Chapter Text
Twas the night before Halloween — you’d think I’d be saying that because it’s Christmas…But unfortunately, you’re a bit early buddy, it’s October, don't get ahead of yourself.
But, you wouldn’t entirely be wrong; our dearest friend, Anzu Kinashi, is the embodiment of jolliness. She lights up any room she enters, and also makes it even more of a mess than it already is.
That being said, the girl isn’t the most practical, as she had left her costume preparations until the last minute…!
Quite literally, the time is 11:59 PM, 1 minute and the clock strikes 12 and the 31st…At least it isn’t 3 am. But still, she’s definitely going to have to stay up until that time, so she might be in grave danger. Though she probably already is due to the amount of fumes she’s inhaling from all the hairspray she’s using on her wig, the hair’s all shiny and stiff.
Although that suffering was mutual; she and Kugie had decided that they wanted to drag their butts out on Hallow’s eve, to indulge in some wonderful trick-or-treating!
Some might say they're a bit too old now, but they say they don’t CARE. It’s free food, wouldn’t you do the same? Besides, Anzu has the biggest sweet tooth known to man, even when she pushes 40, she’ll still be out on the streets: rocking her best fit, stealing sweets from little kids for her own pleasure…A true, Halloween menace.
However, that wasn’t the most menacing thing yet…Kugie was scarier.
She had somehow convinced their entire friend-group to join them on this spectacular evening, even breaking the wills of the williest; the toughest girlfriend around…
Oh, how lovely their friend-group was! A few teenagers that dragged each other off the vile streets of Sonobeno, all becoming co-conspirators, ready to unleash their most wicked, most spookiest plans on their opponents…Maybe.
3 were best friends who went to the same school together, two were girlfriends, and the other…An outcast.
The perfect sextet, joining forces to create what was known as the Sonobeno SCUTTLEBUTT Squad — very creative, I know, just ask Joe Tazuna how that came into place, not me. I’m just the narrator, I don’t even know what scuttlebutt means, apparently it’s a real word.
Typing away, Anzu hummed to herself as she added the final touch-ups to her outfit: an eye-burning yellow wig, the shape like edges of farfalle pasta…The same shade of facepaint lying on her desk, big googley eye glasses just situated beside it.
If you haven’t guessed by now, no she isn’t going as a minion, that’s far too common for her, but instead…She’s going as THE Bart Simpson himself.
Why Bart? You may ask, her answer to that is — Why not?
It’s funny, and she was hysterically laughing the other month over one of those heartbroken Bart profile pictures, so she felt spiritually connected to make it her costume this year.
Besides, if people weren’t going to find it funny, she didn’t care! She was already barely keeping it together as she sharpened up the edges of her wig, almost collapsing onto the ground from the bubbling laughter in her stomach.
Anzu thought she was a genius for this, as she’d definitely stand out amidst a rise of plain costumes, a key factor in obtaining the most candy.
This wasn’t just sheer creativity, this was pure strategy in the making…
Knock knock!
Someone was at her door.
The sound startled her a little, causing her to jump and instinctively check the time — it wasn’t even close to 3AM! It was around half-past 1 by the time she woke up from her auto-pilot. Luckily for her, paranormal activity wasn’t a possibility just yet, but it made her wonder: who was at the door?
Was it Kugie, surprising her with a pre-Halloween sleepover? Probably not, that girl goes to bed at 10PM SHARP, putting her phone on airplane mode, do not disturb, and on top of that, powering it off.
Was it maybe her annoying, half-absent, extremely obnoxious, evil, conniving brother? Now THAT was a possibility, he always seemed to enjoy getting under her skin; tormenting her became one of his hobbies, so it wouldn’t be too out of the ordinary for him to be storming her home this late in the night — the worst thing one could do to their OWN sister.
But, what she saw instead, was the WORST of the WORST…
There was no one there, only the gusts of heavy wind that roared within the darkness, and once she looked down, there was a black letter addressed to her dropped off on her ragged doormat.
Okay, that sounds normal, well maybe not the fact the mailman's walking around this late at night, but oh well…I’m sure they’re getting a hefty ton of extra cash for working overtime this long.
Well, that was what Anzu thought before she opened up the envelope…
“Anzu Kinashi!
Halloween is truly one of the best events on the calendar: you’re able to dress up, spook some other people, and most importantly…Visit the loveliest haunted houses!
As a token of my appreciation, I would like to humbly extend an invitation at 8PM SHARP this Halloween to my wonderful haunted house! I have spent the whole of September perfecting so it is the SCARIEST experience possible!
…Do you think you’re capable of withstanding such horrors? Come see for yourself soon!
Regards,
Midori”
She burst out into a terrified scream, but not for the reasoning you’re thinking.
Sure, haunted houses are scary, but…
“MIDORIIIIIIIII?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”
…He is even scarier.
Hallow’s morning, Anzu is awoken to over 500 messages on the Sonobeno Scuttlebutt Squad group-chat, alongside an ongoing video-call; something that could only be described as a serious conference:
“Hey Anzu!”
Ryoko warmly greeted her — video camera on, gleaming towards the girl, though only for a few moments as her expression turned stern again.
“So…I’m assuming all of us here got that invitation.”
Her voice faded into something more serious too, a crucial topic needing to be discussed between them all.
“Well, if all of us got it…I’m sure Anzu’s isn’t exempt from that.”
Sara nodded along with Hirose’s judgement, while Ranmaru ‘The Outcast’ Kageyama, had a few words of his own to say:
“Well, I’m still not going either way. I’m being forced to go trick-or-treating tonight, and that’s enough. So there’s NO WAY in HELL I am GOING to a HAUNTED HOUSE.”
Really tough, he thought he was saying all of that.
…And the group bore no reaction, almost accustomed to his complaining, and for some, it was the perfect punching-bag opportunity:
“What, are you scared?”
Joe smirked, feeling very proud of himself for teasing Ranmaru like this — Kageyama’s expression visibly CHURNING at his amused words.
