Archive of Our Own

There were arguments that burned themselves out quickly, all sharp words and slammed doors, leaving nothing behind except embarrassment.

This was not one of them. This one began with Jimin sitting on the edge of a rehearsal-room floor in Los Angeles, his back against the mirrored wall, an oxygen mask pressed over his mouth and nose while six frightened men pretended not to be frightened.

The music had been stopped so abruptly that the last note still seemed to hang somewhere in the room. Staff moved around them in low, efficient voices. Someone had opened the door. Someone else had brought water. Hoseok stood nearby with his hands planted on his hips, pale beneath the sweat from rehearsal, while Namjoon spoke quietly to one of the staff members. Jungkook had crouched a few feet away as though he wanted to come closer but had been told not to crowd him. Taehyung hovered behind him, worry plain across his face.

Yoongi stood furthest away. That was the only reason nobody immediately noticed how badly his hands were shaking.

Jimin had gone down so suddenly. One moment he had been dancing, stubbornly pushing through another full run despite the fact that they had already rehearsed for hours. The next, the movement had gone wrong in a way Yoongi knew too well: Jimin had missed a step, caught himself, blinked hard as though the lights had become too bright, and tried to keep going.

He had made it another six seconds. Then his knees had buckled. Yoongi had reached him almost at the same time Jungkook had, catching one arm while Jungkook caught the other. Jimin had still tried to laugh. That laugh was what had scared Yoongi most. It had sounded thin.

"I'm okay," Jimin had insisted while they helped him sit down.

He had not been okay. His breathing had become shallow and uneven. His face had lost enough color that even Seokjin had stopped making reassuring jokes. When the oxygen arrived, Jimin had accepted it without arguing, which was perhaps the clearest indication of all that he felt terrible.

Now, twenty minutes later, some color had returned to his cheeks. And Yoongi was furious. Not with Jimin. Not really. Fear simply did ugly things when Yoongi had nowhere else to put it.

"You didn't eat lunch."

The room had gone quiet when he said it.

Jimin looked up. He had removed the oxygen mask a few minutes earlier. His hair was damp and falling across his forehead, and he still looked exhausted despite the irritated spark that immediately entered his eyes.

"I ate."

"You had half a banana."

Jimin's mouth tightened. "I had more than that."

"You had half a banana and coffee."

"Hyung."

"And yesterday you skipped dinner."

Jimin glanced around them. The others suddenly found various parts of the rehearsal room extremely interesting. Yoongi knew what that look meant.

Not here.

But Yoongi had spent the past twenty minutes watching Jimin breathe through a mask because his body had finally refused to cooperate with him, and whatever patience he normally possessed had been scraped down to nothing.

"You've been doing this for days."

"I'm fine now."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is the point?" Jimin's voice was quiet, but the warning underneath it was unmistakable.

Yoongi saw it and stepped over it anyway. "The point is that you keep pretending your body doesn't need anything."

Jimin's expression hardened.

"Yoongi-hyung." Namjoon's voice came gently from somewhere behind him.

Yoongi ignored it. He knew he should stop. He also knew that if he stopped now, Jimin would smile, say everything was fine, promise to eat later, and the entire thing would disappear beneath another schedule. Until it happened again.

"You barely sleep. You barely eat. You've been doing extra cardio after rehearsals even though you're already rehearsing for hours. Yesterday you were dizzy. Today you nearly collapsed."

"I did not collapse."

"You couldn't breathe."

"I got lightheaded."

"You needed oxygen, Jimin."

That landed. Jimin's eyes flicked toward the others again. Humiliation moved across his face so quickly that Yoongi saw it and nearly backed down. Nearly. Instead, the memory of Jimin sagging between him and Jungkook returned with brutal clarity.

"I know what happened," Jimin said. "I was there."

"Then start acting like it matters."

Jimin stared at him. The silence changed. Before, it had been uncomfortable. Now it became dangerous.

Hoseok took one step forward. "Okay. Maybe both of you should—"

"No." Jimin pushed himself to his feet.

Jungkook moved instinctively, ready to catch him.

Jimin saw it. His jaw clenched. "I can stand."

"No one's saying you can't," Jungkook said softly.

Jimin straightened anyway. Yoongi watched him do it, shoulders back, chin lifting, every part of him rearranging itself around pride. The mask had left faint marks against his cheeks. Yoongi could not stop looking at them.

Jimin reached for his water bottle. "We have a concert tomorrow. I know my limits."

Something inside Yoongi snapped. "No, you don't." The words cracked through the room.

Jimin froze.

Yoongi regretted the harshness. He did not regret the meaning. "If you knew your limits, you wouldn't have been on the floor ten minutes ago."

Jimin turned fully toward him. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Eat."

A bitter laugh left Jimin. "Thank you. Revolutionary."

"Stop."

"No, tell me. Please." Jimin spread his hands. "Since apparently you've decided you know exactly what I should do."

"I know you should eat enough to stay conscious."

"Stop talking to me like I'm a child."

"Then stop treating yourself like you're disposable."

The room went completely still. Jimin's face changed. The anger remained, but something wounded appeared underneath it. Yoongi saw it. He saw it clearly, and part of him wanted to take the sentence back immediately. Another part remained too angry.

