Chapter Text
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[TRANSMISSION 1-34]
TECHNO:
Wait— what is that?
[WARNINGS begin to BLARE.]
TECHNO:
How am I so off track? I mean, I went the right way, 2065-I12 should be right here…
[TECHNO trails off].
TECHNO:
Did that just blip off my map? What the fuck?
TECHNO:
Where am I?
[MUTTERING too low to make out].
TECHNO:
Chat, stop. It’s obviously some kinda mistake, something probably knocked out of place, and it’s fine. I don’t need to call Phil for this.
TECHNO:
I mean- like, something I would’ve called Phil for. Chat you get it, stop makin’ fun of me.
TECHNO:
I am not confused.
TECHNO:
None of y’all are helpin’, you know? I should call Niki.
[RINGING]
[RINGING]
[RINGING]
[DISCONNECT]
TECHNO:
Oooookay. It’s fine, we can figure this out. First try.
TECHNO:
So if I move the router here to the underside of the cooler, then-
TECHNO:
First try, chat. Don’t ever underestimate me again.
[A CLUNK, followed by several other CLATTERS]
TECHNO:
Bruh. I hate spaceships.
TECHNO:
Oh!
TECHNO:
Okay, so we’re back. Uh… stars, that’s far.
TECHNO:
So, if I just… make it here, and then go around there, I’ll be back on track in…
[A chair CREAK.]
TECHNO:
…Two more months.
TECHNO:
The only good thing here is that comms are still running. I can send logs and recordings to Niki, just not- direct transmissions.
TECHNO:
Me and chat for the next two months. Yeah, I’ll be fine.
[TRANSMISSION terminated.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[TRANSMISSION 1-38]
TECHNO:
It’s just a cargo run.
TECHNO:
Somehow we took a wrong turn.
TECHNO:
No chat, I did not make a mistake…
TECHNO:
I don’t know what happened.
[A small moment of SILENCE.]
TECHNO:
Should have brought more books honestly.
TECHNO:
Because this is boring.
[The sound of fabric RUSTLING.]
TECHNO:
It’s around 2am.
TECHNO:
It feels like that anyway.
TECHNO:
Not that it really matters.
TECHNO:
Deep space is dark.
TECHNO:
But it can be pretty.
[There is a small SIGH.]
TECHNO:
I hope you are doing okay Niki.
TECHNO:
It will take longer before I get back.
TECHNO:
Not that I can tell you that now but.
TECHNO:
I hope you and Phil won’t worry too much.
TECHNO:
Speaking of Phil, where even is he?
TECHNO:
Normally we at least speak to each other before one of us leaves.
TECHNO:
Just hoping he is fine.
TECHNO:
But yeah. A few extra months because of that…
TECHNO:
I still don’t understand what happened.
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[TRANSMISSION 1-43]
TECHNO:
Losing track of the days.
TECHNO:
Yes, chat, again.
TECHNO:
I can’t help it.
TECHNO:
Not like the sun is coming up or going down.
[There is the sound of a light COUGH.]
TECHNO:
Yes, I know, chat.
TECHNO:
I know.
TECHNO:
The ship does have a day night cycle built in.
TECHNO:
But I hardly sleep when I’m supposed to.
TECHNO:
Oh, I forgot to mention it before.
TECHNO:
I saw a planet today.
TECHNO:
It looked pretty.
TECHNO:
Wrong but pretty.
TECHNO:
The rings around it were all kind of messed up.
TECHNO:
Almost shattered, cracked.
TECHNO:
I wonder what happened.
[Soft TAPPING in the background of a shoe hitting metallic floor.]
TECHNO:
I finished my books.
TECHNO:
Mostly just staring outside now.
TECHNO:
There is this stretch of space where the stars look smudged.
TECHNO:
Not blurred, but like someone dragged a thumb across wet paint.
TECHNO:
Chat says it’s just particulate dust in the foreground.
TECHNO:
But I think it looks like someone messed up the sky and then just didn’t bother fixing it.
TECHNO:
Chat might be right.
[The noise of the engine HUMMING softly.]
TECHNO:
I’m supposed to be near to a debris field.
TECHNO:
A natural one though. Not ship debris.
TECHNO:
Anyway.
TECHNO:
Yeah, I’ll be back.
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[TRANSMISSION 1-51]
TECHNO:
I woke up late?
TECHNO:
Chat says it was late.
TECHNO:
It’s hard to tell with the lights being on a cycle.
TECHNO:
And the cycle is on a timer.
TECHNO:
Can only hope the timer is actually right.
TECHNO:
Chat says it is right.
TECHNO:
Anyway.
TECHNO:
I made coffee.
TECHNO:
Or the closest thing to coffee that I can make on this ship.
TECHNO:
It tasted like something that isn’t allowed to be called coffee.
TECHNO:
I drank it anyway.
TECHNO:
Other than that, I tightened a bolt today.
TECHNO:
Yes, that was the highlight.
TECHNO:
No, it didn’t really need tightening.
TECHNO:
I just needed something to do.
[There is a loud SIGH.]
TECHNO:
I heated up my lunch.
TECHNO:
The package called it stew.
TECHNO:
It wasn’t stew.
TECHNO:
It was...
TECHNO:
Beige?
TECHNO:
Beige with ambition.
TECHNO:
Chat hated it.
TECHNO:
At least there were some stars to look at while I ate.
TECHNO:
And don’t get me started on dinner.
TECHNO:
Beige again.
TECHNO:
Different kind of beige though.
TECHNO:
Chat called it variety.
TECHNO:
Man I miss talking to people.
TECHNO:
Actual people, chat.
TECHNO:
You guys don’t really count.
[Soft MUMBLING, that doesn’t get picked up.]
TECHNO:
No.
TECHNO:
Hmm.
TECHNO:
What else did I do today?
TECHNO:
I took a nap!
TECHNO:
Or I just stared at the ceiling while time passed.
TECHNO:
Nah, it was a nap.
TECHNO:
I also reorganized the tool drawer.
TECHNO:
Yes, again.
TECHNO:
I mean I did use a tool so might as well reorganize it.
TECHNO:
Yeah, that was it.
TECHNO:
Nothing special.
TECHNO:
Boring, but at least pretty.
TECHNO:
It should be boring.
TECHNO:
Boring is good.
TECHNO:
And now I’m here.
TECHNO:
Talking to the recorder.
TECHNO:
To chat.
TECHNO:
Well, to myself.
TECHNO:
It’s fine.
TECHNO:
Boring but fine.
TECHNO:
It’s just another day.
TECHNO:
Well, I guess I should go to bed.
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
UNKNOWN TRANSMISSION T-1
PICK UP?
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[TRANSMISSION CONNECTION STABILIZING...]
[TRANSMISSION IDENTIFIED.]
[1NN1T CONNECTED TO PORT 02.]
1NN1T:
-ello?
TECHNO:
Wait, what?
1NN1T:
Holy fuck! It worked!
TECHNO:
How are you sending a transmission to this ship right now? Who are you?
1NN1T:
That’s a lot of questions, Artic. Dumb name, by the way.
TECHNO:
That’s not even my name, one-en-en-one-tee. It’s my ship name.
1NN1T:
That’s still a stupid name.
TECHNO:
Call is comin’ from inside the space station.
1NN1T:
What space station?
TECHNO:
It’s a saying? Also, you’ve answered none of my questions.
1NN1T:
Answers are for nerds. Like you.
TECHNO:
Okay, one-en-en-one-tee.
1NN1T:
That's not how you say it.
TECHNO:
Thought you just said answerin’ questions were for nerds.
1NN1T:
It’s pronounced Innit, dickhead! And I go by Tommy, anyway.
TECHNO:
Tommy, then. Nice to meet cha’. I think.
1NN1T:
You suck and should die.
TECHNO:
So how are you contacting this ship, again?
1NN1T:
I don’t fuckin’ know, big man. It came on my radar. I’ve been on this stupid empty island planet for-
[A pause.]
1NN1T:
I dunno. A long time.
TECHNO:
Where are you?
1NN1T:
My map said it was called Tirani-A6.
TECHNO:
Yeah, I see it.
1NN1T:
Thank fuck! Get me off this stupid planet already.
TECHNO:
How do I know this isn’t a trap? This is like- untouched territories. No one comes out here.
1NN1T:
I know it was a stupid idea, okay? I went on a joyride on a little pod ship in one of those giant freighters, and the engine failed. I had to do an emergency landing, and I’ve just been stuck here.
TECHNO:
No one noticed you were gone?
1NN1T:
Well that’s insensitive.
TECHNO:
Sorry. Well- not really. That’s a dumb way to get stranded.
1NN1T:
What kinda asshole is still contemplating whether or not you’ll let a stowaway who has been stranded for god knows how long on their ship?
TECHNO:
I’m a wanted man, Tommy.
1NN1T:
I could never imagine a woman wanting you.
TECHNO:
By the government.
1NN1T:
You’ll be glad to know, I don’t work for the government. They’re almost bigger assholes than you.
TECHNO:
I feel like you don’t actually want to be saved.
1NN1T:
I feel like you don’t actually want to fuckin’ save me!
TECHNO:
Eeeh.
1NN1T:
That was a joke. Please save me, suspicious Artic guy who won’t kidnap me and murder me and then dispose of my several valuable body parts across the galaxy in an arrangement that no one will ever find.
TECHNO:
You’ve had time to think about that one, huh?
1NN1T:
It’s been a while.
TECHNO:
It’s Techno, by the way. Not Artic Guy. Technoblade, if you really want to be specific.
1NN1T:
HOLY SHIT!
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah.
1NN1T:
I'M GONNA GET FUCKIN’ MURDERED BY THE BLADE! THAT’S SICK AS FUCK!
TECHNO:
Bruh. You really do assume the worst of people. Do you want to be saved, or not?
1NN1T:
Well if I’m gonna be murdered about it, maybe not.
TECHNO:
You can’t be murdered about it. That’s not a thing.
1NN1T:
You’re not a thing.
TECHNO:
Welp. Guess no one's out here to save you then.
1NN1T:
No, no wait, wait big man, haha, The big Tech No Blade. It’s been so long.
TECHNO:
It’s one word. Technoblade. Or just Techno.
1NN1T:
What about Blade?
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
I think I’m gonna call you Blade.
TECHNO:
I’m getting a feelin’ on why your crew didn’t come lookin’ for you.
1NN1T:
You’re a bitch. And an asshole. And you have no women.
TECHNO:
I’m leavin’.
1NN1T:
You’re the greatest man I’ve ever met and I’m sure you have many people that care about your wellbeing. Let me off this planet, please.
TECHNO:
Was that the first time you said please this entire conversation?
1NN1T:
My mother, whom I never knew, always raved about my good table manners.
TECHNO:
I can tell.
1NN1T:
…So. You’re coming?
TECHNO:
I dunno. I think you could make it a couple more months.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Are you deaf?
1NN1T:
No!
TECHNO:
I aint gonna pick you up, kid.
1NN1T:
But-
TECHNO:
I’ve got a job to do.
1NN1T:
You can’t be serious?
TECHNO:
I dunno, can’t I?
1NN1T:
Blade, please. You can’t just leave a friend stranded.
TECHNO:
Friend? I’ve spoken to you for like ten minutes.
1NN1T:
Best friend then!
TECHNO:
No?
1NN1T:
So, when are you getting here?
TECHNO:
I’m not?
1NN1T:
Yeah, no but seriously?
TECHNO:
Kid, I’ve got a job to do.
1NN1T:
I’m NOT a kid.
TECHNO:
If you are not a kid you can take care of yourself.
1NN1T:
Well.
TECHNO:
Just get someone from your crew to do it.
1NN1T:
I can’t fuckin’ reach them! Do I sound—
TECHNO:
That sounds like a you problem.
1NN1T:
But-
TECHNO:
No. I’ve got like seven months to go on this ship.
1NN1T:
Yeah, but-
TECHNO:
Kid. I’m not going over it again.
1NN1T:
But you are the Blade.
TECHNO:
What does that have to do with it?
1NN1T:
Fuck you.
TECHNO:
Goodluck!
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah. Where are you?
1NN1T:
On the fuckin’ planet, I thought we established that.
TECHNO:
If I land nineteen hours away because of your evidential lack of navigation skills, you’re walkin’.
1NN1T:
Ugh. Well, it’s sun facing right now. When you enter the atmosphere I can send a flare, I'm on the only mountain on this entire continent, I’m pretty sure. Doesn’t my transmission have a location, anyway?
TECHNO:
Only vaguely. I think I see your flare. That’s bright.
1NN1T:
Pretty sure that's the point of a flare, dumbass.
TECHNO:
You really need to learn how to treat your literal saviours better.
1NN1T:
Usually my saviours aren’t evil. And the Blade.
TECHNO:
You’re just gonna keep callin’ me that, won’t you.
1NN1T:
Abso-fuckin-loutely.
TECHNO:
Shoulda left you stranded. I see your crash, are you near it?
1NN1T:
Close enough. If you land, I can come meet you.
TECHNO:
Okay. I’ll close the transmission now, just let me know-
1NN1T:
Wait.
TECHNO:
What's up?
1NN1T:
Can you… can you not hang up? Just- just until I get on the ship.
TECHNO:
…Why?
1NN1T:
I- y’know. ‘S quiet, that’s all.
Haven’t you been here in silence for months? A couple more minutes won’t kill you.
TECHNO:
Yeah, kid. Sure.
1NN1T:
I’m not a fuckin’ kid! I’m a big man. A huge massive man.
TECHNO:
Uhuh. I’m sure.
1NN1T:
Stop sounding so doubtful.
TECHNO:
Natural state. Kid.
1NN1T:
Hey! How the fuck would you even know? You’re probably like- old n’ shit, full of wrinkles. You’re gonna die on me, and then I’m gonna have to become your successor and take care of your ship. A tragedy, really.
TECHNO:
I’ve literally known you for like- ten minutes, Tommy. I have a successor already.
1NN1T:
Wait, are you actually old then? I didn’t know THE Tech No Blade was ancient already.
TECHNO:
I’m not ancient, I’m like- in my twenties. I just have a protege.
1NN1T:
Wait, really? Can I meet him? Or her. Or them. I don’t discriminate.
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
Boo. You’re so lame. You should get cooler, Blade.
TECHNO:
He’s bad enough on their own, you’d just enable ‘em.
1NN1T:
You accuse me of so many crimes.
TECHNO:
I’ve known you for less than an hour and all you’ve done is insult me repeatedly. Whaddya think was gonna happen?
1NN1T:
I like to think of it as a charming personality.
TECHNO:
Don’t think it got you many places.
1NN1T:
Hardy har har. You’re so funny, Blade. Should’a become a comedian instead of a renowned space pirate. Oh hey, I think I see you.
TECHNO:
I hope so, the ship is bright green and the floor is purple.
1NN1T:
That’s a sick fucking ship, Techno! What the fuck, you didn’t tell me you brought out this beauty!
TECHNO:
Eh. Not pertinent information. It’s a pretty small cruiser anyway.
1NN1T:
THAT is a small cruiser? Are you guys out of your goddamn minds?! She’s gorgeous! I’m gonna name her Clementine.
TECHNO:
She already has a name, you can’t rename her.
1NN1T:
I bet it’s lame and bad and lame.
TECHNO:
Extensive vocabulary you got there.
1NN1T:
I got more! Wanna hear?
TECHNO:
I’ll pass.
1NN1T:
You’re lame. Clementine would want to hear it. ‘Cause she’s the only woman ever.
TECHNO:
Several other women exist, actually.
1NN1T:
And I bet you know NONE of them! Gotcha.
[A long sigh.]
TECHNO:
Are you almost here?
1NN1T:
Yeah, old man. Open your ramp.
TECHNO:
See ya.
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
TECHNO:
Haven’t you been here in silence for months? A couple more minutes won’t kill you.
1NN1T:
Yeah. I’m a big man anyway- what's your make and model, dickface?
TECHNO:
I’m literally the only ship here. You don’t need to identify it, just find it.
1NN1T:
Ugh, fine. Bye!
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 1]
TECHNO:
Woah.
1NN1T:
What are you staring at? Do I have something on my face? Sorry, side effect of being stranded for fourteen bajillion fucking years.
TECHNO:
No, just- what are you?
1NN1T:
What, never seen a human, dipshit?
TECHNO:
Nooooo I definitely have. Just not like that.
1NN1T:
We have variety, man. Didn’t your mom teach you not to stare?
TECHNO:
Never knew her.
1NN1T:
Ay, same! Up top!
[There is no sound of a high five.]
1NN1T:
Party pooper.
TECHNO:
So… you’re just human? Fully?
1NN1T:
Yeah. Insensitive question. Do I go around askin’ if you’re fucking- pink, or whatever?
TECHNO:
You mean piglin?
1NN1T:
Basically the same thing.
TECHNO:
Noooo, definitely not.
1NN1T:
Potato po-tat-o.
TECHNO:
Yeah yeah. I’ll show you the bunkers and stuff.
1NN1T:
How many bunkers do you fuckin’ have?
TECHNO:
Like… four. I only use one. Not even, really- most of my stuff is just in the cockpit.
1NN1T:
Haha.
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
You said cock.
TECHNO:
Never speak to me again.
1NN1T:
It was funny! Show me your bunkers, Tech No Blade.
TECHNO:
Down this hall to the left. To the right is the c- the flying room.
1NN1T:
I want the one closest to yours.
TECHNO:
So you can annoy me to death during my sleep, too?
1NN1T:
EXACTLY!
TECHNO:
Am I gonna regret this?
1NN1T:
In copious amounts.
TECHNO:
Any chance you still wanna get leave before I take off?
1NN1T:
No fuckin’ way, dude. I can’t wait to get murdered in deep space.
TECHNO:
I’m not gonna murder you.
1NN1T:
Sounds like something a murderer would say.
I'm dropping you off at the next populated planet we see, got it?
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 1]
TECHNO:
Woah.
1NN1T:
What are you staring at? Do I have something on my face? Sorry, side effect of being stranded for fourteen bajillion fucking years.
TECHNO:
No, just- what are you?
1NN1T:
What, never seen a human, dipshit?
TECHNO:
Nooooo I definitely have. Just not like that.
1NN1T:
We have variety, man. Didn’t your mom teach you not to stare?
TECHNO:
Never knew her.
1NN1T:
Ay, same! Up top!
[There is no sound of a high five.]
1NN1T:
Party pooper.
TECHNO:
So… you’re just human? Fully?
1NN1T:
Yeah. Insensitive question. Do I go around askin’ if you’re fucking- pink, or whatever?
TECHNO:
You mean piglin?
1NN1T:
Basically the same thing.
TECHNO:
Noooo, definitely not.
1NN1T:
Potato po-tat-o.
TECHNO:
Yeah yeah. I’ll show you the bunkers and stuff.
1NN1T:
How many bunkers do you fuckin’ have?
TECHNO:
Like… four. I only use one. Not even, really- most of my stuff is just in the cockpit.
1NN1T:
Haha.
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
You said cock.
TECHNO:
Never speak to me again.
1NN1T:
It was funny! Show me your bunkers, Tech No Blade.
TECHNO:
Down this hall to the left. To the right is the c- the flying room.
1NN1T:
I want the one closest to yours.
TECHNO:
So you can annoy me to death during my sleep, too?
1NN1T:
EXACTLY!
TECHNO:
Am I gonna regret this?
1NN1T:
In copious amounts.
TECHNO:
Any chance you still wanna get leave before I take off?
1NN1T:
No fuckin’ way, dude. I can’t wait to get murdered in deep space.
TECHNO:
I’m not gonna murder you.
1NN1T:
Sounds like something a murderer would say.
I'm dropping you off at the next populated planet we see, got it?
TECHNO:
I’m dropping you off at the next populated planet we see, got it?
1NN1T:
We’re in a dead zone, that’s gonna be for ages!
TECHNO:
Obviously. Where else d’you want me to take you?
1NN1T:
I dunno, your fleet?
TECHNO:
You’d rather board the Arctic Empire’s main ship than wait to ‘til we land on the next populated planet?
1NN1T:
‘S not like I’ve never been there before.
TECHNO:
I’m gonna pretend I never heard that.
1NN1T:
Probably for the best.
[Silence.]
1NN1T:
So what’re you out here for-
TECHNO:
Do you ever stop talkin’?
1NN1T:
They call it part of my charm.
TECHNO:
Who is they?
1NN1T:
The many women I definitely know.
TECHNO:
I don’t think you’ve ever interacted with a woman in your life.
1NN1T:
Have so! Hannah is the ultimate woman ever.
TOMMY:
Whose she?
1NN1T:
A woman. Duh.
TECHNO:
This conversation is pointless.
1NN1T:
You’re pointless. Just like a really shittily drawn square.
TECHNO:
What???
1NN1T:
Where are we going?
TECHNO:
Nunya business.
1NN1T:
I’m on your ship, Tech No Blade, it’s our business now.
TECHNO:
It is not.
1NN1T:
C’monnnnn! Cross my soul I won’t tell anyone.
TECHNO:
Why d’you even care?
1NN1T:
Why do you even care?
TECHNO:
‘Cause it’s classified.
1NN1T:
It can’t be that classified.
TECHNO:
…
1NN1T:
HA! So you CAN tell me!
TECHNO:
Y’er never gonna give this up, will you?
1NN1T:
Nope! So what is it? Assassination? A hit on a famous politician shit bag? Kidnapping a random stranded survivor in the middle of deep space to scatter their remains across the galaxy as a show of strength and violence?
TECHNO:
What is wrong with you?
1NN1T:
Alphabetically or numerically? I sorted them once-
TECHNO:
Stars above.
1NN1T:
Stars around, actually. We’re in space. Duh.
TECHNO:
I changed my mind, I’m not tellin’ ya.
1NN1T:
Pleeeaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeeee-
TECHNO:
It’s a cargo run.
1NN1T:
You’re kidding.
TECHNO:
I’m… not?
1NN1T:
…ALL THAT SECRECY FOR A FUCKING CARGO RUN-
TECHNO:
My eardrums aren’t makin’ it.
1NN1T:
-HAD TO PRY THAT SHIT LIKE TEETH-
TECHNO:
I’m turnin’ this thing off.
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 1 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 2]
1NN1T:
Are we there yet?
TECHNO:
No. Stop askin’.
1NN1T:
How about now?
TECHNO:
It hasn’t even been five seconds.
[HUFF.]
1NN1T:
You’re so boring.
TECHNO:
I’m not tryna be fun. I’m literally an unpaid taxi right now.
1NN1T:
I got off a stranded planet, what do you even want me to fucking pay you with? Child labour? That’s illegal, y’know.
