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First kisses were not to be taken lightly.
A first kiss was an important moment—possibly the most important moment in a relationship, Lee thought. Of course, the very first kiss ever—not just the first kiss shared at the start of a relationship, but the very very very first kiss before any other kiss...
Well, that was even more important.
Lee hoped he'd only ever have one first kiss.
If it were anyone else, it might have been an unrealistic expectation. But Lee was a devote romantic. He did not believe in giving his heart to another lightly. Perhaps in his younger years—before Sakura—he might have done, but after her he had learned.
It had taken time, it had taken rejection and heartache, but eventually Lee had learned that love was not so easy. Love was not all flowery declarations and promises to die protecting that precious person. Love was learning and growing and living. Love was making mistakes. Love was learning from those mistakes. And above all, love was not only a feeling; it was actions and choices. It was choosing to love, no matter the odds.
Of course, finally accepting that he and Sakura were not meant to be had been difficult. Some part of him had always known, deep down, that they were not right for one another. He'd promised her great things before he'd really known her, when he'd been too young to understand what it all really meant. After years of trying, he eventually had to admit that the person he'd loved was not Sakura, but the idea of her.
Once he'd accepted that, he'd been able to accept moving on.
But he did not find a new love, a real love, as he had hoped he would.
It seemed impossible. There were so many people in the world, how could he find the one meant just for him? How could he find that one person he wanted to kiss for the first time and every time after that? Was there such a person out there for someone like him?
Tenten tried to encourage him, promising him that love would find him when he least expected it.
Neji simply told him that he was being ridiculous, but then Neji was not a romantic. Sometimes Lee worried for Tenten given Neji's tendencies towards such plain expressions of his devotion and love. Yet somehow, they worked. They were different, but they seemed so right together.
Lee wanted that.
He wanted to press his lips to someone else's and just know.
Of course, since he'd never kissed anyone before he didn't know how he would know from just a kiss. What did it feel like? What was he supposed to do during a kiss? Was he supposed to ask first? Or would that take away the romance? What if he liked the kiss, but his partner did not? Did that mean they were doomed?
There were so many questions, so many things to know about love that Lee simply didn't know because he hadn't experienced it.
And then one day he gave up.
Twenty-seven years old and he'd never so much as kissed someone. Clearly he was not meant for romance, clearly love had passed him by.
Clearly, Lee would never know, deep in his gut, that this person—this one person in all the world was meant for him.
***
It wasn't easy being the official body guard and escort of a young woman destined—doomed, Lee secretly thought—to be married to a man she'd never even met.
Everything about this mission was antithetical to Lee's nature. Love should not be forced, love should not be a contract! It was horrible that this poor woman was being treated like property, passed from her father's hands to her new husband's dressed in her bridal silks like wrapping paper. He hated it.
But he had a mission.
Her soon-to-be husband was an important political figure in the Kaze Daimyo's court, which meant it would be a long journey from one capitol to another. Suki's father had impressed upon Lee the importance of the marriage, stressing that it would bring Fire and Wind closer, help to heal any old rifts and past betrayals.
Suki, however, felt very differently about the matter.
She hadn't said anything, but Lee could tell. She was somber as they began their journey, and as the days passed she grew more and more withdrawn.
“I am sure your new husband is a good man,” Lee tried to sooth many times. The words always sounded false to his own ears.
After a week of slowly traveling through Fire and across River, they made it to Wind. The desert was harsh and unforgiving, forcing them off course several times until finally they had to seek out sanctuary from the ever worsening heat. Lee did not mind the heat so much; he had been to Wind Country on a number of occasions, but Suki and her entourage were not accustomed to it.
Indeed, if they had not gone to Suna, Suki might have died.
The hospital staff in Suna were incredibly helpful, but they did not have good news. Suki was too ill to continue the journey, and it seemed that it wasn't just the heat that had caused this.
Lee sighed, sitting outside of her hospital room, watching from the corner of his eyes as one of her handmaidens helped her to drink some water. He would need to contact her future husband and father as soon as possible.
He rose, signaling to one of the body guards who'd come from the capitol for the journey. “I will return shortly. I must write to inform her father and Akio-dono of her condition. Please let me know if anything changes at once.”
The man nodded and Lee departed, making his way from the hospital to the aviary.
He wrote the same letter twice over and sent it along quickly. He felt sad for Suki. Her condition had to have been caused by her upcoming marriage. What else could it be?
Lee watched the messenger birds as they flew away, becoming smaller and smaller as they flew farther from him. He sighed.
“What's wrong?” Gaara's familiar monotone surprised Lee and he whirled around.
“Kazekage-sama!”
“Gaara,” he corrected with a roll of his eyes.
"Forgive me,” Lee said with a laugh. “Gaara.”
The Kazekage might have smiled, Lee couldn't be sure. “I just heard that you were in the village. Is everything all right?”
“No,” Lee said heavily. “No, it is not. I was meant to escort a young woman to the capitol of Wind, but she has taken ill. It is most unfortunate, but I can hardly blame her! She is being forced to marry—oh, but I should not be telling you this!” Lee clapped a hand over his mouth, belatedly realizing his faux-pas.
Gaara let out a soft sound that might have been a chuckle. “I am sure no one will hold this against you. Besides, I am aware of the nature of your mission. The Kaze Daimyo has already requested Suna shinobi for the upcoming ceremony.”
“He has?”
"Yes. The marriage is between his son and the Hi Daimyo's daughter. He is naturally a bit wary.”