"You think that's what I'm doing?"

"I think you keep pushing until somebody has to physically stop you."

"You know nothing about what I've been doing."

"I know exactly what you've been doing."

"No, you don't."

"Jimin—"

"You don't." His voice rose for the first time.

Yoongi shut his mouth. Jimin's breathing had quickened again, though this time anger rather than exhaustion seemed responsible. He looked at the others and then back at Yoongi, his eyes bright.

"You don't get to stand there and embarrass me in front of everyone because you got scared."

That struck painfully close to the truth.

Yoongi folded his arms. "I wouldn't have to say anything if you'd listen when I talk to you privately."

Jimin laughed again, but there was no humor in it. "Privately? You mean when you stare at my plate? When you ask me every thirty minutes whether I've eaten? When you send Jungkook to check whether I finished dinner because you're pretending it wasn't you who asked him?"

Jungkook slowly lowered his gaze. Yoongi shot him a brief look. Jungkook mouthed, Sorry.

Jimin saw that too. His expression became incredulous. "You actually did."

"You weren't eating."

"I am an adult."

"Then take care of yourself like one." The second the words left him, Yoongi knew he had crossed a line.

Jimin went very still. The hurt disappeared behind something colder. "Right."

"Jimin."

"No." Jimin picked up his phone and towel.

Yoongi stepped toward him. "That's not what I meant."

"You said it."

"I said it badly."

"You always say things badly when you're angry and expect people to understand what you meant underneath." That one landed hard.

Yoongi stopped.

Jimin's mouth trembled once before he pressed his lips together. "You don't think I know I need to eat? You don't think I know I'm tired? You don't think I know every camera in this country and half the world is going to have footage of me tomorrow? You don't think I know exactly what people say when I gain weight, when I lose weight, when my face looks swollen, when my body changes?"

Yoongi felt his stomach drop. "Jimin—"

"I'm trying." The words came smaller. That made them worse. "I'm trying every day. I'm trying to look right. I'm trying to dance right. I'm trying to sing right. I'm trying to make sure I don't disappoint anybody because we waited so long to get back on a stage like this, and I want to give everything I have."

"You don't have to give everything."

"That's easy for you to say."

Yoongi flinched.

Jimin noticed. For a moment, regret flashed through his eyes. Then exhaustion swallowed it. "I didn't mean—"

"Yes, you did."

"No."

"You did."

There was anger in Yoongi's voice again now, quieter than before but no less real. He had been frightened for hours, and somewhere beneath the fear was resentment too - the helplessness of loving someone who could recognize every weakness in everyone around him yet become ruthlessly dismissive of his own.

Jimin closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them, he looked exhausted. "I meant that you don't understand what it feels like inside my head."

"Then tell me."

"I've tried."

"Not about this."

"Because every time I say I'm struggling, you try to fix it."

Yoongi stared at him.

Jimin's eyes were wet now. He looked furious about that too. "Sometimes I just need you to listen."

"I watched you almost hit the floor."

"And I needed you to be my boyfriend for five minutes instead of another person telling me what I'm doing wrong."

Nobody moved. The word sat between them.

Boyfriend.

It was not dangerous inside that room. Every member knew. Their closest staff knew. They had known for long enough that Yoongi sometimes forgot there had been a time when he and Jimin had not fallen asleep curled around each other in hotel beds, when they had not exchanged brief touches in dark hallways or quiet kisses behind locked doors. But Jimin rarely said it when other people were present.

The anger inside Yoongi faltered. It did not disappear. He finally understood what Jimin had wanted while sitting against that wall.

Comfort.

Him.

Yoongi swallowed. "I'm scared."

Jimin looked at him.

Yoongi uncrossed his arms, but his jaw remained tight. "When you went down, I thought something was seriously wrong. Then you were sitting there telling everybody you were fine while you couldn't breathe properly, and yes, I got angry."

"So you yelled at me."

"I was scared and angry."

"They aren't the same thing."

"No. They aren't."

Yoongi took a breath. "And I'm still angry."

That surprised Jimin.

Yoongi saw it. "I'm angry because you knew yesterday you were dizzy and didn't tell me. I'm angry because I asked whether you'd eaten and you told me you had when you'd barely touched anything. I'm angry because you scare the hell out of me and then act like I'm unreasonable for being scared."

Jimin's eyes widened. "I never said you weren't allowed to worry."

"You make me feel like I'm nagging every time I do."

"Because sometimes you are!"

"Because sometimes you don't listen!"

The argument surged again.

Namjoon stepped forward. "Enough."

Neither looked at him.

Jimin's cheeks had flushed. "You don't get to monitor me."

"I'm not asking to monitor you."

"It feels like it."

"Then what exactly am I supposed to do? Watch you push until you fall over and smile because respecting you means I'm not allowed to say anything?"

"That's not what I said!"

"Then stop turning everything I say into control."

"And stop turning everything I do into a crisis!"

Yoongi stared at him. Something hard settled across his face. "You needed oxygen."

Jimin went silent.

Yoongi's voice dropped. "Maybe it was a crisis to me."

