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Natasha had started dating Tony a month ago. After almost a year of sleeping together on and off, and Tony pestering her, she'd finally agreed to do this for real. Reluctantly. As much as she hated to admit it, Tony was a good boyfriend. He made her feel wanted, but not crowded. He managed to make her laugh, even when she was very intent on staying grumpy. Which was so aggravating. Everything was good.
Which was why she was not only anxious, but confused, when Tony texted her saying they needed to talk.
She breathed through the anxiety like she always did and made her way to his room.
Natasha rapped on the door and entered at his "come in."
Tony had his desk moved into the middle of his large bedroom. He sat facing the window, which doubled as a wall and a computer screen depending on the setting. For now the bright afternoon light illuminated the room, and made his dark silouhette pop. He was sitting in his office chair, facing away from her.
The door clicked shut behind Natasha, and Tony spun in his chair. His fingers were pointed together in a triangle, and his right leg was bent, ankle resting on his knee. He wore a suit and tie with his signature dark sunglasses.
What the hell? Natasha raised her eyebrows.
"Agent Romanoff," Tony nodded.
She cocked her head at him and opened her mouth.
"Eugh!" Tony spat. He whipped his sunglasses off and moved his leg down. "So formal. Natasha. Mm-" he frowned.
"What the fuck is going on, Tony?" Natasha crossed her arms, a confused smile tugging at her lips.
Okay, maybe I'm not in trouble, but this is still somewhat concerning.
"You need a nickname," he pointed at her.
"Excuse me?"
"You need a nickname, Natasha," he said. "I don't have a nickname for you, and that's so problematic."
Natasha opened her mouth but he cut her off.
"Ah- I have a nickname for all of my favourite people," Tony said. "James Rhodes, Rhodey. Or Rho-rho, sometimes," he chuckled. "Virginia—ew—Pepper, Pep… Happy… I actually forget what his real name is, I've been calling him Happy since uni. I've been wanting to give you a nickname for ages, but now that you're my girlfriend, it does need to happen."
Tony stood up and rolled his chair over to her. "Sit down," he gestured.
Natasha blinked. "Tony, I don't need a nickname-"
"Yes you do."
"Okay, what about Nat?" She asked. "Everyone calls me Nat."
"Yeah, everyone calls you Nat," he said. "Tony Stark doesn't copy other peoples nicknames. Tony Stark nicknames are revolutionary. Now sit your ass down, honey-bun, I have a presentation prepared."
"Honey-bun!?" Natasha spat in disgust, taking a seat.
"Okay, I can cross that one off the list," Tony said. "Thank you for your… visceral input."
He snapped his fingers and the screen behind him lit up. A black card with a flame animation popped up, reading "NATASHA'S OFFICIAL NICKNAME - by Tony Stark, world's best boyfriend"
Natasha rolled her eyes and protested weakly, "Tony…"
Tony swiped to the next slide. It was a blurry picture of Happy reaching for the camera, mouth open in protest.
"Happy Hogan," Tony narrated. "Friend. Brief homosexual experiment."
Natasha's eyebrows nearly shot off her face. She opened her mouth, but Tony shushed her.
"Wingman. Best bro," Tony began to pace in front of the screen as he talked. His signature unnecessarily annoying grin was plastered on his face. "I picked up the grumpiest man on earth, and I thought, 'look at him. He's so grumpy. How can I make this grumpy man… Happy?'"
Natasha covered her mouth to hide the snort of laughter threatening to escape her.
"I thought maybe the only way for him to be happy… Is to be Happy," Tony raised his hands in the air like a magician and winked at her. "I've always shown a level of dedication to my nickname-giving. It is not a task I take lightly."
Tony stepped forwards and cupped her cheek. "And I promise to give my awesome girlfriend the best nickname ever."
Natasha rolled her eyes and swatted his hand away.
"But first, you look hungry," Tony said. He pulled a giant kitkat out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Here."
Natasha bit her lip to hide her smile. She hated the way her heart gave a stupid flutter at the fact that he remembered her favourite chocolate bar. She unwrapped it quickly and bit into it.
"That's adorable," Tony mumbled to himself.
She felt her cheeks heat up, and Tony cried "J NOW!"
"Photo aquired, sir," Jarvis responded.
Natasha swallowed the KitKat and stared at him. "WHAT!?"
"That's unrelated, I just wanted a picture of you blushing," Tony said.
"There are cameras in here???" Natasha questioned.
