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If she had the chance, Mutsumi was going to get out of her house for as long as she possibly could.
Over the last few days, Minami had been off work more often than usual. Her previous large project had just wrapped up, and she was focusing on finding the next auditions she wanted to focus on for future roles. On top of that, Takafumi was on a break from his comedy tours across the country, so both of Mutsumi’s parents were at the Wakaba mansion at the same time. That was rare these days, and Mutsumi had grown used to it only being her. Suddenly having other people she needed to watch out for felt… Jarring.
She couldn’t say she liked being home alone, but she certainly preferred it to running the risk of encountering Minami or Takafumi. Mutsumi didn’t know how to handle it when Minami offered her a strained smile that did nothing to hide the truth of her negative emotions toward her daughter. She wasn’t sure of what to do when Takafumi greeted her kindly either even though he hadn’t spoken to her directly in weeks. Mutsumi found herself spending even more time in her room than usual in an effort to avoid them, hoping that would be enough to keep her out of the danger that came with almost encountering her parents.
Mutsumi spent more than enough time in her room when Minami and Takafumi were busy though. If she was at home, she was probably in her room or in the basement since those were the two places her parents were least likely to be. When she couldn’t rely on her basement haven, Mutsumi grew restless, and she knew she had to find a way to get out of the house. She wasn’t sure of where to go though. She didn’t want to get gawked at the instant she stepped outside, something that always seemed to happen even when she tried to keep her head down. Even so, staring only at the four walls of her bedroom was getting to be too much for her. Surely there had to be another place for her to go that wouldn’t leave her feeling like she was on the verge of losing her mind…
Mortis certainly thought so, and with a sudden gasp and a bright grin, she reached for their phone and started to type out a message. Mutsumi barely saw who the text was directed to before Mortis had sent it across with a beaming smile. When Ave Mujica was split up, Mortis had grown close with Umiri because she wanted to learn how to play the guitar. Umiri may not have played the exact same instrument as Mutsumi, but she had known enough to be able to guide Mortis in the right direction. Mortis still savored the time they had spent together back then even though Ave Mujica had been reunited for months. She hadn’t asked to go back to Umiri’s apartment again since there hadn’t ever been a need…
But today certainly seemed to fit the description of having found a need to return. Mutsumi felt horrible about being at home, and yet, she really needed to get out of the house. Mortis knew Mutsumi was ruminating and suffering because they had been in close proximity with their parents for the last few days, and the best way to fix that was a change of scenery. Umiri’s apartment may not have fit the definition of homey or cozy most other people would have given, but Mortis had a special nostalgia for it. She didn’t know if Mutsumi was going to feel the same way, but she would figure it out soon enough. Even if Mutsumi wasn’t as big of a fan of Umiri’s apartment, Mortis knew it would be fine. It was still a way for them to get out of their own head for a while, and that made it more than worth it for both of them.
Umiri responded quickly to Mortis’ text, revealing she was at her apartment doing little other than practicing for Ave Mujica’s next concert on her own. Mortis took that as her cue to set out, so she gathered her things, pulled her guitar onto her back, and then darted out of the Wakaba mansion as quickly as she could. Through some miracle, Mortis managed to get to the front door without being caught by any of the other people in the house. She could have left a note or called out that she was leaving, but she found she didn’t care enough to bother. She doubted Minami or Takafumi would ask about her in the first place. Even if they did, Mortis wouldn’t want to talk to them long enough to explain what she was getting up to.
Mutsumi sighed in relief once she was outside. She had gotten a bit stuck in her head in her room, feeling crushed by the space she loved so dearly. Mutsumi was a bit of a homebody at times, but that didn’t mean she wanted to be locked away in her room all the time. In fact, that seemed to be a recipe for rumination, and Mortis knew it very well. Mutsumi wouldn’t be able to think too hard about how miserable she was as long as she was going to visit Umiri though. They would have all sorts of other things to talk about when she got there…
Or maybe they wouldn’t talk at all. That was an option too. Mutsumi and Umiri had spent a little bit of time together, but they weren’t the most talkative in the world. They tended to fall into comfortable silence when they were the only ones in the room. If either one of them was going to talk, then it was because Mortis started the conversation with her boundless enthusiasm. Mutsumi wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk to Umiri or just sit in her company, but she supposed it didn’t matter much for the time being. She could see how Umiri was feeling when she got there… Though if Umiri’s excitement at the thought of her coming over was anything to go by, Mutsumi was sure Umiri was going to be interested in at least a brief conversation.
Even ages after Mortis last went to Umiri’s apartment, she still had the path there memorized perfectly. Mortis hummed and skipped up to the door, jostling her guitar on her back. Mutsumi could tell by Mortis’ bright smile that she had needed the chance to get out of the house just as much as she did. Mortis proved her excitement by knocking eagerly on Umiri’s front door. “Umiri-chan!” Mortis called out through the door, not caring which of Umiri’s neighbors happened to overhear her. Mutsumi winced at the noise, not wanting to attract any unnecessary attention, but it didn’t show openly because of how strong Mortis’ grip on their body was.
Umiri opened the door a moment later. She was wearing considerably more casual clothing than Mutsumi was used to seeing her in, having traded her ordinary leather jacket for a loose t-shirt that nearly completely hid her loose shorts from view. “Come in,” Umiri said with a nod, pulling the door open enough for Mutsumi and Mortis to slip inside. Mortis nodded eagerly and walked into the apartment as Umiri locked the door behind her.
Mutsumi looked around the room with a small hum on her lips. She remembered vaguely what the apartment looked like from her shared memories with Mortis, but she wouldn’t say her recollections were at all clear. Back in those days, Mutsumi and Mortis had been awful at sharing memories with one another because they had been in such fierce conflict. Since then, they had gotten better at communicating, but there were still a few gaps in Mutsumi’s understanding of Mortis’ history.
Once such gap happened to involve Mortis’ many trips to Umiri’s apartment. Mutsumi wasn’t sure of what they had gotten up to specifically, only really aware that Umiri had wanted to teach Mortis how to play Ave Mujica’s music. Mutsumi could feel the memories stirring beneath the surface as she looked around the apartment, finding the appearance of the main room was enough to distract her temporarily. It was dirtier than any place Mutsumi had ever lived in. Her room hadn’t even gotten this messy when she was in the midst of her psychotic episode… Though Mutsumi wasn’t sure that was Umiri’s fault. It seemed like the apartment complex as a whole simply wasn’t well-maintained.
