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Buck was starting to feel like he was going crazy. Maybe mad. He knew he had put away at least five T-shirts in his drawer last week, and now there were only three. Maybe it was just early. He hasn’t had enough caffeine. The coffee cup was on top of the dresser, already empty, and it wasn’t even 9 am.
Buck knew his house had been a bit out of order since Theo moved in, but didn’t realize it was this bad. Okay, there were crayon marks on walls and bath toys in his shower, and a bucket of toys in Theo’s room was always overflowing, but not in a “I’m losing my mind, it’s so crazy” way. He was already running late to drop Theo off at preschool, so he made a quick note on his phone to look for his extra shirts in the laundry before his next shift and left the room. Or maybe he would ask Eddie when he got home later, right, home. Because Eddie lived there now.
It was originally supposed to be temporary, a bit of help when Buck and Theo needed it, but had turned into so much more. A quiet “I’m gay” confession from Eddie. A midnight love confession. Their first real kiss, secretly in the backyard while Chris and Theo were fast asleep inside. It had silently meant everything had, finally, changed.
In their bubble of happiness, both Buck and Eddie knew what it meant for their larger circles, knew they would immediately be tossed into the Hard Conversations, confrontations with parents, siblings, and the endless “torture” from the 118 and friends. Eddie wasn’t ready to come out to the group yet, not that he was unsure how they would react, but because he still needed time to understand himself and heal from so many years of questioning his own interests. Maddie would have a thousand questions for Buck, Ravi would just say “I told you so,” and explaining to Eddie’s parents was not a conversation either of them had been ready for. So, over a beer, the Dodgers game, and a pinky promise, they had made a vow that it was going to be a secret, at least for a little while. Theo, too innocent and young to know, just assumed that was how Buck and Eddie always were. And Chris had just looked at the two of them, said “finally,” and returned to his computer to play his video game. With Theo asleep and Chris in their secret club, they could just be…them.
They went to work as Buck and Eddie, sometimes carpooling, sometimes not. Sometimes quietly realizing they were wearing each other's socks. Sometimes it was the quiet realization that they were alone and could glance at each other and smile while changing in the locker room, knowing that they were still in their happy bubble of love. Buck’s hands frequently found purchase around Eddie’s lower back, hugging him close, skin to skin, arms wrapped around the person he would never be able to live without again. And Eddie gently able to trace Buck’s tattoos with his fingers, feel his pulse point, and just have a minute to breathe. They had gotten good at separating quickly if interrupted, talking about a new addition to Buck’s latest fascination with tattoos or Eddie explaining to Buck how to properly fold a T-shirt (Buck somehow still did not understand the concept of folding in thirds; it was hard, alright?). They were both genuinely happy — a feeling that somehow felt strange to them at first. The rest of the 118 were overjoyed to see Buck finally happy, assuming he was in therapy (he actually was) and loving life as a new father figure to Theo. And Eddie was really moving on from New Mexico, the loss of Shannon, and everything he constantly carried. While he still hadn’t come out to the group, he felt lighter knowing that there were answers for how he was feeling and carried himself with more joy.
Pulling himself from his own daydreams, Buck left his room, resolving to think about the missing t-shirts later. Navigating around the endless swarm of duffle bags, backpacks, shoes, and jackets, he grabbed Theo’s backpack off the hook where it hung in the mudroom, throwing a hoodie over his head. “Theo, bub, we gotta get going!”
The crazed, four-year-old voice that responded never failed to make Buck smile. “I’m coming! Can I bring my race cars with me today?” At lightning speed, Theo came flying into the room, complete with a matching hoodie like Buck’s, and barreled into Buck’s legs, almost knocking the wind out of him.
-
“Hey, you’re home.” Eddie smiled, sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee and an iPad in front of him. In the last two weeks, Eddie had gotten addicted to playing some digital Farming game, complete with his own crops, managing the tractors, machines, and growing retail business. Several times, Buck had had to practically hide the iPad from Eddie (maybe as a joke, but maybe to limit Eddie’s distraction from…other things. IYKYK.)
Buck leaned down to kiss Eddie, a smile forming on his lips as they touched and murmured, “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t feel real, and then I wake up to your arms and legs wrapped in every way around me like a wrestling hold.” Eddie smiled back. “But I won’t lie, I kinda love it.”