"Uh, yeah," Tony said. "Don't worry, I don't take anything of you without your consent."
She raised her eyebrows at him.
"Except for right now, of course," he amended. "But I'm being very overt about it. J, airdrop that to my phone and set it has her contact picture."
"Very well, sir," Jarvis said.
Natasha grumbled.
"Actually, drop that on slide 3," Tony said. "Aaaand bring up slide 3."
Jarvis opened the next slide of Tony's presentation. The picture of Natasha with her mouth full of kitkat, looking rather stupid, and definitely blushing stared back at her.
She sighed.
Written right next to the picture in giant letters, was the word "KITKAT."
"KitKat!" Tony cried. "Contestant number one for Natasha's official nickname."
"No-!" Natasha cried.
"It's very fitting, because she's always eating them," Tony said. "And just like kitkats she's very sweet."
Natasha pulled out a dagger and brandished at him.
"Also like a kitkat, she won't actually stab you, because she loves you," Tony grinned.
"The kitkat loves you?" Natasha said.
"That one does," he pointed at her.
She rolled her eyes. "Objection."
"Alright, rapid-fire, let's pick things up!" Tony swiped through the slides, shouting nicknames so fast Natasha struggled to complain about them on time. "FRUIT NINJA, TASHA, NATTY, TASH-TASH, TASHIE, TOOSHIE-"
"TOOSHIE!?" she cried.
"Shush, Tooshie," Tony grinned. "Muffin, Cupcake, Tutu, Tasha-tutu, Beetle, Nettles-"
"Okay, stop!" Natasha cried. "How long did you spend coming up with these?"
"I made this presentation fifteen minutes before I texted you," Tony said.
"Wow," Natasha laughed. "Uh… None of those."
"Really?" Tony demanded. "Some of them are fairly normal."
"One of them is normal, and Clint already calls me Tasha," she said.
"Dammit!" Tony banged his fist on the desk. "I liked that one. It's sexier. Crying out 'Tasha-tutu' while I cum wouldn't be my first choice. I will do it if I have to, though."
"Oh, god…" Natasha groaned. "If you do that I will break up with you on the spot."
"Noted," Tony said. He swiped to the next slide. "Combinations: Most of these nicknames can be followed by certain endings. Like bear. Example: Tashie-bear."
Natasha blew a raspberry and crossed her arms. She settled back in her seat. That was only the first section of the presentation? How long was it?
Tony continued to list off endings and combinations. Some of the ones he listed were Nat-cake, Natty-pie, Tashie-tooshie-wooshie, Fruit Ninja-cup, or just Fruit-cup, which then spiralled into an improvised fruit-related section he hadn't planned for, with Nata-banana being his favourite. There was also Tash-browns, Honey-nat, and Fruit-bat-nat.
Natasha sat with her chin in her palm, listening to the whole presentation with reluctant amusement. Amusement, that was it. There was definitely no tug on her heartstrings or flutter in her stomach that he had put all this time and thought into coming up with a cute nickname just for her.
Okay, fine, maybe something like that had happened, because by the time the presentation was over, and Tony asked "thoughts?" the biting "you're such a dork" which she had planned came out way too syrupy.
Tony's smile widened, if that was even possible at this point. "You have to like at least one of them."
"I really, really don't," she shook her head. "Unfortunately, I do like you."
It was Tony's turn to blush.
"Jarvis, take a fucking photo," Natasha smirked.
"I am specifically instructed by Mr. Stark to not listen to you, should you request I take a photo of him in the event of him blushing, Ms. Romanoff," Jarvis answered.
Tony burst out laughing.
"Oh, fuck you," Natasha rolled her eyes.
"You fuck me," he said.
She scoffed. "I will."
Tony reached out and tipped her chin up. He brushed his thumb over her lips, parting them. Miniature fireworks shot through her and she pushed her chest out. Tony leaned in. She breathed him in, feeling his breath ghost over her lips. He pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. Natasha couldn't fight the smile that spread across her lips. She tipped her head down to hide it.
"Aww, KitKat, you're blushing again," Tony kissed her cheek.
Natasha slapped him and stood up. "Okay. Moment over."
"KitKat!" Tony whined.
"You are so annoying!" She cried.
Natasha turned to leave, but Tony grabbed her waist and spun her back towards him. "You're cute, Honey-nat."
She huffed as he leaned in to kiss her neck. Her hand swept through his hair and scratched his head affectioniately as she grumbled, "shut the fuck up."