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Commander Fox had never had a good day in his ten years of living. Not since he had been decanted into this unfortunate galaxy. He sighed as he dismissed dozens of messages from his vod on the frontlines. He envied the excitement in their lives. All he ever did was file endless paperwork about stupid complaints and protect senators from imaginary assassins. Except Senators Amidala and Organa, who had to contend with a significant number of very real assassins.
*Ping!*
Fox cursed silently under his breath as a priority notification from the chancellor appeared. He hated the sound of those stupid notifications. He reached for his mug of caf, only to find it empty. He cursed again. He’d have to make Thorn get him some.
Ignoring his rapidly forming headache, he opened the new message to see what the chancellor wanted. It was probably something about another gala.
“WHAT?!” Fox let his head fall against the desk.
He wished it was about a gala. That would have been tolerable.
“Why on earth does this di’kut want to see the Zillo Beast?” he groaned into his desk.
Of course Fox had heard about the Zillo Beast. It was all Rex had talked about since he had returned from Malastare. His annoying blonde vod’ika had practically been bouncing off the walls with excitement when he had told Fox about it. And of course Ponds had egged him on. And then Gree, who loved to hear about these sorts of things, had started asking all his nerd questions about the beast. And that was why Fox hated going to 79’s with his brothers.
Resigning himself to an afternoon with the chancellor (who Fox personally found creepy), he grabbed his bucket and his DC-17s and headed down to the speeder pool. He nodded to Clip, one of the maintenance techs, as he hopped in a speeder.
He turned over the ignition. Nothing. He tried again. It sputtered sadly. The third time was not the charm. It sputtered slightly more enthusiastically, then burst into flames.
“Osik…” he sighed as he jumped out of the speeder.
Clip and his batchmate, Spark, hurried over with fire extinguishers.
“Sorry commander,” Clip said, breathless, “We’ve put in several requisition requests for new radiators, but nothing’s come through.”
“I’ll check it out when I get back. In the meantime, which one of these,” Fox gestured vaguely at the rest of the speeders, “is least likely to try to kill me?”
“Umm…”
”That one is missing a catalytic converter…”
“Don’t take that one, it’s missing a transmission.”
”No, that was the one where the transmission exploded, it’s still in the speeder though…” The hood was incredibly blackened, Fox noted.
”The exhaust valves are all stuck on that one.”
”Should I walk?” Fox asked in a tone of mild despair.
”Oh! Take the XJ-6 from the impound lot,” Spark said.
”Is that legal?” Clip asked. “After all, it is technically property of the Senator…”
”Does anyone here care?”
”No. Goodbye,” Fox walked away.
Making a mental note to speed all of the requisition orders up, again, Fox slid into the XJ-6. Lott Dod had good taste. He was also a terrible driver. Thorn had seized the speeder for reckless driving, and Fox would not be giving it back.
Pulling into Coruscanti traffic was a nightmare, as always. It thinned out in the restricted zone around the Senate building, and he pulled onto the Chancellor’s personal landing platform.
“Ah, Commander, good of you to make it here on such short notice,” the Chancellor said in his annoyingly paternal voice.
“Of course, Chancellor,” Fox said curtly, “Are you ready to go?”
”Yes, let us go,” the Chancellor said, thankfully choosing the back seat.
He continued to yap throughout the fifteen minute drive, something about
Separatist incursions into Wild Space, which did not concern Fox, although he hated to hear about the action while he was stuck acting as a glorified taxi driver. It was almost like the chancellor did it to piss him off.
The zillo beast’s roars were audible from outside of the facility, which did concern Fox. He made another mental note to come back after this visit and check on the security, see what the men thought about the containment situation. Maybe ask Gree to come take a look. Fox was not familiar with violent and incredibly destructive megafauna, but he was pretty certain you were not supposed to keep them in the middle of an incredibly crowded ecumenopolis.
He accessed the schematics of the building as the doors shook with the force of the beast’s roar. He sighed. Perhaps he shouldn't have wondered. The building was commissioned after the capture of the beast, and had been built in approximately four days. The Jedi Service Corps infrastructure expert who had completed the safety code inspection had red-flagged just about every part of the building as a security risk. All of these concerns had been overridden by the Chancellor. Fox really did hate that man.
