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Eddie had known something was wrong the moment Buck had sneezed before breakfast.
Not because Buck sneezed particularly often when he was healthy. He did.
But there was a difference between a healthy Buck sneeze and a sick Buck sneeze.
A healthy Buck sneeze was usually one or two sharp, startled explosions that seemed to come from nowhere.
A sick Buck sneeze was an event.
It built. It gathered momentum. It dragged half his respiratory system into the proceedings and left him looking personally offended by the existence of pollen, dust, viruses, oxygen, and possibly the entire human race.
That morning, Buck had sneezed six times before Eddie had even finished pouring his coffee.
“AITCH! AITCH! AITCH! AITCH! AITCH! HA-HA-HAITSHOO!”
He had then stared blearily at the kitchen counter.
Eddie had stared at him.
Buck had sniffed.
Eddie had sighed.
“Go back to bed.”
“I’m fine.”
“You just sneezed six times.”
“Five.”
“Six.”
“The last one was more of a cough.”
“It absolutely was not.”
Buck had sniffed again.
His nose was bright red.
His eyes were watery.
His hair was sticking up in approximately seventeen different directions, and he was wearing an old sleep shirt and sweatpants that had become his unofficial uniform whenever he was sick.
He looked miserable.
He also looked stubborn.
Which meant Eddie knew exactly how the rest of the morning was going to go.
“You’re staying home,” Eddie said.
Buck opened his mouth.
“No,” Eddie interjects before Buck could even get a word out.
“But—”
“No.”
“I could just—”
“No.”
“I’m not even scheduled to—”
“Buck.”
That stopped him.
Buck blinked.
Eddie pointed toward the hallway.
“Bed.”
Buck sniffed.
“But I don't feel that bad.”
“You look like death.”
“Rude.”
“You look like a very handsome death.”
“That’s better.”
“Bed.”
Buck sighed dramatically.
Then he sneezed again.
“HAH—HAH—HE’TCHIEW!”
He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand.
Eddie grimaced.
“Tissue.”
“I’m going.”
“Use a tissue.”
“I was going to.”
“You were absolutely going to wipe your nose on your sleeve.”
“I was not.”
“You were thinking about it.”
Buck gave him a wounded look.
“I would never.”
Eddie raised an eyebrow.
Buck lasted three seconds.
“Okay, maybe.”
“Bed.”
Buck shuffled away.
Eddie watched him disappear down the hallway. Then he looked at the clock.
He had a shift.
He hated leaving Buck when he was sick.
He hated it even more because Buck had a tendency to turn a minor cold into a full-scale production involving stubbornness, denial, and at least one questionable decision.
Still, Eddie had been assured that Buck would stay home.
He had tucked him into bed.
Left water on the nightstand.
Left tissues within arm's reach.
Made sure Buck had his phone.
He had put cough syrup, cold medicine, and painkillers on the bedside table.
He had even written down the dosing instructions because experience had taught him that sick Buck should not be trusted with arithmetic.
“Do not take anything more than the label says,” Eddie had warned.
Buck had looked offended.
“I know how medicine works.”
“You once took two doses of cough medicine because you forgot you had already taken one.”
“That was one time.”
“And you took them fifteen minutes apart.”
“I was sick.”
“Exactly.”
Buck had rolled his eyes.
Then he had sneezed.
“HAHHH-HE’TCHIEW!”
Eddie had kissed his forehead.
“You're staying in bed.”
“I love you too.”
“I love you more.”
“That’s impossible.”
“Prove it by staying in bed.”
Buck had grumbled something unintelligible.
Eddie had left.
He had expected to come back twenty four hours later to find his husband exactly where he had left him.
Perhaps asleep.
Perhaps watching television.
Definitely congested.
Probably surrounded by tissues.
He had not expected to receive a call from an unknown number.
Especially not one where his husband sounded like he was attempting to communicate through a blocked drain.
Eddie was halfway through checking equipment when his phone vibrated.
Unknown number.
He frowned.
Usually, he ignored unknown numbers, but this one had an instinctive sense of wrongness attached to it.
He answered.
“Hello?”
There was silence.
Then a sniff. A wet, rattling sniff.
Another sniff.
Then—
“AITCH! HA-AITCHOO!”
Eddie froze.
“HA-AITCH! AITCH!”
His stomach dropped.
“Buck?”
There was a pause.
“Eddie?”
“Yes.”
“Hi.”
“What’s wrong?”
Another sniff.
“Can you cobe ged be frob the bolice statiod?”
Eddie stared at the phone.
“The what?”
“The bolice statiod.”
