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"Hey," says Lukas, looking up at Philip's face, "let’s talk about water."
"Water?" Philip echoes, "What about water?"
They're on the couch in Lukas's living room, Philip sitting at one end and Lukas stretched out along the couch with his head in Philip's lap. They've just finished watching an old Disney Channel movie about a boy who turns into a merman, which is probably why Lukas wants to talk about water.
"Yeah. Like, why you're afraid of it," Lukas prods, then he waits for an answer.
Philip chews his lip. Lukas threads their fingers together and strokes the back of Philip's hand with his thumb in a soothing sort of way.
"I don't know," Philip admits, "it's just...the idea of drowning..."
"You never learned to swim?" Lukas asks.
"Swimming lessons for kids cost money," Philip reminds him.
"I guess I never thought about it like that," Lukas says quietly, "All the kids out here had swimming lessons. Did your mom ever try to teach you? Don't you guys have like a river out there?"
Philip laughs. "The Hudson? You think my mom took me out to swim in the Hudson River?"
"I don't know man," Lukas says, shrugging.
"If you'd ever seen the Hudson, you'd get why that's funny," Philip tells him, "but no. I've never been swimming."
"Hmm," says Lukas, and he leans up to kiss Philip, and the subject is dropped.
*****
Come over, Lukas's text reads, bring extra boxers.
Bring extra boxers? Philip reads that a few times, trying to make sense of it. Why the hell would he need extra boxers? He shoves a pair of boxer-briefs into his back pocket anyway.
Lukas is waiting for him outside, leaning against his bike and holding out Philip's helmet.
"Where are we going and why do I need extra underwear?" Philip asks without preamble
"I'm house sitting for a friend of my dad's. Feeding the fish and watering plants and shit," Lukas says like that's an explanation.
"And... you need my help with that?"
Lukas rolls his eyes. "Just get on the damn bike."
Philip does it, although he's suspicious as hell. He's kind of hoping that Lukas is alluding to an empty house where they can like...do stuff, but he also can't imagine Lukas being cool with getting it on in his dad's friend's house, so he's left with no ideas.
It's so hot out—the air whipping around them on the bike is humid and gross and does nothing to cool Philip down. By the time they reach the house (which is really, really nice), Philip's got sweat dripping down his back and the front of his shirt sticks to Lukas as he pulls back to dismount. Maybe the extra underwear is to change when he sweats his balls off.
Lukas lets them in and Philip follows him around the house as he feeds the fish, waters the plants and check the doors and windows. It's not much cooler inside—this house definitely has AC but since the owners are out of town, he assumes they left it off to save on the electric bill.
Lukas apparently finishes checking all the things he needs to, but instead of going back out to his bike, he opens the back door and motions for Philip to follow him into the backyard. It’s a really gorgeous yard, lots of grass and a little gazebo and—
Lukas is unbuttoning his jeans—normally one of Philip’s favorite thing to see—but when he realizes why, he feels his stomach drop like he missed a step while walking downstairs. Lukas is standing in front of a huge swimming pool, which is glittering menacingly in the glaring sunlight.
“No,” says Philip, shaking his head violently and stepping back into the house, “no no no no no— “
“Stop freaking out,” Lukas calls to him, “You can sit over there.”
“You’re gonna try and pull me in!” Philip accuses from the living room. He’s closed and locked the screen door just in case Lukas is thinking about ambushing him and dragging him into the pool.
“No,” Lukas yells back, “I promise. I won’t touch you—I just want to get in there for a sec cause it’s freaking hot out.”
“You planned this,” says Philip, stalling, refusing to believe that Lukas just happened to bring him along and then just suddenly decided to go for a swim, “Is this why you told me to bring more boxers? Cause you’re going to try to get me to swim?”
“Come on,” Lukas says. He’s moved to the other side of the screen door, jeans hanging open, squinting in to look at Philip from outside, “I told you to bring extra boxers in case you cream your pants watching me strip.”
