Archive of Our Own

It was two weeks after the end of the Coyote vs. Acme trial, as the news dubbed it, when it all started. 

Well, Wile E. supposed for the Road Runner it had started much earlier, but for himself at the very least it began that first Tuesday of the month after another one of his traps had ended in disaster. 

Following the whole trial fiasco, Wile E. and Road Runner had once again begun their daily chase, and for the most part it felt the same as it had before. 

For the most part.

The issue was with his supplies. Most of his Acme products had been taken away as evidence for the case, and after a heated debate between himself and Kevin, which involved multiple notebooks used to draw diagrams and numerous explosions, Wile E. finally relented and threw out the rest of his Acme supplies, leaving his cave bare of any material to use for his chase. This meant that for the first time since beginning his pursuit of Road Runner when he was a young cub, he had to go completely off the charts when crafting his plans.

Digging pit traps without the use of a handy Acme shovel, making a snare trap simply with some spare string and a cactus, and trying to craft an explosive from scratch all had mixed results. The pit trap hasn’t been deep enough for Road Runner, who simply jumped out of the shallow hole with ease before zipping away, the snare trap had simply just not gone off, and the explosive exploded before Wile E. even had the chance to light it.

It seemed even without Acme Wile E. was still failing. In fact, he was doing even worse! Something of which he lamented to Kevin and Paige about when they had gone to lunch together a week after he had started up his chase again. 
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“Well, you’re doing something new. So of course it's going to be a bit of a learning curve at first,” Paige said, glancing at her uncle for support, though Kevin appeared not to be much paying attention as he sat hunched over a set of documents. Wile E. himself leaned over a bit and glanced down at the papers, remembering the case Kevin had described to him briefly on their walk over to the diner that was near the office. He believed that this case had the possibility of being even bigger than Coyote vs. Acme, with the lawsuit this time being against a company owned by Acme that had allegedly locked up a set of cartoon siblings in their water tower for decades. 

Paige reached over and snatched the papers out of his hand, ignoring the miffed look on Kevin’s face as she stuffed them into her bag.

“Come on, we’re at lunch! And Wile E, our friend, is trying to get our advice on something important to him.” 

Kevin sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I just don’t get what the issue is.”

Rolling his eyes Wile E. once again held up the drawings he had made outlining his situation, however, Kevin shook his head.

“No- I mean… I do understand what the problem is, but I don’t see how this changes anything. You’ve been chasing this guy for what- 77 years. And sure, maybe things right now are a bit rocky, but I'm absolutely certain that out of everyone, you are the best person to figure this situation out. Because you’re Wile E Coyote. You can do anything you set your mind to, with or without products that are susceptible to blowing up in your face.”

The earnestness in his eyes, even with the slight exasperation in his voice, stunned Wile E., and the toon sat there for a moment gazing at his lawyer friend before slowly nodding. 

“You see,” Paige said with a smile on her face, “If you just sounded like that all the time, we would have no issue winning all these cases!”

“That’s not the compliment you think it is,” Kevin said dryly as he picked up his coffee and took a sip.
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Kevin’s words had rung in Wile E.’s head ever since, and for a week after that he had a renewed sense of purpose, staying up late and waking up early to plan and build. 

However, it appeared the learning curve, as Paige called it, that he was on was a lot steeper than he thought, and it seemed like he was barely making any progress with his homemade traps. 

He had been at the end of his rope both figuratively and literally the day the…incident occurred. 

The trap that he had designed was seemingly a straightforward one, but had taken hours to prepare, completely using up the last of his rope supply. A rope tied between two cactuses across the road from each other, when crossed, would trigger a series of giant boulders, which he had spent the better part of two hours pushing up a nearby cliff, to fall onto the road, crushing the roadrunner. 

Crafting the intricate rope system and setting it up had taken all night, and Wile E.'s eyes burned from the effort to keep them open as he hid behind a rock and peeked up over the side in wait for his long-sought-after meal. 

After a bit of waiting, his eyes had begun to flutter shut, and he felt himself sway side to side as sleep tried to overtake him. He quickly slapped himself and shook his head, trying to dispel his tiredness and keep himself awake. 

Finally, he saw in the distance a stream of dust and heard the faint ‘beep-beep’ of Road Runner. 

His tiredness momentarily forgotten, Wile E. licked his lips and rubbed his hands together, tracking the speedy bird with his eyes. As Road Runner came closer to his trap, Wile E. felt his heart pound. This one was sure to work! After all those hours spent on it, he was positive of that, and when Road Runner crossed over the rope, Wile E. popped up from behind the rock to get a better view of the soon-to-be chaos. 

The trap had been triggered, and Wile E. observed in delight as the pulled rope set into action the boulders, which began to roll off the edge of the cliff. Just as he predicted, the first rock began to fall just as Road Runner was passing underneath it, and Wile E.’s eyes widened as he watched the gigantic rock fall closer and closer towards Road Runner, who looked up at the sudden shadow casted over him. 

However, to the coyote’s distress, the boulder landed not on top of Road Runner but five feet to the left of him. Road Runner kept on running, and each spot where the boulder should have hit the bird was off on its mark by a couple of feet, leaving Road Runner completely unharmed as he continued to zip along the road, pausing after the last boulder dropped to look back. 

Wile E. ran over and stared in bewilderment at his failed trap, pulling out his blueprint and hurriedly looking over it. He froze as he caught sight of his calculations, scribbled half-hazardly in the corner, and realized to his utter horror that he had forgotten to carry over a one when calculating the trajectory of the boulders.

He looked up to see Road Runner tilting his head before looking up. Wile E. scrunched his nose in confusion at what the blue bird was trying to communicate and glanced up, only to see a boulder right over his head. 