They ascended one of the catwalks above the containment zone. The Chancellor had begun yapping about something new, about force sensitivity. Maybe the beast was force sensitive? No, that would be weird. What was it that Gree had said at the bar last night?
He accessed the secure chat from his helmet display and sent a quick message to Gree.
Fox: is the beast force sensitive
bacon head: were you not listening at all last night?
Fox: imma take that as a yes.
bacon head: yes
…
bacon head: why
Fox: palps is yapping abt it
bacon head: good luck ;)
Fox: this is why i don’t like you
bacon head: :0 i thought i was ur favorite
Fox: no, thire’s my favorite, he’s well behaved
Gree’s light blinked off, and Fox sighed. He desperately wanted someone else to talk to about this insanity.
Beneath them, the beast roared. Violently. Angrily. It lunged at the catwalk. Fox lunged towards the Chancellor, pulling him away from the thing. Fox really didn’t get paid enough for all he did to keep this osik Republic from imploding.
”Are you alright, Chancellor?” He asked, attempting a facade of polite concern. He probably needed to work on that one.
”Yes, thank you Commander,” the old man smiled. It was really more like a grimace. And then he began talking about how he simply didn’t know what he would do without Fox’s help, and something something something….and Fox tuned him out again.
He dropped the Chancellor back at the Senate building (really, the man couldn’t get a chauffeur?), drove back to the Corrie Guard barracks, claimed the speeder as his own (according to Clip, it was the only functioning one), and stalked back to his office.
About twelve cups of caf later (so maybe it had been six hours), he got a call from Rex.
“Hey Fox,” his vod’ika said nervously, “Have I ever told you that you’re my favorite ori’vod?”
”I’m not, Cody is, which one of your di’kuts is in lockup now?”
”So none of them, actually,” Rex looked away for a moment and shook his head.
”So what happened?”
In the background, Fox heard:
”Sir! Looks like the General’s…up to something.”
Fox actually did pity his vod’ika. It was a marvel Rex didn’t have as many grey hairs as him already.
Then Windu’s exasperated voice cut through.
”What is Skywalker doing?”
”It appears to be one of Anakin’s…improvised plans,” Kenobi sighed.
”How can it be a plan if it’s improvised?” Windu sounded like he had migraine actively forming.
”Not to worry,” Fox could hear Kenobi sighing, “Just catch them when they fall.”
Rex sounded like he was smothering a laugh as he added, “A lot of the General’s plans involve falling.”
Fox grabbed his helmet and rushed off to the gunships, where Thire already had the men formed up.
“Let’s go,” Fox barked, jumping into one of the gunships.
They reached the Senate building, where Skywalker and Amidala stood safe. However, someone was still in the beast’s clutches, and screaming like a banshee about it.
”Is that…” Fox sympathized with Windu. He too had a migraine coming on.
”The Chancellor,” Rex said, “How do you do this?”
”Honestly, I don’t know.”
”You deserve a medal for putting up with this osik.”
”Yes. Yes I do.”
”They should make you the new chancellor.”
”Yes. They absolutely should.”
As the Jedi debated the best way to reach the chancellor, the screams abated. Quite suddenly. And with a crunch that echoed off the skyscrapers, Fox’s one dream was fulfilled.
”It ate the Chancellor,” he said wonderingly.
“What happened?” Skywalker looked stunned.
”Ate the chancellor, it did,” Yoda almost sounded gleeful.
Then, they all watched in shock as the beast smashed its hand through the former Chancellor’s office window. It threw a handful of items in front of the Jedi. If Fox didn’t know better, he would have said the beast looked pleased with itself.
The beast was quite pleased with itself. It deposited in front of the Jedi one (1) red lightsaber, one (1) creepy black cloak, and three (3) sith holocrons. He shook his head disapprovingly in front of the little green one, who was old enough that he should have been able to tell that the creepy old man was clearly a Sith. Then he laid down for a nap.