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Paige has had a rough day. Yet she was thrilled to go to their weekly lunch with Kevin and Wile E. She secretly thought he might’ve not liked the idea of the lunches as he was obsessed with the chase, so she was thrilled when he agreed to it when first suggested. He wanted to spend time with them, yay! She loved having him around, she thought he was a great friend for her uncle.
Though he felt different today. Kevin had picked up Wile E. and was meeting her at the lunch spot with him, as Paige held their seats. She had received a text from Kevin- which he had better not have sent while driving- it was simple yet curious.
‘He seems to be in a bit of a mood, don’t know how long he’ll stay.’
Oh no, he was in a bad mood? Hopefully the lunch cheered him up. She wondered why, maybe because the Road Runner was gone? Kevin had told her that Wile E. texted him in the middle of the night (thanks to the new phone she got him- Well. He was given her old phone but still) and told him that the Road Runner was gone for a week. Poor Wile E. must be missing his bird. Kevin was quick to say that Road Runner wasn’t his bird and Paige disagreed heavily, saying they were clearly meant to be.
Okay, she had a confession. Kevin knew all about it, but she thought the relationship between Wile E. and the Road Runner was so romantic. Kevin said she was insane but come on! Chasing each other for like, seventy seven years? Plus, she actually researched it and Road Runners chased each other as a part of mating. Kevin had argued that they were toons and that probably doesn’t apply, she was quick to shoot back that she would happily ask the Road Runner about it. You know, whenever the two properly met. Kevin begged her to not ask him about his mating rituals.
But right now was about Wile E, not their fated romance. When the two entered the diner, Paige waved them over with a smile. Kevin was right, Wile E. was in a mood. But she didn’t know if it was a bad one. He seemed a bit flustered and all over the place, quickly pulling the menu into his face as he hid himself behind it. “Hey, Wile E! How have you been?” She asked cheerfully and he slowly pulled out a sign, which simply read ‘fine.’ Yet the text was smaller than usual, she side eyed Kevin a bit.
Though that would point towards being upset.. maybe he wasn’t upset at all. She peeped his tail wagging a bit and it felt as if a light bulb went off over her head. Oh my god. What if he and the Road Runner had a tumultuous interaction before he left? With all the emotions whirring, the love, the passion.. Paige looked at her menu, even more excited for this lunch now. She would get to the bottom of this.
When they had finally ordered, Paige was eyeing him from across the table. “So, Wile E.. Have you been busy lately?” She ignored Kevin’s glances, knowing he was trying to tell her to not bring it up. Well, she couldn’t listen to that advice. Wile E. startled a bit, quickly writing on a sign as he held it up.
[ PLANNED SOME TRAPS. ]
“Oooh, for the Road Runner? That sounds fun!” She rested her head in her hands as she stared at him, noticing that he seemed a bit odd after she said that. He hesitated, started to write something, but then crossed it out. Interesting. “Are you alright?” She added in and he quickly nodded, throwing his crossed out sign across the diner. Kevin was quick to call out an apology to the workers, who seemed to brush it off. Toons and all.
She noticed he was writing a new sign, her face lighting up as he nervously held up the sign.
[ QUESTION FOR YOU, PAIGE ]
When he flipped it, she nearly jumped out of her chair in excitement. It was finally happening.
[ HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE? ]
She looked at Kevin instantly to gloat and he seemed surprised by the words, smiling a bit as he asked why he wasn’t asking him that question. Wile E. made a face at him and Paige laughed, nudging her uncle. “Don’t worry, Kevin’s useless with men. You’re asking the right one between us.” She promised him as she cleared her throat, trying to contain her excitement under her smile. “Yes, I have! I’ve had many crushes and have dated a few people too. Why?”
She was internally screaming in joy as she watched Wile E. struggle to write out his words, giving her uncle a sly smirk. What was it he said? Oh, the two were just friends? Ah-hah! Wile E. slowly held up a sign.
[ CONFUSING FEELINGS. DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ]
“Well! We’ve all been there, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!” Paige promised him, nodding her head. “How did this all start? When did you notice something?” She felt like she was the best friend in a romcom, she was enthralled. She knew there was something but no, Kevin thought she was crazy. She was so telling Sal and Dottie about this now, they had to know there was a romance in the air. Break out the candles, there might be wedding bells in the future.
Wile E. seemed to pause and think, fiddling with his sign. He went back and forth on what he was writing, before he finally lifted it.
[ IT ALL STARTED RECENTLY. VISITOR CAME TO MY CAVE. ]
Wile E. talking about his feelings was huge, even Kevin had to admit it! He seemed to really open after the case and it’s been so-
Wait. A visitor?
