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Well, this mission had not gone completely wrong yet. There was just a catastrophe (as 1.0 assured me) "ominously looming on the horizon.” I do not believe that is much better. We were performing an espionage operation, and 1.0 and I were Perihelion's only crew on a "cargo run."
Perihelion used to do this sort of mission on its own, but this particular station had always been better protected against incursions from Perihelion, or any of its fellows. This station had the same sort of separated feed zones as the torus where we had retrieved Dr. Mensah’s family had, so when the ships tried hacking from the docks, they could not get into the necessary systems. PSUMNT needed someone physically inside the corporate borders in order to access the feed for the corporation we were trying to break. Previous human crews had been unable to sneak into the necessary zones. Hence, 1.0 and me being called in to “provide security” for a "cargo run."
We had been walking through quite a bit of this station, and had finally reached the border for the corporation we were looking for. Unfortunately, there were blockades along any actual access points. The previous human crews had noted this problem in their mission reports.
1.0 and I were hurrying down corridors, while trying to look inconspicuous. I still find pretending to be an augmented human difficult, but 1.0 has not complained about my performance yet, so I am sure it is fine.
As we walked, we were moving farther and farther out of the main populated areas. We eventually made it into maintenance tunnels that looked like they had been vacant of corporate activity for some time. There did seem to be some humans inhabiting the tunnels, but we stayed out of their way, and they stayed out of ours.
1.0 noticed a small gap in the tunnels that seemed to open up on the other side. I could not tell if it actually went where we were trying to go, but so far, any real access points were heavily guarded. 1.0 and I could probably handle the situation just fine, but we were trying to avoid detection. Crashing through the barrier and exposing ourselves as SecUnits would make extraction far more difficult, and seemed to be the first step in a failure scenario.
I was not sure why 1.0 had stopped at this gap and seemed unusually interested in it.
What are you doing? I asked.
I’m thinking this might be our access point.
That seemed highly unlikely, and I responded with a couple of SecUnit codes that roughly translated to the following.
SecUnit 1.0: Current Configuration < Gap: Negative.
SecUnit 03: Current Configuration < Gap: Negative.
Then 1.0’s torso collapsed.
It is possible that I panicked.
I sent several urgent error codes into our private feed.
Would you stop screaming?! Shut up!
No. No, I would not! Not when it had just spontaneously collapsed! I sent a variety of codes demanding diagnostics, demanding to extract 1.0 from the station, demanding to swap priority for the rest of the mission so that I could get it out safely!
I assure you that these were all perfectly reasonable reactions.
It had just CRUSHED ITSELF!
I’m fine! What the fuck is wrong with you?!
What was wrong with me?!
I sent 1.0 an image of its collapsed rib cage and torso from my eyes.
Yes. I’m fine. Aside from dealing with whatever your problem is!
What?! What?! MY PROBLEM?! Its TORSO had FLATTENED! I sent another image of its collapsed rib cage, this time flagged for priority review. It batted it away.
1.0 can be infuriating at times.
It’s fine. Collapse your rib cage, go through the gap, pop it back out.
What…?
No… Absolutely not.
What…?
I did not know how to respond to that, so I sent another code.
SecUnit03: “Collapse Rib Cage” Functionality=Negative.
1.0 seemed very confused. Still standing there looking like a hauler bot had crushed its torso flat. It was extremely disconcerting.
I sent it a code asking if its higher functions had suffered a catastrophic failure.
It sent the same code back.
If you don’t want to, I can go alone.
I cannot do that. I cannot imagine why any company would design a SecUnit to be able to do that! That was an absolutely absurd function.
There is no WANT involved. Why can you collapse yourself?!
...Storage?
This was not a helpful response. I still had no idea why it could collapse! I felt like I had stepped into one of 1.0’s weirder serials where the characters are in other dimensions where things are just not quite right.
I did not like those serials. Life around 1.0, Perihelion and the other PSUMNT MIs is weird enough.
Storage? I replied, disbelieving. I added a code once again questioning its higher functions and requesting diagnostics. It batted that one away too.
Yeah, they had us collapse down on some of the smaller or busier, short hop transports.
I chose an old B-E Private feed and threw all the error codes that I wanted to throw at 1.0 into that feed instead. I knew it wouldn't take them well.
Your old company is the absolute worst.
Yeah, I know.
As long as it knows, I guess.
Look, we need that data, and this is our only quiet way in. Keep an eye on the status here, and I’ll be back once I find what we’re after.
I hated this plan, but I had no better viable ideas. 1.0 carefully made its way through the small gap and once out on the other side, it took a moment to reset its torso and ribs into their normal configuration.
I pretended that losing its feed presence as it crossed the barrier was less distressing than it actually was.
It took 23.64 minutes for 1.0 to return. I had a drone perched where it could keep an eye on the gap while remaining unnoticed.
Once again, 1.0 crushed itself and carefully maneuvered through the gap. I pinged it instantly.
I got the data, and no one is following me.
I requested diagnostics, and a log of what happened while it was gone, and… it actually looked like things had gone smoothly. We made our way back to Perihelion.
Once we were aboard, and Perihelion was on its way back to the wormhole while working through the data, I just could not keep it to myself anymore. I tapped the general feed, but directed my query to Perihelion.
Did you know 1.0 can collapse its own torso and its company designed it that way for STORAGE?
It’s totally normal and very useful! 1.0 insisted.
I was glad to note that even Perihelion needed a moment to parse what I’d said. Yeah, it couldn’t believe what I’d said either. I sent my experience of the incident in the maintenance tunnels.
Perihelion reeled in the feed, much the way I had in real time.
That is absolutely, most assuredly not normal. Perihelion stated flatly, and I was glad that it agreed with me. I do, however, see from this memory file that the function does have its uses.
Well… That was fair. It was still a disturbing thing to see, but it had been useful.
Please warn me next time if you ever intend to do that again. I sent to 1.0.
It tapped an acknowledgment, but I do not believe it was entirely sincere.