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“Grace sleep often lately.”
Grace lazily rubs his eyes and yawns.
“I know. My iron and vitamin D levels are becoming very low. It makes me more tired,” Grace replies.
Rocky hums low and paces his side of the Xenonite barrier. He feels useful, helpless. Their whole plan together is to make it to Erid and his planet’s best scientists will help fix everything. But, how can that happen if Grace is too sick to recover, or worse - dies, before they can get there?
They have approximately 109.6 days remaining until they reach Erid. Things were looking hopeful for the first third of the journey. But this last year has been taking a toll. The days seem longer and Grace hardly has the energy to do their usual pastimes.
Grace shivers suddenly, causing Rocky to chirr nervously. Grace pulls a blanket off the floor and drapes it around his shoulders as he heads to make his morning tea.
Grace’s current morning “tea” consists of a single chamomile tea bag cut open and the leaves rationed into eight servings. Rocky wonders if it’s a human habit for Grace to continue making this hot beverage. It’s 98% boiling water from the kettle and not much else.
“Rocky need to fix Grace,” Rocky chides, his tone pleading.
Grace takes a small sip from his mug and sighs, seeming to ponder over a response.
“We’ve talked about this, bud. You can’t pull the nutrients I need out of thin air. I just need better food. I’m down to only four ounces of coma slurry twice a week,” Grace says, his voice rough and speech slow. “Taumoeba provides me some calories but not much else.”
Rocky currs sadly, his back claw stomping quietly. “Rocky will find fix to help. Rocky will… Rocky will try.”
Grace looks at him sorely, a weak smile tugging his lips to the side. “Okay, Rock.”
He tugs his blanket tighter around his shoulders, another wave of shivers wracking his body. The hot water barely does enough to warm him, to fill the aching hole growing in his stomach and chest.
Grace knows it’s not just the food causing him to feel so awful. Of course, the lack of real, enjoyable food with flavor is driving him close to insanity, but it’s not that simple. The pit of doom and despair he can’t seem to shake is from the lack of people, human connection… touch.
Of course, Rocky keeps him plenty company. They’ve filled the first three years with countless games of cards, karaoke, coloring, building, planning, talking…
When Rocky dragged him from the control room and saved his life, that was the last time he had skin to skin contact with anything sentient. Grace absently ran a thumb over the raised scarring on his arm. It almost felt like enough, almost.
The last human touch he had wasn’t kind.
He remembers that day in flashes, here and there. Grace really only recalls the damp grass and the smell of earth as his face was pressed roughly into the ground. The guards weren’t gentle with restraining him, why would they be? He was a coward who ran. And the last and only memory he has of another human being touching him was cruel, cold, and calculated.
He prefers the burn Rocky left him.
Rocky kept busy on his portable earth thinking machine for the rest of the afternoon, researching, but watched Grace with a close eye.
Grace spent his day wondering about the Hail Mary. Rocky grew increasingly concerned after he spent 2.87 hours staring out the viewing window in the control room. Then Grace found a book to read but fell asleep against the Xenonite barrier before he could open it.
By dinner, which for Grace, meant eating a mixture of Taumoeba and water while sealed away in the airlock. Rocky doesn’t mind this eating arrangement, but he knows it bothers Grace deeply. As human culture goes, eating is very social and community based. Grace lacks almost every human aspect in that while aboard the Hail Mary.
After Grace emerges from the airlock, he heads straight for the dormitory to wash up. Maybe it’s a little overkill to take such great precaution. But it limits the risk of another Taumoeba outbreak and it’s not a hypothesis either of them want to try out.
“Grace have nice meal, question?” Rocky asks, following Grace in his Xenonite ball.
Grace frowns, pausing slightly as Rocky enters the room. “Yeah… why are you asking?”
Rocky hums. “Rocky research. Typical human conversation to ask about meal time. Was meal pleasant?”
Grace breathes out a laugh and shakes his head. He turns to the tap and begins to fill the sink with warm water and a drop of soap. Grace truly couldn’t remember the last time he had a shower. If he knew he was going to be the one living on the Hail Mary for years, he would’ve protested for Stratt to add one.
