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The first and last time Niamh and Siobhan Harrigan were ever meaningfully separated came during the few minutes between the two being born. Siobhan was first, and never allowed Niamh to forget it.
The two grew up doing everything together, and that of course included playing football. It didn't take them long to realize they liked playing centreback together, giving them a chance to channel their aggression and energy into something productive on the pitch. By the time they turned 15, the twins were being treated as serious prospects with the chance to become legitimate professionals.
The twins continued to develop and when they were 19, they moved from their local club in Ireland to Sheffield United. Sheffield made no promises about their chances at instantly making the first team, but it did have an actual academy with the facilities and resources that were miles better than anything in Ireland.
The night before they signed their contract, the twins and their parents made sure everyone understood the potential pros and cons of the move.
The benefits of the move were easy to figure out: better training, better pay and a higher quality of play. The concerns, however, were a bit more elaborate. The family of four went over the possibility of homesickness, laid out all the household responsibilities the twins would need to handle by themselves for the first time and made sure the twins braced themselves for the chance that all the off-the-pitch life changes could impact their on-the-pitch performance. All four still agreed that the pros outweighed the cons, and the next morning the twins officially put pen to paper to go to England.
It didn’t take long for the positives and negatives of their situation to reveal itself once the twins arrived in England. Sheffield having their own locker room for the women made their jaws drop, as did the size of their weight room. This was a serious football club with a men’s team had spent time in the Premier League. Meanwhile, they admittedly hadn’t heard of their coach prior to looking her up, but the fact that she had 12 caps for England made her vastly more qualified than any women’s club coach they had in Ireland, too.
While a separate locker room, Premier League-quality gym and internationally experienced manager were all cool, they didn’t magically solve the problems of living on their own for the first time.
The twins unsurprisingly became homesick very quickly, realizing they missed both the presence of their parents and their willingness to handle almost all of the household’s chores.
They barely made it a week before doing nightly Zoom calls with their parents and also quickly felt overwhelmed by their chores situation, with the dishes and laundry seeming like they never ended. Cooking was also an issue, with neither twin aware of any food techniques more elaborate than boiling water and baking a frozen pizza.
They eventually settled into their new, parentless domestic life as Niamh handled most of the chores while Siobhan figured out how many different meals you could make by combining frozen chicken with pasta and sauce.
The twins also tried bonding together in ways they rarely or never did in Ireland. They binged television series like no one’s business and also made every Wednesday movie night, complete with microwave popcorn and a two-liter bottle of soda. They also attempted to get into board games, but quickly realized they were too competitive for that to help their relationship.
Stubborn as they were, the twins absolutely refused to let their complicated off-the-pitch situation impact their on-the-pitch performances.
They began the season looking very unpolished relative to their peers on the training ground, but they also knew that meant they made the right decision to develop at a serious English club. They constantly pushed each other in training and regularly went on runs to keep their fitness extra sharp and before long, it started to pay off. By December, they were good enough to start the U21 matches and made such rapid progress that they were able to make the senior team’s 18-woman squad for the final game of the year.
Their first season in England asked a lot of out of them personally and professionally, but they survived thanks to always having each other’s back, even when they were calling each other dickheads.
Especially when they were calling each other dickheads.
At the start of the following season, Siobhan learned that Sheffield was looking into loaning her out for a year. They believed she needed a chance to get consistent playing time with a senior team, which sounded pretty reasonable to her.
Niamh was less thrilled when she heard about the idea.
"Wait, they're loaning you out but not me? Why wouldn't I get to come along?" Niamh asked when Siobhan brought it up during their dinner.
"Do I look like the Sheffield United technical director to you?" Siobhan snarked back.
Niamh quickly changed the subject, trying not to dwell on it. However, as she tried to go to bed that night, she could not stop thinking about what it would mean to lose her twin, even if it was only for about nine months. She told herself she'd feel better about it once she had a chance to sleep on it, and eventually went to bed.
She did not feel better once she had the chance to sleep on it.
She barely spoke to Siobhan the following day on their ride to training and continued to give her the silent treatment on the pitch. Siobhan pretty quickly figured out what was going on and gently confronted her twin as they got in the car to go home.
"If you're upset about the loan you can tell me, you know."
"I'm not." Niamh hissed back, her tone making it very obvious she was lying.
