
Ayabe fell asleep in a peaceful slumber, falling into a world where her usual fears, worries and concerns did not bother her in the slightest.
000
The hums of vibrations woke Ayabe up, and on instinct her hand reached out to grab her phone, her fingers fumbling on the screen before she slid her fingers along the screen with a practiced, familiar movement that soon ceased the vibrations. This was done with her face still buried in her pillow. Slowly she turned her head from the pleasant smothering the pillow provided her and slowly blinked her eyes as the early morning sunlight peaked through the curtain and onto her face. She felt tired, the lack of sleep having left its mark on her despite the hours she was able to steal away for herself. Grogginess and exhaustion met her, along with a dry mouth as she tried to bury herself into her pillow to try and hold onto the fleeting sensation of slumber despite the futility of her efforts. Ayabe stretched the cramps from the night out of her arms and her back before she pushed her blanket off of her and placed her feet on the carpet, mindful to keep as quiet as she could to not wake Curren Chan, before she looked back to her phone.
“Better get going…” she mumbled to herself upon seeing the time it displayed. There was plenty to do before she headed out, so after one last stretch to get out the last of the creaks in her bones she set about to get ready for the day. After she had washed and dressed in her tracksuit she packed her bag with supplies that she would need before heading back to pick up her phone.
“Mornin’ Ayabe,” Curren greeted her, eyes still glued closed with sleep.
“Morning, Curren,” Ayabe greeted back, picking her phone back and checking through it in case any messages had been left for her.
“Going out for a run?” Curren asked, fighting off a yawn. “I’d join you, but I have a day off, trainer’s instructions, so I’m going to take it easy, you know?” She raised her arms and gave herself a stretch before she reached for her own phone, quick to begin scrolling through her feeds. “But hey, if you finish up by then, you want to grab lunch?” Curren eyes flickered across her Umatter feed, seeing what had been posting in the hours she had been asleep, but despite her attention being primarily focused on this, she still waited on Ayabe to give her an answer. But she didn’t. “I heard there’s this cafe that opened up on the other side of town with lots of super cute deserts we can have! What do you think?”
Looking up, she saw her roommate’s eyes glued to the screen of her own phone.
“Hey, Ayabe? Did you hear me, I ask-”
“I have to get going,” Ayabe quickly said and shoved her phone into her pocket and grabbed her bag. “I’ll see you later.”
“Oh, uh, okay then, I guess-”
Ayabe didn’t even spare her a glance before she left the room, closing the door with a restrained slam that caught Curren Chan off guard for this early in the morning.
“She looks like she’s in a rush,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “Maybe she just didn’t sleep well.”
Laying back down on her bed, Curren Chan went back to her phone, but in the back of her mind she couldn't help but worry about Ayabe. She seemed off just now.
000
“Ayabe, there you are!” Narita Top Road waved as soon as she saw Ayabe come her way at the training tracks behind Tracen Academy.
“Morning, Top Road,” Ayabe said with a nod as she approached her. “Have you been waiting long?”
“No, I only got here a few minutes ago,” Top Road said before she turned her attention to the track. They were not the only students here, there were already a few other students littered around, some running laps at varying speeds, some stretching, while a few others chatted on the outside. Ayabe would have preferred to have as few people as possible here if she could help it, but the weather was cool without being too cold, so such a desirable state for early morning training. The air was crisp, the sun was barely rising over the horizon, it was a good morning for training, and Ayabe didn’t want something like his disposition on people to ruin such a nice morning for her. There were other things that could ruin this morning for her, things that were on her mind even now. “It’s a nice morning, don’t you think?”
“It’s not too bad,” Ayabe said, walking past Top Road and towards the track. “Let’s get started then.” She just wanted to get to running, so she preemptively shut down whatever else Top Road was going to say to start up a conversation, she wasn't in too much of a mood for talking anyway.
“If you say so,” Top Road said, content and happy as she followed Ayabe out onto the track, and she was thankful that Top Road knew she wasn’t much of a morning person to press for further conversation.
000
It didn’t take too long before the two of them fell into a familiar step with one another, their cleats kicking up dirt with every powerful step as they ran along the length of the track at a steady pace. Not enough to tire them out too quickly, there was no need to push themselves that hard for just a simple morning jog, but enough to cause a familiar strain on their legs, lungs and hearts, one that was all the more welcomed. Ayabe’s eyes remained focused ahead of her, staring at the space where she was soon to occupy in the following seconds as she and Top Road circled the track, neck and neck. A part of her was tempted to push herself, to edge a slight lead over her friend, but she knew if she did that then Top Road would push herself too until she got the lead, which would prompt her to do the same again. It wouldn’t take much before they found themselves in their own little impromptu race, and as much as Ayabe would have liked something like that, she knew her heart wouldn’t be too fully into it as her mind was wandering elsewhere.