TECHNO:
So you admit you’re a child?
1NN1T:
If you’re trying to exploit me, then yeah!
TECHNO:
I don’t think that's how bein’ a kid works.
1NN1T:
I’m only a child when it’s convenient. Duh.
TECHNO:
Bruh. I’ve done considerably more illegal things than child labour.
1NN1T:
Oooookay.
1NN1T:
So are we there yet?
TECHNO:
I should’ve left you on that planet.
1NN1T:
Hey! This is your fucking fault, technically. If you just had better things to do, I wouldn't be so bored.
TECHNO:
I have books.
1NN1T:
Books are for nerds.
TECHNO:
And intellectuals, which you clearly aren’t.
1NN1T:
Fine, then read it to me. Nerd.
TECHNO:
What, you suddenly into old terrain mythology?
1NN1T:
You mean [UNKNOWN WORD. TRANSLATED: Earth]?
TECHNO:
What’s that?
1NN1T:
Oh- uh. Terran word for Terria.
TECHNO:
You speak Terran?
1NN1T:
Well- Yeah. I’m huma- Terran.
TECHNO:
It’s a lost language, though.
1NN1T:
Can’t be that lost. I speak it, don’t I?
TECHNO:
I guess ya’ do. Just never met anyone else who speaks it.
1NN1T:
Guess not many Terrians in these parts?
TECHNO:
One way to put it.
1NN1T:
It’s been so long since I’ve seen any humans. My crew- they were all fuckin- amazing, obviously, but none of them were human, y’know?
TECHNO:
I- guess so.
1NN1T:
What, don’t you have a plethora of piglins in your space pirate empire?
TECHNO:
Nah. Just me.
1NN1T:
What? I swear last time I ran into the Artic Empire they had like- a fuck ton of piglins roamin’ those halls.
TECHNO:
Ignorin’ the fact that you’ve been on the most infamous pirate fleet in the entire galaxy ever, how long has it been since you crashed for you to even remember that?
1NN1T:
35 262, and nine sun rotations in Galaxy Essempei. Probably like- twenty one ish rotations stranded.
TECHNO:
It’s- We’re 35 273, Tommy. It’s been eleven years.
1NN1T:
W-what? (NERVOUS LAUGHTER) What’re you talking about?
TECHNO:
I think you were there for much longer than you think.
1NN1T:
There’s no fucking way. I was keeping track!
TECHNO:
Were you?
1NN1T:
Yes- No- well, but not enough to miss nine fucking years!
TECHNO:
But you did.
1NN1T:
Prove it.
TECHNO:
It’s right here, Tommy. Look.
[TAPPING on a screen.]
1NN1T:
What- Is this a sick prank, Techno? It’s not fuckin’ funny!
TECHNO:
It’s not a prank. I barely even know you, why the heck would I prank you?
1NN1T:
I dunno! You’re- you’re Technoblade, you like- murder people n’ shit!
TECHNO:
Bad people. And I met you yesterday.
1NN1T:
You’re still evil! You could be- I dunno, sent by the government!
TECHNO:
I’m actively runnin’ from the government, actually.
1NN1T:
There’s not fucking way. There’s no way I just…
1NN1T:
I just missed eleven years of my life?
TECHNO:
…Yeah.
1NN1T:
How…?
TECHNO:
I don’t know. I’m sorry, kid.
1NN1T:
What-
[A BROKEN LAUGH. It sounds like someone is CRYING.]
1NN1T:
What’re you even apologizing for? Not like you fucking- stranded me in the middle of nowhere in deep space.
TECHNO:
Yeah, well.
1NN1T:
Tell me about it, then.
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
The last eleven years, dickhead. Tell me about them.
[A SNORT.]
TECHNO:
Well to start, Freferia exploded…
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 2 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
1NN1T:
I dunno. Your ship, innit?
TECHNO:
We’re in deep space.
1NN1T:
And?
TECHNO:
I’m undercover.
1NN1T:
Ooookay, and I love women. What are we getting at, here?
TECHNO:
I can’t just contact them from here, Tommy. I’ll get traced and tracked.
1NN1T:
I thought we established that no women would want you, let alone track you-
TECHNO:
The government.
1NN1T:
Government, schmovernment. Is it really that important-
TECHNO:
Yes?!
1NN1T:
Ugh. Fine. I guess I can come with you on your ultra super sneaky spy mission or whatever.
TECHNO:
I don't think you got a single sneaky bone in you. Or any bones, actually.
1NN1T:
I am the ultimate haver of bones.
TECHNO:
You sure?
1NN1T:
Big man T, look at these digits. Do they look boneless to you?
TECHNO:
Yes.
1NN1T:
Hater.
[SILENCE.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 2]
1NN1T:
Are we there yet?
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
How ‘bout now?
TECHNO:
Still no.
1NN1T:
….Now?
TECHNO:
Tommy, we are several weeks away.
1NN1T:
Ughhh, but this ship is so boringggg! You have nothing fun to do!
TECHNO:
I have puzzles.
1NN1T:
Has anyone ever told you how lame you are?
TECHNO:
You. Many times, actually. Despite us meetin’ like- a day ago.
1NN1T:
Yeah, well- I’m right.
TECHNO:
Okay, kid.
1NN1T:
What else do you have?
TECHNO:
Books.
1NN1T:
…What kinda books?
TECHNO:
Old Terrian mythology.
1NN1T:
You mean [UNKNOWN WORD. TRANSLATED: Earth]?
TECHNO:
What’s that?
1NN1T:
Oh- uh. Terran word for Terria.
TECHNO:
You speak Terran?
1NN1T:
Well- Yeah. I’m huma- Terran.
TECHNO:
It’s a lost language, though.
1NN1T:
Can’t be that lost. I speak it, don’t I?
TECHNO:
I guess ya’ do. Just never met anyone else who speaks it.
1NN1T:
Guess not many Terrians in these parts?
TECHNO:
One way to put it.
1NN1T:
It’s been so long since I’ve seen any humans. My crew- they were all fuckin- amazing, obviously, but none of them were human, y’know?
TECHNO:
I- guess so.
1NN1T:
What, don’t you have a plethora of piglins in your space pirate empire?
TECHNO:
Nah. Just me.
1NN1T:
What? I swear last time I ran into the Artic Empire they had like- a fuck ton of piglins roamin’ those halls.
TECHNO:
Ignorin’ the fact that you’ve been on the most infamous pirate fleet in the entire galaxy ever, how long has it been since you crashed for you to even remember that?
1NN1T:
35 262, and nine sun rotations in Galaxy Essempei. Probably like- twenty one ish rotations stranded.
TECHNO:
Oh. Okay.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Nothin’. So what were you even doing on my fleet?
1NN1T:
I dunno! We just- ended up there.
TECHNO:
Most people don’t just end up in the Arctic Empire, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Most people aren’t poggers like me.
TECHNO:
Poggers? Is that a synonym for stupid?
1NN1T:
No, it means awesome- Ohhhh, you’re being fucking sarcastic, I hate you.
TECHNO:
Ha.
1NN1T:
It was on a dare, technically. Purpled made a bet that I couldn’t fly through this debris cloud without breaking something, and even though Tubbo was gonna have our fuckin’ heads if we broke the shields again, what was I gonna do, say no?
TECHNO:
Yeah.
1NN1T:
Fuck no! I did it. And we survived, by the way.
TECHNO:
Whose Purpled and Tubbo?
1NN1T:
They’re my crew. Tubbo’s our mechanic, and Purpled’s the navigator.
TECHNO:
That’s it?
1NN1T:
We’re not the fuckin’ Empire, Techno. We don’t need hundreds of people, three is fine.
TECHNO:
So what happened to the shields?
1NN1T:
I don’t like talking about it.
TECHNO:
That's how you got on board? Because you lost a bet?
1NN1T:
And Tubbo’s unparalleled genius hacking your weak ass systems. He’s fuckin’ scary when you’re not on his side.
TECHNO:
You know much about that?
1NN1T:
Oh, he hates my guts. We’re also best friends and I’d kill the sun for him, though. Purpled too. He always acts all lonely and like he doesn’t care but I’ve seen that fucker when he gets drugged. Moping all over the place about how we’re his only friends in the whole galaxy-
TECHNO:
Why’re you gettin’ drugged?
1NN1T:
Purpled’s a bounty hunter. He gets into all sorts of shit, really. We all do.
TECHNO:
How old is he? Purpled.
1NN1T:
I dunno. Couple hundred years, I think? He’s Blydarin, though.
TECHNO:
Bruh. You’re all children?
1NN1T:
No we’re fuckin’ not, Techno! Are you admitting you got hacked by a child?
TECHNO:
Apparently!
1NN1T:
Loser.
TECHNO:
D’you not have any adult supervision?
1NN1T:
For what? We’re fine.
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
Most adults suck ass, anyway. It’s like you become old and suddenly you’re just fuckin’- evil, or some shit.
TECHNO:
You’re talkin’ to an adult right now, you know that?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. But you’re different.
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Yeah. Purpled would love you. Or try to stab you. Which means he sees you as a threat, which kinda means he finds you cool.
TECHNO:
Sounds like an interestin’ guy.
1NN1T:
Yeah. You should meet him. Tubbo, too.
TECHNO:
When I retire, maybe.
1NN1T:
…Why not now?
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
Why not now?
TECHNO:
No- I heard you the first time. We’re in deep space, Tommy. You can’t even see the next galaxy from here.
1NN1T:
Not now now, Blade. Like- when we land.
TECHNO:
On Rhythea?
1NN1T:
Yeah- well. No. Why don’t we just… go to them?
TECHNO:
Heh?
1NN1T:
Why don’t we go to them? Are you fuckin’ deaf?
TECHNO:
Gonna ignore that. We can’t contact them. I’ll be compromised.
1NN1T:
How?
TECHNO:
Well- I’d have to go online entirely, meaning I’ll be on the radars and then-
1NN1T:
Fine, fine. We land on Rhythea, gently borrow a transmitter from someone-
TECHNO:
Just say steal.
1NN1T:
Gently borrow. Then just send ‘em a message.
TECHNO:
You remember your transmitter number off the top of your head?
1NN1T:
Duh. Don’t you?
TECHNO:
Yeah, just didn’t expect it from you.
1NN1T:
Asshole.
TECHNO:
Hey, just throwin’ this out there, what if they got a new ship?
1NN1T:
They would never. We’ve had Clara since we escaped together. I think we'd all rather die than replace her.
TECHNO:
What if they did?
1NN1T:
No they fuckin’ didn’t, Techno, I said-
TECHNO:
Died.
1NN1T:
It's been twenty five revolutions, not rotations. Both Purpled and Tubbo will both outlive me by centuries species wise anyway, so if I’m alive, so are they.
TECHNO:
Didn’t ya say you’re bounty hunters?
1NN1T:
Yeah, not shitty ones.
TECHNO:
You got yourself stranded, though.
1NN1T:
Just- stop talking, Techno. They’re alive, okay? I fucking know it.
TECHNO:
...
1NN1T:
You’ll see. When we get a transmitter and they’ll respond, you’ll fuckin’ see.
TECHNO:
Fine.
1NN1T:
So we’ll go?
TECHNO:
Yeah, kid. Let's go.
1NN1T:
I’m not a fucking kid-
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 2 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
TECHNO:
It’s- We’re 35 273, Tommy. It’s been eleven years.
1NN1T:
W-what? (NERVOUS LAUGHTER) What’re you talking about?
TECHNO:
I think you were there for much longer than you think.
1NN1T:
There’s no fucking way. I was keeping track!
TECHNO:
Were you?
1NN1T:
Yes- No- well, but not enough to miss nine fucking years!
TECHNO:
But you did.
1NN1T:
Prove it.
TECHNO:
It’s right here, Tommy. Look.
[TAPPING on a screen.]
1NN1T:
What- Is this a sick prank, Techno? It’s not fuckin’ funny!
TECHNO:
It’s not a prank. I barely even know you, why the heck would I prank you?
1NN1T:
I dunno! You’re- you’re Technoblade, you like- murder people n’ shit!
TECHNO:
Bad people. And I met you yesterday.
1NN1T:
You’re still evil! You could be- I dunno, sent by the government!
TECHNO:
I’m actively runnin’ from the government, actually.
1NN1T:
There’s not fucking way. There’s no way I just…
1NN1T:
I just missed eleven years of my life?
TECHNO:
…Yeah.
1NN1T:
How…?
TECHNO:
I don’t know. I’m sorry, kid.
1NN1T:
What-
[A BROKEN LAUGH. It sounds like someone is CRYING.]
1NN1T:
What’re you even apologizing for? Not like you fucking- stranded me in the middle of nowhere in deep space.
TECHNO:
Yeah, well.
1NN1T:
Tell me about it, then.
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
The last eleven years, dickhead. Tell me about them.
[A SNORT.]
TECHNO:
Well to start, Freferia exploded…
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 2 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
1NN1T:
I’m not a fuckin’ kid! I’m a big man. A huge massive man.
TECHNO:
Uhuh. I’m sure.
1NN1T:
Stop sounding so doubtful.
TECHNO:
Natural state. Kid.
1NN1T:
Hey! How the fuck would you even know? You’re probably like- old n’ shit, full of wrinkles. You’re gonna die on me, and then I’m gonna have to become your successor and take care of your ship. A tragedy, really.
TECHNO:
I’ve literally known you for like- ten minutes, Tommy. I have a successor already.
1NN1T:
Wait, are you actually old then? I didn’t know THE Tech No Blade was ancient already.
TECHNO:
I’m not ancient, I’m like- in my twenties. I just have a protege.
1NN1T:
Wait, really? Can I meet him? Or her. Or them. I don’t discriminate.
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
Boo. You’re so lame. You should get cooler, Blade.
TECHNO:
He’s bad enough on their own, you’d just enable ‘em.
1NN1T:
You accuse me of so many crimes.
TECHNO:
I’ve known you for less than an hour and all you’ve done is insult me repeatedly. Whaddya think was gonna happen?
1NN1T:
I like to think of it as a charming personality.
TECHNO:
Don’t think it got you many places.
1NN1T:
Hardy har har. You’re so funny, Blade. Should’a become a comedian instead of a renowned space pirate. Oh hey, I think I see you.
TECHNO:
I hope so, the ship is bright green and the floor is purple.
1NN1T:
That’s a sick fucking ship, Techno! What the fuck, you didn’t tell me you brought out this beauty!
TECHNO:
Eh. Not pertinent information. It’s a pretty small cruiser anyway, this is a cargo run.
1NN1T:
THAT is a cargo ship? Are you guys out of your goddamn minds?! She’s gorgeous! I’m gonna name her Clementine.
TECHNO:
She already has a name, you can’t rename her.
1NN1T:
I bet it’s lame and bad and lame.
TECHNO:
Extensive vocabulary you got there.
1NN1T:
I got more! Wanna hear?
TECHNO:
I’ll pass.
1NN1T:
You’re lame. Clementine would want to hear it. ‘Cause she’s the only woman ever.
TECHNO:
Several other women exist, actually.
1NN1T:
And I bet you know NONE of them! Gotcha.
[A long SIGH.]
TECHNO:
Are you almost here?
1NN1T:
Yeah, old man. Open your ramp.
TECHNO:
See ya.
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
1NN1T:
I dunno. Your ship, innit?
TECHNO:
We’re in deep space.
1NN1T:
And?
TECHNO:
I’m undercover.
1NN1T:
Ooookay, and I love women. What are we getting at, here?
TECHNO:
I can’t just contact them from here, Tommy. I’ll get traced and tracked.
1NN1T:
I thought we established that no women would want you, let alone track you-
TECHNO:
The government.
1NN1T:
Government, schmovernment. Is it really that important-
TECHNO:
Yes?!
1NN1T:
Ugh. Fine. I guess I can come with you on your ultra super sneaky spy mission or whatever.
TECHNO:
I don't think you got a single sneaky bone in you. Or any bones, actually.
1NN1T:
I am the ultimate haver of bones.
TECHNO:
You sure?
1NN1T:
Big man T, look at these digits. Do they look boneless to you?
TECHNO:
Yes.
1NN1T:
Hater.
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
Are we there yet?
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
How ‘bout now?
TECHNO:
Still no.
1NN1T:
….Now?
TECHNO:
Tommy, we are several weeks away.
1NN1T:
Ughhh, but this ship is so boringggg! You have nothing fun to do!
TECHNO:
I have puzzles.
1NN1T:
Has anyone ever told you how lame you are?
TECHNO:
You. Many times, actually. Despite us meetin’ like- a day ago.
1NN1T:
Yeah, well- I’m right.
TECHNO:
Okay, kid.
1NN1T:
What else do you have?
TECHNO:
Books.
1NN1T:
…What kinda books?
TECHNO:
Old Terrian mythology.
1NN1T:
You mean [UNKNOWN WORD. TRANSLATED: Earth]?
TECHNO:
What’s that?
1NN1T:
Oh- uh. Terran word for Terria.
TECHNO:
You speak Terran?
1NN1T:
Well- Yeah. I’m huma- Terran.
TECHNO:
It’s a lost language, though.
1NN1T:
Can’t be that lost. I speak it, don’t I?
TECHNO:
I guess ya’ do. Just never met anyone else who speaks it.
1NN1T:
Guess not many Terrians in these parts?
TECHNO:
One way to put it.
1NN1T:
It’s been so long since I’ve seen any humans. My crew- they were all fuckin- amazing, obviously, but none of them were human, y’know?
TECHNO:
I- guess so.
1NN1T:
What, don’t you have a plethora of piglins in your space pirate empire?
TECHNO:
Nah. Just me.
1NN1T:
What? I swear last time I ran into the Artic Empire they had like- a fuck ton of piglins roamin’ those halls.
TECHNO:
Ignorin’ the fact that you’ve been on the most infamous pirate fleet in the entire galaxy ever, how long has it been since you crashed for you to even remember that?
1NN1T:
35 262, and nine sun rotations in Galaxy Essempei. Probably like- twenty one ish rotations stranded.
TECHNO:
Oh. Okay.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Nothin’. So what were you even doing on my fleet?
1NN1T:
I dunno! We just- ended up there.
TECHNO:
Most people don’t just end up in the Arctic Empire, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Most people aren’t poggers like me.
TECHNO:
Poggers? Is that a synonym for stupid?
1NN1T:
No, it means awesome- Ohhhh, you’re being fucking sarcastic, I hate you.
TECHNO:
Ha.
1NN1T:
It was on a dare, technically. Purpled made a bet that I couldn’t fly through this debris cloud without breaking something, and even though Tubbo was gonna have our fuckin’ heads if we broke the shields again, what was I gonna do, say no?
TECHNO:
Yeah.
1NN1T:
Fuck no! I did it. And we survived, by the way.
TECHNO:
Whose Purpled and Tubbo?
1NN1T:
They’re my crew. Tubbo’s our mechanic, and Purpled’s the navigator.
TECHNO:
That’s it?
1NN1T:
We’re not the fuckin’ Empire, Techno. We don’t need hundreds of people, three is fine.
TECHNO:
So what happened to the shields?
1NN1T:
I don’t like talking about it.
TECHNO:
That's how you got on board? Because you lost a bet?
1NN1T:
And Tubbo’s unparalleled genius hacking your weak ass systems. He’s fuckin’ scary when you’re not on his side.
TECHNO:
You know much about that?
1NN1T:
Oh, he hates my guts. We’re also best friends and I’d kill the sun for him, though. Purpled too. He always acts all lonely and like he doesn’t care but I’ve seen that fucker when he gets drugged. Moping all over the place about how we’re his only friends in the whole galaxy-
TECHNO:
Why’re you gettin’ drugged?
1NN1T:
Purpled’s a bounty hunter. He gets into all sorts of shit, really. We all do.
TECHNO:
How old is he? Purpled.
1NN1T:
I dunno. Couple hundred years, I think? He’s Blydarin, though.
TECHNO:
Bruh. You’re all children?
1NN1T:
No we’re fuckin’ not, Techno! Are you admitting you got hacked by a child?
TECHNO:
Apparently!
1NN1T:
Loser.
TECHNO:
D’you not have any adult supervision?
1NN1T:
For what? We’re fine.
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
Most adults suck ass, anyway. It’s like you become old and suddenly you’re just fuckin’- evil, or some shit.
TECHNO:
You’re talkin’ to an adult right now, you know that?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. But you’re different.
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Yeah. Purpled would love you. Or try to stab you. Which means he sees you as a threat, which kinda means he finds you cool.
TECHNO:
Sounds like an interestin’ guy.
1NN1T:
Yeah. You should meet him. Tubbo, too.
TECHNO:
When I retire, maybe.
1NN1T:
…Why not now?
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
Why not now?
TECHNO:
No- I heard you the first time. We’re in deep space, Tommy. You can’t even see the next galaxy from here.
1NN1T:
Not now now, Blade. Like- when we land.
TECHNO:
On Rhythea?
1NN1T:
Yeah- well. No. Why don’t we just… go to them?
TECHNO:
Heh?
1NN1T:
Why don’t we go to them? Are you fuckin’ deaf?
TECHNO:
Gonna ignore that. We can’t contact them. I’ll be compromised.
1NN1T:
How?
TECHNO:
Well- I’d have to go online entirely, meaning I’ll be on the radars and then-
1NN1T:
Fine, fine. We land on Rhythea, gently borrow a transmitter from someone-
TECHNO:
Just say steal.
1NN1T:
Gently borrow. Then just send ‘em a message.
TECHNO:
You remember your transmitter number off the top of your head?
1NN1T:
Duh. Don’t you?
TECHNO:
Yeah, just didn’t expect it from you.
1NN1T:
Asshole.
TECHNO:
Hey, just throwin’ this out there, what if they got a new ship?
1NN1T:
They would never. We’ve had Clara since we escaped together. I think we'd all rather die than replace her.
TECHNO:
What if they did?
1NN1T:
No they fuckin’ didn’t, Techno, I said-
TECHNO:
Died.
1NN1T:
It's been twenty five revolutions, not rotations. Both Purpled and Tubbo will both outlive me by centuries species wise anyway, so if I’m alive, so are they.
TECHNO:
Didn’t ya say you’re bounty hunters?
1NN1T:
Yeah, not shitty ones.
TECHNO:
You got yourself stranded, though.
1NN1T:
Just- stop talking, Techno. They’re alive, okay? I fucking know it.
TECHNO:
...
1NN1T:
You’ll see. When we get a transmitter and they’ll respond, you’ll fuckin’ see.
TECHNO:
Fine.
1NN1T:
So we’ll go?
TECHNO:
Yeah, kid. Let's go.