Oh right. He had forgotten about that 16th boulder.

BOOM!

No matter how many times it happened, Wile E. never quite got used to the sensation of being crushed, and as he laid there after the boulder had rolled away off of him, it took a second to recover from the shock and brief blackout he had. 

Rather than pushing him into the ground and leaving a crater in his shape, the boulder had flattened him, and Wile E. shakily put his thumb in his mouth, blowing and reinflating himself. Before he could even think about getting back up and chasing after Road Runner, who at that moment he could see from the corner of his eye, the tiredness he had felt earlier came back in a wave, and Wile E. found he could do nothing but lie there and stare at the cloudless desert sky. 

Another plan failed. 

Wile E. sighed and put an arm over his eyes, shielding them from the sun as his disappointed thoughts mixed with his sleepiness. 

He knew Kevin and Paige had confidence in him that he could push through anything, but he was reaching his limit. 

What he needed right then and there was a good nap. Maybe even a nap that lasted a couple of days. 

The warm desert sun felt like a blanket, and the ground beneath was no more uncomfortable than his lumpy, broken-down bed back at the cave, and soon Wile E. felt his mind begin to drift off.

Perhaps if he let himself sleep, for just a couple of minutes a could think of better plans to catch Road Runner...

Abruptly, however, disrupting him from his almost-nap, a gust of wind and dust blew his way, and he heard that tell-tale ‘beep-beep’, except this time it sounded much closer. 

Uncovering his eyes, Wile E. came face to face with Road Runner, whose face was only a couple of inches from his own. The bird seemed curious, the smile he normally sported not on his face as he cocked his head and peered down. 

Wile E. scowled at him and reached into his hammerspace for a sign.

[GO AWAY], he held up, which was a bit awkward to do with Road Runner so close.

At that moment he was in no mood for any gloating, or even continuing the hunt for that day. Once again frustrated with his lack of results and tired from working overnight, all the coyote wanted to do was lie there in the desert sun until the wind blew him away like a tumbleweed. 

It seemed, though, that like always, luck was not on his side, as Road Runner, rather than listening to his very simple command and running off, just glanced at the sign once before pulling out one of his own.

[WHY?]

Wile E. growled in frustration and flipped his sign over.

[JUST LEAVE ME ALONE]

At this, Road Runner stared at the coyote before looking back at the boulders he had avoided getting hit by. 

Wile E. sighed, wondering why he even expected the blue bird to understand his point so easily, and pulled out a new blank sign to try once again to convince the pesky avian to leave as he should have done by now. However, before he could even pull out a marker, Road Runner turned his eyes back down to him, and Wile E. paused under the startling, intense gaze the bird had. 

There was a gleam in his eye the coyote had never seen before, one that made his own heart pick up almost as if he was the prey being chased, which was such a ridiculous thought Wile E. shook his head and forced a scowl back on his face. 

However, the gaze didn’t let up, and soon enough the two were enthralled in a staring match of sorts so enrapturing that it took a couple of seconds for Wile E. to realize just how much closer the bird was to getting to him. 

And closer, and closer, and closer…

He had not expected Road Runner’s beak to be so warm, in fact, he hadn’t expected to ever feel it other than with his hands if he caught him or on his tongue when he ate him, but there he was, lying as Road Runner pressed his beak to the coyote’s muzzle. Wile E.'s eyes widened in shock at the action, and the sign he had been holding fell out of his grip and clattered to the ground. 

It was over in a couple of seconds, so quick that Wile E. had no time to process, which felt in line with everything else the bird ever did. Soon enough, Road Runner was a couple of feet away from him again, that familiar smile back as he gave a ‘beep-beep’ and ran back out onto the open road. 

Wile E. could only lie there for a few moments, this time in a daze rather than exhaustion, before he came back to his sense and scrambled to his feet. However, by the time he righted himself, Road Runner was long gone, with not even a trail of dust to indicate where he could be.

Maybe he could have convinced himself that it was a dream, or a hallucination. 

After all, he had been exhausted, and it had been hot outside, both of which are known to cause lapses in one’s perception of reality.

Yes, that had been the conclusion he had drawn after he had finally made his way back to the cave, stumbling over his own feet as he collapsed onto his bed, later on waking up with a clear mind, an empty stomach, and the realization that the only logical conclusion to the Road Runner’s actions was that they hadn't happened at all. 

Pressing his beak to his snout in a mock kiss? What sort of absurd thing was that!

No, no. It had to be that he worked himself too much and his brain had cooked up something strange as a result.

Of course, why he would ever dream up something like that was…

Well, that was irrelevant. The main thing was that he could move on from that strange memory and get back to his main purpose of catching Road Runner and eating him. Like how it was supposed to be.

At least, that’s how it should have gone. 

Later on that day, as the coyote sat against a canyon wall, smoking and coughing up smoke after having been electrocuted by a failed wiring trap, Road Runner had once again stopped in front of him and bent his neck down to look at him. Wile E. had scowled and shifted so he could stand back up and begin the chase once more, but was interrupted by the bird once again coming closer to him and pushing his beak against his face before drawing back and running off. 

And the day after that it happened again when the coyote had been run over by a semi-truck and laid, crumpled and disheveled on the ground. The blue bird had given him a cheerful ‘beep-beep’ before kissing him and zipping away. 

And it happened again the day after that.

And the day after that.

And the day after that.

Any thoughts of dreams or hallucinations had soon been proven untrue, especially when, after one of the…disruptions, a blue feather had floated on top of his face, a piece of physical evidence of the recent closeness that had happened between them.

