Work Text:
Q1: Favorite city in Malaysia?
Aleks: "Genting Highlands. Aleks went there with a friend one time; it is quite a bit colder than most of Malaysia. One thing Aleks likes about Malaysia is that it is warm compared to his home country, but sometimes Aleks misses the cold as well..."
Kim: "Oh! I'm gonna sound so basic, but Kuala Lumpur!! Beautiful city lights, a complex but wonderful amalgamation of architectural styles, amazing food... what's there not to love?"
Rizka: "...I don't like Malaysia."
Sam: "My favorite's Jakarta! Wait, no, no, no, that's my second. My first favorite is Singapore. I remember going there with my family this one time on a layover to Melbourne. Bro, the heat is intense, but it's totally worth it. We saw the Merlion—you know, that freaky lion-mermaid thing—and my brother was like, Dude, wouldn't it be funny if I jumped into the water, and I told him—"
Rizka: "Sam."
Sam: "Hm?"
Rizka: "Singapore is a country."
Sam: "I thought it was a city."
Rizka: "Well, y-yeah, but..."
Aleks: "It's both."
Sam: "OK... Then my favorite city in Malaysia is Jakarta!"
Rizka: [deep breath]
Rizka: "That's in Indonesia."
Rizka: "You know?"
Rizka: "Where I'm from?"
Sam: "But isn't Indonesia in Malaysia?"
Q2: What is one fun fact you have about yourself?
Aleks: "Aleks used to have long, luscious hair. Did not like." [shudders] "Did. Not. Like." [ponders upon past] "Sister liked it though. She was jealous. Her hair was not as luscious. Aleks's was akin to a well groomed pony's."
Sam (with an ice pack on his head after a beating from Rizka): "I've actually met Donald Trump. Well, it's not like we talked or anything, but a friend and I just saw him walking around with some guards back when I was in DC. Don't know why he wasn't in some car or whatever, but eh." [shrugs]
Sam, stroking his chin: "...He's much more orange in person."
Rizka: "It's kind of a secret, but..." [whispers] "I write fanfiction on Wattpad... You ever heard of 'kerambit_kween'?" [grins] "Yep, that's me. I know, I know, I'll give you an autograph, don't worry." [pause, leans closer to camera] "You said these video interviews are going to be private, just for your editing practice, right, Khai?"
Kim: "OK, my biggest hear me out. If you tell anyone, Khai, I might actually kill you."
Kim: "Fourteenth vice president of Indonesia, Gibran Rakabuming Raka."
Khai: "Does this count as a fun fact...?"
Kim: "His face just looks so smooth."
Q3: In your opinion, who is the cutest international agent?
Aleks: "Aleks thinks it is Rizka. Aleks likes her hair. Perhaps one day Aleks will ask her for some advice on his own hair. Kim's hair is nice as well, but it's too flashy. And blue. Reminds me of Dory from Finding Nemo. Have you watched Finding Nemo? Aleks likes Finding Nemo because—"
Sam: [thinks about the question]
Sam: "Me."
Aleks, continuing about the movie: "—but then after the father clownfish's son got lost, he looks for son. However, he doesn't find son. He finds only blue fish with odd appearance and memory disorder. And then—"
Rizka: "The cutest international agent...?" [scratches head]
Rizka: "Kim... but not 'cause I like her or anything. It's just, Sam is absolutely disgusting, and Aleks is... well, Aleks. I have absolutely no feelings for that girl at all. O-other than partner-coworker-agent type feelings, of course. Whatever rumors you've heard are 100% untrue." [crosses arms]
Rizka, leaning closer to camera: "You... you haven't heard any rumors, have you?"
Aleks, still talking about the movie: "—Oh, you need to watch Finding Nemo. Aleks cried very much at the end. And Aleks never cries. Here, let Aleks help you make Disney+ subscription—"
Kim: "Hm..." [twirls hair] "Gosh, I guess, if I had to choose... it would probably be—" [sees cat] "Comot!! What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be with Ali? Don't you have to go to the vet?" [realizes] "Oh... you naughty cat...! Look!" [looks up] "You're not even in the AO3 character tags! Wait till Ali hears about this..."
Aleks, Rizka, Sam in unison, whispering: "'AO3 character tags'...?"
Q4: Least favorite international agent?
Rizka: "Sam."
Aleks: "Sam."
Kim: "Sam."
Sam: "Wait, before I answer, what did the others say?"
Q4: Favorite thing about Ali?
Rizka: "Ali paid you to put this in here, didn't he?"
Khai: "Uh..."
Q6: What is a word you would use to describe yourself?
Sam: "Perfect. Flawless. Indefectible. Pristine. Infallible. Irreproachable. Immacul—"
Rizka: "'Strength'—because I feel like our world has been teeming with weakness as the years go by, thus causing injustice to flourish. I wish to push back against this apparent 'status quo' and be strong for those who cannot. In the real world, there is no hope of survival for crybabies." [eyeing Sam]
Kim: "'Cheerful'!! 'Cause I'm... cheerful."
Sam: "Boring."
Kim: "Your words were just you listing every possible synonym for 'perfect.' How are we gonna get kudos if you're being so narcissistic?" [looking down at the amount of kudos this fic has gotten]
Sam: "First the 'character tags,' now the 'kudos' of 'this fic'—are you high?"
Aleks: "Aleks thinks his word would be 'мягкий.' It is Russian for 'mellow.' Aleks chose it because he thinks he is mellow."
Sam: "...Why didn't you just say 'mellow' then?"
Aleks: "..."
Q7: If you were to kill any one of the Techno agents, who would it be, why would you kill them, and what methods would you use?
Aleks: "Aleks thinks this is oddly specific."
Rizka: "What does this have to do with us?"
Kim: "Before I answer that, I have a more important question: why did you put 'Q4' twice?"
Sam: "Bulat. 100%. I just do not like that guy's face. I'm guessing Rizka chose Ali though; she sees him as competition for Kim, I think."
Q8: Do you see Ali as competition for Kim?
Rizka: "WHAT TYPE OF QUESTION IS THIS WHO TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT I"
Ali, with Comot now in a cage: "Who sees me as what?"