“Oh.” Lee did not like this business of arranged marriages. If you asked him—which no one did—politics had no place in matters of the heart.
Gaara regarded him thoughtfully for a long moment. “You seem unhappy.”
“Of course I am unhappy! To see a young woman being forced into marriage! Why that is just—it is horrible! A truly dishonorable way to treat one's daughter!” Again, Lee clapped a hand over his mouth. “I really should not have said that.”
This time, Gaara definitely chuckled. “You don't have to put on airs with me.”
“But—you are the Kazekage. I cannot just—just say such things in front of you!”
Gaara's smile faltered. “Why not?”
“It is unprofessional,” Lee said slowly. “And surely it puts you in an uncomfortable position.”
“My position is often uncomfortable, but I am not so delicate that I cannot handle a bit of discomfort.”
“I did not mean to imply—I simply meant—please forgive me, Kazekage-sama!” Lee bowed, his face so hot he was sure he could have boiled an egg on it.
Gaara sighed. “Am I going to have to spend your entire stay here reminding you to be less formal with me?”
Lee smiled sheepishly, straightening. “Probably.”
Gaara graced him with a small smile before turning away. “Of course,” he murmured. “I have some work to do, but I can put it off a bit longer. Would you like to get something to eat?”
“Are you sure? I do not want to inconvenience—” The glare Gaara shot at Lee shut him up instantly. “I mean, of course! I would love to go to lunch with you.”
***
While he was unhappy with his mission, Lee could not deny that he was glad for the excuse to visit Suna. It had been a while since he'd seen the Kazekage, his siblings, or Shikamaru. Shikamaru and Temari usually spent half of the year in Suna and the other half in Konoha, so that neither ever truly missed home or was forced to sacrifice their duty to their village for the other. The arrangement had worked out well up until recently when Temari had announced her pregnancy. Since the start of her maternity leave, Shikamaru had refused to leave her side, choosing to stay within Suna until after the baby was born. The nine months were almost up now and very soon they would be welcoming their new baby into the world.
The Kazekage's home, which he shared with his siblings and Shikamaru, was a little more chaotic than Lee last remembered it. There were baby things scattered about the house and the cabinets had all been fitted with baby-proof locks.
“I see Temari-san and Shikamaru-kun are prepared for the new baby,” Lee said as he followed Gaara into the kitchen where lunch was already waiting for them.
“I do not know if anyone is truly prepared,” Gaara said. “Temari seems to be taking things in stride, but Shikamaru is unlike himself. Even Kankurou has been acting strange.”
Lee smiled. “A new baby is very exciting, but I suppose there is a lot to be worried about too.”
Gaara hummed his agreement as he sat down. “It is strange to think that I am going to be an uncle soon,” he admitted.
“Are you excited?” Lee asked.
Gaara paused. “I...suppose so.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I—” Gaara stopped. It was unlike him to be so lost for words.
“Are you nervous?” Lee asked in surprise.
After another moment of silence, Gaara finally nodded. “Yes,” he said quietly, looking away from Lee. “I am nervous—afraid. I am not good with children and babies do not usually like me. And now there is to be one in my home. What if—what if I am not a good uncle?”
Lee smiled, reaching across the table to pat his friend's shoulder, fingers linger for a brief moment before he pulled away. “Do not worry, Kazekage-sama. You will be an amazing uncle. I am sure of it.”
“How can you possibly be sure of that?”
“Because you are so worried,” he said. “You care enough about this baby to worry whether or not it will like you, so I am sure it will! How could it not like you? You are a good man and a strong shinobi. You care for your people and your family so much. There is absolutely no reason for this baby not to like you.”
Gaara pressed his mouth into a thin line. “You speak with the rational of an adult, Lee, not that of a baby. As far as this baby is concerned, I may seem a monster—”
Lee slammed his fist on the table so suddenly it surprised even him. “You are not a monster!”
Gaara stared in wide-eyed shock at Lee. “I did not mean that I am,” he clarified. “I simply meant that, to this baby, I may seem as such. Children and animals are sensitive to my chakra, and since they don't understand it I frighten them.”
Lee calmed a fraction, but he still felt that surge of righteous fury that the Kazekage might think so poorly of himself. “Well, you are not a monster and, since this child will be your family, I am sure it will know better.”
Gaara snorted. “You are very strange, Rock Lee.”
Lee beamed, used to this round about compliment that the Kazekage so often graced him with. Gaara liked Lee's strangeness; it set Lee apart from others, made him kind and bold and brave. Gaara said Lee's strangeness was a strength, not a weakness and that Lee should never let anyone make him feel bad for who he was. It had been an unexpected compliment the first time, but now Lee was so used to hearing it he could almost predict when Gaara would say it. Sometimes he thought Gaara said it just to please him.
“I am glad you think so, Kazekage-sama.”
Gaara sighed, a great put-upon sigh, but he smiled nonetheless as he said, “Gaara. My name is Gaara.”
Lee blushed, smiling in kind. “Gaara,” he said quietly and began to eat.
***
There had been no improvements in Suki's health and so, a week later, Lee was still in Suna. The Kazekage had been kind enough to offer Lee room in his home—this always happened whenever Lee was in town, so it came as no surprise to him—and so until his mission could continue Lee had plenty of time to catch up with Kankurou (who was beside himself with excitement and downright glee at the prospect of becoming an uncle so soon), Shikamaru (who was so panicked his usual carefree attitude was nowhere to be seen and instead replaced by a frantic energy that kept him at Temari's side at all times), and Temari (who seemed to be the same as always, only her belly was larger and she complained a lot about her back hurting, not that Lee blamed her for this. He could not imagine carrying around a new, growing life inside of himself! What Temari was doing was truly beautiful and Lee held her in high regard.)