“Wha—?! No, OF COURSE NOT! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?!”
“...A scaredy cat? Come on, like sure we might die or something since it’s Midori, but it’s Halloween, we gotta do something scary like that.”
Kugie added bluntly; harbouring no emotions in her monotonous voice, sounding almost condescending amidst Ranmaru’s whining.
“Yeah! It’s Halloween, liven up a little, Maru. We gotta make this the BEST Halloween ever, by spending it together! …In a haunted house, of course! Where else?”
Ryoko added enthusiastically, hoping her melodious intonation would sway Ranmaru in their favour, which obviously didn’t work with his disgruntled expression.
“Are you guys like…Stupid?! Why is everyone so DUMB here?! S-Sara…You’re like smart, knock some sense into these people, we’re going to die!!!!!!”
Sara stared blankly into the screen for a few moments, before erupting into heavy laughter, having to hide her face.
“W–what?! You know, maybe we SHOULD go…If it gets you out of the house for longer! Didn’t you have a curfew for what, 9PM? That’s a little early, and you barely leave the house, either. It’s a little fishy, I can’t lie…”
“ —WEREN’T WE ALL JUST IN AGREEMENT THAT WE’RE NOT GOING?!?!”
“—Uhhh who said that!? I never said anything, I just joiiiined!”
Anzu giggled at their relentless torment of her friend, wanting to join the bandwagon instantly:
“Curfew’s for losers…ESPECIALLY on Halloween! Besides, our town’s too boring, this is the only haunted house we’ve had in YEARS!”
Sure, she might’ve still been haunted by Midori’s name, but who could turn down a haunted house with her friends? Anzu couldn’t.
While trying to fall asleep last night, she was still on the fence about attending, unsure of who else was picked for such a spooky event, but knowing the whole scuttlebutt squad was coming?! Yeah, that’s something she couldn’t turn down.
“Y-yeah but that doesn’t mean I don’t have one…!!”
“ —Okay, but who actually set up that curfew for you? Last time I checked your mom was so chill, she didn’t care when you’d get back when we hung out. It seems like you’re just making excuses to not come, hashtag EXPOSED.”
Ryoko added the finishing blow, even dropping her artist tag at the end to make it even more tough. Joe let out a low whistle hearing Hirose rat him out so easily, there was nothing he could say to defend himself — having dealt with his supposed ‘strict mother’ once before.
“So he’s just a loser, at least we’ve figured that out.”
“ —As if we didn’t know that already! Loooooser!!! Imagine trying to bail out of the BEST hangout EVER!”
Kugie and Joe chimed in, nodding in agreement while Ranmaru was barely able to hold back his tears…Maybe the boy was a little afraid after all, it’s all too scary: haunted houses, and continuous bullying, what a combo.
“Okay—Okay you’ve got me! I–I might be a little scared, god forbid a guy’s scared of Halloween! A SCARY event?! It’s SCARY FOR A REASON!!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU GUYS ACTING LIKE ITS STUPID TO FEEL SCARED??????”
“We’re not! We’re just telling you it’s gonna be okay! There’s no need to be scared, we’re all going to be a-okay!”
Sara tried to comfort the petrified dude, but he seemed to not appreciate it in the slightest.
“WE’RE GOING TO A HAUNTED HOUSE??? HAUNTED???? PEOPLE WILL TRY AND KILL US. WE WILL DIE. I WAS FINE WITH GOING TRICK-OR-TREATING, BUT NOT ANGERING GHOSTS!!!!”
“Psh, you think they’re seriously haunted? It’s just a part of the marketing, Maru, to make it SCARY. We are NOT getting KILLED by real GHOSTS.”
“BUT IT’S MIDORI, RYOKO!!!!!!! HE IS OUT FOR BLOOD!!!!!!!”
“—What even made you scared of Halloween in the first place? Are you a haunted house expert, traumatised by what you’ve experienced?”
Anzu tried to ask politely in her own unique way, interrupting their on-going bickering.
“...Someone once carved my face into a pumpkin and smashed it with a hammer in front of me. They said it was a Halloween tradition, but I think that was just a cover-up for a ritual trying to get rid of me.”
“Oh…Okay.”
6PM, the designated time the group decided on to meet up in the town centre.
It was lit up by warm, strung up lights that were tied up to shriveling trees — the auburn leaves flowing through the wind, landing on whatever surface they could find.
Houses were being swarmed by children, terrorising the district with their HORRIFYING outfits…A creeper, a killer clown with a dull plastic knife, and the worst being…Peely from Fortnite.
Some kept their doors sealed shut, not succumbing to knocks of hungry kids, while others dumped their whole sugary savings into their buckets, anything to make the swarm go away.
Anzu stood in the middle of the plaza, tapping her feet rhythmically to the stone fountain behind her, the water trickling down with unease, the ground rumbling from the storming kids.
Kugie stood beside her, dressed as Vanellope from Wreck-It-Ralph; all made from things she dug out of her closet with some clothes being sacrificed, their fabrics used to create the intricate details: such as the swirly tights.
She was unfazed by Simpson, just simply observing the desperate kids, and feeling rather out-of-place; I mean, these kids weren't even 10 years old, and she was pushing 17 — basically pushing 40 at that point in some interpretations of this text.
“God, these kids are greedy.”
She muttered in horror, seeing how the kids didn’t even hold back; fighting each other to the DEATH to steal each other's funds, using those plastic weapons as spears and batons to snag a snickers bar they felt entitled to.
“Eh, I’m used to this…It usually gets worse past 9, then they start having live battles in front of everyone.”
Anzu shrugged nonchalantly, being a veteran of these so-called ‘battles’, but she couldn’t say she had the honour of winning one…
“ —What?”
…But before her question could be answered, the remaining ‘Scuttlebuttlers’ had made their way towards them.
“Heeeeey!!!”
Joe waved out to them, wearing an inflatable dog costume, he was none other than THE scooby-doo himself. The minute he caught Anzu’s outfit, his jaw dropped in awe — truly enamoured by the genius outfit his twin had chosen.
