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“Am I a bad person?” Jett asks into the near silence. He's just put his phone down after finishing a round of solitaire, and PJ is solving a rubix cube next to him, both lying on the floor of PJ's bedroom.
“Sometimes, yeah,” PJ responds.
“What?!” Jett yells, bolting upright. PJ's hands pause in favor of looking over in Jett’s direction.
“Oh, sorry, did you want me to lie to you to make you feel better? I’m never sure about that,” PJ asks.
“That- No, I don’t want you to lie. B-but you think that? That I’m a bad person?” Jett stutters.
Fuck. Do they all think that? They’re his only friends. They’re all he has. He’s going to get kicked out again and be all alone again because he can’t stop being a horrible person.
He doesn’t want to be. It’s just— who he is. Apparently.
PJ turns to look directly at him, and his face stutters. “Shit, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I think you can sometimes act like a bad person. The rest of the time you’re good. Or... neutral. Wait, sorry, I’ll lie. Don’t look sad,” he says, panicking.
“No, PJ, don’t lie now. How am I a bad person?” Jett asks, serious now. He wants to know.
“…You’re blunt, crass, sometimes. Impulsive. You say what you’re thinking even if it might hurt someone’s feelings. You think about yourself first, a lot of the time.”
Ouch.
“Well, you’re blunt too. And too honest,” Jett argues back.
“Yeah, well, I’m a bad person too, sometimes.” That makes Jett pause. PJ is one of the best people he knows. Certainly better than him. He’s smart, and he cares about other people, and his tech is really freaking cool. Everyone likes him! Way more than they like Jett.
“What? No you’re not. That’s just how you are, but you don’t mean to be rude. You’re the best person I know, PJ.”
“I could say the same to you, Jett.”
“No you couldn’t. I suck. Nobody wants me around.” Jett lies back down and stares at the ceiling.
It’s true. His parents didn’t. His old friends didn’t. The shelters sure don’t. And apparently his new friends don’t either.
One way or another they all realize that something’s wrong with him. He’s gay. He’s got powers. He’s mean and inconsiderate and impatient and self-absorbed and a million other things and he’ll never find people who want to keep him.
“What? Jett, where is this coming from? I want you around. I-I mean, we all do. The team. All of us,” PJ stutters out, looking away from Jett.
“I’m literally in your house right now because everybody else was sick of me.”
They’d wrapped up a mission but Jett was still wired. He wanted to go do something, have fun. Ezra, Lian, and Eugene were all “tired,” and the more Jett bugged them, the more annoyed they got, until Jason snapped at him to just go home and find someone else to bother.
Jett doesn’t have anywhere else to go. But they don’t know that.
Luckily for him, PJ took pity on him and said he had to go home before his dad got worried, but Jett could come hang out. PJ set up some robot cube things for them to practice fighting with to burn off the rest of Jett’s energy, and now they’re freshly showered and just chilling in his room. And talking about how much Jett sucks.
“Well, you’re also in my house right now because I needed to prove to my dad that I have friends in real life. He’s thrilled, honestly, you should stay the night. And, you know, if you’re here, he doesn’t have to talk to me. He loves it,” PJ finished with a whisper.
“Huh? Your dad doesn’t wanna talk to you?” Jett thought they were close.
“No, he does, it’s just… I don’t know. He didn’t, for a while. I’m still not sure if he really does. If he just feels guilty that he didn’t find me earlier, or if I’m just a way for him to miss my mom less. I don’t think he knows how to talk to me. It's hard to suddenly have to look after a teenager you don't even know. Not to mention one like me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that about you and your dad.”
Jett should’ve known, though. He knows PJ was raised by Granny Goodness for a while. He should’ve figured he’d have had it rougher than Jett. And Jett’s here complaining, Jesus. This is what he means by self-absorbed.
“It’s okay. I mean it’s not, not entirely, but he’s trying, I guess. I just like to get out of the house. That’s why I made the server in the first place.”
“You don’t talk about your home life all that much.”
“Neither do you.”
Touché. And Jett wasn’t going to.
“I’ll tell you later. Why doesn’t your dad think you have friends? He knows about the server, doesn’t he?”
“I mean, he knows about a few of my friends. But… I don’t know. You all are actually friends, you know? I’m just… the strategizer. I think he worries I'm lying about how close we actually are. I don’t mesh well with big groups, and he knows that. ”
“Overwhelming?”
“A little, yeah.”
“You mean me. I’m overwhelming.”
“No!” Jett looks over and glares at him. “Okay, you’re loud sometimes. But I already told you, I don’t dislike you. I just… don’t know how to talk to you. A-any of you. Not just you. I didn’t grow up the way you all did.”
Jett has noticed PJ is a little more reserved than most of them. Doesn’t talk about personal stuff. He thought he was just serious, with a real hero for a dad, like Lian. He didn’t know PJ wanted to be closer.
And that’s his fault too. He’s too much. Always.
“Sorry,” he sulks.
PJ’s silent for a second. “Hey. We’re talking now.”
Jett looks over at him. PJ’s still looking at the ceiling. Jett studies his profile. He hasn’t looked at PJ much. He’s quieter, and he’s always hidden behind his jacket and his sunglasses. Now, in a hoodie, with his face clear, he’s… pretty. Elegant, almost. Jett looks back up at the ceiling.
“Yeah. Well. Thanks for inviting me over.”
“Anytime. Seriously. Let’s be friends, Jett.”
Jett grins. “Okay. I could use more of those too.”
“We can be bad people with no friends together,” PJ jokes.
Jett cackles in response. “Sure, sure. And my parents didn’t want me around either,” he giggles.
“…Didn’t?”
Shit. Deflect.
“Uh, don’t. But, you know, I don’t care about them. Is that offer to spend the night still good? This is fun.”
“…Sure. Let me talk to my dad.” PJ leaves the room, and Jett pulls out his phone to play a game while he waits.
When PJ gets back, he says, “Yeah, you’re good to stay. What do you want for dinner? Guest’s choice, apparently.”
“Apparently? You don’t want to be my gracious host?” Jett teases.
PJ smirks back at him. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry Granny Goodness didn’t teach me about hosting etiquette.”
“Using your trauma against me! So rude!”
“Well, feel free to use yours any time.”
Nope. “I’ll get it ready for a much better occasion than dinner.”
“Alright, well, come on. Dad wants to order.”
The two leave PJ’s bedroom, but before they go any farther, PJ stops him with a hand on his arm. Jett blushes, and tries to hide it.
“Seriously. We want you around. You’re kind of an asshole sometimes but so is everyone else. Stay.”
Jett looks at PJ, who’s looking off to the side.
“Okay. I’ll stay.”