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Things with the team since he'd returned had been a little strained.
Hen and Chimney had been quick to welcome him back, warming up to him once more quite quickly…but he could still see the hesitation sometimes.
Bobby spoke to him, but the fatherly warmth was no longer present. He was allowed on calls and welcomed into his captains space, but he had yet to be invited back into the kitchen to cook with him.
Eddie didn't speak to him unless absolutely necessary on a call.
Buck also hadn't been formally invited to any hangouts, so when his phone began pinging with notifications - texts, Instagram, or otherwise - Buck was always quick to make himself busy so that he didn't sit there and watch the plans being made without him in real time.
He told himself that it was good, that the distance meant he didn't have a chance to become exhausting again…but it didn't stop the deep seated loneliness or the pangs of sadness when he realized no one even questioned his continued absence outside of the station.
This meant Buck suddenly had a lot of spare time on his hands, time he decided to fill with a hobby.
He’d always been interested in dioramas, an interest he’d kept secret and had never really indulged in, especially once he started traveling. But now he had the time, the space, and the extra money - since he wasn’t spending it on the kids, mainly Christopher, and other outings - to do so. His background with construction and various other odd jobs gave him a slight advantage as well.
Eventually, he joined a few miniature and diorama groups to trade tips and builds. It was fun, he’d finally made friends outside of his job and he had a hobby that didn’t include firefighting…which is why he really shouldn’t have been surprised when it all went to shit.
Since that seemed to be the story of his damn life.
***
The knock came too early in the morning on his day off, but it was one of the rare mornings that he was already awake.
Frowning, he moved to open the door.
“Athena?” His frown deepened, his head tilting in confusion. His gaze moved past her to a detective. “What’s going on?”
“Morning, Buckaroo,” Athena’s tone was kind, but contained a tense edge. “Can we come in?”
“Uh, sure?” He stepped to the side, “I’ve got coffee going if you’d like some?”
“Yes, please.” The detective perked up at the offer.
“Buck, this is Detective Rick Romero.” Athena introduced them as she poured her coffee. “I wish I could say this was a social call, but unfortunately we’re here in an official capacity.” She nodded to Detective Romero before turning away to pull down a couple more mugs.
“Is this your work?” He produced several photos from a file before passing them over to Buck, who immediately began flipping through them.
“Yeah!” He couldn’t help his proud grin. “I was commissioned to make all four of them, but a lot of these details weren’t included.” He frowned at the first two pictures. “Is that blood?” His eyes went wide as he looked between Athena and the detective, who exchanged glances.
“Buck, why don’t you sit down.” He nodded numbly at Athena’s gentle words, sinking into a chair at the dining table.
“How did you get into making miniatures?”
“Dioramas.” He corrected the detective on autopilot before shooting him a sheepish look. “Sorry.”
“That’s okay. How did you get into making dioramas?”
“Uh, I’ve really always been interested, but it wasn’t until recently that I’ve been able to do it. I used to work a lot of odd jobs that translate well into making the dioramas, plus I’ve had a lot of time on my hands recently so I figured it would be fun to finally try out a new hobby that I’ve always been fascinated by.”
“And commissioning?” Detective Romero was writing quickly, though he paused to toss a thanks at Athena when she set a mug of coffee down next to him. Buck also thanked her a moment later when she set a mug down next to him.
“That’s a new thing. I joined a few forums about a month ago? This guy reached out, said he liked my work and asked if I could make a few for him. He wanted five, but the fifth one was a little outside of my wheelhouse at the time.”
“And now?”
“Now I could do it, but he said he figured it out himself.”
“This guy, did you ever meet in person?” Athena leaned forward in her chair.
“No, we talked exclusively through DM’s and he had me ship each one to a PO box.”
“Do you still have the information?”
“Uh, yeah,” Buck got up and moved towards the stairs. He’d rearranged a portion of the loft so that he could have a dedicated space to work on builds.
He rummaged through the desk drawers before finding his notes about the commission, then headed back downstairs.
“Here,” He handed everything over to the detective, “That’s everything relating to the builds, including a few notes on the fifth one.” He turned his attention to Athena. “What’s going on, ‘Thena?”
“Buck, there really isn’t an easy way to say this…” She put a hand on his arm. “The dioramas you made, they were each found at the scene of murder.”
