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They’re all gathered around the table, a white sheet cake at the head far enough from the edge that any kids that pass by can’t knock it off.
Buck is sitting at the middle of the table listening to the low murmur of talking he could hear, but couldn’t pick out any one particular conversation. He can hear the joyous giggles coming from Theo in the living room playing with Jee-Yun.
He jolts when Eddie’s hand grasps his thigh, and all sound comes rushing back in.
“You okay?” Eddie asks, low enough that the rest of the table doesn’t hear.
“Yeah it's just a lot. It seems like so long ago but also it feels like I was just in that lab with him,” Buck sniffs as tears start to form in his eyes. He looks at Eddie next to him, brown eyes staring into his blue ones and sighs. “I just miss him, you know. He should be here.”
“I know, bud. I know.” Eddie looks around the room at everyone talking and laughing. “But this is what he would want us doing for his birthday anyways if he was here. A barbeque with all his friends and family here to celebrate him.”
Buck looks around and sees everyone smiling and having a good time. His eyes inevitably drift toward the kitchen where he can picture Bobby standing in the apron Buck, Harry and May got him one year for Christmas, slicing up tomatoes for the burgers they’d take outside to grill.
But that’s Buck’s job to do alone now.
They all came today to celebrate Bobby’s birthday, the second one he wasn’t here for. May and Ravi had sent an instagram reel into the group chat of a family celebrating a loved one who had passed. They all had candles for a cake and each time someone put a candle in the cake, they said something that had happened while the person had been gone.
May had said she wanted to do it, that it’d make it feel like they were talking to Bobby and feel like he was there with them. Give him an update on their lives while they’re all here to lean on each other for support.
Buck was hesitant at first, a lot of stuff has happened in the last year and a half since Bobby died. But he didn’t want to cause a scene, especially when Athena said she would love to do it.
“Are you sure you’re okay doing the cake though? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I'm sure you can convince Denny to let you man the camera,” Eddie laughs, knowing there is no way Denny is giving up being the one behind the camera. It’s all he’s been talking about all night.
“I’ll be fine. It’s not like anyone’s going to say anything we don’t already know,” Buck smiles a little. Eddie looks away from Buck but nods. “And we aren’t really reliving the trauma, just bullet pointing it right?”
“Right. Nothing new. Just bullet points,” Eddie mutters.
“Alright everyone!” May announces after dinner. “Time for the video. Everyone knows what we are doing? When you have something to say, grab a candle and stand a little out of camera view by the table so we know who’s next. Since it was my idea to do this, I’ll go first to kind of introduce it.”
Everyone stands off to the side, each grabbing a candle as they go. Denny grabs Hen’s phone to record at the other end of the table. May stands behind the cake holding her candle when Denny points at her and starts recording.
May smiles at the camera and just jumps right in. “Hey dad, Bobby, here’s what you’ve missed since you’ve been gone.” She places her candle in the middle of the cake and says, “I started nursing school.”
Buck looks at Eddie and shakes his head, “You first?” he whispers. Eddie nods and squeezes Buck's shoulder as he passes. He walks up to the cake, looks at the camera and says, “Chris and I moved back to LA officially. We realized we needed to be with our real family.” He makes eye contact with Buck and gives him a small smile.
As Eddie finishes putting his candle in the cake and walks off, Buck walks into frame. “Hey pops. I bought a house. It’s got a really nice kitchen for me to cook like how you taught me. I did think you were haunting it at one point but it turned out to be a squatter.” Everyone laughs at that, Buck gives a little chuckle as he puts the candle in the cake and walks off.
Hen walks up and as she places her candle says, “I got diagnosed with a rare disease. But with the help of everyone here I was able to fight and overcome it.”
Chim takes his turn and says, “ After a lot of deliberation, I took over as Captain of the 118. I hope I can be half the Captain you were.”
Athena slowly walks up to the cake with her candle and takes a shuddering breath placing her candle in the cake. “Hey baby, I finished our house. But I couldn’t live in it without you, so I sold it.”
There’s a lull in people in the line. Buck thinks about something else that happened, and happened because of Bobby. He goes up to Eddie grabbing his hand and drags him to the cake, snagging a candle on their way.
“We went to Nashville for the Annual American Firefighter Games that you nominated us for,.” Buck says as he puts the candle in the cake.
