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Wile E. Coyote would never tell anyone this, but he was a huge stickler for rules.

The first reason why he wouldn't tell anyone was because of his partial embarrassment. Who would expect a savage-looking coyote like him to be orderly, or to have manners? To the general public, Wile doesn't spend hours a day nit-picking and obsessing over his evil plans. Wile doesn't even bother using the most cutting-edge technologies to make his exact and well-thought-out blueprints of traps!

To them, Wile E. Coyote was just that - a coyote. Running around aimlessly through the dessert, frothing at the mouth with manic eyes as he tried to chase the blue Road Runner. And, at least five times a day, having another one of his cheap ACME products blow up ridiculously in his face.

Well, if that's what everyone's going to think of me as, the coyote thought to himself, then there's no point trying to prove them wrong. No one would appreciate my genius anyway.

The second reason why he wouldn't tell anyone that he was a stickler for rules was that, well, he couldn't exactly 'tell' them. In fact, he couldn't really 'tell' anything.

Rule 4 of the animators' guide book was that no body can talk in their world, except for the Road Runner with his annoying little 'beep-beeps'. And even though Wile was never told about these omniscient, overarching rules of his tiny world, he could still feel it deep in his heart - every time he wanted to scream after the Road Runner mid-chase, or hurl an insult his way - a quiet certainty that he wasn't meant to speak.

He was just Wile E. Coyote, doomed to make a fool of himself for an audience he'd never see. Nothing more.

The coyote shook his head desperately, trying to shake off the existential spiral so he could get back to work. He wasn't supposed to be questioning the terrible laws of his universe. Or his relentless bad luck. Or what the hell ACME even was.

Right now, he was setting up a trap to finally catch the irritating Road Runner. Once and for all.

Wile held a hand over his eyes, squinting up at the massive metal cage he'd recently ordered. The ACME logo was stamped on it's side in bold red. Now, yes, the coyote was noticing a pattern in his latest ACME products - they would either blow up, or implode, or shatter, or do all of those in order - but those were the cheapest products on ACME's site.

Now, this metal cage standing before him? The coyote had spared no expense on this baby. Reinforced titanium bars, foolproof entry and exit points, a key that couldn't be replicated by anyone... there was no way any creature was getting in and back out again. Especially not the pesky blue bird he'd modified the whole thing to capture.

Wile took a deep breath, putting every ounce of force into his legs before leaping to the top of the cage, And of course, as with any of his activities, he ended up bruising his knees badly against the sides. He stifled the pain and dragged himself the rest of the way up.

There, he fastened a rope to the ceiling of the cage, tying a secure bowline knot. This was a knot that he knew, from years of trial and error, was the best choice for a load this heavy. He hopped back down to the ground and made a beeline for the nearby electric pole, the rope's other end still clutched in his hand.

He clawed his way up the metal rod, throwing it over a point that protruded out of the metal, before sliding down the pole in a hurry (Wile had learned from experience that staying in a high place for too long would only get him struck by lightning. Yes, even on a sunny, arid day like this).

Finally, he sprinted to the inconspicuous bush he'd planted there to hide the last piece of his contraption, a small hand-crank winch bolted firmly to the ground. He fastened the rope's end to it, gripped the handle with both furry hands, and began twisting with all his might.

He didn't know how he did it, but his blinding rage and desire to sink his teeth into the Road Runner always brought out his strongest self. Miraculously, the cage was airborne within seconds, high enough to make his stomach lurch just looking at it.

He tied the rope to the winch's handle, making sure that it was as tight as possible to keep the cage levitating in the air.

Now all that's left is a trail of ACME bird seed, right beneath the cage, Wile thought to himself with an evil grin. And yes, nothing but ACME bird seed. Road Runner doesn't like sunflower seeds 'cause they're a hassle to crack open, when he'd much rather eat quickly and continue running aimlessly in search of fun. And he doesn't like thistle seeds either, too much oil...

Wile sighed. He'd spent so long planning this one trap, pulling from every scrap of info he'd ever collected on that smug little bird. Seventy-odd years he'd spent chasing the insolent fool, failing, trying again, failing again, over and over in an endless loop. This plan had to work. For his own sanity.

He sneakily tiptoed to the spot beneath the cage, making sure to not alert the metal box to fall on him. Then he peeled opened the fur of his chest like a coat, pulling out a can of ACME bird seed from one of the pockets and emptying the whole thing onto the floor. He threw the can to the side, making a desperate dive to the bush before he could be spotted.

Wile held his beating heart as he crouched, hidden in the shrubbery.

You've done it, Wile, the coyote congratulated himself as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. A whole marvel of engineering, set up without anything malfunctioning! Now just sit tight and wait for-

Wile couldn't even finish the thought before he heard it - the distant patter of feet against dry desert pavement. It was like a hundred birds running at once, except this one was somehow faster then all hundred combined. The coyote peered through the foliage, squinting to hide his large, yellow eyes. Sure enough, there was that signature cloud of dust approaching.

The whirlwind himself!

Any second now...

There was a loud whoosh as the Road Runner skidded to a stop, and, shamefully, the coyote shrank back a little in fear. He was used to being the one chasing, but whenever the bird came barrelling straight towards him and whatever new trap he'd just set, he had to admit, just a little, that it scared him. Of what exactly, he wasn't sure himself.

"Beep beep!", Wile heard the Road Runner say. Almost immediately, the flicker of fear in his heart was swallowed by a rush of excitement. He swiftly unsheathed his claws, watching them glint in the corner of his eyes, before slashing against the rope before him in one smooth motion.

The cage hit the ground with a loud thud, sharp enough to make the coyote's ears shoot straight up and his skull rattle. He shook his head hard, forcing himself back to focus, before leaping out from the bush to see the results. He almost fell to the ground with tears of joy from what he saw.

