Chapter Text
MIU
Of all the things Miu had done in her short life, this was possibly the most embarrassing one.
She knew exactly how she looked: eyes puffy from crying, slightly snotty and splotchy-faced, and shivering from the absence of a jacket. In her defence, Miu had been in a hurry when she left her house and a jacket was the last thing on her mind.
Yet despite her haggard appearance, Miu knocked on the front door with all the courage she could muster. She knew that the woman inside would never turn her away.
She waited patiently. She felt like one of those stray kittens who come scratching at the door, meowing to be let in on rainy days.
The door opened and a fresh batch of tears burst out of Miu.
"P'Tongta…" Miu sobbed as the tears came unbidden.
Before her, Tongta stood in the doorway with a shocked expression.
"I'm sorry, phi," Miu cried, her voice trembling, "I didn't know who to g-go to."
She sounded pitiful even to her own ears; she couldn't imagine how Tongta felt hearing her nong crying so hard. Through her tears, she watched as Tongta rushed to her side and scooped her up into a hug. She smelled exactly the same as she did in Miu's childhood: faintly of lilac and jasmine. Tongta was the only person Miu knew who had stuck to the same perfume for over a decade. She was dependable like that.
Still embracing and rubbing Miu's back, Tongta said, "Hey, hey, it's OK. What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
But Miu could only cry harder. The memory of today's events were flooding through her mind and whatever emotions she had tried to rein in were spilling out now. Miu was being hit with everything at once. Wordlessly, Tongta kept Miu at her side as she pulled her into the apartment.
Tongta lived in a nice neighbourhood only a short drive from their campus. Her family was kind enough to cover her rent while she lived there, citing that she deserved some independence during her university days. Miu was all-too familiar with this apartment now; she had been over at her phi's home several times despite being only in her first year of university.
So she knew exactly where Tongta was leading her despite the tears blurring her vision. She knew that they would kick off their shoes, walk down the long corridor and make their way to the—
Sweet smiling Buddha, why was Lena sitting on the fucking couch?
Miu was beyond mortified. Despite Tongta's guiding touch, she found that her legs turned to lead and stopped her in her tracks. How could she possibly move? Lena, the gorgeous upperclassman that Tongta was friends with, was currently lounging on her couch like she lived there. The same Lena who Miu thought was the prettiest girl she had ever seen. The same Lena that Miu had had a crush on since the first time they were introduced during an orientation day for the sports clubs on campus.
That Lena was currently looking at her with wide eyes and her mouth parted open.
This was not the way she wanted her crush to see her.
Well… OK, Miu should clarify.
Calling Lena her crush was something Miu only ever did in her head. She had never told anyone this. To her, calling Lena her crush made the most sense: why else did her heart skip a beat every time they ran into each other? Why did she want to look pretty and competent every time they talked? And why would she seek out Lena in group settings otherwise? But Miu knew that this was just a regular, old girl-crush. Just something that a younger girl felt towards a cooler, older phi.
It wasn't something romantic. Miu wasn't gay. She just… thought Lena was super cool and pretty. That's all.
Whatever.
Still splotchy and crying, Miu brought her hands together in a wai and whimpered out, "Hi, P'Lena,"
God, she was probably giving off sad, wet cat vibes. Not cute.
It was hard to see with tears muddying her vision but Miu could see how devastated Lena looked. She watched the upperclassman's eyes flicker over Miu's face and body. In fact, she seemed shocked stiff as she breathed out, "Nong'Miu?"
Hearing such concern in Lena's voice was quite strange for Miu. Usually, Miu and Lena only ever met up in public spaces surrounded by mutual friends and peers. When they spoke, Lena's tone was always polite and friendly. Not to mention Lena always looked fantastic — even now in just pyjamas, she was mesmerising. She had incredibly expressive eyes, bone structure to die for, and a ridiculously sexy silhouette cultivated in the gym.
Unlike her, Miu was an absolute mess. Again: this was not how she wanted her crush to see her. Could this day get any worse?
"Let's get you some dry clothes and a blanket, OK?" Tongta spoke softly beside her, "And then you're gonna tell me what's wrong."
