Chapter Text
“I still think that’s a terrible disguise, oh undercover lord,” Harley kept repeating as they walked into the ice cream shop.
“Shut up, brat. It’s worked for me my whole life,” replied the totally ordinary adult wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses, who was definitely, absolutely not Tony Stark.
“Well, that’s quite an achievement, considering the long, long, loooong life you’ve had.”
“Are you calling me old? Peter, are you listening to this brat? No, never mind, you’re a brat too, so don’t answer that,” he said, leading them to a table in the corner, where a plant blocked the view of it.
Why was that plant there? Was this part of the ice cream shop’s decor? Or did the mafia meet here, and was this their designated seat? Maybe this was a sign from the universe that they were being watched and that the universe knew exactly what they needed? Although… maybe it was because that employee, who looked a little… weak, couldn’t move it all the way?… Yeah, maybe that was it.
“Peter?” Harley called out as they sat down. Harley and he together, pressed up against the wall, and Tony across from them, with his back to the entrance.
“Do you think we’re living in a simulation completely designed to suit our interests so that we’ll do whatever someone else wants us to do for their own entertainment?” he replies suddenly, startling the poor waitress, who now looks at him as if he’d escaped from a psychiatric hospital without being checked out.
Tony just sighs and orders the ice cream, while Dafne, the waitress (not the weak employee), does her best not to fall into an existential crisis, because—what kind of comment was that that came out of that teenager’s mouth? And isn’t this Tony Stark—like, Tony Stark, Iron Man—ordering ice cream? Oh my goodness, he’s ordering ice cream.
Everyone watches as the waitress jots down the order as quickly as possible, pressing her pen hard against the little notepad she’s holding, and assures them their order will come soon in a barely audible murmur, then walks back to her station as if she wanted to run but was forcing herself to act naturally.
“Okay, that comment seems to have sent that poor girl into a tailspin, kid—congratulations.”
Peter shrank back a little in his seat, but quickly snapped at the man.
“That wasn’t my fault, she definitely recognized you. Harley’s right about your so-called disguise; no offense, but I’d say it’s completely useless.”
“Well, thanks for not wanting to be disrespectful. I appreciate it so much more when people contradict me if they say that line first,” was the very, very sarcastic response he received.
The teenagers just looked at the man with indifference and decided to ignore him.
“Why the existential crisis comment?” Harley asked. “Did you notice the plant, too?” he whispered as if it were a state secret.
And that’s how a conspiracy theory took shape throughout the entire hour of ice cream while Tony complained about crazy brats with too much access to sugar, choosing to overlook the fact that he was the one giving it to those teenagers.
And if only they’d stopped arguing long enough to leave the ice cream shop, maybe one of them would have noticed a very excited and nosy fan taking a photo of the three of them as they walked out through the store’s only main entrance. But, well, conspiracy theories took priority over the public relations disaster, at least at that moment.
[*]
SAW TONY STARK @MelisaStarkD
Okay, I know I'm going to sound crazy, but I HAVE PROOF I SAW TONY STARK AT AN ICE CREAM SHOP. He was also with two guys i didn't recognize (does anyone know who they are?) while they were all arguing about something. I saw it with my own eyes, guys. LOOK
[A photo of a poorly disguised Tony Stark heading for the exit, along with two teenagers walking with their backs to the door, apparently to complain to the adult about something; one was wearing a red sweatshirt with vibrant blue accents, and the other a completely black one with just the words “Smile, even if it’s just to pissed off” in gold. Tony looks like he’s having fun, and even though the teens were complaining about something, they also seem happy]
Harsh @Tomatoandcheese
I've never seen those kids with Tony you're right, who are they?
Kenedyinpain @ilostmyjob
Okay but why take pictures of them?
SAW TONY STARK @MelisaStarkD
It's not like they were hiding THEY WERE THERE
Kenedyinpain @ilostmyjob
That doesn't mean you can take pictures of people who appear to be MINORS
No names, just an aura @Avengers5000
buuu fun police, you can't be a fan now
Kenedyinpain @ilostmyjob
Being a fan doesn't give you the right to invade people's privacy just because theyre famous, and certainly not the privacy of those who aren't
Lauri y spidey @nolaura
Well, even though it didn't really work out, Tony seemed to want to go unnoticed, so…
J @javimandarinas
@starkslovechild It looks like those spots are already taken
vix @starkslovechild
oh… :( WAIT WHAT
FirstCap @CapitanofAll
Are we sure this isn't just a publicity stunt? You know, him supposedly being happy with kids and eating ice cream isn't really like Tony Stark at all
vix @starkslovechild
And now you're his secret personal friend or how do you know what he would or wouldn't do, or what wouldn't be “Tony Stark-like” of him?
