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Daffy laughed, this is a new record, fifth shoulder angel on this assignment, poof, gone. He pities the next fool who will say yes to this assignment. He was shining he was so close to finally moving up and becoming a greed demon. He always wanted to leave this job as a shoulder demon, it was beneath him at this point. But he had been stuck on it for years. Despite being the best shoulder devil in his opinion, he just had terrible luck with his clients, they always died awfully fast upon Daffy being assigned to them. Sometimes his advice killed them, how could they blame him?
His current assignment was Aloysius Bartholomew Sam, who is a politician aiming to be the new president of the United States, and so far he had been winning in the popularity polls despite being short-tempered, greedy, and selfish. Daffy kept advising him to play the loose cannon angle, driving the shoulder angels up the wall as he kept winning debate after debate.
Suddenly, a voice alerted him “What’s up, doc?” and Daffy stared at his new rival or could he say his old rival Bugs Bunny.
Daffy had ran into this shoulder angel before a few years back and despite how much he tried, the angel always one upped him, he was partially the reason his biggest client had died.
“It’s you again!! This time I won’t let you win. I am so close to tasting that promotion, and then it is only golden sheets for me, so I am not going to let you ruin it.” Daffy exclaimed.
“Well, someone isn’t that happy to see me. I told you multiple times I am awfully sorry about what happened to our last client. At least he died doing what he loved, feeding the fish.” Bugs said with a smile.
“No, He drawne- You’re despicable” Daffy said pissed that client was his last big task to get a promotion and ever since they have been giving him small potatoes. Only if he hadn’t dared the man to jump in the water without a life jacket to chase a victim who was escaping. How could he know the man would immediately be caught by the current? Well, Bugs knew that the know-it-all, but he couldn’t read his mind.
“It has been a while.” Bugs said with a flirty smile, “You look different. Did you grow shorter?”
Daffy was pissed. He looked at him and said, “I can’t believe they assigned you. You said you wanted to move on to bigger things, but here you are, stuck doing grunt work like me.” Daffy started laughing, rubbing it in.
“I did move on, I am a Seraphim now, see!” Bugs said, slightly unfolding his six wings.
“Of course you are.” Daffy said, getting annoyed.
“I am here since many shoulder angels quit and there is a shortage.” Bugs said with a smile.
“Of course there is.” Daffy was pissed now.
“And I heard it was your assignment too, so I had to stop and say hi.” Bugs said with a devilish smile.
“Of course you do.” Daffy wanted the world to swallow him, he would never become a greed demon and would be stuck as a shoulder demon for all eternity. He questioned if he should just throw in the towel now. Damn, he had been doing so well so far. Since a Seraphim, one of the highest-ranked angels, had come, he could kiss that promotion goodbye.
“So, how have you been, doc? Earned the promotion you had been aiming for?” Bugs said with a smile.
Daffy huffed, refusing to answer. He wanted to strangle the angel, but he kept his hands to himself for the time being.
“You know, at this point you would be in a better place. I saw great things in you, you know.” Bugs said with a flirty tone.
“Really?… I mean, of course I am the best there is.” Daffy said with a proud smile.
“Yeah, you are the best at getting your clients killed. Thought the Death reapers would have recruited you by now.” Bugs said with a laugh.
“Oh, I hate you.” Daffy said, seething with anger.
“You don’t mean it, Doc. We have been apart for so long. Me up there protecting humans, you down here getting the evil ones killed. We make a great team.” Bugs said.
That’s it!! Daffy is going to strangle him. He didn’t care what the rules said or how much it would hurt. He advanced towards him, holding his hands to strangle him, to which the angel put his hands out, welcoming a hug. Well he is about to be surprised.
Suddenly, before Daffy reached him, Sam started waking up, almost shaking them both off his shoulder. Daffy almost fell if it wasn’t for Bugs catching him, he felt a slight burn where his body connected to the naked arm of the angel, which Bugs immediately shifted him to, so he was only touched by his gloved arm, which didn’t cause any burns to him.
