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Eddie Diaz had never considered himself subtle.
Not really. Sure, he was…quiet sometimes. But he's also spent years being accused of being intense, actually. Too serious, too focused, too quiet in a way that apparently radiated emotional repression to literally everyone around him. Which, okay, fair enough. But subtle? No. That was never a word that had been used to describe him.
And yet somehow, despite what he considered to be increasingly obvious attempts at coming out, nobody at the 118 seemed to notice a damn thing.
It all started with the pin.
Well, actually, it all started with a trip to a gay bar for pride with his friends that turned into some guy in the bathroom pushing him up against the wall after a few too many tequila shots and the loss of his religious guilt. But, for purposes of what he's willing to actually tell people? It started with the pin.
A tiny rainbow flag pin attached to the strap of his duffel bag. It was tasteful and understated, but Impossible to miss if you had functioning eyeballs.
Eddie had stared at himself in the mirror for almost ten minutes before his first shift wearing it, stomach twisting hard enough to make him feel nauseous. He’d bought it three weeks earlier from a bookstore in Silver Lake after circling the display like a man approaching a bomb.
It wasn’t even a big deal. Plenty of people wore pins. Hen had a Black Lives Matter one on her backpack along with her little lesbian flag and something from Mara’s dance school. Chim occasionally wore weird novelty ones Maddie bought him online or things that the kids had made. Buck once wore a pin that said hot girls hit curbs, because he thought it was funny. It wasn't odd for all of them to express themselves through magnets in their lockers and pins of their duffles…
So Eddie clipped the rainbow pin onto his bag and waited for someone to notice. If course, it was Buck first.
“Cool pin,” he said casually while they unloaded gear after a call, bumping his shoulder into Eddie's with a smile. His pulse immediately skyrocketed, realizing that this could be the moment.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Buck grinned. “I love that Hen and I have gotten you all to be so outspoken as allies!” He patted Eddie on the shoulder as he walked away, calling out to Chim to see what was next on the station chore list.
That was it.
That was the whole interaction.
Eddie stood there holding a medical case like an idiot while his brain short-circuited. Ally? Ally?
The point of the rainbow was not, in fact, merely that it contained colors or that it was for hen or Buck or anyone else. It was for himself. And Buck should have realized that. Shouldn't he? They'd been friends for years and Eddie had never once worn anything pride related himself. Sure, he'd gone to pride and out to gay bars and clubs with the team. He's wingmaned Bbuck far more times than he ever wanted to for both women and men. But surely Buck could recognize that this was not Eddie's normal behavior?
He spent the rest of the shift in a state of low-level outrage. If Buck couldn't figure it out, then Hen would. Because she noticed everything and always had a comment about it.
Hen, however, only glanced at the pin once before saying, “Cute,” and continuing her story about Mara’s latest dance recital disaster.
No follow-up questions or knowing looks were thrown his way. He wasn't cornered in the locker room later as she dug through his life and asked invasive questions. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
By the end of the shift Eddie was half convinced maybe he’d hallucinated the universal cultural significance of rainbow flags entirely.
—
The second attempt was clothing-based.
This one was harder because Eddie had spent most of his adult life dressing like a divorced suburban dad who bought all his clothes from Costco in bulk. Buck had even once described his wardrobe as “aggressively heterosexual.”
Eddie still wasn’t over it.
But after approximately two hours of online shopping and one deeply stressful trip to a vintage store where the cashier had called him babe twice, Eddie acquired several new shirts.
The first one he tried at work was black. It was cut like his usual lounge tees, so not a huge change. It was sleeveless, cut purposefully, which also wasn't odd. But it was…slightly cropped. It wasn't dramatic. It didn’t show stomach unless he lifted his arms. But it was definitely shorter than anything Eddie had ever voluntarily worn before and it was definitely not something he'd usually wear to work even if he knew he'd be changing before their shift started. He usually stuck to jeans and a basic henley, so he figured that someone was going to have to notice.
He walked into the station feeling like every person on earth was staring at him later that week. Sure, it wasn't a huge change from his normal wardrobe, but he did feel a bit exposed as he walked into the locker room and started loading his locker for the day, the shirt riding up every time he reached a little too high.
Nobody reacted immediately.
