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Dating in a world where everybody sees your relationship as something wrong requires courage, patience, heart of steel, assurance from your partner and the love you have for each other.
It took a while before Ohyul finally had all of those, with the assurance coming in last. It's not that Ryul didn't constantly remind him that he loves him, it just took a lot for Ohyul to believe it. He was Ryul's first boyfriend, so it took some time for Ohyul to accept his love wholly.
That was two years ago. They had moved in together in a condo unit that sits right at the center of the city. Ohyul works from home, so he has the duty to cook dinner so that when Ryul comes home from work, he can have some warm meal. It has been a routine for them to always eat together, there's something about couples sharing meals together.
Ryul usually comes home around six when traffic is not terrible. Ohyul looked at the time and realized his boyfriend would be home any minute soon. He decided to wait on the couch, scrolling on his phone. Work for that day went smoothly for him. He just hopes it's the same for Ryul.
"Love?" He heard Ryul's voice as soon as the man opened the door to their unit. Ohyul stood up and smiled at him, Ryul quickly put his bag down, walked towards Ohyul to give him a hug.
"Looks like you had a great time at work today, huh," Ohyul smiled at him, still not letting go of the hug.
Ryul loosened the hug to look at his boyfriend, his hands still around Ohyul's waist, "Not really, I'm just glad I'm home." He reaches and gives Ohyul a quick peck.
Ohyul slaps his arms before pushing them away. "Sweet-talker." He rolled his eyes. "Go and change into comfy clothes."
"I am telling the truth!" Ryul smiled at him, sneaking a kiss on the cheek before going to their bedroom to change. Ohyul only shook his head at his boyfriend's antics. There was truly never a dull moment with him.
Later that evening, the two were snuggled up while a movie was playing on Netflix. They were half-watching, half doom-scrolling on their phones.
Ryul's arm was around Ohyul, while the latter's head rested on his shoulder.
"Oh, by the way, Love," Ryul put his phone down, turning his head towards Ohyul. "I almost forgot, in two weeks’ time, for the anniversary of our company, they decided to hold a party to celebrate, fine dining, awards and all."
"That sounds like a good time," Ohyul replies to him, his eyes not leaving his phone.
"I want you to be my plus one," Ryul added, making Ohyul's full attention turn on him. "They said we can bring plus ones, and who else would I bring but you?"
Ohyul chuckled, the answer was obvious. "Alright, then. Let me know what to wear ahead of time so I can prepare for both of us." Ryul smiled and kissed the top of Ohyul's head. He truly is the luckiest to have him by his side.
Two weeks flew by, and the couple are now sitting at a table in Ryul's company party. They were assigned tables according to the department. Soon, Ryul's workmates and their plus ones filled the table.
"Oh, hi guys!" Woojin greeted them. Ohyul recognized him because he had once came over to their place. "This is Sara, my sister." Sara politely bowed to the table and shook hands with everyone. Ohyul could not deny the fact that she is a head-turner, she's really pretty in that dark red fitted dress. She sat down next to Ryul, Woojin next to her. There were a total of 10 people at their table.
The company had prepared quite a long program, from speeches from the higher ups, awards for outstanding employees, special performances to finally being able to eat. The dance floor had also opened for anyone who wanted to dance.
Ryul and Woojin were busy talking to each other, Sara chiming in once in a while since she was in the middle to the two. Ohyul didn't really have anyone to talk to, so he decided to just be on his phone again. He was busy watching reels when he heard a loud laugh, he quickly shot his head up and saw where the laugh came from. Sara was laughing at something Ryul said, even slapping his arm. Woojin was not on his seat, he looked around and didn't see the man.
Maybe he went to the restroom.
Ohyul shrugged to himself, he reached out his hand to hold Ryul's, but the latter was busy chatting with Sara, he didn't notice he pushed away Ohyul's hand.
Ohyul was surprised, that had never happened before. He was frozen in his seat, not knowing how to act after. He looked around to see if anyone had seen what happened. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw everyone was busy with their own thing.
Ohyul excused himself to go to the restroom. He needs to wash his hands and maybe splash some water on his face. What happened was not a big thing. Ryul could not have noticed him, but the fact that it happened made his heart ache a little. Ryul had spent the last two years assuring him of his love, but at that moment, Ohyul felt like he had forgotten about it.
He took a deep breath and tried to convince himself that he was overthinking things that are not there.
When Ohyul returned to their table, Woojin was already back there. He sat down and looked at the people dancing, they were having the time of their lives. He forced out a smile; he also should have been happy.