“I mean, as pleasant as eating microscopic alien life forms can be, I guess.”
“Ugh,” Rocky grumbles, but quickly corrects his tone. “Apology, that does sound… pleasant.”
“We don’t have to talk about eating, Rock. It’s okay.”
“Rocky want to make Grace feel better. Thinking machine recommend discussion of food and the weather.”
Grace hums to himself and turns off the tap. He plunges the sponge into the warm water and practically moans at the sensation. Warmth.
He’s about to start removing his sweater and pants when he remembers Rocky was still in the room with him. It’s unlike him to linger this long.
“Uh, some privacy so I can bathe?”
“Rocky can stay, question?” Rocky thrums, lifting his carapace in what Grace knows as a “please?” gesture.
“Bathing is private, Rock. You know this. Just like when I use the bathroom,” Grace explains, his voice sounding far away from himself.
He swirls the water between his fingers. If he didn’t have to conserve it, he would bathe himself ten times a day, just to feel this level of warmth and comfort. But, once a day is all the system can handle now. The secondary water pump broke months ago (a fix is still in the works) and clean drinking water is more important than being clean, he guesses.
“Hmm. Rocky know. Rocky want to make Grace feel safe, statement.”
Grace is about to open his mouth to protest, explaining that no, that it’s still a weird thing to watch your space companion bathe. But, the energy to form words suddenly felt like too much. The warm, sudsy water was starting to cool, only by a degree or two, and it was calling to Grace like a siren.
“S-sure, fine,” Grace breathed, turning his full attention back to the sink.
He quickly shed all his clothes until he was nude. The Grace from a few years ago would’ve been absolutely horrified at the thought of stripping down in front of Rocky - or really anyone! But, this new Grace barely had the energy to blush at the thought. He just kept his back turned away from Rocky and focused on how good this pathetic sponge bath was about to feel.
He wrings out the large sponge and begins at his chest, simply to feel the warmth. The excess water drips down his abdomen and onto his feet. He hugs the sponge to his chest. Grace tries to imagine he was hugging another person, but couldn’t think of a name or a face to put on them. The thought was depressing and tragically miserable.
Grace lets out a shaky sigh. He releases the now cold sponge from his chest and dunks it back in the sink of water. He feels tears beginning to burn his eyes, but blinks them away. He will get through this without crying one time. For Rocky.
He continues his usual routine. Face, hair, legs, midsection, arms, privates. He takes his time on his arms and midsection especially, the tepidness of the water momentarily soothing his mind and relaxing his muscles.
Grace briefly turns to glance at Rocky, forgetting he was still there after a while. Rocky sat patiently in his ball, limbs tucked underneath himself like a cat.
Grace quickly finishes up his pathetic bath, suddenly feeling a little exposed and self-conscious. He wraps a towel around his waist and pads across the dormitory to put on some clean clothes.
“Grace anxious, question?”
Grace nearly jumps out of skin at the sound of Rocky. He was incredibly quiet the whole process, not making a single hum or chitter once.
“N-no,” Grace stammers. “Why are you asking?”
He grabs the first sweater and pants he can find. He drops the towel and changes quickly, a blush growing across his face. No longer having the warmth of the sponge to distract him, he does feel more anxious and jumpy than before. It’s like he suddenly became aware that someone was watching him.
“Grace breathing and heart rate increase rapidly after finish bath. Was much more calm before,” Rocky explains, standing up in his ball and rolling a little closer.
Grace clears his throat and turns toward the mirror to comb his unruly hair. “Yeah, the warm water felt… really nice. Comforting. It’s relaxing to be warm.”
Rocky hums as he thinks about this. “Grace need Hail Mary to be more warm?”
Grace shakes his head and turns towards Rocky. “No, it’s not that.”
Grace turns to sit in a nearby chair and pulls on his socks. “The warmth of the water and the sponge… It almost feels like… a hug? Sort of like human touch, maybe? I just haven’t had that in a really long time and I miss it.”
