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I absolutely love swimming in my fake sea. The wonderful biodome team spent ages working with me to make sure it’s what I needed, with a good temperature and perfect wave speed. It’s not too rough that I can’t keep up, but it’s also not too calm that I don’t do any real exercise.
It’s just right.
Usually, there’s someone with me when I swim, because all the Eridians are so hyper-aware of my age and of how dangerous water is to humans. I’m often reminded that humans can drown in as little as one inch of water, and while I’m no spring chicken, I’m also not a geri atric pensioner who needs walking through every step of life. I am a perfectly good swimmer, and I love swimming to give my aching muscles a break.
As of right now, however, there aren’t any Eridians in my biodome. Rocky is away with Adrian and their pebbles, and my other friends are all busy with their jobs. I don’t mind though. I’ve become used to being on my own, and while I usually prefer to have someone keeping me company, I’m not against my alone time.
Besides, this way it means I can bypass any silly human embarrassment when I strip down.
Listen, I know that Eridians can see through my clothes, so really it doesn’t make a blind bit of difference whether I wear clothes or whether I strut around naked, but I still can’t quite shake off the natural human embarrassment of being naked.
To be fair, Eridians themselves do wear clothes too. Usually a jumper on their carapace with holes for their legs, but I’ve seen other variations over the years. But they don’t have the same stigma around nudity as humans do, and in my defence, I’ve become much better about things like this and other cultural adaptations.
Taking my time, I step out of each article of clothing, folding them up and laying them in a pile on the shore line next to my towel, because even if I am the only one here, I’m not going to leave the beach a mess while I swim. I put my glasses on top of my clothes before wading into the sea.
The temperature is a nice shock when I step in. It’s cold at first, but it always warms up quickly, and by the time the water is lapping at my thighs, I’m already accustomed to it, finding it rather pleasant. It’s the perfect temperature for some lazy swimming.
My toes lift off the floor when I’m deep enough and I allow myself a moment to float lazily on my back, letting the waves push me around gently. I can already feel my muscles relaxing, giving into the push and pull of the ‘tide’. My limbs loosen and I drift around, feeling more relaxed than I’ve felt in a while.
After a while of drifting, I roll onto my front and begin to swim mindlessly in the water, stretching my arms above my head and kicking my legs out. It feels good to put my body to work, the exercise stealing all of my focus as I pump my arms through the water, not allowing my brain to wander onto any other topics. All I can think about is the feeling of pulling my body through the water, the stretch of my arms above my head and the tightness in my chest from holding my breath. I let everything else escape me as I focus on swimming, making my muscles work for their relief.
I swim for a while and when I feel appropriately tired, I roll onto my back and let myself float again as I catch my breath. My arms and legs hang limply in the water, a pleasant burn in my muscles that dissipates as I drift, letting my body relax after making it work. This is my favourite part about swimming in the sea. I love just drifting, being gently pushed around by the waves and the tide. The science team here did the most amazing job at replicating the sea for me and I cannot thank them enough for what they’ve done.
A small smile creeps onto my face as I think of their excitement over me and my habitat. They were always asking questions, making sure everything was right, and if I expressed even the smallest bit of discomfort, they’d be all over the problem, trying to fix it and make it perfect for me. The novelty hasn’t worn off either. Now, if I go to them with a problem (which hardly ever happens as I love my dome just the way it is) they all jump up, apologising over whatever it is that’s wrong, then they immediately figure out ways to fix it and make it better for me. They really are the best.
Eventually, after I feel properly nice and relaxed, I roll back onto my front and paddle over to the shore, slowly rising out of the water and back onto the beach. I grimace at the change of pressure, but I quickly shake the feeling off, grabbing my towel and placing it on the ground before I lie on top of it. When it’s nice like this, I prefer to air dry, especially when there aren’t any Eridians around.
There’s a soft breeze today, making me feel pleasantly cool as the water drips off my skin, rushed by the wind. I have to wriggle around a little to make a comfortable space for my body in the sand. Once I’ve found the perfect position, I close my eyes, tucking my hands behind my head, and let myself doze, listening to the waves lapping at the shoreline.