Then Buck looked up from the bench and choked on his coffee.
Okay.
Okay, that was…something. He knows that Buck realized that something was different and Eddie tried very hard to act normal about it.
“You good?”
Buck coughed violently into his elbow. “Yep.”
“You sure?”
“Mm-hm.”
He eyed Buck a little more, taking in the fact that his ears had gone pink and his smile pulled into a tight line that made it seem like he was holding something back.
Interesting.
Eddie sat down carefully after shucking his sweatpants for his uniform slacks and clutched his LAFD undershirt in his hands, pretending not to notice Buck repeatedly glancing at him over the next twenty minutes
After a bit, Chim wandered in, glancing at them when he looked up from his phone, likely getting ready to grab them for line up.
“Why are your arms out?”
Eddie blinked. “What?” That was not what he'd expected to be the first thing out of his Captain's mouth.
“You’re usually emotionally committed to sleeves.”
Hen snorted from her spot on the corner as she loaded her own locker for the night.
“It’s ninety degrees outside,” Eddie defended.
Chim narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “This feels like a personality shift.”
Eddie’s heart leapt. “Yes,” he said, trying to be casual and probably failing horribly. “Maybe I’m evolving.”
Buck made a strangled noise into his coffee again and Hen looked between them slowly, amusement in her eyes.
“Good for you,” she said to Eddie as she walked toward the door, parting him on the shoulder as she passed. Which was somehow worse than any other option he was prepared for.
Because what did that mean?
Good for you because he was dressing differently? Good for you because she knew? Good for you because–
God. Why was this so hard?
—
Things escalated gradually after that.
More rings.
Slightly tighter shirts.
A chain necklace that Buck stared at for an entire shift before accidentally walking into the side mirror of the engine.
Eddie downloaded Spotify playlists with titles like sad gay yearning and listened to them while cleaning the kitchen in the loft.
He started using hair products, something more than the gel that usually shellacked his hair to his head. Instead opting for a mouse that helped soften the little bit of wave that he had always tried so hard to tame.
That one actually got reactions.
“Who are you trying to impress?” Chim asked immediately when he turned to face Eddie the first shift he tried the new style at work.
Eddie nearly dropped an entire tray of mugs.
“No one.”
“Uh-huh.”
Buck appeared in the doorway then, took one look at Eddie, and froze. Again. Just completely stopped moving. It happened so frequently now that Eddie was starting to develop a complex about it.
Buck recovered a second later, to the point where Eddie was sure he might be the only one who even noticed.
“Your hair looks nice.”
“Thanks.”
Silence.
Buck continued staring.
“Buck?”
“Sorry.”
But he still looked dazed. And honestly? Eddie didn’t know what to do with that.
Because the thing was–
He’d had the realization about Buck before the realization about himself. Which was deeply inconvenient.
It had happened slowly, then all at once. Years of moments stacking together until Eddie couldn’t ignore the shape of them anymore. The way Buck touched him. The way Eddie looked for Buck first after every call. The terrifying understanding that nobody had ever mattered to him quite this much before.
Then there’d been the jealousy. In the end, that had really sealed it and got him to look more at himself. Eddie had spent three miserable weeks pretending not to care about Buck going out with some guy he met at the gym before finally sitting alone in his kitchen at two in the morning and realizing…
Oh.
Oh, shit.
And once he admitted that part, the rest came crashing down too. The attraction to men that he’d spent years carefully ignoring suddenly seemed incredibly obvious in hindsight, almost Like discovering an entire section of his life highlighted in neon that he'd just never noticed before.
So yeah.
Eddie was gay.
Or bisexual maybe. Technically demisexual based on that reddit post he read two weeks ago. But the label itself mattered less than the fact that he wanted. Well. He wanted Buck. Mostly Buck, at least. Probably exclusively Buck if he was being honest with himself.
And that was another problem entirely.
—
“You know,” Hen said one afternoon while they restocked supplies in the ambulance, and out of earshot of the rest of the team. “Most people just verbally come out.”
Eddie almost dropped a box of gauze.
“What?”
She smirked without looking up from the cabinet she was digging through. “This weird peacock mating ritual thing you’ve got going on? Fascinating, but unnecessary.”