It was strange to see the Kazekage's home in such a state, but it was nice. It felt warm and alive, and Lee would miss it when he had to leave.
It was so much nicer living there than living in his lonely little apartment. He rather wished he had a family like the Kazekage's, or maybe that he could be a part of the Kazekage's family. That was a silly notion though. He couldn't be a part of the Kazekage's family. He was just a guest, a friend visiting. That was all.
The kitchen was crowded when he returned from another visit to the hospital. It seemed everyone had made it home in time for a family lunch. Lee was on the verge of sneaking out, not wanting to intrude, when Temari spotted him.
“Oh, good, you made it in time for lunch,” she said, as though Lee always joined them for lunch, which of course he did when he was visiting.
He smiled, entering the kitchen, feeling just a little bit sheepish for no reason that he could explain. “Are you sure you do not mind? I do not want to interrupt a family meal.”
Kankurou scoffed, kicking a chair out for Lee. “Sit down, Bowl Cut.”
“Don't be ridiculous,” Temari added, rolling her eyes at Kankurou. “You're as good as part of the family.”
Lee felt his face go instantly warm. “Thank you. That is very kind of you to say.”
“Well, you're always here when you visit,” Shikamaru pointed out.
“I hope it is not an imposition,” Lee said quickly.
“No,” Gaara said flatly, as though if anyone tried to suggest otherwise they would regret it.
“Nah,” Kankurou agreed. “We like havin' ya around. Makes Gaara happy, doesn't it? And if it makes him happy, it makes me happy.”
Lee was beside himself with joy and he smiled at the Kazekage, but Gaara wasn't looking at him. He was looking resolutely down at his plate, a faint blush tinting his otherwise pale cheeks. “It makes me happy to be here, too,” Lee said, and Gaara looked up, his gaze a little wary as he met Lee's.
Something happened in that moment that had Lee's stomach twisting itself up.
And then Temari said, “Well, I hate to break up this tender moment, but my water just broke.”
Shikamaru promptly passed out.
***
The waiting room in the maternity ward of the hospital was thankfully empty while they waited for Temari to give birth. It was a blessing only because the three men waiting were each quietly a wreck in their own ways.
Gaara's sand rolled around in his gourd, anxiously scratching at its sides, while Kankurou paced around the waiting room. Shikamaru, after being revived, had refused to leave Temari's side, much as he'd done these past months and had followed after her into the delivery room. Lee, surprisingly, was the least active as he sat next to Gaara, anxious thoughts flying around in his mind as he nervously played with his bandages.
He felt slightly guilty for not being more concerned for Temari, but he knew she would be all right. She was a strong kunoichi, and he was sure that childbirth wouldn't phase her. (Of course, if he had been in the room with her, he would have learned that childbirth was in fact not a walk in the park even for a strong kunoichi. But since Lee was not present for those moments, he spent his time in the waiting room thinking about what had happened when Gaara had looked at him during their aborted lunch.)
The Kazekage's shoulder brushed his and Lee jumped ten feet in the air.
“Are you all right?” Gaara asked, his tone tense.
“Forgive me,” he said, settling back in his seat. “I am just very anxious.”
“Me too,” Gaara said quietly.
“Does it usually take this long?” Kankurou snapped. It had only been an hour, and Lee was sure it could take all day for a baby to be born.
“It is a long process,” Gaara said. “I read that it can take as long as thirty-six hours to deliver a baby, sometimes more.”
“Thirty-six?!” Kankurou squawked. “What the hell? Thirty-six?!” And then he resumed his anxious pacing, muttering to himself over and over again in growing agitation, “Thirty-six!”
Lee watched him for a moment, but his mind drifted against his will back to their earlier lunch when Gaara's gaze had met his. Why had it felt so significant? What had that feeling been?
The Kazekage shifted beside Lee and his heart fluttered in his chest. He quickly clamped down on his body's reaction. Was it anxiety? But the Kazekage did not make him anxious! Lee had never felt any sort of fear or hesitance towards Gaara, not even after their fight during the Chuunin Exams.
Gaara's presence at Lee's side was a distraction that Lee could not ignore. He glanced sideways at Gaara, noting the tension in his face. He realized suddenly that he could read the Kazekage's expression. It must have become second nature, because he'd never really been conscious of it before. The Kazekage's expressions were so subtle that Lee still often thought of him as an enigma, but somehow he knew exactly what to look for in that moment. The press of his mouth, the line between his brow, the narrowed eyes—Gaara was worried. He was probably going over every fact he had learned about childbirth to prepare for this day, and even then it was not easing his concerns.
Lee wanted to reach out and take Gaara's hand, to squeeze it gently to help ease the tension in him.
He swallowed. That was a silly thing to think, wasn't it? He had never wanted to hold a friend's hand before. But surely this was an acceptable situation for such a thing?
Gaara's gaze slide to Lee's and Lee quickly looked away, fidgeting with his bandages even more.
He could feel the weight of Gaara's gaze on him, could feel his warmth radiating off of him in waves, could practically taste his chakra like a kiss—
Lee shook himself from that train of thought. That was a very, very, very bad train of thought. He could not be thinking of the Kazekage and kisses in the same moment. That was just absurd! It was a diplomatic incident waiting to happen! Lee kissing the Kazekage! What a thought! What a silly, horrible, wonderful thought.
Lee groaned.