1NN1T:
I’m not a fucking kid-
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 2 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
TECHNO:
I’m dropping you off at the next populated planet we see, got it?
1NN1T:
We’re in a dead zone, that’s gonna be for ages!
TECHNO:
Obviously. Where else d’you want me to take you?
1NN1T:
I dunno, your fleet?
TECHNO:
You’d rather board the Arctic Empire’s main ship than wait to ‘til we land on the next populated planet?
1NN1T:
‘S not like I’ve never been there before.
TECHNO:
I’m gonna pretend I never heard that.
1NN1T:
Probably for the best.
[Silence.]
1NN1T:
So what’re you out here for-
TECHNO:
Do you ever stop talkin’?
1NN1T:
They call it part of my charm.
TECHNO:
Who is they?
1NN1T:
The many women I definitely know.
TECHNO:
I don’t think you’ve ever interacted with a woman in your life.
1NN1T:
Have so! Hannah is the ultimate woman ever.
TOMMY:
Whose she?
1NN1T:
A woman. Duh.
TECHNO:
This conversation is pointless.
1NN1T:
You’re pointless. Just like a really shittily drawn square.
TECHNO:
What???
1NN1T:
Where are we going?
TECHNO:
Nunya business.
1NN1T:
I’m on your ship, Tech No Blade, it’s our business now.
TECHNO:
It is not.
1NN1T:
C’monnnnn! Cross my soul I won’t tell anyone.
TECHNO:
Why d’you even care?
1NN1T:
Why do you even care?
TECHNO:
‘Cause it’s classified.
1NN1T:
It can’t be that classified.
TECHNO:
…
1NN1T:
HA! So you CAN tell me!
TECHNO:
Y’er never gonna give this up, will you?
1NN1T:
Nope! So what is it? Assassination? A hit on a famous politician shit bag? Kidnapping a random stranded survivor in the middle of deep space to scatter their remains across the galaxy as a show of strength and violence?
TECHNO:
What is wrong with you?
1NN1T:
Alphabetically or numerically? I sorted them once-
TECHNO:
Stars above.
1NN1T:
Stars around, actually. We’re in space. Duh.
TECHNO:
I changed my mind, I’m not tellin’ ya.
1NN1T:
Pleeeaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeeee-
TECHNO:
It’s a cargo run.
1NN1T:
You’re kidding.
TECHNO:
I’m… not?
1NN1T:
…ALL THAT SECRECY FOR A FUCKING CARGO RUN-
TECHNO:
My eardrums aren’t makin’ it.
1NN1T:
-HAD TO PRY THAT SHIT LIKE TEETH-
TECHNO:
I’m turnin’ this thing off.
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 1 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 2]
1NN1T:
Are we there yet?
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
How ‘bout now?
TECHNO:
Still no.
1NN1T:
….Now?
TECHNO:
Tommy, we are several weeks away.
1NN1T:
Ughhh, but this ship is so boringggg! You have nothing fun to do!
TECHNO:
I have puzzles.
1NN1T:
Has anyone ever told you how lame you are?
TECHNO:
You. Many times, actually. Despite us meetin’ like- a day ago.
1NN1T:
Yeah well- I’m right.
TECHNO:
Okay, kid.
1NN1T:
What else do you have?
TECHNO:
Books.
1NN1T:
…What kinda books?
TECHNO:
Old Terrian mythology.
1NN1T:
You mean [UNKNOWN WORD. TRANSLATED: Earth]?
TECHNO:
What’s that?
1NN1T:
Oh- uh. Terran word for Terria.
TECHNO:
You speak Terran?v
1NN1T:
Well- Yeah. I’m human. Terran. Same thing.
TECHNO:
It’s a lost language, though.
1NN1T:
Can’t be that lost. I speak it, don’t I?
TECHNO:
I guess ya’ do. Just never met anyone else who speaks it.
1NN1T:
Guess not many Terrians in these parts?
TECHNO:
One way to put it.
1NN1T:
It’s been so long since I’ve seen any humans. My crew- they were all fuckin- amazing, obviously, but none of them were human, y’know?
TECHNO:
I- guess so.
1NN1T:
What, don’t you have a plethora of piglins in your space pirate empire?
TECHNO:
Nah. Just me.
1NN1T:
What? I swear last time I ran into the Artic Empire they had like- a fuck ton of piglins roamin’ those halls.
TECHNO:
Ignorin’ the fact that you’ve been on the most infamous pirate fleet in the entire galaxy ever, how long has it been since you crashed for you to even remember that?
1NN1T:
Probably like- twenty one ish rotations stranded. Last date I saw before I crashed was 35 262, and nine sun rotations in Galaxy Essempei.
TECHNO:
It’s- We’re 35 273, Tommy. It’s been eleven years.
1NN1T:
W-what? (NERVOUS LAUGHTER) What’re you talking about?
TECHNO:
I think you were there for much longer than you think.
1NN1T:
There’s no fucking way. I was keeping track!
TECHNO:
Were you?
1NN1T:
Yes- No- well, but not enough to miss nine fucking years!
TECHNO:
But you did.
1NN1T:
Prove it.
TECHNO:
It’s right here, Tommy. Look.
[TAPPING on a screen.]
1NN1T:
What- Is this a sick prank, Techno? It’s not fuckin’ funny!
TECHNO:
It’s not a prank. I barely even know you, why the heck would I prank you?
1NN1T:
I dunno! You’re- you’re Technoblade, you like- murder people n’ shit!
TECHNO:
Bad people. And I met you yesterday.
1NN1T:
You’re still evil! You could be- I dunno, sent by the government!
TECHNO:
I’m actively runnin’ from the government, actually.
1NN1T:
There’s not fucking way. There’s no way I just…
1NN1T:
I just missed eleven years of my life?
TECHNO:
…Yeah.
1NN1T:
How…?
TECHNO:
I don’t know. I’m sorry, kid.
1NN1T:
What-
[A BROKEN LAUGH. It sounds like someone is CRYING.]
1NN1T:
What’re you even apologizing for? Not like you fucking- stranded me in the middle of nowhere in deep space.
TECHNO:
Yeah, well.
1NN1T:
Tell me about it, then.
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
The last eleven years, dickhead. Tell me about them.
[A SNORT.]
TECHNO:
Well to start, Freferia exploded…
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 2 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
TECHNO:
Oh. Okay.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Nothin’. So what were you even doing on my fleet?
1NN1T:
I dunno! We just- ended up there.
TECHNO:
Most people don’t just end up in the Arctic Empire, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Most people aren’t poggers like me.
TECHNO:
Poggers? Is that a synonym for stupid?
1NN1T:
No, it means awesome- Ohhhh, you’re being fucking sarcastic, I hate you.
TECHNO:
Ha.
1NN1T:
It was on a dare, technically. Purpled made a bet that I couldn’t fly through this debris cloud without breaking something, and even though Tubbo was gonna have our fuckin’ heads if we broke the shields again, what was I gonna do, say no?
TECHNO:
Yeah.
1NN1T:
Fuck no! I did it. And we survived, by the way.
TECHNO:
Whose Purpled and Tubbo?
1NN1T:
They’re my crew. Tubbo’s our mechanic, and Purpled’s the navigator.
TECHNO:
That’s it?
1NN1T:
We’re not the fuckin’ Empire, Techno. We don’t need hundreds of people, three is fine.
TECHNO:
So what happened to the shields?
1NN1T:
I don’t like talking about it.
TECHNO:
That's how you got on board? Because you lost a bet?
1NN1T:
And Tubbo’s unparalleled genius hacking your weak ass systems. He’s fuckin’ scary when you’re not on his side.
TECHNO:
You know much about that?
1NN1T:
Oh, he hates my guts. We’re also best friends and I’d kill the sun for him, though. Purpled too. He always acts all lonely and like he doesn’t care but I’ve seen that fucker when he gets drugged. Moping all over the place about how we’re his only friends in the whole galaxy-
TECHNO:
Why’re you gettin’ drugged?
1NN1T:
Purpled’s a bounty hunter. He gets into all sorts of shit, really. We all do.
TECHNO:
How old is he? Purpled.
1NN1T:
I dunno. Couple hundred years, I think? He’s Blydarin, though.
TECHNO:
Bruh. You’re all children?
1NN1T:
No we’re fuckin’ not, Techno! Are you admitting you got hacked by a child?
TECHNO:
Apparently!
1NN1T:
Loser.
TECHNO:
D’you not have any adult supervision?
1NN1T:
For what? We’re fine.
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
Most adults suck ass, anyway. It’s like you become old and suddenly you’re just fuckin’- evil, or some shit.
TECHNO:
You’re talkin’ to an adult right now, you know that?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. But you’re different.
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Yeah. Purpled would love you. Or try to stab you. Which means he sees you as a threat, which kinda means he finds you cool.
TECHNO:
Sounds like an interestin’ guy.
1NN1T:
Yeah. You should meet him. Tubbo, too.
TECHNO:
When I retire, maybe.
1NN1T:
…Why not now?
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
Why not now?
TECHNO:
No- I heard you the first time. We’re in deep space, Tommy. You can’t even see the next galaxy from here.
1NN1T:
Not now now, Blade. Like- when we land.
TECHNO:
On Rhythea?
1NN1T:
Yeah- well. No. Why don’t we just… go to them?
TECHNO:
Heh?
1NN1T:
Why don’t we go to them? Are you fuckin’ deaf?
TECHNO:
Gonna ignore that. We can’t contact them. I’ll be compromised.
1NN1T:
How?
TECHNO:
Well- I’d have to go online entirely, meaning I’ll be on the radars and then-
1NN1T:
Fine, fine. We land on Rhythea, gently borrow a transmitter from someone-
TECHNO:
Just say steal.
1NN1T:
Gently borrow. Then just send ‘em a message.
TECHNO:
You remember your transmitter number off the top of your head?
1NN1T:
Duh. Don’t you?
TECHNO:
Yeah, just didn’t expect it from you.
1NN1T:
Asshole.
TECHNO:
Hey, just throwin’ this out there, what if they got a new ship?
1NN1T:
They would never. We’ve had Clara since we escaped together. I think we'd all rather die than replace her.
TECHNO:
What if they did?
1NN1T:
No they fuckin’ didn’t, Techno, I said-
TECHNO:
Died.
1NN1T:
It's been twenty five revolutions, not rotations. Both Purpled and Tubbo will both outlive me by centuries species wise anyway, so if I’m alive, so are they.
TECHNO:
Didn’t ya say you’re bounty hunters?
1NN1T:
Yeah, not shitty ones.
TECHNO:
You got yourself stranded, though.
1NN1T:
Just- stop talking, Techno. They’re alive, okay? I fucking know it.
TECHNO:
...
1NN1T:
You’ll see. When we get a transmitter and they’ll respond, you’ll fuckin’ see.
TECHNO:
Fine.
1NN1T:
So we’ll go?
TECHNO:
Yeah, kid. Let's go.
1NN1T:
I’m not a fucking kid-
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 2 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[TRANSMISSION 1-52]
TECHNO:
Hey Niki. It’s been- a day. A hell of a day, actually.
TECHNO:
Sorry ‘bout the whisperin’. Got a kid.
TECHNO:
That sounds like I kidnapped him. I didn’t kidnap him, by the way. If anythin’, he kidnapped me.
TECHNO:
Point bein’, he contacted my ship from a deserted planet in a dead zone. Pretty sure that means my comms are compromised, so. Do watcha’ want with that.
TECHNO:
He says he’s terrain- human. I don’t know what he is. Well- other than sleepin’, right now.
TECHNO:
Niki, he was stranded for… [CHAIR CREAKS] a long time. A really long time.
TECHNO:
It’s been eleven years, he’s out there all alone. On a planet, by himself.
TECHNO:
Can you imagine? Being stranded for that long. Not knowin’ if you were gonna make it out, or how much- everything has changed.
TECHNO:
How much of it was my fault.
TECHNO:
He has- had- a crew, too. I dunno. Eleven years is a long time.
TECHNO:
You should be here instead, Niki. You and Phil. You guys were always better with these sorta things.
TECHNO:
…Anyway. I’m gonna try to hit the hay, now. See ya later.
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[TRANSMISSION 1-52]
TECHNO:
Hey Niki. It’s been- a day. A hell of a day, actually.
TECHNO:
Sorry ‘bout the whisperin’. Got a kid.
TECHNO:
That sounds like I kidnapped him. I didn’t kidnap him, by the way. If anythin’, he kidnapped me.
TECHNO:
Point bein’, he contacted my ship from a deserted planet in a dead zone. Pretty sure that means my comms are compromised, so. Do watcha’ want with that.
TECHNO:
He says he’s terrain- human. I don’t know what he is. Well- other than sleepin’, right now.
TECHNO:
Niki, he was stranded for… [CHAIR CREAKS] a long time. A really long time.
TECHNO:
It’s been eleven years, he’s out there all alone. On a planet, by himself.
TECHNO:
Can you imagine? Being stranded for that long. Not knowin’ if you were gonna make it out, or how much- everything has changed.
TECHNO:
How much of it was my fault.
TECHNO:
He has- had- a crew, too. I dunno. Eleven years is a long time.
TECHNO:
You should be here instead, Niki. You and Phil. You guys were always better with these sorta things.
TECHNO:
…Anyway. I’m gonna try to hit the hay, now. See ya later.
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[TRANSMISSION 1-52]
TECHNO:
Hey Niki. It’s been- a day. A hell of a day, actually.
TECHNO:
Sorry ‘bout the whisperin’. Got a kid.
TECHNO:
That sounds like I kidnapped him. I didn’t kidnap him, by the way. If anythin’, he kidnapped me.
TECHNO:
Point bein’, he contacted my ship from a deserted planet in a dead zone. Pretty sure that means my comms are compromised, so. Do watcha’ want with that.
TECHNO:
He says he’s terrain- human. I don’t know what he is. Well- other than sleepin’, right now.
TECHNO:
Niki, he was stranded for… [CHAIR CREAKS] a long time. A really long time.
TECHNO:
It’s been eleven years, he’s out there all alone. On a planet, by himself.
TECHNO:
Can you imagine? Being stranded for that long. Not knowin’ if you were gonna make it out, or how much- everything has changed.
TECHNO:
How much of it was my fault.
TECHNO:
He has- had- a crew, too. I dunno. Eleven years is a long time.
TECHNO:
You should be here instead, Niki. You and Phil. You guys were always better with these sorta things.
TECHNO:
…Anyway. I’m gonna try to hit the hay, now. See ya later.
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 3]
1NN1T:
So… what now?
TECHNO:
Whaddya mean?
1NN1T:
I mean, where do we go now? I mean- I could just come with you.
TECHNO:
You’re not comin’ with me.
1NN1T:
Didn’t think so. Asshole. Hater. Dickhead.
TECHNO:
You’re not convincing towards your case at all, right now.
1NN1T:
So what? You drop me off at a random planet?
TECHNO:
The Arctic Empire isn’t really a place for kids, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Bullshit. I’ve been there before, it’s not that bad.
TECHNO:
I’m not even gonna question it.
1NN1T:
Cause of my utter genius.
TECHNO:
You got on the fleet entirely on your own? No outside help?
1NN1T:
Well. Some help.
TECHNO:
Uhuh.
1NN1T:
Okay, mostly help. Tubbo’s fuckin’ smart, okay? He hacked into your security system- they were shit, by the way-
TECHNO:
Yeah, eleven ago-
1NN1T:
They were shiiiit. Tubbo broke into them in five minutes.
TECHNO:
Are you just admittin’ to stealing from me at this point?
1NN1T:
No! Well. Maybe a little. I got a bagel from your breakroom.
TECHNO:
I’m putin’ that on your tab.
1NN1T:
What the fuck? What tab?
TECHNO:
The ‘saved your ass’ tab.
1NN1T:
Ugh. All you guys always going for profit these fucking days. No shame whatsoever. Can’t a guy just be saved for once?
TECHNO:
Nah. Whose Tubbo?
1NN1T:
Why? Are you gonna find him and kill him for breaking in?
TECHNO:
I have bigger problems than that.
1NN1T:
He’s my crewmate. And my best friend. And our engineer.
TECHNO:
Our?
1NN1T:
Yeah. Me, Purpled, Tubbo. My crew.
TECHNO:
Small crew.
1NN1T:
Fuck off, we don’t need nine million people. It’s a ship, not a space station. Purpled is our navigator and Tubbo is our mechanic and I’m the pilot. We figure it out.
TECHNO:
You’re the pilot? And you got exiled?
1NN1T:
The fuck you mean exiled?
TECHNO:
Exiled, stranded. Same thing.
1NN1T:
Not the same fucking thing! I wasn't exiled by my friends, Techno. Tubbo would never exile me.
TECHNO:
Uhuh.
1NN1T:
I bet you don’t even have friends.
TECHNO:
More than you.
1NN1T:
I bet you have one old man friend whose ancient and bones are crumbling and whose face is just as ugly as yours-
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah.
1NN1T:
My crew is the coolest fuckin’ group of people you’ve ever met or seen or heard of.
TECHNO:
Sure.
1NN1T:
I am sure. Very sure.
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
So.
TECHNO:
D’you always gotta talk? Like- do you never shut up?
1NN1T:
Thats fucking rude.
TECHNO:
I’ve gotten an entirety of maybe a minute of silence since you showed up. I’m goin’ crazy.
1NN1T:
Listen, between the two of us, I think you were crazy before I showed up, Techno.
TECHNO:
You’re like a sound machine. ‘xcept I can’t turn it off. And it just follows me around constantly.
1NN1T:
You barely even answer! What else am I supposed to do?
TECHNO:
I dunno! Read a book, maybe?
1NN1T:
Reading is for nerds.
TECHNO:
Readin’s for people who get stranded on a random planet because they probably didn’t even look at the ship manual for a pod they stole.
1NN1T:
So not me!
TECHNO:
You’re actually gonna be the death of me.
1NN1T:
Do I get your ship if you suspiciously pass away due to mysterious circumstances?
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
Man.
TECHNO:
Okay. Closest planets to here are…
TECHNO:
8-56BENCH, CAL-45-C, and Aviar. Rhythea is farther out. Any preferences?
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Preference. For which one.
1NN1T:
I- I don’t know any of those, what the fuck?
TECHNO:
Close your eyes and throw a dart, then. If you don’t choose it I will.
1NN1T:
Fine. I have a better idea.
TECHNO:
Do I wanna hear it?
1NN1T:
I’m gonna tell you anyway.
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
We just use your transmitter to contact them.
TECHNO:
The planets? They’re public, we don’t need to-
1NN1T:
No, my crew.
TECHNO:
Heh?
1NN1T:
Lemme contact my crew with your transmitter, and they can pick me up from- wherever you just said.
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
Why the fuck not?
TECHNO:
I don’t want to get traced and have the GSP on my tail for the next month.
1NN1T:
Okay, fine, we land on a planet and get a transmitter.
TECHNO:
Tommy, it’s been eleven years, kid.
1NN1T:
And? What's that supposed to mean?
TECHNO:
That they’re probably dead.
1NN1T:
Fuck off, don’t say things like that, Techno. They’re fine.
TECHNO:
Okay, hypothetically they’re fine. You think they have the same ship? Eleven years later?
1NN1T:
Of course! We’ve had that ship since we ran from base, they wouldn’t just fuckin’- get rid of it.
TECHNO:
Tommy. You gotta be realistic.
1NN1T:
I am being fucking realistic, Techno! Let me at least try!
TECHNO:
Not with my transmitter.
1NN1T:
Fine. Let's get another one, then.
TECHNO:
I’m not comin’ with you.
1NN1T:
You’re really gonna fucking leave me on a random planet? With nothing?
TECHNO:
I’m not in the business of babysitting, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Yeah, too busy being a dick.
TECHNO:
I could just drop you out of the airlock.
1NN1T:
You want that on your conscience?
TECHNO:
You know much ‘bout those?
1NN1T:
I know you’re being an asshole right now!
TECHNO:
Look, Tommy, I have a job to do, okay? Let me do my job. Picking you up already delayed me by days.
1NN1T:
I’m sooo fucking sorry my entire existence on an abandoned fucking planet is inconveniencing you, Technoblade.
TECHNO:
Aviar it is.
1NN1T:
You’re so fucking fustrating!
TECHNO:
I’m not gracin’ this with my attention.
1NN1T:
Fuck you!
[SOUND OF HEAVY FOOTSTEPS.]
[DOOR HISSING.]
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 3 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 4]
[DOOR HISSING]
TECHNO:
Tommy?
1NN1T:
I’m sorry.
TECHNO:
What?
1NN1T:
I was being- y’know. Argumentative. Earlier.
TECHNO:
Thought that was your base state.
1NN1T:
I’m trying to apologize, okay? Can you let me fucking do that, at least?
TECHNO:
Sure you’re not gonna mess that up, too?
1NN1T:
Y’know what? Fuck. you. I hope you die. I hope you crash somewhere miserable and get stuck there for twenty five million rotations and none of your communicators work and you have to watch ships fly across the sky with no way to tell them that you’re down there.
TECHNO:
Wow. I’m so hurt.
[JUMBLE OF CURSES: LANGUAGE: UNKNOWN. TRANSLATION FAILED.]
1NN1T:
I’m fucking leaving.
TECHNO:
Good luck with that.
[DOOR HISSING.]
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 4 RECORDING TERMINATED]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 5]
TECHNO:
Tommy.
[SNIFFLING.]
1NN1T:
What the fuck d’you want?
TECHNO:
Wha- Are you crying?
1NN1T:
I don’t cry. I’m a big man. And- it’s my fucking bunk anyway, I’ll do whatever I want!
TECHNO:
Uhuh.
1NN1T:
What d’you want anyway?
TECHNO:
Uh. We’re landin’ soon.
1NN1T:
So you want me to fuck off?
TECHNO:
You can’t use a transmitter on the ground. So.
1NN1T:
What's that supposed to mean?
TECHNO:
How the heck did you survive that long alone on a planet?
1NN1T:
Pure fucking skill. Stop being- all mysterious. Just spit it out.
TECHNO:
B1-45 is closer, and has more complex tech than Aviar. I need to stop there to get some stuff, so we get y’er transmitter from there and then I’ll drop you off at Aviar. You need to use the transmitter in space anyway, it won’t work on land.
1NN1T:
Oh.
TECHNO:
Yeah, oh.
1NN1T:
So… you’ll let me stay on until Aviar?
TECHNO:
Uhuh.
1NN1T:
Okay.
TECHNO:
Okay.
1NN1T:
You’re really fucking confusing, you know that?