Bugs placed Daffy gently on the other side before going back to his. Daffy didn’t say anything. Any normal angel would have let him fall. He had wings, so it’s not like he would have fallen far or even hit the floor. He still felt the tingling of the burn where his body connected with Bugs. He was a bit shocked to be touching a Seraphim, with him being such a lowly demon should have vaporised him immediately what was wrong with the angel.
“Good morning, everyone. Good morning, demon,” Sam said, looking in the mirror. “Oh, a new angel, that’s the sixth one, isn’t it? Demon, you can get rid of it, can’t you?”
Daffy mumbled, “I am trying. But it doesn’t matter. We are almost at the finish line. This is the last big day.”
“The last day? How come?” Bugs said, while Sam started brushing his red beard.
“Just the last debate. I am crushing it. I can’t lose now.” Sam said, skipping washing his face and brushing his teeth, which sent shivers down Bugs’s back, but Daffy seemed satisfied and unaffected.
“Maybe we should skip this.” Daffy suggested while Sam was eating. “We are on a roll, and what is the point of this one anyway? They all know we are about to win anyway.” Daffy said, faking a lot of confidence, but in his heart he was scared of what Bugs was about to do, and he wouldn’t risk it. “Maybe we should sit this one out, and go have a fun outing before election day, but let’s go nowhere near a lake, though.”
“What is gotten into you, Demon? I want to go to that debate and rub it into that Rooster when people boo him and cheer for me.” Sam said with a bit of confusion in his voice.
“But relaxing today is such a great choice.” Daffy suggested.
“Wow, Daffy, you are such a horrible devil on the shoulder. Sam should be there. It is his final time on the big screen before becoming a president, and all the people expect him there. It would be such a loser behaviour to skip this,” Bugs announced.
“I am no loser. I will show you. I am going to that debate,” Sam said, heading out straight to the car.
Daffy tried and tried all the way to change Sam’s mind to make him turn the car and go home, he cried begged and even pleaded on his knees nothing worked and looking at the angel sitting who seemed to relish in his misery. He wanted to push him off.
Daffy finally said, “I hope you are happy.”
“I am. I get to watch you plead and lose your dignity over nothing. It’s his last debate. How bad can it get?” Bugs said chillingly, patting the demon's back with his gloved hands.
“Yeah, how bad can it get?” Daffy said, “We are leading in the polls by twenty points. We can’t lose. We just need to answer a few questions. Wham! Bam, thank you, ma’am.”
“Exactly. What are you so afraid of?” Bugs said with a knowing look.
“Exactly, what am I afraid of?” Daffy repeated.
—
The crowd kept cheering for every answer Sam made. There was no reason to be scared. The debate is almost over. He could almost taste that promotion goodbye sticky human shoulders and hello gold-covered floor so shiny he would see himself in it.
He had kept an eye on Bugs but the angel seemed relaxed like he was waiting for something, he saw him fly to check the questions and write something on the paper, he tried following him but Sam told him to stay on his shoulder and not move forcing him to observe Bugs from far.
Bugs looked different with the six wings surrounding him. He always exuded a level of confidence like no other angel had. Like the angel was meant for important things, it made him feel small, and he didn’t like it at all. But with the six wings, it made him feel drawn to him by a new type of pull.
It didn’t help that during this whole debate he kept eyeing him like he was eyeing prey, hovering around him but refusing to say anything like this was a game to him. Like he wanted Daffy to ask him to stop bothering him, but this demon won’t give him the satisfaction.
Finally, the interviewer asked the question Bugs had personally added on the questions sheet “What do you say to the people who are saying you never paid your taxes?”
Daffy frowned. That question wasn’t something they practiced. “What a stupid question.”
“Yeah, exactly, what do they expect? Sam doesn’t even have citizenship here.” Bugs said with his usual chill exterior.