“Oh my god…You are SO ready to get all of that candy!!!”
“DUUUUUHHHHHH!!!! Look at you, THE scooby-dooooooo!!!!”
The two were like two peas in a pod, the bart to her simpson, the scooby to his doo — two siblings that weren’t related by blood, but related by their humour and spirit.
The four came as a little pack, although they were a tad late — it was 6:15 by the time they arrived, 15 minutes late to the party! …Anzu assumed it must’ve been because of Ranmaru, likely dragging them down with his reluctance…Oh hey, he’s staring right at her right now.
“You’re a mummy…Couldn’t you have picked something a bit more creative?”
Anzu sighed in disappointment, of course he half-assed his outfit; just wrapping some spare bandages around himself and calling it a day.
“Couldn’t you have picked something a bit more…Normal? What the fuck is that?!”
He looked at her with a slightly-gaped mouth, not being able to form a solid opinion on her outfit…Was he star-struck? Or was he traumatised? No one would ever figure that one out.
“It’s me! Bart Simpson! Don’t act like you’re not familiar with the BIG B!”
The pure aura that radiated from Anzu left both Ryoko and Sara in tears, clinging onto each other as they tried to stabilize that amusement that ravaged their bodies.
“Oh my god, Anzu—!! Anzu you look great…!!”
Ryoko could barely exclaim through sniffles and coughs, her eyes fully admiring the costume that had just blessed her eyes. Ranmaru, on the other hand, was still pretty petrified by what he saw:
“I know who that is—!! B-but out of everything you pick someone who looks like a cheese string?! I mean, look at Joe, at—at least he picked a dog…!!! Kugie, how did you even let this slide…?!”
She just put her hands up in the air casually, not being as visceral as Kageyama.
“I’m used to this.”
Was all she responded, barely stifling back a laugh of her own as she took a peak at her girlfriend.
Luckily, just as the cracks of her stoicism were going to show, Sara cleared her throat to add her 2 cents into the conversation.
“I mean…You can’t say much when you conjured up that outfit in 5 minutes, we literally watched you do it.”
Sara had dressed up as a shining, silver knight, using her Kendo sword as her weapon — a substitute to the silver; practical, but something that sent a shiver down Ryoko’s spine, bringing them back to their shared, traumatic Kendo days.
Ranmaru left no comment on Sara's remark.
Hirose decided to be a little basic and dress up as a witch, however she compensated it with decorated it down the brim: lace, intricate flower patterns sewn onto her hat, a shit-ton of glitter poured onto the actual fabric of the dress, using her creativity to the max to rejuvenate the outfit as much as she could.
“Wooooow…You guys are soo pretty!!”
Anzu complimented, a light pink flushing Ryoko’s cheeks as she twirled a bit of her hair on her finger.
“Hehe, thank you, Big B! Thank you for your wisdom.”
She nodded sincerely, while Sara nodded gracefully; the sliver sparkling underneath the gold rays of the plaza. The others giggled, camaraderie filling the air as they concluded their ‘costume-introductions’.
And off they went, ready to face their fears, ready to tackle the challenge of conquering Midori’s most HORRIFYING, HAUNTED house…
“Uhhh…So where’s this house anyway?”
Joe scratched the back of his head as they tried to push through the battalion of children.
“I checked the return address of the envelope, that idiot didn’t even bother putting it in the actual contents of the letter. It’s an hour away from here.”
Kugie added, sighing as they continued their treacherous trek.
“An hour?! Are we sure we’re even going to get there in time, what kind of route are we even taking?”
Anzu frowned, her feet clicking more rapidly off the cobblestone upon hearing Kugie’s statement.
“Highways upon highways…This house is in the middle of nowhere, and in some forest.”
Sara added, disappointment beginning to fill Kinashi’s veins.
“T–there’s no way we can get there safely then…! And in the middle of the woods…?!”
“ —I mean, we’re supposed to be doing some real dangerous stuff here, so surely this should be an easy feat.”
Ranmaru interjected, although it wasn’t aggressive or anything; just simply repeating what they said back at their emergency meeting.
“Yeah, but then if that’s the case…We’ll just get hit by cars left and right, and if we go through the woodland…We might actually just die, there’s probably some serial killer in there.”
Ryoko responded, adjusting her crooked hat, already willing to just throw it at some pest.
“Man…If only we had a car…And the buses are miles away…! Can we even go, then…?”
Anzu pouted, her voice sinking from sadness that began to well up in her chest.
Joe’s expression mirrored hers, although he wasn’t the most keen on seeing his friends in this state:
“I mean…We might not…But hey! Let’s try to make the most of it! Trick-or-treating, here I coooome!!!!!”
He dashed off, already preying on the innocent houses in front of him — ready to take up the entire doorway with his humongous outfit.
The group’s synchronised walking came to unanimous halt, a little dazed by Joe’s sudden run, but alas, they followed him. They could only hope and pray some sort of transport would just miraculously fly their way.
The first house they approached was owned by Shunsuke Hayasaka, a timid neighbour who was most known for being the most normal citizen out of everyone in Sonobeno: he worked a 9-5 office job, kept to himself, and didn’t indulge in the town's insane shenanigans.
But this also meant one thing — on Halloween he would be TERRORISED by the entire ecosystem, becoming the kid’s punching bag as some of their outfits startled him, but it was mostly their horrific personalities.
He was a nice guy, and Anzu respected him very deeply, he was just a regular dude, undeserving of the children’s wrath, so she was going to stay very respectful as she begged him for some sweets, making sure to scold the others if they were to act up…
Knock knock.
The fatigued man opened the door for the 28th time today.
“Trick or treaaaaat!!”
Anzu exclaimed, cheesing as her face was painted the same shade as some good cheddar.
The others surrounded her, peaking their heads out from her sides as they smiled at the man; hoping their gleams would convince him to grace them with some good scavenges…Hoping he’d acknowledge their creativity.