Buck laughed back, grabbing his own ‘World's Best Firefighter’ coffee mug that Theo had given him, pouring it full with coffee and just a “blub” of oat milk, as Theo called it.
“So, I shouldn’t apologize? You’re just so WARM.” Buck threw his head back with a smile. “And I swear I turn into an ice cube the minute the sun goes down. But don’t say I didn’t warn you about my sleep clinginess! A guy needs warmth.”
“Sleep clinginess? What, we’re making up words now?” Eddie teased, scooting over on the massive brown leather couch to allow room for Buck to join him.
“I just drove a four-year-old through LA traffic to preschool, where I was once again Mr Firefighter Buck to a bunch of insane children. I deserve to make up words.” Buck leaned into his boyfriend and relaxed his head into Eddie’s shoulder. “You should have heard Theo talking about you this morning; he couldn’t stop telling me about how you took him to ‘the big store with the cool toys’ yesterday. And this whole time, he’s going on and on, and I’m trying to think of what store you took him to, and I finally realized - he was talking about Target.”
Eddie reached his arm around Buck, gently running it up and down, allowing Buck to settle into Eddie even more. “You know, I realized my mistake the minute I explained the dollar section to him. And I mean this in the nicest way, Buckley, but he is absolutely your child.”
Buck erupted in laughter, his whole body shaking as he said through borderline hiccups, “That is the nicest and meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“You love me, though.”
“I do.”
“And you love me, even when I offer to bring Theo to the station after school tomorrow so he can look around.”
“Hmmm—” Buck laughed a little. “Do we have a choice? How fast can Amazon deliver one of those child leashes? Or do they sell them at ‘the big store with the cool toys?’” He mocked, “I don’t know if you remember the first time he was there, but I spent an hour chasing him around to be in old man pain the rest of the week!”
“Buck, you’re 33.”
“You can laugh, Diaz, but when you start cracking and popping every time you get up off the ground, you’ll understand how it feels,” Buck said, kicking his feet up onto the couch, settling a pillow and his head into Eddie’s lap. “Now, go back to your corn growing game or whatever it is. This old man needs a fat nap.”
Eddie chuckled, “You are the only person I know who can drink three cups of coffee and then promptly fall asleep.”
Murmuring through the drifts of sleep, Buck sleepily grinned, “But you love me.”
“I do.”
-
Buck was pulled from his sleep to the feeling of fingers threading through his curls, a habit Eddie had formed since they had started sleeping together. Buck had found that Eddie had a bit of a…fixation with Buck’s curls. He loved the freshly showered, wet mop of hair on Buck’s head and loved to just coil the soft locks around his fingers. And Buck? He wouldn’t be lying if he said that he loved it. Eyes closed, he basked in the soft, comforting touch that was akin to someone rubbing his back or holding his hand, a gentle reminder of someone always being there, someone who wanted to touch him too, someone who was his.
The hand quietly moved to Buck’s wrist, the feeling of two fingers right on his pulse point, checking. A habit Buck had never admitted to Eddie that he knew about. Eddie’s silent way of checking to make sure Buck was still there, Eddie’s silent reassurance to himself that Buck was real. The fingers slipped back away, returning to mindlessly curl a piece of hair, again and again. Buck drifted back to sleep, comfortable, quiet, happy.
Buck didn’t know how long it had been when Eddie’s voice whispered, “Hey, sleepyhead. It’s time to get up. It’s almost 3.”
Buck burrowed into the oh-so-perfectly soft, cold pillow on Eddie’s lap more, his voice groggy from sleep. “Mmm, 5 more minutes. Not time for school yet.”
“We have to pick up Theo soon.”
Buck quietly shook with laughter. “Oh, right. I don’t have to go to school.”
Eddie laughed, “The nap hit so good that you forgot where you were again, didn’t you?”
“That is correct,” Buck said, finally hauling himself to a seated position.
After a brief pause, Eddie said quietly, “As long as you don’t think you’re in New Mexico again.”
“Hey,” Buck turned his head to look in Eddie’s eyes, “how many times do I have to tell you, with you here, with me, by me, I’m safe. I’m home. I’m not there.”
“But you still dream about it,” Eddie said matter-of-factly.
