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Maybe someday Apo will have to replace the floor with how often she paces it, but that day is not today.
“Pacing is good. Pacing is nice. Nothing wrong with a little pacing,” Apo mumbles to herself.
If you can believe it, Apo is having a great time circling the living room right now.
Sometimes it’s just nice to move. To not feel held down and helpless. To be ready for anything.
Apo swallows. The pacing is helping. It should be helping.
…Helping what? Nothing is really… wrong. Apo’s fed recently, so that’s good. No one’s come to the house. Cherri’s working upstairs, and Legs is…
Where is Legs?
It’s fine. He’s not gone, he’s still here, so Apo will just make sure they know exactly where he is and then get back to pacing. Yeah. That’s the plan. Follow the plan. It’s all good.
Apo takes their pacing to a more destination-based stride. There’s not that many rooms in the house, so they make quick work of searching.
Legs is not in the house. Not his room, not the bathroom, not the kitchen, not the other bedroom. He wouldn’t be upstairs, since that would be bothering Cherri, and he’d never want to do that. That leaves the backyard. If he’s not there, then he could be anywhere, and if he could be anywhere, then-
Calm down. He’s probably just in the backyard. Just check.
The back door opens under Apo’s hand. Or claws. She’s not at her weakest level today. Normally, she feels awkward and even dangerous having more power like this, but she’d been… The other day had been hard, and Apo wanted to feel stronger. More in control. And so she’d misjudged her feeding this morning. Just by a bit. Not all the way.
But still, the humans that Apo lives with don’t mind. Cherri isn’t scared of her. Legs doesn’t judge her. So it’s fine. Maybe.
With the recent memory of Cherri’s blood on their tongue, Apo steps into the backyard, and lets out a breath they don’t need when they see their housemate close by.
Alright. He’s here. He’s okay.
Wait. The view of Legs comes into focus, and he’s moving weird. Is he not okay? Apo approaches slowly, hoping this isn’t another instance of the cure’s side effects bringing the bloodlust back.
Legs is kneeling in front of the backyard graveyard, shoulders shaking, hands in front of him. At first, Apo thinks Legs is crying. But as she gets within earshot, she rushes over at the sound of his guttural coughing.
“Legs! Are you okay?” Apo kneels in front of Doc, hands hovering. “Are you choking?”
A thick cough rises from Doc, then an attempt. “No- I- Throat-” Doc’s head bends down. and he keeps coughing.
The utterance sounds weird. Like there’s something stuck in Doc’s voice box. The weird sound scratches at Apo, at some buried part of their brain, but they can’t just sit here, something’s wrong and Doc needs them, they have to do something-
There is a tickle in Apo’s throat, and then they squeak. Instantly, they slap a hand over their mouth. What the hell was that?
Legs blinks at her, the severity of his coughing dying down in shared shock and confusion. He sort of grunts, and that scratching in Apo’s brain speeds up in reaction. These noises, she knows them, or not her, but some part of her. The part that Apo keeps away, the part that she cut off in Oakhurst.
Oh god. Not vampire bullshit.
Vaguely, Apo remembers the Oakhurst vampires making creepy noises at each other. And sure, she’d growl from time to time, but anything other than that was beyond her. Growling felt pretty fucking warranted and not too inhuman, anyway. Before anything else could be learned, she severed that internal thread in her mind connecting her to Scott, and the one with Sausage fizzled out before it could hardly take root.
Back when she was a double agent, she sort of remembered Shelby and Pyro squeaking or whatever at each other. Maybe even Owen from time to time, sometimes Scott. But Apo didn’t want to be around him, so she didn’t catch much. And it’d been weird, but there was really no explanation given. It was hard to ask too many questions without seeming suspicious. But apparently, that hadn’t been enough, anyway.
Apo could guess that there was a lot of social bullshit about being a vampire that they’d never learned, and would never be able to learn. Because of course getting turned didn’t just remake you physically, but mentally. That’s great.