“We tied for first place with the Nashville house,” Eddie says smiling at the camera, then at Buck squeezing the hand that was still holding his, a light blush growing on his cheeks. “We dedicated our win to you.”
Harry comes up as they walk off, they hear him say, “I became a firefighter and made it through my probationary year.”
As Harry puts the candle in the cake, Buck reaches and grabs another candle. He squeezes Eddie’s hand again and walks back into cameraview alone. His hands shake as he places the candle in the cake. “I…got kidnapped. And tortured by someone who lost her son and pretended I was him. Tha–that led me to–” Buck stutters, looking up to try and stop the tears, not making eye contact with anyone or the camera. He takes a deep breath before looking back up at the camera and finishes with tears falling down his cheeks, “It led me to getting hooked on painkillers until the team got me out of it.”
Athena walks up next to Buck, pulling him into a tight hug. She whispers in his ear, “He’d be so proud of you, Buck. So proud.” Buck wraps his arms around her holding back tears. He sniffles as he pulls back from her, with a small “Thank you” he walks away from the table to try and compose himself.
He sees Eddie sitting on the other side of the room with his head down and knee shaking. Buck doesn’t want to confront him yet so he heads toward the opposite side of the table to find a seat, not planning to go back up again.
So much for just the bullet points, Buck thinks as he wipes the tears off his face.
As he passes the open door to the living room, he pokes his head in to see what the kids are up to. Chris is sitting on the chair next to the door playing on his phone while Theo and Jee-Yun are sprawled across the floor playing with some toys.
Chris looks up and asks, “Hey Buck, do you think I can say something to Bobby too?”
Buck looks at him startled, “Ye-yeah buddy, I don’t see why not. Just go stand next to the table and grab a candle.”
Chris and Buck walk into the dining room as Hen and Athena finish up saying they’d been to space, Eddie saying from behind Denny, “And yet I’m the reason the billionaire is alive out of the water.” Everyone busts out laughing.
They watch Ravi go up and tell Bobby how he and May have started dating, and how Athena, Harry, and Buck have all given him the shovel talk. They watch Maddie and Chim go up and tell him they named their son after him, Buck did not cry at that (he did).
Then Athena goes up one more time, she looks around the room and says, “I took a Detective position after being shot and almost dying.”
Chris looks at Buck who can tell Chris still isn’t quite ready to speak yet. He leans over to Buck and asks, “Will you go before me?” Buck nods and walks up with another candle, thinking of what he could say.
As he gets to the cake he has a small, bittersweet smile on his face as he says, “I got to meet the kid that I donated my sperm for and helped deliver. I’m fostering him right now, Kameron and Connor died in a car crash. I’m trying to be the best dad, everything good I do as a dad, I learned from you.”
He places his candle and nods at Chris as he comes up. Buck hands him a candle once he gets to the head of the table and then walks out of the camera frame. Chris takes a deep breath before looking at Eddie then Buck and says, “I became the coolest big brother to a pretty cool kid, even if he does get annoying at times. But what little kid doesn’t, right?” He ends with a smile and places his candle in the cake.
Denny from behind the camera says “I’ve always been the coolest big brother!” Everyone laughs as Chris goes past him and shoves him lightly. Chris goes to sit next to Eddie by the door.
Bucks is trying to keep himself together while someone else goes up to the cake. He’s suddenly hit in the legs by a little body coming from behind him. “Buck what are you doing?”
Buck looks down at Theo and sighs, lifting him up knowing he won’t go into the other room until he gets his answer. “We are making a video saying hi to Bobby and telling him what he’s missed since he went to heaven.”
“Oh. Can I say hi?” Theo asks. Buck nods at him and walks over to the small pile of candles left. He grabs one and puts Theo down in front of him and the cake.
Theo looks at Buck who crouches down behind him and points to the camera whispering “go ahead” in his ear. Theo looks at the camera and gives a big toothy grin at it. What comes out of his mouth is not expected by anyone, not even Buck.
“Hi Grandpa Bobby! I’m Theo. It's nice to meet you! I’m this many!” He holds up his hand showing off four fingers. “I live with Buck now! There’s a picture of you in the house and Buck talks about you a lot! I start school this year!”
