Chapter Text
Aurelia really needed to find a new hobby.
Risk was a terrible game. It was stupid, terrible, and she hated it. It was slow paced, boring and utterly ridiculous.
If she really thought about it, Aurelia had no idea why she kept playing it, she had much better things to do.
Probably.
She was sure there was at least one thing better to do.
Of course, this opinion had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she was currently losing. No, losing was too soft a word. She was being utterly dominated.
You see, Aurelia had a problem. A problem that always beat her at these games and never let her win.
Her problem was her gaming friend called ‘Dominare’.
Dominare was an impeccably intelligent strategy gamer. Often, no matter the game, Dominare would flatten her. At times, she would allow Aurelia to come back, to rise from the smoking ashes of her destroyed plans.
Just to bait Aurelia into over extending and then destroy her even harder. As long as they remained on strategy games, it was a forgone conclusion.
Unless it was any other type of game. Dominare would not be able to function otherwise.
It meant Aurelia got to win.
But not in this case. Aurelia was currently losing, quite badly.
Normally, Dominare would be gloating about it, talking about her ‘impeccable intelligence’ and how her ‘victory was inevitable’. Thankfully, someone had stolen her microphone to make her stop being so loud at night. Thank you, Air Groove, whoever you are.
Regardless, Aurelia watched the dice rolls as her final troops were destroyed and she officially lost.
- Well played Domi, you had me beat right from the start.
- Of course I did! My strategies know no bounds in their perfection! Someone such as yourself could not hope to defeat my genius!
- I, do hope you had fun though.
Aurelia smiled. No matter the bluster in Dominare’s words, she always wanted to make sure Aurelia enjoyed it as well. She suspected that the person behind the account didn’t have any other people around that she was able to be friends with. It only made Aurelia happier to be able to be that person for them.
I had plenty of fun Domi, don’t you worry about that. -
- Good! People should always have fun in the presence of the supreme commander!
Dominare, one day, I’m going to beat you, and you won’t be able to stop me. -
- I look forward to seeing you try to defeat me, for I know that you shall never do so!
Alright then, I’m off to bed Domi, you really shouldn’t stay up too late either. -
- You are not my mother Borealis! But, good night though. Sleep well.
Aurelia smiled as she logged off, shutting down her laptop. She stood slowly, feeling the joints in her back pop after hours of sitting with, admittedly, terrible posture. “Man, chiropractor’s hate to see me coming.”
The glow of the PC screen had been the only light in the room, so Aurelia’s room was plunged into darkness without it. Switching on her phone’s light, she carefully made her way into the bathroom. The three room apartment wasn’t much. A living room that was also a kitchen, with separate rooms only for a bathroom and bedroom, both of which were small and cramped. It wasn’t much, but it was hers.
The sound of the running faucet echoed around the small bathroom, Aurelia using its water to wash her face. The warm water was soothing against her skin. The chance to close her eyes after many hours of staring at the bright screen made her realize the terrible headache she had.
Aurelia reached under the counter to search for some form of pain killer, only to find empty boxes.
Nothing. Nothing to soothe the pounding pain hammering away at her skull.
Ah yes, that's right, she’d run out and couldn’t afford more after her job cut her hours.
She left the lights off, she needed to save the money from the power bill. So instead, she turned and headed to her bed. Aurelia only stubbed her toe 13 times, an improvement on the 17 of last night.
Eventually, Aurelia stood at the foot of her unmade, bed. She hadn’t made it in days. She didn’t see in any point in doing so.
The sheets hadn’t been washed either, she quite simply couldn’t afford that. Food was scarce as well, she’d gone without dinner.
But it didn’t matter.
All of those sacrifices, the losing of simple things, was so she could have the very thing that sat on her bedside table.
Estrogen.
The small bottle of pills lay there, the single most important thing in her life. The reason she had left her family at merely 17, the reason she had left behind everything she knew.
The same reason her sister had left her when she was a child.
Tears welled up in her eyes at the thought. Her sister, Thea, had been the single best thing in her life. She was the kindest person she had ever known. Always looked out for her and everyone else. She seemed to always have love left for another person. As if the love her parents didn’t show had been funneled into a saint of an older sister. She was so brave, being openly trans when their own parents hated her so much for it. She had taken beatings in her place. Given up meals for no other reason but because she decided Aurelia needed it more.
And then she left.
Abandoned her.
Doomed her to be all alone in a household where the only guarantee was pain.
Aurelia shook herself, pushing the memories away. Quickly, she opened the bottle and placed two pills in her mouth. She swallowed dry, a slight gag reflex kicking in but, she pushed it down. It was merely the newest in a long line of discomforts.
She shed herself of her day clothes and changed into her sleep clothes.
