Chapter Text
The roadrunner is staring at them intently and in all honesty it’s starting to make Kevin uncomfortable.
Oh, who is he kidding, he’s been unnerved ever since the staring started. But can you blame him? It’s creepy.
The blue bird’s eyes have been locked on them for the past several hours as they've been moving around the desert, cataloguing each and every possible way the products could and do go wrong for the biggest product user case he’s ever tackled in his life.
Every time they move locations a blur of blue appears and settles somewhere in the distance. Occasionally disappearing and then quickly returning. Each time getting a little closer, enough that eventually Kevin could make out him tilting his head, and…smiling? Surely not. Why would he be smiling?
When he first noticed he’d pointed it out to Paige with a nudge to her shoulder and a gesture. Then winced when she exclaimed loudly “wait, is that—” drawing the coyotes attention as well.
But he simply glanced over, then held up a sign which read: Yes.
—And continued inspecting the Acme branded bear trap which had been laid out before them inactive, kicking it, pacing around it, fingers to his chin, brow furrowed, then bending over to get a closer look. Snap! It had engulfed him.
Paige very quickly took a photo and the coyote had given her a thumbs up from the arm sticking out of it while they worked together to pry the thing apart.
The bird watched.
Wile had seemed content with it though, maybe this wasn’t unusual behavior, or an unusual situation between them. Kevin doesn’t really understand, shouldn’t he be staying as far as way as possible—
“Beep! Beep!” He nearly jumps out of his skin. Wile does jump, clearing three feet in the air before settling back down to glare down at the roadrunner. Paige giggles, blending in with the bird repeating his own little joyous chirp.
The coyote very firmly turns his back, tinkering with one of the more complicated Acme products, and the roadrunner’s smile dims.
Kevin watches, baffled, as the roadrunner hops around in a circle, sticking his tongue out and beeping and nudging the predator who has been attempting to capture and eat him for years.
Said predator stays stubbornly in place shooing with his arms while the roadrunner grows more and more impatient and insistent, clearly frustrated.
Paige steps in before he can even get his bearings, with a: “Hello!”
The roadrunner either doesn’t notice or actively dismisses her in favor of starting to circle around all of them in a frenzy.
She continues, “Mister, um, Runner, I’m not sure if you got our message earlier—”
He chirps.
“Yeah! Yeah,” as though she understood him, “we’re going to sue Acme, and we’d like you to testify on Mr. Coyote’s behalf.”
Road Runner stops circling, finally, and tilts his head. Looks toward Wile as if to confirm. Wile looks his way, and nods, shrugs. With the explanation the smile returns to his, honestly sort of adorable, face.
His voice dislodges from his throat he straightens up, states “Yes, I’m Kevin Avery, and this is Paige Avery, and she’ll be assisting me,” she waves, God he’s rusty, he clears his throat, “do you understand that you will be expected to speak on the stand as a witness, and that if you fail to attend you may face legal repercussions?"
And receives a stare from the roadrunner that would only suit a situation where he’d suddenly grown three heads. Maybe he is the insane one here. He adjusts his tie, uncomfortable. It’s so hot out here.
Mercifully he looks away, steps back towards Wile, and looks questioningly at him. Once again checking in for confirmation. Wile provides it with a sign, looking stern and dignified to the point of exaggeration: You must appear in court. It’s the law!
He taps the sign for emphasis.
Road Runner holds up one of his own, a hint of mischief glancing across his face: Sure — But I’ve never studied law!
Oh so they’re both like that, got it.
Wile leans in, frowns in annoyance, and Road Runner chirps, hops, and runs, the Coyote trailing after him arms outstretched.
So they’ve just lost their client to a wild roadrunner chase. Great.
“When do you think they’ll be back?” Paige asks, scrolling through the camera's log.
“If, they’ll be back.”
She waves her hand like it’s not even a question. “We’ve got enough here I think—maybe we should pack—”
A blue and orange blur speeds right by them, ruffling their clothes. Wile follows a minute later, much slower, bumping into the machine he’d been tampering with, and a little grabby robot with a claw attached to an extending arm trails starts up with a shake and follows after them both.
The robots catch up quickly, and Wile’s eyes widen as he notices the thing grabbing for him and starts running faster. Paige whips out her camera, pressing record and running after them. He can just make out Road Runner turning back to stick out his tongue before they’re too far away to distinguish any features. His niece is starting to fade too.
Should he—yeah he should probably—“Paige, wait you’re going to get—”
God. This is so unfair. He’s not a twenty four year old who gets up to jog at dawn and goes to yoga on Fridays, how is he meant to—Still, he tries his best to catch up, running on adrenaline. Making enough headway he can see Wile trip and fall, cartoonish stars circling his head, the robots claws wrapped around him.
“Got it!” Paige yells, loudly enough it reaches him as he jogs to meet them.
The coyote groans loudly.
The blue blur circles back around to meet them. Pecking at the coyote like a vulture. Oh no.
Kevin breathes hard, his hands on his knees for a second. “I—“ he gasps, “I’d like to ask you not to—” another breath, “please don’t attack my client.”
Wile glares at him. An ‘I can defend myself’ expression. While he’s still in the claws of the robot, with a black eye and scruffed up fur. Paige and Road Runner look at him like he’s ridiculous.
Paige swings her camera around to the robot, Wile reaches behind him to show the dial—and sure enough it’s set to roadrunner mode, not coyote mode.
…..Specific.
Paige flips her camera closed. Road Runner pecks at the machine and Wile is released.
He lays on the ground for a second. Then gives another thumbs up. The roadrunner chirps happily. Kevin still isn’t entirely sure he knows what’s going on.
“Let’s go back to the car,” he says, exhausted. They have gotten enough evidence for today. He’s done.
He expects Road Runner to disappear then. Instead he trails after them while Wile, with a cast summoned on his arm, leans against Paige for support. Once they reach the car, his niece on the passenger side, the coyote in the back, he waits, the bird stares. He takes off, the bird follows, matching the car's speed and following the entire way back to Albuquerque.
Okay, that’s one way to get a witness to show.