That hurt them both.

Jimin looked away first. For several seconds, nobody spoke. Then he whispered, "I can't do this right now."

Yoongi was still angry enough that he did not follow him. "Fine."

Jimin looked at him sharply. Perhaps he had expected Yoongi to stop him. Perhaps Yoongi had expected himself to. Neither moved.

Jimin grabbed his things. "Fine." He walked out. The door shut behind him.

Yoongi stood staring at it, chest heaving.

Seokjin was the first to speak. "Well."

Yoongi dropped into a chair. "Don't."

"I wasn't going to say anything."

"You're lying."

"Obviously."

Hoseok came closer. "You crossed lines."

"I know."

"And so did he."

Yoongi looked up.

Hoseok's expression was tired rather than accusatory. "He was frightened and embarrassed. You were frightened and angry. Neither of you listened."

Yoongi rubbed both hands over his face. The anger remained. That was the worst part. Even after Jimin had left, even with regret gnawing at him, Yoongi was still angry. Still scared, still hurt. And he hated that all three feelings had become impossible to separate.

They did not speak that night. Yoongi sent one message.

Eat something. Please.

It remained unread for two hours. Eventually, a small read receipt appeared beneath it. No reply came. That annoyed him more than it should have. He threw his phone onto the bed. Five minutes later, he picked it up again. No reply.

"Fine," he muttered.

Jimin did eat. Yoongi knew because Taehyung texted him shortly after midnight.

He ate with me. Soup, rice, chicken. Stop panicking.

Yoongi stared at the message. His first impulse was relief. His second was irritation that Jimin had told Taehyung enough for Taehyung to know Yoongi was worrying. He typed:

I'm not panicking.

Taehyung responded immediately.

Sure.

Yoongi scowled. A second message appeared.

You're still mad.

Yes.

So is he.

I know.

Fix it tomorrow.

Yoongi stared at that one longer. Then typed:

He can talk to me too.

Taehyung took nearly a minute to respond.

Stubborn old man.

Yoongi locked his phone.

The next day was the final concert. They arrived at the venue separately. That alone told the others how bad things were.

Normally, Yoongi and Jimin were careful, especially in public spaces where cameras might appear unexpectedly. Their relationship existed in a collection of tiny hidden habits: Jimin lingering near Yoongi while waiting to leave, Yoongi always knowing where Jimin's bag had been placed, knees touching beneath tables, hotel rooms booked near one another whenever possible. Nothing obvious enough to become evidence.

Today there was nothing. Worse than nothing. There was active avoidance. Jimin refused to look at Yoongi. Yoongi looked at Jimin and then deliberately looked away.

During soundcheck, Jimin laughed brightly with Taehyung and Jungkook, his smile carrying that exaggerated brightness Yoongi recognized immediately as performance. Yoongi watched from several meters away with his arms folded across his chest.

When Jimin missed a cue because he was adjusting his in-ear, Yoongi's mouth tightened. Usually he would have teased him. Today he said nothing. Jimin noticed. His shoulders went rigid. A few minutes later, Jimin crossed behind Yoongi to reach the water bottles. There was plenty of space, but he angled his body carefully so their sleeves would not touch.

Yoongi noticed that too. Instead of hurt alone, irritation flared inside him. He stepped aside even farther. Jimin's jaw clenched. Hoseok, watching from across the stage, closed his eyes as though praying for patience. Later, one of the staff handed Yoongi an electrolyte packet and a protein bar.

"Jimin-ssi said—"

Yoongi's expression changed so quickly that the staff member stopped. Across the room, Jimin's head turned. Their eyes met. Yoongi held the protein bar. For a moment, something softer almost surfaced. Then yesterday returned.

The oxygen mask. The accusation that Yoongi did not listen. Jimin walking away.

Yoongi looked down at the bar and set it beside his phone. Jimin saw. His face went blank. Taehyung muttered something under his breath. Yoongi heard only the last two words.

"...both idiots."

Yoongi ate the protein bar ten minutes later. He made sure Jimin did not see him do it. That was childish. He knew it was childish. He did it anyway.

Before the concert, they gathered backstage. Their energy usually changed before going onstage. Nerves sharpened into excitement. Someone joked. Jungkook bounced on the balls of his feet. Hoseok checked everyone. Namjoon gave them some version of the same speech he had given a hundred times and somehow made it sound new.

Jimin stood across the circle from Yoongi. His makeup hid the exhaustion well. Yoongi could still see it. He had spent years learning Jimin's face.

He knew when his smiles were too deliberate. He knew the tiny crease that appeared between his eyebrows when his head hurt. He knew when Jimin rolled his shoulders because they were stiff rather than because he was warming up. He knew when Jimin was hungry. He knew when Jimin was pretending he wasn't.

Normally, knowing those things made him tender. Today they made him angry again. Because Jimin knew Yoongi knew. And he had hidden it anyway.

Jimin caught him staring. Their eyes locked. Yoongi did not look away immediately this time. Neither did Jimin. The tension between them was so sharp that Jungkook glanced from one to the other. Jimin's chin lifted. Yoongi's expression hardened. Then they both looked away.