He wasn’t really sure why he was being so honest with Rocky suddenly. They have before obviously, but not really to this extent. Maybe because he already felt completely exposed moments before, why not share even more?
“Grace can hug Rocky,” Rocky reminds him, standing a little taller. “Grace can hug Rocky any time.”
Grace laughed weakly. “I know, bud. Thank you. But, it’s not the same. You’re separated by Xenonite and in a ball.”
Rocky grumbled and lowered his carapace, unhappy with Grace’s response.
“Hey, hey,” Grace says, softly. He walks over to Rocky and kneels in front of him. “I’ll take what I can get, alright? This is enough.”
Grace wraps his arms around the Xenonite ball and presses his cheek against the clear material. It's a cold and sterile feeling, definitely not at all similar to a real hug. But it’s the only one he’s had in…
Rocky returns the hug how he usually does, by pressing the top of his carapace to the top of the ball. Rocky doesn’t feel much when they hug either. It’s a gesture that originally felt foreign and odd. Rocky eventually found comfort in it too, especially since it brings Grace some peace.
“Movie time?” Grace asks, pulling away from Rocky and offering a small smile.
“Movie time,” Rocky chimes, wiggling his body happily.
After a short debate, they settle on watching “The Fall Guy”. Only because Rocky swears the main character, Colt Seavers, looks just like Grace. Grace only accepts the compliment because he’s too sleepy to argue.
Grace ends up falling asleep about forty-five minutes in, but Rocky doesn’t mind this time. He continues to watch and starts on his next project, one that will help fix Grace.
Rocky’s not sure why he felt intrigued to watch Grace bathe today. His portable earth thinking machine definitely did not suggest it. But, still, Rocky felt a pull to keep him company when Grace was the most vulnerable. Rocky also admired the human’s body, in a scientific way and for selfish reasons. Grace’s body is so soft in appearance, almost no sharp edges. All rounded corners and sloping sides, almost no end or beginning. It’s spectacularly different from an Eridian. Especially the hair. Rocky did not know Grace has hair in other places than his face and head. Fascinating.
Rocky could describe Grace in his limited English as beautiful, pretty, or nice. Or, better, a word they haven’t yet established together: otherworldly.
The next morning, Grace wakes leaning against the Xenonite barrier. Right. He fell asleep watching the movie they picked out. Usually Rocky has some choice words after he wakes up for missing the film, but it’s uncharacteristically quiet.
He stretches and yawns, glancing around to see where Rocky may be at.
“Rocky?”
Grace suddenly hears a whoosh of air and clattering coming from the control room. He shakily stands to his feet and tiptoes across the lab.
As he rounds the corner, he spots Rocky. The sight of him stops Grace dead in his tracks.
His eyes widen. “Rocky?!”
Rocky chitters excitedly and stomps his legs as Grace takes in the sight of him.
“Rocky made Xenonite suit! Stay up all night to build. Has cooling pack and extra vent! Look, look, look!”
Grace stared in amazement. Rocky did, in fact, make a suit entirely out of Xenonite. It looks like hundreds of little puzzle pieces connected together, forming across his carapace and limbs perfectly. Even his hands and fingers have mobility now. Rocky proves this by doing his “thumbs up” impression.
“I made for you. So we can hug better,” Rocky sings quietly. He steps closer, his body still jittery with excitement.
“So Grace can feel warm touch. Is okay? Is Grace happy, question?” Rocky hums, tilting his body.
Grace felt a tear fall onto his cheek and realized why Rocky was asking. He was crying. Rocky stayed up all night to make an entire Xenonite suit just so Grace can hug him. He was speechless. He didn’t know if he could speak if he tried, he was worried he would just start to sob.
Grace reaches out with a shaky hand, hovering just a few inches above Rocky’s new suit.
He must’ve hovered there a moment too long, because Rocky closes the gap by raising his carapace, allowing Grace to finally touch him.
A gasp gets stuck in his throat. He can’t believe it.
“You’re so… warm,” Grace whispers, his throat tightening.