But, to their surprise…
“AGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
…He shut the door on her, petrified by the Bart Simpson impersonator that reflected in his glasses, burning itself into the crevices of his terrified mind, desperately trying to shut them out…Using the door to do that here.
“So…”
Joe scratched the back on his long dog neck. Anzu frowned upon hearing the wretched sound that is screaming polyester against chewed-up fingernails, more affected by that than the fact she just got the door slammed on her.
She turned her head around to see all of their disappointed faces, extremely against this mistreatment of Big B.
“It’s fine, he must’ve just been overwhelmed by your aura. C’mon, let’s get moving.”
Kugie shook her head, not wanting to stall for any longer…Her satiation for some sweets becoming bigger by the minute, seeing all the callous children with their stuffed buckets, she wanted to claw her hands right inside.
But before she could, the kids seemed to approach them first:
“Woof! Is that Bart Simpson?!”
A little Gin was dressed up as a lion, one that bore sharp claws and teeth (well, painted on). His beady eyes lit up upon seeing the familiar caricature, already rushing towards the Simpson.
“Can I get a photo, meow?!”
Anzu chuckled, her entire spirit rejuvenating — well, the spirit of Simpson himself, not bound to the sadness those profile pictures usually held him by.
“Of course you can, you little lion!!!!”
More kids began barging between the Scuttlebuttlers, making their way towards the yellow entity.
“Ohhh, let Kanna be in the photo too!!!”
“—This is SO stupid…GET ME IN THIS!!!!!”
Two pre-teens posed on each one of Anzu’s sides; Kanna was a cute garden fairy, while the pink-haired Hinako decided to match with Kizuchi, although going for a dark fairy — makes you wonder how many hours these girls have spent playing ‘Royale High’, as the three were presumably trick-or-treating together.
Before Gin began to adjust himself on Anzu’s right, he had handed his phone to Sara, one of his most reliable friends, and a master of selfies!
“You don’t mind taking this for me, right Big Sis Sara, woof?!”
Chidouin nodded happily while a few giggles left her lips, her fingers swiftly adjusting the phone’s camera.
“Could you also take it on Snapchat?! I want one of those sad filters on, ‘cause I want it to be as accurate as possible!”
Seems like Anzu wasn’t the only one with the Sad Bart Simpson craze, looks like it’s infected the children too, all making exaggerated, yet somehow sad poses; encapsulating the broken hearts that were above all of their heads as Sara took the shot.
“Do you like it?”
She passed the phone back to him, slightly crouching down to his level.
“Oh HELL YEAH BROTHER!!!!!!!!!! It looks PERFECT, WOOF!”
Kanna and Hinako instantly sandwiched the poor boy in-between them as they wanted a peek of Sara’s meticulous photography.
“Oh…I am SO printing this and framing it on my wall.”
Mishuku declared with pride, already beginning to nag Gin into sending it to her, a few whines coming out of his annoyed mouth — it seems like he finds her a bit pushy.
“Is no one going to take photos with Scooby?!”
Joe tried to involve himself in this photo sesh, pouting all while feigning sadness…He wanted to invoke a few giggles from the kids:
“Ew, no. We see Scooby every year, pick something more creative next time and we’ll consider it, loser.”
Hinako flicked her luscious pink hair to one side before her little crew left the scene, tailing right behind her.
Joe and Scooby’s shoulders slumped in disappointment, sheesh were these kids brutal, it seems like Anzu wasn’t too far off with her rather bold statements earlier.
“Hey, hey…It’s alright, I think your outfit’s great.”
Ryoko tried to console him by patting his shoulders gently, all while Ranmaru couldn’t help but scoff.
“Well…It seems like we’re even now; both having uncreative costumes, how does it feel, Dookie-Doo?”
Hirose shot him a disproving glare, all while Joe just sighed dramatically and patted Ranmaru’s back, an uncomfortable jolt being sent down his spine.
“It feels bad…So bad…sniff…”
“ — Did you seriously just say sniff?”
Kugie’s ears caught their little therapeutic conversation, her head flicking towards their direction.
“Yeah…It added to the sadness, didn’t it? Had to make it as realistic as possible.”
“Er…It made you seem like a fool, actually.”
“Ah, it’s fine! Scooby’s a bit of a fool anyway, that just means I’m in-character! C’mon, these buckets ain’t gonna fill themselves!”
How quickly he was to get over such rejection, it was almost as quick as the countless times Sara’s rejected Ranmaru, ouch!
At least the two boys could bond over something now — maybe not love, or maybe…But, the lack of creativity they held in their lives, the radiant Ryoko standing out with her illustrious costume, her cape flowing in wind as they dashed towards their next home, hoping for a better outcome for the Bart ‘Kinashi’ Simpson.
7:30 by now, and the group had only just got through one third of the plaza.
You might think: ‘oh, well at least they can still get some more candy, the plaza must be huge!’ WROOOOOOOOONG.
You seem to have forgotten the plot already; these children are GREEDY, and more baskets have been emptied, reduced to nothingness, some had even resorted to stuffing them with apples — I don’t think the doctor would keep them away, instead the adults would suffer physically and mentally, likely needing to be admitted to a hospital by the end of the day.
Unfortunately, the Scuttlebutt joint forces couldn’t conquer the children, as they had disposed of most of the sweets, leaving them semi-empty-handed — sure there were a few sugary treats in their buckets, but nothing compared to the greedy trio that insulted the Doo, their containers LOADED with all sorts of sweets. They were filled to the max, many wrappers threatening to spill on the ground, but they were territorial; ready to genuinely murder someone if they were to touch their earnings.
“Aw man…! I hate these large crowds…Half of the time they just push us around like dolls! RAGDOLLS!”
Anzu began to grow frustrated by how horribly this Halloween was going: not being able to go to that haunted house, 30 minutes not being enough for them to get there, the queue at every home that was reminiscent of Black Friday 2016, and of course, the greediness that left them with the lack of sweets.
