Chapter Text
Lu Guang had done it. He had won the grand prize.
A grand prize he deeply regretted winning, by the way.
He hadn’t even willingly signed up for it in the first place.
What had happened was that a certain local radio station was holding a sweepstakes event for a fully paid vacation to the mountains.
All listeners had to do was tune in the radio app and listen for one hour, and they’d be automatically entered into the drawing.
And that’s what Lu Guang did. Accidentally.
The same day of the giveaway, Lu Guang happened to be deep cleaning the studio. So he had casually played the radio station’s music for hours while working the entire day.
By the time he was done, the studio was spotless from top to bottom. Also, he got a text message from the station congratulating him for his win.
How was he supposed to know that a niche radio station that played nothing but instrumental lofi beats had a budget, let alone sweepstakes prizes?
At first, he thought it was a scam and disregarded it, until he got a confirmation link detailing the vacation.
It seemed to be legit, sponsored by a mainstream company. More notably, it was a one-night stay at a strict meditation retreat—minimalist architecture, rock gardens, and total, mandatory silence.
No wonder he won. No sane person had voluntarily entered.
Lu Guang didn’t care about unlocking his inner qi or reaching spiritual enlightenment or any of the sort. He had no plans to actually take up the offer.
But again, one night of total silence and away from his useless, loudmouthed boyfriend Cheng Xiaoshi did sound pretty good. Not only that, hotel and transportation expenses were covered.
Lu Guang loved Cheng Xiaoshi deeply, but even the most dedicated lovers needed healthy amounts space.
Cheng Xiaoshi had begged to differ.
He didn’t believe it himself either.
“That station you looped while cleaning?” he had asked, insulted. “They were giving away free trips?”
Cheng Xiaoshi knew Lu Guang. He knew Lu Guang hated leaving his routine. Cheng Xiaoshi could confidently assert that there was no way Lu Guang was actually going. Besides, Lu Guang had all the love and attention he needed right here.
Ironically, all that love and attention was the reason why Lu Guang was considering a getaway.
Qiao Ling, upon learning about the possible vacation, insisted Lu Guang go.
“It’s perfect for you!” she said. “You’ll sit down on a cold rock or something, stare into the void for hours, and no one would bother you the entire night.”
A dream scenario, if you were Lu Guang.
It was like taking a rejuvenating nap without actually taking a nap.
She took matters into her own hands and signed him up right then and there. Even when Cheng Xiaoshi protested on behalf of Lu Guang.
“Wha—? You can’t just decide for him!”
Qiao Ling refused to accept resistance. “Neither can you. Lu Guang works himself to death. He just got handed a vacation on a silver platter!”
“He doesn’t need to go.” Cheng Xiaoshi whirled around and snatched Lu Guang by the collar. “Lu Guang, tell her you don’t want to go!” His eyes became pleadingly wide, begging the universe not to take away his favorite person.
“Right?”
Lu Guang was caught in the crossfire of Cheng Xiaoshi’s puppy dog eyes and Qiao Ling’s sharp look.
If he left, Qiao Ling and Cheng Xiaoshi would almost certainly tear each other to pieces without Lu Guang to intervene. On the other hand, if he rejected Qiao Ling’s efforts and wasted a free trip, she was going to tear him to pieces.
Lu Guang reached up to his collar and unclasped Cheng Xiaoshi’s fingers off, though he didn't let go afterward.
“Thank you for setting it up, Qiao Ling-jie,” Lu Guang started politely, still holding Cheng Xiaoshi’s fingers. “I’ll pack.”
Cheng Xiaoshi’s hands went limp in Lu Guang’s grip. "You’re actually abandoning me? For a rock garden?"
“It will be for one night, Cheng Xiaoshi. You’ll survive,” Lu Guang said as he released Cheng Xiaoshi’s hands and turned toward the stairs.
After he left, Qiao Ling smiled triumphantly at Cheng Xiaoshi. He desperately wanted to erase that expression with a basketball.
Lu Guang had no choice but to accept the vacation. He was practically being bullied into it. He packed enough for an overnight stay, which was only the things he absolutely needed, and fitted it all into one neat suitcase.