Oh, dear, he thought, dropping his head into his hands.
“What's wrong?” Gaara asked, his voice closer to Lee's ear than he'd expected. Lee swallowed, glancing out of the corner of his eye to see Gaara leaning forward, close enough that Lee could close that gap between them in a nanosecond and then he'd know.
“No-nothing, Kazekage-sama. I am just worried.”
Gaara didn't seem satisfied with Lee's answer. He searched Lee's face for a long moment, so close Lee could feel the Kazekage's breath ghosting his cheek. He remembered other times they'd been close, other visits when he'd sought that closeness out without realizing it; other times when he'd found a reason to brush his hand against Gaara's arm or his shoulder; other times when he'd forgotten everything around him and simply stared at Gaara until the world came back into focus.
How had he not noticed before?
Was this what falling in love was like? This slow, subtle transformation from strangers to friends to... What were they? Lee was in limbo. They couldn't possibly be anything more than friends. After all, Gaara was the Kazekage! It wasn't as though Lee were of Suna. He was a foreign shinobi. What would people say? What would the Hokage say? What would Gai-sensei say? (Gai-sensei would have a long, flowery speech about love overcoming everything, so perhaps he wasn't the right person to turn to in such a situation.)
Lee huffed, scrubbing his hands through his hair.
“Lee,” Gaara said, touching Lee's shoulder. Lee jerked in surprise and Gaara's hand withdrew so quickly Lee might have imagined it had been there.
“I am sorry, Kazekage-sama. I—I need to stretch my legs! I am not very good at sitting still for so long.”
Gaara was silent and Lee was on his feet, heading out of the maternity ward before the Kazekage had time to come up with a response.
Lee walked swiftly through the hospital, not quite sure where he was going until he found himself outside of Suki's room. He'd already checked on her that day, but there was no harm in checking again. He knocked on the door, pushing it open to find that Suki was not alone and it was not one of her handmaidens that sat at her bedside.
The man rising to his feet was dressed in fine silks and had skin as pale as the Kazekage's. His hair was ink black, worn high up on his head in a neat little bun. Lee did not know who he was or how he'd gotten in, but he could not let this man near Suki. It was his job to protect her, after all.
“Excuse me, but I must ask that you step away from Suki-dono, please.”
“No, Lee,” she said. “It's fine. This is my husband, after all.”
She did not sound happy about the matter. The man bowed his head. “I am Akio. I came from my father's palace the moment I heard of Suki's condition.”
Suki snorted. “Come to make sure I hadn't decided to run off, hm?”
Akio huffed. “As I have said, Suki, that is not why I have come. I came to make sure you were well.”
“And I am not well,” she snapped.
Akio watched her for a long moment. “I know this is difficult—”
“You know nothing,” she bit off. “What could you know of my feelings? We've never even spoken before! I'm being shipped off to this godforsaken land to be married to a complete stranger. I have no friends, no family, and on top of it all I'm expected to be a good little wife to a man I've never met!”
“If you wish to call off the wedding—”
“So you can declare war? So you can demand retribution?”
“No. I meant nothing of the sort,” Akio said softly. “I meant only to offer you the freedom you have had taken from you. If you do not wish to marry me, then we will not marry.”
Suki's eyes filled with tears and she covered her face with her hands. “H-how can you say such things? Our fathers made a deal—”
“Our fathers,” he said, stressing the words. “Not us.”
He reached out, gently pulling her hands from her face. “I am giving you a choice. There is nothing stopping you from changing your mind, but...if you are willing to marry me, then I would be honored.”
Suki shook her head. “I—I do not know what to do.”
“Then I shall wait. I will stay here in Suna while you take the time you need to heal and think this over. I promise, I am not demanding anything from you, Suki. I simply want to ensure that you are well.”
Akio left, practically floating past Lee he walked so elegantly. Lee watched him go, feeling suddenly sorry for the man. He turned to Suki.
“Would you like me to fetch one of your handmaidens?”
Suki shook her head mutely.
“What about a medic?”
Again she shook her head, then she held out a hand, beckoning Lee to her. He approached her bedside, looking down on her sad, tear-stained face. She reached out, taking his hand in hers.
“What do you think I should do?”
Lee's eyes went wide. “You—you want my advice?”
Suki nodded. “You are very kind, Lee. You have been good to me this whole trip, even though I have been nothing but rude to you in my despair. You seem strong and capable, and I think you are a good judge of character.”
Lee smiled softly. Few people thought he was a good judge of anything, let alone the character of another. “I think Akio-dono seems like a good man,” he said quietly. “If I were you, I would follow my heart. It is not up to the whims of our fathers who we love, after all. Love is a pure and wondrous thing, Suki-dono! It cannot be contained and controlled by contracts and treaties!” Lee paused, biting his lip. “But then, sometimes love is not so easy. Sometimes love finds us when we are not ready for it to. Sometimes... sometimes the person we love we can never be with.”
Suki let out a shaky breath, as though she were trying to hold back her tears. “You—you are in love, aren't you?”
Lee's face warmed, but he nodded. “I believe I am.”
“Does she not love you back?”
Lee swallowed. “I have only just realised it, actually. And I have not confessed yet, but I do not think I will. It would put him in a very awkward position, you see.”
Suki squeezed Lee's hand. “Perhaps not, though,” she said softly. “Don't you want to try?”