Namjoon exhaled through his nose. The speech ended. Hands stacked together. Seven voices shouted. The stage waited. Whatever was wrong between Min Yoongi and Park Jimin had to remain behind the curtain. They were professionals. They had always been professionals. The problem was that professionalism could hide words.

It could not always hide emotion.

The concert was magnificent.

Their fight was obvious anyway.

Thousands of lights filled the stadium. Voices rose around them like weather. The members ran, sang, danced, laughed. They gave everything they had because that was what they did, because the stage had been missing from their lives for too long, because standing in front of ARMY again felt like finding a part of themselves they had nearly forgotten.

Jimin was brilliant.

Yoongi watched him constantly.

Not lovingly.

Not only lovingly.

His attention had an edge to it.

Every time Jimin pushed harder than the choreography required, Yoongi's mouth flattened. When Jimin launched himself into a movement with more force than necessary, Yoongi's eyebrows drew together. When Jimin danced through a transition instead of walking it to conserve energy, Yoongi looked openly irritated.

Jimin noticed every single time. That only made him push more. By the middle of the concert, the fight had become a ridiculous silent conversation carried out across a stadium.

Slow down.

Stop watching me.

Drink water.

Stop telling me what to do with your face.

You're exhausted.

I'm fine.

You're impossible.

So are you.

During one transition, Jimin bent forward with his hands braced briefly on his thighs. Yoongi moved instinctively. One step. Then Jimin straightened and looked directly at him. The expression on Jimin's face was unmistakable.

Don't.

Yoongi stopped. His concern transformed instantly into visible irritation. He gave Jimin a look that said everything he was not allowed to say into a microphone. Jimin's eyes narrowed. Then he turned his back. Jungkook, standing between them several feet away, watched the entire exchange. His eyebrows rose.

"Oh," he mouthed.

Taehyung followed his gaze. His eyes widened slightly. They had known their hyungs were fighting. Now they understood just how badly.

During another song, the members naturally shifted positions. Jimin ended up beside Yoongi. For years, they had learned how to touch without making a touch look meaningful. A shoulder bump. An arm briefly around the other. A hand landing against a back.

Jimin moved closer by habit. Yoongi moved away. It was tiny. Barely half a step. But Jimin felt it. His face changed. The hurt flashed so quickly the audience would probably never catch it. The members did.

Hoseok saw.

Namjoon saw.

Seokjin definitely saw.

Jimin recovered instantly, turning toward Jungkook instead and hooking an arm around him with an exaggerated grin.

Yoongi watched. Jealousy was not the emotion that rose inside him. Guilt was. Followed immediately by stubbornness. He was hurt too. He was allowed to be hurt too. He hated himself for thinking it. He still thought it.

Later, during one of the talking segments, Jimin stood between Jungkook and Taehyung. Normally, somewhere along the line, he would drift closer. Tonight he stayed where he was. Yoongi did not try to close the distance.

When Jimin spoke, Yoongi looked toward the audience rather than at him. When the crowd reacted, the other members laughed and turned toward Jimin. Yoongi remained facing forward. Seokjin looked at him. Yoongi ignored him.

During another ment, Yoongi said something that made everyone laugh. Jimin did not. He stood with his microphone lowered, staring toward another side of the stadium. Yoongi saw. His jaw tightened.

Namjoon, beside him, murmured without moving his lips, "You two need to stop."

Yoongi kept smiling for the crowd. "Tell him."

"I'm telling you."

"I'm not the only one doing it."

"I know."

"Then talk to him."

Namjoon finally glanced at him. "You sound twelve."

Yoongi's smile became dangerously pleasant. "Thanks."

Namjoon sighed. A few minutes later, Jimin crossed behind them. Yoongi tracked him with his eyes. Jimin caught him. For one heartbeat, Yoongi thought the anger might finally break. Jimin looked away. Yoongi's face closed again. The members noticed more as the concert went on.

Jungkook stopped trying to maneuver them beside each other after the second failed attempt. Taehyung gave up completely. Hoseok shot Yoongi a warning look after he answered one of Jimin's comments with a noticeably flat expression. Yoongi ignored that too. He knew he was being obvious. He could not seem to stop.

He had spent the entire day trying to hold two opposing feelings inside himself: the desperate urge to take care of Jimin and the equally strong urge to shake him until he understood why yesterday had hurt so badly. Then came the final ment.

Jimin became emotional. They all did. The last night had a weight of its own. Everything felt more precious because it was ending: every cheer, every light, every look across the stage.

Jimin spoke beautifully. Yoongi tried not to listen too closely. Then Jimin's voice wavered. Every ounce of anger inside Yoongi vanished for one second. He looked at him immediately. Jimin blinked quickly and smiled. The audience screamed encouragement.

Yoongi's fingers curled around his microphone. He wanted to cross the stage. He wanted to put an arm around Jimin. He wanted to press his palm against the back of Jimin's neck the way he did in hotel rooms when Jimin became overwhelmed. His foot even shifted.

Then Jimin glanced toward him. The memory of yesterday passed between them. Yoongi stayed where he was. His expression softened only briefly before the wall returned. Jimin saw that too. During the final bow, they ended up separated by two members. Neither tried to change it. The distance felt enormous.