All she could do was think about that post she made last night.
Why did she do that? Why did she continue to do that? She should have deleted that profile months ago, but yet here she was, still using that account to make an idiot of herself when the itch struck. How many times has she made posts like that? It must have been at least once a week she found herself being overcome with the urge to go back there and type out and post those messages. For a moment, she felt relief, some sense of twisted pride in herself, but it was always followed by a shame in herself for stopping that low, for letting the worst parts of herself overcome her better judgement and leak out into such an ugly habit.
She can only take solace from the fact that those comments were entirely harmless, and that the person they were being launched at treated them like water off a duck’s back. Though, that kind of attitude filled her with other kinds of bitterness that she didn’t know how to think about.
She would have never stopped this low.
The jog that wasn’t supposed to be a race slowed down as the two of them completed a lap and made their way to the section of the railing where they had left their bags, preparing to take their break before they headed back out. Ayabe sat down on the grass, wiping her forehead of sweat before she took a drink of chilled water from her water bottle, enjoying the sensation of the cold liquid going down her throat.
This was a nice morning.
“Ah! It would seem that I will have the pleasure of blessing the morning of two dear friends in the midst of the training as I myself walk the track as the sun delivers its early kisses to this world! Top Road! Ayabe! It is good to see you two this morning!”
Ayabe choked on her water, coughing harshly as it spilled out of her mouth.
“Ayabe! Are you alright?!” Meisho Doto said with startled concern as she came up to them, the other one walking right beside her.
“I’m-I’m fine!” she said back, pounding a fist to her chest. “Just-” Another cough. “Just drank too much water.”
“Well, if you’re certain,” Top Road said, sitting down next to her. “Just don’t overdo it, okay.”
“I’m fine, I said,” Ayabe said back, more curtly than she would have liked to.
Giving her a worried look, Top Road then turned back to Doto, and the cause of Ayabe’s worries. “Morning, Doto, Opera O, how are things?”
“O-oh, not bad, thank you for asking, Top Road,” Doto said, nervous and looking off to the side, as she usually did. “Just out for a morning run, like everyone else.”
T.M. Opera O, in opposition to Doto’s demanur, smiled widely as she placed her hand on her hip, radiating an aura of confidence that only the blind couldn’t see. “Why, things are as splendid as ever, Top Road,” Opera O with her typical grandiose tone, one hand gesturing to the training track and the other students who were using it. “It is a pleasant morning, the sky is clear and the weather is predicted to be clear all day, and the sight of our fellow students taking the time to better themselves fills me with a sense of pride and satisfaction. On top of that, seeing you two here always brings a fulfilling sense of joy to my heart, as training together with dear friends is always a worthwhile endeavor when chance allows it, wouldn’t you say, Doto?”
“It is nice to spend time with you two,” Doto said with a nod. “We haven’t seen each other that much in the last week.”
“Yeah, between races and school, things have been pretty busy lately,” Top Road said with a tired smile.
The three of them continued their conversation, but Ayabe was content to sit there, taking an occasional sip of her water as she stared off into the distance. She paid attention to them and what they were saying, occasionally throwing in a comment as they talked about their daily life and the recent going ons, but her mind did find itself wandering the longer this went on, thinking about what she did last night, trying her best to put it out of her mind.
She couldn’t help but glance at Opera O every once and a while, who seemed more than happy to talk about her day to everyone. Because of course she could.
“Alright, back to training,” Ayabe said, pushing the guilt down as she pushed herself up. “You two can run with us, but we’ve already been here a while, so we’ll probably leave soon after a few more laps.”
“Ah, how unfortunate to hear that then,” Opera O said, placing her own bag down next to where they sat on the ground. “I was looking forward to being able to train with you two, but it would seem that timing was not merely on our side this morning, so perhaps we’ll be able to spend more time together the next time.”
“Oh, maybe I can set something up?” Top Road helpfully said. “I’m certain that we can find some morning for all of us to run together sooner or later..”
“Oh, that sounds wonderful, Top Road, I’d love that very much,” Doto pleasantly said.
“Ah! Reliable as always, Top Road!” Opera O boasted. “I look forward to our next training session then!”