Miu could only nod and be led around. She could feel Lena's gaze following her as Tongta led her into the bedroom to get dressed. Her mind was in a bit of a haze from the emotional turmoil. Tongta was kind enough to lay fresh clothes out for Miu so she could get dressed in privacy. The last thing Miu needed right now was to get dressed in front of either of them. She didn't feel particularly pretty right now. She counted her blessings that Tongta didn't prescribe to the 'we're all girls here' nonsense. It was one thing to get dressed in the locker room with a sports team; this was another thing entirely.
Oh, and remember when Miu asked if this day could get any worse?
Tongta decided that the most appropriate outfit to warm Miu up was a white shirt (fine) and a pink, fuzzy pair of Hello Kitty pants (less fine).
Miu felt like a child as she stepped out of Tongta's bedroom. She found both Tongta and Lena sitting on the couch exactly where she had left them.
With as much of her dignity as she could maintain, Miu rounded the couch and sat down beside Tongta. Which was also directly across from Lena who had her body faced entirely towards Miu.
No one said anything for a moment.
Then Lena asked, "Are you OK?"
Miu felt like crying all over again. Just a simple, three-worded sentence and she could feel the tears stinging at her eyes again. She felt so silly for coming all this way in the rain because she was sad. She wasn't a child anymore! Yet here she was, crying and whining for her phi to comfort her.
"I'm sorry for worrying you both," Miu said, sniffling a little as she looked down at her lap, "I just… my parents aren't home and m-my brother is overseas so I was alone at home and I just—"
"First of all, take some deep breaths. You look like you're about to pass out," Tongta said as she rubbed Miu's back.
Miu tried her best to do that. Really, she did. It was just impossible with Lena looking at her like that. Miu wasn't sure that anyone had ever looked at her as intensely as Lena was in that moment. It felt like her eyes were a black hole slowly but surely pulling Miu into them.
More importantly, it was also so unfair that Lena looked that good while Miu looked like this.
Softly, Lena said, "Take your time."
Right. Back to reality.
Miu shot her a small, sad smile. Why couldn't Lena catch her with a face full of makeup, or with a stack of cash in her hand, or while saving a kitten from a tree? Life was cruel.
When Miu eventually did catch her breath, she looked at Tongta and said, "I didn't have anyone else to turn to. So I thought… you're the closest person I have to family here, phi. I just wanted someone to talk to."
It was as if she had melted Tongta with her words. Tongta's concerned expression softened up and she pouted a little at Miu's words. Definitely pity. Tongta reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair behind Miu's ear. Miu was surprised that the hair even stayed behind her ear: she was still trying to grow it out after cutting it into a bob. Never again. In her defence, the haircut had been for a good cause and she donated it anyway.
That didn't mean that this short hairstyle suited her even an iota.
Lena, for example, had gorgeous, black hair that ran down like waves across her shoulders and back. Miu really envied how lush and beautiful her long hair was; her eyes always gravitated towards it.
"Did something happen?" Tongta asked.
A chill spread through Miu at the memory of today's events. There was so much that Miu had to say. So much to recall. Despite the chill, she could feel Lena's eyes on her and it made her skin burn.
Was she really going to admit this in front of Lena?
Quietly, blinking through the tears, Miu said, "It's… Narong."
She felt Tongta freeze beside her. Tongta knew exactly who Narong was. He was Miu's boyfriend of the last two and a half years; how could she not know?
"Who is that?" Lena asked, frowning a little.
"My boyfriend." Miu clarified, adding, "Or… he…"
The words caught in her throat like bitter medicine. She knew what she wanted to say: he was. But was that true? Was Narong no longer her boyfriend? As far as he was aware, nothing had changed in their relationship since the last time they spoke.
And what about Miu? As far as she was concerned, did Miu no longer consider him her boyfriend?
For some unknown reason, her gut reaction was not an immediate yes.
Lena was staring at her with a grim expression. Unless her mind was playing tricks on her, Lena's expression seemed to sour the moment she mentioned the word 'boyfriend'. Or perhaps that was Miu's own strange thinking.
Tongta spoke in a voice strained and taut, saying, "Please don't tell me that he did something."
Miu took one look at Tongta… before promptly bursting into tears again. The sobs just bubbled out of her and Tongta held onto her while she crumbled. This was her phi from childhood: the same phi who taught her how to bake cookies, how to dress like a girl, and how to put makeup on. This was the sister she never had.