"Ohyul, you wouldn't mind if I danced with Ryul, right?" Sara peeked from Ryul's shoulder, she was all smiles. A love song was playing, and everyone was sweet dancing.
Ohyul didn't know what to say, he had just finished convincing himself that he was overthinking things, and now Sara is asking for his permission to dance with his boyfriend. Ohyul looked at Ryul, his eyes asking for help. But when he looked at his boyfriend, he was also waiting for his answer.
Ohyul forced out a smile, "If Ryul is up for it, why not."
Sara giggled and jumped happily. "You heard him, Ryul. Come!" She pulled Ryul from his seat by his hand. Ohyul looked at them walking towards the dance floor, their hands still not letting go of each other. He looked at Ryul, and he saw that he was smiling. The sight of that always makes Ohyul's heart happy and content, but right now, his heart could only feel sadness.
"Do you want to dance, as well?" Ohyul looked at Woojin, an apologetic smile on his face. Defeated and having got nothing to do, he nodded.
They walked towards the dance floor, a few feet away from where Ryul and Sara were dancing. Now that they were in the same area, Ohyul saw how Ryul's hands sat on each side of Sara's hips, while her hands were clasped together at the back of his head.
Isn't that too much?
Ohyul didn't know what to feel. Should he be worried that his boyfriend of two years is dancing really close to somebody else? Or is it okay since they even asked for his permission, and he said yes. It is not like they are doing it behind his back.
"I apologize for Sara," Ohyul looked at Woojin, he knew the man means it. "She's energetic and hyper."
Ohyul nodded, "I can see that. She's also really pretty, definitely Ryul's type."
Woojin didn't know how to answer. He felt responsible for Sara, she is his sister, but he also knew that she is stubborn and would not listen to him. "I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't be. I gave them the permission, right?" Ohyul tried to smile but his eyes wouldn't leave the two.
Sara really is Ryul's type, that hit him now. Before they got together, he remembered his past relationship was with someone like Sara, someone's who's full of life. Someone that is the opposite of him, he likes to keep to himself. That is one reason that it took a while for him to believe that Ryul was serious about him, he's not what he likes.
Have I been holding him down from being out there?
The question stuck with him. The Ryul he's seeing right now, dancing with Sara, looks like he's on top of the world, very different from the grounded Ryul that he sees every time they are together.
"Switch partners?" Ohyul hadn't realized that the two danced their way onto Woojin and Ohyul's place. "Love?"
Woojin led his hands towards Ryul and danced away with Sara.
Ohyul's hands are not alien to Ryul's shoulders, but somehow it feels like they are. He felt like his hands were burning, like it touched something that wasn't his.
"Are you okay, Love?" Ryul asked him. "Do you want to go back?"
Oh. So now that you're dancing with me, you suggest we sit back down?
Ohyul shook his head. "You look happy."
Ryul chuckled. "Do I? Well, it's not every day we attend a party like this, right?"
"She looks pretty, right? Sara?" Ryul looked at Ohyul and saw how serious the other is.
"What do you mean?"
Ohyul smiled. "Nothing. Just... she's bubbly, she's pretty, she's outgoing, she has a great personality." Ohyul avoided Ryul's gaze. "She's totally your type."
Ryul's shoulders fell down. "What are you talking about? She's Woojin's sister. I'm just entertaining her."
Ohyul nodded his head slowly, "I didn't know that was your job." He forced a smile, trying to hold back his tears. Somehow, talking to Ryul right now feels like all the emotions he's been trying to suppress are being let out.
"Love," Ryul pulled Ohyul's face by the chin, bringing his gaze back to him. "It's nothing, okay?" Ohyul didn't answer.
"You're tired. Let's head back. We'll go home soon," Ryul grabbed Ohyul's hand and walked towards their seat.
Ohyul would be lying if he says the events of that night didn't bother him after. He had trouble sleeping at night ever since that event. He couldn't shake away the feeling that maybe they weren't meant to be together.
It was already late at night, and he couldn't sleep again. He stared at the figure next him. His boyfriend was sleeping so soundly. He envied him, his thoughts had never been quite since. He had never brought up the topic again, wanting to let it go and hoping he could just forget about it. But it wasn't easy, especially when he knows that Sara is the embodiment of what Ryul likes, maybe the man had just forgotten about it for two years, but now that he met Sara, he's reminded of what he truly likes.
Ohyul sighed, loud enough that Ryul woke up. "Love? Why are you up?" He squinted his eyes, trying to see his boyfriend better.
"Nothing, go back to sleep. You have work later," Ohyul told him.
