Chapter Text
The sun was higher in the sky than usual when Ralsei opened the door to their room.
The blankets shifted, and Kris's eyes met his as he sat on the bed beside them. “Good morning,” they said with a sleepy smile.
“Good morning,” he responded, reaching out to brush their bangs aside. “You slept in today. Are you feeling alright?”
They hummed in response as they settled back against the pillows. “Didn’t want to get started yet.”
“That’s fine.” He stood and adjusted the curtains to block out the afternoon light outside. “Susie and I are making lunch. Can I bring you something?”
Kris got to their feet and pulled the curtains aside. “Nah, I’m up.” They wrapped their arms around his waist in a hug. “Done being a bum.”
Ralsei jumped slightly at the sudden contact, then settled his arms around their shoulders to return the unexpected hug. “You’re allowed to sleep as long as you need,” he reminded them. Their touch was warm against him, and he felt suddenly cold when they finally let go.
Kris looked out the window at the snow blanketing the ground. It was another dreary January day with more snow coming any moment. “Lots to do today.”
“Oh, do we have plans?”
“Just going into town for a bit.” They dropped the curtain and headed for the door. Ralsei followed them a step behind.
Susie looked up at them from the stove with a smile as they entered the kitchen. “Hey, they’re alive!” she said. “We’re out of food, so it’s breakfast for lunch. Want some eggs?”
Kris yawned as they sat at a bar stool at the island. “Morning.”
“Afternoon,” she corrected. “So, eggs or nah?”
“Yeah. With cheese. And toast.”
Susie raised her eyebrows but turned back to the stove and stuck a piece of bread in the toaster. “Whoa, getting crazy today.”
Ralsei took the stool next to Kris. “It’s great that they have their appetite back.” He took Kris's hand. “It’s good,” he reassured quietly.
Kris just nodded and stood, turning their attention toward the fridge as Susie cooked. They grabbed a mug from the cupboard, then poured in a splash of orange juice from the fridge and filled the rest of the cup with boxed white wine.
“Damn, Kris,” Susie shouted at them from the stove. “You woke up like, five minutes ago.”
They shrugged. “Last day before everyone leaves. Gotta make it a fun one.” They took a seat beside Ralsei and sipped their drink, purposefully avoiding the eyes of both of them.
Susie joined them at the island once the food was ready. “So, school starts up again tomorrow,” she said before taking a bite. “You ready, Rals?”
He sighed, suddenly tense with the reminder. “It’s been nice only having work this past month. Just a couple years until we get our degrees though.”
“Yeah, and then you get to work forever!”
Kris was looking back and forth between them as they bantered. “I’m going to miss you,” they said suddenly after a long drink from their mug.
That’s right. Kris wouldn’t be joining them this semester. The two weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas had been hard enough, but this longer stretch until the end of the year would be more difficult.
Susie finished her plate in the usual record time and rested her chin in her palm as she looked over at them. “You still… feeling okay about dropping out?”
Kris shrugged and took another sip. “Don’t know what else I would have done.” They pushed away their half-finished plate. Most of the eggs and a half-slice of toast remained. “It wasn’t working.”
Susie eyed the leftovers. “Maybe you can try again someday.” she said. “Also, are you gonna finish that?”
Kris slid the plate towards her, and she went right to town. “Maybe.” They stood quickly and drained their mug before heading for the front door.
“Hey, where are we going?” Susie said, quickly shoveling the remainders into her mouth and jumping up to follow them.
They pulled on their coat and grabbed their gloves from the box by the door. “Just into town,” they said as they pulled the gloves on. “You’re gonna need, like, three coats. It’s freezing.”
“Like literally freezing?”
“Like below freezing.”
“Damn,” she muttered, grabbing a hoodie to go under her coat. “You know, sometimes I wish I was warm-blooded too.”
“Hm.” They grabbed Susie's gloves and held them out to her. “Summer sucks for us though. Worse for Ralsei.” They gestured back at him.
“Eh, I guess.” She finished with her coat and took the gloves from Kris. “You coming too, Rals?”
He shook his head. “I’ve been neglecting work this weekend and need to spend some time on that.” He gave them a reassuring smile. “I look forward to seeing you later, though!”
“Alright, later dude.” She looked down to take note of what she had. “Boots, hoodie, coat, scarf, hat, gloves,” she muttered to herself. “Phone-wallet-keys. Okay, good to go, Kris?”
They nodded, looking slightly dwarfed by their bulky coat and scarf. They turned back toward the kitchen before opening the front door. “Bye, Rals. Love you.”
His heart skipped. It wasn’t their usual flat goodbye. But he gave a smile and a wave anyway with his response. “Love you too. Be safe.”
They nodded and headed out into the cold with Susie close behind.
There was an air of emptiness in the apartment once the door closed. Ralsei stood and collected the dishes to bring to the sink as his brow furrowed in thought. Kris had been acting… unusual. Not bad, but different enough to be noticeable. They ate and talked more than usual. They drank immediately upon waking. And the hug first thing in the morning, the unprompted I love you as they left…
Maybe they were getting better. He hoped they were getting better.