“Well, Mr ‘Therapy is so important to digest your trauma’ Diaz, Joe did say it would take a while to stop happening. So as long as I’m safe,” Buck interlaced his fingers with Eddie’s. “With you, I’ll be alright. You didn’t play your farming game the entire time I was asleep, did you? Please tell me you didn’t put your iPad in my head again. I couldn’t figure out if that was a dream or not for weeks.”
“Fell asleep too for a bit,” Eddie stretched, “I’ll just make sure to remind you later, when you decide to use me as a pillow again.”
“In my defense, you make a really good pillow.”
The domestic routine that the two had fallen into had started in the first moments of their relationship: boys dropped off at school, a day off to “get stuff done around the house,” which was really just code for “be absolutely physically attached in every single way in the privacy of our own home with no one watching.” It was unspoken, but the happiest either of the two had ever been.
Finally, sleepiness washed from their faces, and with a bag piled high with snacks, the two left in Buck’s truck to pick up the youngest member of their family from his adventure of the day at pre-school. They never knew what they were walking into, picking Theo up, whether he had heard that babies come from a “bird in the sky” or if “tigers and leopards were sister and brother animals.” But every day was something different.
Buck knew that Eddie really didn’t like to drive in LA traffic, his patience thin and restless, which always meant Buck drove and waited in the pick-up line, while Eddie went into the school to grab Theo. Eddie had mentioned it in passing to Buck once: a distaste for driving in traffic, the inability to look at his phone if Chris called or texted, and at that moment, Buck had made a silent note to always drive, so Eddie could just breathe for once.
When Theo had been enrolled at this pre-school, after hours of countless research from Buck, the decision to immediately put Eddie’s name as an emergency contact and alternate pick-up person was obvious. With paperwork, appointments, and meetings with the agency that helped place Theo, Buck had immediately needed an extra person to help. He never wanted Theo to wait or feel like he was waiting. He never wanted Theo to wonder if he had been left or abandoned, because Buck knew what that felt like and wasn’t willing to ever let that happen to Theo. Truthfully, Buck loved the security measures this school took; from keycard entry to rigorously researched staff, there was no doubt in his mind that Theo was safe there. He had even had Athena do a full deep dive just in case and was thankful to hear the school only received top marks. And knowing how quick Theo was to bolt when he saw something shiny, it was one less thing to worry about for Buck, who already “worried like a Mother Goose “ according to Chimney. (Chimney was right.)
The car door opened, Theo barreled into the truck, and yelled, “Hi Buck!” Buck reached back for his obligatory fist pound, which he hoped would eventually turn into their own secret handshake one day.
Buck looked at Theo in the rearview mirror as Eddie climbed into the truck, smiling as he said, “How was your day today, little man?”
“Good! I had show and tell; it was my turn!”
“Oh.” Another thing Buck had forgotten, he looked at Eddie. “Were we supposed to bring something?”
Eddie cleared his throat and hauled Theo’s backpack up to his lap. “T Money, should we show your Buck what you brought?”
Laughing, Buck looked at Eddie. “T Money?”
“We’re trying out nicknames. He thought Teddy Bear sounded too-“
Theo squealed in the backseat, “It sounds like a baby, Eddie!”
“Okay, okay. Theodore,” Eddie said then, “can you show Buck what you brought for show and tell?”
“Duh! And then we can get ice cream again?”
Buck laughed and said, “No ice cream!” then, under his breath, only to Eddie, “We both know we do not have that kind of energy today.” Then, back to Theo, “Remember what Eddie promised you yesterday?”
“We’re going to the firehouse!” Theo squealed, but instantly was distracted by something out the window as his mouth formed in an O shape and the look of concentration appeared
“You wanna know what he brought to show and tell?” Eddie reached into Theo’s backpack. “This.”
Eddie’s hands held one of Buck’s (missing) LAFD T-shirts, his name across the back. “Ms Hailey told me that he has brought one to class every single day this week. And likes to wear them around the classroom.”
“So that would explain why I think I’m going insane.” Buck tapped his hands on the steering wheel.
Eddie gestured with his hand as if to say, explain.
“Alright, so hear me out, I swear I washed all of them, folded them in the drawer like last night…or maybe two nights ago. Time isn’t real anymore. Anyways, yours and mine. And I even folded them in thirds JUST to make you happy. And now this morning, I go to look, and half are missing.”