The morning of his departure, Lu Guang didn’t have any high expectations. He was just going to get into the taxi, see how the retreat goes, and stay the night in a nearby hotel and come back the next day.
That is, if Cheng Xiaoshi would ever let him go.
That brought Lu Guang to his current situation.
At the sidewalk near the waiting taxi, Cheng Xiaoshi was shamelessly attached to Lu Guang’s back.
“Lu Guaaaang, I’ll be lonely…” Cheng Xiaoshi whined, his arms looped around Lu Guang’s waist from behind.
Lu Guang pried himself free and picked up his suitcase. “You won’t be alone. You have Qiao Ling.”
Cheng Xiaoshi snagged Lu Guang’s shoulders again, gripping his coat. “That’s worse than being alone.”
“Hey! Release him already. Stop acting like he’s being drafted to the military,” Qiao Ling said, watching the exchange from the side. “Quit being selfish. You should be supporting Lu Guang!”
Cheng Xiaoshi pouted, his gaze dropping to the floor. “Fine,” he sighed, “Have fun staring at rocks, Lu Guang.”
Lu Guang hastily took a step forward, “Yes. Thank you. I'll call you later.”
Cheng Xiaoshi held him back yet again, “You can’t go until you kiss me.”
Lu Guang kept his gaze averted and pulled Cheng Xiaoshi’s hands off. “I already did.”
“That was when I woke up. I want a goodbye kiss!”
The audacity. Cheng Xiaoshi was demanding that Lu Guang kiss him right there outside. On the sidewalk.
In front of the studio.
In front of Qiao Ling.
In front of the damn taxi driver.
As much as Lu Guang treasured Cheng Xiaoshi, there were other things he also treasured—the last shreds of his public dignity.
Qiao Ling finally stepped in and tore Cheng Xiaoshi away, allowing Lu Guang to get in the car. He glanced through the window and merely lifted a hand in farewell.
“Lu Guang—!” Cheng Xiaoshi cried as he reached toward the vehicle, but was still restrained by Qiao Ling. He kept his arms outstretched like a tragic war movie hero being separated from his beloved.
“Have a good trip!” Qiao Ling called out as taxi pulled away.
“Call me once you get there!” Cheng Xiaoshi yelled after it.
Once the car was out of sight, Qiao Ling released Cheng Xiaoshi. He stared at the empty street as mournfully as a young widow.
“Ugh, what are we going to do all day?” he lamented, throwing his head back.
Qiao Ling dragged him to the studio, “Work. You still have a dozen orders to print.”
Condemned to the front of the store, Cheng Xiaoshi finished all the orders under half an hour out of spite.
“Done. Finally,” he muttered as he shoved the last envelope into its designated bin beneath the counter. He straightened up and scanned around the empty studio.
With Qiao Ling out on a business run, Cheng Xiaoshi was left with the entire studio to himself. It wasn’t as fun as it sounded.
Since there were no customers to handle and no Lu Guang to annoy or flirt with, Cheng Xiaoshi wandered to the sunroom and flopped on the couch.
He opened his phone, planning to scroll for a few minutes. As was humanity’s greatest weakness, he fell into a rabbit hole of prank videos and watched for at least three hours.
After watching one last elaborate prank involving siblings, he decided that he had to try one out. After all, he had an empty building, zero supervision, and hours to spare.
Qiao Ling was going to be gone for half the day, which was the perfect opportunity to plot his scheme.
Late afternoon rolled around, and the front of the studio was fully trapped, ready to welcome its victim.
Qiao Ling came back, opening the door but not stepping in.
Cheng Xiaoshi was casually leaning against the counter and flipping through a book he was holding upside down. He greeted her with faux boredom. “You’re back already?”
Qiao Ling didn’t bother answering. Her eyes dropped to the doorway, where several strips of clear packing tape were stretched taut across the bottom of the frame at ankle height, the intent clearly being to trip her once she walked inside.
She gave Cheng Xiaoshi an unimpressed look. “Seriously? You think I wouldn’t notice that?” she said flatly as she easily stepped over the tape.
Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t look up from his book. He silently turned a page, still upside down. But the corner of his mouth twitched upward.