There, standing right in front of him, with his blue tail rustling lightly in the wind and his small head darting around in confusion - was the Road Runner.

Yes! YES!

Wile rushed to the cage, his claws outstretched in front of him and his mouth already salivating. He had finally done it!

The Road Runner took a step back in surprise at the coyote's entrance. However, his usual innocent smile remained over his beak.

Oh, I'm gonna wipe that smile right off your stupid face, Wile thought with a wicked grin. Let's see how that smile looks once you're cooked and battered, sitting on my plate with a side of seasoning-

The bird interrupted Wile E. Coyote's manic plotting by bringing out a sign from behind his back. The Road Runner held the sign up for him to read:

[ OOH, LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE FINALLY CAUGHT ME, WILE! ], the sign read in bold.

Wile scowled in distaste. Leave it to the egregiously blue bird to turn every serious situation into a game. The coyote dug a similar sign out from behind his back.

[ TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, YOU IDIOT! I'VE CAPTURED YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL, AND THAT MEANS YOU'RE DEAD MEAT! ]. Wile's mouth watered some more, but he fought to not drool in front of his arch nemesis. That would just make him look silly.

The Road Runner cocked his head to the side, still smiling. He didn't seem to comprehend the amount of danger he was in right now. The bird walked in circles inside the roomy cage, looking for any gaps or holes for him to slip through.

Nothing.

The coyote watched in glee, rubbing his hands eagerly as the bird then tried to squeeze out from between the bars. Only his little head and neck could squeeze through, while the rest of his body proved difficult.

Wile stepped towards the insolent Road Runner's head, his arms folded in front of him victoriously. The poor bird, caged and cornered at last. How tragic. Wile almost felt bad for him.

[ DON'T YOU GET IT? THERE'S NO GETTING OUT FOR YOU WITHOUT MY KEY ], Wile's sign read. He stuck out his fist and uncurled it with a flourish, revealing a glistening golden key. He gave it a slow spin in front of the Road Runner's insufferably smug smile, savouring a moment years in the making. The key proceed to then slip clean off his finger and clink to the ground, making Wile lunge for it before anyone could witness his shame.

Stop embarrassing yourself in front of your meal, you idiot, Wile seethed internally. No matter, though. He won't be grinning for much longer, not once I tear his frail little body apart with my teeth.

[ YAH, I KNOW HOW THE GAME USUALLY GOES, WILE. NO NEED TO EXPLAIN THE RULES TO ME ], the Road Runner said with another sign. [ WHAT I MEAN IS, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET INTO THE CAGE TO EAT ME?? ]

Wile gritted his teeth in frustration, his balled fists trembling.

THIS ISN'T A GAME, YOU INSUFFERABLE-

Wile stopped short. His ears, which had gone rigid with rage, slowly relaxed back to normal. His eyes faded to their usual yellow, pupils still a little smaller than usual.

Wait... that's actually a good point, Wile thought to himself with a start. My plan was to haul the Road Runner back to my cave, pluck him, cook him alive, serve with a side of ginger and salt, yada yada yada - but how am I meant to get this whole cage back home? Push it by myself?

Yeah, right. You and what upper muscle mass, Wile E. Coyote, he thought to himself in frustration.

 The coyote turned his back to the Road Runner, trying to hide the beads of sweat going down his head as he stressed over how he would get the bird from the cage to his kitchen.

I could bring a cart from my cave and... plop the cage onto it, Wile brainstormed. No, no, no! You know that you can't leave the blue bird unsupervised. He'll surely find a way to escape with his dumb luck. Or what if another person gets their dirty hands on his body?!

The bird is for you and you only!

Wile kneaded a knuckle over his forehead, still deep in thought. A light bulb formed over his ears.

Maybe ACME does transport services-

"Beep Beep?", the coyote heard the Road Runner call, clearly growing impatient. And the absolute last thing Wile wanted was for the Road Runner to find him boring, not when he was supposed to be striking pure, unfiltered terror into the guy's heart.

Wile spun back furiously towards the bird, a new sign in his hands:

[ DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE DETAILS OF HOW IM GOING TO EAT YOU, BIRD BRAIN! ], the coyote jabbed into the air furiously, [ WORRY MORE ABOUT LOOKING PRETTY IN YOUR LAST MOMENTS, BECAUSE VERY SOON YOU'LL BE DINNER! ]

The bird nodded back, conjuring a pair of eyelashes out of thin air to flutter for a bit in an attempt to look 'cute'. The coyote grimaced in annoyance.

Wile coiled some of the pulley's remaining rope onto his arm, slicing off a good amount to sling over his shoulder. He stepped towards the cage with a murderous look in his eyes.

I'll just have to settle this mano a mano, Wile thought, expression hardening. It's simple - open the cage door, slip in before the little weasel can slip out, and lock the door behind you. The Road Runner can't outrun you forever in a space that small, not with a rope in your hands. You'll have him tied down within minutes.

Wile slid the key into the lock, shooting the Road Runner a look of dead-serious intent.

The coyote's eyes narrowed to slits. The Road Runner's went wide and sparkly, beaming back at him like this was all a delightful little game.

Somewhere, off in the distance, suspiciously well-timed cowboy standoff music began to play. The two of them had learnt to stop questioning the laws of their cartoon world.

In one quick motion, the coyote twisted the key, yanked the door open, and dove inside the cage. He slammed it shut behind him in the blink of an eye, scrambling to his feet with glee.

Suddenly, a small 'click' sounded from behind him. His stomach dropped as it hit him - he'd locked the door and left the key on the outside. Genius. Wile dove for the bars, his arms shooting through the gap in a desperate attempt to grab the key-

-And, because of course it did, the key slipped right through his fingers and clattered onto the ground outside. Just out of reach, naturally.