I realise that before I lived on Erid, I never really experienced calmness quite like this. Life on Earth was so hustle and bustle, even as a middle school teacher, and I never really got to feel this relaxed. The closest I ever came to this must’ve been when I went camping by myself for a weekend by a lake. It was so quiet, no other humans around. Just me and the wildlife.
Now it’s just me. A lonely human on alien soil, without any wildlife to speak of. I know there’s wildlife on the planet, as my students and friends have taught me a lot about the other species here. But they can’t survive in my atmosphere, so I am quite literally the only animal in my dome.
My heart clenches and I sigh, bringing one hand down to rub my chest. I’ve just spent ages in the sea relaxing! The last thing I want now is my stupid human body to start aching for touch. It’s only been a couple of weeks since the Doctor and Amy left. I’ve lasted much longer without touch before, I know I can do a bit more time. I hope he and Amy come back soon though. Maybe with Rory too, Amy’s fiancé. I’d like to meet him. He must be a nice guy if he’s engaged to Amy.
Opening my eyes, I squint in the glare of the artificial sun and curse myself for yearning so much. I know that, being a human, I can’t help my longing for other human company and touch, but I live on my own, for crying out loud. I’m the only human on this planet! I’ve lived for so many years without other humans and I love my Eridian friends.
I sigh, grumbling to myself as I push myself up and walk back into the sea until the water is just below my knees. It grounds me when I’m feeling like this. The stones and sand beneath my feet combined with the cool water is just enough to keep my brain from running away from me. I close my eyes and let myself feel the water, digging my toes into the sand, breathing with each wave that rolls past me.
“Excuse me, have you seen my husband?”
An undignified shriek rips itself from my throat and I spin around, trying to spot whatever on Erid had just spoken those words, however I spin too fast and end up tripping over my own feet, crashing face first into the sea. I push myself up onto my hands and knees, spluttering and coughing from the seawater I inhaled, my heart racing a thousand miles a minute.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
The voice is distinctly female with a British accent and I look up to see a curly-haired woman standing on the shoreline, looking half amused and half concerned. I let out a noise of disbelief because who the hell is she and how the hell did she get into my biodome? Actually, how the hell did she get onto Erid?! She’s not wearing a space suite, nor does it look like a ship has landed here anywhere.
What on Erid is going on.
“Who are you?” I manage to wheeze and when I push myself up onto shaky legs, she quickly averts her eyes, picking my towel up from the sand and holding it out to me. I feel my cheeks heat up and I swipe it from her, wrapping it around myself and making sure all the important bits are covered.
“I am Professor River Song,” she says, looking back at me, “and I am trying to find my husband. I picked up some readings from here so I stopped in to see if he was still around. I need him but I can’t for the life of me find out where he is!”
“Um.” Alright then. “And how did you get here?”
She grins wickedly and holds up her wrist, pointing at the thick bracelet strapped on. “Vortex manipulator. Please don’t tell my husband I am using it. He hates them, thinks they’re cheap and nasty. I am half inclined to agree with him, but it’s so useful and it gets me where I need to go much faster and with more accuracy than his ship does.”
“His ship… sorry, who is your husband?” I ask, absolutely baffled by all of this information.
“Oh, do you not know him? He goes by the Doctor. Charming man. Though his new face is really rather scatty. But I still love him anyway.”
The Doctor has a wife. This is the Doctor’s wife.
Oh Christmas Eve.
Her expression falls when I don’t say anything. “Maybe you don’t know him. I guess he must’ve-”
“No, no, no, I do know him,” I rush to say, interrupting her. “I just- he never told me he has a wife.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t he now? Well, I shall have to be having words with him about that then. I can’t have people going around thinking he is single!” She gives me a quick once over, making me blush at my state of undress. “Perhaps we should continue this conversation when you are more appropriately clothed?”
“Er- yeah. Yes. Yeah.” Good plan. “I need to shower. Do you- um. Do you want to come back to my house for a drink and we can talk?”
River smiles at me and nods. “Yes, that would be lovely, Mister…?”
“Grace.”
“Mister Grace.”
“Oh no, just Grace,” I say, bending down and gathering my bundle of clothes in my arms after making sure my towel was secured. I may as well use my title as she had used hers. “I mean- I’m Doctor Captain Ryland Grace, but everyone just calls me Grace.”
