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The sun was hot on Ash’s back as he walked back to his and Eiji’s apartment. He carried a couple of bags of groceries on his arms, containing ingredients for their meals for the week. He still remembered rolling his eyes inhumanely back at the sight of natto and tofu on the list Eiji provided him. He did seem pretty serious on it though, he’s always serious about their healths. In fact, he seemed a bit more off today than usual. But Ash was sure Eiji would be pleased that he also bought their favorite chocolate muffins. After all, it’s always okay to have a bit of sweets every little bit.
When Ash reached the top of the steps to their door, he reached in his pocket for the key, taking it out and inserting it in the keyhole. He nudged the door opened after unlocking and closed it with a gentle knock on his heel, locking it behind him. “Eiji, I’m home!” Ash announced, walking to the kitchen and placing the bags down on the counter. He raised an eyebrow at the lack of response. Weird. He always responds when he’s home. And Eiji never said he was going out today. “Eiji? I said I’m home!” Okay, super weird. Maybe he’s in the bathroom? Right as Ash was about to go look, he heard clacking on their wood floor. It was Buddy, his nails pattering on the floor as he trotted towards Ash, whimpering. “Hey, Bud. Where’s otōsan at?” He bent down and scratched the golden retriever’s ears, but the dog only gave another whimper in response. He trudged over back to where he came from which was Ash and Eiji’s bedroom, looking back to see if his dad was following.
Dogs are smart animals, and if Buddy wanted Ash to follow him to their bedroom while whimpering, then that must mean…
Eiji.
Shit, something must be wrong with him.
Ash speed walked to their bedroom, nudging their door opened more than it already was. All he saw was Buddy hurrying back towards a sitting figure on the end of their bed. Still. Unmoving. Like a statue. Eiji.
Ash circled the bed to get a better look at his partner. He tried to get in his peripheral vision. Nothing. He then fully got in front of him, still nothing. Eiji sat with his hands placed neatly on his lap, but his face holds no expression whatsoever. The usual light from his currently half-lidded eyes are gone, his irises are now just dark pools of nothingness. Eyes that are usually wide and beautiful, now dead-looking. It was like he died sitting up. And it started to freak Ash the hell out. A lot. He knew exactly what was happening. And he could feel his heart hammering. Eiji was not okay.
“Shit…” Ash muttered to himself. He looked down at Buddy, who whimpered once they locked eyes with each other, his tail thumping anxiously. “I know, Bud. I’m sorry, I think otōsan is just having a bad day. Go to your bed, yeah? I’ll take care of him.” Ash gently ordered the retriever which he seemed to hesitantly follow, leaving the room to lay on his dog bed that was placed in the living room.
Once Ash made sure Buddy was settled, he directed his attention back to Eiji, his mind racing on what the hell he was supposed to do. His poor Eiji was dissociating. He has gone through this himself, but he usually didn’t have anyone to bring him out of it or ground him. “Eiji?” Ash kept his voice quiet, squatting down so he was in Eiji’s full view even though he was completely gone at the moment. “Can you hear me?” Ash tried. Still nothing. Ash lips pursed into a thin line in thought. He looked around the room for something, anything. Then a sudden lightbulb turned on in his mind. He quickly but quietly rushed to the living room, giving Buddy a reassuring look, and grabs a blanket that they had lying on their couch. He went back to the bedroom, unfolded the blanket, and carefully draped it over his lover’s shoulders. Eiji needed something to feel, and a blanket was the best he could think of at the moment for that. Good. Now to try some more grounding techniques.
“Eiji.” Ash squatted down to Eiji’s level once more. “Come back to me, sunshine.” Ash gave a soft smile even though Eiji unfortunately may not see it. Ash thought again for a moment. He looked down at his own hands, then brought them up. He very carefully brushed his fingertips against Eiji’s, not wanting to scare him with the full feeling of a sudden touch. He wanted to bring Eiji back slowly. Too much sudden touches and loud noises could likely make things worse. “Come on, songbird. Bring yourself back for me.” Ash made sure to keep using familiar nicknames he would usually call Eiji to hopefully draw Eiji’s attention. He also kept inching his hands more until he fully held his lover’s hands in his palms. He gave Eiji’s soft knuckles a couple of strokes with his thumbs, never taking his eyes off of his.
After a few minutes, Ash’s methods seemed to work. Ash’s eyes widened a bit when Eiji’s own eyes started to flutter, the sparkle in his eyes coming back. He also felt Eiji’s hands squeeze Ash’s very lightly. After another minute of blinking, Eiji managed to move his head and finally focus his attention on his partner. He looked dazed and confused. On the other hand, Ash was just relieved when he practically saw Eiji’s soul returning to his body. “There he is. My angel. How do you feel?” Ash’s jade eyes focused on Eiji’s deep, dark ones, testing to see if Eiji was fully coherent. He saw Eiji’s lips part to speak, but he closed it. The poor guy was still recovering, still gathering all of his thoughts. But then he opened his mouth to speak again. “Kowagatta...” Eiji muttered, making Ash squeeze Eiji’s hands a bit more empathetically. Since English was not Eiji’s first language, it would make sense Japanese would be the first language he would speak right after coming out of such an intense trance like that.
But Ash has been with his Eiji long enough to understand.
“I know. That can be pretty scary. What can you feel around you right now?” Ash let Eiji think for a moment, letting him respond in any way he can. Eiji let go of one of Ash’s hands to feel the blanket around his shoulders as if he was just now realizing it was there. “Attakai. Blanket, hand.” Eiji moved his head to look down at Ash’s pale hand gripping his. Ash connected that Eiji was associating everything he felt that was warm. “Yeah, good job.” Ash praised. “Can you-“
What cut Ash off was Eiji falling forward and slumped into his lover in a messy hug. Ash instinctively caught his lover in his arms, immediately understanding what his Eiji needed. His arms wrapped around Eiji, giving extra warmth that the blanket gave as they fully sunk down to the floor. Ash felt a growing wetness on his shoulder and he realized Eiji was crying. “Okay, alright, breathe. Breathe, sunshine. I got you.” Ash soothed, rubbing Eiji’s back. “I was- I’m sorry-“ Eiji was trembling, holding his partner like he was the only living being left on earth. “Hey, what did I say? Breathe, Eiji. Don’t you dare apologize for anything.” Ash reminded, holding Eiji tighter, moving his hand to stroke his hair.
They stayed on the floor next to their bed, tangled up as they held each other close. Ash whispered soft reassurances to Eiji which helped him calm a bit. During those couple minutes, Ash put together that Eiji’s emotions came flowing back to him, hitting him like a bus once he came back to reality, which was why it caused a sudden panic in him. When Ash was sure Eiji was calm, he pulled back, cupping Eiji’s face to get him to look at him. “You’re safe, okay? I love you so much.” Ash wiped the last of Eiji’s tears. They then both heard clacking on the floor, growing closer to them. Buddy peeked from the other side of the bed, whimpering, his tail thumping. He panted anxiously as he moved to where his owners were, nudging his wet nose under Eiji’s hand, and for the first time since this whole situation, it made him crack a slight smile, petting the dog gently atop of his golden, furry head.
“Wanna talk about it?” Ash prompted, holding Eiji’s other hand. “Not right now.” Eiji sniffed. “Just want to be with you.” He adjusted to lay back on his lover’s chest, leaning his head to rest on his shoulder. Buddy crawled on Eiji’s lap, lying down and placing his head on Eiji’s thighs. Ash nodded, moving the sizable blanket to wrap around all of them.
“Whatever you want, Eiji. I’ll be here.”