So of course, Miu cried in her arms like a little sister.
Her story was recounted through tears and tremors.
No one is ever truly prepared to be cheated on.
You can watch instances of cheating in every form of media. Switch to any TV channel and the drama unfolding onscreen is likely related to an affair, or mistresses, or the like. Hop onto social media and people talk about "micro-cheating", anecdotes of infidelity and advertisements for catching cheaters.
Yet when it happens to you, it doesn't feel familiar at all. It feels like an out-of-body experience as your world comes crashing down around you but your brain can't accept what's happening.
At least, that's how it felt for Miu.
She was living her best life in university. As a freshman in Chulalongkorn, Miu was still learning the ropes about the social climate, the sports clubs, and the coursework itself. She knew that one day she would either inherit her father's business or create something of her own — either in business, as an influencer or whatever she decided. She was only nineteen but the world was her oyster and her family supported her in everything.
Really, Miu couldn't complain about a single thing in her life. Aside from… him.
Miu met Narong when the two of them were in high school. The students who were enrolled in international schools like theirs either came from money or had achieved scholarships. Narong, like Miu, was one of the former. His father owned several business of varying success; enrolment at a high-end school like Shrewsbury was the bare minimum for his eldest son.
Narong had asked Miu out before she ever liked him. She didn't think he was particularly handsome but he seemed kind and gentle. In the end, she allowed him to court her and they began dating during their final year of school.
It seemed idyllic. Most people cooed at the idea of high school sweethearts and Miu was so used to hearing it over the years. They never fought nor got angry with each other.
Miu's life ended on a Friday night.
She had been lounging in her bedroom while her parents were out on a date night. Her brother was living abroad in London while he studied and networked. Her cohort had finished their exams this week and semester break would soon follow. So Miu had the house all to herself.
Her plan was to pamper herself with skin care, food and as many brain-rotting forms of media as she could consume.
Her death knell was the chime of an Instagram DM notification.
Absentmindedly, Miu had been scrolling through Netflix for her next watch. She was tossing up between re-watching one of her favourites or the horrible decision of watching a scary movie alone at home. She never ended up making the decision, though.
Upon checking her phone, Miu's eyebrows scrunched up as she read the preview.
: nong'Miu… isn't this your bf?
Miu's heart dropped into her stomach. She opened the notification and found that it had been a senior at Chula who had reached out to her. She didn't really know him well, just that he ran in the same circles as Miu.
Of course she opened the video attachment that was right below his message. How could she not? It was the same feeling as seeing a terrible car crash and being unable to look away as you drive passed; she knew that the contents of this video would change her life but she had to see it anyway.
Curiosity would kill the proverbial cat once more.
It was hard to see initially. The video was taken at a party in low-lighting and the music was obnoxiously loud even through her phone's speakers. At first the person recording was only walking through a crowd of people seemingly in a rush while giggling. Then, about ten seconds in, Miu finally saw it.
The camera panned up and she could make out the features of Narong's face. She recognised the jacket he wore; how could she not, considering she bought him the damn thing? Even in this lighting, she knew the exact slope of his jaw and the shape of his hair.
Narong was kissing another girl.
She couldn't see who it was. That didn't matter to her. All Miu concerned herself with was the fact that her boyfriend of nearly three years was sucking face with a girl that wasn't her. In public. While people were cheering them on and laughed.
Miu shut her phone off and set it down on the bed. Blank-faced, body humming like static, she got up and sat on the edge of her bed. A thousand thoughts raced through her mind yet only a single one stuck.
Narong said he was getting dinner with his volleyball team tonight.
He lied. Right to her face. He knew that Miu was home alone tonight and he still wanted to go out, clearly with the intention of cheating on her. Narong told her that he missed her and that he loved her. He lied right to her face, smiling the whole time and even stealing a kiss from her.
Miu's face was wet. She had no idea when she started crying. Once she started, however, she couldn't stop. It just kept pouring out of her. Like the raining pelting down outside her window, Miu could not stop the flood now that the dam had broken.
She wanted to call Narong. She didn't want to hear a word from him. She wanted to scream at him. She didn't want anything to do with him. She wanted him to grovel on his knees and beg for forgiveness. She wanted to break up with him. She wanted him to say he loved her and only her.