Umiri was doing her best to work around that issue and make it a place a person could live regardless, and Mutsumi certainly appreciated the effort. In fact, she would have gone so far as to say Umiri’s tiny apartment was far more comfortable for her to be in than the massive mansion she had grown up in. With Umiri in her apartment, Mutsumi knew she was free to express herself as she so chose. She was still learning to open up and accept that as her reality, of course, but she felt better about trying when she was with the other members of her band. In Umiri’s apartment, Mutsumi didn’t need to worry about her father pretending they were closer than they were or her mother suddenly deciding to compete with her even when they didn’t have an audience to watch them. She was simply safe, and Mutsumi appreciated that greatly. It was no wonder Mortis had grown so attached to this place.
“Thank you for letting us come over,” Mutsumi murmured as she set her guitar down on the floor. “I like your apartment.”
Umiri seemed shocked by Mutsumi’s words, clearly having either expected Mortis or having expected for Mutsumi to complain about the fact that her apartment was very clearly not as pleasant as other people’s homes. She didn’t voice either one of those thoughts though, instead nodding with a small smile. “I’m glad you like it,” Umiri said. “I was working on a few of our songs for the next concert. Would you like to join me?”
Mutsumi nodded, already halfway through the process of pulling her guitar out of its bag. She hadn’t been able to practice as much as she would have liked recently because her parents were constantly home. Mutsumi needed to stay out of the basement since her father could have randomly decided to wander down there, and that didn’t even factor in the risk of running into someone while she was descending the steps to reach her safe place. This was a much better option for her, and Mutsumi looked forward to seeing what she was able to do with Umiri by her side. It was easier to practice when she had someone else there with her. That way, she didn’t run the risk of getting lost in her thoughts and losing her touch with the world around her.
Umiri and Mutsumi wasted no time in getting started after setting up a second chair, rehearsing their newest few songs to ensure they were in the best state they could have been for the upcoming concert. They started with ‘Sophie’ before shifting into ‘The Whole Blue World.’ Mutsumi loved both of the songs, and she was certain Umiri was enjoying them too where she sat across from Mutsumi. Umiri seemed to come alive when she was playing the bass, savoring the connection she was able to share with the rest of her companions as long as her instrument was in her hands. She was necessary to the core of Ave Mujica when she was playing the bass, and that was all Umiri had ever wanted. She needed people to want her around. She only ever truly seemed to escape her anxiety when she knew the rest of her bandmates enjoyed her company, and one way for her to express that was through her instrument.
Mutsumi hoped Umiri could feel that she was enjoying her presence now as they continued to work through the songs. Every once in a while, they would stop to go over a tricky section again, giving each other patience and quiet as they worked out what they were struggling with. Mutsumi couldn’t tell if she should be speaking up to try and start a conversation with Umiri or not, but she kept deciding against it. She didn’t know all that much about what it was like to practice with Umiri, and she would have to make a conscious effort to comb through Mortis’ memories in order to remember what their past encounters like this had been like.
But as they played longer and longer, Mutsumi found it easier to let muscle memory guide her through the songs. She didn’t need to think quite as hard about the notes, and her mind started to wander. In the end, the subject of choice for her thoughts involved the other times Mortis had come to Umiri’s apartment to practice the guitar. Mutsumi was just glad she wasn’t thinking about everything to do with her parents being at home more often. She dug deeper as the seconds passed her by, and Mutsumi found herself slowly starting to remember what had happened between Mortis and Umiri.
More specifically, Mutsumi thought about the first time Mortis ever found herself in Umiri’s apartment for a rehearsal on the guitar. Back then, Umiri had whispered a promise in Mortis’ ear: that she would become real. They hadn’t ever truly talked about it again after that, but Mortis had launched herself headfirst into practicing the guitar so she would be able to embrace the idea of becoming something more than an inconvenience. The rest of the world despised Mortis for some reason or another, and Mutsumi knew it made her other half sad despite Mortis’ best attempts to not let it show openly. Umiri’s promise had changed her life for the better, and Mortis still wanted to do everything in her power to become a girl others could love honestly rather than an obstacle to reaching the girl the rest of the world considered real.
The practice session continued, and Mutsumi found her lips tipping into a frown. She hadn’t known to ask Mortis much about if she felt real now compared to where she had started this journey simply because she hadn’t been aware of the conversation between her and Umiri. Now that she was thinking about it though, Mutsumi couldn’t shake her curiosity. She needed to know what Mortis thought of her attempts to become real, and she needed to know why Umiri had whispered that promise to Mortis in the first place. Perhaps Mutsumi would be intruding by asking, but she would only know if she gave herself the chance to press the point. How else was she supposed to help Mortis or Umiri if she didn’t get involved? Mutsumi was trying to get past her fears that she would mess everything up just by speaking, and the only way to do that was to find the bravery to part her lips and ask what was on her mind.
Mutsumi let out a small sigh after one last run through of ‘The Whole Blue World,’ and Umiri paused. That was the most noise Mutsumi had made in quite some time, and she could only assume that meant Mutsumi wanted to shift the direction of their rehearsal somehow. Umiri set her bass down to prompt Mutsumi to speak, knowing the other girl sometimes needed a bit of encouragement to open up when she was struggling. The other members of Ave Mujica had learned about how deep Mutsumi’s fears of ruining everything by speaking could be, and sometimes, they had to be willing to give her a nudge.
Mutsumi took the prompt for what it was, and she looked up at Umiri with an expression she hoped looked neutral. “I’ve been wondering about the conversation you had with Mortis the first time she came here,” Mutsumi confessed. “The one where you said you would be able to help her… To become real.”
Umiri seemed surprised by Mutsumi’s words, and her eyes widened. She adjusted her position slightly, though Mutsumi couldn’t tell if it was a sign of discomfort or something else. “I didn’t realize you knew about that,” Umiri confessed. “I was unaware Mortis-san had told you we discussed it.”
“I didn’t know,” Mutsumi admitted. “My memories of that time are still a little fuzzy, but–”
“I decided to share it with her just now,” Mortis cut in. So that was why Mutsumi was able to push. Mortis was giving her deliberate permission to think about everything that had transpired there in Umiri’s apartment, and the first step involved thinking about the indulgence of becoming real. “I still think about it sometimes, you know.”
Umiri’s cheeks filled with pink heat, and she looked away to stare at the ground instead. Sometimes, Mutsumi got the feeling Umiri felt every bit as clumsy with her words as Mutsumi did. She didn’t think she had ever seen more evidence to support that theory than in this moment, and it only made Mutsumi want to know more. “What did you mean when you said that?” Mutsumi asked. “Becoming real…”
If Mutsumi was honest, she didn’t understand it at all, but she wanted to reach for it all the same. She wasn’t sure if the rest of the world had ever truly thought of her as a real person with the autonomy that came with the title. She felt more like an item for others to use and twist to fit their desires. She was not a girl who others could turn to as a friend or a classmate; she was an ideal created by the blood in her veins. She was a concept that would never fulfill the potential others believed she had been given on the day she was born. Mutsumi never stood a chance at becoming what the rest of the world craved from her, and it left her soul hollow and aching. What was the point of living at all when it felt like no one was going to try and understand who she was beyond what potential she held?