He’d have to believe for now that they were.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Susie normally found that she had to speedwalk to keep up with Kris. Today, they made their way through town at a leisurely pace. Maybe it would have been better in the summer. Walking slowly through the freezing afternoon with Kris, she just felt desperately cold.
It didn’t help that their first stop was to the police station. Kris's dad was leaving as they arrived. He wrapped them in a tight hug on sight and agreed to let them tail him for the afternoon as he did some rounds around town.
They spent an hour hopping from place to place after him, the two of them identifying “clues” along the way – tattered clothing, cigarette butts, random trash discarded on the side of the road. Their investigation was unfruitful.
Kris's dad regarded them with some suspicion when they all entered the shop and the two of them beelined for the back corner of the building. “Stay out of the freezer, Kris,” he warned over the aisles of merchandise.
“Damn, he’s too tall,” Susie muttered, slowly closing the freezer door so as not to make a discernable sound. “Can’t make a mess in here without him seeing us. Then he’ll be after our asses.” She turned to Kris and folded her arms across her chest. “Okay, not that I’m complaining, but why are we following your dad on his rounds?”
Kris shrugged. “Haven’t seen him in a while. And he’s at work all day today.”
“Couldn’t we just hang out some other time?” She stomped in an attempt to warm her feet. “Maybe when he’s in a warm building?”
“The store is warm.” They got up from their spot on the floor where they’d been preparing to crawl into the freezer. “We can head out. I think dad’s getting annoyed.”
Susie looked over the aisles. Sure enough, his brow was furrowed as he kept a watchful eye on the corner while talking to the shopkeeper. “Yeah, let’s dip.”
They jetted for the door. “See ya,” Kris called over their shoulder.
“Question,” the shopkeeper called back, stopping them in their tracks.
They froze, slowly turning to face him. “Yeah?” Susie asked.
He leaned his head on his fists. “You two the ones cleaning my freezer?”
Kris was silent, their face unreadable. Susie continued in their stead. “I guess so. We, uh, scrape up whatever’s stuck to the bottom. Cause it’s free.”
Kris's dad smacked his forehead.
Sans nodded solemnly. “It is free.” He turned his attention back to Kris's dad. “Don’t worry, man. Those kids are practically my employees. Just look at how clean the freezer is.”
“Not kids,” Susie muttered under her breath. “So, uh, can we go?”
He gave them a wink. “Yeah, you two are off for the day. I’ll close up.”
“Haha. Okay. Bye.” She pushed open the door and Kris followed her out.
Back in the frozen, snowy street, she pulled her jacket closed and adjusted her scarf. “So, was that a joke, or did we just get jobs at Sans’s place?”
Kris started walking. “Maybe if he needs the freezer cleaned.”
She followed them up through town until the outline of their old house showed through the snowy branches. It still looked like such a cozy home with the warm light shining out from the windows, even though it had only been Kris's parents living there for the last two years. It was strange to think back on the times they’d spent there. They’d all changed so much since then. But the house always stayed the same.
Kris's mom greeted them both with a huge hug when she answered the door. “Oh, I did not expect company today,” she said, standing back to allow them in. “I am sorry, I have not had time yet to clean.”
Susie laughed, looking around at the nearly-spotless living room. The trash needed to be taken out and there was an open book out on the table, but nothing in the room was out of place. The air smelled of butter and cinnamon and all of the good things she only ever got at Kris's house as a kid. “Smells amazing in here.”
Toriel smiled, directing them to the kitchen table. “I have just taken some cookies out of the oven. Feel free to help yourselves once they have cooled.” She took a seat beside them. “It is good to see you both. How have you been doing?”
“Susie’s my girlfriend,” Kris said simply, looking up at their mother from where they’d laid their head on their arms.
“Kris, what?” Susie said quickly. “Why are you–”
“Just want my mom to know,” Kris said quietly, still eyeing their mother.
Toriel looked between the two of them. “I see,” she said slowly. “Were you… having troubles with Ralsei? I am sorry, dear, I had not realized.”
“No, he’s still my boyfriend.” Kris looked away, their head still resting on their arms. “Susie was… there first, actually.”
Toriel was silent for a moment. Susie suddenly felt too warm, avoiding her gaze as she loosened the scarf from around her neck. Then Toriel spoke again. “Is this true, Susie?”
Susie gulped, then nodded. “Uh, yeah. Kris's with both of us.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “It works.”
After a moment, Toriel smiled and offered Susie a hug. “Well, I am glad to hear that you are all happy. Perhaps we can have the three of you over for a visit sometime?”
Susie smiled and accepted the hug. It was strange to have a mother figure after her own parents had been so absent throughout her life, but Toriel had always been there for guidance in her later years. “Yeah, we can make that happen, for sure,” she said, stumbling a little on her words. The idea of the three of them in their… unconventional relationship, spending time casually with Kris's parents, was nerve-wracking to say the least. But Toriel had shown herself to be a supportive constant in their lives, and for that she couldn’t be more thankful. “Thanks, Toriel.”