Lukas finds his eyes and smiles at him. It’s a funny joke, but Philip can’t smile back.
“Come on,” he repeats, “you don’t have to do anything. There’s like a lawn chair out here, you can just lay out in the sun. You can even go in the gazebo if you want.”
“Can I just watch you from here?” Philip asks.
“You can’t see the pool from inside the house, dumbass,” Lukas says, “I’ll even get in naked if that’ll make you come outside.”
That’s tempting. Philip cautiously unlocks the door and slides it open an inch.
“There you are,” says Lukas. True to his word, he doesn’t grab Philip or try to touch him at all. He just steps back and allows Philip to leave the house at his own pace.
Philip walks back out onto the stepping stones in the grass and takes the long route to the lawn chair as far as possible from the water while Lukas returns to the poolside. Lukas kicks off his shoes and socks, then lets his jeans fall to the ground. He’s wearing swimming trunks under his jeans, the bastard. The sudden desire to swim was not spontaneous. Liar.
“I promise I won’t be in long,” Lukas says, pulling his shirt over his head. Philip sits down and glares at him.
Lukas takes a deep breath, still smiling, and dives right into the deep end. Philip grips the edge of the lawn chair as he watches Lukas’s head disappear under the water and counts the seconds until he reemerges. His heart is pounding in his ears. One...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine...ten...ele—
Lukas bobs to the top, pushing his hair out of his face and spitting water out of his mouth.
“Oh man,” he says, rubbing his eyes and treading water, “it’s so nice in here dude.”
Philip crosses his arms over his chest because he’s worried Lukas will be able to see his heart thudding if he doesn’t.
“Oh right,” Lukas remembers, “I said I’d take off my trunks if you came out and watched.” Philip can’t see what he’s doing but his arm disappears and he can guess that Lukas has reached for the drawstring. Philip has never felt less like looking at him naked. He shakes his head at Lukas.
“Don’t—you don’t have to,” he says.
“Will it make you feel better?” Lukas asks.
“Not really,” Philip admits.
“Okay,” Lukas sort of does a weird shrug in the water, then flips onto his back and closes his eyes, floating on the surface. He looks way too much like a dead body—pale and soaked. Philip shivers despite the crushing heat.
Lukas opens his eyes and glances over at Philip. Philip’s pretty sure he looks awful, and that’s confirmed by the concerned expression on Lukas’s face as he swims over to the shallow end and ascends the little staircase leading out of the pool. He pads over to Philip, his feet making a wet smack on the stone with every step, and then he sits on the ground next to Philip’s feet, dripping water everywhere.
“What if I taught you how to swim?” Lukas asks him quietly.
“I don’t want to get in, ever,” says Philip. Has he not made that clear?
“You should learn how to swim,” Lukas says, more firmly, “Everybody should know how to swim. I could teach you. Don’t you think you’d be less afraid of the water if you knew you could get out on your own?”
“Can we leave now?” Philip asks, avoiding the question and Lukas’s eyes.
“Alright,” says Lukas, shaking his head and flinging drops of water all over Philip’s shirt and jeans. He stands up, looks around and then says “Uh...can you go get me a towel from the bathroom? I forgot to grab one before I jumped in.”
Philip turns to walk into the house. He feels better with every step he takes away from the pool and before he closes the screen door he calls back, “Aren’t we lucky I didn’t get in too? Then you’d have no one to get you a towel.”
“Yeah but you’d be wet and mostly naked,” Lukas calls back, “Worth it!” Philip smirks to himself as he opens the bathroom door.
*****
Lukas drops Philip back off at home after a peaceful afternoon of sitting in Lukas’s room (with the door wide open because his dad was home, which Lukas assured Philip was a rule even when he was with Rose) blasting the air conditioner and watching Netflix. Philip gets off the back of Lukas’s bike and hands Lukas the helmet. Lukas discards it next to the bike, takes off his own helmet and tosses it aside as well.
“I’ll walk you up,” he says, leaving the bike on the kickstand.