“You get visitors in the desert?” Kevin wondered and Wile E. shrugged a bit, flipping the sign to say ‘not often.’ Paige was still stuck, what vistor? Who was he talking about? “Huh, makes sense. Who was the visitor, good or bad?” Kevin added in and Wile E. lowered his sign as he struggled with it, looking away as he raised it again. All he wrote was ‘good’ in very small text, Paige feeling her stomach drop. “Okay, but that didn’t answer my first question.”
Oh, so now Kevin can be a bit cheeky. Wile E. huffed a bit as he hesitated, clearly not wanting to tell them. Yet he wrote on his sign, gripping the sides of it before he slowly turned it towards them.
[ BUGS BUNNY. ]
The rabbit? “Him? He helped a lot in the case, I guess it makes sense he might want to visit you-“ Kevin went straight to lawyer mode, before pausing. “Wait. Is this whole thing about-?” He started to talk and Wile E. practically jumped on the table as he reached over, shoving his hands basically into Kevin’s mouth. His face was red and his heart was quite literally pounding out of his chest.
Oh my god. He wasn’t talking about the Road Runner.
“Okay, okay! He who shall not be named, got it.” Kevin laughed as he waved him away, making Wile E. sit back down. “But really? Wow! You two knew each other prior, correct? So what, there’s some history there?” Kevin grinned at his coyote friend, who seemed to shrink into his seat in embarrassment. Really? The rabbit in the fancy jacket? That’s who this is about? Isn’t he with the Road Runner- Are they open? I mean, she wasn’t going to judge if they were- Wile E. interrupted her frantic thoughts with a sign, which was mostly directed at Kevin.
[ DON’T NEED YOUR ADVICE!! ONLY HERS!! ]
Right, she had agreed to give love advice. She couldn’t let bias get in the way here, even if it was pissing her off. Kevin scoffed at him as Paige collected herself. “Well.. I hate to say it, but he’s right. Is there history or is it all just sudden?” Paige managed to ask, offering an awkward smile of sorts. Wile E. crossed his arms over his chest as he huffed, hesitating a bit. She’s never seen a toon so flustered, yet he was absolutely bright. It would normally be so cute if it wasn’t for the wrong guy. A simple sign raised, his eyes staying averted.
[ MET BEFORE, IT WAS COMPLICATED ] The sign flipped,
[ THINGS GOT WEIRD. ]
“Oh? Define weird..” Kevin was quick to ask, now seeming very invested. Maybe lucky for them, their food arrived before Wile E. could produce a sign. He was quick to start eating, Kevin trying to interrupt him. “He’s avoiding the question!” Paige took a fry and threw it in her mouth, eyebrows furrowing a bit. He was avoiding the question, but he couldn’t run forever.
She waited until Wile E. was mostly done with his food, which took so little time (note to self, look into slow feeders for toons.. Is that insensitive?) before she asked her question. “Did anything prompt this? I mean, the feelings. Did anything happen between you two?” It pained her to know but for her journalistic side, she had to know. It was Wile E. though, so surely it was just some banter. A bit of flirting, the rabbit seemed to like that.
His reaction told more than any sign could though, the way he tensed up. Red face, tail clearly wagging as his body moved a bit nervously. Paige was horrified while Kevin was clearly eating it up, letting out a quiet ‘no’ in a gasp. “What happened?” Paige quickly asked and Wile E. was straining against himself, trying to escape while also not moving out of his seat. It seemed like he both wanted this help but was also embarrassed to bring it up, which makes sense. The guys spent nearly eight decades with the real love of his life and now suddenly some rabbits in his mind? Ugh, Paige was letting the bias win again.
Wile E. slowly produced a sign, yet the text was so microscopic. Paige squinted her eyes a bit as she tried to read before Kevin just reached over, grabbing the sign with his hands. “We need to be able to read it, bud.” He joked as Wile E. pulled his ears down over his eyes, not baring to see their reaction. Paige looked over at the sign, her eyes narrowing in as she began to read it. Kevin clearly was doing the same, as the two of them had the same reaction at the same time. A mutual gasp as Wile E. sunk down more, clearly wanting to disappear from this planet.
[ THERE MAYBE WAS A KISS OR TWO OR MANY I DON’T KNOW ]
Paige was quick to look up at him, her shock clear on her face. “Wile E. Coyote, you dog!” Kevin laughed as he reached over, smacking his arm a bit playfully. Paige couldn’t even enjoy the fact that Wile E. lifted a sign, saying he was actually not a dog, but she was too blown away. Had she read the dynamics wrong? Surely not, she’s usually so good at this! Yet here he was, flustered over someone else while her annoying uncle teased him about it. “I mean, do you want something.. serious? Maybe at your age it’s time to settle down-“ Kevin teased and laughed as Wile E. pushed him away, giving an exaggerated huff.