Eddie just stared at her. He's gone from pretty sure no one had noticed to suddenly feeling exposed in a way that made him want to find cover and hide.
“You know?”
Hen finally looked over at him and sighed. “Eddie. You started wearing rings and listening to Chappell Roan loud enough for the whole garage to hear and I know your son who cares about legos and fortnite just like Denny is not exactly falling all over the vocal stylings of the newest queer icon for her to be a choice for Chris.”
His face immediately caught fire and he felt himself blush all the way up to the tips of his ears
“Omigod.”
“And the crop tops are getting progressively shorter.”
“They are not–”
“They absolutely are, Eddie. I'm pretty sure we could all see the top of your ribcage last week when you grabbed a cup of coffee before shift.”
Eddie covered his face with both hands and groaned as Hen just laughed softly at him.
“You know nobody here cares, right?”
“That’s not– I know that.”
“Then what’s the issue?”
Eddie hesitated at that. Because he couldn’t exactly say I think I’m in love with Buck and I’m trying to see if he notices before I embarrass myself horribly. He wanted to be open and honest, but he wasn't exactly ready to go there yet. Even with some safe and who could maybe understand, like Hen
Hen’s expression shifted slightly anyway, like maybe she understood more than he'd actually said out loud. Which was deeply unfair of her but also made him wonder how much of him was just transparent at this point. It's a terrifying thought.
“I just wanted…” Eddie trailed off helplessly with a shrug. “I don’t know. I wanted it to happen naturally.”
“Well, from where I’m standing? Buck looks about two seconds away from having a crisis every time you walk into a room lately.”
Eddie blinked. “What?”
“You heard me,” Hen said with a smirk as she patted his shoulder and walked away. Which was objectively evil behavior but what more should he have expected from his friends.
—
After the talk with Hen, Eddie started noticing things. Started taking more time to watch Buck and see how he acted not just when they were alone, but with the others. He always watched Buck, if he were honest, but now he started to see things a little bit differently.
He started to see Buck hovering closer than usual or sometimes staring openly before catching himself and looking down while a faint blush painted the high points of his cheeks. He noticed the way that Buck would go oddly quiet when Eddie wore a new shirt, usually one without sleeves or had that new cropped style.
And then there was the touching.
Jesus Christ…the touching.
Buck had always been tactile and Eddie had always accepted it, but lately it felt different somehow. Lingering hands at Eddie’s waist. Fingers brushing his wrist. A palm against the small of his back that made Eddie forget entire conversations.
Maybe Hen was right. Maybe Buck was noticing the change and maybe, just maybe, he was noticing a little bit more too.
But if he was noticing, he wasn’t saying anything.
And Eddie was rapidly approaching the end of his patience about it.
—
The breaking point came on a Thursday.
Eddie was exhausted after they’d spent most of the shift dealing with a six-car pileup in brutal heat and some of the worst humidity he'd experienced since moving out of Texas. He was sweaty and irritated and emotionally hanging on by a thread not just because of work but because Buck had spent the entire day unconsciously staring at Eddie’s mouth to the point it had hindered them at the scene.
It hadn't been subtle, just him fully looking, staring intently at Eddie's lips as they moved, obviously not hearing a single question or instruction that came from them. He always looked away quickly whenever Eddie caught him and at this point Eddie genuinely felt like he was losing his mind over it all.
So when they finally got back to the station and Ravi casually said, “Hey, cool pride pin,” in the locker room, something inside Eddie snapped.
“THANK YOU!” He burst out, obvious frustration curling through his tone.
Ravi blinked, Hen rolled her eyes by her own locker and Buck looked up from where he was unlacing his boots with a startled little jump.
Eddie threw his hands into the air.
“Finally! Someone says something!”
“…About the pin?” Ravi asked cautiously.
“Yes, about the pin! And the shirts! And the rings! And literally everything else!”
And while Ravi and Hen and literally anyone else in ear shit started to pack up faster and excuse themselves from the room, Buck just was…staring. Intently. As Eddie simply felt himself physically begin to spiral, but being unable to stop it.
“I have been trying to come out for, like, two months,” he said. “Subtly. Which apparently was a mistake because none of you people notice anything.”
Ravi looked deeply alarmed by the turn of events while Buck just continued to be rooted in his spot. Completely frozen while Eddie pointed accusingly at both of them.