“I mean, we could maybe go to a less busier district?”
Ryoko suggested, trying to brighten up the sullen mood.
“Nah, they’ve ACTUALLY got a curfew of 9PM, I bet half of them are sleeping though, they’re far too posh to indulge in some fun.”
Sort of ironic coming out of Kageyama’s mouth, but he wasn’t wrong.
Kugie shrugged, eyes still scouring out each home, hoping to even catch a sliver of a sweet.
“I guess we’ve just gotta take our chances here, and hope some kids have manners, or find someone who’s rich in confectionery.”
“Maaan! What the hell am I going to do with 1 mars bar? Eat it? No, of course not! I need two, at least!”
Joe whined as they kept walking through the tight pathway, compact with children and annoyed adults who couldn’t keep them on their leashes, their expressions far more terrifying than most of the costumes that surfaced around.
Click after click, their struggles left them even more candy-less, even the fruit began to be taken out by the trick-or-treaters, though not with the intention of being consumed, but rather, those ‘live’ battles beginning — the fruit being used as defense, or even weapons.
“Oh my god…”
Sara just rubbed her temples, getting a little fatigued by the heaviness of her costume, but not to fear…
BEEP BEEP!
…A car was here?
“Heeey~!”
A familiar voice sang out from an open window, a few kids screaming out in horror as a car literally spawned in from nowhere, now chilling on the cobble…You can’t really park there, buddy.
“Oh my gosh, it’s Maiiii!!!”
An eager Anzu called, waving her hands around as a form of a greeting.
The woman sat behind where window was supposed to be, one of her hands resting on the car door — She had dressed up as Betty Boop this Halloween: curling her crimson hair and complimenting it with some velvet red attire, exaggerating her makeup so it looked as cartoony as possible — a perfect outfit for someone as bold and flirtatious as her.
“What’re you doing here?”
Ryoko cocked her head to the side in piqued curiosity, taking a good look at Tsurugi’s outfit before noticing the man in the driver’s seat:
“Oh, would you look at that! It’s your brother, Anzu.”
Though, Anzu’s expression turned a little sour upon seeing the lack of a costume, eyebrows furrowing in pure disgust.
“...And who are you supposed to be?”
“...Myself, obviously.”
Kurumada scoffed at her response, rolling his eyes at her as his fingers tapped off the steering wheel.
“Well, you’re not on John Cena’s level, so I don’t think you can pass as a costume just yet. You’re…Pretty irrelevant in the boxing industry, dude.”
“ —I’ll make sure they can’t see you like John Cena if you say shit like that again.”
And back they were to bickering, the default setting for the both of them.
Mai just sighed at their antics, before fixing up her smile and greeting the rest of the teens.
“My! You guys just look so wonderful tonight, very creative I have to admit! Well, I’ll get straight to the point so we don’t take up most of your trick-or-treating time.”
She cleared her throat, her expression growing heavily sympathetic for some odd reason.
“You know…I’ve just come here to say…Your brother loves you very much, Anzu.”
She put her hand up to her chest, and a collective ‘eh?!’ came out of both the sibling’s mouths.
“—He doesn’t say it enough, even when I tell him to! So he's made it his biggest mission today to wish you a Happy Halloween!!”
“Mai WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT—?!?!”
“—Isn’t that just so adorable?!”
She closed her eyes, hugging herself in awe.
“Awww, that’s cute. It's about time I tell my brother that too, instead of just embezzling his funds onto my account…”
Kugie muttered under her breath, causing Sara to look a little disturbed by what that meant — seems like she might be the reason Shin Tsukimi is so STINKINGLY POOR.
“—What’d you say?”
“—Huh? I didn’t say anything.”
Stage 1 of the grievance of Shin’s dearest funds: denial of theft.
“Oh…! Um, I love him too…I GUESS…”
Back to Anzu, she rolled her eyes, the beef still holding her back from saying it wholeheartedly; but also holding her back from beating his ass.
“—Good! He’s happy to hear that—”
“—NO THE FUCK I’M NOT???!—“
“—You know, he’s very proud of your costume today. We saw a little snippet of it while on our way here, he laughed when he saw Bart—“
“—I DIDN’T DO NONE OF THAT SHIT BRO!!!!! STOP DEFAMIN’ ME MAI—OWW!!!!—“
“—Do NOT bro me.”
She turned her head around to scold him, lightly whacking him before returning to a solemn stance.
“...Anyway, he’s just here to tell you that he loves you since he’s not sure if he’s making it home safe tonight. Don’t mind him guys, he can get a little dramatic at times, such is the way with people who are named Naomichi, it’s a fact I’ve proved many times, they call me Mai-nstein for a reason.”
For the record, no one has ever called her that, just in case you weren’t aware.
“…Uhhh…What the hell did you mean by ‘not making it home safe’?!”
Ranmaru raised his eyebrow in concern, and Mai smiled, disturbingly enough.
“Well, we both got an invitation to some haunted house Midori made, and knowing him, we might as well be in grave danger…Get it?”
…And the crowd stayed silent.
“Wait, haunted house—?!”
Anzu tried to add, although she got cut off by Mai, seems like she enjoyed cutting BOTH the siblings off.
“—But not to fear! I’ll protect him…Maybe, if he doesn’t bro me again that is, or else he’s getting fed to the dogs…Well to Midori, he’s a stupid hound anyway.”
“No need for that, I’ll be on my best behaviour. And even so, I’d fuckin’ devour Midori first.”
Not sure in which sense, hopefully being a metaphor for killing him, Anzu just nodded along to this peculiar tangent.
“Sure…! Anyway, you s-said you’re going to Midori’s haunted house, right?!”
“—Uh-huh! That’s why I came here to bring you such lovely news.”
The group looked at each other in harmony, one-by-one staring intently into each other's eyes…Well, Kugie was off-bounds, so Anzu shot a glare at them if they stared for too long.