Separated from the other vampires, Apo never had a chance to really tap into that shit. And they didn’t want to, but now that Legs, who’s cured, who shouldn’t have to deal with this, is somehow activating that weird part of Apo?
They have to know what’s going on. They have to, because Legs obviously needs their help.
Quickly, Apo leans into the scratching in her mind. What? What’s wrong?
The coughing picks back up. It sounds hollow, it sounds hurt, it sounds… lonely? It’s hard to pin down.
There’s been something against Apo’s knee this whole time. She realizes one of the memorial rocks has been moved, placed in front of Doc and now right next to her. Glancing down, she hates the picture forming in her mind.
A wither rose painted on the stone, the name Owen traced like a stain.
Apo returns their attention to Legs. Their stomach drops, and another squeak is wrenched from their throat. Legs looks up immediately, increased confusion breaking out on his face.
“What’s-?” Legs coughs, the question stolen from him.
Without looking, Apo squeezes the rock near them as if they can raise the one depicted on it from the grave just to kill him again.
Of course. Of course he takes more from Legs.
The scratching turns to clawing in Apo’s mind, finally letting her make out the shape of the problem. Owen is dead. Legs is still here. The fledgling in front of her has no sire. Fledglings need their sires.
Eugh, eugh, Apo hates how that sounds. Doc is his own person! He doesn’t need Owen!
But he thinks he does. Part of him, anyway. The cure isn’t perfect. Vampire bullshit returns, in new and terrifying ways. And now, Doc can’t even call out the way he’s supposed to when he’s lost a sire. Because he’s human. His throat just can’t make the right sounds.
Console. Tentatively, Apo leans into the scratching, and has to pause immediately as some scratchy, insecure rumbling sound leaves her body. Eugh.
Come on. Come on. Something tells them it will help. This is disgusting, and Apo doesn’t know what they’re doing, but they need to help Doc.
With caution, Apo lets the uncertain rumbling continue. Legs stares at them, shaking, but he doesn’t do what he’s supposed to do. Apo guesses that even while the body’s affected, Legs still has no idea what’s happening. Oh god.
Careful. Be careful. Apo slowly reaches out a hand. Legs draws back with a heavy cough.
“Come here.” Agh, her voice sounds weird through the rumbling. “Legs… Trust me?”
Legs’s good eye swirls with trepidation, but as another cough spikes through him, he leans back towards Apo. The rumbling gets louder in anticipation. Apo puts her hand on the back of Legs’s neck and brings his head down against her sternum.
At the proximity to the rumbling, Doc gasps. The tension escapes him slightly.
Apo sighs through their own noise in relief. Good. They don’t know exactly what this is doing, but it’s helping.
The coughing slowly ebbs, transforming from a painful constant to an occasional inconvenience. Apo has one hand on his back, the other on her own knee.
Legs doesn’t give himself enough time to recover before he opens his mouth. “Apo, what’s… I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
It’s hard to speak when they’re rumbling – oh god, it’s definitely purring, isn’t it? Bats can purr, can’t they? – so heavily, but Apo has to answer him. “It’s… I don’t know exactly, but I think you’re trying to make vampire sounds that you can’t do anymore.”
“Since I’m cured,” Doc continues the thought. “So… what sort of sounds?”
“Um…” Apo doesn’t know what to say. “Like… calling out to other vampires? I think it’s because Owen is dead. You don’t have your sire.”
Legs goes rigid. Some awful, throaty yelp escapes his throat, and he coughs after it. The sound is changed, not like how it’s supposed to sound, but the weird part of Apo can still pin it down. Lost. Pain.
Ugh, Legs doesn’t need Owen! Owen assaulted him, and then he died, and that’s it! Apo purrs louder in frustration.
“My… sire?” Legs whispers shakily. His hand travels to scratch at his chest, where the turning scar resides under the fabric. “I- I can feel- I- Owen? Why do I feel-?”