Backstage after the concert should have been chaos. Usually it was. Adrenaline, laughter, staff congratulating them, members collapsing into chairs, someone demanding food, someone else complaining about their knees. Tonight, the celebrations lasted approximately twelve minutes before Seokjin decided he had suffered enough.

"Okay."

Everyone looked at him.

Seokjin pointed between Jimin and Yoongi. "This is ridiculous."

Jimin, halfway through drinking water, slowly lowered the bottle.

Yoongi was wiping sweat from the back of his neck. "What?"

"You." Seokjin pointed at him.  "Don't 'what' me." Then he pointed at Jimin. "And you."

Jimin's eyebrows lifted. "What did I do?"

"Oh, fantastic. Two people who have suddenly developed amnesia."

"Hyung," Namjoon murmured.

"No. I have spent three hours watching them look at each other like they're contemplating murder."

Jimin's face flushed.

Yoongi's eyebrows rose. "Murder?"

Hoseok stepped in. "He's exaggerating."

Seokjin stared at him.

Hoseok reconsidered. "A little."

Jungkook raised a hand. "The thing during the transition was scary."

Yoongi looked at him. "What thing?"

"When Jimin-hyung bent over and you looked at him like you wanted to carry him offstage against his will."

"I did not."

Taehyung snorted. "You absolutely did."

Jimin crossed his arms. "See?"

Yoongi turned toward him. "See what?"

"That face."

"What face?"

"The one you're making right now."

"I'm not making a face."

"You've been making a face at me for four hours."

"Because you've spent four hours pretending I don't exist."

Jimin stared at him. "You moved away from me."

"After you avoided me all day."

"Because you were angry!"

"I am angry!"

The room fell silent. There it was. Finally spoken. Jimin's face changed.

Yoongi lowered the towel from his neck. "I'm still angry, Jimin."

"So am I."

"Great."

"Great."

Seokjin looked slowly at Namjoon. Namjoon rubbed his forehead.

Hoseok stepped between them before either could continue. "Both of you stop."

Neither looked pleased.

Hoseok turned first to Yoongi. "You were scared yesterday."

"I'm aware."

"And you said cruel things because you were scared."

Yoongi's mouth tightened. "Yes."

Then Hoseok looked at Jimin. "You were humiliated and hurt."

Jimin nodded.

"And instead of telling him that once everyone calmed down, you've punished each other all day."

"I'm not punishing him," Jimin said.

Yoongi laughed under his breath.

Jimin's head snapped toward him. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No, say it."

"You're not talking to me. You're not looking at me. You spent the whole concert acting like standing beside me was going to kill you."

"You stepped away from me!"

"After you spent the entire morning walking around me like I was furniture!"

Namjoon raised both hands. "Enough." Something in his voice finally stopped them. He looked between them. "You are both hurt. We understand. But this is going nowhere."

Jimin looked away. Yoongi's breathing remained shallow with frustration.

Namjoon continued more quietly. "Hyung, you were wrong to talk to him that way."

"I know."

"And Jimin, he is allowed to still be angry even if he knows he was wrong."

Jimin's eyes flicked toward Yoongi.

Namjoon looked at him. "You scared him. That doesn't make you responsible for his reaction, but it doesn't mean his fear disappears because the reaction was bad."

Jimin's shoulders lowered slightly.

Then Namjoon looked at Yoongi. "And you're allowed to be angry without making him pay for it."

Yoongi looked down. That one hit.

Seokjin sighed. "There. Sensible leader speech. Listen to him."

Jungkook nodded.

Taehyung tugged gently at Jimin's sleeve. "Talk when you're ready."

Jimin swallowed.

Yoongi looked at him. Their eyes met. Neither apologized. Not yet.

Jimin picked up his bag. "I'm tired."

This time nobody tried to stop him. He walked toward the door. Just before leaving, he paused. His shoulders shifted as though he might turn around. Yoongi watched. Jimin did not. The door closed. Yoongi sat heavily in the nearest chair.

Hoseok handed him a bottle of water. "Drink."

Yoongi took it.

Seokjin raised an eyebrow. "Interesting how obedient you are when someone tells you."

Yoongi glared at him. "Not now."

Yoongi showered at the hotel. He ordered food and barely touched it. He was still angry. That surprised him. He had expected the anger to disappear once he was alone. Without Jimin in front of him, without the stage, without six members watching every expression, surely the fear underneath it would take over and leave only regret. Instead, both remained.

He regretted humiliating Jimin. He regretted the way he had spoken. He hated the memory of Jimin's face after he'd told him to take care of himself like an adult. But he was still angry that Jimin had lied when Yoongi asked if he'd eaten. Still angry that Jimin had been dizzy the previous day and said nothing. Still angry about being made to feel unreasonable for being terrified.

Yoongi sat on the edge of the bed with damp hair and his phone beside him, television playing silently across the room. The suite felt too large. Hotel rooms always did without Jimin. Usually Jimin filled them somehow. Shoes abandoned near the door. Skincare spread across the bathroom counter. A hoodie thrown across a chair. Complaints about room temperature. Music playing quietly from his phone while he wandered around stealing bites from Yoongi's food despite insisting he wasn't hungry.