Ryul's phone lit up, he grabbed it to see the notification. Ohyul looked at him, trying to read his face until he put his phone back down.
"Come here, Love," Ryul pulled him. "I can't sleep if you're awake."
Ohyul let himself be pulled. "Who messaged you? At this time?" He asked.
Ryul groaned. "It's nothing important, Sara said Woojin is tagging her along to dinner later."
Ohyul held his breath, it was a dinner with workmates. Even he wasn't invited. "I didn't know you have her number."
Ryul wrapped his arm around Ohyul's waist. He asked for it at the party. I didn't see anything wrong with giving it."
Ohyul nodded. He doesn't like what's happening, and he doesn't like what he's feeling.
Ryul came home very late after dinner. Ohyul was restless the whole time, knowing that Sara was present at the gathering. Ryul never asked him to come so he didn't.
"Hi, Love, I'm home," Ryul clearly had a bottle too many. Ohyul quickly walked towards him to assist him. He was giggly and clearly drunk. As soon as he stood next to his boyfriend, a faint sweet smell hit his nose. It made him stop for a second, that clearly wasn't any of their perfume.
"Did you have fun tonight?" He asked, wanting details.
"A bit too much fun, I think," Ryul answered when they reached the couch. "Sara was telling all kinds of stories."
Ohyul nodded, "I smell her on you."
"Really?" Ryul answered, not sensing the sadness in Ohyul's voice. "Well, everyone was dancing and partying after a lot of drinks. Maybe that's how?"
Ohyul hummed. So, that means she's too close to you physically for her smell to transfer onto you.
Ryul looked at Ohyul and saw how blank his reaction is. "Love, are you starting this again?"
Ohyul half-smiled. "Go change, let's talk tomorrow."
Ohyul wasn't able to sleep that night, so when Ryul woke up the next morning, breakfast was already prepared and Ohyul was sitting on the table.
"Good morning, Love," Ryul kissed the top of his head. "Bacon, egg and fried rice, my favorites." He pulled the chair to sit down. "Just what would I do without you?"
Ohyul sighed. He didn't know how and where to start. "Ryul..." his boyfriend looked at him while already munching. "I think we need some time."
Ryul set his utensils down, "What do you mean?"
"I think we both need some time to think." Ohyul felt his tears wanting to come out, so he looked away. "I feel like we aren't on the same wavelength right now, and I feel like time apart would be good to determine if we'll go back or drift away."
"Is this because of Sara?" Ryul asked, Ohyul didn't answer. "If it bothers you that much, Love, I would stop entertaining her."
"Shouldn't you have done that from the beginning? She was clearly into you, and you let her enter your world without questions asked." Tears have now started flowing out of Ohyul's eyes, he finds it even harder to speak. "She's your type, Ryul, can you blame me for feeling this way? I'm the first guy you dated, before me, there were girls just like Sara. And to me, it looks like you're remembering that."
"No," Ryul quickly denies. "I love you, Ohyul. Only you."
"But who knows if that'll change now that you met her? Because clearly you two are getting along really well. Do you know you swatted my hand away when you were talking with her?" Ryul was taken aback. "See? You didn't even notice. You seem to forget about me when she's around."
"Love, I'm sorry you feel that way. It was not my intention. I promise to do better," Ryul holds Ohyul's hands. "And I'll stay away from Sara. I won't reply to her, I won't give her time. I’m sorry I was oblivious."
Ohyul sobs. "I feel like you're shining when you're with her. I feel like I'm holding you down."
"What? Love, being with you, loving you, feels like I am in heaven. I am so, so lucky to have you." Ryul gripped him tightly, as if his grip would send the message more to him.
"Just a little time then," Ohyul answers. "If in that time, you still choose me, then we'll be back together."
Ryul sighed. "Is that really what you want?" Ohyul looked down and nodded.
"I'll drive you down to your parents and see you in a week, is that okay?" Ryul asked.
"You might not even get your thoughts and feelings straight in a week. That's too short of a time," Ohyul told him. "A month."
"Love, I don't have any figuring out to do. I love you, always have, always will. That will never change. And no, Sara is not my type. She may have been my old self's type, but ever since I met you, my type has only been you. If it's not you, then I don't want anybody else." Ryul lifted Ohyul's face through his chin. "I love you, okay?" Ohyul nodded slowly.
"Two weeks, then, Love? Let's meet halfway." Ryul bargained. "I don't think I can last a month without you."
Ohyul had agreed. He hopes that after those two weeks, Ryul's words would still be the same.