“I…” Umiri began, fumbling with her words just as much. Mutsumi’s mind was spinning with her own interpretation of the promise, but she couldn’t bring herself to voice it. Not even the one who had initially spoken that fateful vow seemed to know how to articulate it, and Umiri’s fingers found one another in a nervous dance. Mutsumi had to wonder if maybe Umiri was being held back by her nerves more than anything else. Was there a chance she did know what she meant but simply couldn’t bring herself to say it now that she was out of that moment of pressure from all those months ago?
“It meant a lot to me,” Mortis suddenly announced, and Mutsumi realized she had let her guard down enough for Mortis to swoop in and take over while she was watching Umiri. Mortis had never been fond of silence, finding it unsettling when she could fill the quiet with her voice instead. It seemed she intended to fix the current awkward situation in much the same way. “I don't know if anyone had ever thought of me as real before then. When you said it, I felt like I would really be able to live for the first time. I couldn’t get it out of my head. When I was struggling to learn how to play the guitar, it kept me motivated. You did a great job of making sure I kept moving forward, Umiri-chan.”
Umiri’s cheeks only grew warmer and redder at that, and she redirected her attention down toward the ground when she couldn’t bear looking at Mortis directly anymore. “How did I do that?”
“Well, I was used to people not wanting to think about me as a person. I was more of a problem to them than anything else,” Mortis explained. “That was one of the reasons Ave Mujica broke up, wasn’t it? I was getting in the way of what everyone else was doing. I… I know everyone wanted Mutsumi-chan and that I couldn’t do anything to help fix it at the time, but… It still kind of hurt to know everybody saw me as an obstacle. I missed Mujica, and I wanted to go back to it. When you said that I could become real, it was exciting to me. I wanted people to think of me as a real person. I didn’t want to be a bother who just kept people from Mutsumi-chan forever.”
Umiri started to look up at Mortis slowly, and Mortis moved her chair closer to her, claiming Umiri’s hands in her own. Umiri’s fingers, previously locked in an anxious waltz in an impossible effort to alleviate her nerves, fell still against Mortis’ hands. “That really changed my life, Umiri-chan,” Mortis went on. “It gave me a lot of hope that things could get better. So… Thank you for doing that. It meant a lot at the time. It still means a lot that you were willing to take a chance on me.”
Umiri settled on looking at the spot where her and Mortis’ fingers met when she found it too challenging to look the other girl in the eyes. “It wasn’t as noble as you think,” Umiri admitted. “I was trying to get Ave Mujica back together by any means necessary. I needed you to agree to help me. I wasn’t listening to Wakaba-san, and… I was taking advantage of you.”
“It seems to me like you missed me,” Mortis smiled. “Or you missed the rest of the band. You care a lot about the rest of us. Anyone can see that. I think that’s why you did it. I guess we’re just going to have to agree to disagree on that, huh?”
Umiri hummed, clearly not convinced by Mortis’ words in the slightest. Mutsumi wasn’t sure if she should have left it up to Mortis or if she should have been trying to say something, but she quickly found she couldn’t bear just sitting there. “Why was that the first thought you had when it came to convincing Mortis?” Mutsumi asked. “It must have come from something. Why did you think about it that way?”
Umiri hesitated once more, her eyes falling shut. She seemed like part of her wanted to be anywhere but there, but she didn’t pull away either. She craved the contact just as much as she feared it, Mutsumi recognized. That was how Mutsumi had felt a number of times in the past too. She wanted other people to care about her and learn more about her, but she was terrified of what it was going to lead to all the same. CRYCHIC had been beautiful for Mutsumi, but it had been unsettling to her simultaneously because she wasn’t used to that connection. She hoped she would one day be able to move past that fear to enjoy her life honestly, but until then, all she could do was sit with Umiri and wait for the other girl to speak.
“I never felt like I was real either,” Umiri confessed. “I was in thirty bands at the same time, but I never had the chance to connect with any of them. I never let myself connect with any of them. My first band abandoned me when I thought we were going to start a new chapter of our lives and of our career together. After that, the idea of getting close to anyone else was too much for me to stand…”
“Until Ave Mujica,” Mutsumi finished for her, and Umiri nodded. “You wanted to have the chance to connect with us all on a personal level rather than just a business one.” It was a deeply familiar urge to Mutsumi. Multiple times throughout her life, she had wished she could shed the history she had been given by her parents and start over as someone nobody had ever known before. Mutsumi had a few friends who saw her as a person, and she greatly appreciated them. Still, the rest of the world seemed more than happy to put her on a pedestal for the sake of their entertainment. It never fostered healthy connections, and when Mutsumi thought about it that way, it was no wonder her mind had created Mortis and their other roles to keep her company.
“Yeah,” Umiri confirmed. “I hadn’t gotten attached to a band that way in years. When Togawa-san promised we would be a band for the rest of our lives… It spoke to me. I wanted that for as long as I could have it, and I needed to get it back. I needed that connection back.”
“I guess none of us have ever really felt real then,” Mortis concluded with a small frown. “No one ever thought of me as anything but an inconvenience getting in the way of seeing Mutsumi-chan. You were never able to bond with anybody and feel safe with them. Mutsumi-chan was always separated from the world because people were so focused on her parents that they didn’t see her.” Mortis offered Umiri a small smile. “I guess it’s no wonder that promise wound up working so well to keep us together.”
Umiri nodded slowly, her fears starting to unravel as she heard that Mutsumi and Mortis weren’t upset with her for the way she had behaved toward them. She let out a small sigh, running her fingers over Mutsumi and Mortis’ knuckles. This was the closest they had ever gotten to one another physically, and Mutsumi found it… Soothing. She thought Umiri’s presence was grounding and powerful, and she was glad to know Umiri was able to relax around her. They truly had found something special in Ave Mujica, hadn’t they? As long as they were committed to staying with the rest of their band, they would be able to treasure their relationship with one another and with the others that surrounded them. The journey to get there may not have been an easy one, but they were glad to have made it to the end all the same.
“Talking to other people has always been hard for me,” Mutsumi confessed. She wasn’t entirely sure of where the words were coming from since she didn’t remember giving her lips the command to move. Perhaps it was something her mind simply knew she had to express, or maybe it was one of the other roles on her stage trying to communicate what she had spent so many years fighting to suppress. Regardless, the result was the same. “I felt like they always wanted something I couldn’t give them. I felt like I was going to mess it up no matter what.”