“You’re-” her breath catches in her throat and she stares at me, much like how the Doctor stared at me when I first met him. “You’re Doctor Captain Ryland Grace?”
“Yeah, I am.” I want to start walking back to mine to regain some of my dignity but River is frozen in place. She blinks, then dips her head in a small bow.
“Thank you for your services in saving Earth. You made a great sacrifice for your home planet and it paid off.”
Oh dear.
“Oh, er- thank you?”
“You’re extraordinary,” she says, finally starting to walk alongside me. “I mean, you went up there in a coma, lost two of your crew, then met an alien and managed to save both his planet and yours. That’s just incredible. And the fact that you chose to save him instead of returning to Earth!”
“Well I couldn’t just let Rocky die,” I say rather defensively. “He wouldn’t have caught the problem until it was way too late. I had to save him.”
“I know, it’s amazing. You saved your planet, his planet, and him. I mean, you’re just phenomenal. On par with my husband. Except you’re better, because he has a time machine and you’re just a human.”
I shrug self consciously. “I was just… I was just doing what was required of me,” I mumble, not wanting to tell her the truth about my place on the Hail Mary.
“Don’t talk yourself down like that,” she snaps, though there’s no venom in her words. “You’re an incredible person. I am so glad you’ve found happiness here. You, of all people, deserve it.”
She really does remind me of the Doctor in this sense. He’s said those words to me many times before.
“Well. Thank you,” I reply, busying myself with opening my front door. “Erm. This is my house. Armando will make you a drink, just ask him. He makes very nice tea. I’m gonna- I need to shower.”
“Of course, Doctor Grace. No rush.”
“Just Grace, please,” I tell her and she smiles.
“Alright, just Grace. Take your time.”
I nod my head before disappearing into my bedroom and dumping my clothes and glasses onto my bed, standing in my towel for a moment to get my bearings.
There is a woman in my house, who is the Doctor’s wife, and knows who I am and what I’ve done for Earth. She is absolutely a time traveller. Does this mean she’s also a Time Lord? Time Lady? She has a time machine. Well, a cheap excuse for a time machine. Personally, I wouldn’t trust a leather bracelet to transport me through time and space, but whatever works for her, I guess!
I shake myself out of my shock and force myself to go and shower quickly before dressing, throwing my favourite fox cardigan over my top. I take a deep breath, stealing myself for the conversation we’re about to have, and leave my room to find River chatting amicably to Armando.
“You making friends?” I ask Armando, who wiggles at me in hello then passes me a mug of tea.
“He’s a very intelligent robot,” River comments, her hands clasping her own mug of what smells like coffee.
“He has to be. His entire job was to make sure my crew and I didn’t die when we were sent to space,” I say, before wincing. “Which I realise makes him look bad. It wasn’t his fault that Yáo and Ilyukhina died. They just- actually. I don’t know what killed them. Maybe they weren’t as coma resistant as we thought they were. But anyway, Armando does a fantastic job. Olesya, one of my Eridian friends, comes by every now and again to make sure he’s still running properly.”
River’s expression softens. “It’s sweet that one of your friends is named after your crewmate.”
I feel my cheeks heat up and I look away. “Yeah, well. Ilyukhina was our engineer, and I met Olesya in my first week here. She was so sweet, fixing up things that had broken, so it seemed fitting to call her Olesya… I have a few friends and pebbles I’ve named after people from back on Earth.”
“Did you get to name them all then?”
“Yeah. They tell me their name in Eridian and I find a suitable match in English. Though some of them are just me being funny.” I grin, recalling some names I’ve given my friends or pebbles. “Like, my friend who fixes my clothes is called Coco Chanel, and I’ve twins in my class who I called Marylin and Monroe. One of my friends loves nature and studying the other species on the planet, so naturally they’re called Steve Irwin… There’s loads, but some of them have more personal names, like Olesya.”
“I love that,” River says. “Your connections to Earth are the most important things while living so far away.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I feel more like an Eridian citizen than an Earth one, if I’m being honest. I’ve lived here for so long with only my Eridian friends for company that I don’t really feel part of Earth anymore. I still think of it, but I have a rocky relationship with the planet. But I like to give the Eridians either personal names, or funny names. Pop culture references that they don’t understand. It’s funny to me.”