His head darted back with worry at the Road Runner, but the idiot was still standing there with his signature smile. Wile ignored him and dropped down, scrambling desperately for the key. He wedged his arm against the bars, stretching as far as it could possibly go. And just as the cold metal brushed his fingertips-

-There was a squawk from the air, before a group of vultures from god-knows-where swooped down and snatched the key away. Wile desperately tried to shout after the damned creatures to get back here this instant. But of course, as per rule 4, Wile E. Coyote was not permitted to speak.

"Beep Beep!", Wile heard from behind him. He turned around slowly to find the Road Runner staring down in curiosity at his arched body. Wile desperately got to his feet, grasping his rope tightly.

Forget the key for now, you idiot, Wile scolded himself. Right now you just need to capture the-

The Road Runner beelined straight for the coyote, ramming headfirst into him. For a moment Wile saw stars, his head spinning wildly as he fought to stay upright. Then came a whirlwind of dust, the Road Runner snatching one end of the rope from his hand and tearing circles around him, spinning his whole body around like a top. Then, a hard yank, and the coyote's legs were swept out from under him, his head slamming hard against the ground.

When the dust finally settled, Wile slowly opened his dazed eyes and blinked to regain his senses. He looked up to find the Road Runner staring down at him with the bird's usual @#&%-eating grin.

Wile tried desperately to get up from the ground, but his legs and arms refused to budge, no matter how hard he yanked or grinded his teeth in fury. The bastard had tied him up with his own rope, leaving him with his hands and legs tied together, his mouth gagged with rope, and his fluffy butt sticking straight up in the air like some kind of trophy.

Great. Just great, the coyote thought, rage bubbling under his skin. You might just be the first E. Coyote in the entire bloodline to get captured by their own prey. Reflect on that for a little bit, why don't you.

"Beep Beep!", came the Road Runner's annoying voice. Yet again, the blue bastard had stripped one of Wile's meticulously evil plots down to just another game to play with his 'best friend'. If the coyote could growl right now, you'd better believe that every soul in Albuquerque would hear his savage snarls.

Why can't the bird just take me seriously for once! I can strike fear into the hearts of road runners, just like my forefathers! Just... w-watch... ME...

Wile E. Coyote tried desperately to inch his way towards the stupid Road Runner's head. But even with every muscle in his body screaming at him to move, the ropes that the Road Runner had tied refused to budge. The bird stooped a bit lower to the ground, bringing his head even closer to the coyote's.

Wile urgently fought to rip through the ropes at his mouth and bite the Road Runner's face off - the damn bird was right in his grasp! But as the Road Runner got closer and closer, Wile found his heart beating harder than it should have. His mouth stilled. His irises shrank, fixed on the Road Runner as the Road Runner closed the distance inch by inch. And, stupidly, Wile found himself trying to shrink back, just like he had in the bush.

Oh no, Wile stressed, sweat beading down his temple. His fur bristled, his face turning an embarrassing shade of red. Oh no, oh HECK NO, is he going to-

"BEEP BEEP!!!", the Road Runner screamed with joy, the sheer volume of it lifting the bird clean off the ground for a second.

Wile winced, his eyes screwing shut and his ears shooting straight up.

[ HAHA, THAT WAS FUN! ], the Road Runner held a sign down to his eyes, [ I SHOULD PLAY THE COYOTE ONCE IN A WHILE, AND YOU CAN BE THE ROAD RUNNER! DID YOU KNOW YOUR TAIL POOFS OUT WHEN YOU GET SCARED? ]

Haha, how funny, Wile thought with a roll of his weary eyes. You should be glad that I'm not free right now, or else I'd pluck out EVERY perfect little feather from your perfect little body! Stop. Smiling. THIS INSTANT!!!

Thankfully for the coyote, the Road Runner seemed to notice just how distressed he looked. The bird decided to take some mercy on him.

[ ARE YOU BORED OF THIS GAME? ], the Road Runner asked innocently with one of his signs, cocking his head to the side. [ IF YOU'RE BORED, WE CAN JUST TRY SOMETHING ELSE! ]

The Road Runner stood there for a bit, still smiling down at the Coyote. Wile's eyes darted to the side, desperate for anywhere else to look besides those wide, clueless pupils. Something about the Road Runner's face, especially now that Wile was tied down and utterly helpless, made him feel so... so...

The Road Runner reached down and tore the rope open with his beak. Wile pulled with all his might, and slowly, the knots binding him unravelled to the ground. He got to his feet hesitantly, rubbing at the chaffs the rope had left on his wrists. Looking down, he found the Road Runner gazing up at him, wide-eyed, feet pattering eagerly in place. The little idiot was clearly ready to 'play' something else, but the coyote had had more than enough for one day.

For what felt like the millionth time that day, Wile's stomach growled and his mouth began to water. The Road Runner was standing right in front of him, practically begging to be eaten. All he had to do was reach out and...

Wile's ears drooped, his back slouching in defeat.

There's no use any more, Wile thought, deflating. I hate to admit it, but you're in no state to be catching the blue bastard. And even if you do, by some stroke of dumb luck - you know you'd never eat him raw. Unseasoned? Uncooked? What are you, an animal??

And if you try anything, then he'll just tie you up again in an instant, and laugh at you. Or push you to the ground again, and laugh at you. A-and... laugh at you some more...

Wile gripped his own arm, desperately digging his nails in, trying not to think too hard about the power the Road Runner seemed to have over him. Or that that strange, humiliating feeling that curled in his chest every time the bird made a fool of him. His throat tightened.

"...Beep Beep?", the Road Runner asked quietly, still looking up at Wile, expectant. His beak stayed fixed in its usual smile, but his eyes, just barely, looked concerned. Unless Wile was losing his mind.

[ WHAT'S WRONG, WILE? IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT? ], the Road Runner asked with a sign.

Wile gritted his teeth furiously, his eyes drilling hateful holes into the bird's happy little face.

