Archive of Our Own

Lucy and Angela were laying lazily in bed one morning before shift. Deep under the covers, the warmth under the bed contrasting the cold of the air, Angela laid loving touches along Lucy’s body. Kisses on her skin, fingers layering through her hair. 

Lucy moaned at the touch. “You like that, huh?” Angela asked, coyly.

“I love that.” Lucy said sleepily. “Don’t stop.”

“I won’t,” Angela said, smiling down. She’d do anything Lucy tells her. “I promise.”

Angela and Lucy had been dating for a little over three months at this point. Everything had clicked into place, like it was just meant to be. Lucy felt so safe in Angela’s arms, like she never wanted to leave them. 

“This is the best relationship I’ve ever had, Angela.” Lucy admitted, sinking even deeper into her touch. “I think I love you.”

Angela stopped, she didn’t move, didn't dare breathe. Lucy had just told her she loved her. Lucy loved her. Angela's mouth was agape at her words. 

Lucy quickly turned around to face Angela, seeing her shocked face. “Ange…”

Angela’s face softened. “Huh, ‘I think’. I love you. I love you so so much sunshine.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Angela confessed. “Best relationship huh? What other ones did I beat huh? Couldn’t have been hard.”

“Well, I mean you beat my last one for sure. Let me just say that, this here is amazing.”

“Am I supposed to know who you’re referencing or?” Angela asked, raising her tone at the last bit of her sentence. 

“I thought Talia would’ve told you?” Lucy questioned. 

“Told me what? Oh my god, did you date someone in the station? Lucy-”

“I may have dated someone in my rookie class.” Lucy said sheepishly, avoiding eye contact with Angela.

Angela thought for a second, couldn’t be Jackson, but no it couldn’t be. “You dated Nolan?” Angela asked, almost yelling. “Nolan, Nolan out of all people?”

“You joked that he dates seriously out of his league, you just didn’t know how out of his league he dates…”

“But Nolan, seriously?” Angela wondered. “Wait, wait, wait, how deep into your rookie year did you guys date?”

“Umm…”

“That’s not good.” Angela admonished. 

“Well, it was really casual, I never really enjoyed it. He was just so damn clingy like a puppy. So it went over from the academy to the LAPD. Then I started falling for you, and Talia found out, I just had so many signs to break up with him and I did. Then you were shot-”

“Babe, listen, it's okay. You’re hot, I just don’t see why you would feel the need to get with him. Other than feeling guilty for the matter that is.”

“You really do get me.” Lucy said as she leaned in for a soft kiss. “I gotta go get ready, don’t be weird today, okay?”

“Me weird, never?” Angela said as sarcastically as she could. Lucy just looked at her funny. “Fine, fine, I’ll be as normal as can be about your ex-boyfriend.”

“I don’t wanna see jealous Angela today, not on shift.”

“I’ll try, I will try.”

And Angela tried, she really did. She saw Lucy sitting proudly in that first row, ready for shift just like she is everyday, but the thing was he was sitting there. Right next to her was John Nolan, and every time she looked at him she saw her under his lips. It was like there was something wrong in the universe that needed to be set right. She was sent her way, but at what cost? After a relationship with the geratric rookie? It didn’t make sense. 

Then everyone started moving, she didn’t even hear Sgt. Grey dismiss them. As the rookies moved out of the room, Nolan cut in front of her to exit. “Hey boot!” She yelled. Her face would’ve said normal hardass for any of the other rookies, but she knew Lucy could read her like a book. It didn’t matter right now, she was too ahead to back off. “You wanna watch where you’re going?”

“Oh!” Nolan realized his mistake. “My apologies ma’am, it won’t happen again.”

“I can make your life hell boot, don’t test me.”

Nolan just looked over at Jackson confused. Angela’s expression reached Lucy’s, it just read ‘I fucking knew it’, and the thing is she wasn’t wrong. How was she ever gonna behave normally again, she was ruined. 

Angela had fucked up, and the thing was she didn’t even feel a little bit bad about it. 

First it was the ‘rolling of her eyes’ when Nolan came on the radio. Jackson caught it, but she played it off by saying something about her eyes being tired. His voice was just so damn irritating.  Jackson looked in her direction, but didn’t dare say anything, catching that she was in a mood. 

Then it was the quiet mumbling of ‘can he do anything right’ when Angela learned that he crashed another police vehicle in a pursuit. It wasn’t even noon. She shook her head in disbelief thinking about it, she must have looked like a psychopath because the moment had passed eons ago. 

And then lunch came, as always the rookie and T.O.’s meet up at the food trucks outside the precinct. Then Angela saw Nolan grab Lucy’s food, and she couldn't stop staring at him. 