Yoongi looked at the untouched second set of chopsticks beside the takeout containers. He had ordered Jimin's favorite without thinking. That irritated him too. He could be furious with the man and apparently still order his dinner automatically. At one in the morning, he considered texting. He wrote:

I'm sorry.

Deleted it.

Too easy. He was sorry, but that was not all he felt. Then:

We need to talk.

Deleted.

Too aggressive.

Finally:

Did you eat?

He stared at it.

"Absolutely not."

Delete.

Yoongi threw the phone onto the bed. Someone knocked on the door. His entire body went still. Another knock followed.

Soft.

Three taps.

Yoongi knew that knock. He crossed the room, stopped with his hand on the handle, and forced himself to breathe before opening it. Jimin stood outside. He had showered too. His hair was soft and slightly damp, his face bare, his body swallowed by an oversized sweatshirt. He held his phone in one hand. For several seconds, neither spoke.

Yoongi's anger did not disappear at the sight of him. Neither did the love. That was somehow worse.

Jimin looked past him. "Are you going to let me in?"

Yoongi stepped aside. Jimin entered. The door shut. Silence filled the room. Jimin noticed the food. His gaze lingered on it.

"You ordered too much."

"I usually do."

"For me."

Yoongi leaned back against the door. "Yes."

Jimin nodded. He looked tired. Yoongi's concern stirred immediately. He crushed the question before it reached his mouth.

Jimin turned. "You're still mad." It was not a question.

Yoongi looked at him. "Yes."

Something flickered over Jimin's face. "Okay."

"You're still mad too."

"Yes."

"Okay."

Silence again. At least it was honest. Jimin walked farther into the room and sat at the small table by the window. Yoongi stayed standing. Los Angeles glittered outside. From this high up, the city looked quiet. Neither of them was.

Jimin rubbed his palms together. "I kept waiting for you to come after me yesterday."

Yoongi's eyebrows drew together. "You told me I don't listen."

"I know."

"And then you walked out."

"I know."

"So I didn't follow you."

"I wanted you to."

Irritation sparked again.

Yoongi stared at him. "How was I supposed to know that?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly."

Jimin looked up.

Yoongi pushed away from the door. "This is part of why I'm angry, Jimin-ah. You tell me one thing, want another, then get hurt because I don't guess correctly."

Jimin's expression tightened. "I didn't say it was fair."

"But you were angry at me for it."

"I was angry about everything."

"So was I."

"I know."

Yoongi stopped across from him. Jimin looked exhausted again. The anger inside him weakened at the edges. Not enough to vanish.

Jimin sighed. "I wanted you to come after me and then probably would have told you to leave."

Yoongi stared.

Jimin rubbed at his forehead. "I know how that sounds."

"It sounds impossible."

"It probably was."

For the first time that night, Yoongi's mouth twitched. Jimin saw it. His expression softened faintly. Then it became serious again.

"I didn't come here to fight again."

"Neither did I."

"But you're angry."

"Yes."

"So talk."

Yoongi sat across from him. For a moment, he said nothing. Then he looked directly at Jimin. "You lied to me."

Jimin went still. "When?"

"When I asked if you'd eaten."

Jimin looked down.

"You said you had."

"I did eat."

"Half a banana."

"Yoongi—"

"No. You told me to listen yesterday. So listen to me now."

Jimin's mouth closed.

Yoongi took a breath. "I asked because I was worried. You knew why I was asking, and you lied because you didn't want me to keep asking. Then you got dizzy. You didn't tell me that either."

Jimin's fingers curled together.

"And the next day you went down in front of me."

Yoongi's voice became rougher. "I know I handled it badly. I know I embarrassed you. I know I talked to you like I had the right to decide what you should do with your body, and I didn't. But you scared me, Jimin. And I'm angry that you scared me after I tried to tell you something was wrong and you kept brushing me off."

Jimin's eyes had begun shining.

Yoongi continued anyway, softer now. "I felt helpless."

That changed something. Jimin looked at him.

Yoongi's jaw tightened. "I hate feeling helpless when it comes to you."

Jimin swallowed. "I wasn't trying to make you feel that way."

"I know."

"I wasn't trying to lie."

"You did."

"I know."

Yoongi waited.

Jimin stared at his hands. "When you ask me about food, I hear more than what you're saying."

Yoongi stayed quiet.

Jimin drew a shaky breath. "I hear that somebody noticed. I hear that I'm failing at something again. Even if that's not what you mean."

Yoongi's anger shifted.

Not gone.

Changed.

Jimin continued.

"It gets bad sometimes. The way I see myself. The way I think people see me. When we're preparing for something important, it gets louder. I start thinking that if I work harder or get smaller or practice another hour, I'll finally feel right."

"Do you?"

Jimin shook his head. "No." The answer came painfully quickly. "I just move the line."

Yoongi looked down.

Jimin rubbed his thumb over his knuckle. "I know it isn't logical."

"You don't have to defend it to me."

"I think I do."

"You don't."

Jimin looked at him.