Lee stared at his and Suki's entwined hands, thinking back to the moment when all he'd wanted was to take hold of Gaara's hand. Surely the Kazekage would never accept his feelings, surely it would cause a diplomatic incident and the Hokage would need to take action. Perhaps Lee would be demoted or maybe exiled. And what if he were banned from Suna?! He could not take such a thing. If the Kazekage were to turn away his friendship—Lee could not bear to think on it.
“I am afraid to try,” he found himself saying, his voice unlike his own.
“Be brave, Lee,” Suki said. “And I will try to be brave, too.”
Suki let go of his hand, and he knew he was being dismissed.
He bowed to her, looking up at her beautiful, sad face once more before he left.
***
Lee returned to the maternity ward sometime later, after a few laps around the village. It was late enough now that the sun was not beating down on the village and he had been able to safely exercise without fear of heat stroke. Of course, he was still gross and sweaty when he returned, but he did not want to keep the Kazeakge waiting any longer. He had felt Gaara's gaze on him as he'd run around the village, all too aware of that third eye following him wherever he went.
He couldn't get away from it, not the eye that watched him or the feelings that had finally made themselves known.
He'd wondered, as he'd run around Suna, just how long these feelings had been growing and just how deeply they ran. Could he ignore them as he'd said he would? Or was that cowardice? Should he be brave, like Suki had said? Should he follow his heart as he had told her to do?
“I am very sorry that took so long,” Lee said when he returned to the maternity ward. Kankurou had fallen asleep in a chair, his head back and his legs spread, a bit of drool on his chin. Gaara was still in the same spot, stiff and tense, just as he'd been before.
“What's wrong?”
Lee hesitated on the threshold of the maternity ward, wanting nothing more than to turn back around and leave. He could not lie, but he did not think he could stand to tell Gaara the truth.
“I am just—there is something on my mind, Kazekage-sama. I cannot lie to you, but please, I am not ready to discuss it.”
Gaara's mouth became a thinner line than it had been a moment previous, but he did not ask Lee again. Lee took up his seat next to Gaara, determined to act as though he hadn't just had the earth shattering realization that he was in love with the Kazekage. He swallowed, clenching his hands into fists.
“Have you heard anything?”
“No.”
Lee glanced at Gaara, but the Kazekage did not look at him. “Do you want me to get you anything to drink? Or eat?”
“No.”
“I—are you upset with me?”
“Yes.”
Lee felt the burn of tears behind his eyes and he quickly closed them, turning his head so Gaara wouldn't see his hurt. “I am so sorry for whatever I have done to upset you,” he said softly. “If there is anything I can do to make it up to you—”
“Don't,” Gaara said, the word coming from him like the sound a wounded animal might make. “Don't.”
“I—what? What am I doing?”
“I do not want your apologies and your formalities. If you will not tell me what is troubling you, then I accept that. I do not like being in the dark, however I will respect your need for privacy. But do not apologize and do not call me by my damned title.”
Lee had never felt smaller than he did in that moment. He wanted to let the tears fall, but he could not allow himself to cry in front of the Kazekage—in front of Gaara, his most important person.
“Ga-Gaara,” he said quietly, trying hard to keep his voice from shaking. He failed spectacularly, but at least he'd tried. “I promise, I will tell you what is wrong later. I just—I am not ready and I do not feel now would be appropriate given the circumstances.”
“Temari will be in there for at least another three hours,” Gaara snapped. “We have time to talk.”
“I—”
Gaara rose suddenly, turning on Lee. “Let's go. If you cannot talk here, then we will go someplace else.”
“It—but your sister is in labor!”
“Yes,” Gaara snapped. “But I cannot sit here a moment longer with you acting this way.”
“But you said—”
“I've changed my mind.”
Gaara rarely yelled. In fact, Lee could not remember a time he had ever heard the Kazekage shout outside of on a battlefield. Gaara's voice had barely risen above its usual volume, but it was like a slap to the face for Lee. He couldn't stand when someone he cared about was mad at him, but it was so much worse having Gaara mad at him. Lee looked up into Gaara's face, finally determined to face him like the shinobi he was, but he came up short.
If Gaara had ever cried before, Lee could not remember it and the sight of Gaara fighting back tears had Lee on his feet and in the Kazekage's personal space before he could think twice about it.
“Kazekage-sama,” he said so softly he might not have spoken at all, a hand coming up to Gaara's cheek before he could stop himself.
Gaara stood so still he could have been a statue, but the moment Lee's hand touched his cheek the tension in him eased. He closed his eyes, a few tears spilling down his cheeks, and leaned into the hand cradling his face. “Lee, what are you—”
“Do not cry, Gaara,” Lee said softly. “I did not meant to upset you. I—I will tell you... if we could go someplace private.”
Gaara opened his eyes a fraction, looking up at Lee, confusion and something else in his gaze. Lee's stomach was a knot of emotion, his heart in his throat, and the desire to kiss Gaara was so strong and fierce in him he thought he might give in to it without even realizing it.
Before Lee could put distance between them, Gaara's sand had enveloped them and they were gone, traveling from the maternity ward to Gaara's home in mere seconds.
Lee felt just a little bit dizzy as they materialized in the Kazekage's study. He gripped Gaara's shoulder to steady himself, the familiar feel of the Kazekage so close grounding him.
“Lee,” Gaara said, but it was too late. Lee was being pulled to Gaara by that force that had shook him to the core so many hours earlier. His mouth was a breath away from Gaara's, one hand still cupping Gaara's face, and all the Kazekage had to do was move just a fraction and they would be kissing.
Gaara was still again, suddenly made of sandstone, and Lee came back to himself, pulling away, putting that desperately needed distance between them. Gaara followed.