Umiri hummed in understanding, continuing to focus on their interwoven hands so she didn’t have to risk something as vulnerable as meeting Mutsumi and Mortis’ eyes. “I never understood why the rest of my first band left me behind,” she admitted. “At least, I didn’t at the time. It took a while for me to realize they thought I was too intense. They didn’t like being around me the way I liked being around them. Getting hurt like that was…”
“It was too much to think about, wasn’t it?” Mortis finished for her, and Umiri nodded, the motion so small that anyone more than a few steps away wouldn’t have been able to see it at all. “I know what you mean. It’s hard when… When there’s nothing you can really do to make people happy.” Mortis had failed to do anything to save Ave Mujica when the rest of the band needed her to step up the most. She wanted to preserve the band in Mutsumi’s name, but in the end, it had been because Mortis was there that everything splintered apart. At the very least, that was how she saw it in her darkest moments.
Mutsumi, meanwhile, had never been able to express herself in the ways that mattered most. Even when she was desperate to convey what was going through her head, she couldn’t make her words cooperate. She couldn’t make other people understand how she felt about them or how much she cared. Her friendships were few and far between because of her fear of failure and because of how the world saw her even when she was silent. That was one reason Mortis had been so desperate to preserve Ave Mujica; she needed to make sure there was somewhere Mutsumi was able to feel safe in a world that fought so hard to hurt her.
There was only so much any of the three of them could do when it seemed like the world was pushing back on their attempts at connection. They were simply different from those around them when it came to their chosen methods of communication and expression, putting up walls they could never hope to tear down. They needed to be understood, but how could they start when they couldn’t find anyone who was willing to take a chance on them? They were too much and not enough simultaneously, and the world could never quite convey what it needed most from them. How could they change when they didn’t know what they needed to alter in order to fit the desires of those around them?
It was no wonder they had wound up in Ave Mujica together. Sakiko had recruited them both for their skill, but Mutsumi and Umiri had resonated with the concept behind the band too. They had learned about the dolls who could never be real or human, and they had felt something within their souls ache with a comprehension no one had afforded them for years. They finally had a chance to chase what they needed most thanks to their current band. If Ave Mujica was to be together for life, then they would be able to guarantee the rest of their bandmates would be there for them forever.
The wounds of the past were not so easily erased though, and even there in Umiri’s apartment with their hands locked so tightly, Mutsumi, Mortis, and Umiri all still had walls built high around their hearts. How could they not? The world had taught them harsh lessons years prior, and it would take more time than they had been given to fix what had been broken inside of them.
“I’m glad things have changed in Mujica since then,” Mortis declared, shattering the silence and focusing everyone in the room back on the matter at hand. “Back when we first disbanded, I thought everybody was going to hate me forever, but things have gotten a lot better. I don’t think anyone thinks of me as a bother now the way they used to.” She finished the thought with a laugh even though she knew nothing about it was truly funny. It hadn’t been entertaining in the slightest when she was isolating herself from the world in an effort to find some sense of purpose in the pain she had endured. All it had done was hurt her, and it was a miracle things had changed since then given how bad the initial sting was.
“I feel the same way,” Umiri nodded. “It took me some time to realize we hadn’t been treating you fairly, but I’m glad I got there in the end. You’re just as much of a member of the band now as the rest of us.”
“I’m glad you think so!” Mortis grinned, pulling in Umiri’s hands closer to her chest so the other girl had no choice but to lean in toward her. Umiri stared at Mortis in shock, and while Mortis could have taken that as her cue to lay off and give Umiri a bit of space, she got the feeling Umiri needed this just as much as she did. Umiri had felt lonely for a long time too, but in moments like this, Mortis could show that she cherished having Umiri by her side. Actions could speak volumes in times when words failed, after all.
Umiri closed her eyes and pulled her hands back just a little bit, and Mortis pretended she didn’t miss the proximity to her friend as soon as it had faded. Umiri was still there, but it didn’t feel like enough when they had been so close just moments prior. “None of my other bands made me feel the same way Ave Mujica did,” she admitted. “I’ve been in many bands before, but none of my bonds with the members… They never felt as strong as what I feel now for Mujica. It’s a high unlike anything I’ve felt before. It may not be what I expected when I first joined, but…”
“It’s what you need now,” Mutsumi finished for her, and Umiri nodded. Sakiko had known what she was doing when she selected the other members of the group; every one of them truly was dedicated to spending the rest of their lives as one of the dolls of the masquerade. Even now that they had evolved from dolls into knights, that fact remained. They would defend their ideals and the safe place they had carved out together. The rest of the world would do everything in its power to tear them apart and destroy them, but they were safe as long as they remained united beneath their common banner.
Umiri nodded, and Mutsumi found herself humming softly in thought. When she first joined Ave Mujica, it had largely been for the sake of helping Sakiko to recover from the pain of the past. If Sakiko wanted to forget and move forward, then Mutsumi would give her the support she needed to press on. Mutsumi resonated with the themes behind the group, but the personal attachment simply hadn’t been there in the band’s earliest days. Given that she hadn’t met Umiri, Nyamu, or Uika before Sakiko introduced them to her, Mutsumi supposed that was to be expected. It took time to build connections like that, but now that the necessary time had gone by…
Mutsumi knew she belonged there. She could not return to the golden glory days of CRYCHIC, but she had a new place to call home instead. The members of Ave Mujica may have started out as accomplices to the same crime and badgers in the same hole, but they were much more than that now. Mutsumi would not have been chasing the closeness and kindness she could find in Umiri’s eyes if that was all they were meant to be to each other. Mutsumi would not have fled from the Wakaba mansion to go to visit Umiri if they were little more than acquaintances.
“Now that things are better between everyone, I think I feel more comfortable with Ave Mujica than with my own family,” Mortis admitted, though she knew deep down that there was no uncertainty about it. She did enjoy being with the rest of Ave Mujica far more than her parents. It was obvious to anyone who spent any time with her at all. “I’m having a great time being here with you, but I think I’d be miserable if I was back at home right about now.”
Umiri watched Mortis for a long moment, not seeming to see the humor in the situation even when Mortis started laughing at her final sentence. “You don’t talk about your parents very often,” Umiri said flatly. “I don’t know much about them. I don’t keep up with those sorts of things. I don’t care for what the press has to say about celebrities.”
“It’s refreshing to hear you say that,” Mutsumi confessed. When she and Umiri first met to talk about their plans to join Ave Mujica, Mutsumi had found it wonderful to learn just how out of touch with modern celebrity culture Umiri was. She knew about music, of course, but she couldn’t have cared less about who Mutsumi’s parents were when she began to play the guitar instead. Even when Mutsumi hadn’t been sure about joining Ave Mujica, she took comfort in sharing her time with Umiri. She liked to think Umiri had enjoyed being around her back then too, though she would probably always be too shy to ask about it directly.