[ NO IT'S NOT, YOU IDIOT! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! ], Wile replied, [ NOW STOP TALKING TO ME!]

A quiet pause stretched between them as Wile tried to furiously stare the annoying bird down. The smile on the bird's beak didn't shrink one bit, if anything, it grew, right along with the next sign he held up.

[ BUT I'M NOT REALLY TALKING, WILE! I'M JUST HOLDING UP SIGNS, SEE?? ]

Wile felt his blood boil. He wanted to throw something at the cage bars, beat something up with a flurry of punches, tear something to shreds with his teeth and claws... but for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to do it to the Road Runner. Not now, not when some small, traitorous part of his brain was starting to wonder, against his will, if the bird looked kind of cute up close.

Stop that, the coyote beat himself mentally. The Road Runner isn't cute. He's TASTY. Stop feeling bad for the guy you're meant to snack on.

…He does have the most beautiful feathers of any road runner I've ever seen, though...

THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY ROAD RUNNER YOU'VE EVER SEEN, YOU FOOL! NOW STOP FALLING FOR HIS TRICKS!

[ STOP HOLDING SIGNS UP, THEN! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!!! ], Wile responded with an extremely angry and red looking sign.

The coyote turned away angrily, stomping as far as he could - about two steps and a half -  away from the Road Runner, before crouching to the ground in defeat. He hugged his own knees, burying his face into his arms.

Why - why does this always happen to me, Wile thought to himself with a quiet sniff. Why do all of my gidgets and gazmos blow up in my face? Why can't there ever be a single success in my entire life??

And why, why is the Road Runner always a thousand steps ahead of me???

Wile felt tiny tears prickle at his eyelids. He desperately tried to hold them back, but the more he fought to not cry, the more his eyes threatened to.

S-stop, he begged himself. Stop crying in front of the Road Runner. You've already embarrassed yourself more than enough for one day.

The coyote heard something slide against the floor before it nudged against his side. He gave his face a quick rub against his arms to hide the tears, then peered out just enough to see what it was. A sign, lying on the ground with it's face face pointing up:

[ IF I CAN'T HOLD SIGNS UP ANYMORE, THEN... ]

He heard something else slide across the floor before it nudged against his other side. He squinted through blurry, tear-clouded vision at the second sign.

[ ...THEN CAN I SLIDE THEM ACROSS THE ROOM? :) ]

Wile felt his heart squeeze. His throat went dry, and suddenly the tears he had been holding back began to slip free.

He shot a quick glance over his shoulder, and found the bird standing there expectantly, head cocked to the side in concern. Wile took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves, before his body did something he hadn't asked it to do - it shifted a little to the side, making just enough room for the stubborn bird.

The Road Runner took the hint, settling in beside the coyote. He folded his legs beneath him and sat down on the ground next to Wile.

A few moments passed, the Road Runner staying quieter than usual. Wile still had his face buried in his crossed arms, though his large eyes and beady nose peeked out just above them. Neither of them acknowledged the other's existence.

Then, slowly, the Road Runner leaned his head against the coyote's shoulder, wrapping his large blue tail around Wile's torso like a feathery hug. Wile froze completely, every muscle in his body locked tight. For once in his life, he had absolutely no idea what to do.

Wile had never been hugged before, and if he'd had to guess who'd be the first to change that, the Road Runner would've been nowhere on the list. It was slowly dawning on the coyote how weird all of this was, but he for some strange reason, he couldn't bring himself to pull away. Some strange force tugged insistently at him, like a magnet he wasn't aware of.

I never thought I'd hesitate if I finally got my hands on the Road Runner. I always figured I'd just eat him the second I got a chance, Wile thought quietly. But now that I've finally gotten a hold of him...

Even though his mind screamed at him not to, Wile found himself leaning his own head over the Road Runner's. Not enough to hurt the smaller bird's neck. Just a light nuzzle.

Was eating the Road Runner really what I wanted this whole time, Wile asked himself, caught off guard by the thought. I just - after all those years, all the chasing, every scheme made to catch the bastard - why am I not eating him right now?!

The Road Runner tightened his tail around the coyote, and just like that, every clouded thought in his head was squeezed out. Much to his own embarrassment, the he let out a noise resembling a squeaky toy being stepped on, his eyes bulging a bit out of their sockets.

"Beep Beep!", the Road Runner said cheerfully, rising to his two feet. He gave the coyote a soft look that almost seemed to say 'well, you feeling better now?'.

Right, Wile reminded himself. Don't go getting carried away now. You might be questioning what the hell you and the Road Runner are at the moment, but you're both still trapped in a cage.

Wile got to his feet as well, still gripping his own arm a little awkwardly. The Road Runner gave him a quick nod, and after a beat of hesitation, Wile nodded back.

[ SO WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN YOU GET STUCK IN TRAPS? ], the Road Runner held up casually, breezing past Wile's emotional moment as to not draw more attention to it.

Wouldn't you like to know, Wile thought bitterly. What, you've never gotten stuck in one of your own traps? Never had something blow up in your face? Must be nice.

[ I DO NOTHING ], Wile responded flatly, [ I'LL USUALLY JUST WAIT IT OUT, AND BY THE NEXT MORNING THE TRAP WILL DISAPPEAR AND I'LL BE BACK IN THE OPEN]

Wile knew this process better than anyone. Try, fail, fail again, fail some more. And then, by morning, everything resets itself for round two. Rinse and repeat. Even for a coyote as stubborn and desperate as him, the cycle was starting to wear him thin.

[ WHAT?! ], the Road Runner responded with an extra bold sign, [ THAT SUCKS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER THAT LOSING IN THE GAME MAKES YOU HAVE TO WAIT OUT A WHOLE DAY? ]

[ WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN DO IF I TOLD YOU THAT, HUH? ], Wile shot back, shaking his head.