“W-what? Y-you don’t think-”
“-No. No, I don’t think you’re involved in the murders themselves. I think you’re just an unfortunate victim in all of this.”
“Athena, you know I wouldn’t have made them if I’d known what they were going to be used for.” His eyes were wide, pleading.
“I know, Buck. And those notes will prove that you were commissioned without knowledge of the murders, as will any payment receipts you have.”
He nodded, shoulders slumping in relief.
The next hour was spent with Buck answering more questions and handing over all of the documentation he had for the chats, the designs, payments, and anything else potentially connected. Rick left first, thanking Buck and telling him he’d be in touch. Athena stuck around for a little longer, though.
“So…extra free time?” It was asked carefully, but Buck still stiffened. “Care to explain? I’ve missed seeing you when we all get together.”
Let it be known that it was never a good idea to lie to Athena.
“I haven’t been invited, didn’t want to risk making anyone uncomfortable by just showing up.” He carefully avoided her gaze as he began cleaning up.
“How have things been at the station?”
“Fine,” He shrugged, still avoiding her gaze.
“So fine, you took up a hobby.”
“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’.
“Buck-”
“-You should get back out there. If this guy is using the dioramas to showcase his murders, then that means you have one more out there to solve.”
Let it be known that it was also not a good idea to interrupt Athena.
“Just do me a favor?” He was probably asking too much, but he couldn’t help it. “Don’t tell the others? I don’t want them to think I’m complaining or trying to make them let me back in before they’re ready.”
He heard her sigh, but still didn’t dare to look her way.
“Okay, Buckaroo. I’ll keep quiet about this for now,” It was the best he was going to get and he knew it, “But we will be discussing this once the case is over.” He could hear that it was both a promise and a threat.
“I look forward to it.” He really wasn’t, but there was no other response that he could give.
When the door finally shut behind Athena, Buck let his body slump. His knees buckled, no longer able to support him.
He couldn’t seem to stop ruining things.
***
Buck was supposed to be working a 48, but he’d landed on his bad leg wrong during a rescue. Eddie had ratted him out, probably taking the opportunity to be rid of him sooner, and Buck couldn’t quite cover up his slight limp so Bobby sent him home for the day. He didn’t really say anything, but Buck could feel his disappointment. He could also practically hear Bobby calling him a liability again.
Before he left Buck decided to shower, foregoing dinner to avoid everyone’s judgment and any snide comments about him suing them again. The tonnes rang while he was washing his hair, the sound of the trucks pulling out a minute later making his shoulders relax as he finished up and got dressed.
At least no one would be around to witness his walk of shame out of the bay doors.
Or, well…his limp of shame.
He’d just gotten the driver side door unlocked and open, his bag immediately tossed haphazardly to the passenger side, when he heard footsteps approaching rapidly behind him. He didn’t quite manage to turn before he was hit with a blinding pain.
Then it all went dark.
***
Athena knew.
The moment Buck’s name popped up in their system, some part of her had known his involvement was intentional.
Not on his part, that boy didn’t have a single viscious bone in his body, but she knew their suspect had involved him for a reason.
She just wished she’d seen it sooner.
Because now they were too late.
Now the killer had Buck.
She and Romero had been pouring over all of the evidence for days when they’d finally gotten a hit: Nathan Davis, the adopted son of their original suspect who had killed herself before they could arrest her. Then he’d just…walked right into the station.
His interrogation was a bust, the man having gone slightly catatonic, but not before telling Athena she needed to hurry.
That Buck was already so cold.
Rick had barely been able to keep up with her as she’d raced to the car, the lights and sirens immediately coming on as they drove to the 118.
They’d arrived just as the team was returning from a structure fire, with a confused Bobby telling her he’d sent Buck home after a bad landing…but then she found his jeep still in the parking lot. The driver side door was wide open, the keys were in the seat, his bag had been tossed inside, his phone lay cracked on the pavement, and a diorama had been left on the hood.
There were no other signs of a struggle.
The stations footage of the parking lot didn’t help much, either. It showed Buck limping his way to the jeep in jeans and a light jacket and it showed him being tased in the neck before dropping like a rock to the ground. It showed Nathan carefully setting the miniature on Buck’s hood. It showed Buck being hoisted up and shoved into a trunk that he didn’t really fit into before a generic car with no plates drove off.