“They’re not nice people at all,” Mortis huffed. She was much more confident when she spoke about Mutsumi’s parents than Mutsumi herself was. It was a complicated subject for Mortis as well, of course, but she was at least able to muster the courage to admit loudly that she didn’t like Minami or Takafumi. “I don’t like being around them. Mutsumi-chan doesn’t either. They’ve been at home more than usual lately, so we wanted to get out of the house. That’s one reason why we reached out to you asking if you wanted to hang out today.”
Umiri hummed softly and nodded, and Mortis continued as she started to kick her feet back and forth. “Sakiko-chan cares about us. She always has. She does her best to look after us now, especially since she messed it up a little bit earlier.” Mortis laughed at the thought, proof of just how far she had come from her original conflict with Sakiko. Back then, Mortis never would have so much as considered the idea of trusting Sakiko again, but the world had moved on significantly since then, and Mortis was glad for it. “I know the rest of the band cares about us too. You wouldn’t have let us come over if you didn’t care at least a little bit, right?”
Umiri nodded once again, and Mortis finally pulled away from Umiri’s hands. Umiri’s fingers lingered in the air for a moment after Mortis retreated, clearly missing the warmth once it was gone. Still, Umiri did not admit it in words, instead letting her hands fall back down to her lap when she realized it was over for the time being. Mortis almost regretted pulling back, but she felt suddenly nervous being that close to Umiri. Mortis did her best to seem strong and sure of herself, but deep down, she was just as insecure as most other girls her age. She was just as afraid of being left behind and abandoned as anyone else.
“I’m not sure if I ever really knew what love was supposed to feel like when I was young,” Mutsumi confessed, sitting on her hands before she could make any dangerous moves like openly expressing affection for Umiri again. For all she knew, she had already irreparably damaged their relationship by letting Mortis step forward to do that once. “My parents never wanted to be around me. Nearly everyone my age only wanted to get close to me because they had heard about my parents. The only person I had to rely on was Saki, but… It didn’t feel like enough. I didn’t know how to care about anyone the way the people around me did.”
Umiri closed her eyes, and she moved her hands so she was seated on them as well. She would never admit it openly, but she was trying to cherish the warmth that had vanished when Mortis pulled back, even if the only thing she could do now was imitate it with her own body heat. “I struggled with making friends as a child,” Umiri admitted. “My family cared about me, but it wasn’t the same. I saw others with kids our age, and I felt… I felt…”
“Jealous?” Mortis finished for her, and Umiri nodded. Mortis was no stranger to envy of this sort. For years, she had thought the only thing she would ever be able to do was stay out of view by Mutsumi’s side. Her duty was to watch over Mutsumi and keep her safe and happy. Anything Mortis may have wanted, including human connection, would only distract her from her purpose. Mortis couldn’t seem to help her jealousy when it started to build in the depths of her stomach, and even now that she had Ave Mujica, she remembered what that loneliness had been like all too well. After all, she had once thought no one in her band would accept her for who she was either. If not for Umiri stepping forward to reunite the band, that may very well have remained the truth for the rest of her life.
“Yeah,” Umiri confirmed. “Then I found a group of people I thought I could call my friends. We formed a band together, but they didn’t like being around me the way I liked being around them. I didn’t realize until it was too late, and after that, I couldn’t stomach getting close to anyone again. It was too much.” Beneath her thighs, Umiri’s fingers itched for one of the sodas she regularly purchased from the vending machine on the campus of Hanasakigawa. Maybe the fizzy taste against her tongue would make her feel a little bit less ridiculous about saying this aloud. It had certainly numbed her heart enough to help her get through a similar conversation with an apathetic Nyamu.
“I wished I could be like other girls my age too,” Mutsumi admitted. “It seemed so much easier for all of them to make friends than me, and I… I didn’t know what I was missing.” It wasn’t just Ave Mujica’s concept that had appealed to Mutsumi; she had felt the same way back when she first joined CRYCHIC. The band may not have been formed under the theming deliberately, but Mutsumi knew every member of the group cared deeply about the idea of being human all the same. They felt disconnected from the world around them, always missing out on something the people they met could understand so easily and wordlessly. Tomori had written lyrics about wanting to be human because she had never felt that way before, and the rest of the band had agreed to perform the songs because they understood what it felt like too.
Mutsumi had felt like a fundamental piece of herself–the human part–had been torn out of her before she knew to miss it. She was not a person but an ideal to the people around her, and it left her hollow when she looked at those who were able to embody what she wanted most. After CRYCHIC disbanded, Sakiko could not feel human anymore, and she created Ave Mujica because she feared she would never reach that high of beauty ever again. Humanity was not something to be understood by dolls or knights, and so, every member of the band cast it aside and pretended it was their choice to not connect with others. That was far easier than admitting they were missing something the universe had decided they would never deserve. At least this way, they could act as if they had autonomy over the mistreatment they had endured.
“Sometimes…” Umiri began, her voice soft and fragile. “Sometimes, I’m not sure if Ave Mujica is what I’m looking for here either.” She had pulled her hands out from beneath her legs, and she instead pressed her fingers together in the same anxious dance from before Mortis claimed her grasp. Mutsumi had grown used to thinking of Umiri as strong and powerful, unbothered by the worst of what the world had shown to her. That was how Umiri had seemed when they first met, at least… But a lot had changed since then, hadn’t it? Umiri was every bit as afraid of abandonment as Mutsumi, and she had expressed it far more openly than Mutsumi would ever be able to manage on her own.
“What… What do you mean?” Mutsumi asked, her voice coming out every bit as vulnerable. Both of them had applauded Ave Mujica for bringing them so much peace and love, but… “Do you think there’s another place you would be happier?”
Umiri shook her head. “No… That’s not it,” she said, and Mutsumi felt relief rush through her body. The idea of losing Ave Mujica as a whole felt intolerable now that they had come to know one another better… But the thought of losing Umiri specifically frightened her impossibly more for reasons she could not seem to put to words. “I just… I wonder if we’re really as connected as I want us to be.”