[ I'D HELP YOU BACK UP WHEN EVER YOU LOSE THE GAME! SO THAT YOU CAN GET RIGHT BACK TO CHASING ME! ]

Wile felt his ears droop. It was almost outrageous how innocent the dumb bird was, but Wile decided to humour him. For what the Road Runner had done earlier.

[ WHY ARE YOU SO SURE THAT IT'S JUST A GAME?? ], Wile asked in all honesty, raising an eyebrow at the smiling bird.

[ BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS! SO WHENEVER YOU'RE CHASING ME, IT'S FOR FUN! ]

Wile grimaced. Had that really been the story running through the bird's head this entire time?

The Road Runner paused, clearly picking up on the coyote's growing discomfort.

[ WE ARE FRIENDS, RIGHT? ], the Road Runner asked, earnest as ever.

[ … YES. WE'RE FRIENDS ]

"Beep Beep!", the Road Runner said with delight. He hopped a little in the air, and Wile had to fight down the urge to smile.

[ AND YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME SOME SEEDS WHEN WE HANG OUT! SO WE'RE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS! ]

Wile's creeping smile vanished instantly. Every hair on his body shot straight up. He didn't need a mirror to know that bold, cartoonish exclamation points had probably materialized over his head at those words. He scrambled for a sign, hands fumbling in his rush to correct the record.

[ N-NO! WE ARE NOT FRIENDS WITH B-BENE ]-

Wile brought the sign down onto his outstretched knee, snapping it clean in half with sheer embarrassment. Why the #@%$ was his sign STUTTERING??

[ WE'RE NOT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS! JUST FRIENDS!! ]

Wile wasn't even sure the bird understood what those words meant, but the coyote's heart went cartoonishly haywire regardless, thumping so hard it practically leapt out of his chest. He scrambled to shove it back in with both hands, only for it to pop right back out, only now a little to the right.

GODDAMMIT-

Wile quickly stuffed one of his hands over the right side of his chest, giving his heart no where else to run. Surely that would finally make the stupid thing stop...

"Beep Beep!", the Road Runner laughed, his head peeking to the side. Wile spun his head around furiously to find that his own tail was now wagging.

[ STOP LAUGHING AT ME, YOU IDIOT! ] Wile furiously held up, his face now resembling the shade of fresh beetroot.

[ I'M LAUGHING WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE JUST FUNNY! ] the Road Runner responded without skipping a beat, that same smile plastered across his face. Wile physically had to clench his jaw shut to keep it from hitting the floor, because there it was, unmistakably, the Road Runner's tail, wagging right along with his own.

Oh, hell no, Wile panicked to himself. There is no version of reality where the Road Runner feels... whatever the heck I'm feeling right now. There's just no way.

I have to change the subject right now, before he does something even dumber!

[ ALRIGHT, MY TAIL WAGS WHEN IM ANNOYED. VERY FUNNY ], Wile lied with one of his signs, [ NOW CAN WE GET BACK TO THE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT ISSUE HERE? IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF THIS CAGE, YOU'RE STUCK IN HERE FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT! ]

At those words, the Road Runner's expression actually shifted, turning a little serious. Sitting still for hours on end? That was the last thing the blue blur would ever willingly put himself through, even if having his best friend beside him made it a little more bearable.

Wile watched as the Road Runner hopped over to the bars, scanning them closely for any gaps. The bird zipped around the enclosure a few times, scouring every inch for a way out, but it was no use. This was the most secure trap ACME had ever built, after all.

Wile did his best to help, in his own feeble way. He gripped the bars firmly and gave them everything he had. He pulled, then pushed, then twisted for good measure, but nothing worked. The metal wouldn't even budge an inch.

The coyote stepped back again, prodding a thumb at his forehead as he thought. Maybe if he had a lock-pick...

The Road Runner let out a frustrated 'beep beep!' before hammering the bar with all of his might, pecking a hundred times a second. The sound rung out sharp, his head turning into a blur of motion as he relentlessly attacked the bar.

The bird stubbornly moved on to the next with lightning speed, but the results were the exact same. He tried the next one, then the next, until he'd hammered every inch of metal in the place. The only thing that changed was that his beak had been flattened from the impact, but with a quick shake of his head it snapped back to it's original shape.

"Beep Beep!", the Road Runner said to the coyote, looking a tad bit frustrated.

[ WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS TRAP SO IMPOSSIBLE TO ESCAPE, WILE?! ]

[ BECAUSE YOU'RE THAT HARD TO CATCH, GENIUS! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?! ]

The Road Runner let out an exhausted sigh, his feathers drooping slightly. He sank slowly to the ground, his neck tilting in tired defeat. For the first time all day, he looked less like a blur of energy and more like an regular bird.

[ I'M BORED... ], the Road Runner held up dejectedly, [ ...AND HUNGRY, TOO ].

Wile crossed his arms, making a show of rolling his eyes. Of course the childish bird would start asking for entertainment less than an hour into being caged.

What, you're giving up after just an hour, Wile thought, frustration bubbling up. Pah! Try spending a whole day locked up like I'm usually forced to, then let's see how well you handle it!

Wile opened his own fur like a coat again, rummaging in its pocket. He heard a tink as his claws found what they were looking for - the last can of ACME bird seeds he had. He emptied it in his paw and held it out to the sulking bird, staring off to the side in embarrassment.

"Beep Beep!", the Road Runner chirped in thanks, immediately gobbling the seeds straight from his friend's hand. Wile felt his face go red again.

The idiot wasn't meant to eat straight out of my hand! Does the Road Runner actually not know a single thing about personal space?!

When the Road Runner finished scarfing every seed down, he gave the coyote's hand a quick lick to get all the last crumbs. Wile immediately yanked his hand back, feeling his fur stand on end and sweat begin to bead down his face. His brain, for a solid few seconds, refused to produce a coherent thought.