“Fledglings are supposed to need their sires. He abandoned you,” Apo explains reluctantly. “It’s just vampire bullshit, Legs, you don’t really need him.”
“Oh god,” Legs warbles. “I don’t- I don’t understand.”
“Yeah, ‘cause you’re human. You’re human.” Apo adjusts their hold on Legs, and Legs grabs their arm once they’re settled. “How are you feeling, anyway?”
“I…” Legs gives a quick cough. The question is more in his wheelhouse, but he’s a shit patient. Too stubborn. “Tight? I don’t… I don’t know. There’s… something wrong with… my limbs…”
Tight. Apo notes how Doc is digging his fingers into their arm, clinging, hunching in on himself like he should be smaller than he is.
“Oh, you should be a bat, maybe?” Apo guesses. “Since it’s making you scared? I don’t know, Legs. I barely know more than you.”
“Christ…” Doc bumps his head against Apo’s chin. “And the… What are you doing?”
Well, this is embarrassing, but… “I’m purring, I think. I have the feeling it’s supposed to calm down your noises.”
“Oh.” There’s a motion like Doc almost curls further against Apo, but he freezes. “I… You don’t have to do this for me, Apo. I think I’m alright now.”
Legs peels himself away from Apo’s chest, and Apo lets him, ignoring the pang of worry at the loss of contact. The purring slows, but it doesn’t go away.
“It’s fine, Doc.” Apo clears their throat. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m okay,” Legs promises. “Just… Thank you, but-“ Legs constricts and chokes on nothing, face contorting in obvious pain.
Apo squeaks on impulse. She hates when he pulls a stunt like this. Doc’s coughing picks up, and Apo reaches out before she can really process what she’s doing. In seconds, Doc is back against her sternum.
It takes a moment for Doc to recover, and at that point, he lets out a regular human grumble. “…Fine.”
“Sorry,” Apo offers amidst her increased purring.
“This hardly seems… convenient,” Doc bemoans, his voice sounding misused.
“Well, being a vampire is never really convenient, so this tracks,” Apo grumbles.
Legs sighs in commiseration, and he lets them fall into an awkward silence, or as silent as it can get between Apo’s purring and Legs’s occasional cough.
Apo doesn’t like this. She doesn’t like being forced into stillness, unable to run, unable to really protect Legs. Her eyes dart around the backyard, something restless in her gut.
But at least this happened at home. At least Apo’s fed recently, and Cherri’s safe, and no one from Oakhurst is around. Apo just needs to help Legs, and then things will be better.
Part of them wants to hold Doc closer, but they ignore that part. Just have one hand on his back and the other away. They’re not sure either of them could take any more than that.
After a couple minutes, Doc’s head shifts against Apo’s sternum. “I… I don’t feel… right,” he rasps.
Immediate concern that comes out as a squeak. Keep him safe. “Legs? What do you mean?”
“Uh…” Legs coughs. “Before, I couldn’t… It was all physical, but… I… I feel weird…”
“Oh god,” Apo mumbles. “What’s wrong?”
Apo straightens in their worry and accidentally jostles Legs. He hisses through his teeth at the brief loss of contact, and his breathing isn’t right.
“I-” Legs buries his head against Apo’s sternum, and their purring picks up in trepidation. “Owen… Owen?”
“He’s not here,” Apo says. Jesus, fuck this. Owen tore Legs apart. He cornered him, he betrayed him, he changed him into the thing Legs never wanted to be. He did it all to be cruel. Anger emboldens Apo’s rumbling. “I’m here, and I’ll keep you safe. He can’t ever hurt you again, okay? I’m here.”
“Owen?” Legs whimpers. “Owen…”
The front of Apo’s shirt, where Legs’s head rests, is damp. Finally, Apo gives into that part of themself and pulls Legs closer to them. Legs cries softly in their arms, mumbling Owen’s name, and Apo’s relieved that their purring doesn’t seem to tire.