“Yeah, but we’re still in the middle of one,” Ayabe said, screwing the cap of her bottle shut before placing it down before she pushed herself up to her feet. “So let’s keep going.” She barely gave any of them any time to respond to her before she started up, quickly jogging away from them as she called out to her to slow down before they chased after her. They assumed that her abruptness was her own way of being playful, of stoking the fires of their mutually competitive nature, and Ayabe couldn’t deny that there was something like that in her actions. She did enjoy running, she did enjoy spending time with her friends, despite what other people might think about her. More than a few times her bluntness has been called rude or careless, but that’s just simply how she is, and it’s not that she dislikes people in general, she just preferred to keep to herself for the most part. That she didn’t have a particularly large social battery to begin with and being Curren Chan’s roommate sometimes drained that battery down to half before she could even leave their shared dorm in the morning.
At this point she knows that she should be slowing down, she already pushed herself when it was just Top Road and herself. She knows she's not able to go at it like she would have liked otherwise with Opera O and Doto here now, and egging them on will not help. Still though, she cannot help herself, she never can.
It didn’t take too long for them to catch up to her, she could hear their cleats pounding on the terrain, getting louder and closer by the moment while she kept her eyes forward, trying not to get distracted. From the corner of her eye she could see Opera O enter her vision, soon running shoulder to shoulder with her, keeping up.
“Ha! So you thought that you would be able to evade us for long, Ayabe?” Opera O called out, keeping in step with her. “If you set up your challenge, then I will happily accept it! Even if this is a friendly morning jog, do not think that I will allow myself to deliver anything less than my all!”
Ayabe did not say anything, she kept her view staring straight ahead of her. She needed to focus on anything that wasn’t Opera O, so she pushed herself more, putting distance between the two of them, ignoring the aching in her leg as she did so. This was fine, this could hurt later for all she cared, just so long as she beat Opera O.
Opera O though took her silence as a challenge.
“Very well! If the time for words has passed! Then I will let my actions do enough speaking for both of us!”
They ran, pushing themselves more than what they had intended, while behind them Top Road and Doto seemed to have the good sense to not drive themselves this hard, and for that Ayabe couldn’t help but envy them.
In the end, Opera O beat her, even without a designated finish line she still managed to pull ahead a good distance ahead of her.
“Ahhahahaha~” Opera O proudly laughed, her chest rising and falling as she caught her breath, hands on her hips. “Ah, such an outcome is destined to happen, for there are very few who can stand the might of the Overlord and her extraordinary prowess!”
For her part, Ayabe was standing with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath, not having as easy of a time as Opera O was. Her lung felt like they were on fire, her heart was trying to break out of her ribcage, and her leg felt like there was a knife going through it. She glanced at Opera O, standing proud, gassing herself up as if she was the greatest thing to grace the world, and a shard of resentment began to fester deep inside of her.
“But in all seriousness, Ayabe, that was truly fun and I regret not catching you at a better time,” Opera O continued. “You are a talented opponent, more than worthy to be a rival to me, and I would have loved to have a friendly challenge with you on more even ground, and I would hope that opportunity arrives the next time we step onto a track together.”
The bitterness remained, but so did the shame, even more so once Opera O held out her hand to hold her stand straight and Ayabe took it.
000
Ayabe and Top Road only stayed for another fifteen minutes before they called it quits for the day, leaving the track behind them, leaving Opera O and Doto to their own devices, the two of them took their time as they made their way back to the dorms. Top Road was talking about plans she had today, catching up on some classwork for an upcoming assignment, while Ayabe talked about how she was considering Curren Chan’s offer to go out for lunch. As they talked she reached into her bag, which was hanging off her shoulder, but after a few moments of not finding what it was she was searching for she paused in her steps to look more thoroughly.
“Is something wrong, Ayabe?” Top Road asked, curious as to what it was her friend was doing.
At first she did not get an answer, Ayabe searched more, in vain hoping that it somehow had just been missed, but in the end she had to accept the reality that it was indeed missing. “I think I left my water bottle at the track,” she said with a heavy sigh, ear flattening against her head. “I’ll have go back and get it.”
“You want me to come with you?” Top Road asked.
“No, you go on ahead, but thanks for the offer. I’ll just catch up later. Later Top Road,” Ayabe said as she gave a nonchalant wave to Top Road and headed back towards the track.
“Later Ayabe, I hope you find your bottle!” Top Road called back, a wave of her arm answering back.