"If you say so." Siobhan said, her reply dripping with skepticism.
Niamh sure as hell wasn't ready to admit she was upset about the loan to Siobhan, but she still needed to talk to someone. Later that day, she walked several blocks away from their flat to ensure there was zero chance Siobhan would overhear her, and then called their mom.
"Momyoucan'tletSiobhanleaveonaloanwithoutme." Niamh began the conversation, so overwhelmed that her first sentence just became one very long word.
"Niamh, honey, I have no idea what you just said." Her mom replied.
Niamh took a deep breath to calm herself and tried to explain the situation just a bit slower this time.
"Siobhan said she's going out on a loan without me and I don't want her to do that and I want you to tell her not to leave."
"Honey, why would I do that?" Her mom asked with a confused tone.
"Because..." Niamh was realizing how silly her request sounded, but she meant every word of it. "Because I'll miss her and I know she won't listen to me but she'll listen to you."
"Niamh, you and Siobhan are professional footballers. Do you think Siobhan can just tell a club like Sheffield United she doesn't want a move because her mom said so?"
"No." Niamh replied, defeated. She was sure her mother had something reassuring to add, but was already feeling too embarrassed to try to keep the conversation going and hung up with a quick "love you, bye."
Niamh felt so fucking stupid. She was a 20-year-old professional athlete begging her mother to stop her sister from making a completely normal career move. As the second twin out of the womb, she had literally never existed in a world without Siobhan by her side and still wasn't ready for that to change.
The next few days blended together for Niamh as she tried and failed to act like the biggest change in her life was just a normal football transaction.
She eventually realized that she had to tell Siobhan she supported the move, even if that wasn't how she actually felt. She didn't want Siobhan to feel guilty for leaving her and knew deep down that the loan would be the right move for Siobhan's career.
She spent that Friday rehearsing what she wanted to say, knowing that the calmness of dinner time would be the best time to get the message across.
Siobhan prepared penne with Alfredo and handed Niamh a plate first before sitting with her own plate. Niamh barely let Siobhan take a bite before starting her speech.
"Okay, I've thought about it and I think you going out on loan would be what's best for you." Niamh began. "I love you as a sister, but also as a footballer, and this would be a really good opportunity for you to get more playing time." Niamh quickly realized her voice was feeling shaky but continued. "You'd make me proud, make our family proud." Niamh could feel the tears start forming. Any attempt at playing it cool was dead on arrival, but she continued. "But I'll really miss you. And you have to promise to call me and text me and send me pictures and tell me who your new friends are and..." Niamh's train of thought ran out as she began actively sobbing, the most emotion she had shown in front of Siobhan in her whole life.
Siobhan then began laughing, catching Niamh off-guard. Was Niamh's genuine vulnerability just going to be met with mockery?
"What the FOOK is so funny about this?" Niamh asked, momentarily trying to stop her tears.
"The loan already fell through, the other club actually decided they wanted to bring in another midfielder instead of another defender." Siobhan explained.
"WHAT?" Niamh shouted in shock.
"Yeah, I'm staying. And it would've just been a loan anyways, idiot." Siobhan shot back.
Niamh got up from the dining table, walked over to Siobhan and hugged her, getting Siobhan's shirt wet with her tears. Siobhan awkwardly accepted the hug, patting Niamh on the back.
Niamh then walked over to the counter, grabbing several paper towels to dry her face while attempting to calm herself down before returning to the dining table.
"You just gave me so much material." Siobhan gleefully said once Niamh sat down. "Oh please don't leave me, Siobhan! I'll miss you so much, Siobhan!" she continued in a mocking tone.
Niamh threw a piece of penne at Siobhan to express her displeasure with the impersonation.
"Fuck off, you turnip." Niamh added.
"You just cried thinking a turnip was going out on loan, dork." Siobhan retorted. She took a beat, before adding “And I’d miss you too...mainly because I don’t like doing the dishes.”
Niamh smiled, knowing that was about as vulnerable as Siobhan would ever get.
The rest of their dinner was quiet, with Niamh feeling too emotionally drained to have anything else to say for the night.
Siobhan eventually finished her meal first and got up from her chair.
"I'm just going to the bathroom, try not to cry." She announced with a laugh.
Niamh felt completely embarrassed by how she had handled this situation, but she’d rather be embarrassed with Siobhan than feel any other emotion without her.