Kris and Susie accepted several cookies each as they chatted, only realizing after an hour that they didn’t have much daylight left. Kris seemed antsy to leave when the sky grew heavy and they left not long after with a bag of cookies that Toriel insisted they bring to share with Ralsei later.
By the time they made it to the lake, snow had begun to fall. She always marveled at the silence of it all. The snow made no noise as it fell, and the drifts along the ground seemed to muffle the sounds of the forest around them.
“Hey, stand over there under the tree,” Susie instructed, pointing toward a tree next to the picnic table.
Kris walked over obediently and stood beneath the tree, their hands in their pockets.
Susie took her place beneath a tree on the opposite side of the clearing and scooped up some snow into her gloves before packing it tightly into a ball. “Heads up,” she called, and threw it at the branch above their head.
She missed by about a foot. Kris stifled a laugh, then bent to pack some snow between their own gloves. “Back at ya,” they called, launching a snowball into the limbs above her.
“Dude, are you drunk off of one fakey mimosa?”
The next snowball hit her straight in the chest.
Their back-and-forth lasted twenty minutes before Susie finally landed a solid hit on the branch above their head. The limb shook, dropping a full load of snow directly onto Kris below. They lost their footing and fell backwards into a snowdrift, swinging their arms as they desperately tried to pull themself back up out of the snow.
Susie bounded over and held out her hands to help. They took hold and she pulled them to their feet. “How ‘bout that?” she said as she pulled off their hat and viciously beat the snow out of the fabric.
Kris held her by the front of her jacket as she secured the hat back onto their head. When she was done brushing away the remaining snow, they reached their arms up to her. “Up,” they said simply.
She grinned and picked them up by the waist, letting them wrap their legs around her and hang their arms on her shoulders. She secured her grip under them and looked them in the eye. “Tired?”
They buried their face in her neck. “Hm,” they said simply. “I really like being out in town with you.”
“Yeah, it was fun!” She shifted their weight on her hips and reached up to brush their bangs from their eyes. “Freaking cold though, what the hell…”
“I like it here.” They still just stared back at her, their expression unreadable. After a moment, they leaned in and pressed their lips gently against hers. “I’m glad we got… here.”
“What, the lake?”
“I mean, yeah, but just like. The three of us.”
She grinned. “It’s pretty sweet, right?”
Their expression didn’t change. “Do you ever think of closing the triangle?”
She furrowed her brow. “Uh, what?”
“Like, you and Ralsei.”
“Oh, um…” She felt her face growing warm. “I mean, I like him, but… Uh, I don’t know if he’d want to do that. He… really likes you, you know?”
They nodded. “And I really like both of you.”
“Yeah, but we’re both…” She couldn’t stop herself from stuttering through her thoughts. “Like, we’re both with you, and that works just fine, and that would make it more complicated, you know?”
“I don’t think it would be complicated.”
“Look, I’m not trying to change our thing we’ve got going,” she muttered. “Maybe. I dunno. Someday?” She looked away, feeling her cheeks heating up. “I don't know if I like guys that much. But he’s really great, and… a little different, I guess. I don’t really get it.” She let out a deep breath. “He’s cool. I’m glad you have him.”
Kris nodded. After a moment, they leaned in again, their hand going to the back of her neck as they pulled her in. This kiss was longer, warmer, and Susie felt her cheeks heating again as they broke for air. “I love you,” they said quietly, a small smile on their lips.
Her cheeks were still warm as she responded. “Y-yeah, you too,” she muttered. “Are you, uh, ready to go home?”
They nodded. “Carry me?”
“Yeah.” She shifted their weight against her and started walking. “Damn, it’s freaking cold. We should make something hot for dinner.”
“I’m sure Ralsei will have some ideas.”
“Yeah, with what groceries? Should’ve picked up some junk from the store. Didn’t even get any free shit from the bottom of the freezer.”
“Not even Ralsei could make something from freezer chunks. Those are for snacking.”
“Whatever, free is free. He can deal.”
The rest of the walk passed quietly, her footsteps crunching through the fresh snow in the street toward their place. The snowfall was increasing in intensity and it felt about twenty degrees colder than it had when they’d left their apartment. But Kris was incredibly light, and the heat of their chest against her warmed her up enough to negate the bitter bite of the cold.
After awkwardly leaning Kris over to force their key in the lock of the door, they finally made it back to the warmth of their apartment.
“Oh good, you’re back!” Ralsei said from the kitchen, hurrying over to help. “Um, is Kris okay?”
“Yeah, they’re just lazy.” Susie lowered them to the ground and stripped off her scarf and hat. “Hey, what smells so good?”
Ralsei laughed, pulling off Kris's hat and scarf. “Just garlic and onion right now. But I’m thinking we can make soup?”
“Hell yeah dude, you’re the best!” she said, giving him a playful punch on the arm. “Also, can you turn on the heater?”
“Oh, right!” He jumped over to adjust the thermostat. “Sorry, I keep forgetting. I haven’t lived with someone cold-blooded before.”