Not pajama’s.
Merely old clothes that no longer fit, but lacking the money to replace them. Oh well, it had only been a few years, she was sure to get at least another few out of them.
She lay down on her bed, staring up at the dark roof above her.
It was featureless, just a bland, flat roof. Aurelia supposed that every roof was boring, but in that moment, it felt as if it defined her life until that point. Boring, uninteresting, incredibly lame.
She wondered about Thea often. If she was doing well, or if she still cared about her. Why hadn’t she come back? Or even talked to her, texted, called or anything! Did she not care about her? Was she even alive? What had Aurelia done to make Thea hate her so much!
The tears came faster now, hot and burning against her cheeks. They stained the pillow as they fell, a damp circle growing on the fabric.
Her chest heaved with sobs, her muscles cramping, her hands covering her mouth.
She was weak.
Crying over something that had happened years ago. It didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t matter.
But her sister still appeared in her dreams.
Still smiling beside her, still comforting her. It hurt every time. Like a knife being driven into her heart. But she had learned to live with it. Learned to accept that her sister had abandoned her.
Slowly, the tears slowed, and the sobs died out. Aurelia's breathing returned to normal, and the energy drained itself from her body.
She rolled onto her side, and stared at her most precious possession.
An Agnes Digital figurine. In her winning pose, her eyes shining brightly from their reflective material. Agnes Digital had been the single brightest spark in her life. The Umamusume who had revived her desire to run, the Umamusume who had remained the bright spot in her life whilst she suffered in her family home.
She had started racing soon after her sister abandoned her, helping to heal the hole in her heart. She had cheered her on in every race. Watched in fascination with each win, cried with every loss.
Her retirement had almost killed her. Her shining spark was gone. And to destroy her even more, her merchandise had stopped being sold all too quickly. The figure on her bedside table was cheap. It wasn’t very high quality, and in all regards, trash. But it meant more to Aurelia than she could possibly explain.
It was the only thing she had of her hero.
Of the wonder that had restored her life and soul. It was the single thing that had mended her heart. It was a figurine of the one thing she loved above all else.
She was terrified of the day that would inevitably come where she would be forced to give it up.
As she always did, Aurelia opened up her phone. The bright screen burned her eyes. Not that it mattered. She pulled open her calendar app. There was another race the next day, a G2. She knew she shouldn’t watch. That she should do something productive.
But her addiction to Uma racing wouldn’t let her.
She had to watch. She had to watch the amazing, incredible Umas run their hearts out. Just as she wished she could do. But she’d settle for watching them.
She had always dreamed of racing with those Umas. Of that exhilaration of running side by side. Of having a tail.
She had for so long dreamed and hoped she could be an Umamusume. But fate denied her. She switched her phone off, once more bathed in darkness.
Slowly, her eyes drifted closed. Darkness consuming Aurelia’s vision.
In her dreams, she was met with a strange sight.
A race track, laid out in front of her.
The green turf almost sparkled in the sunlight. The dirt inside track was smooth, not churned by the feet of racing Umas. The shining sun was clear of cloud cover, its golden warmth covering Aurelia's skin.
Aurelia slowly made her way forward, then she noticed something smacking against her leg. At the same time, she felt something move atop her head.
A tail. She had a tail. And reaching up, ears.
She was an Umamusume.
Tears fought their way back up. But this time, it was in elation. Aurelia tried to grab her tail, forcing herself to turn around after it. She was chasing her tail like an idiot. But it was the greatest thing she had ever done.
The wind blew across the ground, sending her hair into a frenzy. Her hair.
Not the plain black locks she was used to. No, a deep purple flapped behind her. It was much longer, too. When flat it’d reach all the way to her waist, if not further. Her whole body was different.
She was, stronger, faster, larger. But also, shorter.
It was incredible. It was perfect.
It was everything she had ever hoped for. Everything she had ever imagined. Better. It was real this time. It was reality.
A blue figure stood in the distance, staring at Aurelia with a gentle smile. The euphoric feeling was far too much for Aurelia, unable to say a word. She bounced on her toes, even went back to chasing her tail, as if it were something she could catch. The long tail was always just out of reach. But Aurelia didn’t care, nothing could stop the way she was feeling. Not whilst this dream remained reality.
Aurelia turned towards the track once more, and took off. Her feet thundered against the turf below her as she ran faster than she ever had in her life. She felt almost as if she was on fire. Behind her, a strip of fire followed her footsteps, a mystical birdsong sounded.
The heat burned away at Aurelia, but she ignored it. Ignored the pain. She was an Umamusume, and she planned to keep things that way.
Agnes Digital awoke to a strange feeling of emptiness. It was a feeling she had become incredibly familiar with. It was the same feeling that she had felt ever since she retired from racing.