They get up to the front door and Philip is about to kiss him goodnight when Lukas wraps his arms around Philip and pulls him tight in a hug.
“Have you thought any more about letting me teach you how to swim?” he murmurs into Philip’s hair, “The Johnsons are gonna be gone for a few more weeks and they’re cool with me using the pool as much as I want if we don’t make a mess. I promise you could at least learn to tread water by the time they get back.”
Philip’s not sure why Lukas is pushing this so much, but he knows it’s coming from a good place, and he’s kind of worried that Lukas isn’t going to drop it until he caves.
“I promise,” Lukas starts again, “I promise you’ll never have to put your head under the water. I won’t even let go of you.” He’s still holding tight to Philip and is now speaking into his neck.
“You’re making a lot of promises today,” Philip observes, again avoiding answering the question.
“Let me try next time, okay?” Lukas persists, “Okay?”
Philip takes a deep breath. If there’s anyone he feels safe trying this with, it’s Lukas. He knows Lukas will literally hold his hand the whole time if he needs it.
“Fine,” he whispers, burying his face in Lukas’s hair and inhaling deeply. It still smells like chlorine and Philip has to fight a sudden wave of panic. Lukas squeezes him for a second, then lets go and pulls back, smiling.
“Awesome,” says Lukas, clapping him on the shoulder like a total bro, and then leaning in and kissing him enthusiastically on the mouth, which Philip feels pretty much sums up Lukas as a person and their relationship.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, stepping backwards away from Philip for a few paces, then quickly rushing forward for “one more kiss.”
*****
Philip does not see Lukas tomorrow. He’s actually with Gabe for the next few days. Gabe has started bringing Philip along when he does house calls sometimes, in exchange for a hefty increase in his allowance. The main thing Philip has learned from it is that he has no desire whatsoever to be a veterinarian and that animals really smell, but it’s pretty easy—he’s mostly just responsible for helping keep the animals calm and restraining them while Gabe does his thing—and the money is too good to turn down. He’s used it to take Lukas on a series of increasingly cool dates into the city, so he feels the payoff is definitely worth the work. Plus, Gabe seems to really enjoy talking to him about the animals and that’s worth something to him as well.
In all, it’s four days before they’re able to get back over to the pool together. Philip tries not to seem nervous, but he ends up telling Lukas an incredibly gross story about watching Gabe lance an abscess in a cow while Lukas waters the plants in the house. It made Philip want to vomit at the time, but he can tell Lukas really likes these stories so he tells them anyway.
“That’s sick!” Lukas laughs, putting the watering can away, “So he just stuck a bucket under there and caught all the pus with it?”
“Oh God I can’t talk about this anymore,” Philip tells him, “You should be the one doing this with Gabe.”
“I don’t want to be a vet, dude,” says Lukas, “I just want to ride my bike.”
“Right,” Philip tells him, crossing his arms over his chest again. He knows pool time is coming—Lukas is done with his chores and any minute now—
“Okay,” says Lukas, putting a hand on each of Philip’s biceps, “let’s get you in the water.”
“Oh man,” says Philip, in a last-ditch effort to avoid this, “I just realized I forgot extra underwear.”
“Oh, nice try,” says Lukas, grinning. He reaches into his backpack, which he brought with him, and pulls out a brand new pair of swim trunks, tossing them at Philip, “I bought these for you. Let’s go.”
“Shouldn’t I go put them on?” Philip asks, thinking he can maybe lock himself in the bathroom and feign illness.
“Just change with me next to the pool,” says Lukas, unlocking the back door, “It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”
Philip takes the same long route around the pool and takes his pants, shoes and socks off very, very slowly, folding them and placing them on the lawn chair, and pulling on the swim trunks Lukas bought him, which surprisingly fit very well. Lukas tosses his backpack down, which Philip can see he has packed full of towels, and strips quickly, leaving his clothes in a heap next to the backpack.
“You don’t even have to go in past your knees today,” he tells Philip, “We’re literally gonna just get your feet wet.”