“Nah, you’re good. Thanks, man.” She unceremoniously pulled off her hoodie and got it stuck on her chin. “Aw, crap,” she muttered in the dark of her jacket.
“Here,” came Ralsei's voice, and the hoodie was pulled away from her chin and removed in one deft movement.
She shot him a thumbs up and turned back to Kris. They had removed their winter layers already and were looking back and forth between the two of them. “Okay, soup?” she asked. “You told me you were gonna help me figure out seasonings, right Ralsei?”
Ralsei nodded, and started back towards the kitchen. “You’re just in time. Oh, Kris,” he continued. “You left your phone at home today. Your brother has been texting you.”
They retrieved their phone from the kitchen island and scrolled through the messages. “Looks like a gaming night,” they mumbled. “You two good?”
“Sure,” he responded, picking up the stirring spoon. “Have fun. Susie, are you ready to help? We need to chop some vegetables first.”
“Yeah, of course,” she said quickly. “Um, bye Kris.”
Kris waved over their shoulder and retreated into their room.
Susie joined Ralsei at the stove. “Okay, so, uh, what do you need me to do?”
“Vegetables first,” he said, gesturing to the counter. “Just chop up the peppers and the squash on the cutting board.”
“Got it.” She cut off the ends and chopped the pepper as directed. She was halfway finished with the squash when Ralsei spoke up again.
“Has Kris seemed… strange to you today?”
She chuckled. “I mean, it’s Kris. They’re pretty weird.”
“I mean…” He paused, appearing to choose his words carefully. “Have you noticed anything different about the way they’ve been talking to you?”
She didn’t respond right away. Now that she thought of it, Kris had seemed more… personable than usual. “I guess,” she said finally. “They were kinda weird in town today.”
“What happened?”
She thought back to their trip into town that afternoon. “We visited their dad, and then their mom. And we just… went to the lake and horsed around for a while.” She forced her thoughts away from ‘closing the triangle.’ “It wasn’t too weird. They were just more friendly I guess?”
“How so?”
“Dude, come on,” she muttered. “Some things are private, you know?” She picked up the cutting board. “Oh, these are done.”
“I’m sorry.” He stood back to let her scrape the vegetables from the cutting board into the pot, then added another bit of oil and went back to stirring. “I’m just worried about them.”
She hoisted herself up to sit on the counter beside the stove. “Why?”
He didn’t respond right away. When he did, his voice sounded tired. “They seem happy.”
“That’s good, right?”
“Did they say they love you today?”
“Yeah, but–”
“And how were they with their parents?”
She stopped. They had been different with their parents. “They hugged them both? And… Uh, they told their mom about us.”
“Okay…”
Susie wasn’t an expert in cooking, but it seemed he was stirring a lot more than necessary. “I wasn’t expecting it, but… I don’t know, she seemed okay with it?” She scratched the back of her neck. “She’s glad when Kris is happy, and… they’re happy. With us.”
“Yes…” His brow furrowed as he stirred. “Could you grab the cooking stock? The vegetables are browned enough.”
She retrieved the stock and watched him finish up the soup. “How did you even find enough to make a whole soup?”
He laughed. “I’m resourceful.”
She couldn’t help but marvel at how he could make something wonderful out of absolutely nothing. Paired with his understanding and kindness, he was kind of the perfect–
Nope, bad thought. Kris had poisoned her mind for the day with their stupid triangle talk. They were in a weird mood and saying weird things. That was it for sure.
“Okay,” Ralsei said, clapping his hands together once the soup pot was covered. “Now we just have to wait a half hour or so for it to cook.”
“Ugh, so long,” she said, but she didn’t mind spending some more time with the two of them. “Let’s see what Kris is up to in there.”
The two of them entered the dark room to a scene of carnage.
“Fucking shit you two,” Kris was yelling into the mic, their face illuminated blue from the light of the television. “I can’t heal, what the hell?!” A moment later a death message flashed across the screen. “Come on,” they yelled. “Asriel, you’re supposed to be support!”
Susie heard the muffled arguing on the headset as she sat beside them on the bed. “Hey, can I try?”
Kris handed the controller over to her. “We’re tank,” they said shortly. “And Asriel is being super stingy with his heals. Good luck.”
She heard more shouting across their headset but settled right into the role, pushing forward and blasting at anything that moved. The opposing team was on their shit to say the least. Ralsei sat beside her, giggling at the repeated friendly-fires.
But Kris's face had softened, and they responded calmly to their brother’s queries over the headset as they stifled their laughter. “Yeah, I’m sure I had a good reason for doing that,” they said as Susie died again on the front lines of the push. “No, dude, I promise I wouldn’t shoot you unless you were sucking. Which you were.”
She smacked the controller against her knee. “Berdly you fucking dingus, what the hell was up with that??” she yelled after a particularly brutal slaughter. “You’re supposed to be DPS!”
Kris bit back a laugh. “Heh, nice one B.”