Her head was throbbing at this point. Too many thoughts paralysed her.
What she did know was that suddenly her house was far too big and much too empty. No parents to run to and no big brother's shoulder to cry on.
Who was Miu to turn to, then? Her friends? They all ran in the same circles as Narong. If she went to them, it would surely get back to him and then she would have to confront him. Or worse, maybe her friends with side with him or defend him. Maybe even justify his actions.
No, Miu couldn't handle that right now.
There was only one person she could go to right now. Only one person who knew her as a kid and would be on her side only.
So now Miu was here, sniffling and blinking her reddened eyes after reciting her troubling tale. Part of her still felt a little embarrassed for acting so childish and needy, seeking out comfort like this. While still a teenager, she was well and truly an adult which meant she should be self-reliant by now. Her embarrassment was only enhanced by the fact that Lena stood witness to it all.
But… Miu really did need comfort from her phi right now. She had no one else to turn to.
"That asshole is so lucky your brother is in London right now," Tongta seethed, "he would've killed Narong."
Oh, that was for certain. Miu was almost glad that there was continents separating her brother from Narong for that sole reason.
For a moment Miu wondered if her boyfriend was still out at that party. She wondered if he thought of her even once tonight. She wondered if kissing was all he did or if he had the audacity to go further. More than anything, she wondered if she could ever forgive him for this sort of deception.
She should probably stop thinking of him as her boyfriend still. That would be a start.
Instead of voicing any of this, Miu bowed her head and said, "I'm sorry for barging in here like this, phi."
Tongta's whole vibe switched like a flip. The anger vanished and was replaced by the familiar, doting phi she always knew. Tongta said, "No, no, I'm glad you did. You're my nong. Of course I'll take care of you after something like this."
Miu let out a wobbly breath and sat up straight, combing her hair from her face. She probably looked like a mess right now.
Get a hold of yourself, Miu.
"Gimme your phone, I wanna see the video."
Tongta's tone brokered no room for arguments. Her hand was already held out in expectation. Miu had never been one to argue with her elders and she wasn't about to start tonight. As shy as a mouse, Miu handed her phone over to her, unlocked. She had nothing to hide yet she still felt a little nervous as Tongta navigated through her phone's contents.
No one spoke. As Tongta watched the video and seethed in silence, Miu was distracted by the weight of Lena's gaze on her. It took everything in her not to turn around and stare right back.
Was she being delusional or was Lena's gaze never straying from her tonight?
"That cheating bastard. God, I could strangle him," Tongta snarled.
This was the same who taught Miu how to gently release insects outside rather than killing them. The same Tongta who would painstakingly peel mandarins or pluck pomegranate seeds into a bowl for Miu. The Tongta she knew was kind, gentle and soft. Hearing her say something so violent was jarring for Miu — it made everything so real.
"Could I see, Miu?"
Lena's voice was oh-so lovely to her ears. Miu looked up and their eyes met.
For some reason, Miu felt ashamed when Lena asked this. As if Miu being cheated on was some sort of stain on her rather than something she was a victim of. But she could never refuse Lena, either. Not when she was looking at Miu with those huge, beautiful eyes.
Was it possible to drown in someone's eyes just from gazing into them? Miu certainly felt like it was a possible.
After some debate, Miu nodded and passed her phone over to the next viewer. Unlike with Tongta, Miu found herself studying Lena as the upperclassman looked down at Miu's phone. Lena watched it with a stern expression, jaw feathering as she clenched and unclenched it. Miu studied the furrow of her brow and the slope of her nose—
OK, now was really not the time for Miu to admiring her attractive friend.
Lena watched the video a few times before she handed the phone back to Miu. Her voice was taut with emotion as she said, "I know the guy who messaged you. He's a good kid. I'm sure he sent this with good intentions."
Miu noted that Lena did not comment on Narong. She found herself hoping that Lena did… yet hoping she didn't, too.
"I'm not upset at him. I'm just sad. I never thought…" Miu trailed off before she bit down on her bottom lip.
She never thought he would do this to her. Narong had always been kind and gentle to her. Even now, after she spoke it into the universe, after two people had witnessed it for themselves, it still didn't feel completely real.