“Well now you know,” Eddie’s hand reached back in to pull out several more crumpled T-shirts, “they were all shoved in his cubby. Might wanna wash them again; they smell like chicken nuggets and ketchup.”
The K word triggered Theo, who suddenly perked up in the backseat, asking loudly, “Does this mean we are getting McDonald's?”
Both Buck and Eddie laughed, a shared glance that this was just an average day with Theo in their family mix. “No, bud, not today! But I heard what you brought for show and tell today?” Buck asked, checking the rear-view mirror to see Theo smiling.
Theo’s smile got bigger as he said, “I had to show them why my Buck is the best in the entire world!” And Buck’s heart soared.
-
And so it became a tradition: each week, Buck or Eddie would sort through Theo’s backpack, finding two or three LAFD shirts, immediately tossing them into the laundry when they got home. Neither one of them had figured out how and when Theo had managed to find them; the youngest member of their family unit had a habit of running around their house until Buck or Eddie finally just gave up and plopped on the couch, exhausted, while Theo “got out all of his zoomies” and Chris just laughed in the corner at how much energy Theo had.
At the same time, Theo’s fascination with all things firefighters grew and grew. Buck and Eddie’s days off turned into a weekly visit with Theo to the 118, exploring the trucks, looking inside the ambulances, and learning about the equipment. Even though Buck and Eddie were off duty those days, watching Theo explore and learn about their world. Eddie would show him all of the different tools and machines inside the ambulance, showing Theo how he kept people safe and made them feel better. Buck would help him slide down the fire pole, dress Theo in his turnouts, and let the preschooler run out some of his energy. It had almost become kind of therapeutic for them, as they told Theo of some of their calls or funny stories about their friends, renewing their passion for being firefighters in their hearts.
At home, Theo’s passion for all things emergency grew into somewhat of an obsession too. Fire truck t-shirts, insisting on wearing Buck’s LAFD t-shirts to sleep or to walk around in, a fake plastic firefighter helmet atop his head while he colored or watched videos on YouTube with Chris.
-
At night, after Theo and Chris had gone to bed, Eddie and Buck often found themselves wrapped in each other's arms, laughing about how they ended up with a family unit so perfect and loving. How Theo would help Chris with just about anything — from chores to finding inventive ways for Chris to play with him made Buck’s heart soar. And how Chris mentored and cared for Theo, whether it was explaining calmly why Buck or Eddie would come home with scrapes or bruises.
Even when Buck had gotten a mild concussion, his helmet cracked from a building collapse, Chris had been there to explain to Theo why Buck needed to rest in his room in the dark, gently explaining that it was only temporary and things would get better. That night had been scary as Theo experienced Buck getting injured for the first time, immediately throwing the four-year-old into a cluster of fear and uncertainty. When Maddie and Chris had picked Theo up from school as Buck got checked at the ER (Eddie at his side, of course), Theo had instantly started asking if Buck had left him too, like his parents. Maddie had recalled the conversation to Eddie later that evening, explaining how Chris really had become the older brother figure Theo needed. She had tried to ask Buck how much time they were spending together, but thankfully, with the excuse of a mild concussion and throbbing headache, Buck had easily evaded the larger conversation she was attempting to have as she dropped the boys at home with Buck and Eddie.
This time, there was the built-in excuse that Eddie didn’t want Buck to be alone, a built-in excuse that someone should be there to take care of Theo. A built-in excuse that Buck would absolutely overdo it if no one stopped him. To the rest of the 118 and family, it felt like just best friends and partners who helped each other after a scary incident, but to Eddie and Buck, it was just normal life.
It was normal life for Eddie to know which side of the bed Buck would want to be on, placing Zofran, Gatorade, and Water on the nightstand before even asking. It was normal life for Buck to know Eddie would stay with him (at least until he fell asleep), letting him fall asleep on Eddie’s chest. And it was normal life to know that Chris and Theo were happily sitting at the kitchen table, doing their homework, coloring, and eating their favorite after-school snacks.
A couple of days went by like this — where Maddie would pick up the boys, drop them off, Eddie either working or home, while Buck recovered in the dark. Theo would crawl quietly, most of the time in one of Buck’s LAFD T-shirts, into Buck’s bed to say hi, promptly wrapping his arms around “his Buck” and either quietly sharing about his day or falling asleep too. Eddie would come into the bedroom to find the two nestled into each other, enjoying the moment that Theo knew Buck would always be there and Buck (who may not totally remember the days prior) would always be there for Theo.