WHAT WAS THAT FOR!? He made to wipe his hand against his own fur, out of pure reflex, before realising what he was doing. He quickly recalculated and wiped it on the dusty ground beneath him instead.

He shot the Road Runner a glare after he was done cleaning his hand, but his malfunctioning brain was making it really hard to look angry. The coyote just looked like his mind was short-circuiting.

[ OH, SORRY! ] the Road Runner held up earnestly, [ DID YOU WANT THE REST OF THAT? I FORGOT THAT YOU MUST ALSO BE STARVING! ]

[ I DON'T EAT BIRD SEED, YOU IDIOT! I EAT ROAD RUNNERS WHO WON'T SHUT UP! ] Wile fired back furiously, silently begging his own body to sop getting flustered over the stupidest things. [ BESIDES, I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY! ]

The coyote didn't even have the time to lower the sign, before his stomach began to defiantly growl in hunger.

[ YOU SURE? ], the Road Runner asked, a teasing glint in his eye.

Wile gritted his teeth furiously.

Yes, I'm sure-

Wile's stomach growled again, louder this time. Whatever anger he'd been holding onto deflated completely.

Oh, who am I kidding, Wile thought to himself sullenly. I can't remember the last time I've had an actual good meal in my entire life. I'm not hungry, I'm FAMISHED.

The Road Runner stared for a bit at the defeated-looking coyote, trying to think of a way to cheer him up. The man looked pitiful and hollow, as if he was wilting from hunger right there on the spot.

If Wile couldn't eat bird seed, then maybe he should just...

The bird stretched out a wing while staying seated, holding it towards the coyote.

[ WHY DON'T YOU JUST EAT ME, THEN? ], the bird held up with his other wing.

 The words hit Wile like any truck, anvil, or train ever had. The coyote stopped in his tracks, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets from how surprised he was.

[ WHAT DO YOU MEAN, EAT YOU?! ] Wile jabbed furiously, waving the sign at the stubborn bird. [ YOU KNOW IT'LL HURT LIKE HELL IF I CHEW YOUR WING OFF, RIGHT?? ]

[ YAH, IT'LL HURT FOR A BIT! BUT IT'LL GROW RIGHT BACK, BECAUSE WE'RE CARTOONS! ], the Road Runner replied with his unwavering smile.

Alright, he's officially gone bonkers, the coyote thought to himself. Sure, the bird technically had a point - but who in their right mind just offers up one of their limbs to get ripped off??

Wile bit his lip in frustration as he stared at the bird. On one hand, he WAS starving so bad that his stomach felt like it was eating itself. But on the other hand...

…He just couldn't bring himself to hurt the Road Runner, as unnatural as it felt to think that. He didn't want to put the little guy through any pain, even if it was just temporary.

[ I'M NOT GOING TO EAT YOU, YOU IDIOT! ]

[ WHY? YOU SCARED OR SOMETHING? ], the Road Runner replied without missing a beat, grinning like an idiot.

The coyote felt his tail stand on end, his face turning red yet again. At this rate his cheeks might just stay that colour permanently.

[ FINE, YOU ASKED FOR IT! ], Wile snapped, more out of spite than actual hunger at this point. He plopped himself down in front of the Road Runner, determined to make the bird regret his teasing.

[ ALRIGHT!! ], the Road Runner responded, looking suspiciously thrilled for someone about to get eaten alive by his own best friend. The bird scooted in his spot with anticipation.

Wile gripped the Road Runner's wing firmly, holding it between his palms like a sandwich.

Alright. Don't overthink this, he told himself. It's just a sandwich. It's just a blue, feathery, adorable little sandwich. Come on, come on...

But despite the pep talk, Wile found his resolve wavering, looking up to meet the Road Runner's eyes with more than a little hesitation.

[ WELL? WHAT'S THE HOLD UP? ], the Road Runner held up impatiently.

[ WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?! YOU'RE JUST MAKING THIS WORSE FOR YOURSELF! ]

Wile glared down at the wing he was supposed to be eating. Normally, just the thought of a meal like this would've had him drooling on sight. But now that he actually had it in his hands, all he wanted to do was hold onto it. How was he supposed to eat such a pretty thing?

Wile looked up at the Road Runner, his jaw held tight. He found the bird still waiting daintily to have his own wing ripped of.

[ JUST... CLOSE YOUR EYES. SO THAT IT HURTS A LITTLE LESS ], Wile ordered with a trembling sign.

"Beep Beep!", the bird agreed, screwing his eyes shut without hesitation. Wile turned his attention back to the task at hand.

Stop with the overcomplicating, Wile scolded himself. It's just a wing, nothing else. You could swallow the whole thing in one bite if you really wanted to.

But that was exactly the problem - he really, truly didn't want to.

His paws wobbled as he raised the wing towards his open mouth. He's mouth disobeyed him, snapping shut before the feathers even got close. He huffed irritatingly, lowering the wing before trying again. Again, his jaw refused to cooperate, unwilling to hurt his 'friend'.

Wile felt his blood boil.

Why do you always ruin everything, Wile beat himself mentally, his eyes deciding it was the time to prickle again. You've spent your whole life wanting this! To finally eat the Road Runner! So why are you falling apart now, when the bird is practically on a silver platter?!

Wile tried one final time, but this time even his hands refused to lift the wing up. The coyote sighed to himself.

No, Wile. You never actually wanted to eat the Road Runner. That much should be obvious from your racing heart. Or the sweat going down your face right now. Or that... irritating heat between your legs.

Wile gently set the wing back in its place, feeling the magnificent feathers brush against his own undeserving fur as he returned it to its rightful owner.

What you wanted this whole time was just clouded by your obsession. You spent so long just surrendering yourself to your coyote instinct, to the stupid rules of Albuquerque. You never stopped to question what you would actually do if you caught the Road Runner.