“The police station?”
“Yes.”
Eddie was already moving.
“Why are you at the police station?”
“I'b dot really sure.”
That was not reassuring.
“Are you ok?”
“I thigk ss—so HA-AITCHEW! so.”
“What happened?”
Buck sniffed.
Then sneezed.
“HAH—HAH—HE’TCHIEW!”
There was a muffled groan.
“Bless you,” Eddie said automatically.
“Thag you.”
“Buck.”
“Yeah?”
“Why are you at the police station?”
“I forgod.”
“You forgot why you're at the police station?”
“Ndo, I forgod why I was sobewhere else.”
Eddie closed his eyes.
This was going badly.
“Are you hurt?”
“Ndo.”
“Did somebody hurt you?”
“Ndo.”
“Are you alone?”
“I'b with bolice officers.”
Eddie's stomach jumped into his throat.
“I'm coming.”
“Okay.”
“I'll be there as fast as I can.”
“Okay.”
There was another sniff.
Then Buck whispered, “I'b cold.”
Eddie's heart clenched.
“I’m coming baby. Just hold on.”
“Okay.”
Eddie hung up and turned toward Bobby.
“I need to leave.”
Bobby had already heard enough to know this was not going to be a normal early departure.
“Buck?”
“Police station.”
Bobby blinked. “Police station?”
“Apparently.”
“Is he okay?”
“I don't know.”
“Go.”
Eddie was already grabbing his jacket.
“Thanks.”
“Call me when you know what's going on.”
Eddie nodded.
Then he ran.
The police station was not far.
It still felt like it took forever.
Eddie's mind supplied every possible catastrophe.
Buck had been injured.
Buck had gotten confused.
Buck had been mugged.
Buck had gotten into some kind of accident.
Buck had—
No.
Buck had called so that meant he was conscious even if he wasn’t fully coherent.
That didn't mean he wasn't hurt.
That didn't mean something terrible hadn't happened.
And the worst part was that Buck had sounded so sick.
Eddie had heard Buck sick before.
He knew the sound of his husband's congestion, the little hitch before a sneeze, the wet cough, the miserable sniffing, the hoarse voice.
But there had been something different in Buck's voice on the phone.
Something sluggish. Something disconnected.
Feverish.
Eddie's foot pressed harder on the accelerator.
He arrived at the station and practically threw himself out of the truck.
The officer at the front desk looked up.
“Can I help you?”
“Evan Buckley-Diaz. My husband. He called me from here.”
Recognition crossed the officer's face.
“Yeah. He's in the back.”
“Is he hurt?”
“No.”
“Is he under arrest?”
“No.”
“Then why is he here?”
The officer exchanged a look with his colleague.
“Well…”
That was never a good start.
Eddie followed him through the station.
And then he saw Buck.
His heart nearly stopped.
Buck was sitting on a bench against the wall.
Slumped. Head tipped back. Eyes closed.
There was a box of tissues beside him. Or rather, what remained of one.
The box looked like it had been through a natural disaster.
Used tissues were overflowing from the small trash can beside him.
Buck's hair was a mess.
His face was flushed.
His lips were dry.
His nose was bright red.
He was wearing exactly what Eddie had left him in that morning.
Sleep shirt. Sweatpants. No jacket. No shoes.
Eddie stopped dead.
“What the hell?”
Buck's eyes opened.
They were glassy and red-rimmed.
For one second, there was no recognition.
Then Buck's face softened.
“Eddie.”
The relief in his voice nearly broke Eddie's heart.
Eddie hurried across the room.
He crouched in front of him and immediately put a hand against the back of his neck.
“Jesus Christ.”
Buck was burning.
“What happened?”
Buck stared at him.
Then his nose twitched.
Eddie knew what was coming.
“Buck—”
Buck snapped forward.
“AITCH!”
He gasped.
“AITCH! AITCH!”
His whole body jerked.
“HA-HA-HAITSHOO!”
He barely got one breath.
“HE’TCHIIEEWWW! HE’ITCHOOO!”
He sagged forward.
Eddie grabbed his shoulder.
“Easy.”
Buck sniffed wetly.
“AITCHOO!”
His eyes squeezed shut.
“CHOO! CHOO!”
Finally he stopped.
He sat there trembling, breathing through his mouth.
Eddie pulled tissues from the battered box.
“Blow your nose.”
Buck took them.
He blew.
Hard. Very hard.
The resulting sound was enormous.
One officer looked away.
The other visibly fought a smile.
Buck blew his nose again.
And again.
And again.
By the time he finally stopped, he looked exhausted.