The DEFEAT message displayed across the screen, and the headset exploded with yells.
Kris was smiling.
The game ended shortly after, with Kris signing off after some formal debriefing about their terrible skills as a tank. Susie glowered at the headset, wishing she could catch Kris's brother in the streets with all of the shouting she could barely hear.
They pulled off the headset and powered off the screen. “That was fun,” they said, standing up and stretching their arms over their head.
“Heh, all you had to do was talk,” Susie replied, but she was glad to see the smile on their face.
“Yeah. Thanks for that.”
Kris followed them back to the kitchen, and Ralsei hurried over to the stove to check the soup. “Looks like it’s done,” he announced.
“Hell yeah,” Susie said, and went over to pull down three bowls from the cupboard.
Ralsei filled the bowls with a ladle and dished them out to the others. “Thanks for your help, Susie,” he said as he passed her a bowl.
“Yeah, thanks for showing me!” She pulled a spoon from the drawer. “Dig in, yeah?”
The three ate in silence except for compliments to the chefs. Kris grabbed another two glasses of wine and downed them in quick succession.
“Hey, you ate your whole bowl!” Ralsei commented to Kris once they were done. No use mentioning the amount they drank if he was trying to be encouraging.
Kris pushed the empty bowl away from them. “You two are good at this,” they said simply.
“Aw, sweet,” Susie responded. “Glad you liked it.”
“Mhm.” Kris wrapped an arm around Susie's waist. “Wanna watch a movie?”
Ralsei nodded. “Sure, have a preference?”
Kris looked toward the television. “ Maybe a holiday movie?”
“Like… January holiday?”
“Nah. Just holiday.”
“Okay… Any requests?”
“It’s a Wonderful Life.”
He froze, his thoughts branching much too far than was necessary for the situation. “Okay,” he said hesitantly. The content of the movie was… specific. And concerning in regards to their recent actions from earlier that day.
They sat on the couch and Susie followed them quickly, not seeming to sense anything amiss. Ralsei quietly took the spot beside them and searched for the movie. Minutes later the starting credits were appearing, and the other two settled in against the cushions to watch.
Halfway through the movie, Kris spoke. “What do you think?”
“Kind of… sad,” Ralsei said carefully.
“More like kind of boring,” Susie said, her head lifting up from their shoulder for the first time since the movie began.
Kris nodded and paused the movie. “Want to do something else?” they said quietly, and lifted a gentle hand to the back of her neck.
“I mean,” she stuttered as she felt her cheeks heat once again, “if you want, I guess?”
They leaned back against Ralsei and ran a hand along his cheek. “Both of you,” they said simply, their eyes half closed.
Ralsei's eyes snapped open. “Um, didn’t we decide at the beginning of all of this that–”
“I’ve, uh,” Susie cut in. “It’s been long enough, so like… I guess I’ve reconsidered?” she said quickly. She knew they’d had a deal. This was supposed to be both of them with Kris, not all three of them together. But that stupid thought Kris had planted in her head earlier… “But, if not, I’m claiming them for tonight.” She pulled Kris onto her lap. “Okay?”
Ralsei just looked back at them with a gaze filled with apprehension. After a moment, they heard his quiet voice again. “Okay… If it’s what you both want.” His cheeks were pink, and he seemed reluctant to come forward.
“Dude, you gotta want it too.” She pulled Kris tighter against her. “Get in here or don’t, just make a choice.”
Kris nuzzled against her neck and gave him a pointed glance.
He wrung his hands, seeming to be at war in his own mind. “Okay,” he said quietly. “But… Can we go to our room?”
Kris nodded against Susie's neck. She picked them up and headed toward their room. After a moment she noticed that Ralsei wasn’t following. “Hey, you don’t have to come with us. Just hang out on the couch.”
“No, I… I’m coming,” he stammered.
He was uncomfortable. Make a joke! “Heh,” she said. “Yeah you will.”
His face turned bright red. Bad joke!
He followed anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey, you guys wanna see a cool trick? I can fall asleep in 30 seconds. Watch this.”
True to her word, Susie spent no longer than ten seconds nestled against the pillow with her eyes closed before she started snoring.
“It amazes me every time,” Kris muttered. They extracted themself from beneath Susie's arm and turned to face Ralsei. “I’m getting up. Can you come with me?”
He turned onto his side to face them. “Sure. What are we doing?”
They stood and pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts. “I wanna make you something.” They rummaged in the closet for a few moments and returned with a t-shirt and a pair of flannel pajama pants that Noelle had left behind on a previous visit.
He took them and dressed silently, being careful not to disturb Susie on the way out. He followed them to the dark kitchen and sat at the island as they turned on the light.
Kris pulled out a pot and poured in some sugar and cocoa powder from the pantry. Then they grabbed a whisk and stirred the two together. “Can you grab the milk?”
He complied and handed the milk to them from the fridge. “What are you making?”
