Chapter Text
The afternoon market had been perfectly peaceful.
There were vendors calling out prices, children running between stalls, the distant clatter of dishes, and the sweet smell of candied fruit drifting through the streets.
Then three local thugs spotted them.
Three slender, graceful men standing alone in a side alley.
One in green robes, holding an elegant paper fan.
One in white, serene beneath his bamboo hat.
And one in black and red, currently occupied with a stick of candied hawthorns.
The lead thug exchanged a look with his companions.
Three easy targets.
What could possibly go wrong?
Quite a lot, as it turned out.
Shen Qingqiu's fan snapped shut.
"How unfortunate."
A faint ripple of spiritual energy gathered around his fingers.
Xie Lian quietly shifted his weight. Ruoye stirred beneath his sleeve, responding to his master's movement.
Wei Wuxian, however, stopped chewing.
His eyes slowly moved from the thugs...
to Shen Qingqiu...
to Xie Lian...
Then back to the thugs.
A tiny smile appeared.
It was the smile of a man who had just discovered the world's most irresponsible solution to a problem.
"Wait."
Shen Qingqiu frowned.
"Wei Wuxian, what are you—"
"Don't move."
"Why?"
Wei Wuxian's grin widened.
"Trust me."
That sentence had never ended well for anyone.
Before either of them could react, Wei Wuxian sprang into action.
He caught Shen Qingqiu by the shoulders and tugged his outer robe loose.
"WEI WUXIAN!"
Shen Qingqiu's eyes went wide.
"Give that back!"
At the same time, Wei Wuxian caught Xie Lian's collar and pulled it askew.
"Gege?!"
Xie Lian blinked.
His bamboo hat slipped sideways.
And then Wei Wuxian dramatically grabbed his own robes and loosened them as well.
Shen Qingqiu stared at him in utter disbelief.
Xie Lian stared at him in equal disbelief.
The three thugs stared at all three of them.
For approximately two seconds, nobody moved.
Wei Wuxian's expression became solemn.
Then he dropped to his knees.
"HELP!"
The shout echoed through the alley.
"LAN ZHAN!"
He clutched his cheeks with both hands.
"SOMEONE SAVE US!"
Shen Qingqiu's soul nearly left his body.
"Wei Wuxian, I am going to—"
"They're tearing our clothes off!"
There was silence.
A very brief silence.
Then the entire alley exploded.
Not metaphorically.
A violent surge of spiritual, demonic, and ghostly power ripped through the street. Dust erupted from the rooftops. Wooden shutters flew open. A nearby sign snapped cleanly in half.
The brick wall beside the thugs collapsed beneath the shockwave.
The three men were thrown backward, landing in a heap against the remaining rubble.
One of them looked around wildly.
"What..."
Another pointed toward the newly created hole in the wall.
"WHO DID THAT?!"
The answer stepped through the dust.
First came Lan Wangji.
Bichen was already drawn, frost creeping across the stones beneath his feet. His expression was completely blank.
Which somehow made him far more terrifying.
Beside him came Luo Binghe.
The demonic energy surrounding him was so intense that the air itself seemed to shudder. His crimson eyes fixed on the three thugs.
And then came Hua Cheng.
He walked calmly through the settling dust, silver butterflies swirling around him.
He was smiling.
That was the worst part.
The three thugs stared.
Then slowly looked at one another.
One whispered:
"...We should run."
The other whispered back:
"Run where?"
They looked behind them.
There was no wall anymore.
Then the three supernatural husbands looked toward the other end of the alley.
Their eyes landed on the three supposedly helpless victims.
Shen Qingqiu was furiously trying to rearrange his robes.
Xie Lian was sitting there looking more confused than frightened.
And Wei Wuxian...
Wei Wuxian was sitting between them with his head lowered.
His shoulders trembled.
Behind the terrifying wall of their respective husbands, Wei Wuxian tucked his chin against his collarbones, hiding the widest, most unhinged, satisfied grin of his life.