She didn’t know what caused it. But she hated it.
Gentle rays of sunlight spilled inside the dorm room. The golden light revealed dozens of posters, figurines, plushies, stickers and every other type of Uma merchandise one could imagine. Trophies stood atop pedestals, gleaming in the light refracting off their surfaces.
Their golden glow had once meant so much. And now they were merely there to remind her how far she had fallen.
But she was used to it now. She had accepted the reality of her failure. With pained eyes and her legs weak underneath her, Agnes Digital rose from her bed. She was unsteady, the world around her shifting and unstable. Digital slowly made her way outside her dorm, entering the wide hallway. Her uniform was wrinkled and unwashed, her hair an utter mess. But she didn’t care.
She hadn’t cared in a long time.
Digital ignored the strange looks she was receiving. She was used to it by now. She moved through her day in a trance, moving like a zombie through the halls of Tracen academy. She saw the other Umas of course. Acknowledged them, greeted them. But never a conversation. Never any meaningful interaction. Just as it had been for years now.
And then she saw them. Narita Brian and Biwa Hayade.
Those two were the single greatest source of her pain. Not through anything they did against her. Just seeing them together tore at her very soul. Seeing the two of them together, eating together, racing together, merely being around each other. And being happy.
Two sisters. Being happy. together .
The idea and sight of hurt was like burying a knife deep into Digital’s heart.
She shouldn’t hate it so much. It was unfair to Brian and Biwa. But she did. It reminded her of everything she had lost. Reminded her of the family she had left. The sister she had abandoned. Tears fought to come through. A weight settled upon her heart, as if she was being dragged under the earth.
Her body felt as if it suddenly weighed hundreds of kilograms. Her feet fighting against several times the normal gravity to take a single step forward. She moved past the two happy sisters, intending to return to her dorm. Her solitude. The only escape she had from the terrifying reality that she had placed upon herself.
As she made her slow, painful way, she arrived at the three goddesses statue. It forced her to stop.
She looked up at the marble face of Goldolphin Barb. The goddesses had remained in her dreams. Always present. Never real. Digital held out hope that one day, Barb would return to her. That she would be able to love her properly. Instead, she merely prayed to her. Hoping that she could hear the foolish words Digit sprouted from her mind. In her mind she often replayed that fateful day. The day she abandoned her sister. The day she left the name Thea behind and became an Umamusume. The day she found the single greatest love in her entire life.
The same day she lost that love.
Rain was falling. Agnes Digital didn’t notice it. She merely continued to stare up at the statue. The gentle smile carved into Barb’s face was something that filled her with a sense of safety. And yet also tore away at her very being.
She could feel her soul slowly fading away. She knew it would eventually leave her. Umamusume souls were not forever.
An Umamusume, a normal one at least, would be born with an Umamusume soul. No one truly knew where they came from. Did the goddesses hand them out, did they come from a time long ago, or perhaps a different universe. Many held their beliefs, many denied their existence. But all Umamusume knew their existence. The Zone, something that appeared with the strongest of Umamusume, was a raw manifestation of that soul.
And Agnes Digital’s soul was slowly fading away.
When she no longer ran, no longer held that passion, when she stopped using it, something inside her broke. Her legs no longer moved fast enough. She could no longer keep up in training. Weights that had once been trivial, now threatened to crush her.
The gift placed upon her by Goldolphin Barb, was being squandered. And it was all her fault.
Agnes Digital hated her Umamusume soul. Because she knew she was wasting it. She sometimes wished someone else could have it. Someone else who would use it.
“Pony, what are you doing out here in the rain?”
The voice snapped Digital back into awareness.
Fuji Kiseki stood beside her, an umbrella above her head. The look of concern on her face was an affront to Digital’s sense of self. Yet she had nothing to fight it with.
“I’m sorry, Fuji.”
The tears spilled now. Thick and fast, somehow ice cold. Digital’s body didn’t shake with sobs, didn’t heave with heavy breathing. It was perfectly still.
“I didn’t mean to fail everyone. I didn’t mean to betray the effort and care you gave me. I’m so sorry.” Fuji’s expression shifted. From concern, to confusion, to understanding. She stepped closer, covering Digital with the umbrella and pulling her into a hug with her free arm.
“It’s all right, Digital, it’s all right. You’ve done nothing wrong, dear pony.” Fuji gently squeezed the pink haired Uma, letting her tears stain her shirt as she pulled her in.