“I’m gay,” he declared.
Silence.
Then, because apparently the humiliation ritual could always get worse, Eddie added, “Well, bisexual or something probably, but that feels beside the point right now.”
Ravi’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline, his eyes fliting around the room like he was looking for help while Buck just kept standing there uselessly, just staring.
Eddie couldn't help it. He groaned. Loudly and with his impatience bleeding through.
“You know what? Forget it.”
Then he slammed his locker shut and stormed out.
Behind him, Ravi whispered a very audible, “Omigid, Eddie finally came out!”
Eddie didn't have the heart or patience to turn back. Instead he took himself downstairs into the basement and buried himself face-first into his pillow in the bunk room and considered faking his own death.
This was it.
This was how he died.
Not in a fire or an explosion or a shooting in the middle of downtown LA. No, he could survive all of that. He would perish from terminal embarrassment after dramatically announcing his sexuality in a locker room like a deranged theater kid.
Perfect.
Just perfect. Because that's always what he wanted for his life.
It took a few minutes and Eddie really thought for a moment he was going to doze off when the mattress dipped behind him and a quiet, “hey” was whispered into the air.
Eddie didn't move, not until Buck leaned a bit closer, placing a hand on his upper arm. “Hey. Eds,” he said again, equally as quiet but also a bit devastated. Eddie couldn't help but sigh, his revolve cracking.
“I’m dead.”
“I noticed.”
Eddie groaned into the pillow allowing himself to revel in the pause before Buck spoke again carefully.
“For what it’s worth– I uh– I thought you knew that I– that I knew.”
Eddie lifted his head slowly. “What?”
Buck looked almost nervous as he spoke, fingers twisting the comforter beneath Eddie in between his fingers. And that. That was new. Sure, Buck could get nervous sometimes but never with Eddie. Not since that very first shift they worked together, where Eddie thought he'd have to switch stations before he even finished one day as a probie. But after that, Buck had never shown a hint of nerves around him. Until now.
“I mean–not at first. The pin maybe could’ve been coincidence or like ya know, support for all of us. But then the shirts started happening and–”
“The shirts,” Eddie repeated weakly watching as Buck's ears turned that delicious shade of pink again.
“Yeah.”
“Oh my God.”
“And the rings.” Buck laughed softly. “And the necklace you started with two weeks ago. Eddie, you basically transformed into the hot mechanic from the beginning of a gay promo overnight! I figured you were trying to say something or that it was an accident or something. But then you just– you kept doing it”
Eddie stared at him trying to put the pieces together and–
“That’s what you thought?”
Buck blinked. “Was I not supposed to?”
“No, I just–” Eddie sat up abruptly. “Then why didn’t you say anything?”
Buck looked almost startled by the question. “Because it’s your thing to say and I didn't want to make it weird.”
“But you were staring at me constantly! That's pretty weird Buck!”
Buck made a strangled sound in the back of his throat.
“You noticed that?”
“Buck.”
“Right. Okay.”
He rubbed a hand over his face with a sigh and suddenly Eddie realized Buck looked almost as wrecked as he felt. And he didn't even want to think about what might be reflecting from his own face.
“You okay?” Eddie asked cautiously.
Buck laughed once, slightly hysterical.
“Not especially, no.”
Something shifted in Eddie’s chest at that, like he had to ask. Like he should get the reasoning and hold onto it tightly.
“Why?” He asked.
Buck looked at him for a long moment, like he was debating how truthful to be. Then he said very quietly, “Because you’ve been walking around looking ridiculously hot for two months and I’ve been trying not to lose my mind about it.”
Eddie stopped breathing. Actually completely stopped breathing for a moment, eyes tracking over Buck's horrified expression.
“Cool,” he said faintly to himself, not even giving Eddie the chance to respond. “Awesome. Great timing, Buck.”
“No, wait–”
“I should go I–”
“Buck!’
The man in question froze, lowering himself back on the bed as Eddie felt his heart pounding so fast that it physically hurt.
“You’re losing your mind about it?”
Buck stared at him helplessly and then sighed, a bit of tension bleeding out of him as if he'd given up.
“Yes.”
“Oh,” Eddie whispered.
“Yeah.”