Qiao Ling ripped the tape off the frame and tossed it toward him, though the flimsy wad fluttered uselessly to the floor a foot in front of her.
She scoffed as she walked past the counter. "You really need a hobby. I should've left you a list of chores." She chuckled to herself, shaking her head. "What an idiot. Imagine thinking something that obvious could—WAHH!"
Her smug monologue was derailed as she entered the sunroom and her ankles snagged something, throwing her off balance, and her arms turned into windmills.
An absurdly long fishing line webbed the bottom of the entryway to the sunroom. Qiao Ling’s legs were immediately tangled tight in the string, sending her into a spectacular faceplant.
She landed on her elbows with a pained groan.
“Ugh…what the hell?” She twisted her neck backwards to see that her feet were hopelessly caught in the snarl of the fish line.
“That bastard…” she growled as she rolled to her back and shifted herself over to try to sit up.
But when she pulled her legs back, she triggered phase two.
The line ran past the wall, snaked up the staircase railings, and was hitched directly to something at the top step.
Qiao Ling quickly found out what that something was.
Once her legs moved backward, it tugged the string and sent an entire pail of jumbo water balloons cascading down the stairs. Every single balloon mercilessly hit its target, landing on Qiao Ling and leaving her soaked head to toe.
As an unexpected finishing move, the pail hit the floor, bounced up, and landed upside down on Qiao Ling’s head with a clang, like a rusty bucket helmet.
She yanked the pail off her head, only to see Cheng Xiaoshi collapsed to his knees, half-delirious with laughter.
“That—that was cinema!” he howled as he crawled closer. He was almost hyperventilating as he pulled out his phone.
Cheng Xiaoshi shoved the phone in her face. The phone replayed the magnificent last thirty seconds, and he paused on the frame of her mid-fall.
On screen, Qiao Ling’s jaw was unhinged, her arms were a blur, and her legs were at awkward angles. He zoomed in on her horrified, bug-eyed facial expression.
“I’m setting this as your contact picture,” he wheezed, pulling back to tap on his phone. He aimed the device at her as if it were a weapon. “You got OWNED!”
He started laughing hysterically again, not noticing the murderous aura radiating from Qiao Ling.
With one swift motion, her hand karate-chopped the string, letting her feet loose. Dripping wet, she rose to her full feet and towered over Cheng Xiaoshi, whose laughter died the second he noticed her shadow looming over.
“Cheng Xiaoshi…” she breathed menacingly, flames rising behind her.
Cheng Xiaoshi looked up at her, his face draining of color. He gulped, slowly backed away, and got to his feet as if he noticed he’d fallen into a lion’s den.
Qiao Ling cracked her knuckles, her glare sharp enough to burn a hole right through him.
Cheng Xiaoshi then did the most mature, competent, and logical thing to do—he broke into a sprint as if he were fleeing death row.
Lu Guang arrived at the location that would be his vacation spot for the next 24 hours.
Peering out the taxi window, he let his eyes wander over the sweeping, isolated landscape.
A dense forest of vibrant emerald trees stretched endlessly toward mountain peaks that merged into the horizon. Birds chirped nearby. The sound of a rushing waterfall could be faintly heard from somewhere farther.
It was the kind of background that could be used for a wuxia training montage.
He had to admit, the scenery was immensely peaceful.
The taxi dropped Lu Guang off at a small, well-kept hotel where he checked in and left his belongings in the room he would be using.
Inside the room, there was a wide floor-to-ceiling window, concealed by a thin curtain, that overlooked the forest and provided a view to the waterfall in the distance.
Lu Guang considered just staying here for the rest of the day. This already counted as a retreat.
He sat down on the bed, checking his phone. He did promise to call Cheng Xiaoshi the moment he got a chance, so he opened his contacts and pressed Cheng Xiaoshi’s name.
After a few rings, there was no answer.
Lu Guang didn’t know if he should be concerned or not. Either Cheng Xiaoshi was too busy with work, or he had already burned down the entire studio.
The latter was more probable.
Lu Guang left his phone on the nightstand and walked out the room to leave the hotel and face whatever cringey meditation program was waiting for him.
Everything was probably fine.
Back at the studio, everything was not fine.
Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling had regressed to primal behavior.
