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You wake up in unfamiliar sheets and a strange room. It isn’t any of the rooms that you’ve been in before, not your dorm or Gideon’s room or your own home or even the one you grew up in. A part of you hopes that it’s Gideon’s though, despite everything that's changed. When you remember what happened the day prior you feel a bit sick as you push yourself up.
“What are you doing?” Ianthe slurs as you stand, she’s half asleep as you realize that you need to go home. You have class in a few hours and most importantly you need to take your medications. Apparently even a single day off of the new anti-psychotics you’re on could reset your progress. When you tell Ianthe that she sighs and stands, “I’ll drive you.”
“You don’t have to,” you say and Ianthe smiles, it’s almost sweet. You don’t know how to feel about Ianthe, the only person that might care about you now and the person who is responsible for the one you love leaving. No, it’s your fault that Gideon left. But you are right about the rest of it, Camilla and Palamedes may care for you but they prefer Gideon. Everyone does, she is a bright light in the dark and the only hope you have ever had.
“It’s fine Harrow. Now I have some clothes that you can borrow,” Ianthe says and you frown, dragged out of your thoughts. Ianthe’s wardrobe consists of garish and pompous white, purple and gold. The idea that you would wear anything from her is a bit repulsive but you accept the offer, in the end she is the only person you have left.
So you find something that isn’t too gaudy, a white button up shirt and dark purple trousers that are close enough to black. The fabric is unfamiliar but you resign yourself to accepting that, things are different now. When you’re done dressing yourself Ianthe is already out in the kitchen.
You go to join her and find her and her twin sister Coronabeth making coffee, looking only slightly disheveled from sleep. You are unsure of why she’s awake so early since you know that you are ready for the day before Gideon could even think of doing her morning runs.“Hey Harrow! Do you want some?” Coronabeth offers and you nod, just to distract yourself. The taste is disgusting, too bitter and earthy even for someone who would gladly eat pure cocoa beans.
“I know Corona always makes it too dark. I should’ve warned you,” Ianthe jokes as she pours herself a small amount before putting more sugar and milk in than God intended. Coronabeth glares at her but before she says anything Ianthe speaks again, “You’re the one trying to stop me from drinking fifty energy drinks a day.”
“And get you to stop vaping,” Coronabeth mutters and Ianthe rolls her eyes. They have a disturbing degree of familiarity and it’s easy for you to watch them while you try more coffee. There’s only one person who knows you as well as these two know each other and she doesn’t care anymore.
“Whatever. We’re heading out now,” Ianthe says after a few minutes and you put your cup in the sink, rinsing it out. Ianthe doesn’t bother and walks over to the door, grabbing her shoes. Coronabeth waves goodbye to you as you join Ianthe at the entryway, slipping on the sneakers that Gideon bought you. Most of your shoes are too formal or too hard to put on and you left your dorm in a hurry.
They walk in silence to the parking garage where Ianthe’s fancy silver car is waiting for them. “So what happened to suddenly drive you into my arms? I mean it was fun but you’re usually such a prude,” Ianthe says like it’s supposed to be new information that will enlighten you on your own nature.
“I wanted to try something new I suppose,” you say because it’s not entirely a lie. You have been wanting to go further with Ianthe for a little bit now but that wasn’t it. Most of the reason you did this was because of Gideon, she left you. The only person you’ve ever truly loved, the only person you would die for doesn’t care about you now. If she hated you that would be familiar, she’d hated you for so long, but now she is completely indifferent to your existence.
“Well I’m glad that I’m the one you chose,” she says to you and you smile. It’s not that you don’t like Ianthe, she’s as entertaining as she is irritating and she puts up with everything that you’ve already thrown at her. But she will never fill the hole in your heart that is and always will be Gideon Nav, you’ll have to accept that this is your life now.