Each time Wile E. couldn’t react, he remained stock still until Road Runner was far away, and even afterwards his brain felt light, like it was off in the clouds, making it difficult to think. It would only be hours later, as he laid in bed, that he would toss and turn as he thought over each and every memory. 

Why was Road Runner doing it? Was it to taunt him? To mess with him? To throw him off his game?

It was the only thing that made sense, and yet it didn’t sit right with Wile E. 

He once again thought over the last couple of days and the various startling interactions he had had with the Road Runner as he picked at his food in Kevin’s office. 

The coyote had stopped by for his now-weekly visit at Avery, Jones & Maltese, grateful to have a place to escape from his current situation. However, due to the number of cases they were now picking up from toons who wanted to sue Acme, alongside the growing Warner Siblings case, and the move that was currently taking place to a new and bigger office to accommodate the recent growth of the law firm, Kevin, Paige, and Wile E. had to settle for takeout rather than going to a restaurant as both uncle and niece sat at the desk and read over paperwork while shoveling food into their mouths.

This, normally, wouldn’t bother Wile E. too much. After all, he himself was a toon of few words. Now though, it meant that he was stuck with only his thoughts of Road Runner to occupy him, which was the exact opposite of what he had wanted. 

Thoughts of the Road Runner and his stupid grin and his stupid wide shining eyes, and his stupid beak as it got closer and closer and-

“Are you okay Wile E.?” 

The sudden interruption of his thoughts by Paige caused Wile E. to jump up in surprise, hitting his head on the ceiling and spilling his bucket chicken all over the table.

“No! Those were the psych evaluations from Dr. Otto von Scratchansniff!” Kevin cried as he hurriedly snatched the documents off the desk and tried to wipe the grease off.

“It’s okay, I already made copies of them,” Paige said, though her eyes were still on the toon who was swiping away at the stars that were circling his head.

“I’m sorry Wile E. I didn’t mean to startle you. Though what could you be thinking about that has you so deep in thought?”

Wile E. shook his head and held up a sign.

[IT’S NOTHING]

Paige looked unconvinced as she eyed the chicken strewn about the desk, which Kevin was currently cleaning up.

“You didn’t even eat your food.”

Wile E. shrugged and avoided looking the intern in the eye as he flipped over his sign.

[I’M NOT HUNGRY]

At this, Kevin paused in his cleaning and gave Wile E. an incredulous look. “You're not hungry? You? Mr. ‘Can eat two whole buckets of chicken without batting an eye’ is not hungry.”

Wile E. crossed his arms defensively and nodded his head, ignoring the panic that was building up at the unbelieving stares from his friends. 

“Let’s go over the facts,” Paige said as she pushed aside her own papers, her face taking on a serious courtroom look. “Is it true that normally you eat copious amounts of food?”

Wile E. hesitated before reluctantly nodding, getting a sense that, in the eyes of the young intern, he was on trial.

“And is it true that you have eaten nothing before arriving here today? Meaning a disruption in appetite, meaning- something had to be the cause of disrupting that appetite, paired alongside your startled reaction to my mild question all pointing towards the conclusion that-”

“-Paige, we're not in court here,” Kevin interrupted as he dumped the last of the chicken into the trashcan, giving his niece a look. “You can just ask him what’s wrong.”

Paige deflated, the seriousness leaving her face as she smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I guess I got a bit carried away. I’ve been in court so often nowadays it’s hard to switch out of lawyer mode sometimes.”

Kevin shook his head, though telling by the smile on his face he was more amused than anything else, and Wile E. let himself relax as the focus was briefly brought off of him. However, the gratefulness the coyote felt at the man for interrupting Paige’s questioning died a quick and painful death as the lawyer turned his eyes onto the toon, causing him to gulp and slump down in his seat. 

“But seriously Wile E., is something going on? Just because we're a bit busy doesn’t mean we're not here for you,” Kevin said, frowning in concern as he gazed down at Wile E., who by now was literally sinking into his cushioned chair. 

“Yeah, after all, we’re your friends, and that means we tell each other what’s on our mind,” Paige said, her gentle smile being the last thing he saw before the chair consumed him completely. 

He stayed there in the darkness for a moment, contemplating whether or not to tell them about his confusing thoughts before eventually sighing and climbing back up out of the chair, plopping back down in his seat. 

Wile E. has never had friends before, unless you count the Road- 

…Well, at the very least, he’s never had friends like them before, and Wile E. supposed their outsider perspective could offer a helpful insight. Though the thought of trying to write it out made his guts strangely twist up, so instead he quickly grabbed some of the papers that were on the table and pulled out a pair of scissors, cutting out the shapes of himself, Road Runner, and a couple of circles. 

“Do you really not know the meaning of important legal documents?” Kevin said in exasperation, though he only rolled his eyes, his expression one of curiosity as he looked questioningly at what the toon was doing. 

Both he and Paige watched as Wile E. acted out the boulders falling down and missing the Road Runner, only for one to fall onto the coyote, leaving him on the ground. Hesitating at this part and feeling his face grow warm, Wile E. brought over the figure of Road Runner and pressed it into his own. 

Paige gasped, eyes widening with realization, but Kevin only looked confused as he glanced back and forth between the paper models and his niece.

“So you guys headbutted, and that’s what made you so upset? You get injured all the time.”

Paige shook her head and gave her uncle an exasperated huff. “No! Obviously they kiss-”

Before she could even finish her sentence, Wile E. had hopped out of his chair and covered her mouth, looking out through the windows of the office to see if anyone was paying attention to them. Though through the chaos of multiple toons being in the cramped waiting room upfront with employees trying to hurriedly attend to them and file paperwork, no one appeared to care about what was happening in the office at the moment. 