They had the timeline, they knew that Nathan had taken Buck and returned just over six hours later. Now they just needed the where.
The diorama wasn’t much help beyond traumatizing all of them.
It just showed a car laid on top of Buck in what looked like desert scenery. But there was too much desert to cover for them to just start searching.
Athena just had to pray Buck could hold out long enough for the CSI’s to provide answers.
***
He’d almost managed to escape.
He’d gotten his hands free, he’d gotten out of the trunk, he’d managed to surprise his kidnapper…but then the car had spun and Buck had gone through the windshield. His body, still reeling from being tased, had given up on him before he could muster the energy to even try to run away.
Buck woke in the backseat, his hands bound once more.
He tried to reason with the man who’d taken him, but he kept dipping in and out of consciousness.
“Let’s see if Athena loves you as much as my mommy loved me.” The tone he’d used when he’d said it made Buck’s skin crawl, the implications of that statement disgustingly clear as he lost the fight with consciousness once more.
***
The faint rumble of thunder was the first thing he became aware of when consciousness seeped back in. The rough, sandy ground was the next. Then came the cold.
Then the crushing weight on his leg.
The crushing weight on his bad leg.
The adrenaline rush hit him hard as he quickly catalogued his surroundings, miles of open desert with no lights to tell him how far away help was, before he was twisting slightly to find a car being lowered down onto him.
The irony of it being a red car was not lost on him.
Buck had begged, screamed, pleaded as he tried to get his leg free and reason with his kidnapper to let him go…but it was all in vain.
He’d laughed once Buck’s arm was also pinned under the settled car, had told him good luck as if he actually meant it, and then he’d left Buck alone.
***
He didn’t know how much time passed before a snuffling sound caught his attention. The grey coat of a coyote flashing at the edge of his vision, sending a spark of terror through him.
Then the first few drops of rain fell, scaring the coyote away.
Then the rain kept falling and the ground became too wet to keep absorbing it, and suddenly Buck was fighting to remind himself that he wasn’t pinned beneath a firetruck again and he wasn’t caught in a tsunami again.
Although a mudslide was a real, terrifying possibility.
Eventually, Buck was able to calm himself enough to realize that he could use the rising water to his advantage. He freed his leg first, sobbing in relief as he flexed and lightly stretched the stiff, painful limb but he didn’t have time to celebrate too much since the water was now up to his chin and his left arm was still trapped.
Buck had broken bones before plenty of times, but he’d never had to actively choose to break his own arm.
The first snap almost made him pass out, the pain and the shock combining lethally with the cold seeping in.
The second caused him to inhale the disgusting, muddy water .
But it was worth it since he’d freed his arm…now he just needed to get out before he drowned. Taking a final deep breath, Buck sank below the murky water, grabbed the rearview mirror on instinct, and pulled himself free until the freezing rain was hitting him directly.
Then he was faced with miles of muddy desert, freezing temperatures, and no one looking for him.
So he began walking, knowing he was likely going to die.
***
Eddie was losing his mind with worry.
All of the anger and hurt that he’d been hanging onto since the news of the lawsuit hit suddenly seemed trivial in the face of Buck’s disappearance.
Buck, his best friend, the man he’d been punishing for two months.
The man he-
Eddie shook his head aggressively, resuming his pacing. Now was not the time to let Hen get in his head about his feelings towards Buck.
His completely platonic feelings.
He shook his head once more before the TV flashing with a weather alert caught his attention. He grimaced when he saw the news about heavy rains and flash flooding hitting some of the desert areas, knowing they would probably be getting some of the outer bands within the city soon.
He was about to resume his pacing when a thought suddenly hit him. He’d seen the miniature, they all had, but something about it had felt off to Eddie. It felt like something had been missing.
Glancing at the screen once more, Eddie felt dread settle in his stomach.
“Athena,” He didn’t take his eyes off the TV as he called out for her.
“What’s wrong?” She sounded impatient, something he couldn’t really blame her for.
“I think I know what’s missing from the miniature.”
“Diorama,” She corrected him absently.
“Whatever,” He ignored the way she stiffened out of the corner of his eye. “The rain. It’s missing the rain.”
He grabbed someone’s half empty water bottle from one of the side tables, then made his way over to the diorama. Not bothering to ask for permission, he tipped the bottle until the water began falling and the tiny moving figure began drowning.