TECHNO:
Thanks. It’s a specialty of mine. If you get any snot on my bedsheets, you’re cleaning them.
1NN1T:
Aaaand back to being an asshole. Fuck off, Techno.
TECHNO:
Nah. We’re landing in five.
1NN1T:
Okay. Okay. We can do this.
TECHNO:
We?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
Heh? No you’re not. You’re stayin’ on the ship.
1NN1T:
What? Why the fuck not? It’s the transmitter to contact my crew, I should be the one getting it!
TECHNO:
You’re too recognizable. Have you seen yourself?
1NN1T:
Yeah! I’m the epitome of stealth!
TECHNO:
You’re many things, and stealthy isn’t one of ‘em.
1NN1T:
Techno, I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
Go on.
1NN1T:
I just- I really fucking miss my friends, okay? It’s lonely, down there.
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
Techno?
TECHNO:
Yeah. I get it. Missin’ your friends, I mean.
1NN1T:
Really?
TECHNO:
Yeah. It’s lonely up here, too.
1NN1T:
Huh. Guess it is.
TECHNO:
There’s this planet. It’s called B1-45. Closer than the other three.
1NN1T:
You’re really just gonna dump me? Right now?
TECHNO:
No, there’s- it’s a tech planet, alright? We can get your transmitter from there.
1NN1T:
Thought transmitters were common. Why can’t we just get one from Aviar?
TECHNO:
There’s no we in this process, first of all. Second of all, we need to go into space for the transmitters to work properly anyway, and, y’know.
1NN1T:
I don’t have a space ship.
TECHNO:
Well, yeah.
1NN1T:
So… B21-45-
TECHNO:
It’s B1-
1NN1T:
Same thing, first tech planet and then Aviar?
TECHNO:
Yeah. You can get a ride to and from most places in Aviar. You’ll be okay.
1NN1T:
You’re really just… okay with that? On your shoulders forever? Knowing if I die it’s your fault.
TECHNO:
I won’t know.
1NN1T:
Know what?
TECHNO:
If you die, or not. I won’t know.
1NN1T:
Oh.
TECHNO:
We’re landing soon.
1NN1T:
‘Kay.
[SILENCE.]
TECHNO:
Tommy? You okay?
1NN1T:
How’d you- How do you just live with that guilt? I mean- I won’t die, I’m a big man, just- how?
TECHNO:
It’s not my first time, kid.
1NN1T:
What’s that supposed to mean?
TECHNO:
Do anything enough, and you get used to it. Even if it’s abandoning strange people on a planet they’ve never been.
1NN1T:
Human. I’m a human.
TECHNO:
Yeah.
1NN1T:
Just- get used to it? Is it that easy?
TECHNO:
Never said it was easy. Just that it happens.
1NN1T:
Oh.
TECHNO:
Two minutes till we land, by the way.
1NN1T:
Okay. Okay. We can do this.
TECHNO:
We?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
Heh? No you’re not. You’re stayin’ on the ship.
1NN1T:
What? Why the fuck not? It’s the transmitter to contact my crew, I should be the one getting it.
TECHNO:
You’re too recognizable. Have you seen yourself?
1NN1T:
Yeah! I’m the epitome of stealth!
TECHNO:
You’re many things, and stealthy isn’t one of ‘em.
1NN1T:
Techno, I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
No, you're not.
1NN1T:
You’re not my dad, Techno!
TECHNO:
Thank the stars. I’d hate to be that guy. Listen, if I get recognized or chased or anythin’, and I get back and you’re not here, I’m leaving you on this planet on your own.
1NN1T:
Like you weren’t already gonna fuckin’ do that.
TECHNO:
I was gonna leave you on Aviar.
1NN1T:
Wow. What an incredible upgrade. Technoblade, my saviour.
TECHNO:
I’m leavin’. Don’t burn down my ship.
1NN1T:
Yeah, me and my lighter that I famously have.
[DOORS HISSING.]
1NN1T:
Right, well I’m gonna go follow him.
1NN1T:
It’s not a stupid idea! Incredibly intelligent, actually. Gotta make sure he’s getting the right transmitter and all that.
1NN1T:
‘Oh but Tommy, you barely know how a transmitter works’ thats what Tubbo would say. Jokes on him, I do know how a transmitter works. Cause I’m a genius.
1NN1T:
Okay. Okay. I got this.
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 4 RECORDING TERMINATED]
TECHNO:
No, you're not.
1NN1T:
You’re not my dad, Techno!
TECHNO:
Thank the stars. I’d hate to be that guy. Listen, if I get recognized or chased or anythin’, and I get back and you’re not here, I’m leaving you on this planet on your own.
1NN1T:
Like you weren’t already gonna fuckin’ do that.
TECHNO:
I was gonna leave you on Aviar.
1NN1T:
Wow. What an incredible upgrade. Technoblade, my saviour.
TECHNO:
I’m leavin’. Don’t burn down my ship.
1NN1T:
Yeah, me and my lighter that I famously have.
[DOORS HISSING.]
1NN1T:
Right, well I’m gonna go follow him.
1NN1T:
It’s not a stupid idea! Incredibly intelligent, actually. Gotta make sure he’s getting the right transmitter and all that.
1NN1T:
‘Oh but Tommy, you barely know how a transmitter works’ thats what Tubbo would say. Jokes on him, I do know how a transmitter works. Cause I’m a genius.
1NN1T:
Okay. Okay. I got this.
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 4 RECORDING TERMINATED]
TECHNO:
Ugh. Fine.
1NN1T:
Wait, really?
TECHNO:
You’re never gonna give it up, so.
1NN1T:
Fuck yeah!
TECHO:
Are you ready?
1NN1T:
Uh. Do I need a cloak like yours?
TECHNO:
Probably.
1NN1T:
So…
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
It’s not like I had a cloak lying around in my shipwreck I was keeping for this exact moment, Tech No Blade. Don’t you have a spare?
TECHNO:
Fine. Just take mine.
1NN1T:
What? I thought you said it was a steal mission, and like listen, I’m all for self-expression but I’m pretty sure the bright pink of- all of you, really stands out-
TECHNO:
Stars, Tommy, d’you ever stop talkin’?
1NN1T:
Nah.
TECHNO:
I have a spare, it’s fine. Just don’t get any of your kid-germs on it.
1NN1T:
I hope I bleed out all over this.
TECHNO:
If you bleed out I’m not patching you up.
1NN1T:
You’re a loser.
TECHNO:
And you’re a child. Hurry up.
1NN1T:
I am hurrying, fuck off-
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 4 RECORDING TERMINATED]
TECHNO:
No, you're not.
1NN1T:
You’re not my dad, Techno!
TECHNO:
Thank the stars. I’d hate to be that guy. Listen, if I get recognized or chased or anythin’, and I get back and you’re not here, I’m leaving you on this planet on your own.
1NN1T:
Like you weren’t already gonna fuckin’ do that.
TECHNO:
I was gonna leave you on Aviar.
1NN1T:
Wow. What an incredible upgrade. Technoblade, my saviour.
TECHNO:
I’m leavin’. Don’t burn down my ship.
1NN1T:
Yeah, me and my lighter that I famously have.
[DOORS HISSING.]
1NN1T:
Right, well I’m gonna go follow him.
1NN1T:
It’s not a stupid idea! Incredibly intelligent, actually. Gotta make sure he’s getting the right transmitter and all that.
1NN1T:
‘Oh but Tommy, you barely know how a transmitter works’ thats what Tubbo would say. Jokes on him, I do know how a transmitter works. Cause I’m a genius.
1NN1T:
Okay. Okay. I got this.
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 5 RECORDING TERMINATED]
TECHNO:
Ugh. Fine.
1NN1T:
Wait, really?
TECHNO:
You’re never gonna give it up, so.
1NN1T:
Fuck yeah!
TECHNO:
Are you ready?
1NN1T:
Uh. Do I need a cloak like yours?
TECHNO:
Probably.
1NN1T:
So…
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
It’s not like I had a cloak lying around in my shipwreck I was keeping for this exact moment, Tech No Blade. Don’t you have a spare?
TECHNO:
Fine. Just take mine.
1NN1T:
What? I thought you said it was a steal mission, and like listen, I’m all for self-expression but I’m pretty sure the bright pink of- all of you, really stands out-
TECHNO:
Stars, Tommy, d’you ever stop talkin’?
1NN1T:
Nah.
TECHNO:
I have a spare, it’s fine. Just don’t get any of your kid-germs on it.
1NN1T:
I hope I bleed out all over this.
TECHNO:
If you bleed out I’m not patching you up.
1NN1T:
You’re a loser.
TECHNO:
And you’re a child. Hurry up.
1NN1T:
I am hurrying, fuck off-
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 5 RECORDING TERMINATED]
[TARGET IDENTIFIED]
[RACE: PIGLIN.]
[TRACKING…]
[STREET CAM-472 : B1-45]
[PIGLIN and FIGURE 2 are walking down the street. FIGURE 2 stops at a stall. PIGLIN stops as well.]
[PIGLIN and FIGURE 2 keep walking.]
[PIGLIN stops at another stall. PIGLIN speaks to VENDOR. VENDOR recoils. PIGLIN holds something out in his hand.]
[Frantic shouting.]
FIGURE 2:
Hey- hey what is that?
PIGLIN:
I’m a little busy right now, tell me after.
FIGURE 2:
Uh. Don’t think this is an after thing.
PIGLIN:
D’you want your thing or not?
FIGURE 2:
I think I would rather have my life?!
[PIGLIN looks behind.]
PIGLIN:
Okay. Okay, just keep y’er head down, they’re probably not comin’ for us-
[B1-45 OFFICER 802 of REGION VIAS push through a crowd.]
OFFICER 802:
HEY YOU IN THE CLOAKS!
FIGURE 2:
Call me crazy, I think we’re just a little too late for that!
[PIGLIN grabs FIGURE 2’s arm and begins to run. FIGURE 2 pulls back.]
PIGLIN:
C’mon, I don’t have time for your nonsense, Tommy-
FIGURE 2
Just- hold on!
[FIGURE 2 snatches something from the table. VENDOR begins to yell, shaking a fist.]
VENDOR:
You have to pay for that!
FIGURE 2:
Now let's go.
PIGLIN:
Wow, theft. I can’t wait to add that to my list of crimes they want to jail me for.
FIGURE 2:
You’ve definitely stolen before.
PIGLIN:
Nah.
FIGURE 2:
I don’t believe you.
PIGLIN:
Wow, that’s crazy. My life is over now.
FIGURE 2:
I hate you.
PIGLIN:
Get off my ship then.
FIGURE 2:
Not that much yet.
PIGLIN:
Ha.
[B1-45 OFFICER 712 of REGION VIAS joins the chase, cutting PIGLIN and FIGURE 2. PIGLIN pulls FIGURE 2 into an alleyway.]
PIGLIN:
Hide here.
FIGURE 2:
How the hell d’you know everything?
PIGLIN:
Skill.
FIGURE 2:
You studied the market, didn’t you-
PIGLIN:
Yeah, obviously-
OFFICER 802:
They’re here!
PIGLIN:
Go!
[OFFICER 712 pulls something out of their coat.]
FIGURE 2:
Duck!
[PIGLIN ducks. A flash of purple hits the wall in front of PIGLIN.]
[The wall is burnt.]
PIGLIN:
Good call.
FIGURE 2:
Y’know what’d be a better call? Not getting shot at.
PIGLIN:
Part of the job.
FIGURE 2:
I didn’t sign up for this?!
PIGLIN:
Shoulda stayed on the ship.
FIGURE 2:
Shoulda not gotten recognized.
PIGLIN:
Hey. C’mere.
FIGURE 2:
What- that way better though.
PIGLIN:
Stop askin’ questions, c’mon.
[STREET CAM-492 : B1-45]
PIGLIN:
We should be okay here.
[Clamouring. OFFICER 802 appears.
FIGURE 2:
How the fuck do they keep finding us?
PIGLIN:
The street cameras. Ugh, this is so much more exhaustin' than it should’ve been.
FIGURE 2:
I-
PIGLIN:
Shush.
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[STREET CAM-793 : B1-45]
PIGLIN:
Camera. This way.
FIGURE 2:
Fuck!
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[SIGNAL LOST.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 5]
1NN1T:
WE MADE IT!
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah, don’t start celebrating yet. We need to get off the planet.
1NN1T:
They wouldn’t shoot us off planet.
TECHNO:
Eeeh. If they think I am who I am, they probably would.
1NN1T:
D’you think they know who you think that you are- fuck. You get it.
TECHNO:
Ha. I doubt it, though. We just need to get that transmitter running.
1NN1T:
Right, so you do that and I steer the ship?
TECHNO:
Not a chance. I’ll boot it up in a bit.
1NN1T:
Why not? Like- really.
TECHNO:
I don’t wanna end up stranded like someone else I know.
1NN1T:
Low blow. I used to pilot, I could totally drive this ship.
TECHNO:
Yeah, look where it got you?
1NN1T:
…
TECHNO:
Sorry. It’s just gonna take a second then I’ll put it on auto-pilot and I’ll mod the transmitter.
1NN1T:
Ugh. I gotta wait?
TECHNO:
Oh no, patience. Your greatest adversary.
1NN1T:
You take so long!
TECHNO:
I’m gonna take longer now. Just for you.
1NN1T:
Ugh.
1NN1T:
Are you done?
TECHNO:
Wow. Made it two whole minutes in silence. Must be a new record.
1NN1T:
You’re so passive aggressive. How about now?
TECHNO:
Ever heard of waitin’?
1NN1T:
Stars forbid I’m excited to hear my friends voices for the first time in fuckin’ ages! C’mon, Techno, hurry up.
TECHNO:
This isn’t a voice transmitter, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Huh?
TECHNO:
It’s just location-based. It doesn’t transmit voices.
1NN1T:
Why the fuck not? Transmitters do both, don’t they?
TECHNO:
Most do. Not this one though.
1NN1T:
Why’d you steal a shitty transmitter?
TECHNO:
First of all, you stole it. Don’t blame me, I was gonna pay for it.
1NN1T:
I’m calling bullshit.
TECHNO:
But also, this one's got a longer search reach. And also doesn’t send transmissions back, meanin’-
1NN1T:
You’re untraceable. That fucking sucks.
TECHNO:
You’ll see them soon, anyway. Just be patient.
1NN1T:
So where are they?
TECHNO:
Huh.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
They’re not movin’, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Whaddya mean?
TECHNO:
What it sounds like. The ship’s in space, but it’s not moving.
1NN1T:
So? We’re not moving right now, but we’re in space. That makes no fucking sense, Techno.
TECHNO:
It’s been at least a month that it hasn’t moved. The transmitter would’ve picked up any previous movement, or at least had a path. Look. There’s nothing here.
1NN1T:
So… they’re stationary. That’s still fine. We can still go. What galaxy is it in?
TECHNO:
Yours.
1NN1T:
The Milky way?
TECHNO:
No, the one you were stranded in. They’re an hour away from Tirani-A6, tops.
1NN1T:
Holy shit. They were looking for me.
TECHNO:
Maybe.
1NN1T:
Techno, we gotta go see them.
TECHNO:
It’s a seven day trip there, Tommy.
1NN1T:
And? I’ve waited like- forever! What difference does that make?
TECHNO:
To go there and come back is a fourteen day detour. I can’t waste more time.
1NN1T:
But- it’s a deadzone. Ataxi. There’s barely any transmissions, nothing in Aviar’s gonna take me there.
TECHNO:
I know.
1NN1T:
What the fuck? Then how the hell am I gonna get to them?
TECHNO:
I don’t know.
1NN1T:
I don’t know either! Techno. You can’t leave me.
TECHNO:
I can. I will. They’re stationary.
1NN1T:
I don’t fucking get it! How is that important? So what if they’re stationary?
TECHNO:
No one's stationary ‘cept the stranded, Tommy. And it’s a deadzone; there’s nothing there.
1NN1T:
They could’ve still survived. I survived.
TECHNO:
I only got a transmission from you.
1NN1T:
The fuck is that supposed to mean?
TECHNO:
Stars, are you stupid or what? There’s no one on that ship to send a signal, Tommy. Either they’re dead, or…
1NN1T:
They’re not dead.
TECHNO:
Or worse, then. Choose your pick.
1NN1T:
I’m still gonna go.
TECHNO:
Good luck with that. I’m not taking you.
1NN1T:
Fine. Fine.
1NN1T:
So where are they?
TECHNO:
Doesn’t matter. We’re going to Aviar.
1NN1T:
What the fuck? Of course it matters. How am I gonna get to them if you won’t tell me where the fuck they are?
TECHNO:
I’ll tell you when we get to Aviar.
1NN1T:
What’s wrong.
TECHNO:
Nothin’s wrong.
1NN1T:
Then tell me where my friends are, Techno!
TECHNO:
I can’t.
1NN1T:
Yeah you fucking can! You can read it right now!
TECHNO:
So you can gnaw my head off for the next six hours til we get to Aviar? No thanks.
1NN1T:
Why the fuck are you being an asshole, Techno? You said you’d tell me!
TECHNO:
I didn’t say that.
1NN1T:
So why would you help me get it? Go through all this trouble to set it up and stop at a different planet and all this shit- C’mon, Techno!
TECHNO:
If I tell you, will you shut up and leave me alone?
1NN1T:
I want nothing more.
TECHNO:
Fine. They’re in Ataxi.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
I said, they’re in Nebula Ataxi.
1NN1T:
I fucking heard you, I mean- that can’t be right.
TECHNO:
I’m not readin’ this wrong, so.
1NN1T:
Holy shit. They were looking for me.
TECHNO:
I dunno if anyone would really put in the time to look for you.
1NN1T:
You really fucking suck, you know that?
TECHNO:
So you’ve said. Too bad my self worth isn’t based on a kid who got himself stranded forever.
1NN1T:
Fuck you, Techno. I can’t wait to get off your shitty ship.
TECHNO:
That makes two of us.
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
Wait.
TECHNO:
There he goes again.
1NN1T:
Wait- why didn’t you wanna show me, then?
TECHNO:
Cause I’m an asshole, like you said.
1NN1T:
Hardy har. For real.
TECHNO:
Use your deduction skills for this one, Tommy. I believe in you.
1NN1T:
Oh stars. Nook galaxy is a deadzone. Fuck.
TECHNO:
Yup.
1NN1T:
How the fuck am I gonna get there?
TECHNO:
I dunno. Wait by the dock and beg some other guy in deep space to come pick you up.
1NN1T:
I’m not taking my chances with that.
TECHNO:
Then find another chance to take. I’m dropping you off in a couple hours.
1NN1T:
Why can’t we just go back?
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
Why not?
TECHNO:
Cause I said so.
1NN1T:
That’s a shitty excuse.
TECHNO:
Convenient I don’t need to give you an excuse then. It’s my ship.
1NN1T:
You’re fucking selfish, you know that?
TECHNO:
Me? Selfish? I drive you across half the galaxy for a week and I’m selfish?
1NN1T:
Yeah!
TECHNO:
No, you’re entitled. I didn’t need to pick you up off your stupid stranded planet in the first place, anyway. I’m dropping you off at Aviar, and that’s it.
1NN1T:
Fine. Fuck you, Technoblade.
[TARGET IDENTIFIED]
[RACE: PIGLIN.]
[TRACKING…]
[STREET CAM-472 : B1-45]
[PIGLIN and FIGURE 2 are walking down the street. FIGURE 2 stops at a stall. PIGLIN stops as well.]
[PIGLIN and FIGURE 2 keep walking.]
[PIGLIN stops at another stall. PIGLIN speaks to VENDOR. VENDOR recoils. PIGLIN holds something out in his hand.]
[Frantic shouting.]
FIGURE 2:
Hey- hey what is that?
PIGLIN:
I’m a little busy right now, tell me after.
FIGURE 2:
Uh. Don’t think this is an after thing.
PIGLIN:
D’you want your thing or not?
FIGURE 2:
I think I would rather have my life?!
[PIGLIN looks behind.]
PIGLIN:
Okay. Okay, just keep y’er head down, they’re probably not comin’ for us-
[B1-45 OFFICER 802 of REGION VIAS push through a crowd.]
OFFICER 802:
HEY YOU IN THE CLOAKS!
FIGURE 2:
Call me crazy, I think we’re just a little too late for that!
[PIGLIN grabs FIGURE 2’s arm and begins to run. FIGURE 2 pulls back.]
PIGLIN:
C’mon, I don’t have time for your nonsense, Tommy-
FIGURE 2:
Just- hold on!
[FIGURE 2 snatches something from the table. VENDOR begins to yell, shaking a fist.]
VENDOR:
You have to pay for that!
FIGURE 2:
Now let's go.
PIGLIN:
Wow, theft. I can’t wait to add that to my list of crimes they want to jail me for.
FIGURE 2:
You’ve definitely stolen before.
PIGLIN:
Nah.
FIGURE 2:
I don’t believe you.
PIGLIN:
Wow, that’s crazy. My life is over now.
FIGURE 2:
I hate you.
PIGLIN:
Get off my ship then.
FIGURE 2:
Not that much yet.
PIGLIN:
Ha.
[B1-45 OFFICER 712 of REGION VIAS joins the chase, cutting PIGLIN and FIGURE 2. PIGLIN pulls FIGURE 2 into an alleyway.]
PIGLIN:
Hide here.
FIGURE 2:
How the hell d’you know everything?
PIGLIN:
Skill.
FIGURE 2:
You studied the market, didn’t you-
PIGLIN:
Yeah, obviously-
OFFICER 802:
They’re here!
PIGLIN:
Go!
[OFFICER 712 pulls something out of their coat.]
FIGURE 2:
Duck!
[PIGLIN ducks. A flash of purple hits the wall in front of PIGLIN.]
[The wall is burnt.]
PIGLIN:
Good call.
FIGURE 2:
Y’know what’d be a better call? Not getting shot at.
PIGLIN:
Part of the job.
FIGURE 2:
I didn’t sign up for this?!
PIGLIN:
Shoulda stayed on the ship.
FIGURE 2:
Shoulda not gotten recognized.
PIGLIN:
Hey. C’mere.
FIGURE 2:
What- that way better though.
PIGLIN:
Stop askin’ questions, c’mon.
[STREET CAM-492 : B1-45]
PIGLIN:
We should be okay here.
[Clamouring. OFFICER 802 appears.
FIGURE 1:
How the fuck do they keep finding us?
PIGLIN:
The street cameras. Ugh, this is so much more exhaustin' than it should’ve been.
FIGURE 1:
I-
PIGLIN:
Shush.
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[STREET CAM-793 : B1-45]
PIGLIN:
Camera. This way.
