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Neither of them got much sleep that night. Buck’s fever seemed to peak at around two, and he was tossing and turning, mumbling nonsense as he shivered violently. After about an hour of that, Buck climbed out of bed and made his way to Eddie’s bathroom, shedding his sweaty clothing as he went. Step, strip, step, strip. He left clothing like a trail of breadcrumbs. Seeing Buck naked was nothing new to him, they’d shared a locker room at the station, and he’d helped him in the shower many times when he had his cast. Besides, he was in the army! But something about him traipsing about the house naked at three am was a bit much for him and the situation had him suddenly wide awake. However, when he caught up to Buck in the bathroom, shivering and pale as he fidgeted with the knobs on his shower, Eddie went from flustered to sympathetic.
“S-so cold,” Buck was flushed like he’d been in the sun all day and his hair was soaked in sweat, but his teeth were chattering and he looked impossibly small for his stature. Crouched beneath the showerhead, he hugged himself tightly, glassy-eyed and trembling.
“Here, I’ve got it,” he nudged Buck out of the way of the spray before turning it on, to avoid blasting him with the initial burst of cold before the water heater kicked it. Once it warmed up, he guided him back under, and Buck sighed happily under the warm water. Eddie left to get him some clean pajamas, and he stayed in the shower until it ran cold, wiggling back into the warmest pair of PJs Eddie could find and returning to bed.
For another hour.
Eddie had just started to fall back asleep at 4 when Buck was back to flinging sweaty clothing on the floor and climbing into the shower. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Eddie joined him, grabbing another change of clothing and turning the water on for him. This time, he was too tired to make sure he stood back from the initial cold, and Buck yelped.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry, see, it’s warm now.” Buck inched back under the spray, and once again remained until it was no longer warm. Eddie was waiting with another towel, which he wrapped him in tightly, and a robe for him to change into. Buck was already shivering when he returned to bed despite Eddie having grabbed him every blanket he could find, including one of Christopher’s baby blankets. This time, Eddie didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around him, drawing him close in the dark. Quickly, the shivering stilled and Buck fell asleep once again.
For another hour.
Eddie didn’t get any sleep this time, and he was wide awake when Buck extricated himself from his grasp and went to perform his stripping routine for a third time. This time, Eddie stopped him before he could reach the bathroom, wrapping him in a blanket and directing him back to the bed.
“I don’t think a hot shower would do you any favors right now, Buck. Your fever has got to be insane.” He hadn’t missed how overwhelmingly hot Buck had felt in his arms, and he reached for the thermometer he’d left on the bedside table, waving it in front of his forehead. Buck was already back asleep at this point, and didn’t stir when the device beeped.
102.8°F
“Oof, it’s really gone up. Time for more Motrin, man.” This time, Eddie opted for the slightly sticky syringe he hadn’t used since Chris was a toddler, giving it a cursory rinse under the tap that didn’t do much. He didn’t think Buck was up for holding a tiny cup and he didn’t want to risk having to do another load of laundry. He already had one load going that was entirely fever-sweat soaked clothing.
It was concerningly difficult to wake Buck this time. He screwed his eyes shut and squirmed away, pushing the syringe away like a baby refusing a spoonful of mashed peas. Eddie was patient, waiting until his eyes were open and he was seated upright before placing the syringe in his mouth. Buck had told him the story of the faint scar just below his Adam’s apple, and Eddie had no desire for it to be reopened. Eddie offered him a sip of the tepid, half-empty Gatorade from his bedside table to wash the taste out of his mouth and then he practically fell back onto the pillows, eyes fluttering shut like a doll. It was too similar to the way he’d lost consciousness in the ambulance after the truck bombing, the shock and pain finally catching up to him. Eddie removed some of the grosser, more sneezed on blankets, setting them in a basket to be washed next and hoping that the loss of a few layers would cool him down a bit, and made himself busy reheating some of the soup Bobby had dropped by the night before.
Eddie had already eaten and the soup had begun to cook when Buck woke. It was apparent by the ring of sweat around his collar and the clarity in his eyes that his fever had broken, or at least decreased to a much more manageable level. Eddie looked up from his bowl to find Buck leaning against the counter, looking a bit more steady than he had earlier.