“Huh.” She tilts her head onto one side, regarding me with a curious look. “Nature versus nurture. You’re a fascinating person, Grace.”
“Well, thank you, I think?” I say with a smile, busying myself with my mug of tea. After a moment of silence, I look back up at River and clear my throat. “So. You’re the Doctor’s wife.”
She sighs and nods. “I am.”
“Does this mean you’re a Time Lord as well? Time Lady, even.”
She snorts. “No. I’m a human. Though some parts of my DNA have been genetically modified because of all my exposure to the time vortex. It’s a side effect of being the Doctor’s wife.”
“Huh. That’s really cool,” I muse.
“It is cool. However, it’s not cool when I’ve lost him. At the moment, I’m unable to contact his TARDIS directly, so I’ve been following the traces he’s left and stopping at the places where it’s detected the strongest, like here. It’s really inconvenient that he disappears just as I want to see him.”
I snort, shaking my head. “He’s kinda prone to disappearing,” I tell her and she laughs.
“Well, if that isn’t the truth I don’t know what is! He’s awfully hard to keep in one place. He doesn’t like being still for so long.”
I frown, thinking back to when he lived with me. “He lived with me for three months once. Didn’t leave Erid at all in that period.”
“Three months?” That has surprised her. “That is impressive. How did you manage to keep him in one place for three months?”
“He was grieving,” I say quietly. “He’d just had to wipe Donna’s memory. He was tired and grieving and I said he was welcome to stay with me for as long as he needed… I think he’d have stayed longer if an alert hadn’t gone off in the TARDIS.”
“Oh, Donna. He was lost without her,” River murmurs, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. “Those two worked so well together.”
“I only met her once,” I confess, “but she was so lovely to me. She was worried about me staying here all by myself, but she was so sweet. I really hope I get to see her again one day but I don’t think I’ll be able to. Seeing her would mean for her to be with the Doctor, and she can’t do that so…” I trail off with a shrug and River reaches over, placing her hand on my arm. I have to physically stop myself from making a noise of relief. My pathetic human wants and needs.
“Donna has such a big heart. I’m sure when she sees the launch in the 2020s she’ll recognise you. Or at least, she’ll wonder where she knows your face.”
I hum, focusing on the feeling of her hand on my arm. “He’s got himself another redhead now, you know. Amy. She’s brilliant. I met her last time the Doctor was here, about two weeks ago. Ish. Give or take. I think she’ll be good for his new face.”
She snorts and squeezes my arm before drawing her hand away. I mourn the loss instantly but I don’t say anything, choosing to busy myself with my tea instead.
“Yes, Amelia Pond. I have met her. She goes perfectly with his new face. Or his old face. Depending on which way you look at it.”
I frown, tilting my head at her. “What do you mean?”
“Has he ever told you how wibbly wobbly time is?” River asks and I laugh.
“Yes. Frequently. Those are his favourite words.”
“That they are,” she says with a rueful smile. “Well, in our sense, time is incredibly wibbly and wobbly. Our timelines are messed up, and every time I see him, he’s younger, while every time he sees me, I’m older.”
“What on Erid does that mean?” I ask, completely baffled by those words. I know time is wibbly wobbly, but how can that work?
“Every time we cross paths, I see a younger version of him. We’ve lived out lives together, but when married to a Time Lord, things do get complicated.” She sighs, sitting back in her chair and looking out of the window. “There will be a day where I look that man in the eyes and he will have no idea who I am. I know the day, of course. But I don’t want it to happen. I don’t see enough of him as it is, but I know the day I die is the day the Doctor will meet me for the first time.”
I have absolutely no idea what she means, but after being friends with the Doctor, I’ve learnt not to question things about time and relativity. It was mad enough for me on the Hail Mary, let alone befriending a time traveller. My mind boggles with every new piece of information I’m handed.
“So what I mean is,” she says, getting us back on track, “that because I’m going backwards on his timeline, I know what his next face is. And I know what his previous face was. Does that make sense?”
“Not in the slightest,” I tell her cheerily. “But you don’t need to explain more. Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey, right?”
She laughs. “Exactly. Very wibbly wobbly and timey wimey. So, he’s with Amy now then?”