Lukas walks over to the stairs at the shallow end, turns and waits for Philip.
“Aren’t you gonna take your shirt off?” he calls.
“You said—” Philip swallows, “You said I didn’t have to go in that far.”
“No dude, I just wanna see you with your shirt off,” Lukas replies, smirking at him and raising his eyebrows. Well. Philip’s not going to argue with that. He leaves his shirt with the rest of his clothes on the lawn chair.
I’m just walking to Lukas, he tells himself as he walks toward the pool—trying not to think about how much it feels like trudging towards his execution— watch Lukas.
“Let’s do it,” says Lukas, once Philip has approached him, and Lukas grabs his hands and guides him onto the first step. Lukas goes down a couple steps below him and waits, still holding both his hands. Philip looks at his feet—with the water distortion it makes him feel like he’s looking at someone else’s feet.
“One more,” Lukas tells him, and he cautiously descends one more step, which puts him underwater to just below his knees.
“You good? You’re not saying anything,” Lukas prompts.
“Uh...it’s warmer than I thought,” Philip comments, because what does Lukas even want him to say? That this is awesome? It’s not. It’s terrifying. He’d be much more nervous about the steps if he wasn’t holding hands with Lukas because what if he slipped and fell and then drowned in three feet of water? What a way to die.
“Yeah, the pool’s heated,” says Lukas, “Not that it really needs to be in the summer, but...” he shrugs, then steps down so he’s on the floor of the shallow end.
Philip realizes that the grip he has on Lukas’s hands is probably causing him to lose feeling in his fingers, but Lukas hasn’t said anything about it. Philip tries to loosen his hold without giving away how much he’s shaking.
“It’s fine,” says Lukas, “hold as tight as you want. Can you do one more step?”
Philip nods, chewing on his lip. He drops one more step—Lukas has broken a promise. He’s now past his knees—mid-thigh, to be exact. The hem of his swimming trunks is now submerged—it feels weird to be purposely getting his clothes wet.
“Tell you what,” says Lukas, dropping his eyes to Philip’s legs under the water, “How about we get you onto the floor of the shallow end? That’s all we’ll do today.”
“You won’t try to make me go deeper?” Philip asks. He can hear the apprehension in his own voice and it makes him wince.
“Nope,” says Lukas, shaking his head. Philip takes a very deep breath, squeezes Lukas’s hands even tighter, and steps onto the floor of the pool. The water fills his swim trunks and makes them balloon out around his legs—it reaches up nearly to his waist, a little lower on Lukas.
“Hey,” Lukas tells him softly, dropping their joined hands into the water, “you’re in here.”
“Yeah,” says Philip, breathing out shakily and trying to smile. His nerves are slowly melting away—he’s in the water, nothing is happening—he’s just holding hands with Lukas and they’re standing in the water.
Lukas gently withdraws his hands from Philip’s, only to drape them loosely around Philip’s waist. He leans in to kiss Philip—softly, unhurried, eyes closed. It’s comforting in a way Philip can’t really describe, he just kisses back and lets the the shaking abate in its own time—Lukas’s hands creeping up his sides and around his back.
“You’re doing good,” Lukas murmurs to him, stepping a little closer and kissing below his ear, running his hands over Philip’s shoulders and down his arms, “Really good.”
The comforting closeness is doing more to combat his nerves than anything else Lukas could’ve tried. It’s literally impossible to feel anxious with Lukas ghosting his lips over Philip’s neck and rubbing his arms the way he is... It would be a total turn on anywhere else, but in here, outside his comfort zone, it’s just soothing familiarity. He runs his fingers all over Lukas’s naked upper body, closing his eyes as he skims across the memorized map of Lukas’s skin.
“We can get out whenever you want,” Lukas says into his hair, “I kinda want to go home now.”
Philip hears the implication behind the statement; go home and be alone. He assumes that since Lukas is comfortable in the water, what Philip had experienced as a relaxation exercise felt more like foreplay to Lukas.