FIGURE 1:
Fuck!
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[SIGNAL LOST.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 6]
1NN1T:
WE MADE IT!
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah, don’t start celebrating yet. We need to get off the planet.
1NN1T:
They wouldn’t shoot us off planet.
TECHNO:
Eeeh. If they think I am who I am, they probably would.
1NN1T:
D’you think they know who you think that you are- fuck. You get it.
TECHNO:
Ha. I doubt it, though. We just need to get that transmitter running.
1NN1T:
Right, so you do that and I steer the ship?
TECHNO:
Not a chance. I’ll boot it up in a bit.
1NN1T:
Why not? Like- really.
TECHNO:
I don’t wanna end up stranded like someone else I know.
1NN1T:
Low blow. I used to pilot, I could totally drive this ship.
TECHNO:
Yeah, look where it got you?
1NN1T:
…
TECHNO:
Sorry. It’s just gonna take a second then I’ll put it on auto-pilot and I’ll mod the transmitter.
1NN1T:
Ugh. I gotta wait?
TECHNO:
Oh no, patience. Your greatest adversary.
1NN1T:
You take so long!
TECHNO:
I’m gonna take longer now. Just for you.
1NN1T:
Ugh.
1NN1T:
Are you done?
TECHNO:
Wow. Made it two whole minutes in silence. Must be a new record.
1NN1T:
You’re so passive aggressive. How about now?
TECHNO:
Ever heard of waitin’?
1NN1T:
Stars forbid I’m excited to hear my friends voices for the first time in fuckin’ ages! C’mon, Techno, hurry up.
TECHNO:
This isn’t a voice transmitter, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Huh?
TECHNO:
It’s just location-based. It doesn’t transmit voices.
1NN1T:
Why the fuck not? Transmitters do both, don’t they?
TECHNO:
Most do. Not this one though.
1NN1T:
Why’d you steal a shitty transmitter?
TECHNO:
First of all, you stole it. Don’t blame me, I was gonna pay for it.
1NN1T:
I’m calling bullshit.
TECHNO:
But also, this one's got a longer search reach. And also doesn’t send transmissions back, meanin’-
1NN1T:
You’re untraceable. That fucking sucks.
TECHNO:
You’ll see them soon, anyway. Just be patient.
1NN1T:
So where are they?
TECHNO:
Huh.
1NN1T:
What?
[STREET CAM-472 : B1-45]
[FIGURE 1 with a cloak over their face walks in a crowd. FIGURE 1 stops at a stall.
[FIGURE 1 speaks to the vendor. VENDOR recoils. FIGURE 1 holds something out in his hand.]
[FIGURE 2 runs into FIGURE 1.]
FIGURE 1:
What the hell-
FIGURE 2:
Techno, I messed up, I messed up, help-
FIGURE 1:
Oh my stars.
[Shouting. B1-45 OFFICER 712 of REGION VIAS and B1-45 OFFICER 802 of REGION VIAS push through a crowd. FIGURE 2 shakes FIGURE 1.]
FIGURE 2:
Techno, Techno-
FIGURE 1:
What the hell d’you want me to do? I don’t have any weapons!
FIGURE 2:
Whadd’ya mean you don’t have any weapons, you’re-
[FIGURE 1 covers FIGURE 2’s mouth.]
FIGURE 1:
Just shut up. They’ll pass us.
FIGURE 2:
Hnnrgh?
FIGURE 1:
Shush.
VENDOR:
OFFICERS!
FIGUE 2:
Oh fuck.
[FIGURE 1 sighs.]
FIGURE 2:
So…?
FIGURE 1:
Right. So now we do the only thing we can.
FIGURE 2:
Fight.
FIGURE 1:
Run.
[FIGURE 1 and FIGURE 2 begin running through the crowd. OFFICER 712 and OFFICER 802 give chase.]
[STREET CAM-485 : B1-45]
[FIGURE 1 and FIGURE 2 are running. OFFICER 802 takes out an object from his coat and points it at FIGURE 2.]
FIGURE 1:
Duck!
[FIGURE 2 ducks. A flash of purple hits the wall in front of FIGURE 2.]
[The wall is burnt.]
FIGURE 2:
Holy shit.
FIGURE 1:
Keep movin’!
FIGURE 2:
I am!
FIGURE 1:
Down this way.
FIGURE 2:
Did you get the transmitter?
FIGURE 1:
No.
FIGURE 2:
What?!
FIGURE 1:
I would’ve if someone hadn’t just ran into me with two officers on their tail!
FIGURE 2:
I thought you were- y’know! You could take two officers!
FIGURE 1:
What part of stealth mission didn’t you get?!
[OFFICER 712 takes out an object from his coat.]
FIGURE 1:
Oh, fuck.
FIGURE 2:
What? What happen-
[OFFICER 712 fires. FIGURE 2 chokes on a breath.]
FIGURE 1:
Shit!
FIGURE 2:
Keep runnin’!
FIGURE 1:
But you’re injured, we gotta-
FIGURE 2:
Tommy, I swear on every star in the next three galaxies if you don’t start running with some real urgency right ‘bout now, I’m going to kill you.
[FIGURE 1 laughs nervously.]
FIGURE 1:
Can’t do that if you’re dead…?
FIGURE 2:
I’ll figure it out. This way.
STREET CAM-492 : B1-45]
FIGURE 2:
We should be okay here.
[Clamouring. OFFICER 802 appears.]
FIGURE 1:
How the fuck do they keep finding us?
FIGURE 2:
The street cameras. Ugh, this is so much more exhaustin' than it should’ve been.
FIGURE 1:
I-
FIGURE 2:
Don’t even say anything right now. We’ll talk about it on the ship.
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[STREET CAM-793 : B1-45]
FIGURE 2:
Camera. This way.
FIGURE 1:
Fuck!
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[SIGNAL LOST.]
1NN1T:
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck-
TECHNO:
We’re fine. Just- stop talkin’, now.
1NN1T:
We should clean that.
TECHNO:
It’s fine. I need a nap.
1NN1T:
You’re not supposed to pass out when you get shot Techno, you’re gonna die-
TECHNO:
I said I’m fine.
1NN1T:
You’re not!
TECHNO:
I’m a piglin, Tommy. I just need to sleep. I’ll regenerate.
1NN1T:
I dunno if that’s how that works.
TECHNO:
Too bad that I know. Just leave me alone.
1NN1T:
While you bleed out and die?
TECHNO:
‘s not like you’d be much help even if I did.
1NN1T:
What the fuck Techno-
TECHNO:
I told you to stay on the ship, didn’t I?
1NN1T:
You said if I wasn’t there when you took off that you wouldn’t wait for me.
TECHNO:
Stars. Actually I’d rather just die right now.
1NN1T:
Hey, it’s not that bad-
TECHNO:
It’s pretty bad.
1NN1T:
…Yeah.
TECHNO:
Yeah. So Aviar it is.
1NN1T: v
What? But we have to- the transmitter.
[A SNORT.]
TECHNO:
You really think we’re going back for a transmitter? After that? Stars no.
1NN1T:
What? How am I gonna find them then?
TECHNO:
I dunno, it’s not my problem.
1NN1T:
But you said you would help!
TECHNO:
And then you ran out the ship!
1NN1T:
Cause you wouldn’t take me!
TECHNO:
Because I knew somethin’ like this would happen!
1NN1T:
There’s no way you could’ve fucking known that for sure, you just always assume the worst of me-!
TECHNO:
It’s not an assumption if you’ve done it before, is it?
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Nevermind. Just forget it.
1NN1T:
No! If you wanna be an asshole, spit it out already.
TECHNO:
Fine! You crashed ‘cause you didn’t listen to your crew, alright? Just like today. You don’t. Listen.
1NN1T:
That’s not fucking true-
TECHNO:
You’re doin’ it right now! You don’t listen! Ever! It’s exhaustin’!
1NN1T:
v It was an accident.
TECHNO:
No. It wasn’t an accident. Leavin’ the ship when I explicitly tell you to stay put, isn’t an accident. Going on a joyride in a pod that leaves you stranded on a planet for eleven rotations isn’t an accident, Tommy.
TECHNO:
Spillin’ a cup of water is an accident.
1NN1T:
So you’re gonna leave me in Aviar? That’s it?
TECHNO:
Yeah. I will.
1NN1T:
Fine. Fine. Fuck you, Technoblade.
TECHNO:
You did this to yourself.
1NN1T:
Fuck. You.
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 6 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[STREET CAM-472 : B1-45]
[FIGURE 1 with a cloak over their face walks in a crowd. FIGURE 1 stops at a stall.
[FIGURE 1 speaks to the vendor. VENDOR recoils. FIGURE 1 holds something out in his hand.]
[FIGURE 2 runs into FIGURE 1.]
FIGURE 1:
What the hell-
FIGURE 2:
Techno, I messed up, I messed up, help-
FIGURE 1:
Oh my stars.
[Shouting. B1-45 OFFICER 712 of REGION VIAS and B1-45 OFFICER 802 of REGION VIAS push through a crowd. FIGURE 2 shakes FIGURE 1.]
FIGURE 2:
Techno, Techno-
FIGURE 1:
What the hell d’you want me to do? I don’t have any weapons!
FIGURE 2:
Whadd’ya mean you don’t have any weapons, you’re-
[FIGURE 1 covers FIGURE 2’s mouth.]
FIGURE 1:
Just shut up. They’ll pass us.
FIGURE 2:
Hnnrgh?
FIGURE 1:
Shush.
VENDOR:
OFFICERS!
FIGUE 2:
Oh fuck.
[FIGURE 1 sighs.]
FIGURE 2:
So…?
FIGURE 1:
Right. So now we do the only thing we can.
FIGURE 2:
Fight.
FIGURE 1:
Run.
[FIGURE 1 and FIGURE 2 begin running through the crowd. OFFICER 712 and OFFICER 802 give chase.]
[STREET CAM-485 : B1-45]
[FIGURE 1 and FIGURE 2 are running. OFFICER 802 takes out an object from his coat and points it at FIGURE 2.]
FIGURE 1:
Duck!
[FIGURE 2 ducks. A flash of purple hits the wall in front of FIGURE 2.]
[The wall is burnt.]
FIGURE 2:
Holy shit.
FIGURE 1:
Keep movin’!
FIGURE 2:
I am!
FIGURE 1:
Down this way.
FIGURE 2:
Did you get the transmitter?
FIGURE 1:
No.
FIGURE 2:
What?!
FIGURE 1:
I would’ve if someone hadn’t just ran into me with two officers on their tail!
FIGURE 2:
I thought you were- y’know! You could take two officers!
FIGURE 1:
What part of stealth mission didn’t you get?!
[OFFICER 712 takes out an object from his coat.]
FIGURE 1:
Oh, fuck.
FIGURE 2:
What? What happen-
[OFFICER 712 fires. FIGURE 2 chokes on a breath.]
FIGURE 1:
Shit!
FIGURE 2:
Keep runnin’!
FIGURE 1:
But you’re injured, we gotta-
FIGURE 2:
Tommy, I swear on every star in the next three galaxies if you don’t start running with some real urgency right ‘bout now, I’m going to kill you.
[FIGURE 1 laughs nervously.]
FIGURE 1:
Can’t do that if you’re dead…?
FIGURE 2:
I’ll figure it out. This way.
STREET CAM-492 : B1-45]
FIGURE 2:
We should be okay here.
[Clamouring. OFFICER 802 appears.]
FIGURE 1:
How the fuck do they keep finding us?
FIGURE 2:
The street cameras. Ugh, this is so much more exhaustin' than it should’ve been.
FIGURE 1:
I-
FIGURE 2:
Don’t even say anything right now. We’ll talk about it on the ship.
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[STREET CAM-793 : B1-45]
FIGURE 2:
Camera. This way.
FIGURE 1:
Fuck!
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[SIGNAL LOST.]
1NN1T:
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck-
TECHNO:
We’re fine. Just- stop talkin’, now.
1NN1T:
We should clean that.
TECHNO:
It’s fine. I need a nap.
1NN1T:
You’re not supposed to pass out when you get shot Techno, you’re gonna die-
TECHNO:
I said I’m fine.
1NN1T:
You’re not!
TECHNO:
I’m a piglin, Tommy. I just need to sleep. I’ll regenerate.
1NN1T:
I dunno if that’s how that works.
TECHNO:
Too bad that I know. Just leave me alone.
1NN1T:
While you bleed out and die?
TECHNO:
‘s not like you’d be much help even if I did.
1NN1T:
What the fuck Techno-
TECHNO:
I told you to stay on the ship, didn’t I?
1NN1T:
You said if I wasn’t there when you took off that you wouldn’t wait for me.
TECHNO:
Stars. Actually I’d rather just die right now.
1NN1T:
Hey, it’s not that bad-
TECHNO:
It’s pretty bad.
1NN1T:
…Yeah.
TECHNO:
Yeah. So Aviar it is.
1NN1T:
What? But we have to- the transmitter.
[A SNORT.]
TECHNO:
You really think we’re going back for a transmitter? After that? Stars no.
1NN1T:
What? How am I gonna find them then?
TECHNO:
I dunno, it’s not my problem.
1NN1T:
But you said you would help!
TECHNO:
And then you ran out the ship!
1NN1T:
Cause you wouldn’t take me!
TECHNO:
Because I knew somethin’ like this would happen!
1NN1T:
There’s no way you could’ve fucking known that for sure, you just always assume the worst of me-!
TECHNO:
It’s not an assumption if you’ve done it before, is it?
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
How’d you get on that abandoned planet?
1NN1T:
That was an accident.
TECHNO:
Like this was an accident? You don’t accidentally board off a ship when I tell you to stay on.
1NN1T:
That’s a low fucking blow, Technoblade. Like you’re any better.
TECHNO:
I am better.
[LAUGHTER.]
1NN1T:
No you’re fucking not. I saw the reports. Half your species is basically extinct and it’s your fault.v
TECHNO:
Where did you read that?
1NN1T:
Didn’t read it. You had a bunch of news recordings in your files. “Technoblade, renowned space pirate and co-leader of the Arctic Empire, targeted by the GSP resulting in the death of over nine million piglins in the Essempei region and Netherish Galaxy-”
TECHNO:
Stop.
1NN1T:
And its your fucking fault.
TECHNO:
It wasn’t supposed to be like that.
1NN1T:
At least my fuck ups only ever hurt me. You killed nine million people.
TECHNO:
Get outta my room.
1NN1T:
What-
TECHNO:
Now.
1NN1T:
What, can’t take the reality, Blade? That you’re responsible for it?
[BLASTER SHOT.]
TECHNO:
Next time, that’s gonna be in your face. Move.
[BUZZING.]
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 6 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
You stare at your ceiling.
An hour ago, you told Tommy that his crew is dead, and you won’t take him to see their corpses. It’s a mercy, you tell yourself.
You still can’t sleep. Not tonight.
It is tonight that your alarms go off. The ship is doused in red, the sirens are echoing in your ears. Dread runs through your blood.
UNKNOWN PILOT. The ship intercom drones, louder than the sound of your pounding heart. UNKNOWN PILOT.
“Tommy!” You shout, slamming the door to the cockpit open.
It doesn’t open.
You enter your credentials, again- this is your ship, you are the pilot.
The screen doesn’t even light up; neither red, nor blue.
You are locked out.
"TECHNO!” The shout comes from inside the cockpit; you are locked out. You are locked out.
You are locked out.
The sirens still blare.
A shudder rattles through the ship’s shell, creaking under the weight of something you cannot see. You cannot see Tommy.
He’s calling for your help.
You cannot see Tommy, and you cannot stop him. You haven’t wanted to help him in a while, now.
You strap yourself into the seats in the common room; they are dusty with disuse. The ship creaks again; everything is still doused in red.
You wonder, belatedly, with morbid curiosity, if it’ll soon be blood. You’ve heard that humans bleed red.
You know Tommy will not bleed red.
You know Tommy will think, like he thinks most things are, that his blood is red.
You will not know how to explain to him that it is not red, and he is not who he thinks he is.
You will never get that chance.
The ship shakes; entering an atmosphere. You wait to feel the ship slow, feel the descent. You cannot feel the wind as you fall, in this metal shell.
You’ve flown enough ships to know that if you were outside, it would be on fire, right now.
You know that the cockpit would reach over 4053 Kelvins, and that no known species, made of scrap or skin, can survive that temperature.
You know, with the same certainty of the corpses in a ship you refuse to go see, that Tommy is going to join his crew.
One final shake rattles the ship before the impact.
The world goes black.
---
Your eyes slowly peel open. You look down at your hands; relief and dread, equally, pool into your stomach.
You are alive, somehow.
You try to unclip yourself; the mechanism is broken. You take the knife out of your pocket, cutting through the straps.
There’s a hole in the side of your ship. When you strain your ears, you can hear-
SHIP BACKUP FAILED.
SHIP BACKUP FAILED.
SHIP BACKUP FAILED.
SEVERE DAMAGES TO: HULL, CARGO BAY, COCKPIT, ORBITAL MANEUVERING SYSTEM, PAYLOAD, CONTROL, SPEED BREAKS, MAIN ENGINES, BACK UP ENGINES.
LOW DAMAGE TO: COMMUNICATION TABLE, COMMON ROOM.
You exhale. It’s shaky. You’re shaking.
You stand up, staring at the room. You’re lucky to be alive, right now.
You make your way to the communication table. Pressing your palm to the screen, it miraculously lights up.
TECHNOBLADE: REGISTERED #34-B-687.
It reads. You open the map.
UNNAMED PLANET, it chimes. WOULD YOU LIKE TO NAME IT?
You’ve never landed on an unnamed planet before. They’re few and far between, hidden in the corners of the universe in dead zones that no one's been in.
The rules of the galaxy are simple; the first on a planet, names it.
You stare at the screen.
Slowly, you enter a title into the empty box.
NEW PLANET NAME: 1NN1T.
You stare at the screen.
You stare at the screen.
You stare at the screen.
You turn your gaze outside.
You are alone.
“Thank you.”
You look up, surprised. Tommy is a lot of things, you’ve come to learn. Thankful is not one of them.
Slowly, you nod. “Good luck.”
He turns around, and walks off your ship into Avair’s main ship harbour. There’s a bag, slung over his shoulder. You gave him non-perishables from your stash, earlier.
You still cannot decide if it’s a good idea. You have decided that it’s too late to wonder, anymore.
You press a button.
SHIP DOCK CLOSING.
SHIP DOCK CLOSING.
SHIP DOCK CLOSING.
SHIP DOCK CLOSED.
You exhale, steady. Silence greets you. It’s for the first time in a long time.
You take off.
Going through your message logs, something catches your eye.
There is a transmission here that you did not send. Panic spikes through you.
It is to a ship you do not recognize. It is not with the transmitter Tommy stole; you hid that, the moment you saw where your passenger’s old ship was.
It is with your transmitter.
FUCK.
You look up at the screen; it lights on cue, the notification casting a yellow glow on your face.
APPROACHING SHIP.
Another notification-
APPROACHING SHIP.
APPROACHING SHIP.
APPROACHING SHIP- APPROAC- AP-
The radar fills up your vision. Surrounding you from all sides are nine battleships.
You are a cargo ship, alone.
Then, a request:
TRANSMISSION GSP 4-5:
ACCEPT? ACCEPT?
ACCEPT:
“Technoblade of the Arctic Empire,” The voice begins, and ice runs cold through your veins. “Stand down, or you will be shot on sight.”
You step away from the console.
“Technoblade,” the voice says again, more urgent this time. “If you do not answer, we will shoot on sight. If you attempt to communicate with an outside source, we will shoot on sight. If you hang up, we will shoot on sight.”
You can’t speak.
“Shooting in three, two, one-”
There is an ear-aching noise, screeching metal against metal.
There is a searing pain.
And then, there is nothing.
Tommy storms off through the cockpit doors as you walk in, without glancing in your direction. You don’t really care; he’s the least of your priorities, right now.
Neither of you have apologized for what happened in the market on B1-45. You don’t think either of you will.
Going through your message logs, something catches your eye.
There is a transmission here that you did not send. Panic spikes through you.
It is to a ship you do not recognize. The timestamp shows 04:32 yesterday, when you were asleep.
It is with your transmitter.
FUCK.
You look up at the screen; it lights on cue, the notification casting a yellow glow on your face.
APPROACHING SHIP.
Another notification-
APPROACHING SHIP.
APPROACHING SHIP.
APPROACHING SHIP- APPROAC- AP-
The radar fills up your vision. Surrounding you from all sides are nine battleships.
You are a cargo ship, alone.
There is a child on your ship.
Then, a request:
TRANSMISSION GSP 4-5:
ACCEPT? ACCEPT?
ACCEPT:
“Technoblade of the Arctic Empire,” The voice begins, and ice runs cold through your veins. “Stand down, or you will be shot on sight.”
You step away from the console.
“Technoblade,” the voice says again, more urgent this time. “If you do not answer, we will shoot on sight. If you attempt to communicate with an outside source, we will shoot on sight. If you hang up, we will shoot on sight.”
“I have a child on board,” you say, your voice echoing through the cockpit. It does not shake your hands. Tommy stands in the doorway, something like horror on his face.
You don’t know, really. Tommy never looks like what he sounds. His voice is too human for that.
“Is it a hostage?” The transmission asks.
“No.” you respond.
There is no answer. And then-
“Shooting in three, two, one-”
There is an ear-aching noise, screeching metal against metal.
You make eye contact with Tommy.
There is a searing pain.
And then, there is nothing.
It is with deep certainty that you know,
You did not mean to fuck up this bad.
Technoblade walked out of the room seven minutes and twenty one seconds ago. You stared at the locking panel for thirteen seconds before taking the book on the control panel’s table, and slamming it into the screen.
It crackles, snaps, dies.
The doors stay shut.
You stare at it, breathing heavy.
Techno locked you out of the cockpit like this, once.
It’s with great joy and bitter retribution that you return the action.
At 48 seconds, you stared at the control panel, sitting in the pilot seat.
It is at 49 seconds, you realize you have no fucking clue how to steer this ship. It’s a million times more advanced than anything you’ve used. Your old ship, with Tubbo and Purpled; it was outdated, even for that time.
At one minute and six seconds, Techno notices that the cockpit is locked.
At one minute and thirty-two seconds, there’s the echo of something heavy hitting against the cockpit door.
You stare at it.
“Tommy!” He shouts, from the other side of the door. “Let me in!”
At three minutes and two seconds, you’re crying, gold blood covering your hands. The book is gold, too.
Techno lies on the floor.
He does not move.
You know what you’ve done.