“Yeah. He brought her here about two weeks ago to meet me because he said he wanted her and I to get along. She’s a very lovely woman. She seems like she’s exactly what he needs. I’m looking forward to meeting Rory though.”
“You know when he’s coming back then?” She asks and I scoff, shaking my head.
“Don’t be mad,” I say. “I have no idea when he’s coming back. He comes and goes as he pleases. He knows I won’t go anywhere, and he can pop in whenever he likes, given that he’s a Time Lord and all. But I don’t know how to contact him when he’s not here. So he just appears when he wants, then goes when he needs to.” I shrug, looking down into my half empty mug of tea, my heart clenching.
It sounds so heartless when I lay it all out like that. I know the Doctor isn’t a heartless person, and I know he loves me dearly, but I hate that he’s so scattered with his visits and that I can’t know when he’ll next see me.
“So inconvenient,” River says through a sigh. “Honestly, I think I need to put a tracking device on him. Or I need to update his comms so that I can properly contact him when I need him. Maybe both.”
“Doing both sounds like a good idea,” I tell her. “I’m sure the science guys here would help you with either of those if you needed it. Not that you do need help, but I mean, they’re so eager to do anything crazy like that so… I dunno. They’re there if you want them.”
She smiles at me and nods. “Yes, I would love their help. Working alongside aliens is always an interesting experience. Besides, since I saw your videos, I’ve really wanted to meet an Eridian.”
“Do you want to meet one now?” I ask her, finishing off my tea. “You probably won’t be able to meet Rocky today, ‘coz he’s off with his mate and their pebbles, but there’s always at least one of the biodome team in their work lab if you want to?”
Her face lights up and I know I’ve made the right move. “Oh yes please! That would be brilliant!”
We finish off our drinks and head on outside where I start to lead her towards the airlock where the lab is for the biodome team. She uses the walk to tell me more about her relationship with the Doctor and it sounds very wonderful, if rather chaotic. But then again, I think that’s everyone’s relationship with the Doctor.
We’ve only been walking for a moment when River offers me her arm, having noticed me slowly hobbling along beside her. I take it gratefully, letting myself lean against her a little as we make our way over the beach. Feeling another human again makes me sigh with relief and I can breathe a little easier, the ache in my chest fading away.
As we make it to the lab, I can see Rosalind and Franklin working away together and they look up as we approach. Rosalind waves at me, scuttling over to the biodome wall to say hello.
‘Doctor Grace! Hello! How are you?’ She greets, placing her front claw on the wall. I place my hand over hers with a smile.
“Hey Rosalind. I’m okay. What are you and Franklin working on?”
‘New adaptations. Might be able to get lollud to adapt to dome ocean, then Doctor Grace can have fish in water!’ She trills excitedly and I blink, surprised. The lollud is a species that lives in dark pools on Erid, and I thought they’d given up trying to adapt creatures to live in my dome.
“Oh! Well, that’s exciting. Keep me updated will you?” I’m not sure how I feel about having the lollud in my sea, even an evolved version. I like swimming knowing that nothing will sneak up on me and bite me. But I can discuss that with them when I don’t have a guest with me.
“What are they saying?” River asks excitedly, making me realise that because the TARDIS isn’t here, she has no idea what the Eridians are saying.
“Oh, sorry River. They’re telling me about some adaptations they’re making to the dome,” I tell her, not really wanting to get into the specifics. “But this is Rosalind and Franklin. They’re two of the scientists in the biodome team and they’re really clever.”
The two Eridians, for Franklin is also at the wall now as well, wave at River, who lets out a delighted laugh, waving back at them.
“Guys, this is Professor River Song. She’s the Doctor’s wife,” I say. “She’s only stopped by for a little bit today, but she’d love to see what you guys are up to some time.”
‘Hello Professor Song!’ My friends chirp at her, and Franklin continues. ‘Rosalind and Franklin honoured that you want to see what we do. Lots of biodome work, keeping Doctor Grace safe and comfortable.’
I relay all of this to River who nods along, a huge grin on her face. “I am honoured to meet you both as well. I love your names! And sounds like you have incredibly important jobs.”