He stared miserably at Eddie.
“Cad we go hobe ndow?”
Eddie's expression softened.
“I’ll check. What happened baby?”
Buck shrugged.
“I dod’t full- full- ee- ee- ah-AH HATCHIEW! HA-HAITSHOO! Fully rebember.”
Eddie looked at the officers.
“What happened?”
The first officer cleared his throat.
“Your husband isn't under arrest.”
“I understand.”
“He walked out of a pharmacy without paying.”
Eddie blinked.
“What?”
“With a box of cold medication.”
Eddie looked at Buck.
Buck looked back.
“I was goig do bay.”
“You walked out without paying.”
“I forgod.”
The officer nodded.
“He was also wandering around the neighborhood afterward.”
Eddie's eyebrows rose.
“Wandering?”
“He was stumbling.”
“Stumbling?”
“He was sneezing on someone's rose bush.”
Eddie stared.
Buck looked offended.
“It was a nice rose bush.”
One officer coughed.
Eddie pressed his lips together.
He was not going to laugh. Not yet.
“Okay,” Eddie said carefully. “Can you tell me exactly what happened?”
The officer explained.
Buck had entered the pharmacy.
He had gone directly to the cold-and-flu aisle and apparently stood there for several minutes.
Then, he had sneezed repeatedly at the shelf before picking up a box of cold medication and walking straight out.
An employee had called the police.
The officers had found him a few blocks away wandering through a residential neighborhood.
At some point, he had stopped beside a picket fence and sneezed repeatedly onto someone's rose bush.
The homeowner had apparently been very confused.
Buck had apologized to the rose bush.
Eddie stared at his husband.
“You apologized to a plant?”
Buck sniffed.
“Id was suffering. I didn’t wad id do ged sigck.”
One of the officers lost the battle.
He laughed.
Eddie's mouth twitched.
Buck looked offended.
“Id was.”
“Okay,” Eddie said. “We'll discuss the rose bush later.”
The officer continued.
“When we approached him, he seemed confused. He also smelled strongly of cough medicine.”
Eddie's expression changed.
“How much did he take?”
Buck looked down.
“I dod't kdow.”
“Buck.”
“I dod't kdow.”
“Did you take cough medicine this morning?”
“You gave be sobe?”
“Yea baby I did. Did you take any after I left?”
“Yea.”
“How much?”
Buck frowned.
“SoBe.”
“How many doses?”
Buck thought.
Then frowned harder.
“Three?”
Eddie closed his eyes.
The officer raised an eyebrow.
“Three?”
“Baybe.”
Eddie inhaled slowly.
“Okay.”
He crouched again.
“Buck, did you take three doses close together?”
“I thought I hadn't daken the first one.”
“So you took another?”
“Yes.”
“And then?”
“I still felt bad.”
Eddie stared at him.
“And then you took another.”
Buck looked sheepish.
“Baybe.”
Eddie rubbed his forehead.
“Jesus.”
The officer gave him a sympathetic look.
“We figured something like that might have happened.”
“Did he drive?”
“No.”
Eddie almost sagged with relief.
“He walked.”
“Barefoot,” the officer added.
Eddie looked down.
Buck's feet were filthy.
“Oh my God.”
“I forgod shoes.”
“And a jacket.”
Buck sniffed.
“I was hot.”
“You have a fever.”
“I kndow that dow.”
“You knew it this morning.”
“Ndo.”
“Yes.”
“Ndo.”
“Buck.”
Buck sneezed.
“AITCH!”
He sniffed.
“AITCH!”
His face crumpled.
“HAH—HAH—HAITSHOO!”
Eddie handed him more tissues.
Buck blew his nose.
It was another spectacular effort.
The officers stared at the floor.
Eddie waited.
Buck finally slumped back against the wall.
“I thigk I sdeezed by brains oud.”
“I think your brains left about an hour ago.”
Buck looked at him.
“Bead.”
“Accurate.”
Buck's lower lip pushed out.
Eddie immediately softened.
“Come on.”
He held out his hand. “Let's get you home.”
Buck took it.
He stood.
And immediately swayed.
Eddie caught him around the waist.
“Whoa.”
Buck blinked.
“I'b okay.”
“No, you're not.”
“I stood up doo fasd.”
“You're sick.”
“I kndow.”
“You're also apparently intoxicated by cough syrup.”
Buck considered this.
“Is dat why the bolice statiod has two frond desks?”
The officers exchanged looks.
Eddie sighed. “Probably.”
Getting Buck into the truck took longer than it should have.
Mostly because Buck kept stopping to sneeze.