At four minutes and fourty-one seconds, you take his hands in yours, and begin to drag him to the bay doors.
He leaves a trail of gold behind both of you.
You can’t look at the face that saved you.
At five minutes and fifty-seven seconds, you close the door. The cold vacuum of space takes his body.
You didn’t check if he was alive, you realize.
More urgent; or maybe knowing, you don’t really care.
At seven minutes you stand in the rubble of the cockpit door, blood sticking to the bottom of your shoes.
At seven minutes and twenty one seconds, you sit in the pilot’s chair of a man who is now dead, and wonder how you fucked up this bad.
At seven minutes and thirty two seconds, you press the button to send a transmission.
Thirty six minutes later, a notification lights up your screen, a yellow glow cast on your face.
You look up at the screen.
APPROACHING SHIP.
Another notification-
APPROACHING SHIP.
APPROACHING SHIP.
APPROACHING SHIP- APPROAC- AP-
The radar fills up your vision. Surrounding you from all sides are nine battleships.
You are a cargo ship that you cannot pilot and that does not belong to you, alone.
You have killed Technoblade, and soon yourself, too.
Then, a request:
TRANSMISSION GSP 4-5:
ACCEPT? ACCEPT?
ACCEPT:
“Technoblade of the Arctic Empire,” The voice begins. “Stand down, or you will be shot on sight.”
You step away from the console.
“Technoblade,” the voice says again, more urgent this time. “If you do not answer, we will shoot on sight. If you attempt to communicate with an outside source, we will shoot on sight. If you hang up, we will shoot on sight.”
“I’m not Technoblade,” you say, your voice shaking. “He’s not here.”
There’s a pause. For a moment, you think you will be saved. You let yourself hope.
“This is his ship.” The transmission says, confused. “Where is he?”
You stare at the blood on the floor. On your hands.
It’s on the console, too.
You hope, with a childish desperation, that you’ll see Tubbo and Purpled in whatever eternity awaits you.
“I killed him.”
You stare into the stars. They’re blotted out by the ships.
There is no answer. And then-
“Shooting in three, two, one-”
You close your eyes.
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 3]
1NN1T:
So what's your deal?
TECHNO:
Heh?
1NN1T:
Your shtick. I dunno- Arctic Empire things. Tell me about ‘em.
TECHNO:
They’re confidential Tommy, I can’t just tell you.
1NN1T:
Why not?
TECHNO:
Well for one, if someone found out and tried waterboarding you for information, you’d fold in an instant and my entire shtick would be compromised.
1NN1T:
I would never give in to waterboarding. I’m too much of a big man for that.
TECHNO:
No, I think you would.
1NN1T:
Ugh, Techno, you’re such a huge hater, d’you know that?
TECHNO:
I’m aware. Phil complains about it often enough.
1NN1T:
Phil?
TECHNO:
My… co-pilot.
1NN1T:
Is he on the ship?
TECHNO:
Nah. Just me. And you, I guess.
1NN1T:
Why isn’t Phil here?
TECHNO:
You ask a lot of questions, y’know?
1NN1T:
You avoid a lot of them. C’mon, where is he?
TECHNO:
We dunno.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Probably in the Empire, or some other undercover mission. Or like- dead maybe, who knows.
1NN1T:
That’s morbid, what the fuck? Why would you immediately think of that?
TECHNO:
It’s reality. Prepare yourself for the worst and you can’t ever be disappointed, y'know? For us, especially. A black winged avian isn’t a common sight, he gets targeted pretty often.
1NN1T:
Yeah. Tubbo, he’s an apis. The amount of people Purpled has just- shot, just for the point of it, that go to touch Tubbo’s wings is fuckin’- the list never ends, y’know? It’s why Tubbo doesn’t leave the ship much. He kind of attracts attention everywhere he goes.
TECHNO:
I know the feelin’.
1NN1T:
D’you think he’s worrying about you?
TECHNO:
I don’t think that guy has ever not worried. He’s like a mother bird.
1NN1T:
Does he know where you are?
TECHNO:
Honestly, I dunno. Maybe. Maybe not. What about your crew? Where do you think they thought you went?
1NN1T:
Honestly? No fucking clue. I mean- I do stupid shit all the time, but usually I announce it before I go, y’know? Purpled had a really shitty family when he was younger, they’d just up and leave and never tell him if they were coming back or when or for how long. He never admits anything, but I think telling him when I’m going and coming back helps.
TECHNO:
That's considerate of you.
1NN1T:
I’m the most fucking considerate ever, Techno. Stop sounding surprised.
TECHNO:
I don’t!
1NN1T:
Yeah you do! You got that stupid- little lilt to your voice, like mimimi, I’m Tech No Blade-
TECHNO:
I have never sounded like that in my life.
1NN1T:
You get the point!
[LAUGHTER]
TECHNO:
Yeah. I got the point.
1NN1T:
Fucker.
TECHNO:
Child.
1NN1T:
Asshole.
TECHNO:
Immature.
1NN1T:
Dickhead.
TECHNO:
Impatient- why am I fightin’ with a child?
1NN1T:
Sounds immature of you.
TECHNO:
Y’know, you stickin’ your tongue out at me doesn’t help your case.
1NN1T:
You just suck.
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah.
1NN1T:
You should tell me more about him.
TECHNO:
Who, Phil?
1NN1T:
Who else?
TECHNO:
Touche. Uh…. I dunno. He’s old.
1NN1T:
Older than you? Didn’t realize it was possible.
TECHNO:
Ha ha. You shoulda become a comedian, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Maybe I am, Blade. You wouldn’t know.
TECHNO:
Are you?
1NN1T:
…No.
TECHNO:
Right.
1NN1T:
But I could be! Don’t underestimate me.
TECHNO:
I’d come for a show if you did.
1NN1T:
You would?
TECHNO:
Yeah. And get a bucket of popcorn and throw a kernel at you every time the crowd laughs.
1NN1T:
You’re fucking evil. Never come to my shows. Tell me about your co-pilot, Blade.
[A SNORT.]
TECHNO:
Well, he’s… he’s Phil.
1NN1T:
Wow. Soundboard, applaud. How descriptive.
TECHNO:
Ha ha. He’s just… he’s nice. Towards kids, especially. I think you’d love him.
1NN1T:
I’m not a kid, Tech No Blade, we’ve established that-
TECHNO:
Traumatized ones, especially. It’s how we met.
1NN1T:
You were a traumatized kid?
TECHNO:
Eh. Kid is a strong word. More like… adolescent.
1NN1T:
You’re just making up words at this point.
TECHNO:
You ever heard of a thesaurus?
1NN1T:
Aren’t those extinct?
TECHNO:
They’re not alive.
1NN1T:
Oh. So what happened? For you to meet.
TECHNO:
Well, somethin’ about a piglin runt covered in blood got a local Avian’s attention, so.
1NN1T:
Phil’s an avian?
TECHNO:
Wait, you know me, Technoblade, but not Philza?
1NN1T:
PHIL IS PHILZA? PHILZA MINECRAFT?
TECHNO:
Yes?!
1NN1T:
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
TECHNO:
Who else did y’a think it was?!
1NN1T:
I dunno! Some guy named Phil! There’s a lot of fuckin’ Phils! It’s a big universe!
TECHNO:
You just assumed the Phil I was talking about, as a guy who is known for startin’ the Artic Empire with Philza Minecraft, was just a random guy
1NN1T:
How the fuck would I know!
TECHNO:
I mentioned his wings?! His very black, recognizable wings?
1NN1T:
I wasn’t paying that much attention!
TECHNO:
Oh my stars. You’re stupid.
1NN1T:
You missed the very vital information where he was Philza fucking Minecraft! No one calls him just Phil!
TECHNO:
I do?!
1NN1T:
I can’t believe you’re disrespecting the Philza Minecraft like that right now, Techno, it’s actually unbelievable-
TECHNO:
He’s literally my best friend, I’m not gonna call him Philza Minecraft every time I talk ‘bout him-
1NN1T:
You fucking should! He’s Philza fucking Minecraft!
TECHNO:
I think you’ve said that like six times by now.
1NN1T:
‘Cause he’s Philza fucking Minecraft, Technoblade!
TECHNO:
Oh hey, you can say my name right.
1NN1T:
You’re not excited enough about this.
TECHNO:
Probably ‘cause I’ve known him for more than twenty rotations. I was ecstatic when I met him if it helps.
1NN1T:
I can’t imagine you being ecstatic about anything.
TECHNO:
You’ve known me for three days.
1NN1T:
Three too many.
TECHNO:
I’ll put you back on a stranded planet, Tommy, there’s a bunch here-
1NN1T:
You wouldn’t.
TECHNO:
Eeh. Depends, really.
1NN1T:
Ugh, you’re so evil, Techno.
TECHNO:
Evil is a strong word. I prefer loosely tied morals.
1NN1T:
That’s what she said.
TECHNO:
I’m ignorin’ you.
1NN1T:
That’s probably what she said too.
TECHNO:
That’s what I’m saying. Don’t you have anything better to do?
1NN1T:
Like what? We’re in deep space, Techno. It’s empty. That's kinda the whole point.
TECHNO:
I dunno. Don’t you got a window to look out of?
1NN1T:
Yeah, but talking to you is more fun. It’s just all a bunch of stars. I spend like- half my life in space, I’ve seen it all already.
TECHNO:
Ever been through Cetacea?
1NN1T:
The galaxy?
TECHNO:
Yeah. What other Cetacea d’you know?
1NN1T:
Fuck if I know, you keep usin’- big ass words all the time.
TECHNO:
Like thesaurus?
1NN1T:
Fuck off! What's wrong with Cetacea?
TECHNO:
Nothing’s wrong, really. We’re gonna be going through it soon.
1NN1T:
Ooookay. And?
TECHNO:
You’ll see.
1NN1T:
Stars, you’re so ominous you know that? They should call you that. Technoblade the Ominous. The Ominousator. The Onion.
TECHNO:
Please never speak again.
1NN1T:
Jokes on you, I’m incredible at name giving. You’re just lame and boring.
TECHNO:
Have you ever picked up a book?
1NN1T:
Duh. I’ll do it right now.
TECHNO:
That’s a ship manual. I mean read the thing.
1NN1T:
You think so little of me, Blade, I can’t believe you don’t think I can read.
TECHNO:
I never said that.
1NN1T:
You’re implying. All implicationary like.
TECHNO:
That’s not a word. Read the manual, then.
1NN1T:
Manuals are boring.
TECHNO:
The fact you haven’t read it is probably why you crashed.
1NN1T:
It wasn’t cause I couldn’t drive the ship, dickhead, it’s cause of… the… asteroid field..
1NN1T:
Wait. No, that’s not right.
1NN1T:
Nah, the ship failed. The- the pod, I mean.
1NN1T:
Right?
[A pause.]
TECHNO:
I wasn’t there, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Right. Yeah. Pod failed, and all.
TECHNO:
Soooo. You didn’t read the manual.
1NN1T:
I’ll read it right now, Tech No Blade. Watch me.
1NN1T:
Ship I-496 Manual, Arctic Empire-
TECHNO:
That doesn’t say Arctic Empire.
1NN1T:
Yes it fuckin’ does, look theres the A, and thats the R-
TECHNO:
Artificial. It says Artificial-Run Engine. Model 32.
1NN1T:
That’s basically the same thing.
TECHNO:
Tommy, d’you… know how to read?
1NN1T:
Obviously.
TECHNO:
Y’know, it's okay if you don’t. Stuff happens.
1NN1T:
I do. It’s just… hard, sometimes. I dunno. They didn’t really care about that kinda stuff. Plus I can figure it out well enough in context. Usually.
TECHNO:
Is that why you didn’t want to read? Earlier.
1NN1T:
Fuck off, Techno.
TECHNO:
I can read them to you.
1NN1T:
I said, fuck- wait, what?
TECHNO:
I’ll read ‘em to you.
1NN1T:
…Why?
TECHNO:
I dunno. You’re bored. I’m bored. Cetacea is still a couple hours away. We have time to kill.
1NN1T:
Okay.
TECHNO:
Which story?
1NN1T:
I can’t read ‘em, Blade. You choose.
TECHNO:
Fine. Ever heard of the story of Theseus?
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 3 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 4]
TECHNO:
Tommy. Tommy, wake up.
1NN1T:
Hrrngh?
TECHNO:
Tommy. Wake up. You fell asleep.
1NN1T:
I noticed. We’re in the middle of space, the fuck did you wake me up for?
TECHNO:
That.
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
Woah.
TECHNO:
I told you Cetacea was cool.
1NN1T:
You didn’t say there were space whales. You were just being vague and ominous. I didn’t know they still existed.
TECHNO:
There’s not many of ‘em left. This galaxy is one of the last places.
1NN1T:
Tubbo would’ve loved this.
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Yeah. He always wanted to see one.
TECHNO:
Did you know that they’re not actually whales? They just look incredibly similar to the Cetacea family, back on Terria. They have these but smaller in their waters.
1NN1T:
How d’you know more about my home planet than me?
TECHNO:
Lots of free time. Runnin’ an Empire is a lot more errands than you’d expect.
1NN1T:
Tell me more, then.
TECHNO:
Space dolphins are almost genetically identical to space whales.
1NN1T:
Really?
TECHNO:
Yeah. Evolution just- took a wrong turn at the last step, I guess.
1NN1T:
That’s cool.
TECHNO:
Most of the universe is.
1NN1T:
Hey, Techno?
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Thank you. For picking me up. Not… leaving me, and stuff.
TECHNO:
...Yeah, kid. Don’t mention it.
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 4 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 5]
1NN1T:
Okay. Okay. We can do this.
TECHNO:
We?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
Tommy, you’re not getting off the ship.
1NN1T:
What? Why the fuck not? It’s the transmitter to contact my crew, I should be the one getting it!
TECHNO:
You’re too recognizable. Have you seen yourself?
1NN1T:
Yeah! I’m the epitome of stealth!
TECHNO:
I’ll be quick, okay? Just in and out.
1NN1T:
Techno, I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
No, you're not.
1NN1T:
What the fuck, Techno? You’re not my dad.
TECHNO:
Tommy, you’re gonna get recognized. I’m already recognizable enough. A piglin and a- whatever you are?
1NN1T:
Human.
TECHNO:
Yeah. Not a good idea.
1NN1T:
Techno, please. Let me come.
TECHNO:
Don’t you trust me? I saved you already once. Let me just get the transmitter, Tommy. I’ll be right back.
1NN1T:
Techno-
TECHNO:
Don’t burn anythin’ down.
[A HISS of a door closing.]
1NN1T:
Techno?
[SILENCE.]
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 5 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 6]
TECHNO:
Got it.
1NN1T:
Did you actually?
TECHNO:
Obviously. First try, even.
1NN1T:
Holy shit! This means we can actually contact them! Like- properly!
TECHNO:
Yeah. Wasn’t that the point of gettin’ it in the first place?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. It’s just actually happening now, y’know?
TECHNO:
Sure.
1NN1T:
So. Lets use it?
TECHNO:
We gotta go back into deep space again first. Have you ever used a transmitter?
1NN1T:
Of course I have, just no one where I’m running from the government.
TECHNO:
You were a bounty hunter, how were you not on the run?
1NN1T:
Well- we were, but y’know. We had Tubbo. Didn’t really need to worry about this kinda stuff.
TECHNO:
How are you even alive?
1NN1T:
Pure fuckin’ luck! They call me Tommy Lucky Innit. Let's go.
TECHNO:
Yeah yeah, we’re going.
1NN1T:
Let me drive.
TECHNO:
Absolutely not.
1NN1T:
What! Why not?
TECHNO:
I don’t wanna lose my job, maybe. And my life.
1NN1T:
You’re the boss, you can’t get fired.
TECHNO:
I can definitely die, though.
1NN1T:
I’m not gonna kill us.
TECHNO:
No way, Tommy. Just sit here so I can show you how to use it. I can’t pilot and mod that at the same time.
1NN1T:
Ugh. Fine. Show me.
TECHNO:
Right, so the blue wire? Yank it out.
1NN1T:
That seems like a generally bad idea, Techno.
TECHNO:
D’you wanna contact your friends or not?
1NN1T:
Mimimi, I’m the Blade and I think I’m so cool-
TECHNO:
I am cool. Have you met me?
1NN1T:
Philza Minecraft, the only man ever, is way cooler than you.
TECHNO:
Okay, Tommy. Turn the thing on. Go to the settings.
1NN1T:
Uhuh.
TECHNO:
Wipe it entirely.
1NN1T:
Oooookay.
TECHNO:
D’you know how to set up Fres-D?
1NN1T:
Yeah.
TECHNO:
Set that up, then.
1NN1T:
Then what?
TECHNO:
Open up the back, and come take the wheel.
1NN1T:
You’re letting me drive?!
TECHNO:
Drive is a heavy word. We’re out of any radius, so. Just don’t go off track.
1NN1T:
I would never. I can’t believe you trust me for this.
TECHNO:
Eeeh. Trust you less to do the back of this.
1NN1T:
You fuckin’ suck.
TECHNO:
I can put it on auto-pilot.
1NN1T:
You still fuckin’ suck. Don’t touch my spaceship.
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
Are you done?
TECHNO:
Almost.
1NN1T:
How about now?
TECHNO:
Ever heard of patience?
1NN1T:
Stars forbid I’m excited to hear my friends voices for the first time in 20 rotations! C’mon, Techno, hurry up.
TECHNO:
This isn’t a voice transmitter, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Huh?
TECHNO:
It’s just location-based. It doesn’t transmit voices.
1NN1T:
Why the fuck not? Transmitters do both, don’t they?
TECHNO:
Most do. Not this one though.
1NN1T:
Why’d you steal a shitty transmitter?
TECHNO:
‘Cause it’s got a longer search reach. And also doesn’t send transmissions back, meanin’-
1NN1T:
You’re untraceable. That fucking sucks.
TECHNO:
You’ll see them soon, anyway. Just be patient.
1NN1T:
So where are they?
TECHNO:
Uh.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
They’re…. In the same galaxy you were stranded in.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Yeah. Not- not your planet, just around it.
1NN1T:
Holy shit. They were looking for me.
TECHNO:
You still wanna go back?
1NN1T:
Of course! Techno, they’re- they were trying to find me.
TECHNO:
Yeah, kid.
1NN1T:
They didn’t forget me.
TECHNO:
You’re a lot of things, but forgettable isn’t one of ‘em. For better or worse, really.
1NN1T:
How did I only get your transmission, then?
TECHNO:
I was probably closer. Blocked it, or somethin’.
1NN1T:
Yeah. Probably.
TECHNO:
So… let's go.
1NN1T:
Fuck yeah!
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 6 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[DAYS UNTIL FINAL DESTINATION: 30 CYCLES]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 7]
1NN1T:
It’s so weird.
TECHNO:
What is?
1NN1T:
Seeing the same sky from a different perspective. I mean- on Tirani-A6, I’d look at them every night.
TECHNO:
Hm.
1NN1T:
Made my own constellation’s, y’know? Wrote them down, and everything.
TECHNO:
D’you have them?
1NN1T:
Nah. Left them there. I just- I wanted to get off that place, so I left… everything else behind.
TECHNO:
You sound like you regret it.
1NN1T:
I dunno, honestly. Maybe it’s for the best. Kind of an awful planet, really.
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Absolutely. All the plants sucked ass. The water was purple. It was nice at first, and then it just kinda- I dunno. Got old, fast?
TECHNO:
Most things do when you’re exiled from space.
1NN1T:
Exiled?
TECHNO:
Exiled. Stranded. Whatever you wanna call it, I guess.
1NN1T:
Exiled sounds cooler than stranded. Stranded just fucking- sounds like I’m bad at my job.
TECHNO:
You are bad at your job. It’s why you were stranded.
1NN1T:
But people don’t have to know that!
TECHNO:
And exile sounds better?
1NN1T:
Exile sounds like I was chased out of my land, and had no other choice but to crashland on a very deserted, shitty planet.
TECHNO:
I don’t see how that's better.
1NN1T:
It just is, Techno. It’s not my fault you don’t have the intelligence to see it. Where’s the ship?
TECHNO:
Uh. Should be around this third moon, here. D’you know that Terria only ever has one moon?
1NN1T:
Of course I know, Techno. Why’re you nervous?
TECHNO:
I’m not nervous.
1NN1T:
Yeah you are. You do that- that fuckin’ thing. With your ear.
TECHNO:
What ear?
1NN1T:
Ugh, Techno!
TECHNO:
Look. It’s just- sometimes, things aren’t gonna be like we expect, okay?
1NN1T:
Whaddya mean?
TECHNO:
I dunno. It’s been a while, Tommy.
1NN1T:
And?
TECHNO:
Just- prepare for the worst, okay?
1NN1T:
You’re so pessimistic, Techno. They’re fine, okay? That's…
1NN1T:
That’s my ship.
TECHNO:
Fuck.
1NN1T:
W-what?
TECHNO:
Tommy, I-
1NN1T:
But- but the transmitter. It says it’s still working.
TECHNO:
It doesn’t need to be entirely… intact. To send a transmission.
1NN1T:
Look. Look, it’s just- half of it is blocked off, Techno. It could- they could still be alive.
TECHNO:
Look at the engines, Tommy.
1NN1T:
The engines aren’t my crew, Techno. They could be there. Rationing. We had enough there for three people for at least a couple years, if they really ration it out and-
TECHNO:
Tommy. It’s over, kid. I’m sorry.
1NN1T:
It’s not! It isn’t fucking over, Techno! They’re not dead! Look at the cockpit! It’s entirely intact, it’s fine, they could still be alive!
TECHNO:
The chances of it are astronomically low, Tommy.
1NN1T:
We have to fucking try! Let me try, Techno!
TECHNO:
Are you sure?
1NN1T:
I’ve never been more serious in my fucking life, Technoblade. You have to let me go.
TECHNO:
Fine. We’re gonna go together.
1NN1T:
You don’t need to come with me.
TECHNO:
I’m not leavin’ you to go check out the ruins of your old spaceship where your two crewmates are on the brink of death or already dead, okay? This isn’t an option.
1NN1T:
Okay.
TECHNO:
Okay.
1NN1T:
Thanks.
TECHNO:
Don’t worry about it. Suit up, kid.
1NN1T:
But- for real. D’you really think-?
TECHNO:
I don’t know, Tommy.
1NN1T:
But there’s a possibility? That they're alive?
TECHNO:
I don’t know.
1NN1T:
Okay.
TECHNO:
Okay.
1NN1T:
Let's go.
[SHUFFLING NOISES.]
[AN AIRLOCK HISS.]