And suddenly every weird look and lingering touch and pink-eared silence over the past two months rearranged themselves in Eddie’s brain all at once.
“Oh,” he said again, this time sounding a little wrecked.
Buck laughed nervously. “That’s usually not the response you want after confessing feelings you know.”
“You have feelings.”
Buck looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him whole. “Eddie…cmon, man.”
“No, I need clarification here.”
Buck covered his face with both hands and groaned deeply, that pink flush getting deeper. “You cannot possibly be this oblivious.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you!”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Says the man who started dressing like a bisexual thirst trap instead of just asking me out!”
Eddie made an offended noise.
“I did not–”
“You wore a crop top to breakfast!”
“It was barely cropped!”
Buck just crossed his arms, giving Eddie the space to roll his eyes.
“…Okay maybe a little.”
Buck dropped his hands, looking somewhere between exasperated and fond and also a little terrified. And God, Eddie knew that expression. He’d been carrying versions of it himself for months now and he hadnt–hed had suspicions maybe. But he'd never thought that Buck would return his feelings. And the realization settled into him, warm and dizzying.
Buck wanted him. Buck wanted Eddie the way Eddie wanted Buck. And maybe, just maybe, if he was insanely lucky, Buck might just love him back.
“Well,” Eddie said slowly, “in my defense, I didn’t know if you were into men.”
Buck blinked. “Eddie, I dated a guy last year.”
“Right. Yeah.”
“And I literally flirt with men constantly. You've wing-manned me. You know I'm into men.”
“Right, yea no. I meant men like–me?”
Buck snorted and okay, that was fair. Eddie hadn't meant it to come out like that but he definitely could see the humor in the way he was handling it.
Then they both went quiet again and the air between them charged in a way that was heavy and expectant, like the universe itself was waiting for one of them to be brave. For someone to take the next step.
Eddie looked at Buck’s mouth. He noticed Buck noticing. He also noticed the way that Buck's breath hitches slightly as he leaned instinctively closer, like he was waiting for permission.
“Oh,” Eddie said softly, a little breathless with it.
All Buck could do was smile and whisper back. “Yeah.”
“Okay.”
And then Buck kissed him, like that was all he needed to close that last bit of space that was still between them. It happened carefully at first, like Buck still wasn’t entirely convinced this was real. One hand cupping Eddie’s jaw gently, hesitant enough that Eddie could pull away if he wanted.
He absolutely did not want to.
Eddie grabbed the front of Buck’s shirt and kissed him harder almost immediately, trying to tell Buck as physically as possible that he was okay. He wasn't going to break a part. Buck made a startled noise against his mouth before melting into it completely.
And holy shit.
Holy shit.
Eddie had imagined this before, obviously. More times than he cared to admit. But the reality of it was worse. Or better. Truly it was dangerously better. All consuming in the best way possible.
Buck kissed like he did everything else in his life. Wholeheartedly. Warm and eager and just a little overwhelming in the best possible way.
Eddie felt dizzy with it.
Buck’s hand slid into his hair, tilting his head so the kiss could be deeper, and Eddie made an embarrassing sound into the kiss that he's pretty sure was somewhere between a gasp and a moan that he definitely had never made before. And he'd probably be embarrassed about it if it wasn't Buck. If this wasn't everything he'd ever wanted offered up to him for the taking.
When they finally pulled apart, both of them breathing hard, Buck rested his forehead against Eddie’s.
“Wow,” Buck whispered, as if there was nothing else he could say.
“uh-huh.”
Buck laughed softly, almost disbelieving. “You know,” he murmured, “I really thought I was hallucinating the crop tops.”
Eddie groaned.
“Can we never talk about the crop tops again?”
“Nope.”
“Buck.”
“You were literally peacocking.”
“I hate you.”
Buck grinned against his mouth. “No, you don’t.”
Unfortunately, he was correct. So Eddie kissed him again instead of answering.
Somewhere downstairs they could hear Chim yelling about somebody stealing his yogurt, followed by Ravi loudly apologizing and then a loud bang and someone yelling “Chimney!” Almost in the way you would a misbehaving toddler.
Buck started laughing into the kiss and all Eddie could do was smile helplessly against his mouth.
And for the first time in months, everything felt easy.