It finally seemed to click in Kevin’s brain what Wile E. had meant as he let out a laugh, quickly stifling it when the coyote turned to give him a glare.

“Sorry, I just-,” Kevin gave a chuckle and shook his head as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “I just think it’s funny how a couple of weeks ago you swore this guy was your archenemy, and now look at you! You’re red in the face!”

Wile E. pulled out a mirror to see that it was true, his face was red from ears to chin, and he hurriedly wiped it off, glaring at his own reflection for making his feelings so obvious. 

“So are you two a thing now?” Paige asked, and Wile E. quickly shook his head as he pulled up another sign.

[I DON’T KNOW WHY]

“Why he kissed you?” Paige said, and Wile E. nodded.

The intern looked at the sign in thought before pulling up her phone.

“But was that the only time he did it?” Kevin asked, and Wile E. turned his attention to him, 

“Because if it was, it could have been an accident. He could have tripped and fell onto your, um, snout by mistake.”

Wile E. shook his head and held up five fingers.

“He kissed you five times?” Kevin asked in shock, and though Wile E. cringed at the use of the word kiss, he nodded. 

“Ah-ha! I thought so!” Paige said suddenly, causing the two to glance towards her.

She glanced up from her phone with a bright smile on her face, turning her phone around so that they could see. “Here, look!”

Wile E. squinted at the bright screen, seeing that it was an article on roadrunners. The section that Paige was having them look at was on roadrunner mate selection, and as Wile E. read, he felt his cartoon heart sink into his feet.

“So roadrunners court each other by chasing and play fighting…” Kevin said slowly as he read the article, and Paige nodded enthusiastically. 

“Exactly!”

“...which is what Wile E. and the Road Runner have been doing for 77 years.” 

Paige set her phone down and pointed at the paper version of Road Runner. “So he must have thought Wile E. was courting him the entire time.” 

It was all too much. Wile E. banged his head down on the table, pulling at his ears as the information he just learned washed over him. 

The Road Runner thought he was his mate.

The Road Runner thought he was his mate.

And who knows for how long! 

Of course, Wile E. had always suspected that Road Runner thought of their chases as a game rather than a hunt, but he had at first chalked that up to Road Runner turning his beak down on him and not taking him seriously. After the bird had shown up to the trial, Wile E. then thought the Road Runner simply thought they were two friends having fun together. 

But apparently Wile E. had been completely off the mark, and now he was left with all of…this.

[WHY?] the coyote held up as he tried to get his bearings.

“Oh!” Paige said as she looked down at her screen again, “Well it says here that through the act of chasing, roadrunners-”

Wile E. sat back up and shook his head, flipping his sign over: [WHY NOW?] 

He pointed at the paper Road Runner.

Why kiss him now? Why not anytime in the past decades they’ve spent with one another? Why muddle his brain and make him confused now?

Kevin gave a whistle. “I think that’s something that you need to talk to him about, especially if you want to set the record straight about how you’re not courting him.”

At that, Wile E. paused, and Kevin gave him a look. “You do want to let him know that wasn’t your intention, right?”

That…was supposed to be what he wanted, wasn’t it? After all, the idea of a roadrunner and a coyote being together was absolutely ridiculous. But now that he knew what was actually going on behind the Road Runner’s actions, why was he feeling a bit hesitant to stop it?

Mistaking his hesitation for plotting, Kevin shook his head. “Wile E., you can’t use his feelings to spring a trap on him, that’s too far, even for you.”

However, Paige had a contemplative expression on her face as she looked at Wile E.

“How about you write him a message that explains what’s going on and give it to him,” She said after a beat.

Kevin shook his head. "Remember when we tried giving him the court summons. There's no way he’s going to stop for a letter.”

“I’m sure Wile E. will figure it out,” Paige said, giving the coyote a smile which seemed to hold something else in it. 

Though he felt the hesitancy about telling Road Runner his true intentions sit at the bottom of his stomach like a wad of old gum, Wile E. nodded at Paige, slipping out of his seat as he thought over different ways he might communicate a message with Road Runner. It was only inevitable that whatever courtship the Road Runner thought they might have would have to end.

Right?

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“You know with his luck he’s never going to get that message to him right?” Kevin asked as he cleaned up the scraps of paper Wile E. had littered all over the floor, grateful that at the very least this meeting didn’t end in something exploding. 

“I know,” Paige said cheerfully as she straightened up a stack of papers, “I just figured it would give him enough time to realize what he’s actually feeling.”

The look on his niece’s face was one Kevin had seen numerous times before, typically in a courtroom from the winning legal team, and he shook his head. 

She was going to be a fantastic lawyer someday.

Bright and early the next day, Wile E. sat, perched up high on a cliff as he held binoculars in his hand and searched the desert for any sign of the speedy blue bird. The long walk back to his cave from the city had given the coyote plenty of time to think over communication plans, and in the end he decided to put the chase on hold until this new mission was completed. 

By his feet was a sign which was painted on [WE ARE NOT MATES] with a rope tied to the end. 

The plan was simple and should hopefully not take long. What he would do was, once he saw Road Runner coming along the road, he would use the rope to lower the sign, the bird would read it, and any thoughts of mates or courting would be out of everyone’s mind forever. Going over the plan once more in his head and nodding, Wile E. was relieved to spot Road Runner out in the distance, coming right on time, and Wile E. began lowering the rope. 

However, right when the sign was lowered and Road Runner was entering reading distance of it, Wile E. heard a crack and whipped around to see the end of the cliff on which he was standing begin to crumble. He tried scrambling away from the edge but was too slow, and soon felt himself falling before landing with a loud thud on the ground, embedding himself into the road. 