They tore through the entire studio like wild animals fighting for territory. Which was hard because there wasn’t much room in the first place.
They were locked in an impromptu obstacle course race, vaulting over the coffee table, launching off couch cushions, and avoiding the puddle the water balloons made.
“CHENG XIAOSHI!! Come back here, you asshole!” a soggy Qiao Ling roared as she closed in on him.
“I’M SORRY! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!” he screamed frantically. “I have a boyfriend!”
“Then I’ll tell him where to find the body!” she shot back, still hot on his heels.
Cheng Xiaoshi rounded the corner to the stairwell. He grabbed a railing to use his momentum to circle around to the steps, though he nearly slipped on the residual water in the process.
He took the stairs three steps at a time until he got to his bedroom. He scrambled into the room and slammed the door just as Qiao Ling reached the top of the stairs.
He quickly locked the doorknob’s metal push-button with a simple jab of his thumb. Hah.
Qiao Ling’s irate pounding followed a second later, rattling the door. “Open up before I do it myself!” Qiao Ling’s shout came muffled.
Cheng Xiaoshi leaned his back on the door and folded his arms smugly. “No way.”
After the door shook under a few more thuds, the racket stopped. Qiao Ling became quiet, and seemed to leave.
Cheng Xiaoshi’s mind came up with three possibilities: Qiao Ling had accepted defeat, or she was calling the fire department, or she was getting an ax to take down the door herself.
Soon, he heard the squilshing of her wet shoes outside the door again, followed by the sound of a metallic wire scraping inside the keyhole.
She must be using a paperclip to unlock the door. But he was one step ahead.
Cheng Xiaoshi, in his supreme brilliance, kept his thumb pressed on the push-button, therefore preventing the door from unlocking. Hah again.
Sometimes he was so clever it scared himself.
He heard Qiao Ling mutter a string of curses, then she presumably walked away a couple of moments later.
Except she came back again after a minute. She knocked on the door softly.
“Ohhh, Cheng Xiaoshi~!” she sang with villainous delight. “You left something downstairs!”
Cheng Xiaoshi froze, his breathing hitched. What did he forget? He checked his pocket, then his other pocket.
He had left his phone behind when he ran off.
He rummaged through his jacket, then he checked his pockets again as if the phone could have magically spawned in between attempts.
Qiao Ling’s taunts floated through the door, her voice thick with glee.
“I have your phone!”
1x Hit!
“You just missed a call!”
2x Hit!
“From Lu Guang!”
100x Hit!
Cheng Xiaoshi yanked the door open so quickly he all but tore it off the hinges. He lunged at a smirking Qiao Ling and snatched his phone back. “Gimme that!”
Sure enough, the lock screen displayed a glowing, damning notification:
One (1) Missed Call: ❤️ Lu Guang 🥰😍😙💖💕
Oh, uh. Damn. Qiao Ling saw that.
He’d handle the embarrassment later. Actually never. He hit the call button.
To his disappointment, it went to voicemail after ringing a few times. Cheng Xiaoshi was going to shoot a text when a dark presence loomed behind him.
He didn’t even get to turn all the way around before the blur of Qiao Ling’s incoming palm entered his peripheral vision and instantly slapped him clean across the face with a resounding thwack.
The air was pleasantly humid at the rock garden beside the waterfall, but a handful of participants were already sweating through their linen trousers.
The zen master leading the program paced between the rows of woven mats, a wooden warning stick resting lightly against his shoulder.
"The mind is a wild horse," he whispered gravely. "To sit in absolute silence for eight hours is to tame that horse. Most of you will collapse within twenty minutes."
In the very back row, Lu Guang sat perfectly still, perfectly emotionless. His back was straight, his hands calmly rested in his lap, and his eyes were fixed on the pebbles scattered across the grass. He hadn't blinked in five minutes.
The man sitting in front of him was already shaking and experiencing smartphone withdrawals.
Lu Guang was experiencing something he hadn't felt in nine past lives: total, blissful, uninterrupted nada or whatever the heck it was called.
No mystery cases. No photo-jumping. No clingy partner disobeying orders or demanding PDA in front of public transportation.