They didn’t answer right away. They pulled out some chocolate chips from the cupboard and stirred them in with some vanilla and cinnamon. Then it was off to the stove on a low heat. They turned and hopped onto the counter beside the oven. “QC’s hot chocolate. She finally taught me. I know it’s a family secret or whatever, but we’ve been going there long enough.” They swung their legs back and forth beneath the counter. “Used to get it with my family. The only thing I messed up was the cocoa and sugar. Kept trying to make it all from chocolate chips.”
Ralsei took his usual spot at the kitchen island. “Sounds like you almost had it.”
“I’m just glad I can make the real thing now.” They hopped down from the counter and turned off the burner. “Here, almost done.”
After a little more mixing, they poured it into two mugs. They held one out to him. “Get your jacket,” they said as he took it.
He adjusted his fingers around the handle. “Are we going somewhere?”
“Just out front.” They grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the drawer by the oven and slipped it into the pocket of their shorts.
He nodded and grabbed his coat, Kris following suit shortly after. They put on their shoes and stepped outside with their drinks.
The weather had gotten considerably worse since he’d last been out in the open. The snow was falling heavily and a few flakes melted swiftly in his hot chocolate as Kris settled in beside him. They struck their lighter and held it to the end of their cigarette. A moment later, they offered the pack to Ralsei.
He held up a hand. “I’m okay.”
Kris nodded and slipped the pack back into their pocket. They took a long drag and exhaled slowly before taking a sip of their drink. “Ow,” they said, pulling back quickly. They reached down and scooped a small handful of snow into their cup. After a moment, they took another sip and nodded.
Ralsei leaned on the railing beside them before taking a sip of his own scalding drink. Maybe Kris had the right idea with the snow. He scooped a small amount of snow off of the railing and dropped it into the cup.
Kris was looking over at him, and he noticed the corners of their eyes crinkle almost imperceptibly as they took another drag off of their smoke. After another long moment, they spoke. “Thanks for everything,” they said simply before taking another drag.
“For… everything?” he replied cautiously.
“For being here.” They flicked the ash from the end of their cigarette. “For staying here, I mean. I know I’m not easy.”
He nudged their shoulder with his. “But you’re you. And I love that.”
They nodded slowly. “Isn’t it… great that Susie is her, too?”
He leaned on the railing and his shoulders slumped. “What is this about, Kris?” he asked finally. “Are you alright?”
They shrugged. “Just think you two are good together.”
He shook his head. “Please, stop deflecting.” He reached out and took their free hand. “Are you okay? You seem to have been acting… strange recently.”
They took another drag. “Just had a little more energy today. It was good to get into town to see everyone.”
He turned away. They still weren’t answering the question. And if they didn’t want to answer… “Okay,” he said at last. “But you know that if anything’s going on, you can talk to me, right? And Susie too.”
They nodded. “Yeah. You’re both really good to me.”
The innocuous line raised an alarm in his mind. But his questions and assurances died on his lips as Kris pulled him into a kiss. They tasted of smoke and cocoa and the warmth of their skin dragged him in even more than the hand on the back of his neck.
And then… nothing. They were tamping out their cigarette on the railing and tossing it to the ground outside, and he could see them motioning to go back into the apartment.
He reached out and grabbed their hand as they turned. “Talk to us,” he said finally. “Please.”
Kris's expression was vacant as they responded. “Yeah. Of course.”
And then they were gone again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was still dark when he awoke. There was no way to know what time it was by the light in the window – 2 am? 3? Maybe he’d sensed something was off. A temperature change, the sound of breathing, something. When he awoke with the back of his hand against cool scales and nothing – no one – in between them, he got up with a start.
Kris's spot was empty.
He got up as quickly as he could without disturbing Susie and silently opened the door. There was no need for his heart to be racing like this. They must be in the restroom, or out for a smoke, or something. He checked the bathroom and the porch with no luck. Their cigarettes were missing from the drawer, and their phone was still on the kitchen island.
He ran back to the front door and swung it open to stand on the porch. One solitary pair of footprints led down the stairs and into the night. As he stood, snow began to fall.
Facts. Kris was gone. Their tracks were being covered by new snow. The quickest route would be to follow now while the tracks were still visible. The safest route would be to go for help. Should he call the police? The longer it took him, the less time they had to look…
After a moment of deliberation he bounded back inside and into the room. “Susie,” he said, firmly shaking her shoulder.
She grunted and opened her eyes. “Huh…?” she mumbled. “What’s going on?”
“Kris's gone.”
Her eyes snapped open. “What?” she asked, her voice still gravelly with sleep. “Where?”
“I don’t know.” He bent down to pick up her jeans and shirt from the floor. “They left some tracks. We need to hurry before the snow covers them up.”
“Shit.” She took the clothes from him and dressed as quickly as possible. “Go grab the flashlights from the drawer.”
He did as instructed and pulled on his shoes as Susie met him by the door, then pulled up his scarf and hurried out into the dark after her.
The night was bitterly cold. His breath escaped in clouds even through his scarf, and he shivered in his thin jacket. Where the hell could they have gone this late at night? And why?
Susie was crouched on the ground beside the rapidly-shrinking tracks. The snow had settled in heavier against them leaving only short indents where footprints had been.