Buck was drowning.
Somewhere out there, Buck was reliving his worst nightmares once more and there was nothing Eddie could do to stop it.
***
The call came in around dawn, with everyone scrambling to go despite their destination being well outside of their jurisdictions.
Chimney and Athena’s detective friend met up with air ops and went ahead in their helicopter. Bobby rode with Hen in the ambulance, but Athena had ordered Eddie into her car with a stern look that warned him against arguing.
The first two hours of the drive was mostly silent beyond the occasional radio chatter, then Athena apparently decided she was done waiting for him to talk.
“You need to get over this anger of yours and talk to him.”
“Already planned on it.” His tone was clipped.
“Was that plan in place before or after you found out he’d been kidnapped by a serial killer?” His silence was answer enough. “I don’t know what more that boy can do to show you he’s sorry. He’s apologized, he’s respected your distance, he’s kept himself isolated outside of shifts just to make sure none of you are uncomfortable.”
And wasn’t that just a gut punch? Buck, a man who thrived on social gatherings and casual touches, had been denying himself their company because he thought he’d be making them uncomfortable with his presence.
Eddie knew it was his own fault, his vehement denial anytime Buck’s name was mentioned as part of their invite lists making it clear he didn’t want the man around. He’d noticed how quiet and distant Buck had become lately, the lack of fun facts, the lack of loud laughter…the absence of his presence in the loft outside of meals.
Although, thinking about it right then, Buck even seemed miles away during meals. Making himself smaller and sitting at the far end of the table away from them…away from Eddie.
“I’m not the only one at fault. It’s not like any of them are tripping over themselves to hang out with him either.” The deflection came easier than he wanted to admit. “Bobby still doesn’t let Buck cook with him, Hen and Chimney don’t invite him to game with them during downtime…why are you acting like it’s all on me?”
“Have you considered that maybe,” Athena glanced at him briefly, “They haven’t done those things because of you?”
Eddie felt it would’ve been kinder if she’d slapped him.
“It’s a shared space.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“And you’re anger is loud.” He clenched his jaw at her words. “So loud, in fact, that Buck would apparently rather suffer in silence than believe he was allowed to also be angry. He doesn’t have anyone outside of the 118, not like the rest of you. You all have families to come home to, but he doesn’t-”
“-That’s such a load of fucking bullshit,” He was definitely getting a earful later, “He has Maddie, he had me and Christopher! What? Were we just not good enough for him?” He knew he was getting too loud for the enclosed space, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “He decided we weren’t good enough, he decided that a lawsuit was more important than being there for Christopher-”
“-Are you sure he knew you two were an option?” Athena’s sudden interruption made him pause. “This is Buck we’re talking about. The human personification of a golden retriever, one that’s been kicked so many times that he doesn’t trust that he actually has a home.”
Eddie hadn’t even considered the fact that Buck would be questioning his place in their lives.
“But…I told him. I told him that there was no one in this world I trusted more with Christopher than him.”
“With Christopher…but what about with you?”
He hadn’t, and Athena seemed to take his silence as an answer.
“He left us, Athena. He abandoned us, just like Shannon did.”
“Eddie,” He hated how gentle her voice was, “Buck isn’t Shannon.” His breath hitched as the soft rebuke. “Unless…you’re saying he is in some way?”
“I’m not gay!” The words ripped out of him, his heart beating hard enough that he worried it would burst out of his chest due to the rising panic.
“I didn’t say you were?” Athena sounded rightfully bewildered.
“I-I’m not in love with him, either!” His hand gripped the door handle like his life depended on it.
Maybe it did.
“I didn’t say that either.” Her tone was mild, careful. “But,” Eddie stiffened, “You know it would be okay if you were, right? Gay and in love with him, I mean. There’s nothing wrong with both of those things being true.”
Before he could form a response, the radio crackled to life once more.
“We found it!” Chimney’s voice filtered through, offering Eddie a needed reprieve while violently reminding them what was at stake.
Chimney gave directions from the air until they’d all arrived at the devastating scene.
Because the car was practically buried under hardened mud.
“Buck…” His vision blurred with tears.
There’s no way he survived that.
“Start digging!” Bobby’s voice was full of barely contained panic, jolting Eddie from his grief.