Wile's face lifted forward, getting closer and closer to the Road Runner's face. Every breath came slower than the last, his mind slowing down as he approached his real target. His heart raised to a crescendo in his chest, but there was no use trying to stifle it now. He vision blurred slightly at the edges, his head already beginning to feel fuzzy.

What you really wanted this whole time, was just...

Wile's lips met the Road Runner's beak. It was clumsy at first, their mismatched mouths not quite lining up right, but he pressed forward anyway. He ignored the tremor in his hands by using them to pull the pesky bird closer. The coyote felt his whole body heat up with a different kind of hunger as he held his friend close.

The Road Runner, realising what was going on, opened his eyes with a start. He gave the crazy coyote a light nudge with his feet, tipping Wile onto his back. Wile blinked back into focus, dazed, and it hit him all at once, the full, horrifying weight of what he'd just done.

Oh #$%&. You just kissed the Road Runner, didn't you. You KISSED the-

The bird cut through the coyote's rapidly spiralling thoughts, planting a foot firmly over his chest and his frantically pounding heart. Wile's breath hitched, fear flooding in, and then...

...The bird leaned in, kissing Wile back with double the ferocity. The heat of this one was unimaginable, leaving the coyote helplessly trying to push the bird away, only for his hands to fall weakly at his sides. His surprised eyes began stupidly crossing in pleasure. Wile's knees quivered violently, clasping together desperately as the bird continued to assault him with his beak.

Wile tried everything in his power to return the kiss, but he could feel himself rapidly melting beneath the Road Runner's beak. So he instead closed his eyes, surrendering to the dizzying fire that spread across his body.

Then, finally, the Road Runner pulled away with a satisfied smile. If Wile could speak, he sure as hell would've let out a whine from being deprived of the bird's warmth.

They stayed like that for a moment, the Road Runner still pinning the coyote down, waiting for the idiot to say something. Wile scrambled to come up with a response - one of his signs, an explanation for what the hell he'd just done, even just a quip to get back at the blue bastard. But nothing came.

Wile just laid there, his mind still lingering over the memory of the Road Runner's warm breath, his eyes spinning cartoonishly in place.

The Road Runner was the first to break the silence.

[ SO ARE WE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS NOW? ], the bird held up with another one of his shit-eating grins.

Wile growled, trying to seem as menacing as he could when he currently looked like a complete fool.

Y-you bastard, Wile's mind stumbled. You just wait till I get back on my feet. Then I'm gonna pin your stupid little face to the ground, and I'm gonna… I-I'm gonna…

...kiss you again...

Wile tried to calm his rapidly unravelling mind, rummaging behind his back while refusing to break eye contact with the bird.

Please tell me I still have signs, the coyote begged to himself.

[ ABSOLUTELY NOT. WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, AND WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT 'WITH BENEFITS' ], Wile held up furiously, trying his best to sound convincing.

The Road Runner kept right on smiling, warm as ever, finally lifting the foot he'd used to pin the coyote down. The bird took a step back, admiring the mess he'd made. Wile pushed himself up slowly, legs feeling suspiciously like jelly, and glared at the Road Runner like absolutely nothing had happened between them.

[ YOU'RE STARING ALOT AT MY BEAK FOR SOMEONE WHO APPARENTLY DOESN'T EVEN LIKE ME ], the Road Runner held up.

[ THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR FACE LOOKS STUPID! AND I HATE IT. AND I HATE YOUR GUTS, TOO ], Wile tried, mustering the meanest scowl he could.

The Road Runner ignored Wile's feeble attempt at looking scary, instead peering over coyote's shoulder with a teasing expression.

[ WELL, YOUR WAGGING TAIL SEEMS TO DISAGREE ]

Wile grabbed his annoying tail with one hand, not turning away from the annoying bird. The coyote's expression got a bit more desperate as he held up his next sign.

[ LOOK, CAN YOU JUST FORGET THAT ALL OF THIS HAPPENED?! ], Wile tried to beg instead.

[ SURE. TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ], the Road runner responded with a sly grin.

[ ALRIGHT, GOOD. FOR YOU. ANYWAY, WE WERE TRYING TO GET OUT OF THIS DAMNED CAGE BEFORE YOU INTERRUPTED EVERYTHING WITH YOUR STUPID IDEA OF GETTING EATEN BY ME... SO THAT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT ]

Wile crossed his arms defensively, scanning the walls of the cage again. Still, the exact same as before.

[ ALRIGHT, ANY BRIGHT IDEAS NOW? ], Wile asked sarcastically, [ ON GETTING OUT, I MEAN? ]

[ DID YOU TRY OPENING THE DOOR? ], the Road Runner asked innocently.

Wile slapped his palm lightly against his own face. OF COURSE I TRIED TO OPEN THE %#&$#&$ DOOR! That's the first thing anyone in a cage tries!

[ DUH! I TRIED PUSHING IT, PULLING IT, TWISTING IT ]-

The Road Runner completely ignored Wile and sauntered over to the door. In one effortless motion, he flipped it open with his beak like it weighed nothing at all. The whole thing slid up smoothly in a single motion, garage-door style, before locked neatly into place overhead.

Wile's jaw dropped somewhere south of the floor. All that struggling... All that pushing, pulling, twisting, cursing, and not once had it occurred to him that the door might just... lift.

Wile fought the urge to bite his own tail. OF COURSE his damned luck wouldn't let the door budge for him. The only thing they'd needed this entire time was some bird with all the luck in the world on his side.

The Road Runner stepped out of the cage and back into the open air, the breeze of freedom washing over his feathers. Wile trailed close behind, silently vowing that this was the last time he'd ever buy another one of ACME's terrible products.

The Road Runner turned to the coyote, hopping happily in place, giddy with the reality of finally being free.