“Kaze—”
“Gaara,” Gaara growled fiercely, and then he had closed the distance between them again, standing with his body flush against Lee's, a hand fisted in Lee's vest, and his entire body shaking. Once again, all it would take would be the barest movement and they would be kissing. “This—this feeling—do you feel it?”
Lee swallowed. He could feel Gaara's mouth moving just above his, so close Lee couldn't think past the lips ghosting his own. “Yes,” Lee said, whispered, gasped. “I do. I—I love you, Kazekage-sama.”
Gaara's eyes had been a bit wild before, but now they went wide, shuttering like windows being slammed closed in preparation for a storm.
“How?” Gaara said, his voice gruff.
“How do I love you?” Lee clarified. Gaara made the smallest motion to confirm it, so small that it did not bring them that crucial fraction closer. “I—I do not know how. To be perfectly honest, I only realized it today at lunch. When you looked at me. I—I think I have loved you for a long time without realizing it, but I knew today. I felt it when you looked at me. I—I love you, Gaara.”
The few tears that had started before came freely now. Gaara's face was streaked with them as he stared, wide-eyed up into Lee's face. Lee felt his own tears falling, but he did not dare move.
“Kankurou-san said that it makes you happy when I am here,” Lee said quietly, and it came out like a question rather than a statement of fact. He did not dare ask the question he wanted to, too afraid of the answer even with the Kazekage so close.
Gaara closed the distance between them in answer to Lee's unanswered question.
At twenty-seven years old, when he had given up completely, Lee had his very first kiss and it was exactly as wonderful as he'd imagined and then some. Gaara's lips were slightly chapped and their tears made the kiss taste of salt, but it did not matter. As inexperienced as they both were, as stiff and unyielding as Gaara's mouth was, as scared and panicked as they both were, Lee knew.
And Lee never wanted it to end.
But all good things come to an end and eventually they pulled apart, breathing just a little bit heavily, pressing their foreheads together as the world returned around them.
Lee felt himself laugh, touching Gaara's face with eager fingers, wiping away tears. “I am very sorry that I upset you earlier.”
“You'd looked strange right before Temari went into labor,” he said. “I thought what Kankurou had said had upset you. I thought...I thought you knew and were disgusted.”
Lee was appalled that Gaara would ever think such a thing. “Never,” he whispered. “I could never—wait, all this time you have known how you felt?”
“Yes and no. I suspected, but I have no experience with these feelings firsthand. I'd spoken with Temari and Kankurou before about what this feeling might be—”
“They knew!?” Lee all but shrieked.
“They suspected,” Gaara corrected. “I tried to keep your name out of it, but they knew who I was talking about immediately. It was apparent to them that there was something between us long before even I became aware of my feelings.”
“How long?” Lee asked, almost afraid to find out the answer.
“Three years.”
Lee groaned. “Why did you not tell me sooner?”
“You weren't ready.”
“I—but...you have waited so long.”
“And it was worth it,” Gaara whispered. “I have never felt this way before and I do not expect there will ever be a time I feel this way again about anyone else. Whatever your choice is, I accept it. I am simply glad that I was finally able to express this.”
“What—Kazekage-sama, do you think that I would—that I would reject you? I have made my choice! I thought that was clear.”
Gaara's eyes searched Lee's face for a long moment, but he looked no less lost when he spoke next.
“I do not want you to feel obligated,” he said carefully. “I am not asking you for anything, and I am not—just because I am the Kazekage—”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“I do not want you to feel as though you must accept this because of my position,” Gaara said flatly. “I am well aware that my position stands between us. You remind me every time you are here.”
“I do?”
“Every time you call me 'Kazekage'.”
“Oh,” Lee said, realization dawning. “I am so sorry, but—but that was only because I was being respectful of you! I did not mean to make you feel as though I would never—that I—I love you!”
Gaara's mouth twitched. “So you have said.”
“Then why do you think I would not accept this?”
“Because I do not understand how someone like you can love someone like me.”
Lee smiled sadly. “I have told you before, Gaara. You are a good man and a great shinobi. There is nothing not to love about you.”
After a moment's hesitation, Lee closed the distance between them again and decided that second kisses might be even better than first kisses.
***
Lee and Gaara returned to the maternity ward just in time for Shikamaru to come bursting into the room, tears streaming down his face and shouting that he was a dad.
Kankurou jerked awake as the door slammed open, so none were any the wiser to Lee and Gaara's absence. Lee was relieved for this only because he felt a bit rude abandoning Temari in her time of need.
“How's Temari?” Gaara asked right away.
Shikamaru was babbling, not quite aware of those around him. “I'm a dad. I have a son. Can you believe it? A son! Me! I have a son—”
“Is Temari all right?” Kankurou snapped, getting to his feet.
“He's so tiny,” Shikamaru continued. “He's got so much hair!”
“Is Temari all right?” Gaara repeated and this time the room seemed to shake, his sand rolling in his gourd. Shikamaru may have been an overwhelmed new father, but he was still a shinobi and he knew when he was in danger. He snapped to attention, finally aware of the others in the room.
“Temari—Temari's great! She's resting with Shikadai. He's so tiny! He's—I'm a dad. Oh, my god. I'm a dad.” Shikamaru collapsed into the nearest chair, a new wave of tears falling down his face.
Lee reached out and patted his shoulder. “Congratulations, Shikamaru-kun!”
Shikamaru gave Lee a watery smile. “Thanks.”
“Can we go in and see them?” Kankurou asked.
“What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, just—just don't wake Temari up.”