Someone handed Eddie a shovel that he took automatically, then he began digging.
***
“C’mon,” He stumbled, “Got-gotta keep going.”
The sun should have been warm, but it was like he couldn’t feel anything but the freezing numbness as he stumbled through the desert. His teeth chattered constantly, his breath rattling through his chest as he took one shaky step after another. His damp jacket had come off at some point so that he could use it to support his broken arm since it wasn’t really going to do anything to keep him warm.
Maybe he should have stayed with the car, but he hadn’t been sure if his kidnapper would be coming back or not, so walking was his only option.
With no way of knowing which direction meant safety, Buck was likely to die out here.
He couldn’t find it in him to care as he put one shaky foot in front of the other.
***
“We’re definitely on the right path. We just found another rock stack.” Eddie couldn’t help the breath of relief that escaped him when Hen’s words crackled through the radio.
He and Athena had taken to the road while Chimney had returned to the helicopter with Detective Romero.
“Did you mean it earlier?” He didn’t take his eyes off the barren landscape flying by outside the window.
“Hmm?”
“When you said that, you know, it was okay?” His hands clenched into fists, his eyes still scanning the landscape.
“Of course I did. When have you known me to ever say things I don’t mean?”
Eddie sucked in another breath.
“I’m in love with Buck.”
***
His leg buckling shouldn’t have been a surprise, but he still somehow wasn’t expecting it.
He tried to get back up, he really did, but he was so cold.
Buck collapsed fully onto the desert floor, tucking his nose into the collar of his shirt to protect his airway somewhat from the needle-like sand being blown in the freezing wind.
His eyes eventually grew too heavy to keep open, his breathing slowing more than it should…then the shivering stopped.
***
“Athena, turn now!” The glint of light had immediately caught his attention, his instincts screaming that it was important.
The car turned sharply, Athena cursing under her breath, but his attention was zeroed in on the collapsed form coming into focus.
Eddie didn’t wait for Athena to finish coming to a stop before he was shoving the door open and rushing over to Buck’s still form. Collapsing to his knees, his hands immediately pulled Buck’s shirt collar out of the way so that he could press his shaking fingers to Buck’s too-cold neck.
“Eddie!” Athena’s sudden shout caused him to jump. “Is he alive?” He could hear the faint tremble in her voice.
He pressed his fingers harder against Buck’s neck, praying for proof of life.
“He’s got a pulse! It’s faint, though!” He stood quickly, rushing to the trunk for a thermal blanket and a towel. “Tell them he’s hypothermic!” He shouted the last part as he skid to a halt next to Buck. “His arm is broken,” He planted his knee on the blanket to keep it from blowing away as he rushed through a field assessment. “Severe sunburns and dehydration.” He reached down to pull up Buck’s pant legs. “Bruising on his legs, some swelling, but no visible breaks!”
Eddie worked on removing the damp clothes. Pulling off the shoes and socks first, then his pants. He elected to leave his boxers on to protect from the rough sand. Getting his shirt off ended with Eddie pulling out his knife to cut the offending material away. He roughly brushed the towel over Buck’s limp body, drying him off as best as he could.
Eddie got the blanket tucked around him next, but the pale pallor of his skin and the faint blue tinge to his lips wasn’t reassuring.
“Let them know that I got a thermal blanket on him, but I didn’t have anything dry to put on him!” Something was better than nothing right now, at least that’s what he told himself as he shifted his focus towards getting Buck to open his eyes. “Buck!” He smacked his cheek. “C’mon, bud, open those eyes for me.”
Buck remained unresponsive as the helicopter landed, not even twitching when he was loaded onto a backboard a few moments later.
“Can I go with him?” He’d grabbed the closest person, eyes wide and pleading.
“Yes, but you’ll need to stay out of the way!”
He glanced back at Athena, who nodded, then he was rushing to get into the helicopter with Buck. Eddie couldn’t help but grab Buck’s hand after the medic team got an IV line inserted into his hand and settled back on the board.
The breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding until the moment Buck’s eyes blearily blinked open, roaming the cabin until they connected with Eddie’s, left him in a rush. He felt Buck’s limp grip around his fingers twitch, trying to tighten, so Eddie gave him a watery smile of encouragement.
His apology and subsequent love confession to Buck could wait, for now he was just going to bask in the knowledge that Buck was alive.