And because he was barefoot and his balance was questionable.
And because Eddie had to explain to him three separate times that they were not going back to apologize to the rose bush.
“Bud I lefd abrupdly.”
“You walked away.”
“Sabe thig.”
“No.”
“I thigk id deeds closure.”
“The rose bush does not need closure.”
“You dod't kndow that.”
“I know enough.”
Buck sniffed.
“Fide.”
Then he sneezed.
“HE’TCHIIEEWWW!”
Eddie opened the passenger door.
“Sit.”
Buck sat.
Then immediately curled sideways, resting his head against the window.
Eddie tucked a blanket around him.
“Cold?”
“Mmhmm.”
“You said you were hot.”
“I codtaid bultitudes.”
Despite everything, Eddie laughed.
Buck smiled weakly. “See?”
“You're ridiculous.”
“You barried be.”
“I did.”
“Your fault.”
“Entirely.”
Buck closed his eyes.
Eddie started the engine.
Within minutes, Buck was asleep.
Or something close to it.
He breathed heavily through his mouth.
Every few minutes he sniffed.
Once he sneezed without waking fully.
“AITCH!”
He rubbed his nose.
“AITCH!”
Then he was out again.
Eddie drove home.
He kept glancing over.
His husband looked terrible.
The flush on his cheeks was too deep.
His breathing was too congested.
His eyes were sunken.
And Eddie couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Buck had walked barefoot through the neighborhood with a fever because he'd decided he needed medicine.
It was absurd.
It was also painfully Buck.
At home, Eddie parked in the driveway.
Buck did not wake up.
Eddie opened the passenger door.
“Buck.”
Nothing.
“Buck.”
A sleepy noise.
“We’re home.”
Buck opened his eyes.
“Already?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
He attempted to climb out.
Eddie stopped him.
“Wait.”
“What?”
“Shoes.”
“I dod't have ady.”
“I know.”
Eddie scooped him up.
Buck made a surprised noise. “Eddie!”
“Don't argue.”
“I cad walk.”
“You walked yourself into a police station.”
“That was udrelated.”
“Sure.”
Eddie carried him inside.
Buck rested his head against Eddie's shoulder.
“You sbell good.”
“Nice try baby. You’re way to congested to be smelling anything right now.”
“Still good.”
“You smell like cough syrup.”
“Robadtic.”
Eddie laughed.
He carried Buck straight upstairs.
Then he sat him on the edge of the bed.
“Stay.”
Buck nodded.
Eddie disappeared.
He returned with water.
A thermometer.
Fresh tissues.
A trash can.
And a clean pair of socks.
He put the socks on Buck's feet.
Buck looked down.
“Cute.”
“They're socks.”
“They have ducks.”
“They're your socks.”
“Still cute.”
Eddie pressed the thermometer into his hand.
“Temperature.”
Buck sighed.
He tucked it under his tongue.
Eddie waited.
The thermometer beeped.
Buck handed it back.
Eddie looked.
His expression tightened.
“102.9.”
Buck shrugged.
“Thad's dot terrible.”
“It's not great.”
“I've had worse.”
“I know.”
Eddie sat beside him.
“Okay. We need to figure out what you took.”
Buck frowned.
“Bedicide.”
“I know.”
“Cold bedicide.”
“I know.”
“Cough bedicide.”
“I know.”
“Sobe other thig.”
“What other thing?”
Buck looked genuinely confused.
“I dod't rebember.”
Eddie rubbed his face.
This was going to be a long day.
The first thing Eddie did was inspect the medicine cabinet.
Then the trash.
Then Buck's nightstand.
Then the kitchen counter.
He found the cough syrup, the cold tablets, an empty measuring cup and then he found the note he had left for Buck that morning.
DO NOT DOUBLE DOSE.
Eddie stared at it.
Then he looked at Buck.
“You saw this?”
“Yes.”
“You read it?”
“Yes.”
“And then?”
Buck frowned.
“I thought it said don't be double dose.”
“That is exactly what it says.”
“I thought you were callig be a double dose.”
Eddie blinked.
“What?”
“Ligke a dickdame.”
“You thought I wrote 'don't be double dose'?”
Buck nodded.
“Baybe.”
Eddie stared at him.
Then he started laughing.
He couldn't help it.
Buck's eyebrows drew together.
“Why are you laughig?”
“Because you're sick.”
“That's bead.”
“And high.”
“Also bead.”
“And apparently incapable of reading.”
“I cad read.”
“You thought I called you Double Dose.”
“That would be a terrible dickdame.”
“It would.”
Buck sniffed.