Wile E. hadn’t actually answered his question, so Paige continued. “Do you know what you want?” She asked and he deflated a bit, shaking his head. “Have you.. talked to him? Can you talk to him? I mean, I gave you that phone-“ Wile E. thought about it for a moment, tapping his claws on the table. He shrugged again and lifted a sign, tilting his head slightly.
[ HE SAID HE’D BE BACK SOMETIME NEXT WEEK ]
“Okay, that’s good. You gotta talk to him, ask what you are and stuff. Get on the same page.” Paige was giving genuine advice, but her heart wasn’t in it. She didn’t want to give him this advice for Bugs, she wanted this advice in regards to the Road Runner! She felt insane over this all. “Uh, by the way. When does the Road Runner come back again?” She added on and Wile E. raised a brow, his sign confirming that he’d be back on Sunday. He clearly thought it was an odd thing to tact on but didn’t question it. She avoided Kevin’s eyes, knowing he was shooting her a look that could only be described as wary. She wouldn’t mention it again, not in front of Wile E, at least.
.
.
.
Paige tagged along for the ride to drop him off, Kevin making her sit in the back seat. They spent all of lunch talking about Bugs and Wile E, getting as many juicy details out of him as possible. She was shocked to learn about everything but was also glad she was trusted with it. A double edged sword, she supposed. As Kevin pulled over on the road, they both said their goodbyes to him. Wile E. smiled at them and as he got out of the car, Kevin wished him luck with his boy problems. He snickered as Wile E. raised a threatening sign about dropping a piano on his car again, giving Paige a much more gentle smile. As he shut the door and walked off, Paige waited until he was just barely out of sight. “I can’t fucking believe it!”
Kevin nodded as he began to back up, jokingly saying they grow up so fast. “No! Bugs Bunny?! Since when! Why not the Road Runner!” She whined as she let herself lay in the back seat, ignoring Kevin telling her that it was illegal to lay in a moving car. She huffed as he began to speak, not wanting to hear it from him.
“Look, Paige- Your little theory about them was wrong, okay? Let’s just be happy for Wile E, he deserves to feel loved like this!” Kevin argued and Paige grumbled, not being able to argue that point. She wanted to be happy, she really did. And yet her mind was racing.
“What if the Road Runner really loves him?” She pouted and Kevin laughed, saying they’d have a crazy love triangle. “I’m being serious! We don’t even know his opinion, he doesn’t even know this happened while he was gone.” Paige sighed again and Kevin looked at her from the mirror, furrowing his brows.
“Don’t get involved, Paige.” He warned once and she looked away, groaning out that she wouldn’t get involved. They were all grown toons, she wouldn’t get involved in where she didn’t belong.
That is exactly what she told Kevin and yet she found herself in the desert on Monday morning. Okay, sue her. She didn’t tell Kevin her plans on her day off, so why not go on a drive? Maybe she was just visiting the lovely scenery! And if Wile E. caught her, that’s exactly what she was telling him. She didn’t even know if it was possible to contact the Road Runner, their last attempt was a mess. Even though she knew this, she still had bird seed sitting in the passenger seat. She just wanted to try.
The worst thing that happens is he doesn’t show up. Okay, no, the worst thing that can happen is he like.. kills her. But one, she knows the Road Runner saw her with Wile E. and knows she’s a friend. And two, she wasn’t afraid of it anyways. What’s the point in life if no thrills?
She parked her car and took a deep breath, getting out only after grabbing her bird seed. She shut the door and walked around, standing for a moment with the box in her hand. How does Wile E. do this again? Oh my god, he puts it on a plate with the cutest little sign. She didn’t have a plate or sign, that had to be seen as rude, right? He’s not a wild animal, he won’t just eat off the ground! She mentally kicked herself for forgetting such an important part, quietly cursing aloud. Due to her being distracted, she didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.
If she was a coyote, maybe she’d notice the whipping wind in the distance. Or the approaching footsteps. Yet she only noticed when it was right in front of her, a blue blur and a dust cloud. She let out a surprised squeal as she jumped, gripping the bird seed tightly in her hands. The Road Runner stared at her curiously, still smiling. “Beep beep?” It came out as a sort of question and she caught her breath, offering a smile.
“Oh god, you startled me! Hi, Mr. Runner- I’m Paige, one of Wile E’s lawyers and friends! I was looking for you and realized I didn’t have a plate to offer my bird seed, which felt rude- I mean I don’t even know if you’d take this from me and not Wile E. but you know-“ She was rambling, a part of her in shock that he was actually here. She thinks even he could tell, going from looking at her to the bird seed, back and forth. “Anyways! I wanted to talk to you, you er.. use signs, right? If not, the two beeps for yes and one for no can still work-“
She was surprised to see a sign lift up before she could even process, smiling widely as she read it.