They all had one last idea in mind, one final hope to make this Halloween a bit more SPOOKY: the screaming kids who screeched at the random car on the pathway wasn’t enough, they needed something scarier, something more mysterious, something more dangerous…
“We all got invitations to the haunted house too!! And uh…”
And all of them fell to their knees; putting their hands up into the air like some sort of mediocre middle-school performance you’d see last period on a Friday — half-asleep, basically on something, just wanting to get the hell out.
Or was this maybe some sort of ritual to swing open all the car’s doors? Who knows, maybe we should ask Ranmaru about that...
“Oh please, oh please dearest Mai…! Our bestest friend…! Let us come with you! Let us protect Kurumada too—! …UHHH WHAT THE HELL GUYS?! I’M NOT SAYING THAT!”
And the summoning ritual wasn’t even that good either, one or two people going off-script, one being too nonchalant the other one just being Anzu, there was no day in her life where she’d WILLINGLY glaze her brother…She would rather be fed to those dogs first, she’d probably taste like some bubblegum…Mixed with Bart; Bubblebart.
Yeah, back to that performance…You know how I mentioned that a 5-dollar-budget drama performance would make you go off your rocker, would send you possibly to a mental institution? Well I didn’t dramaticise it that much, but I know that’s how you feel either way; Naomichi was already frantically trying to start the car back up again, not wanting to be driven insane, all while Mai just chuckled at their antics.
“Aww, of course you guys can! The more, the merrier~!”
To their surprise, Naomichi didn’t even let out the tiniest peep of protest…WOW! He was truly on his best behaviour here.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Buckle up brats, and y’all better fuckin’ hurry up too, we got a wild Sasahara on our tail.”
…Or was he on his best behaviour? Seems like he’s about to get his driver's license revoked.
Oh no, no WAY the Convertible of Destruction himself would let his own convertible taken away from him THIS easily, not a chance.
“HEY KIDS, STOP GETTING INTO THAT CAR!!! STOP RIGHT THERE!!”
“Oh wow! Her costume looks so realistic.”
Joe pointed at Megumi, standing as still as a pebble – all while Megumi was beginning to march angrily towards their way.
“Joe, that’s not a costume…That’s…That’s Captain S–Sa–Sa—hara!!”
Sara could barely stammer out before body-slamming herself and Tazuna into the car, rumbling from the sheer horror that emitted by calling out that putrid name.
Megumi Sasahara…High-ranking police officer, someone who patrols the streets day-and-night, making sure they’re safe to traverse on…A serious woman, a VERY serious woman.
She was like the Grinch of Halloween; never dressing up, always in that plain blue officer outfit — her door sealed shut, not even leaving a bowl out for kids to grab some sweets from while she was on duty — and most of all…She HATED patrolling on Halloween, always being one to break up those battles, having to keep everyone in line…It was always the WORST night of her year, and she always gave everyone else a bad time about it.
…And now? Megumi was SUUUURE to unleash that wrath on Kurumada, afterwards slowly letting that poison seep throughout the entire group, letting them feel the pure RAGE she feels on this Hallow’s Eve, about to get a hell of a lot worse with the addition of a random car this year.
Sure she was starting to get accustomed with those battles they did, but a car that terrorised the city? Now that was a new costume…One she wanted to dispose of immediately.
So, what was Kurumada going to do: surrender like a good samaritan, and let them take away his driving privileges, allowing himself to succumb to Megumi’s torment…? Or maybe he’d apologise profusely, trying to bribe her with some nice words to reduce his sentence to a simple fine, maybe Mai could do the talking, too?
He made up his mind rather quickly, and he decided…
…To do none of that, who do you think he is?
He instead, narrowed his eyes, staring right at the road ahead of them.
“It’s a thirty minute drive, we gonna make it in five…You guys ready to go?”
The group nodded in unison, making themselves as comfortable as possible, even with just a three seater: Ranmaru chilled on the ground just below Ryoko, Joe resorting to doing the same — they were basically in time-out, while the girls sat happily on the seats, Anzu laying on top of the three, her Simpson spikes getting slightly squished as they pressed up against the car door.
“Alright, ‘cause we gotta GO.”
So, what did he truly decide to do in the end?
…He decided to add a few more charges to his name; that being speeding!
By how much, you may ask? Well…The maximum speeding limit is 75 in Japan, and he added…around 225 miles to that!
100 would’ve been a bit too boring, only adding 15 to that, 200 just didn’t sound right, so 300 hit the sweet spot! It was the 31st of October after all! You know, 3…?
No…He actually just did it because he’s just cool like that.
“HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Anzu screamed at the top of her lungs, rolling around like a distressed barrel you’d see on a sinking pirate ship. The three girls tried to pin her down, all while holding onto each other, holding onto dear life in this speeding car.
“AHHHHHHH!!!! HOW QUICKLY ARE WE EVEN GOING!?!?!”
Ryoko could barely shout, for their car was going faster than the speed of light.
“THREE FUCKING HUNDRED?!?!?!?!?!”
Kugie exclaimed in astonishment, her eyes ready to pop out of their sockets as Kurumada traveled along a random busy highway, swiftly dodging all the cars in his way somehow.
“WHAT IS THIS, FORMULA ONE?!?!”
Ranmaru shouted as he was flung across the other side of the car, Joe getting the same treatment; flying around like two synchronised dolphins doing a performance by jumping out of the water.
“WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!”
Anzu cried out, her weeping sounding like that sea mammal, some might say she was trying to mimic her idol; Flight reacts. Once you hear that laugh, it never leaves your mind…
The kids were barely keeping it together, barely being able to take proper breaths, the horror of Kurumada’s reckless driving seeping deep into all of their souls…But also because Joe’s inflated Scooby was taking up half of the breathing space, causing them to suffocate.
“The weather’s pretty nice today, hm? Clear skies…Clear mind…”
While they were suffering, Mai was laying back in her seat, making some small talk with Naomichi. She seemed to be used to this speed, almost enjoying it as she waved her legs around casually.
“...You know, I actually regret calling you dramatic back there, not because you’re not, but…These kids are…a little too much…This drive is pretty therapeutic, actually.”