That gave Mutsumi pause, and she hummed as she looked down at the floor just in front of her feet. The members of the band had started to open up to each other more, but it was a slow process, and they could hardly be expected to trust one another overnight. Nothing was ever that simple, especially when it came to people who did not understand connection trying to forge something out of thin air. They had made progress, but it certainly wasn’t the perfect bond Mutsumi preferred to imagine. She hoped they would make it to a better place in the future, but…
Umiri had a point when it came to their current reality. Mutsumi could not say that all of her issues with connecting with others had been completely resolved the instant Ave Mujica came together again. She felt safer with them now than she had before they disbanded since they were doing more of the work to establish a middle ground, but the situation remained complex. Umiri hadn’t felt like a real person in years, so disconnected from the world that she turned to desperate pleading in an effort to find the trust she had been denied by others. Mutsumi hadn’t known all of this about Umiri until they sat down together that day. If not for Mortis’ impulsive trip out of the house, Mutsumi never would have found out about Umiri’s feelings either.
Mutsumi and Umiri were every bit as guilty as the other members of the band, weren’t they? All five of them were creeping closer to seeing each other for who they were, but it was much easier said than done to find that common ground when they were so insistent on hiding their true selves from one another. All of them had endured some sort of interpersonal strain or another, and that made connecting with their peers considerably harder than it had any right to be. They wanted to keep from getting hurt, but in doing so, they were unable to truly bond with those who they aimed to get closer with.
Mutsumi had always struggled with connecting with those around her for a wide variety of reasons, but one of them was that she had been told multiple times that her methods of communication simply weren’t right. She wasn’t sure of what she was doing wrong, and she didn’t know how to make sense of a world that seemed so set on not helping her to understand. Mutsumi had resonated with Tomori’s music for a reason; she didn’t feel like she would ever be able to truly know the people around her either even though she wanted to more than anything. It was simply a complicated situation, and Mutsumi could tell Umiri understood it every bit as well as she did. If they were just a little bit different–if they were just a little bit more normal–then perhaps they never would have wound up in this position in the first place.
“Trust is very important to me,” Umiri admitted after she had given Mutsumi a few seconds to think through what she had already said. “I want us all to be able to trust and rely on each other. I want us to be friends instead of just…” She couldn’t seem to find the word she was searching for to finish the sentence, so she let it trail off into silence. Mutsumi didn’t need her to complete the thought anyway. She already knew just what Umiri was thinking even though she didn’t have a word for it either. They were badgers in the same hole, and while they had already grown to be more than that, it didn’t feel like enough as long as there was still greater room for change and reliance among their ranks.
“I want us to be able to trust each other too,” Mutsumi agreed. It was all anyone wanted since every human craved the connection they could only find in the arms and smiles of others. Acquiring it was much easier said than done though, and even though Umiri had voiced that there was an issue, Mutsumi didn’t know how to solve it. She knew just what Umiri was talking about, but she simply couldn’t close the distance. She feared no one would be able to do something like that, and if they could, then they must have understood something that had eluded Mutsumi for her entire life.
“I’m not going to give up until we’re at the place we need to be where we can rely on each other permanently,” Umiri promised. “If there’s something I can do to get us closer to that, then I have to try.” She pressed one hand to her chest, looking less like a girl and more like the knight she had been announced to be when Oblivionis took to the stage at their second show after their comeback. There was a reason Timoris had been the first to be named as a follower of their shared world; she was the most loyal to it by far. They all needed Ave Mujica, but Umiri was the one who had brought them back to it when they had drifted from what they desired.
“You’ve got a good heart, Umiri-chan,” Mortis said with a smile. Something about Umiri’s small gesture of loyalty had her completely smitten, and Mutsumi felt Mortis’ excitement warm her chest and flutter around in her ribcage. It was a foreign feeling, but Mutsumi couldn’t say it was unwanted. How could it be? “I think you do a great job of looking after all of us.”
Umiri’s face relaxed into a bright smile of pure joy and relief. “You do?” Umiri hadn’t spoken much of her past discussions with Taki where she was told she was not as trustworthy as she needed to be, but Mutsumi knew they weighed heavily on her heart. All Umiri had ever wanted was to have a place to belong, and yet, she couldn’t seem to figure out what she was meant to do to make that her reality. She had struggled with connecting with others for so long that she had no idea how to make it feel real anymore. Arguably, Umiri had never known in the first place.
“Mhm,” Mortis nodded with a smile and a hum. “I know you care a lot about Mujica and keeping all of us together. I’m glad you do. I don’t think we would have found each other again if you didn’t want to make sure we all came back. And you want to do so much to make sure we all stick around here forever like we promised.”
Umiri looked down at her lap with a small nod, suddenly flustered beneath the attention Mortis was giving her. “Part of me is still afraid that it’s going to end one day,” she admitted. “I can’t lose Mujica. I can’t go through that again. I… I need us to be able to trust each other. We’re making progress, but…”
“I think we just need to be patient,” Mutsumi told her. “It takes time. We’ll get there when we’re ready.” It was easy for Mutsumi to forget just how hard it was to make friends when the last time she had done it before CRYCHIC had been so long ago with Sakiko. She had been forced to discover just how much patience was required when she joined her old band though. It had certainly taken Mutsumi time to get to know the other members of CRYCHIC. Back when Sakiko invited her to their first rehearsal, Mutsumi hadn’t known what to make of Tomori, Soyo, or Taki. Now, she thought of them as some of her dearest friends, and she couldn’t even begin to imagine her life without them. She didn’t want to think about it… And she didn’t want to live without Ave Mujica anymore either. They belonged together just as CRYCHIC once had, and Mutsumi would repeat the sentiment every day for the rest of her life in order to ensure they all believed it along with her.
“I suppose you’re right,” Umiri agreed with a small nod. The idea of having to wait longer for that bond seemed to itch at something beneath her skin though, bringing with it a deep discomfort that she didn’t know how to shake despite her best efforts. She shook her head and returned her fingers to the seat just beneath her legs. “It doesn’t feel like enough while we’re waiting though.”
“You don’t have to just sit around and be patient,” Mortis pointed out. “I mean, we’re doing a lot to bond and get to know each other right now, aren’t we? Sometimes, you have to go out of your way if you’re going to get closer with people, but that’s a good thing in my eyes. We’ll get there eventually. We’re already trying to get closer to each other, and we can try with the rest of the band too.”
Umiri nodded slowly, processing each word like the thought hadn’t occurred to her before. She had always craved the closeness that came with being around others, but she didn’t know how to make something meaningful out of it. Bonding with potential friends was as frightening as it was necessary. She had to get close to others if she wanted them to stay in her life, but for all she knew, they could have decided to abandon her just as the members of her old band had…
But she couldn’t let her fear control her forever. Even now, Umiri was afraid of something bad happening to Ave Mujica, and it kept her from being able to reach out to the others around her. She needed to make a conscious effort to get closer with them. That was the best way to ensure the group would stay together in the long term. They all cared about each other already, but they could go deeper. They could spend the rest of their lives defending the world they had created together, but they would only want to do it if there was something precious worth protecting in the first place.