Just as Road Runner ran up and looked down at him, he felt something poke at his back. He soon realized it was the sign he had made, completely hidden from view under his body as the Road Runner leaned down, gave him a kiss, and rocketed back off. 

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The next plan was (admittedly) a bit hastily put together. 

Wile E. wiped the sweat off his brow as he looked at the big bold letters he had just carved into the ground. 

NOT COURTING it spelled, and he nodded in satisfaction at his work.

Hearing a ‘beep-beep,’ Wile E. hurriedly dropped some birdseed in front of the message and raced to hide behind a nearby wall of rock. All Road Runner had to do now was eat the food, then look up at the message. Then hopefully after that they could get back to doing their chase normally. 

Peering out, he watched as Road Runner stopped in front of the birdseed, and to the coyote’s frustration, did not look up once as he pecked away at the food. 

Just as the bird was finishing the pile and the coyote's eye widened in suspense, thunder sounded from overhead, and it began to rain.

Road Runner beeped once in alarm and then zoomed off again, not once glancing at the message the coyote wrote. 

Wile E. hurriedly ran out, wondering if he could still use the note later on, only to see that his words had been washed away by the rain. 

He let out a yell of frustration and wondered how his luck could be so abysmal.

As if to prove his point, shortly afterwards he got struck by lightning.

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A makeshift slingshot with a message in a bottle led to two black eyes and somehow his fur catching on fire. 

A message banged out in Morse code against the canyon wall led to an avalanche that, of course, only landed on top of him.

A drawing of them holding hands with an X over it, which he tried to paint on a rocky wall, ended up angering the bats, which apparently live in the wall, and he was chased off before he could even fully begin the plan.

And to make matters worse, at the end, most of those excursions had Road Runner in the end, giving him a kiss before scampering away, fully muddling up his brain. 

What was really getting to the coyote, and becoming more and more of a pressing issue as each day passed on, was that he was beginning to get used to the misplaced displays of physical affection. 

Now, each time Road Runner leaned in close to him, Wile E. could feel his heart in his throat and the blood rushing in his ears like it did during a good chase, and he almost felt…excited for the inevitable closeness of the bird, at the feeling of his breath on his fur and his startling bright eyes focused entirely on him…

Which was why he had to nip the situation in the bud as soon as possible. If he was growing used to it, that meant he was growing weak. And if he was even beginning to enjoy it, well then…

He didn’t quite know what that meant, but it couldn’t be anything good. 

So with his brain at the moment sorely lacking in terms of objectivity and not being overwrought by strange feelings, Wile E. decided once again to hitch a ride on the train and make his way to Avery, Jones & Maltese’s for advice on what to do. 

Which he would be getting as soon as Kevin got out of his meeting…

Wile E. looked up at the clock and groaned in frustration before once again throwing his tennis ball against the wall of Kevin’s new office, which just a couple of days ago the lawyer had officially moved into. In contrast to his last office, this one was twice the size, with a fancy long wooden desk and a plasma TV hanging on the wall, all of which the law firm could now afford due to the recent success of the new lawsuits against Acme they had taken on. However, in line with the past office, and despite having only just recently moved, the space was a mess, with stacks upon stacks of files covering the desk, and the floor of the space being littered with papers.

He was currently alone in the room, waiting for Kevin to be finished with his last meeting of the day with a new client who appeared to be, when Wile E. had taken a peek through the windows of the meeting room they had been in, two small white laboratory mice. 

Dottie had told Wile E. it shouldn’t take any longer than 30 minutes, but by the looks of the clock on the wall it had been over an hour, and Wile E. began to wonder if he should just cut his losses and head on back to his cave. After all, for decades he had been a solitary creature, and waiting around like an idiot for someone else to give him advice was making him antsier by the minute. 

Just as he put his ball away and hopped up out of the seat to take his leave, he heard the door open and turned to see a disheveled Kevin give him an apologetic grin as he strode into the room.

“Sorry for the wait, my clients were a bit, um- rambunctious in telling me what they were going to do if they won the case,” the lawyer said, running a hand through his hair. “Let’s just say that I won’t be too surprised if I see on the news that some rodents tried to mind control the president to give them full control of the United States.”

Wile E. rolled his eyes at the apology but felt his previous anxieties faded a bit as he plopped back down in his chair.

“Not to say I don’t appreciate the company, but don’t you normally come on Sundays?” Kevin asked as he made his way to his desk and sat down. “You’re a couple days early, and I’m guessing it’s not just because you missed us so much.”

Wile E. shrugged, feeling once again that embarrassment at discussing the topic rise up in him, and then the anger following that at feeling embarrassed over anything having to do with the Road Runner to begin with. 

Kevin looked him up and down. “Let me guess, this has to do with trying to get the message to Road Runner, right?”

The coyote nodded, throwing his arms up in the air in exasperation to show his dismay over the entire situation, clasping his hands together in a silent plea to the lawyer for advice. 

The man grimaced in sympathetic understanding, tapping the desk in thought before asking, “What have you tried so far?”

Wile E. nodded with enthusiasm, happy to finally be receiving some advice on the matter, and reached for the papers on the desk to map out what happened, though he was stopped short by Kevin blocking his hand.

“Yeah no. You see, I knew this would probably happen again, so I bought a notebook so that we don’t have to use, mind you, very important legal documents for your explanations .”

Reaching into a desk drawer, Kevin pulled out a yellow notepad, which Wile E. quickly snatched out of his hands and made quick work of cutting up.

Kevin shook his head. “I don’t get it. You can pull scissors out of thin air, but somehow you don’t have a single scrap of paper on you.”