Kankurou laughed. “Trust me, I know better than to wake her up.”
All four men filed out of the room and down to Temari's room. She was awake when they arrived, staring sleepily down at the little bundle in her arms. She was smiling and humming a song Lee had never heard before.
She looked up as they entered, giving them a dopey smile. “Come meet your nephew,” she said softly.
Kankurou was there in an instant, taking the baby in his arms and staring down at him, a big smile on his face and tears in his own eyes. “Man,” he said, his voice cracking. “He's so small. I—hey, kid. I'm your Uncle Kankurou.”
The tiny baby didn't have much to say in response, but Kankurou seemed overjoyed nonetheless. “He's got your eyes, sis.”
Temari gave a tired little laugh. Shikamaru was watching Kankurou as though he were scared that he might drop him. He fluttered around Kankurou's elbows, muttering about how to hold the baby properly, his hands out just in case. Temari had to grab hold of his hand to calm him.
“Gaara,” Temari called.
Gaara was standing frozen in the doorway, watching the scene before him with wide, fearful eyes. He didn't seem to hear his sister calling him.
Lee gently took Gaara's hand, startling him from his thoughts. “It is all right,” Lee whispered. “You will be a great uncle.”
Gaara swallowed. “I—”
Lee tugged on Gaara's hand, pulling him forward so that they were a part of the group gathered around Temari's bed and not outsiders looking in. Temari watched them, her tired eyes on their entwined fingers as Lee drew Gaara closer to her son. Kankurou held the baby out for Gaara, but he shied away from the small bundle. He did not go far though, Lee's hold on his hand kept him close.
“It's all right, Gaara,” Temari said soothingly.
“I can't.”
Lee wanted to cry for Gaara, but instead he reached out and took the baby in his own arms, bringing the bundle close for Gaara to see. The Kazekage leaned against Lee, staring over his shoulder at his nephew. Shikadai stared up at Lee and Gaara with wide eyes, taking them in carefully. After a long moment, wherein the tension in Gaara's body only increased, Shikadai cooed, raising tiny hands in the air to reach for his reluctant uncle.
“He likes you,” Lee said softly.
Gaara let out a breath, wiping a hand across his face. “How can you tell?”
“I just can,” he said simply and turned to Gaara fully, settling Shikadai in Gaara's arms. “There. See? He is happy to be with you.”
The room was silent as Gaara held his nephew for the first time. He stared down at the bundle in his arms with wide eyes and Shikadai stared up at him in much the same fashion. Neither seemed to know what to do with the other, but Lee knew Gaara's fears were being put to rest slowly but surely.
Eventually, Shikadai fell asleep in his uncle's arms as Gaara watched on.
“Here,” Temari said, the word startling Lee from his blissful contemplation of Gaara. Tears had fallen down Temari's face, but she was smiling. Kankurou was too.
Gaara passed his nephew back to Temari reluctantly.
“Do you want to get some rest?” Shikamaru murmured, pressing a kiss to Temari's forehead.
Temari hummed. “Yes,” she said. “And when I wake up, I think Gaara and Lee have something they want to tell us, don't you?”
Lee kept the undignified squeak to himself, but his face flushed brilliantly as Temari pinned him with her knowing gaze. Beside him, Gaara's cheeks were tinted pink and he was smiling.
“We do,” he said quietly. “Rest now, though.”
Temari settled in to sleep, smirking knowingly with her son in her arms. Shikamaru said goodnight to the others before settling down next to his wife and son. Kankurou cast a sideways glance at Lee and Gaara, snorting and shaking his head as he headed out of the maternity ward.
“See ya at home,” he called over his shoulder.
Lee's face was still hot with embarrassment as he stood in the hallway with Gaara. “Does everyone already know?”
“It would seem so. Is that a problem?”
Lee could hear the fear beneath the question and he quickly hastened to ease that fear. “Absolutely not! It is just—well, I am a bit embarrassed. But not because I do not want to be seen with you or anything! I just meant, for everyone to know before me! I feel a bit foolish being the last to know.”
“Your foolishness is part of your charm,” Gaara said softly, smiling. Lee realized Gaara was teasing him and the blush that had been fading returned.
“You have very strange taste,” Lee said, teasing back.
“You are very strange,” Gaara reminded Lee.
Lee beamed. “I am very glad for that if it is why you love me—” Lee realized belatedly that Gaara had not actually said he loved him in so many words. They had kissed and Lee had expressed his own feelings, but Gaara had not said in no uncertain terms that he loved Lee.
The doubt must have shown on Lee's face, because Gaara moved closer, taking Lee's hand in his.
“One of the many reasons,” he whispered. “I could tell them to you, if it would make you happy.”
Lee felt his joy like the inescapable heat of Suna. It was all around him and within him, and if he did not do something soon he might very well expire from the force of it. He glanced around the hall before leaning forward to kiss Gaara's cheek.
“I would like that very much.”
Gaara kept Lee from pulling away, his mouth ghosting Lee's as his sand swirled around them. He smiled against Lee's mouth, whispering so only Lee could here, “Then let's go home.”
The next moment, Gaara's sand had enveloped them and they were carried away.
***
Suki was sitting up in her bed, smiling. Lee had never seen her smile before and the effect was breathtaking.
She was more vibrant, more energetic, and more optimistic than he'd ever seen her. Akio sat at her bedside, smiling kindly as he listened to her talk. It seemed that whatever reservations Suki had held towards her upcoming marriage had been put to rest. It meant his mission would be continuing soon, which meant he would be forced to part with Gaara.