“Exactly, Sam, repeat after me ‘Why would I pay for any taxes? It’s not like I am a citizen here?’” Daffy said proudly, which Sam repeated word for word.
Suddenly they heard sharp intakes from the crowd, “Ow Ow” Daffy looked regrettably and immediately tried to walk back his statement, but the voice of Bugs was higher.
“You did nothing wrong, Sam. I bet Foghorn doesn’t pay taxes either.” Bugs said.
“Exactly. Why should someone from Mexico like me pay taxes when my opponent clearly doesn’t?” Sam said proudly.
“Say I say even if I don’t, say I say I am at least a citizen here.” Foghorn said, which dawned on Sam that he said it wrong.
—
The downfall was instantaneous Sam had been using a fake Citizenship card and was immediately disqualified, and it also came out the name he was called when he was a robber and was immediately thrown in jail and deported.
“I can’t believe he got expelled and deported, I was so close to that promotion. Once they find out, I will be tortured for eternity. Why did I steal this assignment from the best shoulder demon? I should change my name and start a new life. John? No, no, maybe William? No, both sound ridiculous,” Daffy said, worried.
“How about you just go with me to heaven for a while?” Bugs said.
“Are you crazy?” Daffy said, “A demon in heaven? On one side, it is the last place they expect me at. On the other, I will be vaporized immediately upon entering.” Daffy said, thinking, really considering, “It does beat being tortured for eternity, though.”
“No, Daffy, I was sent to test you for a chance to become an angel.” Bugs said.
“Me an angel? I mean, of course, heaven wants me to be an angel. I am the best there is. But why, though?” Daffy said, questioning.
“I suggested it.” Bugs said proudly “You are the reason many evil people had ended up dead early for the last few years. And now you stopped a nuclear war from happening, I know you could do it.”
“I did?” Daffy said, “I mean, Of course I did.”
Bugs smiled fondly. “But you do have to give up a few things and have to live under surveillance until you can be trusted that you aren’t gonna go back to hell”.
“Under surveillance? I don’t like the sound of that.” Daffy said, annoyed.
“It’s nothing. You just have to live with me for a while, so I can keep an eye on you.” Bugs said with a devilish smile, he could almost taste the jealousy of the other Seraphim. He got the first demon to turn into an angel and claimed him immediately. But it won’t beat the taste of finally getting to taste this demon.
“If it is only for a while, that is alright with me.” Daffy said before heading towards the angel who extended his arms to hold the demon in a hug.
“Be not afraid,” said Bugs, to which Daffy complied despite his fear of being burned. He fell into the angel’s embrace, which immediately caused his eyes to glow and his skin to begin tearing off. Despite this, it didn’t hurt at all. He felt the fire inside his body being yanked out and replaced with a quiet, warm campfire, he felt his leathery wings burning, replaced with beautiful black wings, and his horns dissolving to finally have the hallow replace them, with his demon tail disappearing completely. His body felt raw like when he was a teenager. His wings brushing against Bugs’s gave him a jolt of excitement. He needed the angel's hands all over his wings right now.
“Nice wings.” Bugs said, waking Daffy from the images his mind kept producing about his new roommate. He tried to move from his grasp, but Bugs kept Daffy in his hold, not letting go. “Your new wings won’t be working for a while. I will take us.” He whispered into his ear, sending a shiver down Daffy’s skin.
He quickly lifted him to carry him bridal style, making Daffy blush all over. “Do you have to? Can’t you carry me any other way?”
Bugs smiled devilishly. “You are delicate, any wrong step will cause your wings to hurt. Can’t risk that”.
Daffy mumbled, annoyed. Bugs began to fly, and with each passing second he felt more and more turned on. He would need a very cold shower when he arrived. He hoped heaven had a shower.
Bugs smiled as he felt his companion fidgeting, burning bright red in his arms. he wished he could pass a few angels to rub it in their face how needy his new mate is. But that had to wait. He was taking Daffy to his nest, and he had better things to rub to release the tension his new companion was feeling.