Then his expression changed.
Eddie immediately stopped laughing.
“Oh no.”
Buck's eyes widened.
His nose twitched.
“Eddie.”
“Grab a tissue.”
Buck reached.
“AITCH!”
Too late.
He folded forward.
“AITCH! AITCH!”
Eddie held the box out.
“Come on.”
“HAH—HAH—HA-HA-HAITSHOO!”
Buck gasped.
“HE’TCHIIEEWWW! HE’ITCHOOO!”
He groaned.
“CHOO! CHOO! CHOO!”
Finally, he sagged against Eddie.
Eddie rubbed his back.
“Bless you.”
Buck sniffed.
“Thag you.”
“Blow.”
Buck blew his nose.
Hard.
Then harder.
Then again.
When he finally lowered the tissue, he looked exhausted.
Eddie threw it away.
“Okay.”
He kissed Buck's forehead.
“You're going to sleep.”
“But—”
“No.”
“I deed to—”
“You need to rest.”
“I was tryig to get bedicide.”
“You’ve had enough medicine.”
“We’re rundig out”
“Sweetheart, I could have picked some more up on the way home from shift. Why didn’t you just text me?”
Buck shook his head.
“I wadted id for yo-oo HA-HA-HAITSHOO! AITSHOO! CHOO! you”
Buck sniffles.
Eddie is already handing Buck more tissues.
“Bless you. I don’t need medicine baby. You’re the one who’s sick.”
Buck wraps the offered tissues around his poor red nose and deposits an unholy amount of snot.
“Bud whad if you ged sigck?”
Eddie went still.
Buck looked at him through fever-glazed eyes.
“I deeded the bedicide id case you caught this. I- hi- I-hi hi HIATCHOO! deeded the bedicide to dake ca-ca HA ATCHOO! care of you.”
Something in Eddie's chest cracked open.
“Oh my- Buck.”
Eddie wraps Buck tightly in his arms, feeling Buck sag into his embrace, he tightens it even more.
Of course Buck wasn’t venturing out to get himself anything. He wanted to be prepared in case Eddie caught his cold.
Buck snuffles against Eddie’s chest.
“I was jusd tryig do help.”
“I know.”
“I did't bead to steal id.”
“Baby.”
“I was goig do bay.”
“I know.”
“I jusd forgot.”
“I know baby.”
Buck sniffed.
“I thigk the pharmacy guy was bad.”
“I imagine he was.”
“Add the rose ban.”
“You sneezed on his roses.”
Buck looked miserable.
“I apologized.”
“I know.”
“Do you thigk he forgives be?”
“Probably.”
“Good.”
Buck's eyes started closing.
Eddie pulled the blankets up.
“Sleep baby. I got you”
Buck nodded.
Then his eyes opened again.
“Eds?”
“Yeah?”
“You're dot bad?”
Eddie leaned down.
“I'm terrified.”
Buck's face fell.
“But I'm not mad at you.”
“Probise?”
“Promise.”
Buck relaxed.
His eyes closed.
Within minutes, he was asleep, snoring congestedly.
He woke up forty minutes later.
Sneezing.
“AITCH!”
Eddie opened his eyes from where he’d fallen asleep against the headboard with Buck cuddled against him.
“AITCH!”
Buck twisted toward the tissues.
“AITCH! AITCH!”
He barely got the tissue to his nose.
“HA-HA-HAITSHOO!”
Eddie rubbed his back.
“Bless you.”
Buck's breathing hitched again.
“HE’TCHIIEEWWW!”
“Bless you.”
“HE’ITCHOOO!”
“Bless you.”
“Choo!”
“Bless you.”
“CHOO!”
“Bless you.”
Buck blew his nose.
The first blow was loud.
The second was louder.
The third sounded like it had offended the plumbing.
Eddie waited patiently.
Buck finally looked up.
“Dode.”
“Are you sure?”
Buck sniffed.
“Probably dot.”
Eddie handed him another tissue.
“Keep it.”
Buck sighed.
He leaned back.
“I hate beig sigck.”
Eddie presses a kiss to Buck’s curls.
“I know.”
“I hate sdeezig.”
Another kiss
“I know.”
“I hate havig a sduffy dose.”
Another kiss
“Mm.”
“I hate cough syrup.”
Eddie laughs
“I think the problem was you liked it a little too much.”
Buck frowns.
“I hate bolice statiods.”
Eddie smiled.
“That's probably reasonable.”
Buck looked at him.
“Do you thigk they'll pud be od a list?”
“What list?”
“The dadgerous pharbacy custobers list.”
Eddie laughed.