Finally, an all-clear from Buck’s doctor to resume light to normal activities (no driving, light screen time; he was already getting a bit antsy) meant that the 118 was ready to celebrate Buck being alright, a party thrown at his house in his honor.
The 118 filed into his house, back doors thrown open, a fire already burning in the fire pit. Maddie, Chimney, Jee, and little Nash had brought Italian food; Hen, Karen, Denny, and Mara arrived with s’mores supplies, and as Ravi, Harry, May, and Athena joined, coolers with water, soda, juice, beer, and wine were added. No one mentioned that Eddie and Chris were already there, stocking the fire pit with the wood Buck always bought. No one mentioned that Chris’ homework sat on a pile on the kitchen table. It was the norm for them to see Eddie and Chris at Buck’s, especially knowing how Eddie was about concussion protocol.
But what took them by surprise was Theo, flying out of Buck’s room, pulling an adult-sized T-shirt over his head - promptly telling everyone that he was going to be a firefighter growing up. He spun to grab his helmet from the shelf where it had lain, and across the back, “DIAZ” in big, white ink.
Buck, who was sitting on the ground with Nash, continued to read the book in his hand, completely ignorant of what was unfolding around him.
Eddie, who was talking to Chimney about a call they had last week, was also completely ignorant of what was unfolding around him.
Maddie glanced at Buck — then out the door at Eddie. And quietly said to Hen, “Do you think…”
Hen looked down at Theo, who had continued to play with his firetrucks near their feet. “Eddie does get a little overprotective with Buck, so maybe just… mixed up laundry while they’ve been crashing here?”
“My Eddie and My Buck sleep together!” He said happily and then went back to the sounds of his firetruck, as it pulled up to a fake toy car crash he had created moments earlier.
Maddie laughed, “Your Buck loves you so much and is so happy you live with him!”
“And I live with Chris and Eddie too!” Theo said, not looking up from his toys.
Maddie’s face showed skepticism, glancing at her brother. “Hey Buck, can I grab you and Nash for a diaper change?”
“Oop, yep, good call.” He said, hoisting Nash up from the grunt.
Eddie’s voice called over the crowd, “Buck, stop acting like an old man; you’re 33.”
“And you won’t let me forget it!” Buck laughed back. “We can change him on my bed; if that works, it’s easier than the floor.” Leading the way into his bedroom, he didn’t think twice about what was behind the door.
“Jeez, Buck, you are really getting old. If you don’t even want to change your nephew on the ground.”
Maddie turned to follow, walked into Buck’s room and just…noticed.
Eddie’s phone and watch chargers next to one side of the bed.
Eddie’s small collection of watches on the dresser.
Two toothbrushes in the same cup in the en-suite bathroom.
Maddie looked around, then at Buck. “Okay, he doesn’t actually need a clean diaper. But Theo said something and now I just…I know I asked you this before—“
“Is this about Eddie?”
“Buck, is he living with you?”
“Yes.”
“Are you in love with him?”
Buck said with a smile, “Yes.”
“Oh jeez, Buck,” Maddie’s sympathetic voice said quietly, her eyebrows furrowed with concern. “And now he’s living with you?”
Buck turned back to her, his smile growing wider than before. “No, he’s in love with me too.”
Maddie’s face went into complete shock at the same time there was a knock at the door. “Hey, it’s Eddie, can I come in?”
Maddie yanked the door open, grabbing Eddie’s arm and pulling him into the large bedroom. “Alright, Diaz, what are your intentions with my baby brother?” She joked.
Eddie looked at Buck, who looked at Maddie. Buck said quietly, “She figured it out. I didn’t break the pinky promise.”
Eddie laughed, “So, um, here’s the thing. Theo pretty much just told everyone we kiss a lot and hold hands a lot…so I think maybe…”
“Theo was the one to break the pinky promise?” Buck threw his head back in laughter. “This would really only happen to us, huh?”
Maddie interrupted the two, “So it is true. How long?”
“A few months.” Buck’s arm went around Eddie’s as Eddie’s returned to its rightful spot behind Buck’s back. “It just kind of happened. Eddie was helping with Theo and it just…”
And Eddie finished Buck’s thought, “felt like home.”