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“Damian please!” Jason whined, arms outstretched with a strip of black fabric in them.
“Not until you tell me where you acquired this tie from,” his older brother said.
“I borrowed it ,” he mumbled.
“From?”
“...Dick,” Jason tried to ignore his brother's sharp inhale.
“Does Mr. Grayson know you've borrowed it?” Damian had a tense look on his face, like he was calculating all the possibilities of what could happen, and then multiplying them with each other. He usually makes this anxious face these days. It was better than the stone cold one he kept around others to be fair.
Though Jason, Tim, and Dickie had tried to tell Damian that the oldest son in this universe wasn't the beguiling monster Damian had made him out to be, he wouldn't listen.
“You are to put this back where you found it and not say a word to anyone. Is that understood?” Damian ordered sternly.
“They all have like 50 ties each anyways! He's not going to miss one black one.”
Damian shot Jason a freezing look then looked to Tim at the other side of the room, waving his hand in the general vicinity of Jason as if he couldn’t deal with Jason anymore. Tim was playing a video game on a Nintendo switch while Dickie leaned on Tim's shoulder, watching the gameplay. Damian wasn't happy about Tim gaming so much either, but he wasn't too apprehensive as Bruce gifted it to Tim himself and ordered to use it as much as he wanted.
“A tie really isn't necessary for visiting a graveyard,” Tim said, without looking up, his words helping no one.
“It's about the tie. He stole it, from Fa—Mr. Wayne's first son,” Damian hissed.
A knock on the door came, Bruce's voice followed suit, “Hey, boys! Everything okay? Will Jason be down soon?”
“Y-yes! Yes, sir!” Damain said, snatching the tie from Jason so fast it made Jason’s hand burn then shoving it into the waistband of his sweatpants so it was hidden by Damian's thick sweatshirt. Ew but a better hiding spot than pockets.
Bruce never came in, but Jason still straightened his posture up a little at his voice. But Tim had lowered the sound of his video game. But Dickie had peeled himself off from Tim and moved as far away as possible. But Damian still placed himself in front of the other boys.
“Cool, cool. Coolio. I'm just letting you know we'll be leaving in 5 minutes, Jaylad, if you’re ready. I'll see you in the foyer.”
“Okay,” then, upon feeling Damian's cold glare on his back, “Sir.”
When they heard Bruce's footsteps go down the stairs, they all exhaled.
“Well I can't return the tie now, so you might as well just help me with it,” Jason said puckishly triumphant, pulling the tie from Damian's waistband.
“You're going to get yourself killed one day,” Damian said, lips pulled taut in a grave line.
“Y-yes sir,” Jason mocked.
“Not funny, Todd,” Damian looked like he had more to say but he instead took the tie from Jason's hands and started tying.
Jason smiled, he hadn't felt this light in so long. Maybe he was the only person in the world excited to visit their own parent's grave, but he didn't care. He'd get to finally pay his respects to his mom. She wondered if her spirit watched down from heaven. Was her spirit high or sober? He hoped for the latter, but he honestly wouldn't care. He just hoped she was doing well. Heaven was supposed to make people happy and drugs made his mom happy so he wondered if they were there with her. He looked up at the ceiling and stretched his arms up.
He hadn't been to a funeral before, much less visited a grave afterwards. Mom and Willis didn't know people well enough like that. So he wasn't quite sure what to wear. The black dress shirt and pants were all their's, given by Alfred on their first day here. The shoes and socks felt weird on his feet after not being allowed to wear them for so long, but they looked good enough.
He even parted his hair to the side because Mom always said he looked smart like that. He felt he looked smart as in shoved-in-a-locker-and-steal-my-lunch-money kind of smart, but he would have now done anything to hear her say that again. Even if she were to lick her hands and use it to smoothen out his curly frizz as she often did.
With a final tug, Damian said, “There. Make sure to be smart, okay?”
Jason knew what that meant—acting polite and shit. Which he did all the time, for the record! “Ok.”
“And it might be dispiriting, but there is no need to cry there.”
“Ok.”
“And—”
“Damian, he gets it,” Tim said from his spot.
“Will Bruce let me see my parents too one day?” Dickie asked.
Silence was the reply for a moment.
“Maybe. Let’s first see how it goes with Jason,” Damian answered. “Go on now, don’t keep them waiting.”
