Chapter Text
The Batcave was quiet.
Too quiet.
Bruce Wayne knew that kind of quiet.
It was the kind of quiet that meant one of his children was doing something they absolutely should not be doing.
Bruce slowly looked up from the computer.
Tim was sitting at the main console.
Jason was standing behind him.
Dick was sitting on the back of Bruce's chair.
Damian was reading a book.
Cass was watching Tim.
Steph was eating cereal straight from the box.
Duke was leaning against the computer desk.
Bruce narrowed his eyes.
"What are you doing?"
Tim didn't look away from the screen.
"Nothing."
Jason immediately snorted.
Bruce looked at him.
Jason raised his hands.
"Don't look at me."
"I wasn't."
"You were."
"I wasn't."
"You definitely were."
Dick leaned over Bruce's shoulder.
"What is Tim doing?"
Tim finally turned around.
"Technically?"
Everyone stared at him.
Tim smiled.
"I'm not doing anything illegal."
Bruce's expression didn't change.
"Tim."
"Okay, maybe a little illegal."
"Tim."
"Fine. Extremely illegal."
Damian lowered his book.
"What have you done?"
Tim turned his monitor toward them.
On the screen was a map of the Justice League's Watchtower.
Jason's face lit up.
"Oh."
Dick immediately stood up.
"Oh, no."
Jason pointed at the screen.
"Oh, yes."
Bruce stared at Tim.
"How did you get into the Watchtower's system?"
Tim shrugged.
"They upgraded their security last month."
"And?"
"I wanted to see how good it was."
Bruce sighed.
"And?"
Tim smiled.
"It's not."
Jason walked over and looked at the screen.
"Can you control stuff?"
"Some things."
"Doors?"
"Yes."
"Lights?"
"Yes."
"Communications?"
"Probably."
"Kitchen?"
Tim paused.
"Why?"
Jason grinned.
"Important question. Can you control the kitchen?"
Tim's fingers moved across the keyboard.
A few seconds later, a small message appeared.
WATCHTOWER KITCHEN SYSTEM: ACCESS GRANTED.
Jason slowly turned toward Tim.
"Brother."
Tim smiled.
"Brother."
Dick pointed at both of them.
"No."
Jason looked offended.
"I haven't even said anything."
"I know that look."
"What look?"
"The look you get before you do something stupid."
Jason placed a hand over his chest.
"I am hurt."
Damian closed his book.
"What exactly are you planning?"
Jason's grin became wider.
"We're going to fuck with the Justice League."
Silence.
Bruce stared at him.
Dick stared at him.
Damian stared at him.
Cass smiled.
Steph immediately put down her cereal.
"I'm in."
Duke sighed.
"Of course you are."
Tim turned back to the computer.
"I'm already in."
Jason pointed at Tim.
"See? That's why he's my favorite."
"I'm your only favorite," Tim said.
"Exactly."
Bruce rubbed his forehead.
"No."
Everyone looked at him.
"No?"
"No."
Jason smiled.
"Okay."
Bruce knew that tone.
"Jason."
"Yeah?"
"Don't."
Jason walked toward the stairs.
"I'm going upstairs."
"Jason."
"I'm getting my gear."
"Jason."
"Not committing any crimes."
"You just admitted to planning one."
Jason stopped.
"Allegedly."
Then he disappeared.
Bruce looked at Dick.
Dick smiled awkwardly.
"I'll go stop him."
Bruce nodded.
Dick took two steps.
Then stopped.
"Actually..."
Bruce looked at him.
Dick smiled.
"...what are we doing exactly?"
Bruce stared at him.
"Dick."
"What?"
"You're supposed to stop them."
"I know."
Dick looked at Tim's screen.
"But..."
Tim raised an eyebrow.
"But?"
Dick's smile slowly grew.
"How funny are we talking?"
Steph jumped to her feet.
"Oh, we're going to have fun."
Damian stood.
"I refuse to participate in childish behavior."
Cass looked at him.
Damian paused.
"...Unless there is a tactical objective."
Duke laughed.
"You are absolutely coming with us."
Damian frowned.
"I am not."
Five minutes later, Damian was standing beside Tim.
Bruce watched his entire family prepare to break into the Watchtower.
He sighed.
"I am surrounded by idiots."
Cass patted his shoulder.
Bruce looked at her.
She smiled.
He sighed again.
"Fine."
Everyone froze.
Bruce stood up.
"But nobody gets hurt."
Jason appeared at the entrance wearing his Red Hood jacket.
"Did you say we're allowed?"
Bruce stared at him.
"No."
Jason grinned.
"Awesome."
And that was how the Justice League's worst day began.