“We can go,” Philip agrees. Lukas leads him out of the water, and Philip relishes the feeling of being back on dry land, sure on his feet. It’s like all his hormones rush back into his body and he can’t wait to get home and into the solitude of his bedroom.
*****
Two days later, they’re back standing in front of the pool again, and Lukas is guiding him down the steps.
“You’re gonna be amazed at how easy it is, dude,” Lukas says enthusiastically. Philip doesn’t believe him, but he just keeps saying things like, “You’re gonna be awesome,” and “You won’t even remember what it was like to be scared after you get used to it.” Philip doesn’t want to get used to it. He wants to learn how to not die, then never use the knowledge again.
But he can’t bring himself to say so to Lukas. He’s too excited, too pumped up about the victory of getting Philip into the pool, and Philip can’t bear to be a downer. So he smiles and says “Sure, Lukas, sure,” and steps down onto the floor of the pool.
“We’re just gonna go in up to your shoulders,” Lukas tells him, and before he can even worry about it, he feels the water at his elbows, “That way I can show you what to do with your arms but you can keep your feet on the floor.”
“Okay,” says Lukas, and he waves Philip’s arms around in a ridiculous flapping motion.
“What the hell was that?” Philip asks, “That’s not swimming, that’s like flailing—like having a seizure.”
“Yeah, cause your arms are all floppy,” Lukas says, “Hold them like this.”
He demonstrates with arms stiff and out to his sides, slightly bent at the elbow, and Philip copies him.
“Now try it,” Lukas tells him. Philip does the motion again—he feels his arms cutting through the water and it sort of makes sense how this movement could help keep someone afloat.
“And honestly you just like, kick your legs,” says Lukas, “I’ll just—is it okay if I let go of you for a sec and show you so you can try it next time?” Philip hesitates.
“Can I go back to the shallow end first?” he asks.
“You can’t see my legs from there,” Lukas tells him, and it’s true, so Philip just bites his tongue.
“Here—grab onto the side of the pool,” Lukas says, and Philip grasps it like a life raft.
Lukas goes out a foot or so deeper and kicks his legs in a scissoring motion. Philip hates to admit it, but it really doesn’t look that complicated. He’s positive it’s harder than it seems though, and that he’s going to sink like a stone the moment he attempts it.
“See?” says Lukas, “Just kick like this, and do the arm motion I showed you and that’s it. No drowning. You don’t even have to get your hair wet.”
Lukas is beaming and treading water like it’s nothing. Philip is clinging to the side of the pool so hard his nail beds are turning white. The contrast between the two of them has never been so stark.
Lukas does a couple of graceful strokes with his arms and then he’s back at Philip’s side, holding his hands again and making his heartbeat slow down and speed up at the same time.
“I’m not sure if I should try to make you do it today, or next time,” Lukas admits, “Is giving you more time gonna help you calm down, or are you just going to psych yourself out and not be able to do it?”
“Uh,” says Philip, not sure what the truth is but willing to say anything to get out of trying it now, “no, it’ll calm me down to wait.”
“Alright, if you think so,” says Lukas suspiciously. Philip can tell Lukas doesn’t really believe him, but he doesn’t push it, and Philip wades back into the shallow end and makes to get out.
“Wait,” Lukas stops him and Philip closes his eyes, bracing himself to defend his position of oh yeah it’ll totally be easier next time.
“Here, sit on the second step with me,” says Lukas, gently pushing Philip’s shoulders. He sinks onto the step, eyeing Lukas. Sitting in the water is not pleasant—he feels like he might slide off the step and like, he’s tall, but not tall enough that his head won’t be underwater if he’s sitting on the floor of the pool.
“Hold your legs out,” Lukas instructs, and Philip copies him. Lukas shows him the kicking motion and has Philip imitate it from a sitting position—Philip privately thinks it’s not necessary, but he’s just stalling at this point and anything is better than having to go into the deep end.
*****
“Hey,” Philip whispers into the phone.