The Eridians preen happily, jiggling on the spot to express their joy. ‘Most important job. Doctor Grace also Saviour of Erid. Saviour Grace and Saviour Rocky made Erid safe again. So now make sure Doctor Grace happy on Erid. Dome needs to be best best best.’
“It’s so sweet how much they care for you,” she says to me once I’ve told her what they said. “And it’s incredible that they can understand English without a translator of sorts. And that you can understand their language! This day gets better and better.”
I laugh at her, squeezing her arm as we are still looped together. I am so glad she hasn’t pulled away from me.
“We’ve worked together for so many years now that they’re completely fluent,” I explain. “I learnt Eridian when I was on the Hail Mary with Rocky. I had nothing but time so learning a new language was the best way to fill it, especially as Rocky and I were going to be working together. I was using my laptop to write all the words down and saved them against the sounds he was making, so I became fluent pretty quickly. Same with how these guys became fluent in English. We can’t speak each other’s languages, but we can understand each other perfectly.”
“Absolutely fascinating,” River breathes, her fingers tapping away on my arm absently in a soothing motion. “And their names! Rosalind and Franklin!”
“She was one of the most famous female scientists. I thought it right to honour her here,” I reply with a smile. “I told you I’ve named my friends after Earth references.”
“Oh Grace.” River looks up at me with a shine in her eyes. “This is truly amazing.”
We stay chatting to Rosalind and Franklin for ages as River gets carried away with her excitement. Not that I mind. I’ve nothing better to do. I know Rocky is coming over at some point to check on me, as he always does, but otherwise I’m content to spend the afternoon with River, Rosalind and Franklin, yapping away about science things.
However, as everyone does, River has to leave eventually. Her departure comes much too quickly for my liking, and all too soon we are standing back on the beach, her arm looped through mine, her head resting on my shoulder as we watch the waves slip onto the shore.
“I am so sorry I can’t stay longer,” she tells me quietly. “I would so love to. But I have to find my husband.”
“I understand,” I reply, resting my head atop hers. “But you’ll come back and visit me, won’t you?”
She pulls away to look up at me, her hands coming to cup my cheeks and I have to physically stop myself from crying out at the touch. It’s so warm, so loving. I feel myself tear up and I lean into her palms.
“Of course I will come and visit you. I need to come back to work with the Eridians anyway, but I will absolutely come back to you,” she reassures me, her thumb catching a stray tear that’s escaped my eye.
“Can I hug you?” I ask, desperate to feel her arms around me, longing for that human love.
“Of course, my dear,” is all she gets out before she’s pulling me close, wrapping her arms around my neck and cradling me close. Her embrace is softer than the Doctor’s. She holds me the way a mother would, her fingers scraping the hair at the nape of my neck, her head resting against mine. My arms snake around her waist and I press my face against her curly hair, wishing this moment could last forever.
When she pulls back an involuntary whine escapes my throat, but I quickly silence it, stepping out of her space and wrapping my arms around myself. She has pity in her expression and reaches up, cupping my cheek again.
“I’ll be back,” she promises me, “and I will bring my husband with me. You won’t be alone for much longer, Grace.”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak, but I smile at her as she steps back and taps away on her time machine bracelet. She looks up at me and sends me one last grin before pressing the screen and vanishing from view. I stare at the space where her footprints remain, digging my fingers into my arms as tears blur my eyesight.
I sniff loudly, wiping my eyes on the cuff of my cardigan before turning and slowly making my way back to my house. Rocky will be here soon to check up on me. He’ll be cross that he’s missed another guest and I know he’ll ask me so many questions about her and what we did together.
Armando sets the kettle boiling as soon as he sees me enter and he whirrs quietly, nudging my shoulder with one of his arms. I pat his head before lowering myself onto the couch, a mug of hot tea clutched between my palms.
Everyone always leaves. I know they have to; I know I can’t keep them here forever, and I’m aware that I am perfectly capable of living by myself. But since having the Doctor here, since being able to see humans again, that ache in my chest persists, a throbbing pain that only human touch can soothe.
I just wish I had someone I could keep here with me forever. Someone who wouldn’t leave. Someone who would stay with me and be mine until my body gives up on me and I die peacefully here on Erid.
For now though, I drink my tea and chat to Armando, waiting for Rocky to appear as my chest throbs and my heart aches, yearning for another to be with me always.