"It doesn't matter anymore." Tongta eventually said, filling the silence, "You two are over. You're never going to speak to him again. Matter of fact, tomorrow morning I'm gonna help you trash all of his stuff. Whatever you've got of his. Or we'll donate it to charity. Whatever. We're gonna scrub your life clean of him, OK?"
Miu just nodded along. It sounded like a good idea. She didn't want anything to do with Narong. Not right now, and maybe not ever again. Part of her felt like she was just going through the motions. Maybe she would wake up tomorrow and miss him desperately. Maybe she would hate him. Or maybe she'd wake up and this would all be a horrible nightmare.
The two of them had a good relationship. They knew each other as high school students, met each other's families, had leaned on each other during rough patches. They were solid. Or, at least, Miu thought they were. But if he was willing to cheat on her, clearly something went wrong along the way.
"Don't even consider giving him a second chance," Lena said.
Miu's head snapped up. Lena was looking at her with a dark look on her face. Her hand was balled into a fist in her lap. It was the first time Miu had ever seen that expression on Lena's face. Whereas Lena was usually the quiet but welcoming drum major everyone knew or knew of, this Lena was… magnetising.
"Lena?" Miu asked.
Lena sighed and said, "You're young. You're pretty. A girl like you could find a better boyfriend within the day. Take my advice as your phi and don't settle for him just because he's familiar and convenient."
It was one thing to be told by your family that you're pretty. Another by friends who loved you. But it was a whole other beast entirely to be told by a beautiful woman that you, too, were beautiful. Miu was dumbfounded that an upperclassman as cool and pretty as Lena was complimenting her so sincerely. Miu even found herself believing Lena's words.
Only for a moment. Until Miu tucked the thought away as: at least Lena personally found me beautiful.
Still, Miu glanced away and weakly argued, "We… we share a lot of friends."
Lena nodded, "OK. That's good. You can cut off any of them that sides with him, then."
Miu frowned a little at this. Was it so easy to just cut friends off like that? It felt wrong to disrupt the little friendship bubble she had cultivated from high school all the way up into university. It was hard enough finding friends in a new environment but… did any of her friends tell her about Narong's cheating? They shared a social circle so at least some of her friends had to of known. Or even suspected.
Yet a stranger had to be the one to inform her.
Maybe Lena was right. Maybe she did need to trim the fat in her circle.
"Lena is right," Tongta echoed.
Miu looked at her with wide eyes. Tongta continued in a huff, saying, "You didn't deserve that, Miu. No one does but especially not you. You're so out of his league, it's not even funny."
?!
Well, this was a first for Miu. She had never heard this kind of sentiment from Tongta before; actually, scratch that, she had never heard that kind of sentiment from anyone before. As far as Miu knew, everyone told her that she and him were a cute couple. People loved a pair of high school sweethearts.
"Phi?"
Tongta motored on, saying, "I'm so serious, Miu, the only thing he has going for him is that his parents are rich. That's literally it. He's not handsome at all, he's dumb as rocks, and he clearly can't see what's right in front of him. You're so much better off without him."
"I agree," Lena said, despite the fact that all she knew of Narong was this grainy video and Miu's words.
Miu's head was reeling. She glanced between the two of them, saying, "But…"
Tongta raised an eyebrow and repeated, "But?"
In hindsight, Miu could not have known what effect her words would have on the women in that room. Nor could she have foreseen the actions they then took because of her words.
All Miu knew in that moment was that many poor words were spoken about Narong. Whether or not he deserved them wasn't relevant. Her mind was scrambled and she was feeling every emotion at once. What Miu also knew, or rather what she genuinely believed, was that—
"I'm… not exactly pretty, either."
Dead silence.
It was as if sound had vanished from the universe. The silence became so loud that all Miu could hear was her own blood roaring in her ears. Her face became all red and hot but she could not look either of them in the eyes.
Miu was not lying. She was not fishing for compliments. She just did not think of herself as a pretty girl. Everyone told her that she was cute. Her whole life, Miu had been the cute girl or the cute friend. The first compliment anyone ever thought of was that Miu was so cute. No one's first thought was that she was pretty. Everyone knew that cute was tiers below pretty in the hierarchy. And she understood that! Miu was sure that one day, she would grow into a beautiful woman like a duckling grew into being a swan.