[SHIP AUDIO LOG TRANSFERRED: SUIT LOG 1: BEGIN.]
TECHNO:
Tommy? Are you still with me?
1NN1T:
Yeah.
TECHNO:
Stay close to me, okay? Don’t let go of the string.
1NN1T:
I won’t.
TECHNO:
This parts’ all deadzone.
1NN1T:
How, it’s entirely sealed-
TECHNO:
Look. That section of the doors were compromised.
1NN1T:
Oh.
TECHNO:
Yeah.
1NN1T:
There’s still- there’s still the cockpit, though. Right?
TECHNO:
Tommy….
1NN1T:
There’s still a chance.
TECHNO:
Okay. Okay. You wait out here.
1NN1T:
But…
TECHNO:
Tommy. Please.
1NN1T:
Fine. Fine, fine, just- please? Hurry? It’s…
1NN1T:
It’s cold.
TECHNO:
Yeah, kid. I’ll be quick.
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 3: SUIT LOG]
1NN1T:
So… what now?
TECHNO:
Whaddya mean?
1NN1T:
I mean, where do we go now? I mean- I could just come with you.
TECHNO:
You’re not comin’ with me.
1NN1T:
Didn’t think so. Asshole. Hater. Dickhead.
TECHNO:
You’re not convincing towards your case at all, right now.
1NN1T:
So what? You drop me off at a random planet?
TECHNO:
The Arctic Empire isn’t really a place for kids, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Bullshit. I’ve been there before, it’s not that bad.
TECHNO:
I’m not even gonna question it.
1NN1T:
Cause of my utter genius.
TECHNO:
You got on the fleet entirely on your own? No outside help?
1NN1T:
Well. Some help.
TECHNO:
Uhuh.
1NN1T:
Okay, mostly help. Tubbo’s fuckin’ smart, okay? He hacked into your security system- they were shit, by the way-
TECHNO:
Yeah, eleven years ago-
1NN1T:
They were shiiiit. Tubbo broke into them in five minutes.
TECHNO:
Are you just admittin’ to stealing from me at this point?
1NN1T:
No! Well. Maybe a little. I got a bagel from your breakroom.
TECHNO:
I’m puttin’ that on your tab.
1NN1T:
What the fuck? What tab?
TECHNO:
The ‘saved your ass’ tab.
1NN1T:
Ugh. All you guys always going for profit these fucking days. No shame whatsoever. Can’t a guy just be saved for once?
TECHNO:
Nah. Whose Tubbo?
1NN1T:
Why? Are you gonna find him and kill him for breaking in?
TECHNO:
I have bigger problems than that.
1NN1T:
He’s my crewmate. And my best friend. And our engineer.
TECHNO:
Our?
1NN1T:
Yeah. Me, Purpled, Tubbo. My crew.
TECHNO:
Small crew.
1NN1T:
Fuck off, we don’t need nine million people. It’s a ship, not a space station. Purpled is our navigator and Tubbo is our mechanic and I’m the pilot. We figure it out.
TECHNO:
Didn’t say it was bad, just small. You’re the pilot? And you got exiled?
1NN1T:
The fuck you mean exiled?
TECHNO:
Exiled, stranded. Same thing.
1NN1T:
Not the same fucking thing! I wasn't exiled by my friends, Techno. Tubbo would never exile me.
TECHNO:
Uhuh.
1NN1T:
I bet you don’t even have friends.
TECHNO:
More than you.
1NN1T:
I bet you have one old man friend whose ancient and bones are crumbling and whose face is just as ugly as yours-
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah.
1NN1T:
My crew is the coolest fuckin’ group of people you’ve ever met or seen or heard of.
TECHNO:
Sure.
1NN1T:
I am sure. Very sure.
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
So.
[A LONG SIGH.]
1NN1T:
Thats fucking rude.
TECHNO:
I’ve gotten an entirety of maybe a minute of silence since you showed up. I’m goin’ crazy.
1NN1T:
Listen, between the two of us, I think you were crazy before I showed up, Techno.
TECHNO:
You’re like a sound machine.
1NN1T:
You barely even answer! What else am I supposed to do?
TECHNO:
I dunno! Read a book, maybe?
1NN1T:
Reading is for nerds.
TECHNO:
Readin’s for people who get stranded on a random planet because they probably didn’t even look at the ship manual for a pod they stole.
1NN1T:
So not me!
TECHNO:
You’re actually gonna be the death of me.
1NN1T:
Do I get your ship if you suspiciously pass away due to mysterious circumstances?
TECHNO:
No.
1NN1T:
Damn.
TECHNO:
Okay. Closest planets to here are…
TECHNO:
8-56BENCH, CAL-45-C, and Aviar. Rhythea is farther out. Any preferences?
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Preference. For which one.
1NN1T:
I- I don’t know any of those, what the fuck?
TECHNO:
BENCH is a trading planet, usually intergalactic goods. You can find most stuff on there, CAL-45 is… Actually, we probably shouldn’t go there. Aviar’s have the best transportation between the three, especially for off-planet and longer distances.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
To find your crew.
1NN1T:
Why can’t I just… come with you?
TECHNO:
…Tommy.
1NN1T:
I’m just- I’m just saying. What if I could just- go with you?
TECHNO:
Tommy-
1NN1T:
Fine, fine. I have a better idea.
TECHNO:
Do I wanna hear it?
1NN1T:
I’m gonna tell you anyway.
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
We just use your transmitter to contact them.
TECHNO:
The planets? They’re public, we don’t need to-
1NN1T:
No, my crew.
TECHNO:
Heh?
1NN1T:
Lemme contact my crew with your transmitter, and if they’re not too far, we can go.
TECHNO:
Why can’t I just drop you off on Aviar?
1NN1T:
Don’t you wanna meet Tubbo?
TECHNO:
Eeeh. In any case, we can’t do that.
1NN1T:
Why the fuck not?
TECHNO:
I don’t want to get traced and have the GSP on my tail for the next month for tryin’ find a random ship from across the universe.
1NN1T:
Okay, fine, we land on a planet and get a dead transmitter.
TECHNO:
Tommy. It’s been eleven years, kid.
1NN1T:
And? What's that supposed to mean?
TECHNO:
That they’re probably dead.
1NN1T:
Fuck off, don’t say things like that, Techno. They’re fine.
TECHNO:
Okay, hypothetically they’re fine. You think they have the same ship? Eleven years later?
1NN1T:
Of course! We’ve had that ship since we ran from base, they wouldn’t just fuckin’- get rid of it.
TECHNO:
Tommy. You gotta be realistic.
1NN1T:
I am being fucking realistic, Techno! Let me at least try!
TECHNO:
Not with my transmitter.
1NN1T:
Fine. Let's get another one, then.
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
C’mon, big man. Please. Just the one transmitter.
TECHNO:
There’s a dwarf planet, closer. B1-45, they’ll probably sell the stuff we need.
1NN1T:
Really?!
TECHNO:
Yeah, I mean- it won’t be modern modern stuff, but it’ll have location, last months log, a couple other things I can rip out of it.
1NN1T:
You’ll- we’ll go? To get the transmitter? To see our ship?
TECHNO:
The transmitter, begrudgingly, yes. The ship…. I dunno. We’ll see.
1NN1T:
Otherwise?
TECHNO:
Otherwise, I drop you off at Aviar.
1NN1T:
You’re really gonna fucking leave me on a random planet? With nothing?
TECHNO:
I’m not in the business of babysitting, Tommy.
1NN1T:
I’m not a baby, I’m stranded.
TECHNO:
Not stranded if you’re on a populated planet anymore, innit?
1NN1T:
C’mon, Techno.
TECHNO:
Look, Tommy, I have a job to do, okay? Let me do my job. Picking you up already delayed me by days.
1NN1T:
I’m sooo fucking sorry my entire existence on an abandoned fucking planet is inconveniencing you, Technoblade.
TECHNO:
I mean, it kinda is. You’re takin’ up cockpit space right now. This is prime real estate.
1NN1T:
Ha ha.
TECHNO:
No, really. My property value’s tankin’ right now. Getting all your inside liquids outside on my floor.
1NN1T:
It’s called blood.
TECHNO:
Yeah. Sure. Whatever you say.
1NN1T:
I say many things which are all correct all the time.
TECHNO:
Bruh. Get outta my cockpit.
1NN1T:
Ugh. Fine.
[SOUND OF HEAVY FOOTSTEPS.]
[DOOR HISSING.]
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 3 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 4]
1NN1T:
Okay. Okay. We can do this.
TECHNO:
We?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
Tommy, you’re not getting off the ship.
1NN1T:
What? Why the fuck not? It’s the transmitter to contact my crew, I should be the one getting it!
TECHNO:
You’re too recognizable. Have you seen yourself?
1NN1T:
Yeah! I’m the epitome of stealth!
TECHNO:
I’ll be quick, okay? Just in and out.
1NN1T:
Techno, I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
Ugh. Fine.
1NN1T:
Wait, really?
TECHNO:
You’re never gonna give it up, so.
1NN1T:
Fuck yeah!
TECHO:
Are you ready?
1NN1T:
Uh. Do I need a cloak like yours?
TECHNO:
Probably.
1NN1T:
So…
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
It’s not like I had a cloak lying around in my shipwreck I was keeping for this exact moment, Tech No Blade.
TECHNO:
Fine. Just take mine.
1NN1T:
What? I thought you said it was a stealth mission, and like listen, I’m all for self-expression but I’m pretty sure the bright pink of- all of you, really stands out-
TECHNO:
Stars, Tommy, stop. I have a spare, it’s fine.
1NN1T:
Oh.
TECHNO:
Just don’t get any of your kid-germs on it.
1NN1T:
I hope I bleed out all over this.
TECHNO:
If you bleed out I’m not patching you up.
1NN1T:
You’re a loser.
TECHNO:
And you’re a child. Hurry up.
1NN1T:
I am hurrying, fuck off-
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 4 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[TARGET IDENTIFIED]
[RACE: PIGLIN.]
[TRACKING…]
[STREET CAM-472 : B1-45]
[PIGLIN and FIGURE 2 are walking down the street. FIGURE 2 stops at a stall. PIGLIN stops as well.]
[PIGLIN and FIGURE 2 keep walking.]
[PIGLIN stops at another stall. PIGLIN speaks to VENDOR. VENDOR recoils. PIGLIN holds something out in his hand.]
[Frantic shouting.]
FIGURE 2:
Hey- hey what is that?
PIGLIN:
Bruh. I’m busy, hold on.
FIGURE 2:
Uh. Don’t think this is an after thing.
PIGLIN:
What?
FIGURE 2:
That.
[PIGLIN looks behind.]
PIGLIN:
Okay. Okay, just keep y’er head down, they’re probably not comin’ for us-
[B1-45 OFFICER 802 of REGION VIAS push through a crowd.]
OFFICER 802:
HEY YOU IN THE CLOAKS!
FIGURE 2:
Call me crazy, I think we’re just a little too late for that!
[PIGLIN grabs FIGURE 2’s arm and begins to run. FIGURE 2 pulls back.]
PIGLIN:
C’mon, Tommy-
FIGURE 2
Just- hold on!
[FIGURE 2 snatches something from the table. VENDOR begins to yell, shaking a fist.]
VENDOR:
You have to pay for that!
FIGURE 2:
Now let's go.
PIGLIN:
Wow, theft. I can’t wait to add that to my list of crimes they want to jail me for.
FIGURE 2:
You’ve definitely stolen before.
PIGLIN:
Nah.
FIGURE 2:
I don’t believe you.
PIGLIN:
Seems like a skill issue on your part.
FIGURE 2:
I hate you.
PIGLIN:
Get off my ship then.
FIGURE 2:
Not that much yet.
PIGLIN:
Ha.
[B1-45 OFFICER 712 of REGION VIAS joins the chase, cutting PIGLIN and FIGURE 2. PIGLIN pulls FIGURE 2 into an alleyway.]
PIGLIN:
Hide here.
FIGURE 2:
How the hell d’you know everything?
PIGLIN:
Skill.
FIGURE 2:
You studied the market, didn’t you-
PIGLIN:
Yeah, obviously-
OFFICER 802:
They’re here!
Go!
[OFFICER 712 pulls something out of their coat.]
FIGURE 2:
Duck!
[PIGLIN ducks. A flash of purple hits the wall in front of PIGLIN.]
[The wall is burnt.]
PIGLIN:
Good call.
FIGURE 2:
Y’know what’d be a better call? Not getting shot at.
PIGLIN:
Part of the job.
FIGURE 2:
I didn’t sign up for this?!
PIGLIN:
Shoulda stayed on the ship.
FIGURE 2:
Shoulda not gotten recognized.
PIGLIN:
Left.
FIGURE 2:
Copy.
[STREET CAM-492 : B1-45]
PIGLIN:
We should be okay here.
[Clamouring. OFFICER 802 appears.]
[Clamouring. OFFICER 802 appears.]
FIGURE 2:
How the fuck do they keep finding us?
PIGLIN:
The street cameras. Ugh, this is so much more exhaustin' than it should’ve been.
FIGURE 2:
I-
PIGLIN:
Shhh. They pick up audio too.
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[STREET CAM-793 : B1-45]
PIGLIN:
Camera. This way.
FIGURE 2:
Fuck!
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[NO AVAILABLE STREET CAMS.]
[SIGNAL LOST.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 5]
1NN1T:
WE MADE IT!
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah, don’t start celebrating yet. We need to get off the planet.
1NN1T:
They wouldn’t shoot us off planet.
TECHNO:
Eeeh. If they think I am who I am, they probably would.
1NN1T:
D’you think they know who you think that you are- fuck. You get it.
TECHNO:
Ha. I doubt it, though. We just need to get that transmitter running.
1NN1T:
Right, so you do that and I steer the ship?
TECHNO:
Not a chance. I’ll boot it up in a bit.
1NN1T:
Why not?
TECHNO:
I don’t wanna end up stranded, maybe?
1NN1T:
Low blow. I used to pilot, I could totally drive this ship.
TECHNO:
Uhuh. I have so much trust in your pilotin’ abilities.
1NN1T:
…
TECHNO:
Sorry. It’s just gonna take a second then I’ll put it on auto-pilot and I’ll mod the transmitter.
1NN1T:
I gotta wait?
TECHNO:
Oh no, patience. Your greatest adversary.
1NN1T:
You take so long!
TECHNO:
I’m gonna take longer now. Just for you.
1NN1T:
Ugh.
1NN1T:
Are you done?
TECHNO:
Wow. Made it two whole minutes in silence. Must be a new record.
1NN1T:
You’re so passive aggressive. How about now?
TECHNO:
They’re…. In the same galaxy you were stranded in.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Yeah. Not- not your planet, just around it.
1NN1T:
Holy shit. They were looking for me.
TECHNO:
They’re not movin’, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Whaddya mean?
TECHNO:
The ship’s in space, but it’s not moving.
1NN1T:
So? We’re not moving right now, but we’re in space.
TECHNO:
It’s been at least a month that it hasn’t moved. The transmitter would’ve picked up any previous movement, or at least had a path. Look. There’s nothing here.
1NN1T:
So… they’re stationary. That’s still fine. We can still go. What galaxy is it in?
TECHNO:
Yours.
1NN1T:
The Milky way?
TECHNO:
No, the one you were stranded in. They’re an hour away from Tirani-A6, tops.
1NN1T:
Holy shit. They were looking for me.
TECHNO:
Maybe.
1NN1T:
Techno, we gotta go see them.
TECHNO:
It’s a seven day trip there, Tommy.
1NN1T:
And? I’ve waited like- forever! What difference does that make?
TECHNO:
To go there and come back is a fourteen day detour. I can’t afford to use any more time.
But- it’s a deadzone. Ataxi. There’s barely any transmissions, nothing in Aviar’s gonna take me there.
TECHNO:
I know.
1NN1T:
What the fuck? Then how the hell am I gonna get to them?
TECHNO:
I don’t know.
1NN1T:
I don’t know either! Techno. Please help. I can’t- can’t do this on my own.
TECHNO:
I don’t know how to help with this one, Tommy. I’m sorry.
1NN1T:
I don’t fucking get it! What difference does it make if they’re stationary?
TECHNO:
No one's stationary ‘cept the stranded, Tommy. And it’s a deadzone; there’s nothing there.
1NN1T:
They could’ve still survived. I survived.
TECHNO:
I only got a transmission from you.
1NN1T:
The fuck is that supposed to mean?
TECHNO:
Someone on that ship needs to send a signal, Tommy.
1NN1T:
They’re not dead.
TECHNO:
Maybe. I still can’t take you.
1NN1T:
I’m still gonna go.
TECHNO:
I hope you figure out how, Tommy. We’re landing in seven hours on Aviar.
1NN1T:
Fine. Fine.
TECHNO:
I’m sorry. Good luck.
[MUTTERING.]
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 5 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 3]
1NN1T:
So what's your deal?
TECHNO:
Heh?
1NN1T:
Your shtick. I dunno- Arctic Empire things. Tell me about ‘em.
TECHNO:
They’re confidential Tommy, I can’t just tell you.
1NN1T:
Why not?
TECHNO:
Well for one, if someone found out and tried waterboarding you for information, you’d fold in an instant and my entire shtick would be compromised.
1NN1T:
I would never give in to waterboarding. I’m too much of a big man for that.
TECHNO:
No, I think you would.
1NN1T:
Ugh, Techno, you’re such a huge hater, d’you know that?
TECHNO:
I’m aware. Phil complains about it often enough.
1NN1T:
Phil?
TECHNO:
My… co-pilot.
1NN1T:
Is he on the ship?
TECHNO:
Nah. Just me. And you, I guess.
1NN1T:
Why isn’t Phil here?
TECHNO:
You ask a lot of questions, y’know?
1NN1T:
You avoid a lot of them. C’mon, where is he?
TECHNO:
We dunno.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Probably in the Empire, or some other undercover mission. Or like- dead maybe, who knows.
1NN1T:
That’s morbid, what the fuck? Why would you immediately think of that?
TECHNO:
It’s reality. Prepare yourself for the worst and you can’t ever be disappointed, y'know? For us, especially. A black winged avian isn’t a common sight, he gets targeted pretty often.
1NN1T:
Yeah. Tubbo, he’s an apis. The amount of people Purpled has just- shot, just for the point of it, that go to touch Tubbo’s wings is fuckin’- the list never ends, y’know? It’s why Tubbo doesn’t leave the ship much. He kind of attracts attention everywhere he goes.
TECHNO:
I know the feelin’.
1NN1T:
D’you think he’s worrying about you?
TECHNO:
I don’t think that guy has ever not worried. He’s like a mother bird.
1NN1T:
Does he know where you are?
TECHNO:
Honestly, I dunno. Maybe. Maybe not. What about your crew? Where do you think they thought you went?
1NN1T:
Honestly? No fucking clue. I mean- I do stupid shit all the time, but usually I announce it before I go, y’know? Purpled had a really shitty family when he was younger, they’d just up and leave and never tell him if they were coming back or when or for how long. He never admits anything, but I think telling him when I’m going and coming back helps.
TECHNO:
That's considerate of you.
1NN1T:
I’m the most fucking considerate ever, Techno. Stop sounding surprised.
TECHNO:
I don’t!
1NN1T:
Yeah you do! You got that stupid- little lilt to your voice, like mimimi, I’m Tech No Blade-
TECHNO:
I have never sounded like that in my life.
1NN1T:
You get the point!
[LAUGHTER]
TECHNO:
Yeah. I got the point.
1NN1T:
Fucker.
TECHNO:
Child.
1NN1T:
Asshole.
TECHNO:
Immature.
1NN1T:
Dickhead.
TECHNO:
Impatient- why am I fightin’ with a child?
1NN1T:
Sounds immature of you.
TECHNO:
Y’know, you stickin’ your tongue out at me doesn’t help your case.
1NN1T:
You just suck.
TECHNO:
Yeah, yeah.
1NN1T:
You should tell me more about him.
TECHNO:
Who, Phil?
1NN1T:
Who else?
TECHNO:
Touche. Uh…. I dunno. He’s old.
1NN1T:
Older than you? Didn’t realize it was possible.
TECHNO:
Ha ha. You shoulda become a comedian, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Maybe I am, Blade. You wouldn’t know.
TECHNO:
Are you?
1NN1T:
…No.
TECHNO:
Right.
1NN1T:
But I could be! Don’t underestimate me.
TECHNO:
I’d come for a show if you did.
1NN1T:
You would?
TECHNO:
Yeah. And get a bucket of popcorn and throw a kernel at you every time the crowd laughs.
1NN1T:
You’re fucking evil. Never come to my shows. Tell me about your co-pilot, Blade.
[A SNORT.]
TECHNO:
Well, he’s… he’s Phil.
1NN1T:
Wow. Soundboard, applaud. How descriptive.
TECHNO:
Ha ha. He’s just… he’s nice. Towards kids, especially. I think you’d love him.
1NN1T:
I’m not a kid, Tech No Blade, we’ve established that-
TECHNO:
Traumatized ones, especially. It’s how we met.
1NN1T:
You were a traumatized kid?
TECHNO:
Eh. Kid is a strong word. More like… adolescent.
1NN1T:
You’re just making up words at this point.
TECHNO:
You ever heard of a thesaurus?
1NN1T:
Aren’t those extinct?
TECHNO:
They’re not alive.
1NN1T:
Oh. So what happened? For you to meet.
TECHNO:
Well, somethin’ about a piglin runt covered in blood got a local Avian’s attention, so.
1NN1T:
Phil’s an avian?
TECHNO:
Wait, you know me, Technoblade, but not Philza?
1NN1T:
PHIL IS PHILZA? PHILZA MINECRAFT?
TECHNO:
Yes?!
1NN1T:
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
TECHNO:
Who else did y’a think it was?!
1NN1T:
I dunno! Some guy named Phil! There’s a lot of fuckin’ Phils! It’s a big universe!
TECHNO:
You just assumed the Phil I was talking about, as a guy who is known for startin’ the Artic Empire with Philza Minecraft, was just a random guy
1NN1T:
How the fuck would I know!
TECHNO:
I mentioned his wings?! His very black, recognizable wings?
1NN1T:
I wasn’t paying that much attention!
TECHNO:
Oh my stars. You’re stupid.
1NN1T:
You missed the very vital information where he was Philza fucking Minecraft! No one calls him just Phil!
TECHNO:
I do?!
1NN1T:
I can’t believe you’re disrespecting the Philza Minecraft like that right now, Techno, it’s actually unbelievable-
TECHNO:
He’s literally my best friend, I’m not gonna call him Philza Minecraft every time I talk ‘bout him-
1NN1T:
You fucking should! He’s Philza fucking Minecraft!