[ SO WHAT ARE WE DOING NOW? LAPS AROUND ALBAQUERQE? JUMPING OVER RAVINES? ANOTHER CAGE ESCAPE?? ], the bird held up excitedly.

Wile sighed in exhaustion, squinting as he rummaged behind his back.

...Where's the 'get out of my face, before I ACTUALLY eat you' sign, he thought to himself. His hand came back empty,  closing around nothing but air. Great. His limited supply of signs had finally run dry.

[ ARE YOU OUTTA SIGNS? ], the Road Runner asked quizzically.

Wile nodded, a little dejected. He hated whenever his signs ran out for the day, and he had to wait for the next before he could finally express his thoughts again. It was miserable.

[ WHY DON'T YOU JUST SPEAK WITH YOUR MOUTH, THEN? ]

Wile pinched the bridge of his snout. Of course an idiot like the Road Runner didn't know about Rule 4 of the animators' guide book. A free spirit like him was much too busy zooming around the place, being a nuisance.

Wile looked around for something to write on, before deciding to just do it in the dirt. He got down to one knee and engraved his words with a claw.

[ I CAN'T SPEAK BECAUSE OF THE RULES, ROAD RUNNER. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. IT'S JUST LIKE HOW YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN 'BEEP BEEP' ], Wile wrote, tapping the words to spell them out for the naive bird.

The Road Runner read the words, with his head cocked to the side in curiosity. He looked up at the coyote and shook his head with a smile.

[ OH NO, I JUST SAY 'BEEP BEEP' BECAUSE THAT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY NOISE I CAN PRODUCE ], the bird held up, [ BUT YOU'RE WAY MORE INTELLIGENT THAN ME, WILE. WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE TALKING A TRY? ]

Wile glared down at the innocent bird, trying to think of something to shoot back. Because...

...Because that's just how it is! Right? The rule means that I physically can't speak!

[ ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO JUST SUCCUMB TO SOME DUMB RULE?? ], the Road Runner held up, giving his friend a determined look, [ COME ON, WHAT IS THERE TOO LOSE? GIVE IT ALL YOU'VE GOT! ]

Wile gave the bird an annoyed look that needed no sign to translate.

Fine! Fine, Wile thought, throwing his hands up mentally. You just want to watch me humiliate myself, is that it? You want a show? Fine. You've got one, you bastard.

Wile steeled his nerves, clenching his paws into tight fists. His shoulders shot up as he concentrated all his power into his throat, causing him to vibrate a little in his spot.

See, Wile thought glumly, eyes still screwed shut, sweat beading down his forehead from the effort. Wile E. Coyote isn't meant to talk, and that's that-

"Ah!", Wile heard all of a sudden, causing his ears to perk up. He looked around in surprise, his knees still outstretched at the surprising sound.

Was... was that the damned Road Runner? No, that was way too deep for a bird like him - who in the world made that noise??

Wile shot the Road Runner a confused look, eyes wide with bewilderment. The bird stuck his tongue out playfully, as if to say, 'Wasn't me, Wile!'.

Wile felt his blood run cold, his tail slowly rising with something like excitement. No way. There was just no way. That sound, was that...

...Me?

[ YOU'RE DOING IT, WILE! ] , the Road Runner cheered with one of his signs, his wings fluttering happily, [ WHY DON'T YOU TRY SOME WORDS NOW? ]

Wile just stood there, dazed from the shock. The poor coyote still couldn't believe that he had a voice. Had he really never tried this before? No, surely it was just the bird's luck rubbing off on him. There was no other explanation...

Well, whatever the reason, Wile decided to try again. There was no way he'd let such an important moment slip through his fingers.

What to say, what to say, Wile fretted, cradling his chin. There's so much I've wanted to say for years now! What the hell am I even meant to pick?!

I need something casual. Something easy to say... Something I've heard a million times.

Wile's eyes drifted down to meet the Road Runner's, wide and expectant, silently urging him on.

Right. This isn't just my moment, it's the Road Runner's too. I hate to admit it, but none of this would've happened without him...

"... Beep beep?", Wile tried meekly, his voice coming out a bit raspy. It was awkward and unpractised, but there was no mistaking that it was his voice. His throat tightened with the words, leaving him feeling strangely weak yet fulfilled.

For the first time ever, the smile on the Road Runner's face vanished entirely. He just stood there, beak parted slightly, caught somewhere between shock and disbelief.

Then the smile returned, bigger and brighter than the coyote had ever seen it. It pulled Wile in without any effort, tugging a stupid smile onto his own face in return. A silent understanding passed between the two of them.

The bird seemed to sense that Wile was too tired to try any more words for now, so he decided that he would continue to encourage his friend to speak later on. For now...

[ MAN, NOW I'M ACTUALLY STARVED. YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY RIGHT? ], the Road Runner asked, [ I KNOW A GREAT SPOT FOR SOME FOOD, IF YOU WANNA COME WITH ]

Wile almost rolled his eyes teasingly, about to write 'there are no restaurants in Albuquerque, you bird brain'. He stopped himself after realising that he had doubted the bird in the same way just a moment ago, and look how that had turned out.

Wile prodded lightly at his own stomach, realising with a start that another miracle had occurred today - he didn't feel hungry anymore. Whatever that hunger was that made him chase after the Road Runner every day, that blinding, burning hunger - it seemed to have been quenched, some time during this day. He couldn't say exactly when.

...But the Wile E. Coyote would be damned if he turned down his first ever invitation from the Road Runner. Not after all the amazing things today had already given him.

Wile nodded at the Road Runner, trying again to smile. The bird's eyes shone a little brighter.

[ RACE YOU THERE? ]

You bet, you blue bastard, Wile thought, rolling his eyes fondly. And even when I lose in the race, like I always do...

...I'll still count it as a win. If it means that I'm with you.