“I don't think that's a thing.”
“What about the rose bush?”
“Buck.”
“Whad?”
“You sneezed on a plant.”
“I apologized.”
“You did.”
“Very sidcerely.”
“I believe you.”
Buck nodded.
Then frowned.
“Eds?”
“Yeah?”
“Why are you here?”
Eddie stared at him.
“Because you're sick.”
“Ndo.”
“I came to get you.”
“But you're subbosed to be ad work.”
“I left.”
“You lefd your shift?”
“Yes.”
“Because of be?”
“Yes.”
Buck looked guilty.
“I didn't bead to bake you leave.”
“You didn't make me do anything.”
“Bud you left.”
“Because you're my husband.”
Buck's eyes softened.
“You love be.”
“Very much.”
“I love you doo.”
“I know.”
Buck's nose twitched.
Eddie immediately reached for the tissues.
“Again?”
Buck groaned.
“I think so.”
“Here.”
Buck took them.
“AITCH! AITCH! HAH—HAH—HAITSHOO!”
He gasped.
“HE’TCHIIEEWWW! HE’ITCHOOO!”
Eddie rubbed his back.
“Bless you.”
By late afternoon, Buck's fever had climbed.
103.4
Eddie didn't like it, but considering how much medicine Buck had already taken, he wasn’t sure what else he could give or if he could even give Buck anything.
He called Hen.
She listened carefully.
“How much cough medicine did he take?”
“Three doses.”
“Close together?”
“Apparently.”
“Okay. Is he breathing normally?”
“He's congested.”
“I mean his lungs.”
“He's breathing normally.”
“Any confusion now?”
“He's awake and coherent.”
Buck, from the bed, said, “Bosdly.”
Eddie covered the phone.
“You're not helping.”
“I ab.”
Hen laughed on the other end.
“Does he have a cough?”
“A little.”
“Chest pain?”
“No.”
“Good. Keep him hydrated. Use cool cloths to bring down his temp and get him some relief. Probably best to avoid aby more medication for at least 24 hours since we’re not entirely sure how much of what he took.”
“Already on it.”
“And Eddie?”
“Yeah?”
“Don't let him wander outside.”
Eddie looked at Buck.
“Wasn't planning to.”
“I mean it.”
“I know.”
Buck raised a hand.
“I cad hear you.”
Hen laughed.
“Good. Then listen.”
Buck sniffed.
“Yes, ba'am.”
Hen hung up.
Eddie looked at him.
“You're grounded.”
“I'm an adult.”
“Not today.”
Buck rolled his eyes.
Then sneezed.
“AITCH! AITCH! AITCH!”
He rubbed his nose.
“HAH—HAH—HAITSHOO!”
Eddie handed him tissues.
“Grounded.”
Buck blew his nose.
“Fide.”
By evening, Buck was miserable.
His fever remained stubborn.
His nose was raw.
The tissue box had been replaced twice.
Eddie had rubbed petroleum jelly around Buck's nostrils to soothe the irritated skin, earning him an offended glare.
“Id loogks ridiculous.”
“You look ridiculous.”
“Rude.”
“You walked barefoot to a pharmacy.”
Buck sniffed.
“Fair.”
He was tucked into bed with water, broth, tissues, a cool washcloth, and his phone.
Eddie sat beside him.
Buck's eyes drooped.
“Sleep.”
“I dod't wadt do.”
“Why?”
“Because every tibe I end ub sdeezig byself awake.”
“You sneeze while you're awake too.”
“Thad's dot cobfortig.”
“I wasn't trying to comfort you.”
Buck gave him a weak smile.
“You're a bad nurse.”
“I've been told.”
“By be.”
“Frequently.”
Buck's eyes closed.
For a few minutes, the room was quiet.
Then—
“AITCH!”
Buck woke himself.
“AITCH!”
Eddie sighed.
“AITCH!”
Buck groaned.
“HAH—HAH—HA-HA-HAITSHOO!”
Eddie rubbed his back.
“Bless you.”
Buck sniffed miserably.
“I'b sorry.”
“Don't apologize.”
“I'b keeping you awake.”
“I wasn't asleep.”
“You should be.”
“I'll sleep later.”
“Probise?”
“Promise.”
Buck blew his nose.
The sound was enormous.
He looked embarrassed.
“Sorry.”
Eddie smiled.
“You really don't have to apologize for having a nose.”
“It doesd't feel ligke a dose.”
“What does it feel like?”
“A fauced.”
Eddie laughed.
Buck smiled.
Then his eyes closed again.
At two in the morning, Eddie woke to Buck coughing.