Ignoring this, the coyote finished up his cuttings and soon was out of his chair, showcasing the numerous plans he had concocted throughout the week, ending with his most recent one, with the bats all swarming around his poor paper model, which Kevin raised an eyebrow at.

After he was done, he dropped back into his seat, huffing a bit from the excursion, and gestured for the man in front of him to speak. 

Kevin was silent for a moment. “Can cartoons… get rabies?”

Wile E. glowered at him, and Kevin held up his hands in mock surrender. “Sorry. The bat thing just caught me off guard.”

The lawyer’s expression turned a bit more serious as he brought his hands back down in front of him and folded them onto the table. “But I do have to wonder, why do all of this elaborate stuff? Why not write him a letter, hand it to him, and be done with it?” He picked up the paper coyote and inspected it. “Maybe it won’t be so easy to get the Road Runner to stop so you can give the note to him, but it has to be simpler than all of this.”

At that, Wile E. froze, his hand hanging mid-air from the movement he made to take the paper figurine away from Kevin. 

‘Why not just write him a letter, hand it to him, and be done with it?’

‘Why not just write him a letter and be done with it?’

‘Why not just be done with it?’

Looking back on it now, what Kevin said did hold merit. Even his simplest of plans involved time to prep and play out, all ending in disaster. He was making no progress with communicating with Road Runner, and given his luck, he should have expected something like this to happen in the first place…

…Had he known this was going to happen?

Why had he gone through such roundabout ways to let Road Runner know that he didn’t feel the same way as the bird did for him? Why, with every plan he made, did he feel some sort of dread at the thought that it might succeed and proceeded to make them all more and more complicated? 

What did being done with it even mean? Did it mean he would go back to looking at Road Runner from a distance, the newfound closeness they had fading to a vague memory? Or that Road Runner would become upset with him altogether and run off completely? The thought of which filled him with such fear that he gripped the edge of his seat to prevent himself from shaking. 

Kevin's expression was unreadable as he leaned back in his chair, and Wile E. tensed at what the lawyer might be thinking about the coyote’s lack of an answer before the man sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“Guess I owe Paige and Sal ten bucks, I honestly thought it would take another week.”

Wile E. gaped at the knowing smile on Kevin’s face and quickly asked, [WHAT?]

The man shrugged, “I can tell by the look on your face that you may be realizing that this whole courting thing isn't so bad after all. I mean, all I did was make a suggestion to end things quickly and now you looked like a kick puppy.”

Wile E. continued to balk at the man, under the implication that not only was Kevin thinking that he held some sort of feelings for the bird but apparently other people in the office were thinking the same thing as well.

Upon realizing this, a scowl formed on the coyote’s face, and he got out of his seat, stomping towards the door. It was obvious now that going to the office had been a big mistake. What did any of these humans know about how coyotes and roadrunners work? Because if they knew anything, then they would know that coyotes and roadrunners DO NOT MATE! Because roadrunners were meals for coyotes, because this was supposed to be a chase, not some sappy love story, and because- because well… well, it just didn’t happen!

And if he was going to come to them for advice only to have them play games with his life, he might as well just head on back to the desert and play the game he’s already been playing for years. No matter if he was confused about where the Road Runner stood in his life.

Just as he reached the door handle, however, Kevin shouted, “Wait!” and Wile E. felt a hand on his shoulder. 

Wile E. paused in his movements and shot the man a glare.

“I’m sorry. I thought…well I thought I knew what you were thinking, and I guess I was a little off the mark. Paige is better at communicating all this stuff, but she’s visiting her mom right now, so you- you know. You just got me,” Kevin said, and Wile E. crossed his arms, tapping his foot to show his clear impatience at the lawyer's rambling sentences, causing the man to speed up. “But! What I do know is that you’re being stubborn about this, just like you always are. Which, not to say, isn’t a trait that I can’t appreciate, but right now it’s doing you more harm than good.”

At that, Wile E. huffed, and Kevin sighed, “Look, I won’t try to claim I know what’s going on through your head- but will you at least promise me to think over one thing on your way back?”

Wile E. stared up at him in suspicion, and Kevin tacked on, “I really think it would help things make sense.”

The coyote looked at his human friend for a couple more seconds before letting out a puff of air and reluctantly nodding. If Wile E. truly needed anything right now, it was for things to make sense.

“What you need to think about,” Kevin said, reaching around Wile E. and opening the door for him before looking him in the eye, “Is the question I asked you weeks ago that you were never able to answer. What is it about the Road Runner that makes him so special to you?"

Wile E. could still recall in clear detail the shame and misery that had crept into his body as Foghorn Leghorn loudly declared no one cared for him at that trial all those weeks ago. In reality, it had all happened pretty recently, but to the coyote it seemed almost like ages since he sat in that surprisingly uncomfortable courtroom chair with everyone’s eyes boring into him, expressions one of either pity or disgust.

In that moment, the coyote was certain that what Foghorn was saying was true. Other than his lawyers, who, at the time, he felt were simply obligated to be there, there was no one else to stand by his side. No one else to care if he was in pain, if he starved, if he died. 

And just as he allowed himself to sink into that feeling of loneliness and isolation, a shock of blue appeared before him, and just as it had been when Wile E. set eyes on him all those years ago, every other thought in his mind went out of his mind and towards his stomach. However, the glee he felt at finally being able to go through with his plan, with the trap he had set up the night before when he had snuck into the court building, was nothing compared to the astonishment at hearing that the Road Runner had been privy to his pain and suffering. 

