Chapter Text
Everyday played out like the same, he’d force himself to get out of bed after tossing and turning and trying to find a reason to get out of bed at all.
“Mnnghh… What time is it even…?” he groaned, turning over to check the clock on his nightstand. Since it’s still relatively dark in his room due to the black out curtains, he pressed his palm on the button of the clock so that the light illuminates the time shown.
“Fuck!” he shot out of bed, his vision going slightly dizzy. It was already 7.45 a.m., and he was supposed to leave the house in 15 minutes for school. He forced his dizziness to subside before getting his body that felt heavy like a bag of rocks out of bed.
The moment his body left the bed, he felt a strong sense of yearning to be back in its sheets, but tried to distract himself with the fact that he was most likely going to be late for school for the millionth time and he really didn’t want to get detention for it and stay back after school.
He went through his so-called “routine” in a daze. It wasn’t really a routine at all, some days he skipped over multiple steps because he was so lazy and sleepy. He couldn’t care less about how he appeared to others. In fact, he would prefer it if people didn’t talk to him much since dealing with human relations were just exhausting and time-consuming.
By 8.05 a.m., he was finally ready. He grabs his bag and drags his feet towards the door, not bothering to eat breakfast nor bring something with him for school. After all, who cares? He feels better when he’s empty than when full anyway.
Unfortunately for Dazai, he ends up 10 minutes late to class. He walks in with a carefully practiced sheepish grin and chirps: “Haha, sorry… I missed the bus…” The teacher just looks him dead in the eyes and pulls him out to talk.
“Dazai, this is unacceptable. You’ve been late practically every single day this term. I can’t even begin to count how many late slips you’ve attained from the office!”
Just as Dazai opens his mouth to speak, which would most likely be a rehearsed “Sorry Miss, I promise I’ll come on time from now on!” , the teacher continues:
“You’ll be staying back in school for detention today. Meet me outside Block B Classroom 3-06.” before she swiftly turns away to address the whole class.
Chuuya, from his seat, gives the brunette a snide smirk. Somehow even being the rebellious type like him, he’s never gotten a late slip during all his years of learning. Teachers favour him for his good grades and “polite manners” towards staff. Dazai just playfully glares at him before taking a seat at the back of the class. He honestly couldn’t care less about what the chibi thought, the only thing on his mind was how bummed out he was that he’d have to stay back for detention. This sucked.
Dazai props his head up on his hand, staring out the window. All he wants is to go home and rot in bed, maybe scroll online or play games a little. But now that he has detention, it’s taking away all his time that he could spend in his distractions.
By lunch period, Dazai is incredibly out of it. Despite oversleeping, he’s still tired from the constant nights of staying up to 2 a.m., and declining food when he’s offered from people. His stomach growls with hunger but he uses all his will to avoid it. He’s been like this for the longest time, but recently he’s been watching how much he eats. He’s not sure the reason, though.
“You fucking Mackerel,” Chuuya calls out, swaggering over to him. “Guess who got themselves detention. Told ya to stop staying up, didn’t I?”
Dazai rolls his eyes. “It’s whatever… I can stay up all I want, Chibi. I’m already taller than you, staying up won’t stunt my growth! I think we should be worrying about how much sleep you lose, Chuu…”
He feels his collar get yanked harshly. “Fuck you, Mackerel! Think you’re so high and mighty? Just wait till I get my growth spurt!”
“Chuuya, you’re 16. I’m not sure there’s any growth spurt coming your way for like… Forever.”
Chuuya just growls and pushes him off. “Yeah? You won’t be so egotistical soon…”
Dazai decides to go to the rooftop to get some time away from everyone, and also to avoid the cafeteria. He knows staying there will just provoke him to eat something, and he really needs to stop giving into the sudden urges. He reminds himself that he should stay in control and not give in to hunger, as eating would probably just make him feel worse.
As he reaches the rooftop, he walks towards the parapet and stares out into the distance. All he wants to do is just lie down in his bed and forget everything. Forget how he’s always a burden to everyone, forget how he’s always in a constant state of regret and self-hatred, forget how he’s better off dead.
The multiple buildings blur into the sky when he’s looking out, the only thing on his mind is how he would just jump from here and end it all in a second. Then he wouldn’t have to think about anything anymore, wouldn’t have to worry about how his body looks anymore, wouldn’t have to worry about the numbers on the scale anymore, wouldn’t have to worry about his failing grades in school anymore…
Without realising, his thoughts drift towards Chuuya. He swears he hates him, but the hate is mostly rooted in jealousy.
Jealousy of how Chuuya’s always getting good grades.
Jealousy of how Chuuya’s always in the good shoes of the teachers.
Jealousy of how Chuuya’s good at everything.
Jealousy of how Chuuya always manages to do anything flawlessly.
Jealousy of how Chuuya’s good at sports.
Jealousy of how good Chuuya looks.
Jealousy of how perfect Chuuya is.
Sometimes he wishes he could be exactly like Chuuya. Sure, he could change. But it would take too much work, he’s too lazy for that. Changing would mean putting effort into school, spending less time online, participating in class and clubs more often… It seemed like too much work for him. And it was.
The bell rings, signalling the end of lunch. Dazai sighs and reluctantly makes his way back to class. He already dreads listening to the teacher harp on and on about the same things again, he doesn’t even understand any of it. He goes to class just to tune out.
The rest of the school day passes by incredibly slowly. He sits with dread and shame in his seat through every single class. He tries to get the pangs in his stomach away from him, tries to push it further into the back of his mind.
Finally, the last class is over. Dazai stands up with a little more energy, excited to go home, when the intercom rings:
“Dazai Osamu, please report to Block B, Classroom 3-06 for your detention. Thank you.”
Fuck, his shoulders slump down immediately. Who cares? Detention will probably be something shitty like writing down “I will not be late to school anymore.” 100 times. His time is better spent elsewhere, like annoying Chuuya or rotting alone in his dark, dusty room.
Whatever, he drags himself into the classroom anyway.