“I’ve never been any good at it,” Mutsumi admitted. “Talking to people. I’m always afraid of messing it up somehow. It feels like that’s the only way it can end, so I… I don’t try because it feels like there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I’m trying to get better. I’m trying to talk more instead of just shutting down. I think it will help me a lot.”
“I understand how you feel,” Umiri nodded. She couldn’t say she was as paranoid about her every word finding a way to destroy her life, but she had been thinking about it occasionally ever since her reckless enthusiasm ruined the thing she loved most during her middle school days. Umiri never would have expected her and Mutsumi to have so much in common, but now, she found herself aching to know more about the ground they shared emotionally. How much else could they relate to each other on? Umiri never would have found out about any of it if not for Mutsumi’s impulsive visit to her apartment. They had come so close to not truly being able to trust each other, and Umiri had no idea how long the silence between them would have stretched on otherwise.
Mutsumi seemed every bit as impacted by the small yet significant step she had taken that day, and she looked up at Umiri with a hint of shyness in her golden eyes. “Maybe we can try to get better at it together,” she offered. “I don’t know where to start, but if you wanted to try… I would be happy to try it with you.”
Umiri’s eyes widened at Mutsumi’s proposal, though if she was being honest, it sounded… Delightful. The distance between herself and the rest of the world was still so vast, and Umiri didn’t know if she would be able to close it alone. However, she may have been able to reach out to the universe around her if she had someone else by her side or a hand to try and grasp on the other side. Neither one of them had ever felt real because of the gap between their hearts and those around them, but perhaps Umiri’s promise from so long ago could come true after all. Maybe there was a way for two dolls to become real, and maybe it came from them being willing to push for a brighter future together with everything they had.
“I… I would like that,” Umiri nodded, unable to hold back her smile. Tears pulled at the corners of her eyes, but she didn’t try to stop them. In the past, she had found the idea of crying in front of others to be humiliating. The main time she recalled crying in public had been after her band abandoned her when they were preparing for their big show, and that moment had been burned into Umiri’s mind as the apex of her shame. Umiri found she didn’t mind showing this piece of herself in front of Mutsumi though. In fact, it felt… Relieving to know she could set aside her armor for a while. She may have been a knight in the world of Ave Mujica, but there with Mutsumi and Mortis, she could be a girl too.
Umiri, Mutsumi, and Mortis really had seen each other at their most vulnerable, hadn’t they? After Ave Mujica’s big conversation at RiNG, Umiri had been the only one who went back to Mutsumi and Mortis’ home to watch over the latter in the aftermath of her argument with her other half. Umiri had stayed by Mortis’ bedside to take care of her in any small way she could. Umiri couldn’t say she had entirely understood the weight of that moment at the time even when Taki told her it was important to be there for Mortis. Now though, Umiri felt it was all coming into focus. This was what she had been chasing for so long. This was everything her hollow heart had ever needed in order to find peace and fullness, and she needed to cherish it with everything she had.
“I’m sorry!” Mortis burst out when Umiri moved to rub a tear away from her nose. “We didn’t mean to make you cry!” When Umiri blinked through her tears though, she found Mutsumi and Mortis were both on the verge of crying too. It seemed like their conversation was having every bit as deep of an impact on the two of them, and Umiri found herself glad to know she was not alone. This was what she had been seeking ever since she joined Ave Mujica, and at long last, it was in her hands.
“Don't apologize,” Umiri told Mortis with a shake of her head. “I think it’s a good thing.” She looked up at Mortis, pulling her hands away from her face and pressing a smile across her lips. The moment hardly felt real, and yet, it was what Umiri needed most in order to bring her fractured soul to wholeness for all the world to see. She could only hope Mutsumi and Mortis saw the same value in it. Judging by the tears in their eyes, Umiri was certain they were close to understanding if not even closer than that.
Mortis pushed herself to her feet, and Umiri saw the set of her face shift slightly to prove Mutsumi was stepping forward to be in control as well. Both girls moved their hand up to brush away a few of Umiri’s tears, and Umiri flinched away from the touch on instinct. Mutsumi pulled back, worried about having frightened her friend, but Umiri didn’t let her get far. She grabbed Mutsumi’s hand and then pressed it against her cheek once again, the warmth everything she had ever needed. The only thing she liked better than being able to hold Mutsumi and Mortis’ hand was being able to feel it against her face as proof of how much they cared for her.
“I don’t know if I ever really felt real,” Mutsumi confessed. She was so close that Umiri could feel the brush of her breath against her skin. Umiri could have sworn she could feel Mutsumi’s pulse between her pointer finger and her thumb too, but it could have just as easily been her own heartbeat. She knew its pace had skyrocketed the instant Mutsumi moved to touch her. “But I feel real with you.”
Umiri blinked up at Mutsumi, barely able to believe what she was hearing. When she had first made the promise to Mortis to help her to feel real, she hadn’t known if she was going to be able to follow up on it. She wanted to think she would be able to do something to help the other girl, of course, but Umiri knew it was a bit more complicated than that. How could it not be? And yet, even ages after she and Mortis had last addressed it, Umiri had managed to do something to help both Mutsumi and Mortis to reach what they wanted. Without even trying, Umiri had brought them to life, and she felt they had brought her to life too.
For the first time since her middle school band shattered into a thousand pieces, Umiri felt not only real but whole. She wanted Mutsumi and Mortis’ hand to stay on her cheek forever. She wanted to spend the rest of her days defending the ideals of Ave Mujica to make sure she was able to have what she needed from the start: a place where she could trust in others and feel like she belonged. Mutsumi and Mortis wanted to be with her even though Umiri had feared no one would ever have faith in her like that… And she ached to be with them too.
Even though Mutsumi and Mortis were just a few inches away, Umiri found they were not close enough. Umiri had finally done what she always hoped for, and she had won the trust of the people she wanted to understand. Still, it didn’t feel like enough. Nothing could ever feel like enough when there was still enough room between them for Umiri to look into their eyes. She wanted to rely on others. She wanted to have a home, and there was only one way she could think to find it.
Mutsumi and Mortis moved before Umiri had the chance to, tilting her face upward and then pressing a kiss to her mouth. Umiri forgot how to breathe when their lips found a path to hers, but she couldn’t bring herself to care at all. This… This was what she had needed all along. The trust she had been chasing for so long was in her grasp. It lived only between the lips of her and the girl she wanted to spend the rest of her days with. Umiri had never thought any of her relationships could ever be permanent, but she needed this one to last more than anything. She did not know if she would be able to live with herself if she allowed it to end.