Wile E. had always thought he spent all those 77 years alone, chasing a dream as everyone else turned their backs on him and called him crazy. It had never occurred to him that those years meant anything to anyone but himself, but as the court reporter read out loud Road Runner’s question about whether he was returning home, and as Road Runner himself gazed at him with such hope, Wile E. realized for the first time that he had never been alone. That he always had Road Runner with him, looking back with a grin or peering over him with a questioning look or sticking his tongue out at him before running away. 

And though it had been easy to ignore all of that when he initially first came back, to be caught up again in the chase and the familiarity of it all, it felt like, especially with all that had happened the past two weeks, Wile E. couldn’t ignore the hot feelings that were bubbling up inside of him. 

‘What is it about the Road Runner that makes him so special to you?’

Wile E. had written the question on one of the sheets he normally used for his blueprints and pinned it up on the wall of the cave. He looked over it as he sat at his work table, his head leaning on one of his hands while the other tapped out a random rhythm onto the table.

Even after keeping his promise to Kevin and thinking over the question in the time it took him to get to the cave and for the hours afterwards, Wile E. still felt as if his answer was the same as it was the first time he was asked the question. 

There were simply no words to describe why Road Runner was special. At least no answer that was so simple and direct. 

Road Runner was what got him out of bed every day, what filled his blood with passion and pushed his feet to go faster and faster as he chased after time. 

But would it be the same if it was a different roadrunner? After all, like his father used to say, prey was prey. Would he feel the same rush in his heart as he chased after a roadrunner who didn’t tease and stick out his tongue at him? Would it feel fulfilling to gain even just one feather off the head of a roadrunner who was so easily caught? Would he feel somehow not alone if he spent all his time in pursuit of a bird who didn’t stop to talk to him through signs and simply just sped on by, uncaring of the predator that was chasing after him?

Would it be the same?

…No, it wouldn’t be. Even just the idea of it made Wile E. shiver. The idea of spending 77 years in pursuit of prey who paid him no mind or who were killed before they even had a proper place in his brain. 

But even with all that! Even if he were to admit that perhaps the relationship between him and Road Runner was special, that his feelings toward the bird could mean something more, it couldn't override the simple fact that roadrunners and coyotes couldn't be mates. 

Even saying that they could be friends was stretching past all of what Wile E. had ever known, all he was ever taught by his father. 

Wile E. sighed and sat up, pulling out the two feathers Road Runner had left him and feeling the softness of them as he ran them over his fingers. 

He paused for a second before bringing the feathers up to his mouth and pressing them against it, holding them there as he thought of how it would feel if there was a living, breathing blue bird in place of the feathers touching his mouth.

There really was no winning this? Was there?

The letter was tucked safely away as Wile E. stood out on the desert road, staring straight down the path where he knew Road Runner was most likely to come barreling through, keeping an eye out for the bird and for any trucks that were liable to hit him. 

He had drafted, written, and rewritten the current letter he had numerous times after finally putting the feathers away last night. After coming to the conclusion that no matter what either of them felt, if Wile E. didn’t clear the air sooner rather than later, it was going to end in disaster. 

Or, well, a bigger disaster than it already normally was in their day-to-day lives. 

It felt strange being out in the open, not moving, and Wile E. had the inexplicable feeling that he was acting as bait of sorts as he stood underneath the blazing afternoon sun. 

But still, even when his fur grew hot and sweaty from the heat and his feet hurt from the boiling asphalt he stood on, Wile E. refused to back down and waited until, as it always was, he heard the telltale beeps of Road Runner and saw in the distance a puff of smoke moving along the road. 

Wile E. could feel the ground beneath him shake at the speed of the blue bird, and a wave of fondness crept up his throat, which he quickly forced down. 

He took out the letter and clutched it tightly in his grip, taking a deep breath as Road Runner came closer to him. There was, of course, always a chance that Road Runner would simply just run him over and keep on going, but given everything that had developed between the two in the past couple of weeks, he doubted that would happen. 

Just as Road Runner neared, Wile E. closed his eyes and steeled himself, thrusting the hand that was holding the letter out and preparing to hand it over to Road Runner and ending the weird courtship he had unknowingly stumbled into once and for all.  

However, when he felt a sudden gust of wind and opened his eyes to see Road Runner standing before him, looking all around for a sign of a trap that wasn’t there, Wile E. felt his breath leave him and his eyes widened. 

It was the first time he had seen Road Runner after coming to terms with the fact that he might have reciprocal feelings for the blue avian, and any doubts about the legitimacy of those feelings drained out of him as he caught sight of the bird before him. 

Blue and striking, with eyes that seemed too intelligent for the type of creature he was, and feathers that somehow stayed smooth and shiny despite his hours running in the desert every day. 

And…and beautiful.

His hand fell back to his side, and when it seemed to become clear to the Road Runner that Wile E. had prepared no trick for him that time, and he looked at the coyote in confusion, Wile E. held his gaze, stuck by the force of the bird and the emotions he held for him. 

Was this love? To feel awestruck by a single being and unable to do anything else but follow them for the rest of your days. To feel your heart thump at the sight of them and feel somehow whole when they were near, when moments prior you hadn’t even realized how empty you felt. 

The longer Wile E. stared at Road Runner, the more confused he appeared to be, and soon enough the bird took one step, then two towards the coyote before Wile E. finally pulled up a sign. 

[WHY?]

Road Runner cocked his head before pulling out his own sign.

[WHY WHAT?]

Wile E. clenched the letter in his hands. 

He would give it to Road Runner. 

Of course he would. 

He had to!

He just also had to know…

[WHY DID YOU GO?]

Road Runner blinked.

[GO WHERE?]

[THE COURTROOM]

At that, Road Runner froze, a sight Wile E. had never seen before, as every feather on the bird's body appeared to still, and for once, the unstoppable figure was caught under the force of the question. 