Buck gives a soft “oh” as more tears fall down his face. He never told Theo to call Bobby “grandpa” but he can see how Theo could think Bobby was Buck’s dad. After he helps Theo place the candle in the cake, he kisses the side of his head and says, “We love you, Pops.”
They stand up and walk to the side of the room to a chair and sit down. Buck lifts Theo up onto his lap and pulls him into a tight hug, nose in his hair trying really hard not to break down. “You did so good buddy,” Buck says softly.
After a few more seconds of hugging, Theo starts to squirm wanting out of the chair. Buck lets him go and as he starts to run back to the living room, he reminds him to not run while inside.
“Does anyone else want to go?” May asks. No one answers so Denny ends the recording.
Eddie, who’s been shaking his leg the last few minutes with everyone going up after him, stands up and grabs one of the last two candles. He walks up to the cake and clears his throat for everyone’s attention again.
“Eddie you don’t have to put that one on the cake, it’s alright if they sit in the junk drawer,” Athena says.
“Oh. No I actually have one more thing to tell Bobby,” he says, eyes wide looking nervously around at everyone.
“But I already stopped recording. I can start it again and just edit it in I guess,” Denny says.
“No. No need. This one’s just for me. A-and you guys,” he walks up in front of the cake and makes eye contact with Chris who grins and nods. “I wanted Bobby to be the next person I told, only Chris knows. I think Bobby knew but never said anything because I needed to figure it out myself. And I did. So,” he puts the candle down in the cake and says, “I figured out I’m gay.”
The room is silent for a few seconds, then suddenly it bursts with sounds of everyone all talking at once.
“Oh my god!” From Maddie.
“Eddie, I'm so proud of you!” From Karen.
May and Hen run up to him and give him big hugs and in turn tell him how proud they are.
Athena just smiles a knowing smile at him and nods at him with love and pride in her eyes.
The only person that hasn’t moved is Buck. Buck, who is frozen in his seat staring through Eddie, his mind suddenly blank.
I figured out I’m gay.
I’m gay.
Eddie is gay?
Eddie is gay?
For some reason the words just aren’t comprehending to him. He sits there, not sure what is really happening.
‘Eddie’ and ‘gay’ just don’t belong in the same sentence unless ‘is not’ is in between them. There has always been one constant in the universe, and that is Eddie being straight. But now… gay?
It just doesn’t make sense.
A hand lands on his shoulder and Buck looks up to see Chris standing there, with a small frown on his face. “Buck? You ok?” He says softly not wanting to draw attention to them just yet.
Buck suddenly snaps back into himself and shakes his head. “Yeah buddy I’m good. Just… needed a second.” Buck stands up, grasping Chris's shoulder before asking, “Are you okay? That's a big change for your dad.”
Chris nods. “Yeah. I’m really happy for him. Glad that he figured it out, that he’s choosing himself for once.” Buck reaches over and gives him a tight squeeze.
“You’re a great kid, did you know that? One of the best I know.” Chris blushes a little then pushes Buck off him, having had too much affection.
“Go talk to dad, you big sap,” Chris says, then walks off toward Denny.
Buck takes a deep breath, then looks up at where Eddie is in the middle of a circle. As if he knew Buck was looking at him, Eddie turns and makes eye contact with Buck who smiles wide at him. Eddie's brown eyes seem to brighten and he gives a large grin back, showing off all his sharp teeth.
Buck walks over to the group, and as he passes by the table, he looks down at the last candle. He can only think of one thing left that he’d want to update Bobby on, so he snags the candle and puts it in his pocket to deal with later.
Later turns out to be later that night.
Buck, Eddie, Chris and Theo all ride back to Buck’s house together where they had left Eddie’s car. Buck glances into the rearview and sees Chris and Theo both passed out in the back, then looks at Eddie in the passenger seat, and sees his eyes drooping as well.
“Do you guys just want to stay the night? I can set up the trundle in Theo’s room for Chris so that way you don’t have to drive home super late.” Buck whispers so as not to wake up the kids.
Eddie yawns, “Yeah that works for me. I’ll get the boys while you pull out the bed?”
Buck nods as he turns into his driveway parking next to Eddie’s truck. He gets out and turns to watch Chris get out in case he needs help before walking up the walk to get their room ready.
After putting new sheets on the mattress and making sure Theo’s room was picked up for Chris, Buck walks out to the living room and sees Eddie holding Theo in his arms. Theo’s been changed into his dinosaur pajamas;, he's lying against Eddie who’s holding and reading Theo his favorite book, The Little Engine That Could.