But that day had not yet come. She would not pretend otherwise.
"Are you joking?" Lena asked.
The disbelief, the incredulity in her voice, sent lightning down Miu's spine. It was as if Lena had just heard the most ludicrous thing she had ever heard. As if Miu not being considered pretty was tantamount to blasphemy.
Yet again, she knew it was just wishful thinking. She was just reading into things like she always did.
Miu turned bright red and refused to look at them. She rubbed at her wrist as she said, "I know what I look like. I'm cute but I'm not a knock-out or anything. I'm a little chubby, my hair doesn't suit me, I—"
"OK, I've heard enough," Tongta cut her off. She did not even glance in Miu's direction as she pulled out her phone and began tapping away.
The seconds stretched on. Hesitantly, Miu asked, "What are you doing?"
Tongta replied casually, "Booking some appointments. You won't be attending any of your lectures tomorrow so ask one of your friends for the notes. Even better if your professor records them."
Appointments?!
"I don't have any more lectures." Miu replied, a little dazed, "My exams are done, so I've got an extra week free before semester break."
"That's even better."
"Wait, but appointments for what?"
There was a gleeful gleam in Tongta's eyes as she said, "All of the stuff you listed can be fixed. I wholeheartedly disagree with your assessment about your looks but! A big part of self-esteem is liking what you see in the mirror. If you don't like it, we'll change it. Starting tomorrow. I'm booking everything: hair, nails, derm clinic, and we're doing personal training with my friend."
Miu looked to Lena for help. This was not what she expected out of tonight. But Lena was even less help:
"Sorry, Miu. I agree with Tongta. Just consider it a pampering day," Lena said with a shrug.
"I'm thinking a honey-brown would you suit," Tongta mused as she scrolled through her phone, adding, "maybe some layers… oh, also, never cut your hair again."
This was all too much. She only came here for comfort after her boyfriend cheated on her, not to have a whole makeover planned for her. Miu held up her hands and leaned back, saying, "I don't know if that's necessary—"
"It absolutely is. Oh my god, this is so exciting, I get to treat my nong like a little Barbie doll!"
She was back at the brick wall.
Lena was still staring at her. Miu wasn't sure how to read her expression this time. She didn't know if it was pity or something else. When they caught each other's gaze again, however, the expression vanished as Lena gave her a soft, warm smile. It was as if that unreadable look on Lena's face had never been there to begin with.
Not for a the first time in her life, Miu wished she could read Lena's mind. Alas.
Lena leaned back into the couch as she said, "Just let Tongta take care of you. It'll be therapeutic for you both."
And how was Miu supposed to say no to that? She didn't. Instead, she shot Lena a bashful look and said, "I'm sorry you had to see me like this."
Lena tilted her head. "Like what?"
"Like," Miu gestured to herself, "this."
"You're beautiful."
Lena said this as easily as breathing. As if she were speaking about the setting sun or the twinkling of sunlight along the ocean's surface. As if it were a sure thing that Miu was beautiful. As if there was no other answer.
Miu believed her. Despite the emotional turmoil she had gone through today, this was the first time Miu had genuinely felt lighter. Just a few sweet words from Lena and she was putty in her hands. Her red face just made it obvious.
Worse still, Lena's smile brightened at the sight of Miu's blush.
God damn it, Miu, be cool.
"Yes, you're very pretty, Miu." Tongta assured her, "And tomorrow I'm gonna make you believe it."
Miu buried her head in her hands and suddenly felt very tired. The night's events were catching up to her. She did her best to yawn in stealth but both of her friends apparently heard it. It didn't take long for Tongta to jump up from the couch, understandably being the first to herd her nong Miu towards her bedroom. Tongta was forcing her to get some sleep and she would not be taking no for an answer.
It wasn't like Miu was opposed to this idea. She was genuinely exhausted after all that crying.
Before Miu could disappear for the night into the privacy of Tongta's bedroom, she caught Lena's eyes once more. Lena was smiling at her until her eyes crinkled into half-moons.
Their held gaze was fleeting but it still sent a thrill through Miu.
For the first time that night, Miu smiled.