He sat up immediately. Buck was curled on his side, coughing into his pillow.
“Hey.”
Buck tried to wave him away.
“I'b fide.”
“You're coughing.”
“I'd fide.”
Eddie turned on the lamp.
Buck's face was flushed. His eyes were half closed. His breathing was congested.
“Sit up.”
“I dod't wadt to.”
“Come on.”
Eddie helped him sit.
He handed him water.
Buck took a sip.
Then sneezed violently.
“AITCH!”
His shoulders shook.
“AITCH! AITCH!”
He grabbed a tissue.
“HAH—HAH—HA-HA-HAITSHOO!”
He gasped.
“HE’TCHIIEEWWW! HE’ITCHOOO!”
Buck sagged.
Eddie rubbed his back.
“Blow your nose.”
Buck did.
Again.
And again.
He finally leaned against Eddie.
“Everythig hurds.”
Eddie's heart clenched.
“I know.”
“By head hurts.”
“I know.”
“By dose hurds.”
“Mmm”
“By throat hurds.”
“Hmm”
“By edtire face hurds.”
Eddie kissed his temple.
“Poor baby.”
Buck closed his eyes.
“I feel awful.”
Eddie doesn’t say anything, just presses another kiss to Buck’s too warm temple.
“I dod't wand do be sigck addybore.”
“I know baby. I know”
Eddie held him.
Buck leaned against his chest.
For several minutes, neither spoke.
Then Buck whispered, “I'b sorry aboud the bolice statiod.”
Eddie smiled.
“You know what?”
“Whad?”
“I think it's going to be a great story.”
Buck groaned.
“Blease dod't tell addyode.”
“Oh, I'm absolutely telling everyone.”
“Eddie.”
“Buck.”
“Blease.”
“Okay.”
Buck relaxed.
“Thagk you.”
“I'll only tell Maddie.”
“Eds.”
“And Hen.”
“Ndo.”
“Chim.”
“Absoludely dot.”
“Bobby.”
“I'b divorcig you.”
“You can't.”
“Why?”
“You'd have to explain the rose bush.”
Buck stared at him.
Then started laughing.
It turned into a cough.
Eddie rubbed his back.
“Easy.”
Buck eventually settled.
“I'b dever leavig this house agaid.”
“Good.”
“Ever.”
“Excellent.”
“I'll order everythig odlide.”
“Perfect.”
“Even groceries.”
“Yes.”
“And cold bedicine.”
“Especially cold medicine.”
Buck nodded solemnly.
“Okay.”
Then he sneezed.
“AITCH!”
Eddie laughed.
“Bless you.”
The next morning, Buck was still sick.
But his fever had finally dropped.
101.8
Eddie considered it a victory.
Buck did not.
He was sprawled diagonally across the bed, wrapped in three blankets, surrounded by tissues.
He looked at the thermometer.
“Still sigck.”
“Yes.”
“Cad I get ub?”
“No.”
“I deed breakfast.”
“I'll bring it.”
“I deed coffee.”
“No.”
“Dea?”
“Yes.”
“Soub?”
“Sure.”
“Toast?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Pandcakes?”
Eddie stared.
“Now you’re just screwing with me.”
Buck smiled.
“Worth a try.”
“Soup.”
“Fide.”
Eddie leaned down to kiss him.
Buck's nose twitched.
Eddie froze.
Buck's eyes widened.
“Eddie.”
“AITCH!”
Eddie laughed.
“AITCH!”
“Bless you.”
“AITCH! AITCH!”
“Bless you.”
“HA-HA-HAITSHOO!”
“Bless you.”
“HE’TCHIIEEWWW!”
“Bless you.”
“HE’ITCHOOO!”
“Bless you.”
“CHOO! CHOO!”
Finally, Buck collapsed against the pillows.
Eddie handed him the tissues.
Buck blew his nose.
And blew.
And blew.
And blew.
When he finally finished, he stared at the tissue in disbelief.
“That cad't be dormal.”
Eddie looked.
“I've seen worse.”
“Where?”
“Your last sinus infection.”
“Oh.”
Buck sniffed.
“Did I really produce that buch?”
“You're very talented.”
“Thagks.”
“It's not a compliment.”
“I choose to dake id as ode.”
Eddie kissed his forehead.
“Go back to sleep.”
Buck closed his eyes.
“You're stayig?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
By the third day, Buck was improving.
His fever was gone.
His cough was better.
His congestion remained spectacular.
His sneezing was still frequent enough that Eddie had stopped counting.
The tissue boxes continued to disappear at alarming rates.