“Hungry?”
He nodded, and Eddie stood to maneuver him to the couch, wrapping him in a blanket and placing a pillow on his lap. “Sit tight, I’ll get you a bowl and a drink. Gatorade or water?”
“Could I have some tea?” His voice was small and still a bit sleepy.
“Coming right up!” Eddie fixed the tea at the same time as he reheated the soup, and brought both over on the same polka-dotted tray Christopher used when he was sick. Buck took a small spoonful, blew carefully, and took a sip, humming in contentment. He’d scarcely eaten the day before, he had to be starving. And Bobby’s soup always hits the spot, regardless of your appetite level.
“Eddie?” His voice sounded almost shy, but Buck didn’t get shy, especially not with him. Or at least he hadn’t before.
“Yeah, what is it? Need another blanket, more tissues? Is it your head?”
“No, none of that. Motrin has me feeling a bit better.” He coughed into the elbow of his borrowed hoodie. “Just, why are you doing this?”
“Bobby told me too.” It was his go-to answer, but it sounded hollow even to him.
“No, Bobby told you to drive me home. He said nothing about all this,” Buck gestured to the bowl of steaming soup, the mountain of used tissues, the open bag of cough drops. “You could have just dropped me off and let me sleep it off.”
“Like hell I’d do that! This isn’t some little cold, you look like you’ve been-”
“Hit by a truck?” Buck supplied, sniffling. “Not this time. Tell me, when will you be leaving?”
“Leaving? I don’t follow?”
“I know this is temporary. You’re still pissed at me, for good reason, but you are much too good of a person to leave me to drown in my own snot. But I’ll be feeling better in a day or two and once I am, you can go back to ignoring me.”
“That’s not true. Buck, I could never ignore you. I try to pretend like I don’t see you, the way you just knew my coffee order without even asking, the way you instantly connected with Christopher like he was any other kid, I mean he is, but so many people don’t see it. I try to ignore the little whoop you do every time you get to slide down the pole. I try to ignore how dark your birthmark gets whenever you laugh. I try to ignore how you always get food on your shirt, you’re such a messy eater and it should be gross but somehow I find it endearing. And I try to ignore how your snores fucking echo in the bunkroom, because it should be obnoxious and the rest of the team bought earplugs a long time ago but somehow I find myself struggling to sleep without it. I can’t ignore you when you’re stuck in here!” Eddie roughly jabbed the center of his chest and Buck blinked silently. Suddenly, he was aware that now was not the best time for an anguished declaration of love, not when his friend was fuzzy and feverish and dead on his feet.
It was a bit before Buck spoke. “You don’t hate me?”
Eddie chose his next words carefully. “I could never hate you, Buck. I really tried, I tried to put you, to put us behind me. Before the lawsuit, we were something, weren’t we? I didn’t imagine that?”
Buck nodded, slowly. He looked about ready to drift off again, so Eddie decided to get to the point.
“There’s a reason it has taken me this long to forgive you, Buck. You hurt me, you really hurt me, and the only reason you were able to hurt me so badly, much worse than you could Hen or any of the others, is because of how much I love you.”
Buck’s eyes widened a fraction at that, and okay, maybe he wasn’t as out of it as Eddie had thought, at least not anymore.
“Eddie,” his voice was a whisper and Eddie wasn’t sure how he was taking the news so he attempted a rapid backpeddle.
“I’m sorry, that’s a lot to put on you right now. You’re sick and exhausted and you don’t have to say anything to me right now, or ever really. It’s just that having you with Chris and I, it felt like Shannon but different, better. I want you in my life, our life. I don’t know what that means, but I’m willing to find out if you are.”
Buck didn’t respond in words, instead setting his bowl of soup aside and drawing close to Eddie, as close as they’d been in bed. Eddie could see the bits of pale stubble on his jawline and he was just about to close the gap when Buck abruptly pulled back with a frown.
“We really shouldn’t, I’m so gross right now.”
“I don’t give a fuck.” Eddie pulled him close and he tasted salty broth and sticky sweet children’s Motrin. He was warm, still too warm in his hands, and yeah, he was a bit sweaty, maybe in need of yet another shower, but this was all Buck, just another piece of him he got to hold close and breathe in.