“Bye everyone!” Jason practically skipped out. Dickie and Tim waved, but Jason could see tension on both of them too, especially by the way Dickie’s foot seemed to be trying to dig a hole through the carpet.
He ran down the stairs and saw older Jason—who insisted on being called Jay for the time being—and Bruce dressed smartly, waiting for him. They weren’t in all-black like he was but Bruce had a white merino wool sweater and white slacks, while older Jason had a red sweater vest over a shirt and khakis. Jason quietly judged his older selves's clothes to visit their own mom, but he supposed it was better than the other things he usually wore. Older Jason also had flowers in his hands which more than made up for it. Jason didn’t have flowers but he hoped his mom wouldn’t mind. Besides, asking to buy some would not be a part of “being smart.” No doubt, Damian was probably listening to what was happening through the vents.
“You clean up nicely, little me. Ready to go?” Jay said. Jay had black hair with a tuft of white in the front while Jason had red hair. Jason wondered what colour hair his mom had in this universe. His mom had reddish blonde hair that was blonder in the summer and redder in the winter.
Bruce gave one appraising look at Jason and nodded in agreement.
Jason just shrugged and followed them to the car.
The tires didn’t look too hard to steal, he contemplated looking out the window as the car drove. He politely answered Bruce's small talk questions as they drove but he mostly liked staring outside the window watching the cars drive by. It was interesting seeing the landscape go from lush countryside to bustling city in a few short minutes. Then back to a more suburban part of the city until finally reaching a quiet churchyard. Jay was also quiet for the car ride except for his bouncing thigh which hit the crinkly paper of the flowers every time. Though Jason couldn't help but imagine every couple minutes that Bruce would realize he didn't have to do this and then turn back around to punish Jason. Damian wasn't here to protect him. But he pushed that thought deep down every time it insisted on bobbing back up. Though Bruce said that he didn't need to do nothing to see Mom, Jason would and could take anything for the chance to visit her headstone.
There were so many headstones in the graveyard. How many people were suffering the loss of their loved ones? Why would God make humans so killable if it hurt others so much. That's something Batman would create. Though Batman was God in his own way.
Jay opened the door for Jason and he fumbled with his seatbelt before thanking Jay. The three of them walked—Bruce a couple steps behind—until they reached a clean headstone that looked simple from afar but had ornate engravings of flowers and cherubs around the description. Mom kept a collection of ceramic cherub figures on the mantle that her own mom gave her. Willis smashed them all to the ground in a fit of rage one day, but Mom still was able to pick up one wing and keep it in her pocket.
“I picked out the design,” Jay whispered. “Bruce let me. The city had her in a pauper's grave.”
Jay nodded. He didn't know what that was but he didn't like it.
They stood in silence for a bit. Bruce was still behind them, out of earshot. The summer breeze rustled the trees while the sun made the same trees cast relaxing shadows over the churchyard.
What was Jason actually supposed to do here? It was nice he supposed that his mom had one of the prettiest headstones in the churchyard but it didn't make him feel any better. What was the whole point of coming here? To look at a fancy rock? Mom was still gone and Jason still felt the same. He felt his throat close up and eyes start to sting. But he took some slow, quiet breaths. He wasn't crying. For the record.
Jay put the flowers he was carrying near her headstone. Now that Jason actually looked at them he realized with a small smile they were daffodils.
Jason was so lost in thought, he jumped slightly when Jay started to speak. “She thought flowers were a stupidly expensive gift. They were only good for a couple weeks. But she still put the daffodils I tore up from around the neighborhood in a pot.”
“Same with me! The pot was a tall tupperware container though.”
Jay nodded as if that's what he meant by “pot.” Jason did that loads too—translate his life to other people's life because it made more sense if he explained it like that.
“Yeah,” Jay said to no one.
“Yeah,” Jason replied awkwardly. Taking a risk, “what's the point of all this?”
“To remember her, I guess.”
“I don't feel much better.”
“I didn't either at first. But we're not here for just ourselves I think.”
Jay looked back at Bruce, whose eyes were closed and head down. His hands were folded in front of him. He looked a little like one of the ceramic cherubs in this position, Jason remarked. Especially because he was dressed in only white.
“He's a weirdo,” the elder said.
Jason shrugged. “...he's not too bad.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
They both burst out into laughter for some reason. Luckily there weren't any people near them.