Yoongi's voice softened. "You have to explain it to me because I don't live inside your head. That's different from defending it."

Jimin blinked. His eyes filled further. "Yesterday, when I got dizzy, I was scared."

Yoongi's chest tightened. "You kept saying you were fine."

"Because everybody looked terrified."

"So were you."

"Yes."

Yoongi looked away for a moment.

Jimin's voice became quieter. "And then you looked angry."

"I was."

"I know."

"I was terrified too."

"I know that now."

Yoongi rubbed his hands together.

"I'm sorry."

Jimin looked at him.

Yoongi forced himself not to rush.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of everyone. I'm sorry I made your body sound like something I get a vote on. I'm sorry I told you to take care of yourself like an adult."

Jimin's expression crumpled slightly. "That hurt."

"I know."

"It really hurt."

Yoongi nodded. "I know."

"And I said things to hurt you back."

"You did."

"I'm sorry."

They sat with that. No instant forgiveness and no pretending.

Jimin took a breath. "I'm sorry I lied about eating."

Yoongi's gaze lifted.

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was already dizzy the day before."

Yoongi's face tightened again. "Why didn't you?"

"Because I knew you'd worry."

"Jimin-ah."

"I know."

"You understand how insane that sounds?"

A tiny, watery laugh escaped him. "Yes."

Yoongi almost smiled.

Jimin looked at him for a long moment. "I don't want you to stop worrying about me."

Yoongi blinked.

"I just don't want every conversation about it to feel like you're checking whether I've behaved."

Yoongi nodded slowly. "I can work on that."

"And I'll work on actually telling you when something's wrong."

"Before you need oxygen."

Jimin gave him a look.

Yoongi lifted a hand. "Sorry."

"No, that one was fair."

Silence softened around them. Then Jimin's gaze dropped to Yoongi's hand resting on the table. Slowly, he reached out. His fingers touched Yoongi's. Yoongi did not immediately close his hand around them. He let Jimin make the choice. Jimin slid their fingers together. Only then did Yoongi hold on.

"I hated you today," Jimin murmured.

Yoongi huffed. "I hated you too."

Jimin's eyebrows rose. "That's romantic."

"You came here for honesty."

"I regret it."

Yoongi's mouth finally curved. Jimin looked at him. Then he smiled too.

Small.

Tired.

Beautiful.

Yoongi's anger finally began to loosen.

Jimin rubbed his thumb across his knuckles. "When you moved away from me onstage..."

Yoongi's smile disappeared. "I know."

"That hurt."

"I was angry."

"I know."

"I wanted to move back."

Jimin looked at him. "Why didn't you?"

"Because I was angry."

"Very mature."

"You're the one who ignored me for half the day."

"I was angry."

"Exactly."

Jimin's lips twitched. They looked at each other. The absurdity arrived at the same time. Neither laughed fully, but something eased. Then Yoongi stood. Jimin watched him walk around the table. He stopped in front of him. For a second, neither moved. Then Jimin rose too. Their bodies were close enough now that Yoongi could feel his warmth.

Jimin lifted his hands slowly. "Are you still angry?"

"A little."

"Me too."

Yoongi nodded. "Can I still kiss you?"

Jimin's expression changed, softened. "Yes."

Yoongi cupped the side of his neck. The first kiss carried everything they had not resolved. It was gentle, but not tentative. Jimin leaned into him immediately, fingers curling into the front of Yoongi's shirt. Yoongi kissed him again, longer this time, his thumb brushing beneath Jimin's ear.

Jimin exhaled against his mouth. The anger did not disappear because they kissed. It simply stopped being the only thing between them. Jimin's arms slid around Yoongi's neck. Yoongi drew him closer. He had missed this.

One day.

It felt ridiculous.

It felt endless.

Jimin broke the kiss first and rested his forehead against Yoongi's. "I hated not looking at you."

Yoongi closed his eyes. "I was looking at you."

"I know."

"You said I wasn't."

"You were glaring at me."

"I was checking on you."

"You checked on me like you wanted to fight me."

"I wanted to do both."

Jimin laughed against his mouth.

Yoongi smiled. "That isn't funny."

"It is a little."

Yoongi kissed him again. This one was softer. When they parted, Jimin stayed tucked close. Yoongi wrapped both arms around him. For a long time, they simply stood there. Then Jimin's stomach growled. Yoongi slowly pulled back. Jimin's face went pink. Yoongi looked toward the food. Then back at him. He said nothing.

Jimin narrowed his eyes. "Don't."

"I didn't say anything."

"Your face did."

"What face?"

"That face."

Yoongi's mouth twitched.

Jimin pointed toward the food. "Did you eat?"

Now it was Yoongi's turn to look away.

Jimin's expression changed. "Yoongi-yah."

"I had a protein bar."

"At what time?"

Yoongi remained silent.

"Hyung."

"Four."

Jimin stared. "It's nearly two in the morning."

"I was stressed."

"Oh."

Jimin folded his arms. "So when you don't eat because you're upset, it's different?"

Yoongi opened his mouth and then closed it. Jimin waited.

Yoongi sighed. "No."

"Interesting."