The jog back to the tracks took little time for Ayabe, and soon she found herself rounding up to the stands, her eyes shifting to where she had left her bottle, and as certain as she could be she thought she could see it laying in the race right next to the fencing. All she needed to do was get in and get out and hopeful she could avoid-
“May I speak to you for a moment, Doto?”
As she rounded the corner, Ayabe saw them standing on the other side, but she ducked back behind the wall quickly enough to avoid their detection, or at least she hoped so. The two of them were standing on the outside of the stands, away from the other students who were using the field to train, looking like they had enough space to themselves.
“Oh, of course, Opera O, what do you want to talk about?” Doto asked.
“It’s a rather personal matter,” Opera O continued. “And I would prefer if you keep this between us, as I do not often allow myself to speak about things that make me feel rather… vulnerable with other people, but I trust you, Meisho Doto, to offer an excellent, and trustworthy console for my troubles.”
“O-oh? Is something the matter then, Opera O? If there is, I would be more than happy to help however I can, even if it’s just a little bit.”
“Thank you, that means a great deal to me,” Opera O said. “As for my problem, I…” She hesitated, a rarity for her, Ayabe noted from her hiding spot behind the wall around the corner. Whatever it was that they were about to talk about, Ayabe knew that she should be here, it sounded private, and she didn’t want to intrude on something like this, so she decided to step away, to go the long way to get her bottle and head back to the dorms and let them have their talk to themselves.
She turned away, opting to go for that plan.
“I seem to have recently gained a rather persistent heckler online.”
Ayabe then froze.
“A heckler?” Doto asked.
“Yes,” Opera O continued. “Someone has been replying to most of the messages I leave on Umatter, and they are all rather critical of me for one reason or another.” Reaching into her bag, Opera O took out her phone and after flicking through several folders, showed the screen to Doto. “I took some screenshots of what they’ve been saying about me, and they are rather disheartening…”
Doto said nothing as she took the phone from Opera O, her eyes slowly moving across the screen read the preserved image she was being shown before she moved onto the next one, and then the next one, and then the next one. There were more than a few of them that had been saved. “Oh my…” came her muted response. “They seem rather… not nice about you.”
“Yesterday I made a post about how I was pondering the possibility of one day going into stage acting, and they replied saying that they would buy all the tickets to my debut show so no one would have to be forced to see anything I was in.”
“Oh no…”
“And they’re persistent as well,” Opera O said with a sigh, leaning against the wall in a slouch. “I am no stranger to criticism and jeering, my legendary winning streak saw more than enough fans call for my head whenever I stepped onto the track, and while I do believe I have managed to endure such slander at every turn, I must admit that even I have my own limits.” An exhausted, tired sigh escaped Opera O’s lips, her soldiers slumping to the side as she looked off to the side. “They’ve been rather persistent in their attempts to harass me, and while I have so far been the bigger person in the replies I have given them, I do find myself dreading reading what they have to say.”
“Oh, Opera O,” Doto said with worried concern. “If you’re so upset at them, why don’t you just block them?”
“I considered it, but when I looked at their own profile, I saw that the only things they posted were the comments aimed at me, so I suspect that this account exists solely to attempt and cause me woe, so even if I do block them I have little doubt that they will only create another account to pick up where they left off.
“I’m sorry to hear that, I really am. If you need anything though, please let me know right away and I’ll try my best to help in any way I can,” Doto said, a newly brimming determination inside of her.
“Ah, thank you Doto, your camaraderie in my time of need is truly appreciated, just having someone to talk to about this does feel like a weight has been lifted off my soul, but I feel as though this is a trial I must be forced to endure.” A smirk appeared on her lips and she straightened her back, standing tall and proud as she usually had. “I have placed myself in the spotlight of the world’s stage, so I must accept that there will always be those who will wish to see me fall from grace. I will not grant them the satisfaction to see me stumble and falter, but instead I will prove them wrong with how I can surpass any expectations they have! Now, come Doto! Let us resume our training! Ahhahahaha!”
With that, Opera O headed back towards the track, with Doto following close behind them, and unknown to either of them, Admire Vega remained leaning against the wall, just around the corner. She stared at nothing for a time before she found herself leaning against the wall, barely supporting herself until she slowly let herself slide down it until she found herself sitting on the ground. With a deep sigh she buried her face into her hands, hoping the world could just disappear from her sight, or at least that she could disappear herself, but she knew that reality would not be that merciful to her.
“You really are the worst,” she muttered to herself, before she pushed herself back to her feet and slowly made her way back to the school.
She left her water bottle behind, clearly she didn’t deserve it.