It was a pitiful attempt to hold back his sobs now. Grace’s legs give out from under him and he falls to his knees. Rocky purrs quietly and slowly makes his way into Grace’s arms, nestling in where it feels like he most belongs.
Grace drapes himself over Rocky, knowing he can hold his weight with no difficulty. He slots his hands under Rocky’s arms and squeezes tight. Rocky’s low purring vibrates in his chest and the warmth he kicks off through the thin Xenonite suit is heavenly.
Grace was itching to know how Rocky pulled this off. How was he able to get the perfect temperature to radiate through the Xenonite, so he didn’t overheat or burn Grace? But, he couldn't ask now. His mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts and wants and needs.
And this is exactly what he needed.
Grace cried so hard he was making a slobbering mess on Rocky’s new suit. He had a feeling Rocky was completely grossed out by this, but he kept quiet until Grace’s crying slowly subsided.
“Grace,” Rocky hums softly. “Good, question?”
Grace sucks in a shaky breath and sighs. “More than good, Rock. So good.”
“Happy, happy, happy!”
Grace isn’t sure how long he stayed draped over Rocky like this. Eventually though, Grace was exhausted from crying so hard and desperately wanted to lay down.
“Grace should eat first before sleep,” Rocky suggests, scurrying behind as he follows Grace to the dormitory.
“I’ll eat later. I want to sleep in a bed for a little bit first,” Grace explains, turning his neck to the side. Sleeping against a Xenonite wall wasn’t exactly comfortable.
“Fine,” Rocky grumbles.
Grace pulls back the covers on his bunk and pauses.
“Rocky,” Grace says, softly.
“Yes, Grace?” Rocky purrs, raising his carapace slightly.
“Will you… sleep next to me?”
Grace felt his face flush slightly at his request. Rocky just had to deal with his blubbering mess for nearly a half hour, he’s sure he has a thousand other tasks he’d rather do now.
“Yes, yes, yes! Rocky would love to sleep with Grace!”
Grace chuckles, his face instantly feeling hot. No point in correcting him now, they’re about to share a bed for crying out loud!
“O-okay,” Grace says quietly, slipping under the covers and patting the space next to him for Rocky to join.
Rocky eagerly crawls his way to the bed and settles beside Grace. They leave a small gap between them and a silence covers the room.
Until Grace begins to shiver.
“Grace…” Rocky hums, fidgeting slightly.
“Mm. C’mere,” Grace murmurs, rolling over and pulling Rocky close to chest.
He shamelessly wraps both arms and legs around Rocky’s body, taking in as much warmth as he can. Rocky returns the favor by resting a gentle claw on Grace’s waist and thigh.
He sighs deeply. He hasn’t felt this kind of connection in years. He actually doesn’t remember having this sort of bond with anyone on earth before, maybe he just can’t remember or maybe he just never had. Either way, he has a funny thought to thank Stratt for this moment. Throwing him on a ship against his will is unforgivable, but he thanks the stars everyday for bringing him someone-something like Rocky.
“Grace heart rate elevated. Rocky suppose to provide comfort,” Rocky buzzes, attempting to wiggle from Grace’s grasp.
Grace holds on to him tight. “No, no, no. I’m happy, Rocky, I promise. This is,” his voice breaks, “this is exactly what I needed. Thank you.”
Rocky settles at Grace’s confirmation.
“Good, good, good. Grace sleep now, Rocky watch.”
Rocky shamelessly purrs the entire three hours Grace sleeps.
Grace isn’t a quiet sleeper either, never has been. He makes his own version of purring and cooing, sometimes uttering words and whispers that Rocky can’t really understand. But, being so physically close to a sleeping Grace has been Rocky's favorite pastime thus far. His heartbeat is wonderfully clear and his breathing settles something deep within Rocky’s carapace.
In the many decades that Rocky has been trapped in space, he’s felt grief and loss so powerful he almost gave up hope. He’s experienced fear and the unknown more than any Eridian could imagine.
But, he’s also felt a joy and love so strong, here with Grace, that the years he spent in agony simply feel like a distant nightmare now.
He snuggles up closer to the human he chooses for life and drifts off in a daydream.