[ SIGNS ARE FINE ] A quick flip,
[ YOU ARE HIS FRIEND? ]
“Oh, yes! Me and my uncle Kevin are, we get a weekly lunch. I actually wanted to talk to you about Wile E, if that’s okay with you..” She offered awkwardly, realizing she was still gripping the bird seed. “Do you.. want this? Sorry, I feel like I’m being so rude.” She laughed and the Road Runner smiled at her, actually nodding his head. “Oh, good! Is it okay if I don’t have a plate? I got some napkins in the car I think-“ He shook his head as if to say it was fine and now she was currently opening the bird seed for him. After a quick back and forth, they had decided to leave it in the box as she held it, watching as he ate. “Alright, so I wanted to talk to you about Wile E. and um. About your guy's relationship?”
As the words finished, he stopped eating. She held her breath, hoping she hadn’t offended him. He glanced at her and she noticed the faintest bit of blush on his face, which was both good and bad to see. He didn’t raise a sign, so she continued. “If you don’t mind me asking.. How do you view your relationship with Wile E. Coyote? Are you guys.. just friends?” She slowly spoke and the bird stiffened, his neck shooting up. He chewed his bird seed as he looked away, the blush growing. Oh my god, she knew it! A sigh raised after a moment, one that felt very familiar.
[ IT’S COMPLICATED. ]
“Right, of course it is,” She assured him. “If it helps, I.. always thought you two were a secret couple. Kevin said I was crazy but the passion was there!” She squealed it a bit and the Road Runner actually laughed, waving a wing at her. “But um, that’s kinda what I wanted to talk about. Uh, I know I shouldn’t talk about someone when he’s not here, but..” She hesitated, now feeling a bit guilty. Surely he would’ve reacted differently if Wile E. told him already, so now she felt a bit pressured to break the news. He was quick to produce a sign, looking a bit worried.
[ WHAT? DID HE SAY SOMETHING? ]
Oh boy. “Yes- But not about you! He’d never talk bad about you, he for sure cares about you. But he uh, he might like someone else?” She drew it out and the silence was thick. It was always quiet between them, the guy doesn’t talk after all, but this was even worse. No movement, no signs, just staring. “I’m sorry. I do think he likes you, but he’s also clueless. He’s a genius, of course, but maybe not the most.. street smart?” She genuinely thought there was romance there, I mean come on! No one spends that much of their life dedicated to something this intimate. Maybe Wile E. wasn’t used to feeling that passionately about someone and it got him all confused? She’d have to do more research.
A sign was slowly raised, with just one simple word on it.
[ WHO? ]
She was confused for a moment and he waved it around a bit, a slight annoyance showing on his face. Oh, he wanted to know who Wile E. liked, and suddenly she felt a bit worried about telling him. “Only if you promise me to be calm.” She said as she raised a pinky at him, watching as he stared at her curiously. He raised a wing and did what was basically a pinky promise with her, nodding his head. “Okay! So, he told us that he had a visitor while you were gone. Uh, goes by the name of.. Bugs Bunny?”
She watched as he suddenly looked pissed, actually frowning at her. “Okay so, I don’t know if he’s told you this, but Bugs was the one who told us about project sisyphus! He actually leaked the footage after the case too, so he’s a good guy. But that doesn’t mean you have to like him obviously.” She felt like she had to give the context, while also validating his feelings. She watched as he huffed, annoyedly pecking at the bird seed as he lifted a sign.
[ SO WHAT MAKES HIM THINK HE LIKES THIS RABBIT? ]
Oh boy. Paige was sure her expression gave something away, as the bird seemed to get more mad. “Well.. Uh. She struggled a bit, waving her hand around the air. “He might’ve- Okay, you have to confirm again that you won’t be mad at me for telling you this, okay?” She had to make doubly sure, she wasn’t afraid of many things but he was maybe the fastest bird alive. Hell, maybe the fastest thing alive period.
He nodded again, smiling at her a bit. Well, no going back now. “Bugs visited him and the two of them.. Well, they might’ve.. kissed. Like a lot.” Paige felt a bit embarrassed saying this, this must’ve been how he felt telling her and Kevin. The Road Runner instantly squawked, looking completely shocked. The noise surprised her and she nodded her head quickly, saying she was also shocked. “Kevin had asked if it was like those playful toon kisses but he said it wasn’t. It just came out of nowhere!” Road Runner began to move in a circle, running slowly around as he seemed genuinely pissed.
Perhaps jealously was the right word, he seemed like a very jealous bird. “I just wanted you to know, because I couldn’t believe it wasn't about you and him. Maybe.. talk to him? Surely he likes you too! I mean come on-“ She huffed as she gripped the bird seed box, chewing her lip. “Can I suggest something crazy? Is it possible to break the two up? They aren’t like.. dating yet, so.” She shrugged and the Road Runner looked at her, the two of them sharing a silence. It felt like they were both coming to the same conclusion at the same time.
They absolutely had to break the two up.