"Don't enjoy this too much."

"I am enjoying it exactly enough."

Yoongi caught his wrist and pulled him closer again. "Brat."

Jimin kissed his cheek. "Hypocrite."

They reheated the food. Jimin ate beside him at the table while the city glittered beyond the glass. Yoongi noticed how much he ate. He did not comment. Jimin noticed Yoongi noticing and not commenting. He said nothing about that either. It felt like the beginning of something better.

They kept talking while they ate. Not perfectly. At one point Yoongi became defensive and Jimin called him on it. At another, Jimin tried to brush something off with I'm fine, stopped halfway through, and grimaced. Yoongi's eyebrows rose.

Jimin pointed his chopsticks at him. "Don't."

Yoongi obediently returned to his food. They laughed. Later, Jimin explained more about what happened inside his head when pressure built. Yoongi admitted that fear often made him try to control whatever he could because helplessness frightened him more than he liked admitting.

Jimin listened. Yoongi listened. Neither fixed the other. That mattered. By three in the morning, Jimin could barely keep his eyes open. Yoongi looked toward the bed. Jimin immediately narrowed his eyes.

Yoongi sighed dramatically. "Would you, entirely of your own free will as an independent adult whose choices I deeply respect, like to sleep?"

Jimin stared at him. "You're never letting that go, are you?"

"I am trying to demonstrate personal growth."

"You're annoying."

"Is that a yes?"

Jimin stood. "Move over."

They brushed their teeth together. Jimin complained that Yoongi had toothpaste on his chin. Yoongi wiped it on Jimin's sleeve. Jimin threatened to return to his own room. Yoongi kissed his cheek. Jimin stayed. When they climbed into bed, Jimin automatically took the side nearest the window.

Yoongi turned off the lamp. Darkness settled over them. For several seconds, neither moved. There was still some awkwardness left. A residue from the previous twenty-four hours. Then Jimin rolled over. Yoongi opened his arms. Jimin came into them. Yoongi's chest tightened. He pulled him close, one arm beneath Jimin's neck and the other around his waist. Jimin tucked his face against Yoongi's chest, one knee sliding between Yoongi's legs. Their bodies remembered what pride had interrupted. Yoongi pressed his lips to Jimin's forehead.

Jimin sighed. "Hyung?"

"Hm?"

"If I start doing that again..."

Yoongi waited.

"Pushing too hard."

His arms tightened slightly.

"Tell me." Jimin traced a small circle against Yoongi's shirt. "But don't lecture me."

"I'll try."

"Listen first."

"I will."

"And don't send Jungkook to spy on me."

Yoongi remained silent.

Jimin lifted his head. "Yoongi."

"Fine."

"And if I tell you I'm struggling, don't immediately try to solve everything."

Yoongi nodded. "I can do that."

Jimin settled again.

Then Yoongi spoke. "And you."

"Hm?"

"Don't lie to me because you think it'll stop me worrying."

Jimin was quiet. "Okay."

"And if you're dizzy, tell someone."

"Okay."

"Preferably me."

Jimin smiled against his chest. "Possessive."

"Worried."

"There's a difference?"

"Apparently I'm learning one."

Jimin laughed softly. Then he became quiet again. After a while, he whispered, "I love you."

Yoongi closed his eyes. The anger was gone now. Not erased. Resolved enough to rest. He pressed another kiss into Jimin's hair. "I love you too."

Jimin's fingers curled lightly into his shirt. Yoongi held him closer.

Tomorrow, they would have breakfast. Yoongi would probably look at Jimin's plate and have to consciously stop himself from asking whether he planned to finish it. Jimin would notice. He would probably roll his eyes. Maybe he would nudge half a piece of toast onto Yoongi's plate just to annoy him.

There would be rehearsals again eventually. Schedules. Cameras. Expectations. Days when Jimin's thoughts became cruel to him and days when Yoongi's fear came out harder than he intended.

They would argue again. They would hurt each other occasionally, because loving someone deeply did not make either of them immune to being human. What mattered was that neither wanted the hurt to become distance.

Tonight, there was no stage between them, no thousands of eyes, no stubborn refusal to glance to one side, no anger hidden beneath practiced smiles. There was only Jimin warm against him beneath hotel sheets, breathing evenly.

Yoongi stayed awake long enough to count several breaths. He knew he should not. Yesterday was still too close.

Jimin shifted. Half asleep, he mumbled, "Stop checking if I'm breathing."

Yoongi froze. "How do you know I'm doing that?"

"I know you." The words were slurred with sleep.

Yoongi smiled into the darkness. "Go back to sleep."

Jimin burrowed closer. "Still mad?"

Yoongi considered it. "No." A pause. "Maybe one percent."

Jimin pinched his side weakly beneath the blanket.

Yoongi laughed quietly and caught his hand, bringing it against his chest. "Sleep, brat."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Jimin's breathing evened out again. Yoongi pulled the blanket higher over his shoulder and finally allowed himself to close his eyes. A few minutes later, he fell asleep with Jimin tucked securely against him, the anger of the day finally spent, their legs tangled beneath the covers and the distance they had carried across an entire stadium reduced to nothing.