He just shrugged, being able to multi-task while steering the wheel perfectly.
“Eh, they’ll be fine, it’ll give them character development. And yeah, the weather’s alright. You know, I’ve been thinkin’...”
He then gets cut off by the anguished cries of his passengers, but he pays no further attention to it, this is how lore is created.
“Do you think couples eat free on Halloween? Like y’know, those all-you-can-eat buffets…”
“What, you hungry? Should’ve eaten before you left the house. And besides, I bet if they do, they’d want both people to dress up.”
“—YEAH AND YOU DON’T FIT THAT YOU IRRELEVANT—!!!”
Anzu tried to interject before she toppled down to the ground, a thud shaking the car, karma for trying to budge into conversations that didn’t involve her.
Mai jumped a little from the impact, while Kurumada just huffed in satisfaction, truly the best brother ever.
“Nah, I don’t think they’d care that much if they saw your outfit. Even if that was the case, sure you could slap somethin’ on me.”
“Maybe…Dressing you up sounds fun, aww I’m already imagining it…”
Tempting, but Mai quickly shook her head, approaching sirens piercing through the screams of Scuttlebutters.
“...But we have to focus on this haunted house, we’re going because you wanted to ‘kick some ass’, so we’re going to kick some.”
“Yeah but I mean like after..We ain’t been out for some good dinner in ages, I gotta treat ya to somethin’.”
“—And that’s because you spend half of your income on car repairs.”
Well, that shut him up pretty easily.
“...God forbid we got places to be, I guess. And I ain’t lettin’ you pay either, that’d be a new low for me.”
Wow, he’s actually quite a decent dude…If we ignore the fact he’s currently being chased by the police force for child endangerment.
“I’m surprised the car’s survived so many grocery shop trips…”
Then the wheels came to a screeching halt, screams beginning to subdue as Kurumada declared:
“And look, we’ve just survived another fun road trip, we’re here.”
“OH MY GOD WE’VE MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Ryoko shouted out in relief, finally being able to take a hefty breath, putting her hands up to the air, breaking free the chain of hands that held onto each other — they were out of prison…For now, maybe the same couldn’t be said about a certain individual here.
The door sprung open in an instant, as if the pearly white gates of heaven just opened wide for them…Only to show what looked like HELL; aka Midori’s house.
Panting, they didn’t care what fashion they left the car in: of course some got out normal, while others…Aimed for the ground, Anzu obviously exiting with a barrel roll,
collapsing to feel some sort of stability for once.
The group readjusted themselves, each and every single person looking like a hot mess: some had red eyes from all the tears they shed, others looked like wet dogs, while the two in the front were unscathed.
“R-remind me to order a taxi the minute we get out…”
Sara barely gasped out, the metal had been suffocating her the entire time, basically on the verge of death, perfect for such an event like this. At least it was horrifying in a way, even if they didn’t even enter the stupid house yet.
“Yeah…Yeah I don’t think I can do that again.”
Kugie cooed, visibly trembling from such a HORRIFYING experience.
“Man…Do I even have the strength to go to this thing anymore…?”
Ranmaru looked like a beat-up doormat; bandages unwrapped, tears in his eyes as he patted down his frizzy hair, ready for some big, bulgy bruises to pop out of his skull anytime now.
Joe slowly approached the startled boy, patting his shoulder which almost caused him to burst into a million pieces.
“Hey…We gotta keep going, dude…If we were able to survive Kurumada’s insane driving…I’m sure we can survive whatever the hell is inside…”
The two performers, the two who went flying across both sides of the vehicle, tried to hold onto the seats until Naomichi made a sharp turn; causing them to lose grip and be sent through hell and back around 12 times continuously.
Anzu patted herself down, the spirit of Simpson still prevailing.
“Oh…At least w–we’re here…!
Sure, she might’ve been a little traumatised by her brother’s horrendous driving, and by how Mai was extremely complicit in this, but what could she truly expect from such a guy like him? Safe driving? Think you’ve got the wrong guy if you believe that.
“STOP RIGHT THERE!”
…But were they the only people here?
“Fuck.”
Naomichi spat out as he caught the sight of the Grinch herself.
“YOU! You think you can outrun…Well out-drive here…The law?!”
“Yeah…Maybe I thought I could, actually.”
Megumi stormed up to him, still keeping a little distance between them, just in case things got REAL physical.
“We were on a tight schedule, Officer Sasahara! We had places to be!”
Mai tried to argue, putting on her sweetest tone all while flaunting her outfit.
“You guys apparently ALWAYS have somewhere to be, but 300 is a new low, Mr Kurumada, I’d suggest you put your hands behind your back.”
“W—WHAT?! NO…NO YOU ARE NOT ARRESTING MY BROTHER!!!”
Anzu dashed in between them, Megumi’s expression instantly shifting to confusion.
“...And what the hell are you even supposed to be?”
“Bart Simpson, obviously! Surely you can’t be THAT uncultured…”
Sasahara was about to bark back before Ryoko joined in on the protest:
“Yeah…! Don’t arrest Kurumada! He might’ve been fast…But he didn’t hit anything or anyone! A simple ticket should be sufficient enough for him to learn his lesson!”
Ranmaru just crossed his arms.
“You can take him if you want, I don’t care.”
Ooof, seems like someone’s petty.
“ —A simple ticket? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
The officer rolled her eyes, genuinely flabbergasted by Ryoko’s suggestion, it was like she took personal offence to it.
“Maybe if it was 100 I would’ve let it slide, but he’s tripled that, Miss Hirose…Also, you guys look HORRIBLE.”
“H–hey! What’s that supposed to mean—?!”
Kugie also took personal offence to that.
“—I don’t mean the outfits, I mean the fact you guys look like you’ve just went through a torture chamber. Also six kids in the back of the vehicle?! Are you truly this reckless, Mr Kurumada?”