Apo wants to let Doc sit, but the backyard is too uncomfortable to rest in. Too open. Doc’s knees are probably bothering him at this point.
“Doc, I’m gonna move us, okay? We have to go inside,” Apo warns. “Hold on.”
Fingers cling to Apo’s shoulders, and Apo braces herself. Lifting Legs into her arms properly, she stands. The vampiric strength from being not at her weakest form helps a lot. Apo’s strong, but not someone who could easily lift a middle aged man under normal circumstances.
Legs hardly reacts to the change, just pressing himself into Apo and whimpering Owen’s name. Before they realize what they’re being compelled to do, Apo kisses his eyebrow. God, they don’t want to keep accidentally doing these things.
Just help him. Just help him.
“Let’s just get inside. I’ve got you,” Apo promises.
Slowly, Apo carries Legs back into the house. Legs clings to her, such a far cry from how he’d normally act around her, and it makes Apo scared for him. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want to act this way. He should be able to choose how he acts. This isn’t right, it isn’t fair!
The best place to go is the bedroom. There’s a door to close, so Cherri can’t accidentally walk in and give Doc more of an unwanted audience. And it’s way more comfortable. Apo shuts the bedroom door behind them with her foot and sets Doc on the bed, crawling up with him and assuming their earlier arrangement.
Doc keeps crying, so unlike himself, and Apo presses their cheek against his forehead, rubbing a little. They don’t know what else to say, so they just let the vampire nonsense have its way, purring and chittering softly. It doesn’t seem to do any harm, so Apo just has to accept it for now.
Almost immediately, Apo regrets giving that part of themself a little more slack, because Apo’s hand drifts. They don’t catch on until they’re ghosting their hand over Legs’s neck. Instantly, Apo snaps their hand back. They can’t touch the scar on Legs’s throat! That’s fucked up, this is so fucked up, Apo is so fucked up.
No. She doesn’t care whatever vampire bullshit it would accomplish, she is not touching someplace like that unless Legs himself says it’s okay. Once he’s back to himself and not crying out for his dead sire, the one that made that scar in the first place. No.
After that, Apo keeps a tighter leash on her vampire bullshit. She focuses on just consoling Legs as best she can. It takes time, but eventually the whimpers against her chest turn into a different sound. Humming, almost, but without a real melody. Maybe the closest Legs can get to purring as a human. The little that Apo can pick up on isn’t really out of happiness, more like acknowledgement. I hear you, thank you. Something like that, anyway. Apo lets out a relieved sigh and kisses Legs’s forehead.
Soon, the crying quiets. Apo loosens their hold on Legs and leans back, despite something in them itching to pull him closer. They don’t fully release him, but they give him some space as he straightens his posture. The rumbling finally slows to a stop.
This time, the flood of coughing doesn’t pick back up. Legs blinks a few times and looks around, confusion clear on his face. He’s the one to let Apo go, and Apo pushes down a squeak.
Legs opens and closes his mouth. “When-” He breaks off as soon as the horrible raspy word leaves his mouth and grimaces.
“Don’t talk right now,” Apo warns quietly. She needs to do something, she needs to help him, so she stands. “I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”
There’s a short nod from Legs. Apo smothers the urge to reach out to him again and stiffly makes her way to the bedroom door. He’s lost- He is not lost, he wants to be alone. She can leave him be and help him by getting water.
Once she touches the handle, she startles at the whine that breaks out into the room. It’s a plea.
Instantly, Apo snaps back to face Legs, some kind of low chitter leaving her throat in response. Reassurance. Legs has both hands over his mouth, his eyebrows raised. He’s scared.
Apo crosses back over and hesitantly holds Legs’s arm. “I-” They have to clear their throat. “I think you should come with me. Can you move?”
Legs nods again, easier this time.
“Okay.” Apo can hardly hear herself.