FirstCap @CapitanofAll
I'm just saying, his reputation is already in the dumpster after he turned his back on the Avengers
vix @starkslovechild
Oh, you're one of those people. Sorry, for a moment there, I thought I could reason with you.
Our King and Savior Snark @TONYFANBASE
Uh... I just went to get a chomilk What's all this about???
-Admin 2
¡Flash! @spideyspeed
¿PARKER???
[*]
CLUB ACADÉMICO ( sin el profesor H )
Flash: PARKER
Flash: Explain what this is supposed to be
Flash: [Screenshot TWT] [photo]
Betty: ¿QUÉ?
Betty: Peter… WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH TONY STARK???
Mj: Eating ice cream, isn't it obvious?
Betty: Do you know something about this?
Betty: …
Betty: @Ned YOU YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS
Ned: Ehhh why do you talk to Mj normally and yell at me?
Betty: Don't change the subject
Abe: w t f
Charles: That's a good photo
Betty: @Ned
Betty: @Ned
Betty: @Ned
Cindy: Ehhh okay @Ned answer, my phone's gonna explode because of Betty
Betty: @Ned
Cindy: Wait, why don't they just ask Peter directly?
Betty: He doesn't get the messages
Betty: @Ned
Ned: okay okay
Ned: but you guys already knew Peter has an internship
Mj: Yeah, no matter what Flash says, Peter has his internship
Mj: Not news
Flash: Because there's no way he got an internship at Stark Industries
Flash: I read that you have to at least be in college to apply
Cindy: I'm not gonna say Peter doesn't have an internship, I believe him
Cindy: But what I don't believe is that being an intern at Stark Industries means eating ice cream with TONY STARK himself
Abe: Point for Cindy
Abe: What does the other side say in defense
Mj: Mind your own business
Betty: Mj… please
Mj: You can ask Peter when he stops going missing
Ned: yeah, yeah
Ned: ask Peter
Peter: ask me what?
Betty: PETER
Betty: Explain why you were eating ice cream with Tony Stark
Peter: what
Peter: how do you know that
Mj: Read the messages, dumbass
Peter: oh
Peter: heh
Cindy: "Heh"???
Betty: Peter
Peter: Sorry guys
Peter: I have to talk to… someone first
Betty: PETER
Abe: Wait NOOO
Abe: What ice cream does Iron Man eat, Peter
Charles: Abe???
Peter: Coffee, hazelnut and choco mint
Charles: WHAT
Abe: CHOCOMINT?????
Abe: I feel betrayed
Charles: Never meet your idols
[*]
TONY STARK WAS SPOTTED WITH TWO CHILDREN WHO APPEAR TO BE VERY CLOSE TO HIM. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, GIVEN THE MULTIMILLIONAIRE'S PERSONALITY AND LIFESTYLE?
NYGossip
TONY STARK VISITS AN ICE CREAM SHOP IN BROAD DAYLIGHT—WHO ARE THE COMPANY?
NYtellsyou
TONY STARK REAPPEARS WITH TWO TEENAGERS BY HIS SIDE—WHAT HAVE WE MISSED IN IRON MAN'S LIFE?
NYSuperherosTV
[*]
CHILDREN OF CHAOS AND CAFFEINATED DAD
Thing 1 (P): eh
Thing 1 (P): we're in trouble
Annoying (tin can <3): What did you two do now?
Thing 1 (P): I said WE'RE
Thing 1 (P): like, as a group
Thing 2 (H): what happened
Annoying (tin can <3): Why do you make sure to put the accent marks when you don't even care
about capital letters?
Annoying (tin can <3): or punctuation
Thing 2 (H): shut up, tin can
Thing 1 (P): don't be annoying
Annoying (tin can <3): I'm starting to think the nickname isn't about the cans
Thing 1 (P): okay but
Thing 1 (P): we're trending on twitter
Annoying (tin can): I'm always trending on twitter
Thing 1 (P): WE'RE
Thing 2 (H): AS A GROUP
Thing 2 (H): and what, why
Thing 2 (H): ah, I see it now
Annoying (tin can): We're in the news
Thing 2 (H): meh
Annoying (tin can): …Pepper just texted me
Thing 1 (P): NO MEH NO MEH
Thing 2 (H): Damn