“Hi,” Lukas whispers back.
“What’s up?” Philip asks. Lukas usually texts him this late at night—not that either of them have an enforced bedtime during the summer, but just in case the phone ringing wakes up any parents.
“Nothin’.” Lukas pauses.
“Then...why’d you call me?” It’s not that he’s exactly opposed to hearing Lukas’s voice at all hours of the day and night, it’s just Lukas isn’t really the kind of guy who calls just to chat.
“Well...I just wanted to see if tomorrow is a good day to go back to the pool,” Lukas admits.
“Jesus,” Philip sighs, “The pool again.”
“What?” says Lukas, “You said...”
“No, I know what I said,” Philip snaps—then he cringes because he didn’t mean to get snippy, “Sorry. It’s fine. We can go.”
“Is—Is there...” Lukas takes a deep breath, then tries again, “Is there anything else that like...I could do to make this easier? I tried to find you those little arm floaty things but they don’t make them big enough for you.”
Despite his annoyance, Philip can’t help but giggle at that.
“You really like swimming, don’t you?” he asks Lukas. It had never occurred to Philip that Lukas might get real enjoyment out of the act of swimming, of being immersed in water.
“Yeah, it’s fun,” says Lukas, “and I mean, it’s important to know. What if we go on like a cruise or some shit someday and you fall in the ocean? I don’t want you to freaking drown because nobody ever made you learn how to swim.”
“Okay, first of all,” Philip starts, “No way am I ever going on a cruise, although it’s kind of cute that you’re already planning our vacations together— “
“I wasn’t,” Lukas interrupts, a little too vehemently. Philip continues.
“—but you seem to really like getting me in there and I want to know what’s up with that.”
Even over the phone Philip can feel Lukas hesitating. He kind of thinks he knows where this is going, but he wants to hear Lukas say it—Lukas is making him go outside his of comfort zone, the least he can do is return the favor.
“You look really good in the trunks,” Lukas mutters, so quietly Philip probably wouldn’t have understood him had he not been expecting a reply like that.
“I’m sorry, what?” Philip smirks, just to make Lukas repeat it.
“I know you heard me—I can hear you smiling, asshole,” Lukas grumbles.
“So why not just ask me to wear the trunks at your house?” Philip persists, “I’d wear whatever you— “
“It’s not just the trunks,” Lukas admits, “It’s like...being in the water with you...”
“I don’t get it,” Philip replies. He totally gets it. It’s just fun to make Lukas squirm.
Lukas sighs very loudly.
“Remember how we were making out in the water that first time?” Lukas asks finally.
Philip wouldn’t have really called that making out, but he knows what Lukas means.
“Yeah.”
“That was hot,” says Lukas.
“Oh, really?” He’s grinning and Lukas can probably tell, but he doesn’t care, “Have I like, stumbled on some secret fantasy?”
“Yeah, whatever,” Lukas says, but Philip knows he’s got him.
“Okay, I’m interested,” Philip tells him, sliding deep under the covers, “Let’s hear it.”
“Fine,” says Lukas, “I want to kiss you under the water.”
“What?”
“I want to kiss you under the water. I saw some characters do that in a movie or something and I thought it looked cool so I wanted to try it.”
Philip had been banking on something a little less G-rated, but it’s kind of hilarious that Lukas has been secretly fantasizing about them kissing underwater.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, and I know it’s stupid and you don’t want to put your head all the way under the water but I just...I dunno,” he finishes lamely.
“No, that’s...I can’t promise you anything like that,” Philip says, “But still, thanks for telling me. I like when you say what you want.”
“Yeah?” Lukas laughs, and he sounds truly relieved. Philip’s not sure what kind of consequences he was expecting for this admission. Did he think Philip was going to broadcast their conversation to the whole school or what?
“Of course,” Philip tells him.
“So we’ll go to the pool tomorrow?” Lukas confirms.
“Yes, Lukas,” says Philip, “See you tomorrow.”