No, not her perfectly reasonable girlfriend, who she loved with her whole heart. No, she was staring at her ex-boyfriend, who had a ‘casual’ relationship with her, but how casual was it really? And then he put his hand on her shoulder as she sat down, Lucy shrugged him away of course, but it was the audacity. 

At some point in time she realized that she had been staring at him for too damn long, but it was like a compulsive need at that point. Why would she date him, it made no sense at all. 

“Angela,” Tim said as he waved his hand in front of her face. “Earth to Angela.”

Angela’s face jumped as he did so, but she quickly readjusted. “Seriously Tim, are you a child?”

“I’m not a child, I don’t know why you’re staring into the distance though. Slightly confusing.” Tim asked. 

“Don’t worry about it, I just need a minute.” Angela said, not taking her eyes off Nolan.

“More like five,” he muttered. “What is even so interesting over there?” He said as he started turning, just to see the three rookies conversing as normal. “What’s your deal, can’t let your rookie socialize anymore?”

“Shut up.”

It was things like that. Eventually the day came to a close, she could change out and she didn’t have to see Nolan’s face all the time. She would lose her mind if she was Nolan’s T.O. she thinks to herself. 

She walks out and she sees them, Nolan and Lucy walking, together. She could feel her blood start to boil, and yet she knew she had to reign it in. Angela and Lucy weren’t together, or at least that’s what everybody else believed. Lucy waved him off as Angela stood in the corner, and once their eyes met Lucy rolled hers. 

It hurt Angela a tiny bit, but it was understandable. She wasn’t exactly listening to her expectations from this morning. 

Lucy’s expression was stone cold, completely different from the warm expression she came to know. “Lucy-”

“No, just no.” She grabbed Angela’s hand and led her into a room, it seemed like it was a small, dark storage closet. “What the hell we’re you doing today? I mean what the fuck was that?”

“Sunshine-”

“Don’t sunshine me!” She whispered harshly. “I want an explanation. Why were you so insane with Nolan, it didn’t make any sense.”

“I just didn’t like the idea of that man being with you, touching you, it was a lot to deal with.” Angela admitted. 

“Okay? Angela, I’m bisexual, you know this. I’m going to have dated other men before you.”

“I know-”

“You’re also bisexual! I don’t get-”

“It’s not that you dated men before, I’ve dated men and I honestly don’t have a problem with it. You dated him, a man not worth your stature. Look at me baby,” Angel said as he put her hand on Lucy’s cheek. “I’m sorry, I promise I’ll be better. I didn’t mean to.”

“You know what, I decided to tell you that this morning because I thought you could be a responsible adult on shift, not a goddamn child-”

“Luce-”

“No, you know what, I’ll see you tomorrow."

Before Angela could say anything she slammed the door shut.

Two days. Two whole days where Lucy wasn’t speaking to her. All because of her insane retroactive jealousy, if she loses Lucy because of a ended past relationship Lucy had with fucking Nolan, she’d never forgive herself.

So she had a plan, set up in place. Jackson said he was going to some event with his boyfriend, Sterling, leaving her an opening. 

If she wouldn’t come to her, she would go to Lucy. 

With flowers in one hand, and a bag of groceries filled with all the things to make Lucy’s favorite meal, she knocked on the door. Her heart never pounded so hard in her life, she just hoped she’d open. Right before she thought she’d need to pound on the door again, it swung open. 

“Lopez.” Lucy said brutally, knocking down Angela a peg or two. 

Angela felt her will shatter slightly. “I brought food, your favorite?” Angela asked carefully. 

“Fine.” Lucy let her in as she grumbled. God, I fucked up this one Angela thought to herself. 

“These are for you,” Angela said, lifting up the flowers. “And of course the food.”

“They’re beautiful, but-”

“Lucy, please,” Angela pleaded. “Don’t end this, I am so sorry. There is nothing I can say to repair what I did. I love you, and I’ve loved you for a long time, since I laid eyes on you. Don’t let me ruin this, us.”

“I was gonna say I don’t have a vase, but I like the apology.” Lucy said coyly. “I was never gonna break up with you Ange, I just- I needed time to think.”

“And the verdict?”

“I think I love you too much to let you go, just don’t blow up at my friends at my place of work. Okay?” Lucy pleaded with the woman.

“Okay.”

They spent the rest of the night cooking, cuddling, and consuming content. Watching dumb rom-coms the rest of the night, she vowed to never let her affliction of Nolan, her insecurity, get in the way of Lucy. 

She loved her too damn much to let that happen.