Together, they shuffle out into the kitchen. Legs shifts to hold Apo’s shoulder, a controlled amount of touch on his end. Apo retrieves the glass, and Legs fills it up, taking a sip of it immediately and sighing in obvious relief. Apo makes sure he refills and drinks it a few times before the sighs sound less terrible.
With the newly full glass in hand, Doc accompanies Apo back to the bedroom. They sit on the quilt with their knees touching, to avoid any more setbacks, and Apo looks away while Doc takes slow sips of his water.
Apo holds herself stiffly. She has to keep fighting the impulse to chitter at Doc. It’s too risky to lean back into that, since his body is just starting to remember that he’s human. So Apo shoves everything away, ignoring the clawing in her mind building in volume, yelling at her that the fledgling needs her.
Legs isn’t my fledgling, and he isn’t a fledgling. He’s his own person. He’s human.
Beside her, Legs starts. Apo glances up through the fingers covering her face. Legs has set the empty water glass aside and is now pressing one hand to his face, looking bewildered.
Something’s wrong.
“Legs? What is it?” Apo croaks.
Doc spares a glance, and then he smiles a little. “Sorry, it- it’s nothing. A bit of a headache, but I’m otherwise feeling much better.”
Apo slowly lowers her hands and straightens. That’s not…. That’s not…. Why does he sound different?
Before they can stop themself, Apo squeaks, and there’s-
There’s no response.
Calm down. Apo retreats back into themself, gritting their fangs. Calm down. Doc is still here. He’s here, and he’s alive, and he’s feeling better. Calm down.
There was no answer, why didn’t he answer, because he’s human, that’s not a fledgling, why was there no call, where is the fledgling?
Scratching, clawing, tearing. The feeling at the back of Apo’s mind breaks through their skull, and they succumb to it.
The fledgling isn’t here. Where is he? Where is he? He needs her. She might hardly be more than a fledgling herself, but she’s all he has. She’s the only one that can help him when his sire is gone. And she doesn’t have anyone else, not her sire or her fledgling, they’re gone, and the only thing she can do is help this fledgling so where did the fledgling go?
She needs to find him because he needs her and he’s gone he’s gone they took him from her they took someone else from her and she didn’t do enough and he’s gone she couldn’t save him he needed her and she couldn’t save him where is he-
“I’m here. I’m right here, Apo, it’s alright. It’s not real.”
The body that she’s pressed against keeps speaking, keeps reassuring her, but it’s not enough. What she needs is to know that the fledgling is here, because he’s gone he’s gone she can’t hear him she can’t hear him where did he go-
Warmth envelops her, and she sinks into it, craving it even as she worries for him. She needs more warmth, she needs to feel stronger and more alive if she’s going to find him. Moving her head, she finds a spot on the body.
Fabric rustles, and there’s skin against her lips.
“Go ahead,” says the body. “It’s alright. Take what you need.”
Thank you! Desperately, they bite into the warm flesh, and the taste hits them with ferocity.
It’s… not stale, but formerly so. Rejuvenated. Strange. And it’s so familiar and they gasp against the skin and take more blood to root it out, find the thing that’s calling her, and-
Oh. Oh, it’s him. He’s still here.
Apo seals up the bite and throws their arms around Legs, tucking their head against his shoulder.
“Legs!” they half-squeak.
“Apo?” Legs hugs them back in that stiff, awkward way he does. Apo couldn’t ask for a better hug. “What happened?”
Feeling a rough rumble in their throat, Apo sobs, and only realizes then that they’ve been crying. “I thought- I thought-“
“It’s alright, just calm down,” Legs mutters. “You’re okay.”
Apo shakes her head, but they flinch at the dampness on Legs’s shoulder. Removing herself from Legs, Apo crawls back on the quilt and can’t stop a chitter of concern. There’s red staining Legs’s collarbone. His blood. Apo’s mouth is wet, she took his blood, she took it from him!