The kiss had to stop at some point though, and Mutsumi and Mortis pulled back once they had adequately expressed their love. Umiri finally took in a gasp of air, her cheeks hot and strained from how long she had been holding her breath in an effort to keep the other girls close to her. She knew she looked like a mess, but Umiri couldn’t bring herself to care. This was what it meant to become real. It meant laying down the worries of the past and focusing on the people she cared about in the present. Umiri had been haunted by the specter of her first band and her first friends for years… But they would not be able to chase her into the future forever. She had something new to love and adore, and Umiri was determined to treasure it however she could.
Mutsumi looked down at Umiri, the silence between them only shattered by both of them drawing in heavy, ragged breaths. Mutsumi had never felt in touch with reality growing up. The entire world seemed to exist on the other side of a thick layer of glass, fog, and water she now knew was called dissociation. She could not bear to be close to the world because all it ever seemed to do was hurt her. Even that day, Mutsumi had been pulled apart by the pain from the other parts of her life. She had fled from the Wakaba family mansion because her parents were too much for her to bear. She couldn’t handle thinking about how neither Minami nor Takafumi had ever loved her the way she needed them to…
But Umiri did. In a world that had never allowed Mutsumi to breathe, she had found someone who cared about her. She had found a home in that small, poorly maintained apartment, and Mutsumi found she never wanted to leave. For just a moment, it felt like the world had come into focus because she kissed Umiri. She… She was real. She lived in a world that was full of love and beauty, and she could make something wonderful out of the opportunities she had been given. She did not need to spend the rest of her days aching for what she did not have. She could take charge of her own life. She could become real, and she could do it with the help of those who had guided her true in the past and allowed her to make it that far in the first place.
Mortis grinned down at Umiri as soon as she was able to remind her body how to smile. The kiss had been impulsive, but it had helped Mortis to feel truly alive in a way she didn’t think she ever had before. The entire world had spent years denying she was real at all in the name of begging for Mutsumi, the so-called true self. Mutsumi was seen as real, but she was never able to enjoy life enough to believe it. Mortis, on the other hand, was always sidelined in favor of an ideal self that she knew did not truly exist. There was no single person who Mortis had ruined. Both Mutsumi and Mortis had a right to live, and they would have to do it together no matter what.
Umiri understood that. She may not have been fully aware of the ramifications of what she was implying when she first told Mortis she could become real, but she had helped Mortis to believe there truly was a world out there for her. Mortis had only found love in the members of MyGO!!!!! before then, and she had feared no one else would ever look at her twice again. She wanted the approval of the rest of her band, and now… Mortis knew she had it. Umiri cared about her, and that was worth its weight in gold. Mortis was going to find a way to be alright in the face of all the trauma she carried, and she had Umiri to thank for showing her the light.
Ave Mujica was not the perfect home Mortis, Mutsumi, and Umiri had hoped it would be. They felt safe there with the rest of their bandmates, yes, but they still had a long way to go before everyone would be able to trust each other the way they needed to. It was a frightening thought, knowing they were so far from what they had wanted for all that time, but they all knew it was going to be fine regardless. They were there together, and they were going to keep pushing for improvement among the band’s numbers. One way or another, they would all find a way to trust each other the way they had wanted for years. Umiri would know the others relied on her not just in terms of practicality but because of emotional connections too. Mutsumi would know there was a safe place for her to speak her mind without others using her words against her. Mortis would know there was a place she could belong without having to pretend she was someone she was not.
The reality was so close it made Mutsumi’s heart race, and the only thing she could think to do about it was lean over once more to kiss Umiri for a second time. Umiri saw the initial movement and rushed into it, pulling Mutsumi in close. Umiri didn’t stop clinging to Mutsumi until the other girl was sitting in her lap, but Mutsumi found she didn’t mind it at all. Neither one of them had ever been particularly inclined toward physical affection, unsure of how to accept it after their friendships had left them so distant from the world. Now though, it felt perfectly natural, and both of them would have stayed together like that for the rest of time if they had the option.
The passage of time meant little to them for the moment though, and Mutsumi, Mortis, and Umiri stayed like that for quite a while, simply holding one another and enjoying the peace that came with being together. Ave Mujica was not perfect, but it did not need to be. They were going to reach the future they had been waiting for eventually, and they would fight for it however they could. The only way anything was going to change was if they took action to ensure the situation improved, and all three of them felt more empowered to try now than ever before. Now that they had a taste of what it felt like to be real, they wanted to make the most of it and treasure it for as long as they lived. If they could keep going to make their dreams a reality, then they had to try. They had spent long enough aching for something they felt they could not have. It was time to extend a hand to the rest of their band and settle down as they had always deserved.
When Mutsumi finally moved off Umiri’s lap, the bassist reached a hollow, grieving hand after her. Mutsumi picked up her guitar and sat just next to Umiri, allowing their knees to touch and leaving just enough room between them for them to both hold their instruments. “I want to play with you,” Mutsumi told Umiri. She did not say that it was the best way she could think to express her emotions, but she was confident Umiri understood. Umiri proved as much when she eagerly moved to retrieve her bass, and they both fell into position before starting to play.
Neither one of them bothered with playing Ave Mujica’s songs. Their previous plans of practicing before the band’s next rehearsal melted away in favor of something far simpler. Mutsumi and Umiri let their fingers dance across the strings of their instruments, playing out songs they had never written nor heard before. It was something all their own, an expression from the deepest pieces of their broken hearts. There were some things they struggled to say aloud, but there was a reason they had gravitated to music as a hobby. If they could not say something with their words, then they could allow their songs to take over in their stead.
Mutsumi, Mortis, and Umiri all understood each other perfectly as they continued to wander through the melodies they wove together. They were at their best when they were united, and even if the future was uncertain, they would make the most of it as a team… No. They would make the most of it as something far greater than that. Their love would hold strong regardless of the obstacles that tried to stop them from reaching what they needed and craved most from each other. They belonged together, and they always would.
If someone else asked, none of them would have been able to describe what it felt like to truly become real. They had spent so long thinking it was impossible because they had been pushed away by the rest of the world. They were wrong in the eyes of their peers, and so, they gave up on trying to be anything other than the shadows and phantoms they had seemingly been born to be… But there was beauty to be found in even the darkest of situations. There was love to be found in the lost and the broken as long as they were willing to understand one another. There was no one they wanted to understand more than each other in that moment, and they were certain that would remain true far into the future too.
The trio’s songs continued late into the afternoon, but even as the sun began to set, they didn’t stop singing with their souls and strumming their guitars. They may not have been able to tell anyone else what it was like to become real, but they were able to understand it together, and that was all that mattered. As long as they remained united, they would be able to will a world into existence where they were not dolls but girls instead.
They had all become real, and they had the love they shared to thank for it.