It troubled him that he would have to leave so soon. Who knew when he would be able to come back to Suna? Life was unfair, blessing him with the gift of love only to take it from him so quickly after discovering it. He sighed, turning to leave Suki and her soon-to-be husband alone, bumping into Gaara in the process.
The Kazekage was watching him, an intent look in his eyes.
“Kaze—I mean, Gaara,” Lee said, blushing unnecessarily. He was slowly adjusting to this new informality, this new intimacy between him and Gaara, but it did take some getting used to. Especially in public where Lee felt he ought to be demonstrating the very best of Konoha etiquette which did not include referring to the leader of a foreign village so casually.
“I heard that Suki's health has improved,” Gaara said quietly. “You're to be leaving tomorrow, is that right?”
“Unfortunately, you heard correctly—I mean, not that it is unfortunate that Suki-dono is doing better! I simply meant that it is unfortunate that I have to leave.”
Gaara's mouth twitched, a small smile replacing his usual neutrality. “I assumed as much.”
“I am very sorry to be leaving so soon,” Lee added quietly, reaching discreetly for Gaara's hand. Gaara allowed the physical affection, squeezing Lee's hand.
“I am sure you will be back soon enough,” he said, and something in his tone gave Lee pause. His words seemed to hold a secret and Lee's heart skipped a beat at what that secret might be.
“I do not know,” he said carefully. “Once I return to Konoha I will have to return to my duties, and I am not so sure the Hokage will have many errands for me out this way.”
“No?”
Lee stepped closer, dropping his voice. “Unless, of course, there is a matter I have not yet been made aware of,” he said, his voice full of hope.
“There may be,” Gaara said idly. “I do not wish to get your hopes up, but I did write to Naruto.”
Lee swallowed, his face suddenly burning. “O-oh? What did you say, if I may ask?”
Gaara smiled. “You may. I suggested that it might be beneficial for Suna to invest in more hand-to-hand combative techniques, and given that most of Suna's shinobi do not specialize in Taijutsu I wondered if Naruto couldn't spare a specialist. I may have made a suggestion as to who would be best suited for the job.”
Lee felt like he was flying. He smiled his most dazzling smile, so thrilled he nearly gave into the urge to pick Gaara up and spin them around. He resisted, his sense of propriety keeping him in line, but only just.
“That is amazing,” Lee whispered, completely beside himself. “You are brilliant, Kazekage-sama.”
“I am aware,” Gaara said softly, a hint of amusement creeping into his voice. “Naruto may deny my request, in which case I may simply demand that he station you here as it would be very inconvenient for me to have to travel all the way to Konoha just for a kiss—” Lee nearly choked on his own tongue, before realising that Gaara was joking.
“You would not actually say that, would you?”
“It had crossed my mind,” Gaara said lightly. “I imagined the look on Naruto's face if I were to put that in writing, but Temari was against it.”
Lee silently thanked Temari. “I—I am sure it is for the best. Temari-san is very wise.”
Gaara watched Lee from the corner of his eye, the amusement in his eyes a strange sight and one that made Lee feel warm all over. “I trust her to handle these diplomatic situations slightly better than myself. At least, where this is concerned, since she has the experience. I doubt Naruto would be all too offended though.”
“No,” he agreed. “I do not think the Hokage would mind once he got over the shock.”
Gaara gave Lee an arch look. “Shock?”
“Well, surely he would be surprised that you and I are together!”
“Hardly,” Gaara murmured, turning on his heel. Lee squawked, rushing after him.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I have been requesting that Naruto send you on missions out this way for the last three years. He may be foolish, but he's not an idiot.”
“You mean—all those times I came out this way for missions was because of you?”
“Indeed.”
Lee fought the urge to giggle as he followed Gaara out of the hospital. It was amazing to think that the Kazekage had not only harbored such feelings for him for so long, but had gone to such lengths just to see Lee. After all, he was a political figure and, friendship or no, requesting Lee specifically take on missions in his country was quite risky. What if someone had gotten wind of it and had used it to manipulate Gaara? What if someone had intercepted a letter and then posed as Lee to attempt to kill Gaara and perhaps even start a war between their nations? There were so many factors to consider that it had Lee's head spinning.
But what really got him was that very soon, he might be able to live right here in Suna with his most important person.
It was almost too good to be true, but somehow Lee doubted that Naruto would deny Gaara's request. After all, Naruto had sent Lee on countless missions out west, close enough that Lee could justify stopping in for a quick visit here or there. Given Naruto's willingness to grant Gaara those requests, it seemed hard to believe he would not grant this one.
“When did you write to him?”
“The night we first kissed,” Gaara said simply.
Lee smiled at the memory, overly pleased. Gaara could have said 'three nights ago' or 'the night Shikadai was born' or any number of things, but he'd chosen to focus on their kiss.
“Then Hokage-sama has probably received your request by now,” he said.
“Very likely, which means when you stop by on your way back from this mission, I will know whether or not Naruto has agreed to let you move here.”
“I think he will say yes.”
Gaara glanced at Lee, a small smile on his face. “As do I.”
“But,” Lee continued, “since I will be leaving soon, and will not see you for quite sometime, I think we should spend our time wisely.”
Gaara turned to Lee, stepping close. “I quite agree.”
Lee smiled, leaning forward to kiss Gaara as sand swirled around them, whisking them away.
If Lee could kiss Gaara everyday for the rest of his life, then it would be a life well-lived. Until he knew for certain that he would be allowed to move to Suna, he would just have to get as many kisses in as he possibly could.