“Oh my god, are you okay? Jesus, I- I bit you!” Apo holds her hands close to her chest.
Legs raises his hands placatingly. “I’m okay, Apo. I helped you do it. Hunger was probably contributing to whatever happened.” He raises an eyebrow, urging Apo to finally explain.
Hurt. The bite is too big to focus on, so Apo nods, swallowing down the taste of Legs’s blood. “Sorry. I’m sorry I freaked out and- and bit you, I just- I don’t know, I think you stopped registering as a vampire, so my stupid vampire senses thought you were dead.”
“Oh,” Legs utters, something strained in his already shot voice. “So… I’m assuming my blood must have counted for something?”
“Yeah. It tastes… weird,” Apo admits. “But I knew it was your blood.”
“That’s… concerning,” Legs settles on, rubbing at his neck. “I’m glad you’re alright, though.”
“I’m not,” Apo argues, feeling the urge to get up and pace. “This… This sucks. I can’t feel like that again. Like I lost you just because of some stupid vampire bullshit. If that happens again, it can’t make me feel like that!”
Legs looks to the side, shoulders dropping. “Right. I… I’m sorry, Apo. I know that was horribly unfair to you.”
Apo grips the quilt under her, knuckles white. “Don’t say it like that! It wasn’t your fault! It wasn’t my fault, okay? It just- It happened to us!”
An ashamed green eye meets her red ones. “No, of course it wasn’t your fault. And I… can’t control these side effects. We don’t want this. There’s so much we still don’t understand about any of this!” Doc shakes his head in frustration. “There’s… so much we don’t know. I can’t stand it.”
“Me neither,” Apo mumbles. “I don’t like this.”
They fall into a painful silence. Apo brings her knees to her chest and dips her head down, wishing Cherri was here. Wishing her body felt like her body. Wishing her mind was her own, and the same for Legs.
Why can’t they ever really leave Oakhurst? Why can’t it just be over? Why can’t anything feel like their own choice?
The bed shifts, and Apo snaps her head up.
Legs is half off the bed, frozen at Apo’s unconscious squeak. Apo swallows down the don’t go, it isn’t safe.
“You said your head hurts,” Apo says instead.
Doc gets to his feet and almost hides the squint. “Just a bit.”
Apo stands beside him, dropping her eyes. “If you’re saying that, then it’s really bad. You should sit down or something.”
“You should rest, if anything,” Legs counters. “We shouldn’t push our luck.”
The ensuing combined fussing is enough to push both of them out of the dark bedroom and into the rest of the house. In uncomfortable silence, Apo gets Legs a tea that should help with the headache, and Legs retrieves bottled chicken blood. They exchange drinks without looking at each other – or at least Apo avoids Legs’s eyes, so she can’t tell if he’s watching her – and head to the living room to sit.
Once they get the fireplace going, Apo sits sideways in her chair, pressing her cheek to the back and watching the flames. She takes quick gulps of the blood, not wanting to taste it but still wanting to wash away the flavor of her friend.
It was too easy to hurt him. She didn’t want to do it, but she couldn’t stop herself. Not even feeding recently helped. If she can’t trust herself, and she can’t trust Doc to not let her do that…
Apo hears her own internal sigh echoed out loud by Legs. He’s in his own chair, probably nursing his headache and hopefully drinking his tea. Apo would check, but she doesn’t want to do anything else to him.
God, Apo doesn’t know what to think. Them being a vampire helped Legs today, because it did get him to stop coughing, but then they bit him for the same reason.
Maybe there’s nothing to think. Maybe it’ll just keep being unfair and weird and complicated like this. But Apo doesn’t want Legs to just keep getting dragged back into his grave, or for her to never have control over herself again. She has to do something, she has to do more, but she doesn’t know what.
For now, all Apo can really do is drink the rest of the blood, ignore the urge to crowd Legs’s space, and smother the chitter in her throat. And that has to be enough.