But Buck was coherent and mobile.
Which meant he was already trying to negotiate his release from bed arrest.
“I cad shower.”
“Yes.”
“I cad walk dowdstairs.”
“Yes.”
“I cad bake breakfast.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because the last time you made breakfast while sick, you forgot to plug the toaster in.”
“Thad was udrelated.”
“You put bread in it sideways.”
“I was tired.”
“You put the milk in the pantry.”
“I was distracted.”
“You tried to microwave cereal.”
Buck paused.
“Thad ode was exberimedtal.”
Eddie stared.
“Stay in bed.”
Buck sighed.
Then sneezed.
“AITCH! AITCH! HAH—HAH—HAITSHOO!”
He blew his nose.
“Fide.”
“Thank you.”
Buck looked thoughtful.
“Cad I at least go apologize to Mr Rose bush?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I don't know where it is.”
“I do.”
“No.”
“It was near the pharmacy.”
“No.”
“I rebember.”
“So you don’t remember why you left the house or to pay for cold medicine, but you remember where the exact rose bush in that you sneezed on?”
Buck pouted.
Eddie kissed him.
“Stay.”
A week later, Buck was almost completely recovered.
He had returned to work.
Gone back to normal meals.
Stopped carrying tissues in every pocket.
Mostly.
He was sitting at the kitchen counter on a Saturday morning when Eddie walked in.
Buck sniffed.
Eddie stopped.
Buck sniffed again.
Eddie narrowed his eyes.
“No.”
“I haven't said anything.”
“You don't have to.”
“I'm fine.”
“You're sniffing.”
“There's dust.”
“There is no dust.”
Buck looked around.
“Maybe invisible dust.”
“Buck.”
Buck smiled.
Then his nose twitched.
Eddie pointed.
“Don't.”
Buck tried to fight it.
His face scrunched.
His eyes watered.
“Eddie…”
“Get a tissue.”
Buck grabbed one.
“AITCH! AITCH! AITCH!”
Eddie sighed.
Buck folded forward.
“HA-HA-HAITSHOO! HE’TCHIIEEWWW! HE’ITCHOOO!”
Eddie handed him another tissue.
Buck blew his nose.
He looked up.
“I'm not sick anymore.”
Eddie nodded solemnly.
“Of course not.”
“I'm not.”
“Absolutely.”
“I mean it.”
“Sure.”
Buck sniffed.
Eddie raised an eyebrow.
Buck sighed.
“Maybe a little.”
“Go sit on the couch.”
“But—”
“Couch.”
Buck obeyed.
Eddie went to get tea.
As he passed the kitchen counter, he spotted something.
A small white card.
He picked it up.
It was addressed to Buck.
Eddie opened it.
Inside was a handwritten note.
To the gentleman who apologized to my rose bush:
The roses survived.
Please stay home when you're sick.
There was a little drawing of a rose underneath.
Eddie stared.
Then started laughing.
Buck called from the couch.
“What?”
Eddie held up the card.
“Apparently Mr rose bush has forgiven you.”
Buck's face lit up.
“Really?”
“Really.”
Buck smiled.
Then sneezed.
“AITCH! AITCH! HAH—HAH—HAITSHOO!”
He sniffed.
“HE’TCHIIEEWWW!”
Eddie shook his head.
“Bless you.”
Buck blew his nose.
“Thank you.”
Eddie walked over and kissed his forehead.
“You know,” he said, “I think this is the last time we're going to have to worry about you wandering around Los Angeles while feverish.”
Buck nodded.
“Definitely.”
“You promise?”
“Promise.”
“You'll stay home next time?”
“Yes.”
“You'll call me?”
“Yes.”
“You'll take medication exactly as directed?”
Buck hesitated.
Eddie stared.
“Buck.”
“Yes.”
“Exactly as directed?”
“Yes.”
“No accidental triple doses?”
“No.”
“No walking barefoot?”
“No.”
“No stealing cold medicine?”
“I didn't steal it.”
“You didn't pay.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“No pharmacy crimes.”
“Okay.”
“No rose-bush incidents.”
“That's unfair.”
“Buck.”
“Fine.”
Eddie smiled.
“Good.”
Buck leaned against him.
“You know what the worst part was?”
“What?”
“I don't even remember most of it.”
“I know.”
“I remember the pharmacy.”
“Barely.”
“I remember sneezing.”
“I'm sure you do.”
“I remember the rose bush.”
“Obviously.”
“And then I remember you.”
Eddie's expression softened.
“You called me.”
“I knew you'd come.”
Eddie kissed his hair.
“Every time.”