“Come on,” she said, turning on her flashlight and hurrying off into the dark.
He followed close behind and switched on his light to follow the prints. Susie was bounding ahead of him – he had to run to keep up, but it was better than being too late for… whatever was happening. It couldn’t be good.
After a few minutes she stopped and cursed under her breath.
“What?” he gasped. He hadn’t run this much in months.
She knelt, pausing to catch her breath. “Trail’s gone,” she muttered. She shined her light across the level drifts on the ground. “Snow’s coming down too heavy.”
He wrapped his hands in the frayed ends of his scarf, his mind frustratingly blank with adrenaline. “What do we do?”
“We could split up?” She stood and turned away from him, her brow furrowed. “I… think I might know where they went, though…”
“We’ll go together.”
She nodded and started off.
After another minute of running it became clear where they were headed. The trees grew closer and the snow deepened as they entered the clearing at the edge of the lake.
Susie stopped and shined her flashlight around the clearing. “Help me look,” she hissed before backtracking to the picnic table, her light sweeping the ground in front of her.
Ralsei pulled his scarf up over his nose and directed his light toward the tree line. Nothing stood out among the branches. Not a light, the shape of a person, any color at all other than the monochrome of the forest.
“Hey Rals, they were definitely here,” Susie called from a distance.
He turned back to her and saw her waving from beside the picnic table. “Did you find something?”
She nodded. “There’s a spot cleared at the table. And an empty pack of smokes.” She turned back toward the woods. “Kris?” she shouted into the trees as she made her way back toward him. “You out here?”
Their voices were strangely muffled against the snow, as if the drifts themselves were absorbing the sound. For a moment, the air was silent except for the sound of Susie's footsteps crunching toward him. “Find anything?”
He shook his head, hiding his face behind his scarf as he looked across the lake. “You don’t think…” His voice caught on his fears. “They couldn’t be… in the…”
“Hey.” She leaned down to look him in the eye and put a hand on his shoulder. “We need to keep looking. They’ve gotta be out here somewhere.” Then she straightened, sweeping her light back across the woods. “I hope… they just went to their parents' house or something. That we’re overreacting.”
He gulped. “They left everything,” he said slowly. “Their phone, their keys… They’re all still in the kitchen.”
She let out a sigh and steeled herself. “Okay. I’ll… I’ll start over here.”
He turned back to the lake and walked slowly toward it, sweeping the beam of his flashlight across the ice floating along the ripples on the surface. His heart had been pounding ever since they started running at the apartment, but it hadn’t calmed down for a second now that they were here. He pressed a hand against his chest as he felt tears come to his eyes. He quickly removed his glasses and wiped his face. Not the time. He headed down the bank toward the cliffs and swept his light across where the water met the shore.
And then, right along the bank, a form appeared through the heavy snow.
He ran toward them and knelt by their side before steadying his light. All at once, both his worry was relieved and his worst fear realized.
Kris's clothes were stiff with ice and their skin had a sickly bluish tint. He pulled them into his arms before looking back toward Susie. “Over here,” he shouted over his shoulder before turning back to them and laying a hand on their cold cheek.
Susie was with them in a second. “God damnit,” she growled as she knelt beside them. “Are they… conscious?”
He leaned his head down and placed his hand in the center of their chest. He could barely feel the rise and fall of their chest and the warmth of their breath. “Yes,” he breathed after a moment.
Susie scooped them up in a second and took off toward town. “Where the fuck are we supposed to go?” she called over her shoulder.
He panted as he tried to catch up with her. “The hospital?”
“Closed,” she shouted back. “Home?”
He didn’t answer. Together, they ran toward their shared apartment.
When they got inside, Ralsei bounded over to set the heater to full blast. “Okay, we can figure this out,” he muttered, more to himself than Susie.
“Here,” she called back to him, and he turned to see her laying Kris on the couch. “You can warm them up better than me,” she said, pulling out her phone. “I’ll figure it out. Just need your help.”
He quickly took her place on the couch and took Kris's hands in his. Their fingers were ice cold. After a moment he pulled them against his chest, hoping with all of his might that his heat could in some way bring them back, that their hands would once again be warm and gentle in his. But their breathing stayed shallow, and the tint of their lips hadn’t changed from that sickly blue since they’d come inside.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement in the bathroom. A moment later the sound of rushing water filled the apartment.
Susie appeared at the bathroom door. “Bath,” she said simply, and hurried over to scoop them up once again before turning toward the bathroom. It only took a moment for her to lay Kris gingerly into the bathtub and turn toward the faucets. “Not too hot,” she muttered, dipping her fingers into the water. Then, she looked over at him. “Could you?” she asked quietly. “I can’t… really tell by their standards.”
He nodded and dipped his fingers into the water. “It’s fine,” he replied.
She nodded. “Okay,” she breathed. “Just… keep their head out of the water.”
He turned back to Kris. Some color was coming back to their face. He reached down to pull them up slightly out of the rising water. Through the soaked fabric of their shirt, their skin felt warmer, too.