“Did mom like you in that dork hairstyle too?”
Jason nodded enthusiastically.
Jay smiled, “She especially liked it when my curls were all poofy and combed out.”
Jason laughed again, “mine wasn’t like that, thankfully.”
And the moment Jason wasn't sad anymore was when the tears came back full force. He tried to control them as best as he could but they just ran down his face one after the other as he quietly gazed at mom's headstone, the vision blurry and obscured. Jay gave him a side hug and gazed with him.
“Do you think she's getting high in heaven?" He blurted, tasting a salty tear on his tongue. “Sorry, sorry! That was wro—”
“I think she's doing whatever makes her happy. Maybe she's watching the Great British bake off right now.”
“Shes already seen that four times,” Jason said fondly.
“Mhm. Well, they probably made extra episodes for her up there. You like baking?
“I guess it's alright. Must be better with all the ingredients and a working oven though.”
“Alfred has a good recipe for carrot cake. He and I worked on it so many times to make it taste like mom's. We can…make it together some time?”
Jason looked at the ground. On her better days, she'd ask to use the neighbor's oven and save ingredients so she could bake with Jason. That was a long time ago, though. Even when she was still alive. “I'd like that.”
Jason clasped his hands together and shut his eyes tight. Dear God, if you're up there or something please send this message to my mom. Her name is Catherine Todd by the way.:
Hi mom! It's Jason. (Her memory wasn't the best when she was high)
I'm your kid from another universe I think. I really miss you and I hope I can see you again one day. I'm happier now sometimes but I'm always going to miss you. Older me is tolerable and Bruce is fine too. I want you to meet my brothers one day as well. Please make sure to eat as much as you can up there and stuff. I'm still praying sometimes in case you're worried. I'm going to visit you as much as Bruce will let me, okay?
The drive back home was equally as silent until half way through, Jay yelled, “Stop the car!”
“What?” Bruce said.
“I said stop the fucking car, Bruce!” Jay barked out rudely. Jason cowered a little but Bruce just brought the car to a gentle stop. Both old-Bruce and Willis shared the same trait—on the rare occasions they drove Jason somewhere, and on the common occasion they were upset, they liked to speed up the car so fast it’d feel like Jason’s heart would burst open.
Personally, Jason didn't feel like older him had to be so rude to Bruce. Especially because he drove them this whole way and back so nicely when he likely had stuff to do. But he remained silent because didn't want to upset Jay. He wouldn't put it past his older self to beat him up. After all, Jason on many occasions wanted to beat himself up too.
While they waited for Jay, Jason spoke up, “Thank you for taking me there and back, sir.”
He added that last word in as an image of Damian's anxious face randomly flashed into his head.
“No problem, chum. We can go whenever you want.”
“...tomorrow?” Jason ventured, bracing for a strike.
“I don't see why not.”
Jason smiled. It was an odd expression of his—more relieved than happy, “Thank you, sir.”
Jay came back some time later to place some plucked daffodils on Jason's lap. No words were exchanged but the knowing look they shared said everything that needed to be said. Jason ran his fingers up and down the soft stems and softer petals for the remainder of the ride.
Bruce looked at the two of them and smiled, but Jay shot a glare back. “Jesus, Bruce. Some cologne choice.”
Jason stifled a laugh—he was thinking the same thing along the way but he wasnt as suicidal as to mention it, or even to allow himself to think it. His heart raced as he searched Bruce's side profile for any hint of anger. But Bruce didn't yell or reach his hands out or anything.
He instead asked Jason if the smell was alright. He mumbled a “yes, sir” because he wasn't stupid unlike his older self.
Bruce just gave a gentle nod but kept the window slightly open for the drive home.
The ride became more talkative with Jay and Bruce speaking normally again about mundane things, as if Jay didn't just disrespect Bruce over and over again, while Jason listened. Perhaps this Bruce was slow(er) to anger. Jason could…Jason could get used to that.
He wondered what made his older self so mean, and hoped he wouldn't become like that. Being in this universe was magic because it allowed him to see his mom again. His brothers were mostly safe and the Alfred guy seemed nice enough too. And Jason could read as much as he wanted. He hadn't even been punished yet! And best of all, he could see his mom again tomorrow too.
Yes, there was a lot here he could get used to.