Buck leans against the hall wall watching them with a small smile on his face. Chris is sitting on the other side of Eddie, leaning his head against his dad’s shoulder reading along with them. Buck wishes he had his phone to take a picture of his boys, but instead commits the image to memory.
Eddie glances up at him while Theo turns the page, and gives Buck a small smile. Buck grins back at him and as they finish up the book, he walks behind the back of the couch leaning over Eddie to quietly ask Theo, “Do you want me or Eddie to tuck you in?” knowing full well who he is going to choose.
Theo clutches onto the collar of Eddie's shirt and whispers, “Eddie peas.”
“Okay,” Buck says, leaning back as Eddie stands up, adjusting his hold on Theo. Buck meets them at the end of the couch and gives Theo a kiss to his temple and says, “Goodnight buddy. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Something he learned Kameron and Connor always said to him before bed.
As they walk down the hall, Chris comes up next to Buck, yawning. “You should go get some sleep too, bud,.” Buck tells him.
“Yeah I know. Just wanted to make sure you were making pancakes for breakfast,” Chris looks up at him through his glasses, blue eyes pleading.
“Of course. You don’t even have to ask; it's tradition at this point. Now go get ready for bed, we don’t want a cranky Chris in the morning.” Buck pulls him into a quick hug, that surprisingly gets returned.
“Love you, Buck,.” Chris says as he walks down the hall toward the bathroom.
Buck looks after him for a second then murmurs, “Love you too, kid.”
–
A while later, Eddie comes out of the boys room closing the door softly.
“How many more books did he make you read to him?” Buck asks.
“Only two, he started to fall asleep toward the end of the first one but jolted up when I finished and begged for a second one. Then passed out about two pages in. Had to finish it though just in case,” Eddie laughs.
He nods toward the kitchen, “Beer?”
Buck nods. He follows Eddie into the kitchen and grabs the bottle opener from the drawer, sliding it across the counter to Eddie. Eddie opens both bottles and hands one to Buck, then leans back against the counter taking a sip.
Buck holds onto his beer, not drinking it but picking at the label. Eddie looks at him, then at the bottle, then back up to Buck’s face.
“What?” Eddie asks.
“Nothing. Just… I’m really proud of you,” Buck says. “I think Bobby would be so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Buck. He’d be proud of you too. This last year has sucked without him, but he’d be so proud of what you’ve done and overcome.”
Buck’s eyes burn as tears form. He looks up and takes a deep breath, not wanting to cry again tonight, he can already feel a headache coming on. “Thank you.”
Buck puts his beer on the counter and puts a hand in his pocket, feeling the candle he’d placed there earlier. He pulls it out and holds it up to Eddie, who looks at it, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
“I took the last one,” Buck says quietly. “I had one more thing to say to Bobby, but I think you’re the only person that needs to hear it.”
Eddie looks up at him, still confused.
Buck puts the candle on the counter before taking a shuddering breath. His hands are shaking slightly, and suddenly he’s worried that he’s about to ruin everything.
“Buck, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I can go to another room while you say it,” Eddie says softly. His hand is reached out slightly like he wants to grab onto Buck and comfort him, but isn’t sure if it’ll help.
Buck looks up at Eddie, finally making eye contact. “When Bobby brought you on at the 118, he brought you on to be a partner for me. I don’t think he realized that, not only did he do that, but he brought on the person who would be the most important person to me. I think later he did realize it, then realized a lot more than I did. You said you thought he knew about you being gay?” Buck pauses and Eddie nods. “Well I’m about 100% sure he knew I was in love with you before I did.”
Eddie’s eyes widen in shock. Buck picks up the candle again and keeps going, “Tonight you had the courage to tell Bobby, and our family, about you. So now it's my turn, to tell the two most important people in my adult life, the most important thing about me. I am in love with you. I am so in love with you, it makes me crazy. Like, use a dog to try and make you jealous, crazy.”
Eddie laughs a little through tears that are free-falling. He quickly moves around the counter and into Buck’s space, pushing him up against cabinets behind him, one hand on Buck’s hip, the other cradling his face.
“I’m in love with you too,” Eddie says, before bringing their lips together, finally getting to kiss the love of his life.