When the water had filled up to their chest, Susie turned off the tap. She slumped down to lean against the side of the bathtub. “What the fuck,” she muttered to herself.
Ralsei didn’t answer, just stroked Kris's bangs back from their forehead. Their skin was still cool to the touch but was regaining its normal blush, and their breathing was beginning to even out.
After a moment, Susie spoke again. “What happened?” she wondered aloud. “Change of scenery for a smoke break?”
He reached into the water to take their hand in his. “They’d been in the lake.”
“Polar plunge,” she suggested.
He shook his head. “I think this is just…” He stopped, gazing down at their unconscious form. “This is part of being with Kris.”
“Dude,” she muttered, covering her eyes with her hands, “the hell does that mean?”
He sighed, rubbing circles on the back of their hand with his thumb. “It’s not the first time something like this has happened,” he said quietly. “You’ve seen it, right?”
“Seen what?” she growled. “Stop talking in freaking puzzles.”
He silently lifted their left arm from the water and pushed back the sleeve to expose the long, dark scar on their forearm.
“Fucking hell,” she muttered, reaching out to gingerly trace the line. “They always wanted the lights off. Thought they were just shy.” She moved closer, taking their arm in her hands. “The hell?” she mumbled as she ran her fingers across the thin white lines crossing their forearm.
“Like I said,” he responded quietly. “They have good days and… pretty bad ones.”
She dropped their arm and slumped back against the tub. “Why wouldn’t they tell me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
He reached out and set their arm gingerly back into the water. “It’s still fairly recent.”
“Like… when?”
“A few months ago.”
“So… when I…”
“Yes.” He turned his attention back to Kris. “When you left.”
She pulled her knees to her chest. After a while, she spoke up again. “Are you mad at me?”
He looked up to meet her eye. “Of course not. You may be together, but their actions aren’t your responsibility.”
“They kind of are, though.” She rested her chin on her knees. “Why did they tell you and not me?”
“It was… unavoidable,” he said quietly. “I was with them at the hospital.”
“Shit.” She covered her face again. “I was out there dicking around while you two were… I’m sorry.” She sighed and looked away. “Do you think… Kris hates me for that?”
“Kris loves you,” he reassured her instantly. “As far as the rest… I think you should talk to them about that.”
She nodded and glanced back at them. “If they don’t wake up soon I’m calling their dad.”
“Huh?”
“Well, the police.” She scratched at a spot on the bathroom floor. “It’d be him.”
He took their hand in his once more. “I think Kris would hate that.”
“Yeah, well, we can’t lose them.” She looked away again. “I can’t. If they need more than we can do, then-”
Ralsei gasped as he felt Kris's hand twitch in his. “Kris, can you hear me?” he said quickly, raising a hand to their cheek.
A low grumble sounded from their throat. A moment later, their eyes opened slightly.
“Thank god,” Susie said simply, leaning toward them against the rim of the tub. “Hey, Kris.”
Kris blinked a few times, bringing the two of them into focus. A moment later, a small smile crept to their face. “I knew it would be you,” they said, their voice hoarse. Then they leaned back against the edge of the tub and their eyes slid closed once more.
Ralsei pushed their hair back. “Kris,” he said quietly. “You need to get up.”
Their eyes opened slowly. “Huh?”
“Yeah, dude,” Susie said, her voice soft. “You were freezing out there. You gotta get to bed.”
Their mouth pulled into a frown as they took in their surroundings. “I’m in the bath,” they said simply, the gears in their mind turning. “Shit.”
Ralsei rubbed the back of their hand. “It’s alright,” he said. “We need to get you some dry clothes. Are you okay to walk?”
They tried briefly to lift themself from the tub but fell back down just as fast. After a moment, they shook their head.
“I gotcha,” Susie said, and she bent to pick them up out of the water.
Ralsei followed her back to the bedroom and rummaged through the closet for dry clothes. He came back with a pair of fluffy pajama pants and a tee shirt.
Kris was leaning on Susie's shoulder as she stripped their wet clothes off of them. Ralsei helped pull on the shirt and stabilize them as Susie finished up. Then he lowered them down against the pillows and crawled under the covers beside them.
Susie looked over the two of them for a moment, then stalked out of the room. A minute later there came the sound of the drain plug being pulled in the bathroom and some shuffling outside the door.
Ralsei rolled onto his side to look at Kris. They were facing away from him, their shoulders shaking. Were they cold? Crying? He stopped himself from reaching out immediately.
“Can I hold you?” he asked quietly. In the faintest hint of street light from the window he saw them nod. He got closer and laid an arm over their waist, their back pressed up against his chest.
After a few moments they stopped shaking. Their breathing became slow and even, and Ralsei wondered if they had fallen asleep already.
“Hey, Kris?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.
“Hm?”
“Was that an attempt?”
They didn’t answer right away. When they did, their voice was hardly more than a whisper. “No.”
“Okay,” he said simply. After another moment, he continued. “I love you.”
They didn’t respond.