The leader eyed Lu Guang in the back. The white-haired man was remaining so still that a stone statue would look restless next to him.
The leader’s eyes filled with tears of admiration, his stick dropping from his grip. He wiped away a tear and, with trembling hands, motioned to the assistant to update the record board.
By hour six, most of the retreat had broken down in silent weeping. One person was writing ‘HELP’ in dust.
Only Lu Guang had become one with nature.
The record board updated twice that day.
Cheng Xiaoshi stood hunched over the bathroom sink as he languidly stared at the reflection of his mangled face.
The cheek that Qiao Ling slapped hours ago was still stinging and swollen. He held an ice pack to his bruised head.
He entered his bedroom, where he’d be sleeping alone tonight. He tossed the ice pack somewhere to the side and flopped onto the lower mattress of the bunk bed. The top bunk was sadly empty.
He checked his phone. No new calls. No texts.
Maybe Lu Guang really was enjoying a life without Cheng Xiaoshi.
The phone vibrated in his hand, the screen displaying the ridiculous, heart-filled caller ID.
Cheng Xiaoshi answered on the first ring, shoving the phone to his ear. "Lu Guang?"
Lu Guang’s voice—one that belonged in a premium soft boyfriend ASMR—came through the line. “Cheng Xiaoshi, did I wake you?”
Cheng Xiaoshi shook his head with a smile, though no one was there to see it. “Not at all. I was about to call you.” He rolled to his side, one half of his face sunk into the pillow. “How was the…uh, retreat? The monks didn’t brainwash you, did they?”
Lu Guang answered candidly, “There were no monks. But it was more relaxing than I thought. The landscape is beautiful here.” His voice suddenly became mildly suspicious, “Well, what about you? I tried calling earlier, but you didn’t answer. You must have been busy.”
The bruise on Cheng Xiaoshi’s head suddenly started to throb again. He coughed awkwardly, “Oh, not really. I caught up on some work and,” he rubbed his palm on his mouth as he mumbled, “I pranked Qiao Ling.”
He heard Lu Guang sigh from the other end. “Of course you did.”
Cheng Xiaoshi couldn’t help but grin, “It was epic. You should have seen it!” He chuckled to himself, “Qiao Ling’s face was priceless. I’ll send you the video.”
Lu Guang sighed again, "Cheng Xiaoshi, I spent an entire day cleaning the studio. Tell me the place isn't a disaster."
“Nope, it’s totally clean! It was a harmless prank.” He conveniently left out the wet floorboards, the stray fishing line, and the sofa cushion he’d repeatedly stepped on.
Cheng Xiaoshi shifted around to lie on his stomach, propping himself on his elbows. "I guess you're ready to sleep. Must be nice, enjoying life without me." He pulled his blanket over his head with a sigh, “But I really miss you.”
He heard Lu Guang chuckle, just a little. “Idiot. Why do you think I called you? I wanted to hear your voice.”
Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes widened for a moment, before a deep blush hit his face as he broke into a smile. He buried his head in his pillow as his heels kicked his blanket like a smitten schoolgirl. He looked up at the screen again. “Then why are you always telling me to shut up?”
“That’s when I have too much of it.”
Cheng Xiaoshi wanted to stay talking on the phone all the night, but he felt himself suppressing a yawn. “I’ll let you sleep, Lu Guang. Come back early tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure. I will,” Lu Guang replied quietly.
Neither of them hung up.
So Cheng Xiaoshi spoke up for a last time. “Lu Guang?”
Lu Guang hummed in acknowledgement. “Mhm?”
Cheng Xiaoshi ducked his head down as he smiled.
“I love you.”
A few seconds of silence passed. If Cheng Xiaoshi could have seen, he would have found Lu Guang smiling fondly, a shade of pink dusting his own face.
“I love you too.”
Cheng Xiaoshi hugged an armful of his blanket and made a pleased little squeal.
“Good night, Lu Guang.”
“Good night, Cheng Xiaoshi.”
The call ended, and Cheng Xiaoshi threw his phone to the side of his mattress. He sank into the covers with a heavy sigh. He stared up at the bottom of the top bunk. “There’s no way I’m sleeping tonight.”
However, less than ten minutes later, he was completely unconscious and mumbling something about Lu Guang in his sleep.