*****
Philip’s been in the shallow end long enough now that he thinks he might be getting used to the feel of walking around in the water, and it barely bothers him anymore. Which is cool, but he doesn’t really see how it helps because he’s just as apprehensive about the deep end as ever. He knows he’s going to lose his mind the second his feet aren’t touching the floor and he doesn’t really want Lukas to see him like that.
Lukas, however, is approaching the whole thing with a sort of banal cheerfulness that both makes Philip want to hug him and maybe kick him.
“Grab onto the side again and come forward,” Lukas tells him.
“I can’t go any further,” says Philip. He’s in up to his neck. One more step would put his head underwater.
“Yes you can,” Lukas says firmly, and Philip realizes that Lukas wants him where his feet aren’t touching the ground. Lukas holds the side of the pool, surges forward, and kisses Philip on the lips. Philip almost feels like Lukas has transferred some of his own courage into Philip with the kiss—he’s still afraid, but he feels like he can at least try it.
“O... Okay....” says Philip, and grabs the side of the pool with both hands so hard he feels the bumps of concrete digging into his skin. He inches sideways until, even on his tiptoes, he’s out in the empty vastness of the water. He scissors his legs a few times, trying to get used to the water resistance, testing how hard he needs to kick. Lukas is a foot in front of him and treading water easily.
“Awesome,” says Lukas, beaming, “Really awesome. You’re amazing.” Philip is reminded strongly of the first time Lukas told him he was amazing, and the way his heart leapt into his throat sitting there in the cabin. As far as Philip is concerned, that was Lukas making the first move—and it was pretty brave. If Lukas could do that for him, he can do this for Lukas.
“When you’re ready, let go of the side and—why are your teeth chattering? Are you actually cold?” Lukas asks.
“N-No, you j-jerk,” says Philip, without anger, “I’m f-freaking t-t-terrified. But I c-can do it.”
Lukas just keeps grinning. “Let go with one hand, start kicking, and do the arm thing I showed you last time.”
Philip starts kicking before he lets go, and he’s surprised at how even just that seems to buoy him a little bit. He’s astonished that his arm seems to just know what to do—he barely has to focus on getting it to repeat the motion they practiced last time.
“Great!” Lukas exclaims, and he looks so excited and happy that Philip can’t help but smile back, “Okay, last step—when you’re ready just take your other arm off and do the same thing with it. I’m not going anywhere, just grab me if you need to and we’ll stop.”
Philip privately thinks he will never be ready, but it’s really not going to get any easier the longer he thinks about it. He lets go.
In the immediate aftermath of letting go of the side, his head sinks so that his mouth is briefly underwater, but he kicks hard with his legs and pushes out with his arms and within seconds he’s back up to chin level.
“You got it!” Lukas almost yells, “Now you know what to do and you’ll never drown. Congrats, dude!”
Philip laughs. He’s not even remotely at ease, but Lukas looks like all his dreams are coming true at once, and in a moment of reckless courage—or maybe just love—Philip looks at Lukas’s lips, smiles shyly, and allows himself to sink all the way under the water—continually reminding himself that he can get back up the second he needs to.
Lukas gets the hint and dips down underneath within milliseconds, and before Philip can think too much about what’s happening, he leans forward underwater and lets their lips meet quickly. It’s probably not the romantic moment Lukas was hoping for—Philip’s legs are kicking bubbles into their faces and he can’t really touch Lukas with his hands because his arms are sort of flapping out to the sides—but it’s what he’s able to offer, and when they come up for air, Lukas is smiling so widely that Philip feels like his heart might burst with affection.
“Sorry,” he gasps to Lukas, gripping onto the side of the pool once more, “Sorry it wasn’t like, you know, what you were imagining. I just— “
And then Lukas is kissing him hard, one hand tangling behind him in his wet hair, then touching his neck, then his jaw.
“This was better,” Lukas whispers onto his lips, and Philip closes his eyes. God, he’s in so deep—and this is something worth drowning for.