Whilst the kids were trying to vouch for their #1 taxi driver; Kurumada’s frustration began to simmer…Curse Megumi for being such a stuck-up for the law! Curse her for chasing him out into the middle of nowhere! Curse her for trying to arrest him!
At this point, just curse her for all his problems! Curse her for making him spend his money on car repairs, curse her for his bolognese he ate earlier tasting off, curse her for him getting bullied for having a red backpack as a kid, curse her for that one time he cried over a cute cat video Mai showed him…Hashtag BLACKMAIL!
“You know…Maybe instead of focusin’ on my speedin’ and whatever other fuckin’ charges you wanna put on me, you should look at this weird-ass home in front of us?!”
He pointed at the dingy mansion; a three-story, antique-looking home: no lights were turned on, the exterior was painted a pure black, and it wasn’t in the best condition…Roof hinges looked like they were about to come off, windows were broken, the aura around it was sharp and stank of burning souls…No life was present at the building, well from what they could see, and the trees beside it were stripped of their leaves.
In summary, this haunted house was dead — both physically and metaphorically.
“This shit is owned by Midori! Who knows what he’s hidden inside?! We got invited, and we were simply runnin’ late as Mai said, so we’ve come to investigate! Surely this is a concern for the police when a house is lookin’ like this, and is owned by that idiot?!”
A flicker of recognition crossed Megumi’s eyes, but she stayed firm for now.
“So…You decided to take 6 random teenagers with you?”
“—They’re not strangers! That’s Naomichi’s sister and her friends. We invited them in.”
Mai continued her preaching, putting her hands on her chest to emphasise her words; almost pleading to pleaaase pleaaase don’t take him away…So sad.
“—Yeah!! That’s my brother! A—and we got invited to this house too, look!”
Anzu came to the rescue, backing up Tsurugi and presenting some physical evidence, handing it to Sasahara.
Her eyes carefully inspected the letter, a hint of surprise hitting her as she looked up with wide irises.
“Oh wow…I—Uh…Got an invitation to this thing, too.”
“Eh?!”
Ranmaru gasped out while Joe forced his jaw shut.
“I got it last night, but tossed it because I thought it was just Midori playing some stupid prank again…I mean there wasn’t an address on it, either. Never did I think this actually exists.”
She was a little amazed by what she saw in front of her; so the prophecy was true after all, and she was humbly invited to this event as well.
“Oh really…?! That’s—That’s wonderful! It’s a Halloween miracle…!”
“…What is she talking about? Isn’t it a Christmas miracle?”
Kugie tried to make sense of Mai’s relieved voice.
“You think I know? Just go with the flow, I think she’s working her magic here.”
Sara whispered back, a blank expression on her face.
“…You know, m—maybe instead of detaining one of our lovely guests, we should join forces…! We would like to help you with your investigation—”
“—Hey, I never said I would investigate—“
“—But think about it; it’s a new setting! No need to patrol those candy battles, but you’re still on duty…And there’s a chance we can arrest Midori for his crimes against humanity!! That seems like a fair deal, right?!”
Megumi crossed her arms in contemplation whilst Mai tried to nudge Kurumada like 20 times, pushing him to say something, but he was too shy, clearly.
“A—and since we’re all willing to help you with your job here, I’m sure that’s enough to atone for such speeding crimes! Pleaaaase Megumi, you know how you’re like the BEST police officer…And the kindest and most sweetest…?”
“—Okay, now THAT’s a stretch…”
Kurumada mumbled while tapping her shoulder.
Megumi just sighed, shaking her head softly:
“Fine, fine. I’ll give you a pardon, because it did say this starts in 5 minutes, and we got there in time. But…I may need to investigate that vehicle after, no normal car goes up to grand speeds like those.”
“Yeah, yeah that seems more fair…!”
Ryoko nodded eagerly, a little smile on her face.
“Hey, and who are you to say what’s fair and what’s not?! I am NOT lettin’ her search my car!”
“I’m…Ryoko Hirose, I guess?”
As if that’s supposed to be a name that they’re supposed to fear.
Mai just nudged him again, an ‘ow’ coming out of his mouth, mind you, it was a light tap. There’s something wrong with this guy.
“Yeah, the esteemed Ryoko Hirose is right! That’s a much better sentence…! No worries, you can search the car after, we have nothing to hide anyway.”
“Thank you, Miss Tsurugi…God, I’m genuinely holding back the urge of cuffing this guy up…I mean, these dirty looks aren’t going to get you anywhere, buddy.”
He was gritting his teeth like an enraged chihuahua, little growling sounds also coming out his mouth. The Scuttlebutters just kind of stared at him with concern.
“Don’t mind him, this is normal! He doesn’t bite! …I think.”
Anzu tried to reassure the group before Megumi continued her tangent:
“…But, ultimately searching a haunted house sounds more fun, and Miss Tsurugi can just keep this guy in line or something, I should be safe and sound. Daily affirmations from Megumi Sasahara.”
She waved her hand towards the children, gesturing for them to follow her.
“Well, you guys wanted to explore, so let’s not waste anymore time; no point in us running late when we’re already here.”
Her shoes stomped across the muddy path that led to the manor; it was unkempt and disgusting, like sludge that almost got into her big boots. The children followed after, squealing as their footsteps squelched against the brown mud, spilling like some sort of cursed chocolate fountain from every corner…Man was this scary already.
“Well…That was actually really easy! I thought we’d have to fight Miss Sasahara to the death or something!”
Anzu added optimistically, trying to ignore the thick mire that stained her Simpson shoes.
“Well…I don’t think we should let go of the possibility of a fight just yet. Who knows what Midori has in store for us? Maybe he's going to 8v1 us, since he thinks he’s tough like that.”
Kugie responded.
“That could happen…But we’re gonna beat his ass either way! C’mon, let’s at least have some kinda fun while we’re here!”
So they locked arms, and skipped away into the distance…Of the haunted house obviously, ready to tackle the horrors that may be inside of Midori’s humble un-humble abode…The most romantic, most SPOOKY date ever…