Road Runner slowly raised up another sign, blocking the sight of his face as he flipped it over.

[I MISSED YOU]

Now it was Wile E.’s turn to freeze, under the earnestness of the statement, only snapping out of it when he realized that Road Runner’s face was still hidden behind the message. 

Wile E. realized suddenly with no small amount of shock that Road Runner was embarrassed, and it occurred to him for the first time that perhaps he wasn’t the only one for whom all of this was strange for, which caused him to feel much relief after many weeks of uncertainty.

He pushed past those feelings, however, and took a couple of steps forward towards Road Runner, gently moving the sign out of the way of the bird's face, which blinked up at him with a bashful expression.

[BUY WHY ME?] Wile E. asked, shaking the sign to emphasize the question.

Whatever embarrassment Road Runner had previously felt appeared to fade as the bird straightened up and regarded the question. 

The bird tilted his head left and right, appearing to be in thought as he contemplated the board in front of him. 

Wile E. stood stock still as the bird didn’t answer, and dread began to creep up in the coyote over the thought that Road Runner was realizing there in fact wasn’t any reason to miss him.

Road Runner eventually pulled up a blank sign and shrugged, a smile on his face, as he then turned the sign over.

[IT WOULDN’T BE THE SAME]

Wile E.’s eyes widened as Road Runner beeped happily at him.

Better than anyone else, Wile E. understood what the other toon meant: ‘There are no words to explain what you mean to me, but I know life wouldn’t be the same without you’

He felt a smile grow and his face heat up, and he barely even registered the thought that he shouldn’t be as happy as he was about Road Runner’s answer as he was over the sound of his own heart pounding in his chest.

For whatever reason- luck, fate, toon logic, both he and the Road Runner had been drawn together to participate in this game of chase that left them both satisfied even if there was no clear winner. And quite suddenly, then and there, Wile E. felt like he wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

[IS THAT FOR ME?] Road Runner asked, and for a moment Wile E. was confused until he followed the blue bird’s gaze to the letter he was still holding in his hand.

Remembering for the first time just where he was and what his goal had previously been, the coyote’s smile dropped.

Emotions and thoughts roiled over within him, all arguing over what he should do, and he looked back up at Road Runner, whose gaze was on him, waiting for him to make the next move. 

Being once again under the intense stare of Road Runner and feeling nothing but a thrill of excitement at the sight, something within Wile E. snapped, and so impulsively that it even surprised himself, Wile E. stuffed the letter in his mouth, chewed and swallowed it, causing Road Runner to beep in confusion.

Afterwards, Wile E. looked dumbfounded at his hand for a moment before taking a deep breath and setting his sights on Road Runner, whose eyes were going back and forth between the hand that just held the letter and Wile E.’s face as he tried to puzzle out what just happened. 

The coyote knew that what he did next would change everything, at least for himself, and was perhaps, truly, the stupidest thing he had ever done. However, he found that for the first time in his life, he didn’t quite care about being stupid, as he took the final step towards Road Runner, grabbed him on both sides of his feather face with eyes that were slowly going wide, and kissed him. 

Wile E. could feel the surprised beep against his mouth, which sent a shock of lightning down his spinal cord, though definitely more pleasant than the ones he was normally hit with. Road Runner was warm under his touch, which felt comfortable with the breeze that blew along the road at that moment. 

This kiss had been unlike the previous ones. Although Wile E. could now admit that he had enjoyed the past times Road Runner had kissed him, they had always lasted no more than a couple of seconds, with the bird being the only one to do the actual kissing. 

Now, however, after a second of Wile E. initiating the kiss, Road Runner sighed and pushed back against him, and Wile E., strangely enough, felt his heart rate slow down, as if this was what he had been meant to do all along. 

It was only when he felt himself begin to run out of air and his head began to swell cartoonishly that Wile E. pulled back, what he was sure was a dopey, idiotic grin on his face, as he looked over Road Runner, who was also smiling widely at him. 

They stayed there for a moment, with Wile E.’s hands still on either side of Road Runner’s face, basking in the joy of being near one another, when Road Runner’s grin slipped a bit, and he pulled out another sign.

[CHASE?]

Wile E. blinked at the sudden question, the chase had almost slipped his mind, and for a moment the coyote felt afraid that perhaps what Road Runner meant was that he wanted to put an end to their chase. 

However, studying the bird’s face, he saw that the look wasn’t one of apprehension but anticipation, and Wile E. realized for the third time that day that perhaps he and Road Runner were more in sync with each other’s wants than he had previously thought. 

They both loved the chase, even if it never had a definite end.

Grinning at his new mate and taking a step back, Wile E. rubbed his hands together, which was a clear sign of his shared excitement. 

Road Runner hopped with joy, circling a couple of laps around Wile E. before planting a kiss on the coyote’s cheek and running off, leaving a trail of dust behind him. 

Honestly, Wile E. had no idea what any of this meant. He supposed that for the Road Runner they had been courting this entire time, while for himself he was only beginning to process the love he felt for the bird.

It had been unheard of before this for a coyote and a roadrunner to be mates and he couldn't imagine how any others of their species would react to seeing them both together.

But then again, it was also unheard of for a coyote to take a big corporation to court, and for a roadrunner to testify in said court. So Wile E. supposed they both already had experience in dabbling in the unheard of. 

But pushing aside that, he still had no a clue what it would be like for them in the future when he did eventually catch the bird, as though they were now officially mates the chase between the two was far from over.

But as Wile E. zoomed after Road Runner, his Road Runner, he figured that would be a problem for another day. 

Maybe tomorrow.