TECHNO:
I think you’ve said that like six times by now.
1NN1T:
‘Cause he’s Philza fucking Minecraft, Technoblade!
TECHNO:
Oh hey, you can say my name right.
1NN1T:
You’re not excited enough about this.
TECHNO:
Probably ‘cause I’ve known him for more than twenty rotations. I was ecstatic when I met him if it helps.
1NN1T:
I can’t imagine you being ecstatic about anything.
TECHNO:
You’ve known me for three days.
1NN1T:
Three too many.
TECHNO:
I’ll put you back on a stranded planet, Tommy, there’s a bunch here-
1NN1T:
You wouldn’t.
TECHNO:
Eeh. Depends, really.
1NN1T:
Ugh, you’re so evil, Techno.
TECHNO:
Evil is a strong word. I prefer loosely tied morals.
1NN1T:
That’s what she said.
TECHNO:
I’m ignorin’ you.
1NN1T:
That’s probably what she said too.
TECHNO:
That’s what I’m saying. Don’t you have anything better to do?
1NN1T:
Like what? We’re in deep space, Techno. It’s empty. That's kinda the whole point.
TECHNO:
I dunno. Don’t you got a window to look out of?
1NN1T:
Yeah, but talking to you is more fun. It’s just all a bunch of stars. I spend like- half my life in space, I’ve seen it all already.
TECHNO:
Ever been through Cetacea?
1NN1T:
The galaxy?
TECHNO:
Yeah. What other Cetacea d’you know?
1NN1T:
Fuck if I know, you keep usin’- big ass words all the time.
TECHNO:
Like thesaurus?
1NN1T:
Fuck off! What's wrong with Cetacea?
TECHNO:
Nothing’s wrong, really. We’re gonna be going through it soon.
1NN1T:
Ooookay. And?
TECHNO:
You’ll see.
1NN1T:
Stars, you’re so ominous you know that? They should call you that. Technoblade the Ominous. The Ominousator. The Onion.
TECHNO:
Please never speak again.
1NN1T:
Jokes on you, I’m incredible at name giving. You’re just lame and boring.
TECHNO:
Have you ever picked up a book?
1NN1T:
Duh. I’ll do it right now.
TECHNO:
That’s a ship manual. I mean read the thing.
1NN1T:
You think so little of me, Blade, I can’t believe you don’t think I can read.
TECHNO:
I never said that.
1NN1T:
You’re implying. All implicationary like.
TECHNO:
That’s not a word. Read the manual, then.
1NN1T:
Manuals are boring.
TECHNO:
The fact you haven’t read it is probably why you crashed.
1NN1T:
It wasn’t cause I couldn’t drive the ship, dickhead, it’s cause of… the… asteroid field..
1NN1T:
Wait. No, that’s not right.
1NN1T:
Nah, the ship failed. The- the pod, I mean.
1NN1T:
Right?
[A pause.]
TECHNO:
I wasn’t there, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Right. Yeah. Pod failed, and all.
TECHNO:
Soooo. You didn’t read the manual.
1NN1T:
I’ll read it right now, Tech No Blade. Watch me.
1NN1T:
Ship I-496 Manual, Arctic Empire-
TECHNO:
That doesn’t say Arctic Empire.
1NN1T:
Yes it fuckin’ does, look theres the A, and thats the R-
TECHNO:
Artificial. It says Artificial-Run Engine. Model 32.
1NN1T:
That’s basically the same thing.
TECHNO:
Tommy, d’you… know how to read?
1NN1T:
Obviously.
TECHNO:
Y’know, it's okay if you don’t. Stuff happens.
1NN1T:
I do. It’s just… hard, sometimes. I dunno. They didn’t really care about that kinda stuff. Plus I can figure it out well enough in context. Usually.
TECHNO:
Is that why you didn’t want to read? Earlier.
1NN1T:
Fuck off, Techno.
TECHNO:
I can read them to you.
1NN1T:
I said, fuck- wait, what?
TECHNO:
I’ll read ‘em to you.
1NN1T:
…Why?
TECHNO:
I dunno. You’re bored. I’m bored. Cetacea is still a couple hours away. We have time to kill.
1NN1T:
Okay.
TECHNO:
Which story?
1NN1T:
I can’t read ‘em, Blade. You choose.
TECHNO:
Fine. Ever heard of the story of Theseus?
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 3 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 4]
TECHNO:
Tommy. Tommy, wake up.
1NN1T:
Hrrngh?
TECHNO:
Tommy. Wake up. You fell asleep.
1NN1T:
I noticed. We’re in the middle of space, the fuck did you wake me up for?
TECHNO:
That.
[SILENCE.]
1NN1T:
Woah.
TECHNO:
I told you Cetacea was cool.
1NN1T:
You didn’t say there were space whales. You were just being vague and ominous. I didn’t know they still existed.
TECHNO:
There’s not many of ‘em left. This galaxy is one of the last places.
1NN1T:
Tubbo would’ve loved this.
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Yeah. He always wanted to see one.
TECHNO:
Did you know that they’re not actually whales? They just look incredibly similar to the Cetacea family, back on Terria. They have these but smaller in their waters.
1NN1T:
How d’you know more about my home planet than me?
TECHNO:
Lots of free time. Runnin’ an Empire is a lot more errands than you’d expect.
1NN1T:
Tell me more, then.
TECHNO:
Space dolphins are almost genetically identical to space whales.
1NN1T:
Really?
TECHNO:
Yeah. Evolution just- took a wrong turn at the last step, I guess.
1NN1T:
That’s cool.
TECHNO:
Most of the universe is.
1NN1T:
Hey, Techno?
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Thank you. For picking me up. Not… leaving me, and stuff.
TECHNO:
...Yeah, kid. Don’t mention it.
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 4 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 5]
1NN1T:
Okay. Okay. We can do this.
TECHNO:
We?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
Tommy, you’re not getting off the ship.
1NN1T:
What? Why the fuck not? It’s the transmitter to contact my crew, I should be the one getting it!
TECHNO:
You’re too recognizable. Have you seen yourself?
1NN1T:
Yeah! I’m the epitome of stealth!
TECHNO:
I’ll be quick, okay? Just in and out.
1NN1T:
Techno, I’m coming with you.
TECHNO:
No, you're not.
1NN1T:
What the fuck, Techno? You’re not my dad.
TECHNO:
Tommy, you’re gonna get recognized. I’m already recognizable enough. A piglin and a- whatever you are?
1NN1T:
Human.
TECHNO:
Yeah. Not a good idea.
1NN1T:
Techno, please. Let me come.
TECHNO:
Don’t you trust me? I saved you already once. Let me just get the transmitter, Tommy. I’ll be right back.
1NN1T:
Techno-
TECHNO:
Don’t burn anythin’ down.
[A HISS of a door closing.]
1NN1T:
Techno?
[SILENCE.]
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 5 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 6]
TECHNO:
Got it.
1NN1T:
Did you actually?
TECHNO:
Obviously. First try, even.
1NN1T:
Holy shit! This means we can actually contact them! Like- properly!
TECHNO:
Yeah. Wasn’t that the point of gettin’ it in the first place?
1NN1T:
Well- yeah. It’s just actually happening now, y’know?
TECHNO:
Sure.
1NN1T:
So. Lets use it?
TECHNO:
We gotta go back into deep space again first. Have you ever used a transmitter?
1NN1T:
Of course I have, just no one where I’m running from the government.
TECHNO:
You were a bounty hunter, how were you not on the run?
1NN1T:
Well- we were, but y’know. We had Tubbo. Didn’t really need to worry about this kinda stuff.
TECHNO:
How are you even alive?
1NN1T:
Pure fuckin’ luck! They call me Tommy Lucky Innit. Let's go.
TECHNO:
Yeah yeah, we’re going.
1NN1T:
Let me drive.
TECHNO:
Absolutely not.
1NN1T:
What! Why not?
TECHNO:
I don’t wanna lose my job, maybe. And my life.
1NN1T:
You’re the boss, you can’t get fired.
TECHNO:
I can definitely die, though.
1NN1T:
I’m not gonna kill us.
TECHNO:
No way, Tommy. Just sit here so I can show you how to use it. I can’t pilot and mod that at the same time.
1NN1T:
Ugh. Fine. Show me.
TECHNO:
Right, so the blue wire? Yank it out.
1NN1T:
That seems like a generally bad idea, Techno.
TECHNO:
D’you wanna contact your friends or not?
1NN1T:
Mimimi, I’m the Blade and I think I’m so cool-
TECHNO:
I am cool. Have you met me?
1NN1T:
Philza Minecraft, the only man ever, is way cooler than you.
TECHNO:
Okay, Tommy. Turn the thing on. Go to the settings.
1NN1T:
Uhuh.
TECHNO:
Wipe it entirely.
1NN1T:
Oooookay.
TECHNO:
D’you know how to set up Fres-D?
1NN1T:
Yeah.
TECHNO:
Set that up, then.
1NN1T:
Then what?
TECHNO:
Open up the back, and come take the wheel.
1NN1T:
You’re letting me drive?!
TECHNO:
Drive is a heavy word. We’re out of any radius, so. Just don’t go off track.
1NN1T:
I would never. I can’t believe you trust me for this.
TECHNO:
Eeeh. Trust you less to do the back of this.
1NN1T:
You fuckin’ suck.
TECHNO:
I can put it on auto-pilot.
1NN1T:
You still fuckin’ suck. Don’t touch my spaceship.
TECHNO:
Bruh.
1NN1T:
Are you done?
TECHNO:
Almost.
1NN1T:
How about now?
TECHNO:
Ever heard of patience?
1NN1T:
Stars forbid I’m excited to hear my friends voices for the first time in 20 rotations! C’mon, Techno, hurry up.
TECHNO:
This isn’t a voice transmitter, Tommy.
1NN1T:
Huh?
TECHNO:
It’s just location-based. It doesn’t transmit voices.
1NN1T:
Why the fuck not? Transmitters do both, don’t they?
TECHNO:
Most do. Not this one though.
1NN1T:
Why’d you steal a shitty transmitter?
TECHNO:
‘Cause it’s got a longer search reach. And also doesn’t send transmissions back, meanin’-
1NN1T:
You’re untraceable. That fucking sucks.
TECHNO:
You’ll see them soon, anyway. Just be patient.
1NN1T:
So where are they?
TECHNO:
Uh.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
They’re…. In the same galaxy you were stranded in.
1NN1T:
What?
TECHNO:
Yeah. Not- not your planet, just around it.
1NN1T:
Holy shit. They were looking for me.
TECHNO:
You still wanna go back?
1NN1T:
Of course! Techno, they’re- they were trying to find me.
TECHNO:
Yeah, kid.
1NN1T:
They didn’t forget me.
TECHNO:
You’re a lot of things, but forgettable isn’t one of ‘em. For better or worse, really.
1NN1T:
How did I only get your transmission, then?
TECHNO:
I was probably closer. Blocked it, or somethin’.
1NN1T:
Yeah. Probably.
TECHNO:
So… let's go.
1NN1T:
Fuck yeah!
[SHIP AUDIO: LOG 6 RECORDING TERMINATED.]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[DAYS UNTIL FINAL DESTINATION: 30 CYCLES]
[SHIP: ARCTIC EMPIRE, I-496]
[DAYS UNTIL FINAL DESTINATION: 30 CYCLES]
[INTERNAL SHIP AUDIO LOG 7]
1NN1T:
It’s so weird.
TECHNO:
What is?
1NN1T:
Seeing the same sky from a different perspective. I mean- on Tirani-A6, I’d look at them every night.
TECHNO:
Hm.
1NN1T:
Made my own constellation’s, y’know? Wrote them down, and everything.
TECHNO:
D’you have them?
1NN1T:
Nah. Left them there. I just- I wanted to get off that place, so I left… everything else behind.
TECHNO:
You sound like you regret it.
1NN1T:
I dunno, honestly. Maybe it’s for the best. Kind of an awful planet, really.
TECHNO:
Yeah?
1NN1T:
Absolutely. All the plants sucked ass. The water was purple. It was nice at first, and then it just kinda- I dunno. Got old, fast?
TECHNO:
Most things do when you’re exiled from space.
1NN1T:
Exiled?
TECHNO:
Exiled. Stranded. Whatever you wanna call it, I guess.
1NN1T:
Exiled sounds cooler than stranded. Stranded just fucking- sounds like I’m bad at my job.
TECHNO:
You are bad at your job. It’s why you were stranded.
1NN1T:
But people don’t have to know that!
TECHNO:
And exile sounds better?
1NN1T:
Exile sounds like I was chased out of my land, and had no other choice but to crashland on a very deserted, shitty planet.
TECHNO:
I don’t see how that's better.
1NN1T:
It just is, Techno. It’s not my fault you don’t have the intelligence to see it. Where’s the ship?
TECHNO:
Uh. Should be around this third moon, here. D’you know that Terria only ever has one moon?
1NN1T:
Of course I know, Techno. Why’re you nervous?
TECHNO:
I’m not nervous.
1NN1T:
Yeah you are. You do that- that fuckin’ thing. With your ear.
TECHNO:
What ear?
1NN1T:
Ugh, Techno!
TECHNO:
Look. It’s just- sometimes, things aren’t gonna be like we expect, okay?
1NN1T:
Whaddya mean?
TECHNO:
I dunno. It’s been a while, Tommy.
1NN1T:
And?
TECHNO:
Just- prepare for the worst, okay?
1NN1T:
You’re so pessimistic, Techno. They’re fine, okay? That's…
1NN1T:
That’s my ship.
TECHNO:
Fuck.
1NN1T:
W-what?
TECHNO:
Tommy, I-
1NN1T:
But- but the transmitter. It says it’s still working.
TECHNO:
It doesn’t need to be entirely… intact. To send a transmission.
1NN1T:
Look. Look, it’s just- half of it is blocked off, Techno. It could- they could still be alive.
TECHNO:
Look at the engines, Tommy.
1NN1T:
The engines aren’t my crew, Techno. They could be there. Rationing. We had enough there for three people for at least a couple years, if they really ration it out and-
TECHNO:
Tommy. It’s over, kid. I’m sorry.
1NN1T:
It’s not! It isn’t fucking over, Techno! They’re not dead! Look at the cockpit! It’s entirely intact, it’s fine, they could still be alive!
TECHNO:
The chances of it are astronomically low, Tommy.
1NN1T:
We have to fucking try! Let me try, Techno!
TECHNO:
Are you sure?
1NN1T:
I’ve never been more serious in my fucking life, Technoblade. You have to let me go.
TECHNO:
Fine. We’re gonna go together.
1NN1T:
You don’t need to come with me.
TECHNO:
I’m not leavin’ you to go check out the ruins of your old spaceship where your two crewmates are on the brink of death or already dead, okay? This isn’t an option.
1NN1T:
Okay.
TECHNO:
Okay.
1NN1T:
Thanks.
TECHNO:
Don’t worry about it. Suit up, kid.
1NN1T:
But- for real. D’you really think-?
TECHNO:
I don’t know, Tommy.
1NN1T:
But there’s a possibility? That they're alive?
TECHNO:
I don’t know.
1NN1T:
Okay.
TECHNO:
Okay.
1NN1T:
Let's go.
[SHUFFLING NOISES.]
[AN AIRLOCK HISS.]
[SHIP AUDIO LOG TRANSFERRED: SUIT LOG 1: BEGIN.]
TECHNO:
Tommy? Are you still with me?
1NN1T:
Yeah.
TECHNO:
Stay close to me, okay? Don’t let go of the string.
1NN1T:
I won’t.
TECHNO:
This parts’ all deadzone.
1NN1T:
How, it’s entirely sealed-
TECHNO:
Look. That section of the doors were compromised.
1NN1T:
Oh.
TECHNO:
Yeah.
1NN1T:
There’s still- there’s still the cockpit, though. Right?
TECHNO:
Tommy….
1NN1T:
There’s still a chance.
TECHNO:
Okay. Okay. You wait out here.
1NN1T:
But…
TECHNO:
Tommy. Please.
1NN1T:
Fine. Fine, fine, just- please? Hurry? It’s…
1NN1T:
It’s cold.
TECHNO:
Yeah, kid. I’ll be quick.
The air you breathe through the spacesuit is cold.
You take a deep breath before pressing the emergency opening button on the cockpit door. It’s an old enough model to have one, even.
You have left Tommy down the hallway, just out of sight.
You walk into the room.
The sight you see-
Your name is Technoblade, and you’ve been a space pirate for twelve years.
In the time you’ve spent pillaging and killing and ruining people’s lives, you decide in this moment that there’s nothing that is possibly more devastating than staring past the doors of a cockpit to see a perfectly preserved scene of-
Blood.
Blood, bone, and viscera.
There’s three bodies here. Nonsensically, you know one of them belongs to Tommy.
On cue, you hear whirring; deaf on Tommy’s ears, as the kid begins to come closer.
“Techno,” he says, voice glitching. “Te-no-”
“No,” Techno says, immediately. He holds an arm out to stop Tommy. “No way.”
“What the hell?” Tommy says, loud, inexplicable. “Let me see.”
You stare at him.
With eyes not his own, Tommy stares back at you.
Your arm drops back to your side. If he wants to see, you decide, staring down the hallway Tommy was in, he’ll see it.
”Oh stars.”
You drag your gaze back to the cockpit, staring as Tommy walks in. His hands, though it’s a weak word, cover his mouth. “Tubbo,” he says, voice cracking. He stares at the body slumped over the mid-console. “Purpled.”
You see it, when Tommy sees the third shape in the pilot’s seat.
My blond hair, he once told you, somewhere when looking out into the stars. I got from my dad.
The corpse has blond hair.
The Tommy that stands over it, hovering, shaking, does not.
“What the fuck?” He asks, hysterical.
You have no answer to give him.
“This is- why is my body here?” Tommy’s laughing, now. There is nothing funny about this. “I- I am me.”
He looks up at you. You stare back at metal.
“Techno,” he says, desperate. “Techno. I’m real, right?”
You have no answer to give him.
“Techno,” he pleads.
You have no answer to give him.
“Te- te- tech- pl - se-” his voice isn’t working anymore.
You do not know what's happening, frozen in place.
Only that you cannot stop this, as he reaches out to you.
He falls.
You stare down at the android on the floor. You picked him up from a stranded island. He's been your friend for the last two weeks.
ERROR, bluescreens what was once his face.
ERROR.
ERROR.
You've broken him. Broken, cracking electronic crying sounds echo through the halls, reverberating through your space suit.
This android's name is Tommy, and you've broken him.
There’s a button on his back.
“Let me see,” Tommy says again, insisting. There is desperation, even in his indiscernible face. “Techno.”
You shake your head, again, not trusting yourself to speak.
He presses closer to you, nearly against your suit. “You can’t stop me.”
“I can’t,” you say, voice steadier than you feel. “You don’t have to see it, Tommy. It’s- bad.”
“I have to,” Tommy says, almost an apology before he pushes past your arm.
”Oh stars.”
You drag your gaze back to the cockpit, staring as Tommy walks in. His hands, though it’s a weak word, cover his mouth. “Tubbo,” he says, voice cracking. He stares at the body slumped over the mid-console. “Purpled.”
You see it, when Tommy sees the third shape in the pilot’s seat.
My blond hair, he once told you, somewhere when looking out into the stars. I got it from my dad.
The corpse has blond hair.
The Tommy that stands over it, hovering, shaking, does not.
“What the fuck?” He asks, hysterical.
You have no answer to give him.
“This is- why is my body here?” Tommy’s laughing, now. There is nothing funny about this. “I- I am me.”
He looks up at you. You stare back at metal.
“Techno,” he says, desperate. “Techno. I’m real, right?”
You have no answer to give him.
“Techno,” he pleads.
You have no answer to give him.
“Te- te- tech- pl - se-” his voice isn’t working anymore.
You do not know what's happening, frozen in place.
Only that you cannot stop this, as he reaches out to you.
He falls.
You stare down at the android on the floor. You picked him up from a stranded island. He's been your friend for the last two weeks.
You've broken him. Broken, cracking electronic crying sounds echo through the halls, reverberating through your space suit.
This android's name is Tommy, and you've broken him.
There’s a button on his back.
You take a step back, away from the blood and the android on the floor.
There is already blood in your footsteps.
You do not look back.
Slowly, you lean over. At the back of Tommy’s neck there’s a small button.
You press it.
ERROR, the screen reads, before it switches; POWERING OFF.
You take a step back, away from the blood and dead corpse on the floor.
You wonder, momentarily, if Tommy would’ve liked to die surrounded by his crewmates.
There’s already blood in your footsteps as you walk away.
You do not look back.
“Let me see,” Tommy says again, insisting. There is desperation, even in his indiscernible face. “Techno.”
You shake your head, again, not trusting yourself to speak.
He presses closer to you, nearly against your suit. “You can’t stop me.”
“I can’t,” you say, voice steadier than you feel. “You don’t have to see it, Tommy. It’s- bad.”
“I have to,” Tommy says, almost an apology before he pushes past your arm.
In a moment of panic, you grab his arm.
Tommy shouts. Artificial pain, you know. “Let me go, Techno!”
“I won’t,” you say, promise, damnation and a prayer rolled in one. You are not a faithful person, in the vacuum of space.
The stars are your only witness.
Tommy yanks back; you don’t let go. Wires creak, under your grip.
The cockpit is just barely in Tommy’s view; you pull him to the floor, if only to spare him.
You do not spare him.
Tommy looks up at you, tears streaming down his face. “Techno,” he says, stubbornly, repeating, like a broken record. “Help me.”
The tears aren’t even real. You know this.
The metal arm trying to choke you is.
You push it away; too hard.
It rips; there is no blood, only oil and wire.
Tommy screams. It sounds human.
“I’m sorry,” you say, over and over. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
ERROR, his screen reads.
ERROR. ERROR. ERROR.
You pick him up, holding him to your chest.
You take him back to your ship.
You don’t look behind you.
[TWO MONTHS LATER]
You lean back, staring at your work. Lines rush across the screen, edited and tweaked over and over again.
“Tommy?” you call, without looking behind you.
“Techno!” the voice echoes from all around you; ship speakers.
You haven’t heard that voice in two months. Somehow, you miss it.
“Stars,” it crows loudly, with no filter. “I can’t believe you installed me into your ship cause you missed me so much. The Tech No Blade. Philza Minecraft is gonna be delighted to meet me.”
“Technoblade,” you repeat again, like a reminder and an echo. “One word.”
“You’re one word.”
You laugh. “Hi, Tommy.”