Cheng Xiaoshi woke up earlier than intended the next morning. For several seconds, he stared blankly at the surface above him that was the top bunk. Then his brain turned on.
Lu Guang.
His heart began racing with anticipation. Lu Guang was coming back today. After twenty-four long hours, his isolation was finally over.
This was better than Christmas.
After hurriedly getting dressed, Cheng Xiaoshi barely had time to adjust his ponytail’s hair tie when he heard the sound of the door opening.
His first assumption was that it was Qiao Ling until he heard different footsteps downstairs, a suitcase rolling across the floor.
Cheng Xiaoshi dropped everything. He dashed to the stairs and there, at the bottom, Lu Guang was just walking in. He glanced upstairs and their eyes met.
Cheng Xiaoshi tore down the steps, but by the time he reached the fourth he didn’t bother finishing.
“LU GUANG!” He leapt off the stairwell and into Lu Guang’s waiting unprepared arms.
“Cheng Xiao—!” Lu Guang barely managed to react as Cheng Xiaoshi crashed into him and both fell to the floor.
Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t seem to care. Without even sitting up, he kept his arms locked around Lu Guang’s neck, nuzzling him aggressively.
“Don’t ever leave me like that again!” he whimpered as he buried his face in Lu Guang’s collarbone.
Flat on his back, his coat thoroughly ruffled, Lu Guang managed to hug Cheng Xiaoshi. “I’m back. I’m not going anywhere. Now sit up already.”
Cheng Xiaoshi shifted off of Lu Guang enough for him to sit up. The second he straightened, Cheng Xiaoshi’s arms were around him again.
He looked Lu Guang in the eye. “Now are you going to greet me properly?”
Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes darted to Lu Guang’s lips, making it obvious what he wanted.
Without a word, Lu Guang’s hands caressed the back of Cheng Xiaoshi’s neck as they both closed their eyes and leaned in.
They were centimeters away from bliss when the front door flew open, causing them to snap their heads toward the entrance.
Qiao Ling walked in and beamed once she saw Lu Guang. “Hey! Lu Guang, you’re back early! How was the trip?”
Lu Guang stood up, Cheng Xiaoshi following suit.
“I enjoyed myself. Thank you again for arranging it,” said Lu Guang politely as he brushed himself off. He was about to move to grab his suitcase, but Cheng Xiaoshi’s arms wrapped from behind, preventing Lu Guang from taking another step.
Qiao Ling glanced at the two of them. Lu Guang was slightly disheveled, and Cheng Xiaoshi was glaring at her as he pouted behind Lu Guang.
Her hand hovered over her mouth as she smiled smugly. “Oh, did I interrupt something?” she teased.
Cheng Xiaoshi’s arms tightened around Lu Guang. “Yes.”
Qiao Ling chuckled sheepishly, “Oops. Sorry.” But her expression fell flat a moment later. “Does Lu Guang know what you did while he was gone?”
Cheng Xiaoshi stiffened, “What, that prank?”
Her eyes narrowed, “About the water balloons? And the fishing string?”
Lu Guang released himself from Cheng Xiaoshi’s grip and slowly turned around to face Cheng Xiaoshi, who was shrinking back.
“Uh,” Cheng Xiaoshi gulped, “I might have gotten carried away.”
Qiao Ling nodded sarcastically, “Uh huh, you think?”
Cheng Xiaoshi scoffed at her. “I can’t believe you're still mad about that.”
Wrong answer.
Qiao Ling’s eyes glowed red. “CHENG XIAOSHI…!” she growled as she charged toward him.
Cheng Xiaoshi yelped and hid behind Lu Guang, gripping his shoulders. “Lu Guang, SAVE ME!” he begged, “She’s gonna murder me!”
Lu Guang, instead, shoved him forward like an offering. “Face your consequences with dignity.”
Cheng Xiaoshi dodged Qiao Ling’s fist swing and evacuated the building entirely. Qiao Ling chased him down street, her furious threats echoing across the block.
Lu Guang watched the predator pursue its prey. He shook his head and picked up his suitcase to haul it upstairs.
The cost of a vacation. He’d deal with them later.
It was good to be back.