“I’m, I’m such a failure, Fuji. I’ve failed you. I, I failed myself. I, I-” Hiccups interrupted Digital’s speech, her legs beginning to shake. “I failed the goddesses. And, and I really, I failed to-”
Digital’s legs gave way, forcing Fuji to catch her, kneeling on the ground to stay upright. Digital looked up at Fuji, her face a mess with tears and rain. Her wet hair was plastered to her face, her clothes soaking wet. Fuji couldn’t bear to see one of her beloved ponies in such a state. But she knew she had to. To listen. If she didn't, who's to say someone else would? She could feel Digital’s body shaking against her with the hiccups, the sound grating against her ears. She hated hearing her ponies upset and sad. She tried to protect and help them. There was nothing worse than knowing one of them, so precious to her, was unhappy.
“I failed my sister, Fuji. I, I left her, alone. And, and I did nothing! I’m, I’m a terrible person, Fuji, and I’m an even worse sister.”
Digital buried her head back into Fuji’s chest, the sobs now breaking through. Her body no longer merely shaking. Her whole body convulsed with each one. From her legs to her head, Digital’s sobs wrenched at Fuji’s heart. She could have sworn she saw a glimmer of light fall from the eye of the Godolphin Barb statue. And then she saw it.
There was a glow, emanating from Digital’s bow.
Fuji wasn’t sure what it was. But she had a fear. And she couldn’t let it happen. Her grip on Digital increased, pulling her tightly into her own chest.
“Digi. I, I understand. I understand how you feel. I, I know I can’t change your mind so simply but, please. You are not a failure.”
Fuji looked at the statue, a quiet prayer going to the goddesses.
“You are incredible, Agnes Digital. You are so, amazingly successful. You’ve won 7 G1’s. That’s more than almost every Uma before or since. Your personality has been such an, incredibly bright light at this academy. Your constant support of others, no matter who they are, is something I envy of you.”
Fuji took a deep, shaking breath. She could feel Digital’s sobs starting to slow. “I have adored every moment that I’ve been able to spend around you, Digital. And, I know you’ve struggled recently, and I’m sorry I didn’t help you earlier. You have been such a ray of beautiful sunshine and, I promise I’ll do more moving forward.”
Digital’s body stopped shaking, a still calmness settling over the girl.
For several minutes, the pair stayed like that. The glow from Digital’s ribbon had ceased, and the rain had lightened. eventually , Digital looked up at Fuji once more. Her face a mess, but Fuji didn’t care this time. All that mattered was that Agnes Digital felt better.
“Thank you, Fuji. Really.”
Digital’s voice was quiet. So quiet Fuji wasn’t sure if she had heard her. A smile broke across Fuji’s face.
“You are so, so welcome Digi. Please remember, you’re never alone. I’m always here if you need me, my dear pony.”
Fuji lay a kiss on Digital’s head. A brief glow emanated from the statue once more, unnoticed by either of the two Umas.
Eventually, Digital found strength returning to her legs.
Slowly, supported by the strong arms of Fuji Kiseki, Agnes Digital stood back up. Her legs remained unsteady, shaking beneath her small frame, but she was standing once more.
“Could you, help me back, please?” Digital’s voice remained quiet and small, barely audible to Fuji’s ears.
“Of course, dear pony, I’ll help you as much and as often as you need.” Fuji rubbed Digital’s shoulder, feeling how cold the small Uma was. Holding the umbrella above their heads, Fuji led the Digital back towards the dorm rooms, passing the odd Uma on their way. Sympathetic looks were tossed their way, Fuji ensuring Digital didn’t see them. She didn’t need Agnes Digital to feel the embarrassment of being seen like this.
Finally, the safety of the dorm was reached. Fuji helped Digi lay down in her own bed. Fuji noticed the unwashed sheets, the creases in Digital’s clothes that made it clear she had slept in them.
“Digital, I’m going to come back tomorrow, and make sure you take care of yourself, okay? I want you to try your best, can you do that for me?”
Agnes Digital curled up on herself, looking away from Fuji. “Digital? Did you hear me?”
She looked back at the Ritto dorm leader. She looked so exposed and vulnerable to Fuji’s eyes. “I’ll try my best, Fuji. I promise.”
A warm smile spread across Fuji’s lips.
“Thank you, dear pony. I’ll see you tomorrow okay? Sleep well.”
Fuji kissed Digital’s forehead, before leaving the dorm, hitting the light switch as she did.
Agnes Digital stared off into the darkness, her eyes locked on one thing.
A photo.
It was a photo of her, when she was still called Thea. And her younger sister. The younger sister she had abandoned. Left behind to suffer the wrath of the parents that hated her very identity.
She wished she could have that time back with her sister. Have the time back to tell her everything would be alright, that big sister would protect her from everything.
But she couldn’t. She had left. And nothing could change that. With her sister's face in her mind, Agnes Digital drifted off to sleep, tears threatening, but she had none left to cry.
“I’m sorry, Aurelia.”